The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Oct 26, 2018 11:49:34 GMT -5 Pants said:

Oct 26, 2018 11:27:55 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I do feel like my handwriting holds me back a little though.  At least prevents me from presenting a polished image.  I don't need it very often, but when I have to show hand written notes it's pretty embarrassing.  

I feel like this expectation on handwriting is very gendered. I've accepted my atrocious handwriting. I have to translate the writing of high level execs on a regular basis and all of them write like fucking doctors. 

Sometimes I swear doctors are using cuienform.

[steph08]

Today I was a parent helper at Harper's K4 class. We had a good time! 

We set up snacks, then the whole school did a parade in the parking lot in their costumes. There were some good ones! 

Then we did games, snack, craft, and then they were off to lunch.

I'm tired! 19 4-year-olds are exhausting! And there were 5 moms there! 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Oct 26, 2018 12:43:33 GMT -5 steph08 said:

Today I was a parent helper at Harper's K4 class. We had a good time! 

We set up snacks, then the whole school did a parade in the parking lot in their costumes. There were some good ones! 

Then we did games, snack, craft, and then they were off to lunch.

I'm tired! 19 4-year-olds are exhausting! And there were 5 moms there! 

Every time I do stuff with my kids at school, I swear the teachers and aides need a $50K raise. I go home and deal with a headache.

[azucena]

Oct 26, 2018 12:43:33 GMT -5 steph08 said:

Today I was a parent helper at Harper's K4 class. We had a good time! 

We set up snacks, then the whole school did a parade in the parking lot in their costumes. There were some good ones! 

Then we did games, snack, craft, and then they were off to lunch.

I'm tired! 19 4-year-olds are exhausting! And there were 5 moms there! 

This is my husband's preschool classroom everyday and 15 of them are boys!  He only has 1 co-teacher.  Yet, he manages to get through themed lessons including elaborate classroom builds like an igloo out of gallon milk jugs that fit 4 kiddos and a worm farm.  I don't give him enough credit for this skill set!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Oct 26, 2018 13:09:15 GMT -5 azucena said:

Oct 26, 2018 12:43:33 GMT -5 steph08 said:

Today I was a parent helper at Harper's K4 class. We had a good time! 

We set up snacks, then the whole school did a parade in the parking lot in their costumes. There were some good ones! 

Then we did games, snack, craft, and then they were off to lunch.

I'm tired! 19 4-year-olds are exhausting! And there were 5 moms there! 

This is my husband's preschool classroom everyday and 15 of them are boys!  He only has 1 co-teacher.  Yet, he manages to get through themed lessons including elaborate classroom builds like an igloo out of gallon milk jugs that fit 4 kiddos and a worm farm.  I don't give him enough credit for this skill set!

I include preschool teachers in the "deserve $50K raise"

[steph08]

I told one of the other moms "This is why I sit in front of a computer all day as my job."  

[raeoflyte]

Dh goes on all of C's field trips (never has to run his own group, gets paired up with another parent or the teachers group even) and he still gets super stressed out.  I haven't done field trip duty yet, but I know it will be rough. 

[Deleted]

Ex 2.0 just emailed me.  Apparently he went to parent teacher conferences last night too and is pretty pissed off about the writing issue.  He wants us to threaten Carrot with a different school if he doesn't shape up and said he could do it and be the bad guy if I wanted.     Um.  Except for the little problem there that I don't plan on moving him to a different school.  LOL  He's wanted Carrot to go to the Catholic school since the beginning so he jumps on any opportunity to bring up the changing schools discussion.  

I don't know.  Maybe he would do better in a traditional class?  I often wondered that about older son too, but he seems really happy there and that seems just as important to me than anything at that age.  He's testing well above grade level and loves his teacher, but she's really young and new at this.  This is her 4th year teaching and this is Carrot's 3rd year with her. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'd ask him "How do you plan on helping Carrot 'shape up' when he is with you?"

[Jaguar]

Ex 2.0 is an idiot, IMO

[Deleted]

Oct 26, 2018 15:12:39 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

I'd ask him "How do you plan on helping Carrot 'shape up' when he is with you?"

I told him I'm pretty sure Carrot would prefer to be able to write and wasn't intentionally being difficult.  He looked so dejected and ashamed in the conference when this was all brought up.    I know he thinks the world of his teacher and he gets hurt when she is critical.  He gets hurt easily when ANYONE is critical, so you have to tread super lightly there, but he Looooves his teacher.  The ignoring work thing is probably partially due to just lazy, but I'm sure the frustrating physical part of it doesn't help any. 

[cyanne]

Oct 26, 2018 9:50:57 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Oct 26, 2018 9:45:54 GMT -5 Pants said:

Yes! 

So, what do I do?  Does the doctor or OT have to be involved or is this something I can initiate on my own? 

eta:  Not that I don't want to involve the doc.  I'm just figuring a month before the doctor appointment, then maybe another month to get into a specialist...

