The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[Wisconsin Beth]

We're currently monitoring C's reading comprehension. His teacher flagged it at conferences last month.

[cael]

Nov 13, 2018 23:00:49 GMT -5 empress of self-improvement said:

Nov 13, 2018 20:21:08 GMT -5 steph08 said:

My DH has a geology degree and his head might explode at this.

Is it wrong to plan this for his 40th birthday next year? OMG he would die. Bahahaha.

If you do this, please please PLEAAAASSSSSSSE invite me! I love geology and if I had any friends, I would give myself a geology party.

As an aside: where did DH get his Geo. degree? I'm thinking about it at some point or just some classes to get back into it.

Um I have a geology degree and I'm obsessed w/ this idea - Empress let's plan it lol!!

[cael]

So Ant's been sick, I had to take him home last Thursday because he started having horrible diarrhea at daycare, crying and clinging to me when his tum gurgled and everything felt so bad. He's been off and fussy and irritable since then, had a fever Friday but that was it. He's been drooling so much I thought he was teething and legit thought there was a bump behind his molars - took him to the dentist Monday and she said no and his mouth is healthy, but he has a bad line of sores on the side of his tongue. Today daycare lady tells me another kid came down with similar symptoms and his doctor says it's a virus going around that looks a lot like HFM with the sores in the mouth... so bingo, I'm sure that's what we have. He woke up a bunch of times last night crying and he'd go "mout, hort!" poor guy tonight I'm trying the mix of Maalox and Benadryl they recommend for the HFM sores inside the mouth, i hope he gets some relief.

Christmas this year is probably going to be mostly from Target and Amazon. We're making him a new train table out of our old coffee table (I'm excited about that project!) so I'll look for a few Thomas wooden trains for that, and we got him the Paw Patrol my size lookout tower. I may find some kind of T-rex for him, every time we see the Jurassic World T-rex commercial on TV he gleefully goes "dee-wok!!!" and gets very excited about it. My parents are helping us with bedroom furniture for his big boy room for Christmas, which is great.

[raeoflyte]

That stinks Cael.  I hope he feels better soon. 

I had to pick C up from school today.  Had a stomach ache, but not nauseus and felt hot to the touch, but doesn't have a fever.  No ketones thankfully.  He's been sleeping for hours now which is good I guess, but seems like a weird bug whatever it is.  

[cael]

There are tons of different bugs going around right now, I hope C feels better soon too Rae!

[Sam_2.0]

Boo to being sick or having sick babies I hope everyone is feeling better soon!

[empress of self-improvement]

Nov 15, 2018 14:05:32 GMT -5 cael said:

Nov 13, 2018 23:00:49 GMT -5 empress of self-improvement said:

If you do this, please please PLEAAAASSSSSSSE invite me! I love geology and if I had any friends, I would give myself a geology party.

As an aside: where did DH get his Geo. degree? I'm thinking about it at some point or just some classes to get back into it.

Um I have a geology degree and I'm obsessed w/ this idea - Empress let's plan it lol!!

Is that the degree you were working on? That has absolutely nothing to do with what you do for a living? AWESOME!!!! Your area will have some good spelunking spots.

[cael]

Nov 15, 2018 17:13:58 GMT -5 empress of self-improvement said:

Nov 15, 2018 14:05:32 GMT -5 cael said:

Um I have a geology degree and I'm obsessed w/ this idea - Empress let's plan it lol!!

Is that the degree you were working on? That has absolutely nothing to do with what you do for a living? AWESOME!!!! Your area will have some good spelunking spots.

No it was my undergrad degree from UMass Amherst! (my grad is in environmental science) I loved geology, wasn't sure I wanted to do research or academia and decided teaching wasn't for me either so I branched off lol. 

[empress of self-improvement]

Nov 15, 2018 17:26:52 GMT -5 cael said:

Nov 15, 2018 17:13:58 GMT -5 empress of self-improvement said:

Is that the degree you were working on? That has absolutely nothing to do with what you do for a living? AWESOME!!!! Your area will have some good spelunking spots.

No it was my undergrad degree from UMass Amherst! (my grad is in environmental science) I loved geology, wasn't sure I wanted to do research or academia and decided teaching wasn't for me either so I branched off lol.

Yeah. I prefer the practical applications of geology, not the academic-teaching aspects. I don't like people enough that I wouldn't be tempted to hit them with my rock hammer.

[Pants]

So, it was a freaking day. 

I lost out on a job I wanted today and it was just... crushing. I feel so stuck.

I picked up the girls and when we got home I sat in front seat of car trying to get my game face on for a second before doing the whole dinner/end of day shannanigans. B was asking me to open her door, and when I didn't, she reached around the seat and punched me repeatedly in the mouth. So I banished her to the playroom, got dinner, and calmly told her I wouldn't be buying her books at the book fair during parent/teacher conferences. Hysterics ensue. 

But honestly, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. 

