The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[Pants]

Oct 26, 2018 21:37:46 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

He's 3.5, it's far too soon to deem him a bad egg.

If you hit my kids, Ill hit you right back, and if you think that isn't fair better rethink your values. I won't hit you in anger either, and only to teach you a lesson, but I assure you it will hurt.

Dh had multiple talks with in laws that hair pulling and any kind of physical punishment was absolutely forbidden and there wouldn't be second chances.

My dad once said something about wanting to smack my ODD when she'd headbutted him. I looked him dead in the eye and told him if he ever hit my kid it would be the last time he saw her. I was not joking.

[Sam_2.0]

Everyone who says they were spanked/hit and turned out fine is either not dealing with their trauma or did ok in spite of it. Not because of it.

DH and I have messed up a lot of shit. But at least hitting them is off the table. And DH has come along, even if reluctantly. He wont do it since I am so opposed. Which says a lot given where we came from.

[Sam_2.0]

J is showing signs of some of the mental health issues DH and I have. He wont let me wash his hair. It's a sensory thing, but to the point where I have to hold him down once a month just to not let him smell. And he wont let us kiss him, because of the sensation. He is happy to give kisses to us and begs for hugs all the time. But no kisses. I worry that he has ADHD or autistic tendencies. Hes also freakishly smart and I am 90% sure he can read. He knows the letters and sounds and how to make words, and he reads signs to us as we are driving, even ones he doesn't know just from brand recognition.

A has described feeling anxiety, quite accurately. She gets super anxious about school or any time when she feels like she is being watched/times.

T is too little. Hes just an asshole he gave the Walmart cashier some serious side-eye when she said hello tonight. Hahah!

Trying to help the kids learn the coping skills we have picked up, giving more understanding and patience for issues, and wondering when to go further. The pediatrician has been fabulous in helping and says we are OK for now.

[CCL]

Oct 26, 2018 22:04:47 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Oct 26, 2018 21:56:39 GMT -5 CCL said:

Do you mean the kids were hair-pulling or the in-laws were? Either way should not be allowed, but definitely not from the in-laws.

I never really had to spank my boys and I sure would never hit them, nor allow anyone else to.

They were a handful, for sure, but I found the best way to manage them was to keep them busy and get them out doing things.

FIL pulled dh's and his sisters hair as a punishment. They were spanked regularly too, but the hair pulling was the worst for dh and he/we wouldn't let them babysit without promises they wouldn't repeat "their tried and true parenting techniques" on our kids.

Oh no. Yeah, I'd never put up with that. I can't tolerate anyone slapping either. Some of that crap was more common in the past, but that doesn't make it ok.

[CCL]

Oct 26, 2018 22:13:56 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

J is showing signs of some of the mental health issues DH and I have. He wont let me wash his hair. It's a sensory thing, but to the point where I have to hold him down once a month just to not let him smell. And he wont let us kiss him, because of the sensation. He is happy to give kisses to us and begs for hugs all the time. But no kisses. I worry that he has ADHD or autistic tendencies. Hes also freakishly smart and I am 90% sure he can read. He knows the letters and sounds and how to make words, and he reads signs to us as we are driving, even ones he doesn't know just from brand recognition.

A has described feeling anxiety, quite accurately. She gets super anxious about school or any time when she feels like she is being watched/times.

T is too little. Hes just an asshole he gave the Walmart cashier some serious side-eye when she said hello tonight. Hahah!

Trying to help the kids learn the coping skills we have picked up, giving more understanding and patience for issues, and wondering when to go further. The pediatrician has been fabulous in helping and says we are OK for now.

How old is he? My boy taught himself to read when he was barely 3 by reading signs and matching them up with a map. When he got to school they put him in the gifted program. I can remember being able to read anything and everything when I was 4. Maybe it was some kind of hereditary thing? I don't know, but I do know it's very possible to read at a young age with very little instruction.

