tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Oct 22, 2018 8:37:55 GMT -5
Drama - you are doing a remarkable job of hanging in there while also doing what needs to be done. Sending hugs and support. I would disagree. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I am holding back tears right now as I walk into work dreading what I'll see on my bench. Everything is linked to the decision to take this job. My physical and mental health is eroding. It's ruining all my relationships no matter how hard I try to compartmentalize. I can't get myself to quit. It goes against my nature and everything I've been taught. But at the same time IDK if I can make it. Mom is right I'm not too young to have a heart attack. None if this excuses DH. However it is making it hard to process and figure out how much is him vs how much is everything else creating smoke in mirrors. Drama, you don’t deserve the blame/guilt/whatever for everything, so please don’t pile it on yourself. Your DH choosing to spend your family’s money on drugs, his choosing to make these choices that don’t put his wife and kids first, are NOT a result of the job you took. Please cut yourself some slack, if possible - I know it’s hard, but I’m hoping that you can get into a counselor or find some coping mechanism that can help you put one foot in front of the other until the situation changes one way or another. Hugs friend, we all care about you.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Oct 22, 2018 8:48:49 GMT -5
I would disagree. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I am holding back tears right now as I walk into work dreading what I'll see on my bench. Everything is linked to the decision to take this job. My physical and mental health is eroding. It's ruining all my relationships no matter how hard I try to compartmentalize. I can't get myself to quit. It goes against my nature and everything I've been taught. But at the same time IDK if I can make it. Mom is right I'm not too young to have a heart attack. None if this excuses DH. However it is making it hard to process and figure out how much is him vs how much is everything else creating smoke in mirrors. Drama, you don’t deserve the blame/guilt/whatever for everything, so please don’t pile it on yourself. Your DH choosing to spend your family’s money on drugs, his choosing to make these choices that don’t put his wife and kids first, are NOT a result of the job you took. Please cut yourself some slack, if possible - I know it’s hard, but I’m hoping that you can get into a counselor or find some coping mechanism that can help you put one foot in front of the other until the situation changes one way or another. Hugs friend, we all care about you. And anyone would have taken that job if they were in your position. You don't have a crystal ball!
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 22, 2018 8:54:12 GMT -5
My SIL participated in the Invictus Games (wounded warrior) - one-armed rowing - and WON GOLD! She is such a badass.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 22, 2018 8:58:52 GMT -5
Drama - what would happen if you quit? Honestly? Think through the scenario. Make a plan. Could you go get a job unloading trucks at Target? I did that for a long time. I think they still pay $13-14/hr. Its not bank, but maybe something like that would keep you afloat. It doesn't mean forever. But maybe 2-3 months would get you to a better spot?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 22, 2018 9:00:13 GMT -5
I would disagree. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I am holding back tears right now as I walk into work dreading what I'll see on my bench. Everything is linked to the decision to take this job. My physical and mental health is eroding. It's ruining all my relationships no matter how hard I try to compartmentalize. I can't get myself to quit. It goes against my nature and everything I've been taught. But at the same time IDK if I can make it. Mom is right I'm not too young to have a heart attack. None if this excuses DH. However it is making it hard to process and figure out how much is him vs how much is everything else creating smoke in mirrors. Drama, you don’t deserve the blame/guilt/whatever for everything, so please don’t pile it on yourself. Your DH choosing to spend your family’s money on drugs, his choosing to make these choices that don’t put his wife and kids first, are NOT a result of the job you took. Please cut yourself some slack, if possible - I know it’s hard, but I’m hoping that you can get into a counselor or find some coping mechanism that can help you put one foot in front of the other until the situation changes one way or another. Hugs friend, we all care about you. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying with it all in my face it's really hard to detangle what is my actual response to DH and what is due to all the rest of my anger and aggression. I had a long talk with my dad yesterday he came over to see if I was all right. He made a lot of good points. I still plan on the EAP and I still want DH to see an addiction therapist but I flew off the handle Friday. I know because Gwen came to us in tears asking if her and Abby were going to be split up. This is a problem but not one to devestate my children over.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Oct 22, 2018 9:13:35 GMT -5