I haven't read the rest of this thread but here is some information to help you:
www.understood.org/en/school-learning/your-childs-rights/basics-about-childs-rights/child-find-what-it-is-and-how-it-works

Ask your school to refer your son to the child study or student support team for assistance. Even if he is in a private school without special education teachers they should do an evaluation-they have the public school's special education team do the testing.

[zibazinski]

Maybe have him color and stay in the lines? I never realized when I was young and even before starting school how much that would help my writing.

[Sam_2.0]

Oct 26, 2018 16:43:15 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Maybe have him color and stay in the lines? I never realized when I was young and even before starting school how much that would help my writing.

Aly has colored pencils and pens, and she will sit for hours with one of those adult coloring books. The pictures are gorgeous when she's finished and she's very meticulous about staying in the lines. But when it comes to writing things for school she just tries to get the words out as fast as they come out of her mouth. So her handwriting is generally atrocious. It makes me laugh because I know she has the coordination, she just does not want to take the time

[alabamagal]

ODS had problems with putting his name on his paper. His 3rd grade teacher would take 5 points off on a test if you didn’t put your name on it. I tried to talk to him about it and he said “when I get a test I just so excited that I want to start right away.” So my thought was just to be excited and make a 95!

[cktc]

Oct 26, 2018 17:04:31 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Oct 26, 2018 16:43:15 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Maybe have him color and stay in the lines? I never realized when I was young and even before starting school how much that would help my writing.

Aly has colored pencils and pens, and she will sit for hours with one of those adult coloring books. The pictures are gorgeous when she's finished and she's very meticulous about staying in the lines. But when it comes to writing things for school she just tries to get the words out as fast as they come out of her mouth. So her handwriting is generally atrocious. It makes me laugh because I know she has the coordination, she just does not want to take the time

Art and language are two different sides of the brain. I always love looking at paintings with writing and seeing how wonky the letters can be compared to the rest. 

[NastyWoman]

Oct 26, 2018 12:37:33 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

My handwriting was beautiful through school, then it all went to shit.  I don't know how but I've looked back through papers I wrote 30+ years ago and I don't even recognize it as my own writing.  Now I'm very lazy and tend to slur all my letters together. 

That is ok. However, when I moved into my current home I found papers from when I went to college the first time (chemistry degree) and while I could read just fine what I had written, I had no friggin' clue what any of it meant. I was really smart at one time

Now getting back to Carrot: stop for a moment to reflect on how "bad" everything has gotten. He scores in the 94-99 percentile range for math and reading. That is NOT bad. I would hightail over to school and talk to his teacher and maybe his pricipal (I don't know how exactly this works) and bring up his test scores v. his writing ability. And put the problem on them: how are we/YOU going to help Carrot to overcome this problem. They need to come up with a plan. See what they need from you that is not just "practice at home".

Then I would move his doctor's appointment forward and ask for a referral for OT if that is something that could help him as well. 

[Deleted]

Oct 26, 2018 17:56:12 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

ODS had problems with putting his name on his paper. His 3rd grade teacher would take 5 points off on a test if you didn’t put your name on it. I tried to talk to him about it and he said “when I get a test I just so excited that I want to start right away.” So my thought was just to be excited and make a 95!

Well, last night ADULTS were handing me popcorn order forms and envelopes with hundreds to thousands of dollars in them without their names on them.  I felt like a grade school teacher chastising them.  "How do you expect to get credit for this if you don't have your name on it Mr. Jones?" 

[countrygirl2]

I can't imagine grandson being in school. He has went to this 5 hour a day daycare for 2 weeks and son and wife got called in for a conference.  I knew that was coming.  I told DIL not to let him get ahead of her or she would have problems.  They are having problems, yelling at him isn't going to get it. He will mind him but not her.  She starts yelling in Russian, I don't know if he understands or not.  Son said they had a stack of papers already.  I said you can't sit and laugh at him misbehaving then think he won't.

All I can say is good luck. I don't care if he is 3 1/2, he would have his butt paddled.  Son says he is hard headed, I said now you know why I was always having to spank you, he didn't say anything. Karma is a bitch.


Good luck with your son MPL.

[Pants]

Oct 26, 2018 18:57:29 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

I can't imagine grandson being in school. He has went to this 5 hour a day daycare for 2 weeks and son and wife got called in for a conference.  I knew that was coming.  I told DIL not to let him get ahead of her or she would have problems.  They are having problems, yelling at him isn't going to get it. He will mind him but not her.  She starts yelling in Russian, I don't know if he understands or not.  Son said they had a stack of papers already.  I said you can't sit and laugh at him misbehaving then think he won't.