[Deleted]

Oct 26, 2018 22:22:38 GMT -5 CCL said:

Oct 26, 2018 22:13:56 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

J is showing signs of some of the mental health issues DH and I have. He wont let me wash his hair. It's a sensory thing, but to the point where I have to hold him down once a month just to not let him smell. And he wont let us kiss him, because of the sensation. He is happy to give kisses to us and begs for hugs all the time. But no kisses. I worry that he has ADHD or autistic tendencies. Hes also freakishly smart and I am 90% sure he can read. He knows the letters and sounds and how to make words, and he reads signs to us as we are driving, even ones he doesn't know just from brand recognition.

A has described feeling anxiety, quite accurately. She gets super anxious about school or any time when she feels like she is being watched/times.

T is too little. Hes just an asshole [img src="http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/wink.png" class="smile" src="//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png" alt=""] he gave the Walmart cashier some serious side-eye when she said hello tonight. Hahah!

Trying to help the kids learn the coping skills we have picked up, giving more understanding and patience for issues, and wondering when to go further. The pediatrician has been fabulous in helping and says we are OK for now.

How old is he? My boy taught himself to read when he was barely 3 by reading signs and matching them up with a map. When he got to school they put him in the gifted program. I can remember being able to read anything and everything when I was 4. Maybe it was some kind of hereditary thing? I don't know, but I do know it's very possible to read at a young age with very little instruction.

Same with my older son.  He was definitely reading quite well by 3.  When he got to preschool they freaked out at how well he could read and he had all the states and capitals memorized at 4.  I thought he was a child genius.  It went away.  

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Oct 26, 2018 22:13:56 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

J is showing signs of some of the mental health issues DH and I have. He wont let me wash his hair. It's a sensory thing, but to the point where I have to hold him down once a month just to not let him smell. And he wont let us kiss him, because of the sensation. He is happy to give kisses to us and begs for hugs all the time. But no kisses. I worry that he has ADHD or autistic tendencies. Hes also freakishly smart and I am 90% sure he can read. He knows the letters and sounds and how to make words, and he reads signs to us as we are driving, even ones he doesn't know just from brand recognition.

A has described feeling anxiety, quite accurately. She gets super anxious about school or any time when she feels like she is being watched/times.

T is too little. Hes just an asshole [img src="http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/wink.png" class="smile" src="//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png" alt=""] he gave the Walmart cashier some serious side-eye when she said hello tonight. Hahah!

Trying to help the kids learn the coping skills we have picked up, giving more understanding and patience for issues, and wondering when to go further. The pediatrician has been fabulous in helping and says we are OK for now.

DD#2 is like that. Couldn't stand loud noises--hated the dryer and the vacuum. Temps above  90 gave her a heat rash quickly.  snowy days made her cry. Touching sand and grass freaked her out. She refused to wear pants for five years. She hated the clasp/snap touching her and the waistband and the feel of cloth surrounding her legs. She was basically a nudist until age three. We worked through it and managed to agree that she would wear some type of clothes after that.  She hated showering and bathing. I had to have her beloved Dr. Marty tell her she had to take a bath in one inch of water three days per week. He actually was concerned about her vaginal area becoming infected. He was the one who decided we could go with the one inch of water and the three days per week. 

[countrygirl2]

They can take care of it, hopefully its a phase.  I'm old, I guess the things I think are over the top and not right are old fashioned.  I made my kids sit down when we went out to eat, have good table manners and other things, even DD, she had the same home training.  Son was just stubborn, but he always was.  He never got in trouble or anything at school but was aggravating at home.  I don't know what little guy is doing.  But to have a pile of reports and there 2 weeks, something doesn't seem right.  It's the daycare at the army base.  Son went for the conference too, he thinks him being with other kids will help.  He said he was bored at home.  If I lived around them and he was at my home too, he would learn what is acceptable and not.  Hubs and I agree on that.  Guess we will see what he is like when we go up.  I said will they let him stay?  He said well I'm sure it he doesn't stop at some point they won't.  I hope they do, I think he needs consistency and English and needs to learn to express himself.  I think that will help him. I also had advised them not to let him watch violent movies when little.  I monitored what the kids saw when little and they were nothing like now.  I don't know if they do or not. 