Drama, you don’t deserve the blame/guilt/whatever for everything, so please don’t pile it on yourself. Your DH choosing to spend your family’s money on drugs, his choosing to make these choices that don’t put his wife and kids first, are NOT a result of the job you took. Please cut yourself some slack, if possible - I know it’s hard, but I’m hoping that you can get into a counselor or find some coping mechanism that can help you put one foot in front of the other until the situation changes one way or another. Hugs friend, we all care about you. And anyone would have taken that job if they were in your position. You don't have a crystal ball! Go back and read your posts about your old job. You didn't have a crystal ball to know this is a shit show. You did the best you could with the info you had. And your husband is still being a dick.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Oct 22, 2018 9:16:29 GMT -5
Drama, you don’t deserve the blame/guilt/whatever for everything, so please don’t pile it on yourself. Your DH choosing to spend your family’s money on drugs, his choosing to make these choices that don’t put his wife and kids first, are NOT a result of the job you took. Please cut yourself some slack, if possible - I know it’s hard, but I’m hoping that you can get into a counselor or find some coping mechanism that can help you put one foot in front of the other until the situation changes one way or another. Hugs friend, we all care about you. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying with it all in my face it's really hard to detangle what is my actual response to DH and what is due to all the rest of my anger and aggression. I had a long talk with my dad yesterday he came over to see if I was all right. He made a lot of good points. I still plan on the EAP and I still want DH to see an addiction therapist but I flew off the handle Friday.I know because Gwen came to us in tears asking if her and Abby were going to be split up. This is a problem but not one to devestate my children over. He spent your kids christmas present money on weed, and doesn't see a problem with it. You had every right to fly off the handle. Addiction is a bitch, and it's often one stop forward, two steps back. Keep calling him on his bullshit.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 22, 2018 9:41:05 GMT -5
That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying with it all in my face it's really hard to detangle what is my actual response to DH and what is due to all the rest of my anger and aggression. I had a long talk with my dad yesterday he came over to see if I was all right. He made a lot of good points. I still plan on the EAP and I still want DH to see an addiction therapist but I flew off the handle Friday.I know because Gwen came to us in tears asking if her and Abby were going to be split up. This is a problem but not one to devestate my children over. He spent your kids christmas present money on weed, and doesn't see a problem with it. You had every right to fly off the handle. Addiction is a bitch, and it's often one stop forward, two steps back. Keep calling him on his bullshit. There is flying off the handle and there is what I did. I'm no saint either. My dad raised a good point when he reminded me of how bad we fought over me marrying DH to begin with. If my behavior was 100% warranted he'd be the first to defend me. That he was defending DH should tell me something. Again does not make it okay and we need to fix shit if we're going to last another 10 years. But I gotta own my bad behavior too. Hiding behind the injured spouse card won't help either.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Oct 22, 2018 9:43:20 GMT -5
He spent your kids christmas present money on weed, and doesn't see a problem with it. You had every right to fly off the handle. Addiction is a bitch, and it's often one stop forward, two steps back. Keep calling him on his bullshit. There is flying off the handle and there is what I did. I'm no saint either. My dad raised a good point when he reminded me of how bad we fought over me marrying DH to begin with. If my behavior was 100% warranted he'd be the first to defend me. That he was defending DH should tell me something. Again does not make it okay and we need to fix shit if we're going to last another 10 years. But I gotta own my bad behavior too. Hiding behind the injured spouse card won't help either. If your dad is defending him, I see what you are saying. I still think your husband is being a dick.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Oct 22, 2018 9:47:55 GMT -5
Drama, you don’t deserve the blame/guilt/whatever for everything, so please don’t pile it on yourself. Your DH choosing to spend your family’s money on drugs, his choosing to make these choices that don’t put his wife and kids first, are NOT a result of the job you took. Please cut yourself some slack, if possible - I know it’s hard, but I’m hoping that you can get into a counselor or find some coping mechanism that can help you put one foot in front of the other until the situation changes one way or another. Hugs friend, we all care about you. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying with it all in my face it's really hard to detangle what is my actual response to DH and what is due to all the rest of my anger and aggression. I had a long talk with my dad yesterday he came over to see if I was all right. He made a lot of good points. I still plan on the EAP and I still want DH to see an addiction therapist but I flew off the handle Friday. I know because Gwen came to us in tears asking if her and Abby were going to be split up. This is a problem but not one to devestate my children over. I did this with my kids yesterday and I thought about you this morning. Drama - what can you change right now? What are the positives in your situation right now? I know your situation sucks, but focusing on the negatives makes thinks harder to deal with. So if you aren't going to change the situation, working with the positives can put you in a better head space to deal with life.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 22, 2018 10:00:48 GMT -5