All I can say is good luck. I don't care if he is 3 1/2, he would have his butt paddled.  Son says he is hard headed, I said now you know why I was always having to spank you, he didn't say anything. Karma is a bitch.


Good luck with your son MPL.

You don't have to hit kids to make them listen. But you do have to be consistent.

[countrygirl2]

I'm not getting into it.  But not long ago they sent me a video, they thought it was funny that he threw a toy hammer and hit son in the face.  He said I didn't know all of it, I said no kid is hitting me in the face period.  So she gets mad at me again and says I'm just being negative.  I told son, he hits another child like that and you will think negative.  Son said well I think it will improve with him there.  I said I hope so as he is only 3 1/2, what is he going to do when he goes to school, wow.  And nope I'm not getting involved she wouldn't listen to me anyway.  So sorry to say their problem.  Son takes care of it when home, but he works soooo. I'm afraid he is not only smart but I fear a smartaleck.  I saw little things that were not good when I was there.  I had to get up and get away as he was kicking me and stuff.  Now he is getting that behavior somewhere.  They said at the drop in daycare he was shoving kids.  


I can't help from here and my advice would not be wanted anyway.  I wish them the best, hate to see him not be a good kid.  

[geenamercile]

Oct 25, 2018 12:44:51 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Oct 25, 2018 10:54:02 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

on the school front we are going to home school ODD.  Between and online classes and me supplementing we should be fine.    We talked to her last night about it.  I honestly don't know how much help DH is going to be with it, but we can't keep going how we are.  I also have feelers out for to find another consular for her.  We will find some other group activities too. But over all she had no one that she wanted to go back and say good by too.  YDD seems fine with it, and still wants to go to school.  I hope I am not screwing this up.

I want to preface this by saying I am not judging you or your choices.  I have no doubt you are trying to do the best you can for your daughter.

Is it possible to try another school environment rather than homeschooling?  I'd be concerned that your daughter would become even more socially isolated and that will compound her problems.

I do hope you can find a way to help her manage her anxiety.  This has to be so hard for you to watch and I can practically feel your helplessness in your posts.  But with you on her side there will be a good outcome for your daughter.

We visited some private schools last year but not so much.  From what the teachers said, she pretty much sits by herself and just works by herself.  She sits with herself at lunch too.  When we talked to her about it and asked if she wanted to go for a day or two this week before pulling the plug to say bye to people, she said she didn't have anyone to say bye too.  She does have some people she socialize with, and we talked about doing a 4-H group and other group things.  I would like to get her into a therapy group more so then one on one, and this place has this plus horses.  

She is just so mentally exhausted when she comes home, and so stressed about going.  I just don't believe the constant stress and break downs is good for her.  Maybe if we had more things in place when she started 6th grade it would have gone better, or if she didn't have that one teacher.  And yes I do put some blame on the one teacher she had last year, I wish we had pushed harder to get her out of that class.  

I do plan on upping her math level to the Algebra level.  We won't be able to do the foreign language, but the rest I can handle.  Being a licensed teacher helps the process too.  

[Pants]

Oct 26, 2018 19:27:41 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

I'm not getting into it.  But not long ago they sent me a video, they thought it was funny that he threw a toy hammer and hit son in the face.  He said I didn't know all of it, I said no kid is hitting me in the face period.  So she gets mad at me again and says I'm just being negative.  I told son, he hits another child like that and you will think negative.  Son said well I think it will improve with him there.  I said I hope so as he is only 3 1/2, what is he going to do when he goes to school, wow.  And nope I'm not getting involved she wouldn't listen to me anyway.  So sorry to say their problem.  Son takes care of it when home, but he works soooo. I'm afraid he is not only smart but I fear a smartaleck.  I saw little things that were not good when I was there.  I had to get up and get away as he was kicking me and stuff.  Now he is getting that behavior somewhere.  They said at the drop in daycare he was shoving kids.  


I can't help from here and my advice would not be wanted anyway.  I wish them the best, hate to see him not be a good kid.  

I mean it's clear that you don't have a very good opinion of them as parents.

[Deleted]

I had horrible penmanship.  We moved 8 times when I was in third grade.  When I was in sixth grade, I had a teacher who really pushed this.  She insisted all her students become members of something called the Good Writers Club.  I learned how so it is never too late.  I still get compliments.

That said, my 40-something son basically prints everything.  Both the ACT and SAT quit caring about penmanship.  

So, minnesotapaintlady,help him come up with a legible style and don't allow the teacher to blame him.  As much time as she has been his teacher, this shouldn't be the first you heard.