[raeoflyte]

Oct 26, 2018 23:37:00 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

They can take care of it, hopefully its a phase.  I'm old, I guess the things I think are over the top and not right are old fashioned.  I made my kids sit down when we went out to eat, have good table manners and other things, even DD, she had the same home training.  Son was just stubborn, but he always was.  He never got in trouble or anything at school but was aggravating at home.  I don't know what little guy is doing.  But to have a pile of reports and there 2 weeks, something doesn't seem right.  It's the daycare at the army base.  Son went for the conference too, he thinks him being with other kids will help.  He said he was bored at home.  If I lived around them and he was at my home too, he would learn what is acceptable and not.  Hubs and I agree on that.  Guess we will see what he is like when we go up.  I said will they let him stay?  He said well I'm sure it he doesn't stop at some point they won't.  I hope they do, I think he needs consistency and English and needs to learn to express himself.  I think that will help him. I also had advised them not to let him watch violent movies when little.  I monitored what the kids saw when little and they were nothing like now.  I don't know if they do or not. 

It's interesting that you interpret people saying they don't support hitting children the same as parents not setting any expectations, rules, or helping their children learn social norms.

You post a lot worrying what other people think of you, and you're also very certain that your way is the only way. You don't have to say anything for people to know you're judging and looking down at them.

[countrygirl2]

They are going to do what they are going to do.  It wouldn't matter what I say.  I just hope it turns out ok for him and them.  I just know son has expressed his concerns to me.  I haven't said anything to him except I hope the daycare works out for him and agree he needs it.  Which I think he does. I am worrying about his English skills or lack of.  When we go up we will see if he talks more.  When I was there even a week he picked up more words.  I've got to not worry about him as there is nothing I can do. And I'm glad son is there and able to go to the conferences.  Because she has trouble understanding she just gets mad about everything.  I pretty much am down to high fives or likes as she misinterprets things I say.  I wish it were otherwise and I hope the English classes help her too.  I think she will still misinterpret but hopefully a lot less. Its a difficult situation for everyone.  

[zibazinski]

I’m sorry but I’m the same way. I wanted to like my children as well as love them. It’s my job to train them in acceptable behavior around others as well as at home. I see the results of loose parenting skills. No one likes the child when the finger needs to be pointed at the parent. The child suffers because everyone avoids them. I had students that no one would partner with so they had to sit out in certain games. Parents would call all irate and I had to tell them I could not force another child to partner with their child, then I’d suggest the “friends” class that the social worker had at the school for children whose parents hadn’t taught them to behave. Only when their child begins to suffer the consequences do the parents MAYBE realize they messed up. 3 1/2 is young but throwing things at a face isn’t a mistake at that age. He is old enough to know better and that it could hurt someone. Less than 2 is another story. Laughing at poor behavior reinforces that behavior. It’s not cute. A military preschool? Yikes!!

[finnime]

countrygirl2, maybe he's frustrated by not being able to make himself understood and is acting out. If that's the case the daycare/preschool could be an important help to him. He does need to learn to be more social.

[Pants]

Oct 27, 2018 0:01:11 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

They are going to do what they are going to do.  It wouldn't matter what I say.  I just hope it turns out ok for him and them.  I just know son has expressed his concerns to me.  I haven't said anything to him except I hope the daycare works out for him and agree he needs it.  Which I think he does. I am worrying about his English skills or lack of.  When we go up we will see if he talks more.  When I was there even a week he picked up more words.  I've got to not worry about him as there is nothing I can do. And I'm glad son is there and able to go to the conferences.  Because she has trouble understanding she just gets mad about everything.  I pretty much am down to high fives or likes as she misinterprets things I say.  I wish it were otherwise and I hope the English classes help her too.  I think she will still misinterpret but hopefully a lot less. Its a difficult situation for everyone.  

Pat, what if you just tried to enjoy your grandson instead of judging him? My parents don't always agree with my parenting but they make a strong effort to engage with my kids and have forged incredible bonds with them. My kids beg to go to my parents house where the rules are relaxed and my parents just have fun with them.

Stop worrying about his English. He lives in the US with a foreign parent - he'll be bilingual and it will be an asset to him later in life. It's very normal!

3 year olds are hard - for my kids harder than the "terrible 2s". They are little sociopaths, the lot of them. He'll get through it. Be a positive role model for him and teach him how to treat *you*.

