The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[Sam_2.0]

Sorry, pants. 3yr olds really can be assholes. As an adult you know they dont probably mean what they say, but the words can still hurt

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I was going to sit with Abby as she went to bed and she shoved me out while yelling "I don't love you! I love daddy!"

Gwen at that age told me she didn't have to listen to me about dental hygiene because my teeth are brown.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Dh is taking K to 2 bday parties this afternoon. He's definitely taking C with him to drop her off at the first one. Then hitting a grocery store so I have some alone time in the house.

[Wisconsin Beth]

C was playing with a friend so I told dh to go without him.

[stillmovingforward]

Pants: I discovered that sometimes not disciplining kids either away was useful. Telling them 'I'm too angry with this right now.' And sort of cold shoulder them. DON'T do this for very long! Just an hour or so. Go about your normal evening but leave them to stew in fear 😂. Sometimes with the teens I would make them wait a few days. No cold shoulder but no 'extra'.
They have since told me that it was worse than being punished, not knowing what was coming. 2 have turned out fine. The 2 really problematic ones are still up in the air but not nearly as bad as the social workers thought they'd be.
And to be honest, sometimes I did it out of fear of my response.
When you get angry, putting yourself in a timeout helps too. Especially if everyone needs dinner...... tell them, 'I'm in a time out until mt attitude changes'.
It's worth a try.

[tcu2003]

C puked in the middle of the night last night. I woke up around 230am or so to him calling out “‘Mama!” I sent DH in so he got to clean up vomit from everywhere. Blech. C didn’t have a fever and has been fine all day, so I think maybe he ate something bad or too much junk on Friday. He had a party at Y-Care, and then we had daycare’s family Thanksgiving, so he had all kinds of random stuff.

And now M has the barky croup cough. She *just* had croup a couple of weeks ago. Looks like it’s back.

[justme]

Hating that covos with people that don't have kids extol about how spanking didn't hurt them and refuse to acknowledge that it has anything to with older children and adults not realizing they can say no to people touching them.

Not wanting to start a spanking debate but so mad this person 100% shuts it down without listening. Curse of the dick.

[Sam_2.0]

Nov 18, 2018 0:03:33 GMT -5 justme said:

Hating that covos with people that don't have kids extol about how spanking didn't hurt them and refuse to acknowledge that it has anything to with older children and adults not realizing they can say no to people touching them.

Not wanting to start a spanking debate but so mad this person 100% shuts it down without listening. Curse of the dick.

Clearly he didnt turn out "fine"....

[justme]

Nov 18, 2018 0:23:42 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 18, 2018 0:03:33 GMT -5 justme said:

Hating that covos with people that don't have kids extol about how spanking didn't hurt them and refuse to acknowledge that it has anything to with older children and adults not realizing they can say no to people touching them.

Not wanting to start a spanking debate but so mad this person 100% shuts it down without listening. Curse of the dick.

Clearly he didnt turn out "fine"....

According to him he did. And honestly before this convo with him I wouldn't have questioned his intentions or interactions. The interactions I've had with him in person, which we're totally limited in person, led me in the opposite direction of someone to shut down the conversation like he did.

And I say that as someone who was spanked until an age where I chose a spanking over taking away privileges.

And he fully agrees against "sexual" touch but thinks allowing non sexual physical punishment doesn't leave lasting marks on those once they reach a "sexual" age.

[raeoflyte]

I seriously don't get that mentality.  Honestly if we teach our kids that they deserve to be hit as a punishment, it's no wonder domestic abuse occurs as frequently and in such secrecy as it does.  If you're angry or have been wronged, or perceive that there is a problem and are bigger and stronger than the offending person OF COURSE you're allowed to teach them a lesson by hitting them.  And if you're the one being hit it would only happen because you deserve it so you need to work harder and be better so that it never happens again.  

Kids are like sponges and pick up way more than we give them credit for.  Unless its our own actions of course that were perfectly justified and reasonable and then they'll be able to grow up and emotionally know that there is a complete difference than a parent hitting them, then their SO/spouse, etc.  