There is flying off the handle and there is what I did. I'm no saint either. My dad raised a good point when he reminded me of how bad we fought over me marrying DH to begin with. If my behavior was 100% warranted he'd be the first to defend me. That he was defending DH should tell me something. Again does not make it okay and we need to fix shit if we're going to last another 10 years. But I gotta own my bad behavior too. Hiding behind the injured spouse card won't help either. If your dad is defending him, I see what you are saying. I still think your husband is being a dick. We agreed on that. But my handling of this was not ideal.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 22, 2018 10:04:46 GMT -5
That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying with it all in my face it's really hard to detangle what is my actual response to DH and what is due to all the rest of my anger and aggression. I had a long talk with my dad yesterday he came over to see if I was all right. He made a lot of good points. I still plan on the EAP and I still want DH to see an addiction therapist but I flew off the handle Friday. I know because Gwen came to us in tears asking if her and Abby were going to be split up. This is a problem but not one to devestate my children over. I did this with my kids yesterday and I thought about you this morning. Drama - what can you change right now? What are the positives in your situation right now? I know your situation sucks, but focusing on the negatives makes thinks harder to deal with. So if you aren't going to change the situation, working with the positives can put you in a better head space to deal with life. I've been trying but the last few days have been awful. Everyone in the freaking county is getting shit done before the end of the year. I'm not the only coworker who has melted down on the past week. It's hard to be positive when you can barely stand.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Oct 22, 2018 10:12:28 GMT -5
Anyone dealt with a loose tooth in a toddler? We went to a pumpkin patch on Friday, and M crashed into C at the bottom of a slide. Bloody nose, bloody mouth, but we got it all stopped and it looked like her teeth were okay. Fast forward to this morning, and her daycare messages me to tell me that it looks like one front tooth might be loose and she’s bleeding a little there (I had mentioned the pumpkin patch incident to her). I’ve got an appointment with a dentist for her at 2 today, and trying not to freak out in the meantime. I didn’t notice any more blood all weekend, so I don’t know if she bumped it again with a toy or the pretzel stick she was eating this morning or what.
Argh, I hate blood.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Oct 22, 2018 10:16:30 GMT -5
If your dad is defending him, I see what you are saying. I still think your husband is being a dick. We agreed on that. But my handling of this was not ideal. I obviously don't know exactly how you handled it, but my guess is you were at the end of your rope and you realized that if you didn't completely lose your shit the point would not sink in. You probably weren't wrong.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Oct 22, 2018 10:18:38 GMT -5
DS 16 is already planning his one year 'anniversary' date with his girlfriend. I guess it's the day before Thanksgiving? That's the day of when they officially started liking each other. He asked her what her favorite nice restaurant was and she named this local chain that is famous for its chicken fingers. I wouldn't want to actually go back to that age, but it's so cute how young and in love they are.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 22, 2018 10:20:18 GMT -5
Anyone dealt with a loose tooth in a toddler? We went to a pumpkin patch on Friday, and M crashed into C at the bottom of a slide. Bloody nose, bloody mouth, but we got it all stopped and it looked like her teeth were okay. Fast forward to this morning, and her daycare messages me to tell me that it looks like one front tooth might be loose and she’s bleeding a little there (I had mentioned the pumpkin patch incident to her). I’ve got an appointment with a dentist for her at 2 today, and trying not to freak out in the meantime. I didn’t notice any more blood all weekend, so I don’t know if she bumped it again with a toy or the pretzel stick she was eating this morning or what. Argh, I hate blood. Leave it alone is what I've been told. If it's still attached it can heal.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 22, 2018 10:20:43 GMT -5
I get that your kids feel scared but I’m hoping someone didn’t tell them about splitting up being an option.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 22, 2018 10:30:53 GMT -5
I get that your kids feel scared but I’m hoping someone didn’t tell them about splitting up being an option. No but she's a smart kid and has friends who have divorced parents. She put it together.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Oct 22, 2018 10:40:20 GMT -5