[Pants]

Oct 27, 2018 6:18:11 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I’m sorry but I’m the same way. I wanted to like my children as well as love them. It’s my job to train them in acceptable behavior around others as well as at home. I see the results of loose parenting skills. No one likes the child when the finger needs to be pointed at the parent. The child suffers because everyone avoids them. I had students that no one would partner with so they had to sit out in certain games. Parents would call all irate and I had to tell them I could not force another child to partner with their child, then I’d suggest the “friends” class that the social worker had at the school for children whose parents hadn’t taught them to behave. Only when their child begins to suffer the consequences do the parents MAYBE realize they messed up. 3 1/2 is young but throwing things at a face isn’t a mistake at that age. He is old enough to know better and that it could hurt someone. Less than 2 is another story. Laughing at poor behavior reinforces that behavior. It’s not cute. A military preschool? Yikes!!

Yes, we know what you think about everyone else's parenting.

[lurkyloo]

I had no idea we had so many Wildcats here!

Its crazy how much more competitive colleges have gotten. I remember when UM was my safety school 

Sam, J may or may not have SPD, but sensory issues are secondary /comorbid to autism.  Does he interact appropriately with his peers?  Does he have trouble communicating (different from just talking)?  Does he have very narrow/repetitive interests?  If not, then I wouldn’t worry-he would need all three problems to be autistic.

In general, parental or school tension can cause some weird and subtle side effects that can easily manifest as anxiety or misbehavior.  Also, it typically takes 6 weeks to settle into a new daycre setting especially if it’s going from home care to a center.

DS is formally homeschooled, because he attends an accredited school but for less than the 6.5 hours required by law.  It really did take 6 months for him to recover from a bad teacher, and I’m going to be kicking myself for a while about that.  He’s really blossoming though, and partial homeschooling has been kinda fun.  It’s awesome to watch his reading skills take off, and he’s loving the science lessons-this month is geology, we‘ve done the mining gemstones kit, built a playdoh model of the earth‘s layers, erupted the baking soda volcano, and just started cracking open geodes.  Next month is microbiology!  

Ahem.  Anyway, I’m enjoying the discussions about grade placement.  We’ve had a couple of people that didn’t know him well suggest holding him back, since he’s on the younger side for his grade and has behavior issues, but academically he‘s mildly to way ahead for his age and I’m pretty sure we‘re gonna be talking about add medication when he turns 6.  He’s not even the worst behaved kid in his class right now...he comes home talking in a hushed voice about what one of his classmates did today.  In a weird way I think it’s actually good for him to be on the other side, watching the bad behavior rather than perpetrating it.

[Lizard Queen]

Oct 27, 2018 9:11:46 GMT -5 Pants said:

Oct 27, 2018 0:01:11 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

They are going to do what they are going to do.  It wouldn't matter what I say.  I just hope it turns out ok for him and them.  I just know son has expressed his concerns to me.  I haven't said anything to him except I hope the daycare works out for him and agree he needs it.  Which I think he does. I am worrying about his English skills or lack of.  When we go up we will see if he talks more.  When I was there even a week he picked up more words.  I've got to not worry about him as there is nothing I can do. And I'm glad son is there and able to go to the conferences.  Because she has trouble understanding she just gets mad about everything.  I pretty much am down to high fives or likes as she misinterprets things I say.  I wish it were otherwise and I hope the English classes help her too.  I think she will still misinterpret but hopefully a lot less. Its a difficult situation for everyone.  

Pat, what if you just tried to enjoy your grandson instead of judging him? My parents don't always agree with my parenting but they make a strong effort to engage with my kids and have forged incredible bonds with them. My kids beg to go to my parents house where the rules are relaxed and my parents just have fun with them.

Stop worrying about his English. He lives in the US with a foreign parent - he'll be bilingual and it will be an asset to him later in life. It's very normal!

3 year olds are hard - for my kids harder than the "terrible 2s". They are little sociopaths, the lot of them. He'll get through it. Be a positive role model for him and teach him how to treat *you*.

