The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[lurkyloo]

Hugs Taz.  I am so very sorry for your loss.  Way too young. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nov 8, 2018 21:40:38 GMT -5 Pants said:

Nov 8, 2018 17:22:39 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Making Gwen put away all the clothes I had to pick up off her floor and clean.

It's insane and I'm not done. I told her think about this whenever you feel the need to throw stuff on the ground.

I mean, she won't. Because children are mostly assholes. 



I know but at least I'm not putting it away.

[Sam_2.0]

He saw my counselor. I actually feel really relieved for being able to say to another human all these things that I've needed to say. Unfortunately having known both of us he supports me and my decision. And now the hard work begins

[andi9899]

Nov 9, 2018 12:07:14 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

He saw my counselor. I actually feel really relieved for being able to say to another human all these things that I've needed to say. Unfortunately having known both of us he supports me and my decision. And now the hard work begins

Wait. Did I miss something? What decision did you make?

[Pants]

Nov 9, 2018 12:07:14 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

He saw my counselor. I actually feel really relieved for being able to say to another human all these things that I've needed to say. Unfortunately having known both of us he supports me and my decision. And now the hard work begins

Sam, I feel like we're missing some info here... 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Nov 8, 2018 21:07:39 GMT -5 taz157 said:

There won’t be a funeral for my friend but they are having a memorial at another person’s house on Saturday night. I’m planning on going. It would be 5.5 hour drive there and I’d spend the night in that area. I’m debating whether to drive myself, have DH drive with me, or have my mom drive with me. I’m preferring to drive myself but DH doesn’t like that idea. Decisions...

when I was in a similar situation 3 years ago, I needed a driver to get home. I couldn't stop crying long enough to drive. But I was maybe 20-30 minutes from home and had a bunch of family at the funeral home. But it was brutally hard to attend.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 9, 2018 12:51:54 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Nov 8, 2018 21:07:39 GMT -5 taz157 said:

There won’t be a funeral for my friend but they are having a memorial at another person’s house on Saturday night. I’m planning on going. It would be 5.5 hour drive there and I’d spend the night in that area. I’m debating whether to drive myself, have DH drive with me, or have my mom drive with me. I’m preferring to drive myself but DH doesn’t like that idea. Decisions...

when I was in a similar situation 3 years ago, I needed a driver to get home. I couldn't stop crying long enough to drive. But I was maybe 20-30 minutes from home and had a bunch of family at the funeral home. But it was brutally hard to attend.

I was thinking I'd want someone to drive home with, but not there.  Pretty hard to make that work though considering the distance.  I'd probably go with my mom though.  She's better at understanding when I just need to be in the moment without trying to fix it/me.  

[Sam_2.0]

Nov 9, 2018 12:37:18 GMT -5 Pants said:

Nov 9, 2018 12:07:14 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

He saw my counselor. I actually feel really relieved for being able to say to another human all these things that I've needed to say. Unfortunately having known both of us he supports me and my decision. And now the hard work begins

Sam, I feel like we're missing some info here... 

Lol, intentionally being vague. I've got a lot of ducks to line up.

But for now, I need a nap.

[Wisconsin Beth]

You can do it Sam. We've got your back.

[muttleynfelix]

Nov 9, 2018 13:40:30 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

You can do it Sam. We've got your back.

Ditto! 👭

[NastyWoman]

Nov 9, 2018 13:40:30 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

You can do it Sam. We've got your back.

 always...

[Pants]

Nov 9, 2018 13:15:43 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 9, 2018 12:37:18 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sam, I feel like we're missing some info here... 

Lol, intentionally being vague. I've got a lot of ducks to line up.

But for now, I need a nap.

Ok. Well, for what it's worth, I also likely support your decision. Probably maybe. TBD. 

[Jaguar]

Sam_2.0, we are all here for you.

[Sam_2.0]

Nov 9, 2018 15:19:02 GMT -5 Pants said:

Nov 9, 2018 13:15:43 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Lol, intentionally being vague. I've got a lot of ducks to line up.