[zibazinski]

Oct 26, 2018 19:27:41 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

I'm not getting into it.  But not long ago they sent me a video, they thought it was funny that he threw a toy hammer and hit son in the face.  He said I didn't know all of it, I said no kid is hitting me in the face period.  So she gets mad at me again and says I'm just being negative.  I told son, he hits another child like that and you will think negative.  Son said well I think it will improve with him there.  I said I hope so as he is only 3 1/2, what is he going to do when he goes to school, wow.  And nope I'm not getting involved she wouldn't listen to me anyway.  So sorry to say their problem.  Son takes care of it when home, but he works soooo. I'm afraid he is not only smart but I fear a smartaleck.  I saw little things that were not good when I was there.  I had to get up and get away as he was kicking me and stuff.  Now he is getting that behavior somewhere.  They said at the drop in daycare he was shoving kids.  


I can't help from here and my advice would not be wanted anyway.  I wish them the best, hate to see him not be a good kid.  

Well the school won’t put up with it and I’m amazed the preschool is. There were kids removed from DD’s preschool for biting and other aggressive behavior. I figured things got even stricter by now. Good preschools like good private schools have waiting lists a mile long and don’t put up with much crap from uncivilized children. They don’t have to.

[raeoflyte]

He's 3.5, it's far too soon to deem him a bad egg.

If you hit my kids, Ill hit you right back, and if you think that isn't fair better rethink your values. I won't hit you in anger either, and only to teach you a lesson, but I assure you it will hurt.

Dh had multiple talks with in laws that hair pulling and any kind of physical punishment was absolutely forbidden and there wouldn't be second chances.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Oct 26, 2018 14:36:59 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Ex 2.0 just emailed me.  Apparently he went to parent teacher conferences last night too and is pretty pissed off about the writing issue.  He wants us to threaten Carrot with a different school if he doesn't shape up and said he could do it and be the bad guy if I wanted.     Um.  Except for the little problem there that I don't plan on moving him to a different school.  LOL  He's wanted Carrot to go to the Catholic school since the beginning so he jumps on any opportunity to bring up the changing schools discussion.  

I don't know.  Maybe he would do better in a traditional class?  I often wondered that about older son too, but he seems really happy there and that seems just as important to me than anything at that age.  He's testing well above grade level and loves his teacher, but she's really young and new at this.  This is her 4th year teaching and this is Carrot's 3rd year with her. 

Switching schools because of a fine motor problem? Or because of a lack of communication on the fine motor problem? Seems like a bit of an over reaction. 

[CCL]

Oct 26, 2018 14:36:59 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Ex 2.0 just emailed me.  Apparently he went to parent teacher conferences last night too and is pretty pissed off about the writing issue.  He wants us to threaten Carrot with a different school if he doesn't shape up and said he could do it and be the bad guy if I wanted.     Um.  Except for the little problem there that I don't plan on moving him to a different school.  LOL  He's wanted Carrot to go to the Catholic school since the beginning so he jumps on any opportunity to bring up the changing schools discussion.  

I don't know.  Maybe he would do better in a traditional class?  I often wondered that about older son too, but he seems really happy there and that seems just as important to me than anything at that age.  He's testing well above grade level and loves his teacher, but she's really young and new at this.  This is her 4th year teaching and this is Carrot's 3rd year with her. 

If the only issue is penmanship I wouldn't move him for that. He can improve that and it's not like he'll suddenly have great penmanship if he changes schools. He'll need to work on it either way.

[CCL]

Oct 26, 2018 21:37:46 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

He's 3.5, it's far too soon to deem him a bad egg.

If you hit my kids, Ill hit you right back, and if you think that isn't fair better rethink your values. I won't hit you in anger either, and only to teach you a lesson, but I assure you it will hurt.

Dh had multiple talks with in laws that hair pulling and any kind of physical punishment was absolutely forbidden and there wouldn't be second chances.

Do you mean the kids were hair-pulling or the in-laws were? Either way should not be allowed, but definitely not from the in-laws.

I never really had to spank my boys and I sure would never hit them, nor allow anyone else to.

They were a handful, for sure, but I found the best way to manage them was to keep them busy and get them out doing things.

[raeoflyte]

Oct 26, 2018 21:56:39 GMT -5 CCL said:

Oct 26, 2018 21:37:46 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

He's 3.5, it's far too soon to deem him a bad egg.

If you hit my kids, Ill hit you right back, and if you think that isn't fair better rethink your values. I won't hit you in anger either, and only to teach you a lesson, but I assure you it will hurt.

Dh had multiple talks with in laws that hair pulling and any kind of physical punishment was absolutely forbidden and there wouldn't be second chances.

Do you mean the kids were hair-pulling or the in-laws were? Either way should not be allowed, but definitely not from the in-laws.

I never really had to spank my boys and I sure would never hit them, nor allow anyone else to.

They were a handful, for sure, but I found the best way to manage them was to keep them busy and get them out doing things.

FIL pulled dh's and his sisters hair as a punishment. They were spanked regularly too, but the hair pulling was the worst for dh and he/we wouldn't let them babysit without promises they wouldn't repeat "their tried and true parenting techniques" on our kids.