  My brother didn't speak any English until he started kindergarten, since both his parents were immigrants.  Our older sister's friends learned how to tell him to go home in Polish, so he would quit tagging along.  It has not hurt him a bit.  Little kids pick up languages very quickly. Also, our older cousins emigrated to the US as young children, didn't learn English until going to school here, and you couldn't tell at all by talking to them.  Spoke better English than Polish.

[swasat]

Oct 27, 2018 10:44:27 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Oct 27, 2018 9:11:46 GMT -5 Pants said:

Pat, what if you just tried to enjoy your grandson instead of judging him? My parents don't always agree with my parenting but they make a strong effort to engage with my kids and have forged incredible bonds with them. My kids beg to go to my parents house where the rules are relaxed and my parents just have fun with them.

Stop worrying about his English. He lives in the US with a foreign parent - he'll be bilingual and it will be an asset to him later in life. It's very normal!

3 year olds are hard - for my kids harder than the "terrible 2s". They are little sociopaths, the lot of them. He'll get through it. Be a positive role model for him and teach him how to treat *you*.

  My brother didn't speak any English until he started kindergarten, since both his parents were immigrants.  Our older sister's friends learned how to tell him to go home in Polish, so he would quit tagging along.  It has not hurt him a bit.  Little kids pick up languages very quickly. Also, our older cousins emigrated to the US as young children, didn't learn English until going to school here, and you couldn't tell at all by talking to them.  Spoke better English than Polish.

Completely agree.

My son’s best friend is an Indian American kid. The kid spoke 99% Hindi till he went to Kindergarten. By first grade you would not have imagined this kid did not speak fluent English till a year before. Today he is a happy bilingual kid who is perfectly at ease with both languages.

Being bilingual makes people better IMO, not worse. Our brains are amazing instruments.

And worrying about a 3 year old....MEH!!

All I am going to say is if I felt as judged for parenting skills and constantly looked down and disrespected for my heritage, no way in hell would my parents or in-laws would ever be seeing me or my kids. Age not withstanding. Russians have their own heritage, different than ours, but a rich history and heritage nonetheless.

[NastyWoman]

I will throw in my own bi-lingual language story as it is one of my favorites about DS1. We moved from the Netherlands when DS1 was 2.5 yo. He attended 2 mornings a week preschool but since I was not around I had no clue about his English skills. However, he got around well enough and we were going to move back home in a couple of years so I did not worry about it. Well. The time to move came but instead of moving home we moved to Bangkok and DS1 started kindergarten in an international school. We spoke Limburgs at home (not even Dutch ) though we did have many Dutch friends, but no English. Now I was worried that he would need ESL classes. I
I volunteered in his classroom and after a few months his teacher told me that she wanted to talk to me about his language skills after class. So there I was: worst mother ever, hadn't helped my kid like I should have, and on and on (in my mind).

Kids go off for lunch and teacher asks me "do you know that T. speaks Dutch?" In total confusion I went yes of course. Turns out that the day before they had added a new ( Dutch) girl to the class. Her rules for recess were that she would give them some instructions before they went out. And no one was allowed to leave the room until they all understood those instructions. Well DS1 inherited his patience from his mom, so after two tries of teacher trying to explain herself to the girl, he just translated, told teacher she understands, can we go out now? And that is how teacher (and I) found out that my is was  (fully) bi-lingual. 

Son is multi-lingual now and I didn't totally fail at parenting. 


More recently, I am seeing this same language absorption with DGS1 and German, so I am not worrying about him now or Little Guy in a year or so when he will go to Kinderkrippe (or whatever they call preschool).

[andi9899]

Oct 26, 2018 21:38:34 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Oct 26, 2018 14:36:59 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Ex 2.0 just emailed me.  Apparently he went to parent teacher conferences last night too and is pretty pissed off about the writing issue.  He wants us to threaten Carrot with a different school if he doesn't shape up and said he could do it and be the bad guy if I wanted.     Um.  Except for the little problem there that I don't plan on moving him to a different school.  LOL  He's wanted Carrot to go to the Catholic school since the beginning so he jumps on any opportunity to bring up the changing schools discussion.  

I don't know.  Maybe he would do better in a traditional class?  I often wondered that about older son too, but he seems really happy there and that seems just as important to me than anything at that age.  He's testing well above grade level and loves his teacher, but she's really young and new at this.  This is her 4th year teaching and this is Carrot's 3rd year with her. 

