The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[Cookies Galore]

Oct 31, 2018 21:34:46 GMT -5 Pants said:

Oct 31, 2018 21:31:05 GMT -5 Jaguar said:

Well I see a beautiful picture of a fairy.

A fairy? Oh no, no no. 

You are looking at Pink Princess Barbie - Catwoman-Tinkerbell- President Vanellope Von Schweetz-Katana-Queen Elsa of Arendelle, M.D. 

Yes i I let the 3 year old dictate her own costume and I have NO REGRETS. 

And for clarity, she's wearing a full Elsa costume under the pink one, and she thinks that poster tube is a Japanese sword carried by superhero girl Katana. 

That is one bad ass costume!

[raeoflyte]

Health insurance question.  We have a PPO and HSA available.  Deductible and OOP max are the same on both.  PPO costs $4400 more a year in premiums, and I'd lose the $1250 that the companies pays toward my HSA.  We will always hit C's deductible and OOP max.  Hitting the family OOP is planned for (although we always hope that won't happen).  

HSA is the only choice here--right?  We'd still have to pay copays for rx and appointments.  C's OOP max is $6k, and the PPO costs me an extra $5650.  So if things went perfectly we'd save a few hundred, but if it is a bad year, we're paying significantly more.  

[chen35]

Nov 2, 2018 11:57:07 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Health insurance question.  We have a PPO and HSA available.  Deductible and OOP max are the same on both.  PPO costs $4400 more a year in premiums, and I'd lose the $1250 that the companies pays toward my HSA.  We will always hit C's deductible and OOP max.  Hitting the family OOP is planned for (although we always hope that won't happen).  

HSA is the only choice here--right?  We'd still have to pay copays for rx and appointments.  C's OOP max is $6k, and the PPO costs me an extra $5650.  So if things went perfectly we'd save a few hundred, but if it is a bad year, we're paying significantly more.  

It sounds like it. Do both plans pay the same rate after the deductible is met? co-pays are the same on both?

[tcu2003]

Nov 2, 2018 7:19:37 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Nov 1, 2018 19:40:35 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

DH and I went and voted tonight after picking up the kids. C seemed interested and liked getting to help me make selections on the touchscreen. Now here’s hoping we don’t elect the idiot running for governor who is an abysmal Sec of State and person (he’s the idiot who “advises” Pres Orange on immigration and voting fraud). Except that’s probably what’ll happen. 😕😡

Are you in Georgia?

Nope, Kansas.

[andi9899]

Nov 2, 2018 13:01:22 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

Nov 2, 2018 7:19:37 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Are you in Georgia?

Nope, Kansas.

Hey! Did you have to take anything with you besides your driver's license? I want to go vote right after work and didn't remember what I took with me last time as I've slept since then.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 2, 2018 12:38:03 GMT -5 chen35 said:

Nov 2, 2018 11:57:07 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Health insurance question.  We have a PPO and HSA available.  Deductible and OOP max are the same on both.  PPO costs $4400 more a year in premiums, and I'd lose the $1250 that the companies pays toward my HSA.  We will always hit C's deductible and OOP max.  Hitting the family OOP is planned for (although we always hope that won't happen).  

HSA is the only choice here--right?  We'd still have to pay copays for rx and appointments.  C's OOP max is $6k, and the PPO costs me an extra $5650.  So if things went perfectly we'd save a few hundred, but if it is a bad year, we're paying significantly more.  

It sounds like it. Do both plans pay the same rate after the deductible is met? co-pays are the same on both?

Not really.  PPO looks like you always pay your copay except on pharmacy, those are waived after meeting the deductible.  HSA there are no deductibles.  You pay 100% until you hit your deductible on appointments and rx, and then 20% until you hit your OOP.  

So in theory the PPO on a good year we wouldn't hit the deductible as we'd just be paying copays for everything.  That is assuming that C just has his 4 endo appointments, normal rx, and then just well or sick appointments withe GP.  But it would be $200 in copays for the 4 endo appointments, plus gawd only knows how much in copays for rx.  Since it costs so much more in premiums, there is no way we'd break even, let alone ahead with the PPO even in a perfect year.  