Drama - what would happen if you quit? Honestly? Think through the scenario. Make a plan. Could you go get a job unloading trucks at Target? I did that for a long time. I think they still pay $13-14/hr. Its not bank, but maybe something like that would keep you afloat. It doesn't mean forever. But maybe 2-3 months would get you to a better spot? One of the managers at my PT job says his wife is a manager at Target and they do pay roughly that to start. I did the math and I think that is roughly $10K less than the job she left for this one. 10K is a big difference, but it could be worth it not to deal with the crap she has to deal with. By 2020, he said they will be up to $15/hour. Drama, if you could and were interested in doing something like that, now would be the time to get in there as they're hiring like crazy with the holidays coming. Retail can suck at times, but not nearly like what you're dealing with now.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 22, 2018 11:03:01 GMT -5
DS 16 is already planning his one year 'anniversary' date with his girlfriend. I guess it's the day before Thanksgiving? That's the day of when they officially started liking each other. He asked her what her favorite nice restaurant was and she named this local chain that is famous for its chicken fingers. I wouldn't want to actually go back to that age, but it's so cute how young and in love they are. That's adorable.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 22, 2018 11:05:19 GMT -5
My SIL participated in the Invictus Games (wounded warrior) - one-armed rowing - and WON GOLD! She is such a badass. I don't remember why, but dh was rowing us in a boat somewhere once and that night he practically died from muscle cramps. That is such hard work.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 22, 2018 11:06:33 GMT -5
Anyone dealt with a loose tooth in a toddler? We went to a pumpkin patch on Friday, and M crashed into C at the bottom of a slide. Bloody nose, bloody mouth, but we got it all stopped and it looked like her teeth were okay. Fast forward to this morning, and her daycare messages me to tell me that it looks like one front tooth might be loose and she’s bleeding a little there (I had mentioned the pumpkin patch incident to her). I’ve got an appointment with a dentist for her at 2 today, and trying not to freak out in the meantime. I didn’t notice any more blood all weekend, so I don’t know if she bumped it again with a toy or the pretzel stick she was eating this morning or what. Argh, I hate blood. I haven't, but I hope the dentist says it will heal quickly.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 22, 2018 11:12:30 GMT -5
E has her first loose tooth. She's so excited.
She was super sick last week, and now C has it. I don't know that he's really sick enough to stay home, but he went to bed after breakfast knowing no screens or even reading if he's too sick for school. Dh is sick too so I ended up staying home. My only symptom is vertigo so far and hopefully that is all I get.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Oct 22, 2018 11:35:27 GMT -5
I did this with my kids yesterday and I thought about you this morning. Drama - what can you change right now? What are the positives in your situation right now? I know your situation sucks, but focusing on the negatives makes thinks harder to deal with. So if you aren't going to change the situation, working with the positives can put you in a better head space to deal with life. I've been trying but the last few days have been awful. Everyone in the freaking county is getting shit done before the end of the year. I'm not the only coworker who has melted down on the past week. It's hard to be positive when you can barely stand. Ok different tactic. Make an unhappiness list. Write down everything that is making you upset and then write down what you can do about it. You don't have to do them, but it is a form of venting to yourself. (Cortesy of the Happier with Gretchen Ruben Podcast, episode 164)
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 22, 2018 11:39:07 GMT -5
Oh no, Rae. I hope the germs flee your place quickly!
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 22, 2018 13:00:40 GMT -5
Somebody put me in timeout, please. I've already called our former pastor a racist liar and then called out some arrogant white asshole for saying white privilege does not exist in our suburb. I like my dad and FIL as people, but for the most part can we just take the whole lot of white men and ship them to another planet?
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 22, 2018 13:01:18 GMT -5
(the system at work blew up today so I have 1,000 mindless tasks to clear out. hence all the free time)
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Oct 22, 2018 13:05:20 GMT -5
Somebody put me in timeout, please. I've already called our former pastor a racist liar and then called out some arrogant white asshole for saying white privilege does not exist in our suburb. I like my dad and FIL as people, but for the most part can we just take the whole lot of white men and ship them to another planet? Ship them somewhere where they can't get back from, I'm game for that.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Oct 22, 2018 13:16:50 GMT -5
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 22, 2018 13:22:12 GMT -5
how do you listen to podcasts? Do you have to have an iphone? I am so technologically illiterate when it comes to my phone it isn't even funny
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