raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 12, 2018 9:30:43 GMT -5
Annoyed- ODD has been tardy to school everyday for the last two weeks. We just came off of some issues and her fighting to go at all, so I figured it was because of still some stress/anxiety in the morning. Well thanks to the hurrican and working in a differnt district I had a two hour delay and they did not. She has to be in the classroom by 7:45, it takes about 10 mins to get there. It is 7:25 and DH is still in bed. Yep he has decided he doesn't like dealing with the traffic at school so he is dropping her off late, of course it is the schools fault for not having a better system for the traffic. I so feel ya. Now that I'm working at home I do everything to get the kids ready for and dropped off at school. Dh sleeps until it's basically time to walk out the door, barks some orders at the kids, asks me if he can help with anything (not at this point!) and then walks to school with us, only to come home and either nap or flip through facebook. I've asked him why he doesn't just stay in bed and sleep so that he can be productive when he gets up, but he would feel guilty doing that. He doesn't help with getting things ready at night when he can't sleep which would actually be helpful. He perpetually lives in the land of tomorrow when everything goes the way he wants it to and can't accept that that's never happened. But I'm being mean when I point that out. I didn't care about being mean yesterday and forced his hand to pick up some extra shifts at work to make up for his short checks (he has no paid time off). He has been watching out for and taking care of 1 bill and doesn't understand why I don't feel like that's taken the burden off of me. It's not been a fun week. I'm defensive and just barely managing pleasantries. He's defensive and bordering on martyrdom (which upside means he makes a big point to actually do stuff around the house). I can't pull myself out of it and don't see any solutions to the underlying issue, so I think we're going to be stuck here for a while.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 12, 2018 9:39:53 GMT -5
Hugs, Rae.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Oct 12, 2018 9:47:13 GMT -5
You have all my sympathy, raeoflyte. Hope something changes for the better.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 12, 2018 10:04:50 GMT -5
I'm sorry Tae. Hugs.
Geena, one of my mommy friends is going through something similar with her h and daughter. No advice but hugs.
Not much happening with us. We've sort of got a routine that's more or less working. At least for now. Forced kids to try on winter coats last night. C is fine but K needs a new coat. K also went through her mittens, etc. so I have a bag for my mommy friends. Or Goodwill. Both kids needs boots and I have to check their snowpants.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Oct 12, 2018 10:30:49 GMT -5
Geena, and rae, those are both infuriating stories. Time to , I think. What is it about guys and waiting until the last minute to get ready and leave the house? A far winter gear is concerned, I'm not sure what to do about YDS. I have a lightweight down for him that he's worn since last year, as it is size 5/6. It is no good for wet days, and isn't warm enough for the coldest days. He's wearing it today, as it is mid-40's. Now that he's outgrown his warmer winter coat, I have 2 hand-me-down coats that are both kind of trashed. He's been wearing the inner coat from one of them that comes apart. ODS ripped the outer one to shreds. It's still wearable, but embarrassing close up. That would have been the piece that I'd have him wear for cold, rainy days as well. The other one is a one-piece that has an extra hand-me-down generation on it, and is not as suitable for rain. It's better but velcro that closes over the zipper no longer sticks. So, we have 3 coats for him, so it seems like a huge waste to buy even more. We never hang out in the rain for long. I suppose I should keep an eye on sales at Target.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 12, 2018 10:36:33 GMT -5
Can you fix/clean the velco? Or easily replace it?
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Oct 12, 2018 10:48:50 GMT -5
Can you fix/clean the velco? Or easily replace it? Maybe. For some reason I thought I tried that, but now I realize it was a different coat that wasn't easily fixed. I still feel like we need a coat for rain, then. That would be cheaper, anyway!
