gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Oct 22, 2018 13:28:55 GMT -5
Somebody put me in timeout, please. I've already called our former pastor a racist liar and then called out some arrogant white asshole for saying white privilege does not exist in our suburb. I like my dad and FIL as people, but for the most part can we just take the whole lot of white men and ship them to another planet? The bolded part you do not need to apologize for or be put in timeout The un-bolded part is a little harsh . I know lots of very decent white men who recognize their privilege.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 22, 2018 13:33:39 GMT -5
Somebody put me in timeout, please. I've already called our former pastor a racist liar and then called out some arrogant white asshole for saying white privilege does not exist in our suburb. I like my dad and FIL as people, but for the most part can we just take the whole lot of white men and ship them to another planet? That doesn't deserve a time out. It deserves a beer and a thank you. I have a few white men I'd like to add to your shipment. Do I get a weight discount? More than a ton results in better shipping costs?
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Poptart
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Post by Poptart on Oct 22, 2018 13:50:25 GMT -5
Make your brother by it back. He should know better too. I don't think that's fair, it's not like her brother forced Drama's DH to buy weed. Drama, I would ask DH to work over time or an extra job to make up the $120.00, time seems to be flying and Christmas is quickly coming up on us, I think he should be responsible for replacing the money he wasted.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Oct 22, 2018 13:54:20 GMT -5
Make your brother by it back. He should know better too. I don't think that's fair, it's not like her brother forced Drama's DH to buy weed. Drama, I would ask DH to work over time or an extra job to make up the $120.00, time seems to be flying and Christmas is quickly coming up on us, I think he should be responsible for replacing the money he wasted. I bet DQ's brother knew at least somewhat that Mr DQ had some issues with drugs, so it was an assholish move to offer it to him.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 22, 2018 14:14:14 GMT -5
Make your brother by it back. He should know better too. I don't think that's fair, it's not like her brother forced Drama's DH to buy weed. Drama, I would ask DH to work over time or an extra job to make up the $120.00, time seems to be flying and Christmas is quickly coming up on us, I think he should be responsible for replacing the money he wasted. We discussed that and he will be. Not hard the President fired the other sales gut so now DH is the entire department. Sitting in the gyno waiting room trying to keep my blood pressure under control. Awesome Monday I'm having here.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Oct 22, 2018 14:14:33 GMT -5
how do you listen to podcasts? Do you have to have an iphone? I am so technologically illiterate when it comes to my phone it isn't even funny I use the Stitcher Ap. I have an android phone, so get the Stitcher Ap from the play store and start searching for podcasts. Start with Tilted, How it Is, Safe for work, Happier with Gretchen Ruben. Religious - Andy Stanley and Bible Binge Favorite Sports teams There are thousands of options. Find your zen.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Oct 22, 2018 14:23:01 GMT -5
how do you listen to podcasts? Do you have to have an iphone? I am so technologically illiterate when it comes to my phone it isn't even funny I use the Stitcher Ap. I have an android phone, so get the Stitcher Ap from the play store and start searching for podcasts. Start with Tilted, How it Is, Safe for work, Happier with Gretchen Ruben. Religious - Andy Stanley and Bible Binge Favorite Sports teams There are thousands of options. Find your zen. I like podcasts as well. I'm on part 4 of Hardcore History's "Blueprint for Armageddon", which is all about World War I. It's about 20 hours long so definitely a commitment. I have always really enjoyed history so I'm fascinated. I also like "Last Podcast from the Left". It's about serial killers, conspiracies, cults, etc. all with a good dose of humour. Really good but definitely not suitable around children!
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 22, 2018 14:33:28 GMT -5
Somebody put me in timeout, please. I've already called our former pastor a racist liar and then called out some arrogant white asshole for saying white privilege does not exist in our suburb. I like my dad and FIL as people, but for the most part can we just take the whole lot of white men and ship them to another planet? The bolded part you do not need to apologize for or be put in timeout The un-bolded part is a little harsh . I know lots of very decent white men who recognize their privilege. The non-asses can stay. But they have to help pack up the others
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Oct 22, 2018 14:45:01 GMT -5
If your dad is defending him, I see what you are saying. I still think your husband is being a dick. We agreed on that. But my handling of this was not ideal. Oooohhhh, your handling was not ideal <sarcasm>. Let's look at this from the outside in which is the only way I can look at this any way: (i) your H used Xmas money for the kids to buy drugs → while he has a known addiction issue, (ii) H (note that the lack of "D" is not accidental) knows that you are having a very hard time at work currently, (iii) H knows that it is all you can do is not to fall apart and curl up in a corner, and (iv) last but not least you have always stood by him when he got himself into troubles employment wise.