But for now, I need a nap.

Ok. Well, for what it's worth, I also likely support your decision. Probably maybe. TBD. 

I think you all will be on board. New thread started so i stop derailing this one.

[chapeau]

Nov 9, 2018 17:33:04 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 9, 2018 15:19:02 GMT -5 Pants said:

Ok. Well, for what it's worth, I also likely support your decision. Probably maybe. TBD. 

I think you all will be on board. New thread started so i stop derailing this one.

Sam, if you’re happy, or see happy in your future, we’re on board.
Not just potential happy. Happy happy.

[cktc]

Nov 9, 2018 17:33:04 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 9, 2018 15:19:02 GMT -5 Pants said:

Ok. Well, for what it's worth, I also likely support your decision. Probably maybe. TBD. 

I think you all will be on board. New thread started so i stop derailing this one.

I'm only on board with you buying a new car if an attorney approves. Have to time your ducks properly.

[Sam_2.0]

i am sure consulting an attorney is not needed just yet. i need to get some stuff straight first. 

[Blonde Granny]

Sam, this is not the time to "go it on your own". Someone once told me..."your best thinking is what got you here". Get yourself an attorney NOW since once miss step can cost you dearly.

[NastyWoman]

Nov 8, 2018 22:46:50 GMT -5 taz157 said:

FWIW, my maternal grandmother had ovarian cancer just before she turned 50. She was treated and lived until she was 82. My mom said that it was basically a fluke that it was caught as early as was considering this happened in the early 70s.

OTOH, my former boss’s former wife died 2 months after she was diagnosed in the early 2000s.

October was Ovarian Cancer month and they had a guest speaker about this subject at work during lunch time. Since I knew basically nothing about the subject I went to this event.  My main take-away was that it really is still a fluke if they catch ovarian cancer early.  If you look at the information I copied from the Mayo clinic website you can see that the symptoms are very vague and even then only present in later stage cancer.

The presenter was a young survivor (young in my eyes but I guess she was in her mid thirties) and in her case she went for a checkup in which she mentioned that she felt bloated.  Her gyno just happened to have a patient a few weeks before who complained about the same thing and who had since been diagnosed.  The doctor even told her that that was the only reason she checked her for ovarian cancer → a fluke if there ever was one.

[taz157]

Nov 9, 2018 18:58:58 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Nov 8, 2018 22:46:50 GMT -5 taz157 said:

FWIW, my maternal grandmother had ovarian cancer just before she turned 50. She was treated and lived until she was 82. My mom said that it was basically a fluke that it was caught as early as was considering this happened in the early 70s.

OTOH, my former boss’s former wife died 2 months after she was diagnosed in the early 2000s.

October was Ovarian Cancer month and they had a guest speaker about this subject at work during work time. Since I knew basically nothing about the subject I went to this event.  My main take-away was that it really is still a fluke if they catch ovarian cancer early.  If you look at the information I copied from the Mayo clinic website you can see that the symptoms are very vague and even then only present in later stage cancer.

The presenter was a young survivor (young in my eyes but I guess she was in her mid thirties) and in her case she went for a checkup in which she mentioned that she felt bloated.  Her gyno just happened to have a patient a few weeks before who complained about the same thing and who had since been diagnosed.  The doctor even told her that that was the only reason she checked her for ovarian cancer → a fluke if there ever was one.

One of our mutual friends had spoken with her friend online and eventually our friend had some health issues for some time. I knew she was anemic and also had PCOS. What her complaints were, I don't know, but there was no indication of cancer. The diagnosis was late, it had spread, and she went a lot faster than anyone was prepared for.

RIP my friend. You will be missed.

[NastyWoman]

taz157 I can't like your post since it is far too sad for that but I can  it

[tcu2003]

Hugs, Sam. As others have said, we just want you to be happy.

[Sam_2.0]

Nov 9, 2018 20:35:40 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

Hugs, Sam. As others have said, we just want you to be happy.

I think for now the best I can hope for is at least less unhappy not sure this is going to be any kind of fun.