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Oct 12, 2018 10:58:55 GMT -5
Geena, and rae, those are both infuriating stories. Time to , I think. What is it about guys and waiting until the last minute to get ready and leave the house? A far winter gear is concerned, I'm not sure what to do about YDS. I have a lightweight down for him that he's worn since last year, as it is size 5/6. It is no good for wet days, and isn't warm enough for the coldest days. He's wearing it today, as it is mid-40's. Now that he's outgrown his warmer winter coat, I have 2 hand-me-down coats that are both kind of trashed. He's been wearing the inner coat from one of them that comes apart. ODS ripped the outer one to shreds. It's still wearable, but embarrassing close up. That would have been the piece that I'd have him wear for cold, rainy days as well. The other one is a one-piece that has an extra hand-me-down generation on it, and is not as suitable for rain. It's better but velcro that closes over the zipper no longer sticks. So, we have 3 coats for him, so it seems like a huge waste to buy even more. We never hang out in the rain for long. I suppose I should keep an eye on sales at Target. Keep your eye on Facebook Marketplace, Craigslist, resale shops, etc. I have a consignment store that I hit up for everything kids. I bought Ben a new coat for $9 last week. His previous coat wasn't in as good of shape, but I got it for $5. My kids are just too hard on clothes to buy them new stuff.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2018 11:01:51 GMT -5
It might be getting picked clean by now, but I'd make a pass through Goodwill or the Salvation Army. Worth a shot anyhow. I've found like new coats and boots there for cheap.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2018 11:04:02 GMT -5
Geena, and rae, those are both infuriating stories. Time to , I think. What is it about guys and waiting until the last minute to get ready and leave the house? A far winter gear is concerned, I'm not sure what to do about YDS. I have a lightweight down for him that he's worn since last year, as it is size 5/6. It is no good for wet days, and isn't warm enough for the coldest days. He's wearing it today, as it is mid-40's. Now that he's outgrown his warmer winter coat, I have 2 hand-me-down coats that are both kind of trashed. He's been wearing the inner coat from one of them that comes apart. ODS ripped the outer one to shreds. It's still wearable, but embarrassing close up. That would have been the piece that I'd have him wear for cold, rainy days as well. The other one is a one-piece that has an extra hand-me-down generation on it, and is not as suitable for rain. It's better but velcro that closes over the zipper no longer sticks. So, we have 3 coats for him, so it seems like a huge waste to buy even more. We never hang out in the rain for long. I suppose I should keep an eye on sales at Target. Keep your eye on Facebook Marketplace, Craigslist, resale shops, etc. I have a consignment store that I hit up for everything kids. I bought Ben a new coat for $9 last week. His previous coat wasn't in as good of shape, but I got it for $5. My kids are just too hard on clothes to buy them new stuff.Mine LOSE it too much. At least the younger one. He lost two jackets last week. I've recovered one, but the other is still MIA. The older is finally getting more dependable there.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Oct 12, 2018 11:09:24 GMT -5
Geena, and rae, those are both infuriating stories. Time to , I think. What is it about guys and waiting until the last minute to get ready and leave the house? A far winter gear is concerned, I'm not sure what to do about YDS. I have a lightweight down for him that he's worn since last year, as it is size 5/6. It is no good for wet days, and isn't warm enough for the coldest days. He's wearing it today, as it is mid-40's. Now that he's outgrown his warmer winter coat, I have 2 hand-me-down coats that are both kind of trashed. He's been wearing the inner coat from one of them that comes apart. ODS ripped the outer one to shreds. It's still wearable, but embarrassing close up. That would have been the piece that I'd have him wear for cold, rainy days as well. The other one is a one-piece that has an extra hand-me-down generation on it, and is not as suitable for rain. It's better but velcro that closes over the zipper no longer sticks. So, we have 3 coats for him, so it seems like a huge waste to buy even more. We never hang out in the rain for long. I suppose I should keep an eye on sales at Target. Keep your eye on Facebook Marketplace, Craigslist, resale shops, etc. I have a consignment store that I hit up for everything kids. I bought Ben a new coat for $9 last week. His previous coat wasn't in as good of shape, but I got it for $5. My kids are just too hard on clothes to buy them new stuff. I don't have it in me to buy through FB Marketplace. People seem to want too much for stuff. The local Goodwill rarely has anything decent for boys, but I'll keep that in mind, and look at others. I've heard other locations have a lot more good stuff.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 12, 2018 11:16:04 GMT -5
I busted out an old poncho from our baseball bag for Aly the other day and put it on her to head to the bus stop. She said she was the only kid with a poncho But it kept her body and her backpack all dry and she still had both hands free. I thought about buying a newer one for her to wear over her jackets when needed. Thanks for the reminder to head up to the consignment store for coats. Or check the neighborhood page. Ive started to buy snowpants and boots in black/blue/purple and we can just pass them down. We don't need them more than one or two days here anyway.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Oct 12, 2018 11:21:06 GMT -5