Woman, unless you took a 2X4 to him or cut him up into ribbons HE SHOULD COUNT HIMSELF LUCKY!!! It is his turn to step up to the plate and make life as easy as possible for you until you find yourself a new job. Not adding to the pile of problems you are already facing and you are fully within your rights to reiterate that when next the two of you discuss this issue. You do not have to apologize for anything (well you don't unless you did go the 2X4 or the ribbon cutting route that is)
You are strong and you are very smart, but you are only human!
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Oct 22, 2018 15:19:41 GMT -5
I use the Stitcher Ap. I have an android phone, so get the Stitcher Ap from the play store and start searching for podcasts. Start with Tilted, How it Is, Safe for work, Happier with Gretchen Ruben. Religious - Andy Stanley and Bible Binge Favorite Sports teams There are thousands of options. Find your zen. I like podcasts as well. I'm on part 4 of Hardcore History's "Blueprint for Armageddon", which is all about World War I. It's about 20 hours long so definitely a commitment. I have always really enjoyed history so I'm fascinated. I also like "Last Podcast from the Left". It's about serial killers, conspiracies, cults, etc. all with a good dose of humour. Really good but definitely not suitable around children! I love hardcore history! Everything is Alive is also good. It's interviews with inanimate objects. The can of coke is very existential.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Oct 22, 2018 15:22:58 GMT -5
We agreed on that. But my handling of this was not ideal. Oooohhhh, your handling was not ideal <sarcasm>. Let's look at this from the outside in which is the only way I can look at this any way: (i) your H used Xmas money for the kids to buy drugs → while he has a known addiction issue, (ii) H (note that the lack of "D" is not accidental) knows that you are having a very hard time at work currently, (iii) H knows that it is all you can do is not to fall apart and curl up in a corner, and (iv) last but not least you have always stood by him when he got himself into troubles employment wise.
Woman, unless you took a 2X4 to him or cut him up into ribbons HE SHOULD COUNT HIMSELF LUCKY!!! It is his turn to step up to the plate and make life as easy as possible for you until you find yourself a new job. Not adding to the pile of problems you are already facing and you are fully within your rights to reiterate that when next the two of you discuss this issue. You do not have to apologize for anything (well you don't unless you did go the 2X4 or the ribbon cutting route that is)
You are strong and you are very smart, but you are only human!
This. And fuck anyone telling you that you were too harsh on H. For all the bullshit that he's done over the years NOTHING is too harsh. I'd have told him to sleep somewhere else this weekend. Actually, no. I'd leave him with the kids and treat myself to a week somewhere not home. Seriously, fuck him and everyone else.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Oct 22, 2018 15:43:53 GMT -5
NastyWoman you forgot about the part where he told her this as she was getting ready for a job interview. Sorry NomoreDramaQ1015 , but like Sam_2.0 , I don't see how your Hs actually makes your life any better. New substance, same addiction. At least your H brings home a paycheck, but still. You've posted SO MUCH about how your Dad did NOT want you to marry your DH, and nearly didn't show up at your wedding. Your dad clearly loves you. Has he REALLY changed his mind about your H? Or does he just not want you to be left alone with the girls? Dunno, but something to think about (or maybe even ask your Dad).
From the outside, it's the same old story, just different drugs.
Hugs to you.
ETA: I agree, you're not psychic. This job seemed like a GREAT gig! How could you have known?! So please STOP beating yourself up about it.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 22, 2018 15:48:09 GMT -5
Well this is a giant pile of suck. With the way I tilt it makes it difficult to get an IUD in.
First one sucked. Second one was easy so I was hoping this would be too.
We're taking a break because I started bawling. I just want stupid birth control.
This is the last one. DH gets snipped next time.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Oct 22, 2018 16:00:15 GMT -5
I have a tilted uterus too ... IME it depends on who is putting it in. But it's never pleasant, for sure.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 22, 2018 16:09:16 GMT -5
I know y marriage is about as far from perfect as you can get short of being Trump and Melania.
But I wouldn't have married him if he brought nothing to the table. I've known he's an addict since day one.