[Deleted]

Nov 18, 2018 17:51:49 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I seriously don't get that mentality.  Honestly if we teach our kids that they deserve to be hit as a punishment, it's no wonder domestic abuse occurs as frequently and in such secrecy as it does.  If you're angry or have been wronged, or perceive that there is a problem and are bigger and stronger than the offending person OF COURSE you're allowed to teach them a lesson by hitting them.  And if you're the one being hit it would only happen because you deserve it so you need to work harder and be better so that it never happens again.  

Kids are like sponges and pick up way more than we give them credit for.  Unless its our own actions of course that were perfectly justified and reasonable and then they'll be able to grow up and emotionally know that there is a complete difference than a parent hitting them, then their SO/spouse, etc.  

I'm not sure I really understand your last sentence, but I got spanked (or got my ass "whooped", whatever we want to call it) and I always knew it was totally unacceptable for a BF to hit me. I had a BF at age 16 or 17 that hit me and he caught these hands. So are you saying that children that are spanked are more likely to accept abuse when they are older? I understand that spanking is problematic, and I don't really want to debate or argue about it, I just want to understand what your last sentence meant.

[oped]

Yes, children who do not learn body autonomy as children are less likely to think they have the right to tell others not to touch them.

[tcu2003]

Drama or anyone else who has dealt with croup, did it cause diarrhea? M has had diarrhea multiple times today, and it is leaving her poor bottom red though we’ve noticed immediately and changed it right away. She hasn’t had this happen with croup before, so I’m thinking she might have something else in addition to croup.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 18, 2018 18:21:00 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Nov 18, 2018 17:51:49 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I seriously don't get that mentality.  Honestly if we teach our kids that they deserve to be hit as a punishment, it's no wonder domestic abuse occurs as frequently and in such secrecy as it does.  If you're angry or have been wronged, or perceive that there is a problem and are bigger and stronger than the offending person OF COURSE you're allowed to teach them a lesson by hitting them.  And if you're the one being hit it would only happen because you deserve it so you need to work harder and be better so that it never happens again.  

Kids are like sponges and pick up way more than we give them credit for.  Unless its our own actions of course that were perfectly justified and reasonable and then they'll be able to grow up and emotionally know that there is a complete difference than a parent hitting them, then their SO/spouse, etc.  

I'm not sure I really understand your last sentence, but I got spanked (or got my ass "whooped", whatever we want to call it) and I always knew it was totally unacceptable for a BF to hit me. I had a BF at age 16 or 17 that hit me and he caught these hands. So are you saying that children that are spanked are more likely to accept abuse when they are older? I understand that spanking is problematic, and I don't really want to debate or argue about it, I just want to understand what your last sentence meant.

Accept and perpetuate.  

[cktc]

Nov 18, 2018 20:10:16 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 18, 2018 18:21:00 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

I'm not sure I really understand your last sentence, but I got spanked (or got my ass "whooped", whatever we want to call it) and I always knew it was totally unacceptable for a BF to hit me. I had a BF at age 16 or 17 that hit me and he caught these hands. So are you saying that children that are spanked are more likely to accept abuse when they are older? I understand that spanking is problematic, and I don't really want to debate or argue about it, I just want to understand what your last sentence meant.

Accept and perpetuate.  

I think there are also degrees of how much it's expressed too. I just saw something on facebook where you are supposed to share if you were spanked as a child and aren't a wife beater. Umm, congratulations? My DH broke his hand punching a wall when he was a teenager. Not knowing how to work through emotions in healthier ways is pervasive, even if violence isn't turned on others or inanimate objects.

[Wisconsin Beth]

K just reminded me that tomorrow is the Survive Alive House field trip. I said I'd meet her class there. Now I'm glad I put on 4 hours at work today because I won't be horribly behind, just behind, at work. But I really wish it wasn't tomorrow. Next week, fine. This week is just going to suck, workwise.

[stillmovingforward]

Spanking is a big no no in the foster world. Any physical punishment is. My DD2 told me once to 'just hit me and get it over with' while on a time out. If spanking kids worked, mine would have been perfect long before I got them.

[muttleynfelix]

Pants - Hugs. I hope your weekend went better.