Thank you...that is what I needed to get to again.  I just always hear that HSA's are only good for healthy people, but we don't count as healthy and it is always the best option.  

[gs11rmb]

Nov 2, 2018 13:01:22 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

Nov 2, 2018 7:19:37 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Are you in Georgia?

Nope, Kansas.

We have the exact same situation playing out in Georgia.  The current Secretary of State (who oversees the fairness of the voting process) is running for Governor.  There have been multiple accusations of voter suppression tactics but he's refused to resign his position. 

[chen35]

Nov 2, 2018 13:05:41 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 2, 2018 12:38:03 GMT -5 chen35 said:

It sounds like it. Do both plans pay the same rate after the deductible is met? co-pays are the same on both?

Not really.  PPO looks like you always pay your copay except on pharmacy, those are waived after meeting the deductible.  HSA there are no deductibles.  You pay 100% until you hit your deductible on appointments and rx, and then 20% until you hit your OOP.  

So in theory the PPO on a good year we wouldn't hit the deductible as we'd just be paying copays for everything.  That is assuming that C just has his 4 endo appointments, normal rx, and then just well or sick appointments withe GP.  But it would be $200 in copays for the 4 endo appointments, plus gawd only knows how much in copays for rx.  Since it costs so much more in premiums, there is no way we'd break even, let alone ahead with the PPO even in a perfect year.  

Thank you...that is what I needed to get to again.  I just always hear that HSA's are only good for healthy people, but we don't count as healthy and it is always the best option.  

where the OOP and deductible are the same on both I think it would have to be a really strange combination of events to make the PPO come out ahead. Especially considering the employer contribution.

[muttleynfelix]

Nov 2, 2018 13:05:41 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 2, 2018 12:38:03 GMT -5 chen35 said:

It sounds like it. Do both plans pay the same rate after the deductible is met? co-pays are the same on both?

Not really.  PPO looks like you always pay your copay except on pharmacy, those are waived after meeting the deductible.  HSA there are no deductibles.  You pay 100% until you hit your deductible on appointments and rx, and then 20% until you hit your OOP.  

So in theory the PPO on a good year we wouldn't hit the deductible as we'd just be paying copays for everything.  That is assuming that C just has his 4 endo appointments, normal rx, and then just well or sick appointments withe GP.  But it would be $200 in copays for the 4 endo appointments, plus gawd only knows how much in copays for rx.  Since it costs so much more in premiums, there is no way we'd break even, let alone ahead with the PPO even in a perfect year.  

Thank you...that is what I needed to get to again.  I just always hear that HSA's are only good for healthy people, but we don't count as healthy and it is always the best option.  

Does your company have a calculator to look at it? We have a calculator called ALEX that lets you go through some scenarios to see which saves you 're most money.

[Pants]

Nov 2, 2018 13:05:41 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 2, 2018 12:38:03 GMT -5 chen35 said:

It sounds like it. Do both plans pay the same rate after the deductible is met? co-pays are the same on both?

Not really.  PPO looks like you always pay your copay except on pharmacy, those are waived after meeting the deductible.  HSA there are no deductibles.  You pay 100% until you hit your deductible on appointments and rx, and then 20% until you hit your OOP.  

So in theory the PPO on a good year we wouldn't hit the deductible as we'd just be paying copays for everything.  That is assuming that C just has his 4 endo appointments, normal rx, and then just well or sick appointments withe GP.  But it would be $200 in copays for the 4 endo appointments, plus gawd only knows how much in copays for rx.  Since it costs so much more in premiums, there is no way we'd break even, let alone ahead with the PPO even in a perfect year.  

Thank you...that is what I needed to get to again.  I just always hear that HSA's are only good for healthy people, but we don't count as healthy and it is always the best option.  

If both plans have the same deductible and OOP Max, there's zero way the ppo will come out ahead. In that situation, unless there were different docs/hospitals/specialists under the PPO that you can't get covered under HSA, HSA is the obvious choice. 