Switching schools because of a fine motor problem? Or because of a lack of communication on the fine motor problem? Seems like a bit of an over reaction. 

I think he's just looking for any excuse to switch him to Catholic school.

[Deleted]

Oct 26, 2018 22:04:47 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Oct 26, 2018 21:56:39 GMT -5 CCL said:

Do you mean the kids were hair-pulling or the in-laws were? Either way should not be allowed, but definitely not from the in-laws.

I never really had to spank my boys and I sure would never hit them, nor allow anyone else to.

They were a handful, for sure, but I found the best way to manage them was to keep them busy and get them out doing things.

FIL pulled dh's and his sisters hair as a punishment. They were spanked regularly too, but the hair pulling was the worst for dh and he/we wouldn't let them babysit without promises they wouldn't repeat "their tried and true parenting techniques" on our kids.

My daughter had a substitute teacher that pulled her by the hair because she was talking in class. This was in 2nd or 3rd grade, I think. I'm one of those parents that was ok with spanking my children under certain circumstances, but I had a HUGE problem with my daughter being pulled by her hair. She'd also called the class Ba Ba's (sp?) kids several time and pretty much insulted them all day. 

The hair pulling prompted me to introduce myself to her the next day (she was their teacher for a week or so). I advised her that it would not be in her best interest to pull my daughter's hair again. My daughter didn't get a pass from me for getting in trouble for talking during class, but an adult pulling her hair was unacceptable.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I've never heard of hair pulling as a punishment. Ear-tweaking, but not hair pulling. 

[Deleted]

Oct 27, 2018 14:23:43 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I've never heard of hair pulling as a punishment. Ear-tweaking, but not hair pulling. 

Neither had I. My daughter wore ponytails, so I guess it was just easy to grab one and pull it, idk. I also don't know if she meant it as punishment or to get and hold my daughter's attention. Either way, it's a NO from me.

[oped]

There are a whole lot of steps to settle on between reinforcing bad behavior with laughter and hitting a kid. 

That story made me think of a friend's new foster toddler who had in her words 'been taught that putting the dog in a headlock is funny'...  does she reinforce/allow that behavior in her house? No. But she is using redirection, teaching positive behavior and using removal from the area. It seems to be working just fine. No need to smack the kid to teach him not to mistreat the dog. My guess that would only teach him to hit the dog anyway... or fear the adult. Not the positive behavior she wants to reinforce. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My kids just now started washing their hair willingly. Gwen is 8 I thought she was never going to do it.

They both went thru phases where they refused to take off their shoes because they didn't like their bare feet touching stuff. Then it went the opposite.

To this day I cannot stand tags in my clothes. I also hate socks. If you check out my shoe collection you'll notice the majority do not require socks. I'm insanely picky when I do need to wear them.

Not saying their couldn't be an issue but if he isn't manifesting other symptoms it might also just be a phase.

[countrygirl2]

I never heard of pulling hair as a punishment either, just wow. I had a teacher tape my mouth shut in 4th grade for talking in class. The tape hurt and it hurt my feelings so  bad, I will never forget it. I don't think I told my parents, we had good kids in my class so none of them ever said anything about it.

I don't see where I'm disrespecting DIL's heritage, I think its a good thing to know more languages  The problem is he isn't or wasn't really trying to speak either language.  She would yell at him in Russian when she got mad at him and he just looked at her.  I asked her if he understood what she was saying, she said yes, but he didn't appear to.  I have no idea.  And I don't know how much Russian he understood. 

 Something isn't right or he wouldn't be hitting and throwing himself at you. Son and hubs would play rough with him but I asked him not o hit me, that it wasn't nice or throw himself at me.  He has temper tantrums throwing himself on the floor till the doctor just walked out  and came back later.  Seen him do it getting in the tub, getting out of the tub.  Not doing what he wants.  She put him in his room, we couldn't get his clothes on him and he was throwing things. I thought it would improve by now, just figured it was the terrible twos.  But I don't know what goes on there, I have been up there what 2 times this year for short times. When I was there she was mainly on the phone to Russian friends or sleeping so I would clean and take care of little guy.  Apparently that was wrong, so I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I just figured she was worn out dealing with him so I would help while there.  That's what I did for her in Korea while I was there.  She wants to go out with friends get her hair done or things, didn't bother me. When I was in Korea I did about all the cooking and cleaning the kitchen, even son finally told her she needed to do some of it instead of me. They had a lot of carryin there, it was cheap and convenient.