[TheOtherMe]

Hugs, Sam.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I'm worried about my brother. He said some really disturbing stuff yesterday.

I told him he needs to call his therapist ASAP. I'm starting to think she is a joke. She is not giving him any tools and appears to be reinforcing that my parents are the root of all evil.

She also put him on Wellbutrin and isn't monitoring him. I warned him that could be the source of yesterday and he needs to call.

I want to be there for him but I cannot stand by and hate our parents. They aren't perfect by any means but they aren't Joan Crawford either. I also casnot abide being blamed myself. I get I'm part of the problem but I can't fix the parts he is mad about like me being born first.

I also got the father of my children to deal with who has to come first.

The issues my brother has goes beyond what I can help just like DH. Bro needs to see an actual psychatrist. And I did not say it out loud but I agree with the suggestion he needs to do a 72 hr voluntary eval.

I'm worried something really bad is going to happen. I know my parents are too because we've talked. None of us know what to do.

DH has taken a support role. He told bro to call the 24 hour line if he won't call his shrink. Or call DH which is better than nothing.

I feel so helpless. He claims I don't live him which is far from the truth. It's I recognize this is beyond my scope and any "help" I give could do far more damage. I'm providing help by insisting he seek professional help.

To be fair it may not be her fault but I do think there is evidence to suggest she is not experienced enough to handle the severity of my brother's issues.

But unless he does something it's his choice who he sees.

Mental illness sucks. Understatement if the century.

[Sam_2.0]

Big hugs, Drama. I hope he gets the help he needs <3 It is so hard to watch someone hurting and not be able to fix it for them.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I brought up I think he should see someone else. Course finding someone who takes medicaid is tough.

I'd pay for him to see a psychatrist. The problem is it wouldn't be a one time thing and I can't afford to sustain it.

We need DH in therapy and the lion's share of our money has to go to him.

I feel like a dick saying that but he's the father of my children. His wellbeing effects theirs so it has to come first.

[Pants]

Nov 10, 2018 8:35:54 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 9, 2018 20:35:40 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

Hugs, Sam. As others have said, we just want you to be happy.

I think for now the best I can hope for is at least less unhappy not sure this is going to be any kind of fun.

Sam, I actually agree with blonde granny if you are talking about what I assume you are. Which we don't know because you won't tell us, but fine. You can get your ducks in rows as much as possible and because your DH considers only his own priorities, you might still end up screwed. Like, you're deciding to forgo the car you really want to better your finances. That's great. But is he forgoing the new midlife crisis mobile he wants? Somehow I doubt it. He has poor impulse control, an unreliable income and access to your accounts. While you're getting ducks in rows there's nothing to stop him from knocking them all down.

Having a legal opinion on how all this *might* end up if you*might* end up making some decisions that*might* take you in a different direction - that's not a final decision, it's smart planning. It will help with the ducks.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Nov 10, 2018 10:34:10 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I brought up I think he should see someone else. Course finding someone who takes medicaid is tough.

I'd pay for him to see a psychatrist. The problem is it wouldn't be a one time thing and I can't afford to sustain it.

We need DH in therapy and the lion's share of our money has to go to him.

I feel like a dick saying that but he's the father of my children. His wellbeing effects theirs so it has to come first.

It is absolutely appropriate to put your husband ahead of your brother.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nov 10, 2018 13:57:41 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Nov 10, 2018 10:34:10 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I brought up I think he should see someone else. Course finding someone who takes medicaid is tough.

I'd pay for him to see a psychatrist. The problem is it wouldn't be a one time thing and I can't afford to sustain it.

We need DH in therapy and the lion's share of our money has to go to him.

I feel like a dick saying that but he's the father of my children. His wellbeing effects theirs so it has to come first.

It is absolutely appropriate to put your husband ahead of your brother.

I know. I also know I can't control how my brother chooses to interpret things.

I hate watching my family implode knowing there is not a damn thing I can do about it.

I.got my hands full but if something happens to my brother there will be a piece of me that will forever hate myself for my decisions.