Keep your eye on Facebook Marketplace, Craigslist, resale shops, etc. I have a consignment store that I hit up for everything kids. I bought Ben a new coat for $9 last week. His previous coat wasn't in as good of shape, but I got it for $5. My kids are just too hard on clothes to buy them new stuff. I don't have it in me to buy through FB Marketplace. People seem to want too much for stuff. The local Goodwill rarely has anything decent for boys, but I'll keep that in mind, and look at others. I've heard other locations have a lot more good stuff. What size do you need? Ben's old one is a size 7. Not the best shape, but I don't think it has any rips. I'll mail it to you for the cost of shipping.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Oct 12, 2018 11:25:15 GMT -5
Jocelyn's friend had her surgery on Monday. It went well, though she struggled with nausea for a couple days. She is now out of the PICU and pictures have a little of a twinkle back in her eye. They are at the University of Iowa Children's hospital which is relatively new and the top floor overlooks the football stadium. Pretty cool pics.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 12, 2018 13:05:02 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. I just want to stop being angry and part of that will have to come from accepting him for who he is. But I also need him to accept himself for who he is so I can get realistic commitments from him. E is grading up in jiu jitsu tonight for her orange belt. C would be grading up in weapons, but he's in the school play tonight and tomorrow so has to wait till next month. Dh is going with E for her grading and then grading himself, and I'm going with C to his play tonight. I don't know if anyone else has bedwetting issues, and I don't want to jinx us here, but I bought one of the alarms that clips to their undies and their pj shirt for C. It has 6 different tones and vibrates as soon as the sensor gets even a little wet. We're 1 week in, the alarm went off 1 night and woke C up right away and he's been dry every other night either waking up himself to go to the bathroom or just staying dry. We have a lot of night time alarms for C's bg and the kids sleep through all of them so the vibrate piece is what I was really hoping would work and it seems to be. I bought a cheap one on amazon for $35 and while the sensor clip on the undies is super weird C can attach and detach it himself and sleeps in it just fine. I'm really hoping we keep having good luck with this. He had been dry for months, but a couple weeks before school we started having issues again and we were washing the bedding all the time.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Oct 12, 2018 13:59:01 GMT -5
I don't have it in me to buy through FB Marketplace. People seem to want too much for stuff. The local Goodwill rarely has anything decent for boys, but I'll keep that in mind, and look at others. I've heard other locations have a lot more good stuff. What size do you need? Ben's old one is a size 7. Not the best shape, but I don't think it has any rips. I'll mail it to you for the cost of shipping. So nice of you to offer. He's just getting into size 6, so it might work, but what exactly is it? I know I was talking about winter coats, and then heavier-weight raincoats, so I'm not sure.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Oct 12, 2018 14:11:22 GMT -5
Annoyed- ODD has been tardy to school everyday for the last two weeks. We just came off of some issues and her fighting to go at all, so I figured it was because of still some stress/anxiety in the morning. Well thanks to the hurrican and working in a differnt district I had a two hour delay and they did not. She has to be in the classroom by 7:45, it takes about 10 mins to get there. It is 7:25 and DH is still in bed. Yep he has decided he doesn't like dealing with the traffic at school so he is dropping her off late, of course it is the schools fault for not having a better system for the traffic. I avoid the traffic by dropping my kids off way early. Carrot starts at 7:45 and I drop him off at 7am. The earliest they can get there. Hardly anyone there...very low stress. He plays with his friends or has breakfast for $1 if he's still hungry.
Older son gets dropped off a few minutes later at the high school and he doesn't start until 8:45, so he has a long wait, but he uses the time to do homework (at least that's what he tells me...he doesn't complain about the nearly 2 hour wait though).
Part of her 504 plan is that she is suppose to check in with her agricultural teacher morning homeroom and help with the animals, since that is her "comfortable" spot in school . Dropping her off early is certainly an option if he gets up fast enough.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Oct 12, 2018 14:25:55 GMT -5
Oh I certainly will let DH handle the meetings about excessive tardies. No wonder he feels judge by the ladies in the office. I don't know what other arrangements to make. The bus is just to loud and crowded for ODD, and pretty my guarantees her going into school wired and ready to snap. We do have her ride it home, and that task her but at least when she gets home she has some time without anyone around. Little sister gets home an hour later.