I really don't want to go up, hubs isn't happy about her demanding I cook while there but not allowed to clean up the kitchen. So now I'm going to be caught in the middle. She ticked him off several times and I had to keep him quiet. The 6 months they were here about worked me to death.  He was not happy about that at all. I would have to ask for her to help. He and I gave little guy a bath most of the time, dressed, but she didn't like what we fed him so cooked a whole different diet for him. Wanted hubs to babysit constantly so she could go shop, he didn't care we loved the little guy.  So please don't be so quick to judge us as bad inlaws. 

She has temper tantrums kicked the side of sons truck so hard she dented it.  So I really wonder.  The only times we will see it is the few times we visit or they come here.  We are only staying 2 days so not going to be around much, if I'm causing problems I won't be there long enough hopefully to cause anymore.  I miss little grandson and I think hubs and I could help but doubt we will be given the chance while we aren't to old to do it. It sure didn't turn out the way I intended. Son thinks there is nothing to it all and I'm just overreacting.  I hope so.

 He told me after her outburst I'm to not do anything, do not help.  I said I'm not going up there to argue especially with her mom there, that is not nice.

at the door.  I doubt I could care for him, no he is not like that all the time.

Many times children are a product of what they see.  I know she has told me she gets her way with son by throwing tantrums, I never saw one till she did it to me.  I don't know if that is common or not.  But he is a smart little kid and he is getting that somewhere.  Son says he is a smart kid he will figure it out, oh really?  Then manipulation, son calls and tells me he knows I was really worried about grandsons eyes so they got them checked.  I had said something 7 months ago and never mentioned it again.  So someone must have said your mom wants this done, she told me she has used that to get him to do stuff she wants him to do.  I don't feel very good about that.  But again I'm trying to say nothing.  I don't dislike or hate anyone, I am concerned as I'm not sure this tuff is good, but I can't make a judgment as I really don't know what goes on in their home.

Let me ask all of you, remember I'm 72 so what I think is normal is a norm of many years ago.  This may be nothing.  But it made me uncomfortable.  When she changed little guys diaper she would tease him and flip his little thing with her finger, I thought nothing of it because he was a baby.  When I was up there she still did it at times and let him run around with no pants on. She was trying to potty train him but then would complain he was peeing all over. I kept underpants on him and he was learning to take them down and use the potty.  But still sometimes she would do the little flip thing.  I am not a prude but that is just not something I would have ever done.  I guess times are really different now. But I wonder if she still does that. Is that ok?

[countrygirl2]

Ok, I've beared my soul again and will get beat up I'm sure. I guess I just worry to much.

Ok, back to fixing dinner, spaghetti

[Works4me]

I appreciate you taking the time to and making the effort to explain where you are coming from. It helps to better understand you and your life experience. I am from the generation right behind you and things have changed greatly. I wish you well in dealing with a difficult situation.

As far as your DIL, I find what she is doing during diaper changes and potty training completely unacceptable. It also raises any questions in my head about her life experiences and what has been done to her.

Pat, I like you and care about you. I also enjoy reading what you wrire here. Sending love and hugs and prayers for you and your family. Good luck!

[Deleted]

countrygirl2, how do your son and DIL communicate well if she doesn't speak or understand English that well? Does he speak Russian? I'm just curious. 

Also, I wouldn't really worry about your grandson learning to speak English. He's going to hear it all the time outside of their house and even at home, from his Dad. He'll pick it up, if he hasn't already started to. Children seem to learn different languages much more easily than adults.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

There is now legal precedent prohibiting school employees putting tape on or allowing another student to put tape on any student for any reason. 

[taz157]

countrygirl2 - I think what your DIL does during diaper changes completely unacceptable too.