[tcu2003]

Nov 2, 2018 13:04:58 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Nov 2, 2018 13:01:22 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

Nope, Kansas.

Hey! Did you have to take anything with you besides your driver's license? I want to go vote right after work and didn't remember what I took with me last time as I've slept since then.

Nope, just my license.

[Sam_2.0]

So. That coworker from my dream while back...

We exchanged numbers for a project that had us working after hours. Ended up exchanging non-work related texts.

Oops.

[oped]

Lost 2 Water, you are one of my favorite posters everywhere   And i should probably just keep my mouth closed. I've started and deleted this more than once. But be careful. 

I was in my 20s in a relationship that shouldn't have gone on nearly so long as it did.  I flirted heavily with a guy at a party, right in front of ex. We finally broke up.

Friends of ours at the time... she was having an all out affair and he found out about it but they were 'working through it'...  I said to a third friend, Why is it she has a hidden affair and its not over and i flirted publicly and it is and she said outright... you wanted to leave. You did just enough in a very obvious way to force his hand. 

And she was right, obviously.  I wanted out of that relationship but had no idea how to do it. So I made the circumstances what they needed to be in order to prompt my exit. 

The kicker is I wish i hadn't.  For lots of reasons. I wish i'd been strong enough to stand up for myself instead of slinking out the back door so to speak. And I REALLY hate giving him the high ground in our ending narrative. He was an asshole. But the end move was all me, and it wasn't very classy... and its the story he got to tell, himself and everyone else. 

And if this is in no way relevant. No problem. Ignore me. Please. I just, well, I love who you are and I don't want you to do anything for the wrong, right reasons... if that makes any kind of sense.   

[zibazinski]

Nov 2, 2018 20:41:13 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

So. That coworker from my dream while back...

We exchanged numbers for a project that had us working after hours. Ended up exchanging non-work related texts.

Oops.

What’s good for the goose...

[Sam_2.0]

Nov 3, 2018 7:20:28 GMT -5 oped said:

Lost 2 Water, you are one of my favorite posters everywhere   And i should probably just keep my mouth closed. I've started and deleted this more than once. But be careful. 

I was in my 20s in a relationship that shouldn't have gone on nearly so long as it did.  I flirted heavily with a guy at a party, right in front of ex. We finally broke up.

Friends of ours at the time... she was having an all out affair and he found out about it but they were 'working through it'...  I said to a third friend, Why is it she has a hidden affair and its not over and i flirted publicly and it is and she said outright... you wanted to leave. You did just enough in a very obvious way to force his hand. 

And she was right, obviously.  I wanted out of that relationship but had no idea how to do it. So I made the circumstances what they needed to be in order to prompt my exit. 

The kicker is I wish i hadn't.  For lots of reasons. I wish i'd been strong enough to stand up for myself instead of slinking out the back door so to speak. And I REALLY hate giving him the high ground in our ending narrative. He was an asshole. But the end move was all me, and it wasn't very classy... and its the story he got to tell, himself and everyone else. 

And if this is in no way relevant. No problem. Ignore me. Please. I just, well, I love who you are and I don't want you to do anything for the wrong, right reasons... if that makes any kind of sense.   

Thanks I understand completely. I know I should lose the # asap. It's just...I dont want to because right now it's kind of fun to get messages. Or to have someone say they were happy to see me that day vs. someone who doesn't come home.

[andi9899]

Nov 3, 2018 8:46:59 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 3, 2018 7:20:28 GMT -5 oped said:

Lost 2 Water, you are one of my favorite posters everywhere   And i should probably just keep my mouth closed. I've started and deleted this more than once. But be careful. 

I was in my 20s in a relationship that shouldn't have gone on nearly so long as it did.  I flirted heavily with a guy at a party, right in front of ex. We finally broke up.

Friends of ours at the time... she was having an all out affair and he found out about it but they were 'working through it'...  I said to a third friend, Why is it she has a hidden affair and its not over and i flirted publicly and it is and she said outright... you wanted to leave. You did just enough in a very obvious way to force his hand. 