Went to conference, bought book fair books and donated them to the classroom. B's teacher identified a couple areas to work on, clarified some stuff about the books she's bringing home (they are supposed to be read individually). And then we talked about the mean girl social stuff that's going on. She was supportive and said she'd try more to keep B and the mean girl apart in group work and get them working with other partners more, so it was helpful. We agreed on some strategies for everything. I got chastised for not reviewing B's homework with her, lied and said I would start doing that more. Fine.

i still can't quite believe B punched me in the face for not doing what she wanted immediately. I was so silent afterwards she begged me to give her a punishment because she was seriously worried. Then she tried to bargain her way out of the punishment I gave her, of course. 

We need to talk more about that tomorrow. 

Remind me me when she turns 30, again? 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Hugs Pants.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Nov 15, 2018 22:45:11 GMT -5 Pants said:

So, it was a freaking day. 

I lost out on a job I wanted today and it was just... crushing. I feel so stuck.

I picked up the girls and when we got home I sat in front seat of car trying to get my game face on for a second before doing the whole dinner/end of day shannanigans. B was asking me to open her door, and when I didn't, she reached around the seat and punched me repeatedly in the mouth. So I banished her to the playroom, got dinner, and calmly told her I wouldn't be buying her books at the book fair during parent/teacher conferences. Hysterics ensue. 

But honestly, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. 

Went to conference, bought book fair books and donated them to the classroom. B's teacher identified a couple areas to work on, clarified some stuff about the books she's bringing home (they are supposed to be read individually). And then we talked about the mean girl social stuff that's going on. She was supportive and said she'd try more to keep B and the mean girl apart in group work and get them working with other partners more, so it was helpful. We agreed on some strategies for everything. I got chastised for not reviewing B's homework with her, lied and said I would start doing that more. Fine.

i still can't quite believe B punched me in the face for not doing what she wanted immediately. I was so silent afterwards she begged me to give her a punishment because she was seriously worried. Then she tried to bargain her way out of the punishment I gave her, of course. 

We need to talk more about that tomorrow. 

Remind me me when she turns 30, again? 

Oh my...I'm so sorry. 

[tcu2003]

Hugs, pants.

[Sam_2.0]

Big hits, pants.

[taz157]

Hugs pants

[finnime]

Sorry for your ugly day, Pants. FWIW you were wonderfully restrained with B as you were absorbing your job hunt news.

[geenamercile]

Pants I am so sorry for the bad day, and also think you handled things wonderfully.  

Swasat- I agree with trying to figure out why your son feels that things are so unfair.  But also to try and take those times where everything is going great to talk about what he says when he is angry.  Puberty is hard on boys, and language skills are not always the strongest and can develop slower then the rest of the brain.  We see it in writing, in discussions ect...  Also the emotional side of the brain likes to kick into gear first and pull all the power from the logic side which makes thinking through what we say harder at that time.  And from working with E, taking time to sit and talk about not only what he is trying to say but how he is saying it when everything is good has helped him develop the skills to pull on when things are not good.  Now we first had to get over the, wanting to hide his head in the sand, why are you bringing this up now, why are you trying to ruin my good mood, I don't want to talk about this now B.S....  but it has helped. 

It is also really, really easy to want to react to the immediate words coming out as well.  Look up Mirror neurons, I know for me those can be hard to control, and there are times I literally bite the tip of my tongue as a reminded that I do need to control myself at work, because sometimes in the moment when a kid is calling me a fucking bitch is not the time for me to try and discuss their language choice.  1) it makes them think I am not really concerned about what they are trying to tell me, the emotions, reasons behind the word choice.  Don't get me wrong we do discuss word choice later and better ways to say things, and they will get consequences for their actions, but first we get through their issues, then we get through the issues that their issues cause.          

[geenamercile]

So this is my second Ice day, and I think the Mother Nature knew I needed a break.  Yesterday E and I went and stocked the closer cabin with wood for tonight.  Best friend is picking up her daughter (S) today and E, ODD, YDD and I (maybe DH) are going camping and seeing if we can see any shooting stars from the Leonids shower this night/morning.  YDD is stoked, ODD is coming I think because S is going to be there.  But I am excited too.  E may have a friend join us we will see.  I know DH is going to be grouchy either way, there is no winning unless we all just want to sit home and do nothing with him.  Earlier this week I was feeling pretty bummed because I was looking ahead in like 10-15 years and I have a feeling I am going to be pretty lonely at home.  

[raeoflyte]

Please don't let that happen Geena!  If he doesn't want to do things, that's on him and it shouldn't stop you from going out and doing what you want.  My folks have a lot of separate activities they do and they are definitely my retirement role models.  Dh and I used to do everything together, but I'm trying to have more of my own activities these days too so he can adjust to having to entertain himself.  

[oped]

Kurt Vonnegut gave lots of commencement addresses in his life, and many are compiled in a book called If This Isn't Nice, What Is? 

One of the themes that carry through from speech to speech, a point he makes over and over is that the modern conception that a married couple and nuclear family are all that is necessary to sustain and support one another is a dangerous misconception and one of the reasons so many relationships fail. 

I'm perfectly content to stay at home most of the time, and hook up with my friends on my terms, and go out with and spend time with husband as i like... and he plays soccer and hangs with friends and does activities i wouldn't care to do.  