Can't say I fully realized what I was signing up for but he's never lied to me about it.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Oct 22, 2018 17:52:14 GMT -5
I like podcasts as well. I'm on part 4 of Hardcore History's "Blueprint for Armageddon", which is all about World War I. It's about 20 hours long so definitely a commitment. I have always really enjoyed history so I'm fascinated. I also like "Last Podcast from the Left". It's about serial killers, conspiracies, cults, etc. all with a good dose of humour. Really good but definitely not suitable around children! I love hardcore history! Everything is Alive is also good. It's interviews with inanimate objects. The can of coke is very existential. I will have remember all of these. I do audio books but should do podcasts as well. I'm 20 hours into a 24 hour book detailing WWII and am totally obsessed with the war right now, so all history recommendations are welcome. (DH and I are also rewatching the Pacific right now and then will do Band of Brothers.)
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Oct 22, 2018 18:34:44 GMT -5
I love hardcore history! Everything is Alive is also good. It's interviews with inanimate objects. The can of coke is very existential. I will have remember all of these. I do audio books but should do podcasts as well. I'm 20 hours into a 24 hour book detailing WWII and am totally obsessed with the war right now, so all history recommendations are welcome. (DH and I are also rewatching the Pacific right now and then will do Band of Brothers.) Band of Brothers is excellent. Actually, my DH is watching it right now. I'm not into war movies too much, but I do enjoy Band of Brothers.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Oct 22, 2018 18:51:42 GMT -5
I love hardcore history! Everything is Alive is also good. It's interviews with inanimate objects. The can of coke is very existential. I will have remember all of these. I do audio books but should do podcasts as well. I'm 20 hours into a 24 hour book detailing WWII and am totally obsessed with the war right now, so all history recommendations are welcome. (DH and I are also rewatching the Pacific right now and then will do Band of Brothers.) There is a fantastic documentary series from the CBC called Love, Hate and Propaganda, in 6 parts. I think you'd enjoy it. Hopefully, you can access it from the USA online. curio.ca/en/collection/love-hate-propaganda-i-world-war-ii-for-a-new-generation-1643/
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Oct 22, 2018 18:54:46 GMT -5
Well this is a giant pile of suck. With the way I tilt it makes it difficult to get an IUD in. First one sucked. Second one was easy so I was hoping this would be too. We're taking a break because I started bawling. I just want stupid birth control. This is the last one. DH gets snipped next time. Ugh! Sorry! My IUD insertion was AWFUL! I'm due for a new one next year and I am dreading that appointment. I would prefer getting knocked out for that procedure!
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justme
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Post by justme on Oct 22, 2018 18:58:50 GMT -5
Well this is a giant pile of suck. With the way I tilt it makes it difficult to get an IUD in. First one sucked. Second one was easy so I was hoping this would be too. We're taking a break because I started bawling. I just want stupid birth control. This is the last one. DH gets snipped next time. My dr is giving my valium for my next one. I'll try to remember how it goes.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 22, 2018 21:19:10 GMT -5
If it makes anyone feel better, I win shitty mom of the evening award.
I got home and the kids were all screaming for dinner. So I cook food with the boys each hanging on a leg and Aly telling me how awful I am. Normal night. After the are fed and acting human again, I turn them out to play. Bikes and having fun and running around.
Around 7 I took T in. He had pooped, and as I was changing him, he grabbed the dirty diaper and flung it. I screamed. He cried. Baby got a bath (that i had to wrestle him down for, screaming the whole time). Room got scrubbed.
I went back out on the driveway to the gathering of neighbors to tell DH it was his turn for the older two. Retelling the recent horror had all his friends on my side.
Two hours later, DH had the big kids in bed, and we were back out on the driveway discussing Halloween plans with the neighbors. There are 4 of us on the dead end and we wanted to plan something fun.
And then I hear screaming. Aly had gotten up, and not been able to find us. She was hysterical. She was worried about how she could care for the baby on her own because she thought we were dead 9r had abandoned them. Sweet girl ♡ she was so upset and I felt like shit. It took awhile to calm her down and assure her that we never even left our yard, that we were just outside.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 22, 2018 21:20:21 GMT -5
I know y marriage is about as far from perfect as you can get short of being Trump and Melania. But I wouldn't have married him if he brought nothing to the table. I've known he's an addict since day one. Can't say I fully realized what I was signing up for but he's never lied to me about it. I don't think any of us really understand what it means living with an addict until we deal with a relapse. The addiction is an explanation, not an excuse. I also get not really dealing with it. It's easy just to not. My husband has been sober, now, for 18 months or so since his relapse. I focus on school, on the kids, and on work so much so that I do forget to process the feelings that I'm disposable. The kids are disposable. That I'm really not important to my husband. That I'm not sure he's capable of having his addiction take a back seat to me.