And she was right, obviously.  I wanted out of that relationship but had no idea how to do it. So I made the circumstances what they needed to be in order to prompt my exit. 

The kicker is I wish i hadn't.  For lots of reasons. I wish i'd been strong enough to stand up for myself instead of slinking out the back door so to speak. And I REALLY hate giving him the high ground in our ending narrative. He was an asshole. But the end move was all me, and it wasn't very classy... and its the story he got to tell, himself and everyone else. 

And if this is in no way relevant. No problem. Ignore me. Please. I just, well, I love who you are and I don't want you to do anything for the wrong, right reasons... if that makes any kind of sense.   

Thanks I understand completely. I know I should lose the # asap. It's just...I dont want to because right now it's kind of fun to get messages. Or to have someone say they were happy to see me that day vs. someone who doesn't come home.

Sam, I just adore you. But you do remember how you were feeling over the summer when he was doing the same thing. This is not going to end well if it continues. That's all the lecture you're getting from me. Just be careful, my friend.

[cktc]

Nov 3, 2018 8:46:59 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 3, 2018 7:20:28 GMT -5 oped said:

Lost 2 Water, you are one of my favorite posters everywhere   And i should probably just keep my mouth closed. I've started and deleted this more than once. But be careful. 

I was in my 20s in a relationship that shouldn't have gone on nearly so long as it did.  I flirted heavily with a guy at a party, right in front of ex. We finally broke up.

Friends of ours at the time... she was having an all out affair and he found out about it but they were 'working through it'...  I said to a third friend, Why is it she has a hidden affair and its not over and i flirted publicly and it is and she said outright... you wanted to leave. You did just enough in a very obvious way to force his hand. 

And she was right, obviously.  I wanted out of that relationship but had no idea how to do it. So I made the circumstances what they needed to be in order to prompt my exit. 

The kicker is I wish i hadn't.  For lots of reasons. I wish i'd been strong enough to stand up for myself instead of slinking out the back door so to speak. And I REALLY hate giving him the high ground in our ending narrative. He was an asshole. But the end move was all me, and it wasn't very classy... and its the story he got to tell, himself and everyone else. 

And if this is in no way relevant. No problem. Ignore me. Please. I just, well, I love who you are and I don't want you to do anything for the wrong, right reasons... if that makes any kind of sense.   

Thanks [img src="http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/smile.gif" alt="" class="smile" src="//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png"] I understand completely. I know I should lose the # asap. It's just...I dont want to because right now it's kind of fun to get messages. Or to have someone say they were happy to see me that day vs. someone who doesn't come home.

Please just talk to your counselor. Maybe this is the wake-up call you need to make your exit. Maybe its the wake up call your husband needs to see how much trouble your relationship is in. Whatever you need it to be, don't take it further. You are better than this, deserve better than this, and can find happiness again in a better way.

[oped]

Just to clarify. I don't think I was a bad person, or anyone is who makes decisions to do what is best for them, makes them feel a little happiness. I just know for myself i wish i had made a different choice because it wasn't really about that flirty guy. It was about my relationship and I would have preferred not being made into the bad guy on the way out... It would have been more honest to tell him that he was an asshole and i was worth more and walk away under my own momentum. 

Yes, this is the guy of the famous worst Christmas gift ever...    Can't believe that relationship lasted four years... yikes. 

[Sam_2.0]

Nov 3, 2018 9:19:13 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Nov 3, 2018 8:46:59 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Thanks I understand completely. I know I should lose the # asap. It's just...I dont want to because right now it's kind of fun to get messages. Or to have someone say they were happy to see me that day vs. someone who doesn't come home.

Sam, I just adore you. But you do remember how you were feeling over the summer when he was doing the same thing. This is not going to end well if it continues. That's all the lecture you're getting from me. Just be careful, my friend.

I mean, I have no plans to abandon him at a festival with no way for him to get home, and then act pissed when my friend sees him and suggests that we allow him to come home with us, and then ask him to leave me off on the side of the highway so I can get an uber to go hang out with work dude the rest of the night.

I've sent some flirty texts. That's it. I know where it could go and part of why I admitted it here is that once something isnt a secret it loses some of the appeal. Good way to help stop it.