Friends from soccer were here with their wives for some party or other and one asked why i never come to watch games... because it would never occur to me to do so... i'd hate it. why do i need to be involved in that? It's not like i drag him to book club or yoga? 

Find groups that do things you like to do and go do them. Its quite possible your spouse will actually be perfectly fine with the alone time, and then you can come together to do things you enjoy doing together. 

Said knowing that i don't know your whole story and i could be vastly oversimplifying! 

[oped]

That said... it does not excuse not doing things WITH the kids and family unit. Those things can be modified to some extent, but kids need the interaction of both parents somewhere. 

[raeoflyte]

Another 3rd grade boy at the kids school was diagnosed with diabetes last night in the ER.  They're doing education today and will meet with the school nurse after Thanksgiving break. 

The day C was diagnosed was the worst day of my life.  I've never cried so much for so long before or since.  I don't know who the child is.  They're in the other 3rd grade class and I guess very different from C behaviorally, so I think staff is trying to reconcile how they'll handle it.  C has practically free reign, and all the teachers tell us that they're so glad that C is mature and responsible that they can trust him to come and go as needed.

That first day of education is so long and exhausting.  I wish I could drop off a "welcome to the sucky world of diabetes" kit of 15 gram carbs things that they'll likely need sooner rather than later, but they won't be done to get it from the school until well after school is closed.  We told the health aide she can give them our phone #'s, so maybe they'll reach out.  

[geenamercile]

My husband has depression.  It kicks up in the fall/winter but it is there all year some.  Of course he isn't getting treatment for it, figures if life and people in it can just change to how he thinks it should be then everything will be perfect.  I tried making that happen for several years, it is never perfect and there is always something that just needs to change.  Yes I made the classic mistake when we started dating and when we got married in thinking if I could just love him hard enough, that I could be enough, that I would be able to fix everything myself.  Hell, I grew up with crazy and what he has doesn't come close to what my parents have in level and I handle my own shit pretty well, so why couldn't I do it.  Yea getting my SPED degree and working with ED and OHI kids have certainly change that perspective completely.  I think I still mange to keep the household moving pretty well even with everything that goes on in it and all of our issues.    I am/ always been pretty good with self care and setting limits on keeping myself on the level.  I just use to have more energy and could put more into DH.  But the girls are older and they are certainly take more of it.  ODD is having her on issues with depression and anxiety.  We included E into the family and he has his own anxiety that he is working on.  And yes mentally at times I think it is sad that a teen is willing to work harder on his coping skills and strategies then an almost 40 year old man but so be it.  But then he also knows that he has two choices continue to build those until he is able to be self sufficient and move out, or move out.  DH I married and made a commit too and I am not ready to implode our family.  I still love DH as a person, knowing what I know now I wouldn't have dated or married him.  Pretty sure he feels the same way about me.  It would be so much easier if we didn't love each other.  I will certainly have a very real talk with either girl if they decide they want to be with someone with mental illness.  But as of now this is my life, and it still has much more good then bad.  We will go camping this weekend, there is no way I am disappointing YDD like that.  And that is part of it too, ODD is a more of a home body like DH, but YDD is more like me who craves new things, new adventures and being with people.       

[finnime]

I think there could be a booming industry in family counseling for families with a depressive in them. And I'm the one with depression. I think it would help every single family member with no down side.

My DH regularly goes with me to see my shrink; it helps us each and both.

[geenamercile]

I also feel the need to say that DH really is an amazing dad.  He does work really hard to make sure his issues do not stop him with doing things with the girls.  For example, he made all of YDD soccer games, expect the one he was helping friends with moving on he didn't make the team party at pizza hut.  He does things with the girls here, play games, draw with them, help them clean their rooms ect...  And yes I know these are all normal parents things to do, but that is my point is that he doesn't let it get in the way with the parenting part.  Just our relationship feels the brunt of it.  And he isn't an outside type of person, camping isn't his thing and that is okay.  One of the reason why we want a camper that will be our camping compromise.   

[oped]

I have found light therapy to be helpful in the seasonal affect months...

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 16, 2018 13:48:42 GMT -5 oped said:

I have found light therapy to be helpful in the seasonal affect months...

So have I.  Without my light, I think I would have to move some place with more sun than the Midwest gets in the winter.

[Pants]

As a follow up to yesterday's punch-a-palooza today K's daily daycare summary says: "we asked each kid what things make them feel grumpy, then wrote it down and talked about their feelings." 

The next line is a pic of K holding a pic with her name and "K says her MOMMY makes her GRUMPY!  " 

So, pretty much winning at this whole parenthood gig.

[Works4me]

Given her recent behavior I'd say that making her grumpy is a good thing.

[chapeau]

Nov 16, 2018 21:58:20 GMT -5 Pants said:

As a follow up to yesterday's punch-a-palooza today K's daily daycare summary says: "we asked each kid what things make them feel grumpy, then wrote it down and talked about their feelings." 

The next line is a pic of K holding a pic with her name and "K says her MOMMY makes her GRUMPY!  " 

So, pretty much winning at this whole parenthood gig.

Are you here to be her friend or her mom? Cause a good mom gives her kids the grumpies sometimes.