[raeoflyte]

As I said in the other thread, my kids are my cleaning service this week for Thanksgiving.  I go up on my lunch break and remind them that they each have a chore list to be working on, even Dad. 

E: Even Dad? 
me: even Dad. 
C: Why don't you have a list then? 
E:  uhh...because she does all the work? 

[Jaguar]

Everyone having issues, get yourself on Indigo, or go to Amazon. A number of years ago, I went to a psychiatrist and he recommended this wonderful, book and workbook. I don't have the name of that book anymore, I just might go see him.

[Jaguar]

Oh and I have onset Adult diabetes, I control it with food.

[Pants]

Nov 19, 2018 21:33:18 GMT -5 Jaguar said:

Everyone having issues, get yourself on Indigo, or go to Amazon. A number of years ago, I went to a psychiatrist and he recommended this wonderful, book and workbook. I don't have the name of that book anymore, I just might go see him.

We are going on Amazon to look for what? 

[Jaguar]

Nov 19, 2018 22:01:07 GMT -5 Pants said:

Nov 19, 2018 21:33:18 GMT -5 Jaguar said:

Everyone having issues, get yourself on Indigo, or go to Amazon. A number of years ago, I went to a psychiatrist and he recommended this wonderful, book and workbook. I don't have the name of that book anymore, I just might go see him.

We are going on Amazon to look for what? 

Good books.

[stillmovingforward]

There are some bad ones there too. A child was killed near us following a 'spare the rod, spoil the child'book.
Just be careful. I also like gottsman institute out of Seattle. They have some good books on relationships of all kinds.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 19, 2018 21:34:16 GMT -5 Jaguar said:

Oh and I have onset Adult diabetes, I control it with food.

Type 2, and gestational can sometimes be controlled with just diet and exercise.  If someone with those types can't control it with diet and exercise though it doesn't mean they are sloth eating junk.  There are still genetic components and just too much that we still don't know.

Type 1 and LADA are auto-immune disorders where your body kills off your islet cells that produce insulin so you are dependent on injectable insulin for the rest of your life.  

[raeoflyte]

Boss called about how I would feel about 4 10's.  It would be 9-8pm so pretty late nights as E really needs to be in bed by 730.  But...4 10's.  I told her I was on board.  We'll schedule a time to actually talk about a shift soon.  I might ask if the days can shift.  So M-Th the first week, then T-F the 2nd week and back and forth.  Then I could score 4 day weekends.  Or...if I stick with M-Th, then dh could pick up Thursday nights at work permanently.  I'm sure my folks wouldn't have a problem switching to babysitting them Thursday evenings instead of Fridays and we wouldn't need any babysitting on Friday.  That would mean I could only go to jiu jitsu on Saturdays though (no adult classes on Fridays), and I don't think I can handle that.  Lol.  

Talked to dh about making a work space upstairs too.  When it isn't super busy I could still be upstairs and ready for calls/tickets, but could play card games or color with the kids in between.  

[debthaven]

raeoflyte for what it's worth, I think 4/10s would be great, but I think it would be more difficult to keep changing them with kids at home (unless you and your DH could coordinate your schedules).

If there are adult classes on Mon then maybe Tues-Fri would be better for you. Otherwise if it's better for you, do Mon-Thurs. Personally I do better with the same schedule.

And remember this opinion is worth exactly what you paid for it LOL.

[Wisconsin Beth]

K made it ninja 2 class. C didnt. There was a sad boy last night. Hopefully tonight will b ed better.

[raeoflyte]

That stinks Beth.  We've had rough nights when E grades and C doesn't.  

[muttleynfelix]

I hope you all had a happy Thanksgiving.

Things were generally good here, but Wednesday night at 3:30 am Jocelyn woke me up because she puked. She had diarrhea throughout the day on Thanksgiving. Friday she was more herself. Then Saturday morning she woke me up for clean underwear because she had streaks in her underwear. We came home last night because of a winter storm today and she woke me up at 2:30 because she puked again. Ugh.

She seems fine this morning, but I'm glad we are home. No snow yet...or maybe at all, but it looks like it was smart to come home last night. I still need to run to the store.