As for the reason why I even responded...yeah. I've got work to do there.

[andi9899]

Nov 3, 2018 10:37:10 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 3, 2018 9:19:13 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sam, I just adore you. But you do remember how you were feeling over the summer when he was doing the same thing. This is not going to end well if it continues. That's all the lecture you're getting from me. Just be careful, my friend.

I mean, I have no plans to abandon him at a festival with no way for him to get home, and then act pissed when my friend sees him and suggests that we allow him to come home with us, and then ask him to leave me off on the side of the highway so I can get an uber to go hang out with work dude the rest of the night.

I've sent some flirty texts. That's it. I know where it could go and part of why I admitted it here is that once something isnt a secret it loses some of the appeal. Good way to help stop it.

As for the reason why I even responded...yeah. I've got work to do there.

That doesn't make it right or make one of you better than the other.

I'm going to just stop commenting on this now.

[Sam_2.0]

You all are good friends, though, to call me out.

[geenamercile]

I really want to post pictures of my daughters and Halloween trying to figure out how.  

Full open confession here and I know this isn't a how most people roll.  DH has messed around with other women with flirting up to third base, sometimes I joined in.  It never really bothered me as long as he meet the needs/expectations of our relationship.  Hell, we both have messed around with my best friend who is staying with us together, and him alone.  Although, nothing right now.   I think I really could do an open marriage (was my original plan to began with back in my early years before getting with DH).  However, when I found someone I wanted to mess around with, he got all upset over it.    It was a kind of fine I won't do anything with him, but I am still annoyed about the hypocrisy of it.  And I still wouldn't be upset if he found someone else to get off, he is certainly happier then.         

[swamp]

Sam, he leaves his dirty socks an the floor, whines when he’s sick, and can’t cook.

But the flirting makes you feel better.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nov 3, 2018 10:37:10 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 3, 2018 9:19:13 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sam, I just adore you. But you do remember how you were feeling over the summer when he was doing the same thing. This is not going to end well if it continues. That's all the lecture you're getting from me. Just be careful, my friend.

I mean, I have no plans to abandon him at a festival with no way for him to get home, and then act pissed when my friend sees him and suggests that we allow him to come home with us, and then ask him to leave me off on the side of the highway so I can get an uber to go hang out with work dude the rest of the night.

I've sent some flirty texts. That's it. I know where it could go and part of why I admitted it here is that once something isnt a secret it loses some of the appeal. Good way to help stop it.

As for the reason why I even responded...yeah. I've got work to do there.

It probably didn't start that way for him either.

We're all human and we're not blind. I don't consider a bit of flirting to be a big deal.

But be careful. It's a slippery slope especially if you are unhappy in your marriage.

Plus he's a coworker. That's a minefield of it's own.

I had to reel it back with a coworker when I was engaged. It was alarmingly easy to start sliding into "oh shit" territory. I never would have slept with him but if DH had seen us together I'm sure he would have killed him.

[justme]

Nov 3, 2018 12:33:49 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

I really want to post pictures of my daughters and Halloween trying to figure out how.  

Full open confession here and I know this isn't a how most people roll.  DH has messed around with other women with flirting up to third base, sometimes I joined in.  It never really bothered me as long as he meet the needs/expectations of our relationship.  Hell, we both have messed around with my best friend who is staying with us together, and him alone.  Although, nothing right now.   I think I really could do an open marriage (was my original plan to began with back in my early years before getting with DH).  However, when I found someone I wanted to mess around with, he got all upset over it.    It was a kind of fine I won't do anything with him, but I am still annoyed about the hypocrisy of it.  And I still wouldn't be upset if he found someone else to get off, he is certainly happier then.         

Dan Savage had an interesting article about the "one penis policy" though it's mostly not him. It will pop right up if you google it so I don't clutter up this thread with it.

[Pants]

Nov 3, 2018 10:37:10 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 3, 2018 9:19:13 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sam, I just adore you. But you do remember how you were feeling over the summer when he was doing the same thing. This is not going to end well if it continues. That's all the lecture you're getting from me. Just be careful, my friend.