Of course, DH says it's not true, blah blah blah.
But. Whether or not he admits to it. It is the truth. As ugly and painful as it is.
And of course, my husband is not exclusively his addiction. He's many things. He brings lots of good things to the table. We run our family like rock stars. But, just because we can run our family well and we are compatible...that doesn't erase DH's choices.
The rub, of course is that...I'm not disposable. I deserve to surround myself with people who not only think that, but also BEHAVE like it. Whether it's friends or family. I'm not even talking about any other romantic partners. I deserve to be valued.
I do struggle with the damage I will inflict on the kids if I divorce. Is it worth raising them in abject poverty now. No. But, they will grow up and move on with their own lives, as they should.
And I do think as adults, if I came to them and said "Would you stay with a partner that will never have you as their first love in your relationship and they said "Well, of course not." They'd begin to understand. Or if I said "Would you stay in a relationship if someone repeatedly showed you are disposable?" I'm betting my kids would say no. They may not be uber smart. But, they have a good sense of what's right and what's not. No matter where my husband is..with his recovery or lack there of..I'm not obligated to stay.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Oct 22, 2018 22:01:33 GMT -5
Anyone dealt with a loose tooth in a toddler? We went to a pumpkin patch on Friday, and M crashed into C at the bottom of a slide. Bloody nose, bloody mouth, but we got it all stopped and it looked like her teeth were okay. Fast forward to this morning, and her daycare messages me to tell me that it looks like one front tooth might be loose and she’s bleeding a little there (I had mentioned the pumpkin patch incident to her). I’ve got an appointment with a dentist for her at 2 today, and trying not to freak out in the meantime. I didn’t notice any more blood all weekend, so I don’t know if she bumped it again with a toy or the pretzel stick she was eating this morning or what. Argh, I hate blood. DD#2 Full on knocked out two of DD#1's bottom, side teeth. Roots and all. Since they were baby teeth, the dentist wasn't terribly worried about it. I had them soaking in milk thinking that the dentist would some how put them back in. Anyhoo, the dentist just watched as DD got older to make sure that the permanent teeth still came in the right way.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Oct 22, 2018 22:05:34 GMT -5
Somebody put me in timeout, please. I've already called our former pastor a racist liar and then called out some arrogant white asshole for saying white privilege does not exist in our suburb. I like my dad and FIL as people, but for the most part can we just take the whole lot of white men and ship them to another planet? Hmmm...to their face? Were they actually being that? If it was online, I'd say step away from the computer for a bit. I've had to give myself a timeout from here and from a few FB groups on a few occasions in the past two years. how do you listen to podcasts? Do you have to have an iphone? I am so technologically illiterate when it comes to my phone it isn't even funny You need the actual app. It's purple with a star thing. It'd a weird circle thing. I'll post a screen shot of my phone.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Oct 22, 2018 22:11:41 GMT -5
If it makes anyone feel better, I win shitty mom of the evening award. I got home and the kids were all screaming for dinner. So I cook food with the boys each hanging on a leg and Aly telling me how awful I am. Normal night. After the are fed and acting human again, I turn them out to play. Bikes and having fun and running around. Around 7 I took T in. He had pooped, and as I was changing him, he grabbed the dirty diaper and flung it. I screamed. He cried. Baby got a bath (that i had to wrestle him down for, screaming the whole time). Room got scrubbed. I went back out on the driveway to the gathering of neighbors to tell DH it was his turn for the older two. Retelling the recent horror had all his friends on my side. Two hours later, DH had the big kids in bed, and we were back out on the driveway discussing Halloween plans with the neighbors. There are 4 of us on the dead end and we wanted to plan something fun. And then I hear screaming. Aly had gotten up, and not been able to find us. She was hysterical. She was worried about how she could care for the baby on her own because she thought we were dead 9r had abandoned them. Sweet girl ♡ she was so upset and I felt like shit. It took awhile to calm her down and assure her that we never even left our yard, that we were just outside. I completely understand why you feel bad; however, this is not shitty mom of the year worthy. You didn't leave your property. Kids get scared. It's all going to be okay.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Oct 22, 2018 22:16:14 GMT -5
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Oct 22, 2018 22:19:07 GMT -5