I mean, I have no plans to abandon him at a festival with no way for him to get home, and then act pissed when my friend sees him and suggests that we allow him to come home with us, and then ask him to leave me off on the side of the highway so I can get an uber to go hang out with work dude the rest of the night.

I've sent some flirty texts. That's it. I know where it could go and part of why I admitted it here is that once something isnt a secret it loses some of the appeal. Good way to help stop it.

As for the reason why I even responded...yeah. I've got work to do there.

I think most women who have been married a while get the pull of the flirtation. (research somewhere that women are actually less monogamous than men and get tired of the same dick for life.) How he acted this summer with the bartender - everything from going to a bar every fucking day all the way up to the texting and the ditching you and everything else - none of that was ok. And you know that this isn't ok either.

Ask MJ how this one works out - she's provided some good perspective in the past.

Here's the thing though: if everything was fine in your marriage, this wouldn't be happening. Or it might, but it would be fun and funny, there wouldn't be this frisson of danger and real heat around it. This guy is likely just as much of a fucking asshole as your husband, but he's not the asshole you have to live with, and that draw is a very real and powerful thing.

But you don't need new dick in order to end your marriage, if that's what you want. But that knowledge, that it's there if you want it, if you were free to pursue it - that's not nothing. either.

TL;DR: Stop flirting with the dude. Sort out what you want from your marriage, then do that. Then, if you decide you want to flirt with dudes once you've a) separated b) opened your marriage c) killed your husband - whatever - then you can rock out with your cock out, my friend.

[Pants]

Nov 3, 2018 12:33:49 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

I really want to post pictures of my daughters and Halloween trying to figure out how.  

Full open confession here and I know this isn't a how most people roll.  DH has messed around with other women with flirting up to third base, sometimes I joined in.  It never really bothered me as long as he meet the needs/expectations of our relationship.  Hell, we both have messed around with my best friend who is staying with us together, and him alone.  Although, nothing right now.   I think I really could do an open marriage (was my original plan to began with back in my early years before getting with DH).  However, when I found someone I wanted to mess around with, he got all upset over it.    It was a kind of fine I won't do anything with him, but I am still annoyed about the hypocrisy of it.  And I still wouldn't be upset if he found someone else to get off, he is certainly happier then.         

Yeah, the one penis policy is some homophobic bullshit dressed up in toxic masculinity. I've often thought opening up my marriage would solve a lot of my problems, but DH would never go for it.

[swamp]

I think if you leave a marriage for another guy, you just trade one set of problems for another. Guys are guys and they all have their issues.

But I also understand the allure of flirting. If you’re being ignored at home, it’s nice to get some attention and have some acknowledgement you can still attract someone.

[Pants]

Nov 3, 2018 14:04:41 GMT -5 swamp said:

I think if you leave a marriage for another guy, you just trade one set of problems for another. Guys are guys and they all have their issues.

But I also understand the allure of flirting. If you’re being ignored at home, it’s nice to get some attention and have some acknowledgement you can still attract someone.

Remember ladies - dick is abundant and of low value!

[raeoflyte]

Nov 3, 2018 12:33:49 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

I really want to post pictures of my daughters and Halloween trying to figure out how.  

Full open confession here and I know this isn't a how most people roll.  DH has messed around with other women with flirting up to third base, sometimes I joined in.  It never really bothered me as long as he meet the needs/expectations of our relationship.  Hell, we both have messed around with my best friend who is staying with us together, and him alone.  Although, nothing right now.   I think I really could do an open marriage (was my original plan to began with back in my early years before getting with DH).  However, when I found someone I wanted to mess around with, he got all upset over it.    It was a kind of fine I won't do anything with him, but I am still annoyed about the hypocrisy of it.  And I still wouldn't be upset if he found someone else to get off, he is certainly happier then.         

I've always told dh that if he is really attracted to someone to come talk to me because I'm 99% certain I'll be okay with a fling, but that offer only stands if we talk before it happens. Oddly he didn't offer the same thing to me.