If it makes anyone feel better, I win shitty mom of the evening award. I got home and the kids were all screaming for dinner. So I cook food with the boys each hanging on a leg and Aly telling me how awful I am. Normal night. After the are fed and acting human again, I turn them out to play. Bikes and having fun and running around. Around 7 I took T in. He had pooped, and as I was changing him, he grabbed the dirty diaper and flung it. I screamed. He cried. Baby got a bath (that i had to wrestle him down for, screaming the whole time). Room got scrubbed. I went back out on the driveway to the gathering of neighbors to tell DH it was his turn for the older two. Retelling the recent horror had all his friends on my side. Two hours later, DH had the big kids in bed, and we were back out on the driveway discussing Halloween plans with the neighbors. There are 4 of us on the dead end and we wanted to plan something fun. And then I hear screaming. Aly had gotten up, and not been able to find us. She was hysterical. She was worried about how she could care for the baby on her own because she thought we were dead 9r had abandoned them. Sweet girl ♡ she was so upset and I felt like shit. It took awhile to calm her down and assure her that we never even left our yard, that we were just outside. I would win the shitty mom award because I would be tempted to tell her that she hurt my feelings by being mean to me and telling me earlier how awful I was, so I had to leave the house to recover. She’ll be fine, and maybe now she’ll know to peek out the windows into the yard and driveway if she can’t find you inside.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2018 22:33:58 GMT -5
If it makes anyone feel better, I win shitty mom of the evening award. I got home and the kids were all screaming for dinner. So I cook food with the boys each hanging on a leg and Aly telling me how awful I am. Normal night. After the are fed and acting human again, I turn them out to play. Bikes and having fun and running around. Around 7 I took T in. He had pooped, and as I was changing him, he grabbed the dirty diaper and flung it. I screamed. He cried. Baby got a bath (that i had to wrestle him down for, screaming the whole time). Room got scrubbed. I went back out on the driveway to the gathering of neighbors to tell DH it was his turn for the older two. Retelling the recent horror had all his friends on my side. Two hours later, DH had the big kids in bed, and we were back out on the driveway discussing Halloween plans with the neighbors. There are 4 of us on the dead end and we wanted to plan something fun. And then I hear screaming. Aly had gotten up, and not been able to find us. She was hysterical. She was worried about how she could care for the baby on her own because she thought we were dead 9r had abandoned them. Sweet girl ♡ she was so upset and I felt like shit. It took awhile to calm her down and assure her that we never even left our yard, that we were just outside. She'll be fine. This is coming from a single mom that lives on a farm. I often took advantage of nap times to do things that took me out of earshot outside. They lived and after one or two freak outs, they figured out I probably wasn't far and to just sit tight.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 22, 2018 23:02:00 GMT -5
If it makes anyone feel better, I win shitty mom of the evening award. I got home and the kids were all screaming for dinner. So I cook food with the boys each hanging on a leg and Aly telling me how awful I am. Normal night. After the are fed and acting human again, I turn them out to play. Bikes and having fun and running around. Around 7 I took T in. He had pooped, and as I was changing him, he grabbed the dirty diaper and flung it. I screamed. He cried. Baby got a bath (that i had to wrestle him down for, screaming the whole time). Room got scrubbed. I went back out on the driveway to the gathering of neighbors to tell DH it was his turn for the older two. Retelling the recent horror had all his friends on my side. Two hours later, DH had the big kids in bed, and we were back out on the driveway discussing Halloween plans with the neighbors. There are 4 of us on the dead end and we wanted to plan something fun. And then I hear screaming. Aly had gotten up, and not been able to find us. She was hysterical. She was worried about how she could care for the baby on her own because she thought we were dead 9r had abandoned them. Sweet girl ♡ she was so upset and I felt like shit. It took awhile to calm her down and assure her that we never even left our yard, that we were just outside. It feels so bad, I know. But also, i've had B flip her shit when she couldn't find me because i was downstairs, or upstairs, or in the bathroom. Literally anywhere she couldn't immediately see me. They do get over it. Also, please explain to her that if something WERE to happen, she would not be responsible for the other kids by herself. That's a lot for a kid to take on!!!
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Oct 23, 2018 2:47:44 GMT -5
NomoreDramaQ1015 and giramomma and anyone else dealing with addiction in their family: I was listening to an NPR show featuring a father of an addict son, both of whom had written memoirs about getting the son through to his current sobriety. The father also wrote a book about the science behind addiction and effective treatment. A big part of real recovery, according to him, is the real need for psychiatric help for the addict. Addictions don't originate out of the blue and relapsing is common. Until the foundational issue is addressed the addict will continue to be drawn to repeat the pattern. For thought.
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