I shop the thrift and goodwill all the time. My ODD doesn't want to shop at all, so I can still just get her whatever, she really doesn't care.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 14, 2018 21:44:52 GMT -5
So fed up with my life lately, have been taking control of the parts I can. The 5-4-3-2-1 system is still in place and DH even admitted it's been a positive thing. (This whole conversation led to a fight about who is doing how much around the house because of course he still thinks it's him.) In the last 2 weeks, the following changes have taken place: - I reorganized my closet, ordered and build shoe racks and purse racks hung hooks on the closet door so I can hang my clothes for the next day, hung hooks on the other wall for necklaces and hats, which has led to approximately 50% less clutter on the dresser top and to me actually hanging up my clothes at the end of the day instead of piling them on the bed. - I recaulked my shower and changed out the shower-head, which had been dripping. I went through the drawers in the bathroom and threw out all of the old half-used or never-used shampoo and crap that's been collecting there. Washed the 35 half-empty 3oz travel bottles that we just threw in that one drawer, so we can actually use them next time we have a trip. I installed a lighted makeup mirror that I received for christmas, which had been chilling in the corner of my bedroom because the installation was SUPPOSED to be part of the present, but since I didn't remind *someone* 32 times, it never happened. Whatever, did it myself, because I'm tired of having it not done. DH changed the waterproofing strip on the bottom of the shower door, so that no longer leaks. Threw out all of the old or unused products that have piled up in the shower. - Encouraged DH to sort and trash all of the crap that he let pile up on our back porch, so now every day I can walk the children to the garage and not have to explain to K why she can't put her fingers in a hydraulic jack. -Used goo-gone and about 3 hours of scrubbing to remove all of the baby-proofing strips or residue from said strips that remains on closets and doors. -Built a shoe-rack for by the backdoor so there is a place for shoes and boots through the winter. -Made minor strides in decluttering the worktable in the basement. -Instituted laundry on an as-needed basis throughout the week vs. an all-weekend project. -Dishes are now done daily. -The whole house has been dusted. -Both bathrooms have been cleaned weekly. -Amount of clutter and crap on living room and dining rooms floors has greatly decreased as kids put things away in bursts or before bed. -Downstairs has been swept and vaccuumed weekly. Upstairs has been swept and vacuumed once. -DH and B reorganized the tupperware basket so lids and containers are now separate. -All mail has been either shredded, filed or otherwise dealt with. -DH cleaned off kitchen counter and dining room table and we have worked to keep them clean daily.
For the kids: -B has helped me cook, emptied the dishwasher, packs/unpacks her own lunch, helps fold laundry, tidied the art table. -K helps put clothes away, takes things to the garbage, puts her plates/cups in the sink, puts her shoes away, has helped dust or wipe things down, and will generally "help" with other things under supervision.
Overall, this has been a net positive. It's a lot of work, but the framework of 5 little things up to 1 big thing a day helps me move away from all-or-nothing mindset that I can get into. My house is approximately 40% cleaner than it was at the start, and many of the things that really irritated me, I've taken care of. We've had time to tackle both bigger projects and also fun stuff with the kids on weekends.
Next weekend I've let everyone know that we're going to make a project of washing the walls and the baseboards. The weekend after that, we're going to clean out the garage. It's not glamorous, but it's making life more livable.
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oped
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Post by oped on Oct 14, 2018 21:49:40 GMT -5
So lucky we live relatively close to the largest thrift store in the country (or as my daughter says world because were else do they have so much extra stuff to donate...).
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 14, 2018 22:36:08 GMT -5
Speaking of fights... Sam_2.0 - you ok? Your FB posts are hilarious, but also seem like maybe not likely to be popular in your house. I worry. Seriously hilarious, though.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 15, 2018 9:43:11 GMT -5
Meh. I am not really OK. Tired and pissy and really not happy with DH. His anxiety is killing him - and its about to kill me too.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 15, 2018 9:50:25 GMT -5
I lost it on the kids this weekend. I have the housekeepers coming tomorrow morning and told them I needed them to work on their rooms and the basement. Everyone was completely agreeable until they actually had to do something and then everybody cried. They're good kids, but they are entitled kids and I have got to nip that in the bud. Yesterday I suggested we take 10 minute breaks every other hour or so to get things done which they thought was a good idea, but plans with our families jacked that up. I ended up cleaning E's room and starting on the basement. In good news I have a couple bags for the consignment store, a couple for goodwill, and got rid of a decent amount of trash. At dinner I told them I'd help this time, but after that we start the daily lists and they'll have to deal with the consequences if I have to clean their rooms again. Dh actually went through his pile in the bedroom which hasn't been done in months. It created 2 more loads of laundry but he's doing that on his own.
I think I finally have a system I can implement. I'm going to post daily and weekly lists for them and print up 10 block cards for each. It will be up to them to bring me the card each night for a sticker and then we'll determine what they can earn with each filled up card. I want them checking off the list but I don't think there will be an issue of them checking off stuff that isn't done...at least not yet. I'm hoping this helps in the house and also with the constant, brush your teeth, socks! shoes! phone, watch, backpacks-GO!!!
Gearing up for a trip to home office this week. I'm going to miss parent teacher conferences. We're paying friends to babysit the kids when dh goes to work, and I won't be home from the airport until almost 8pm that night. It'll be a lot of money for babysitting, plus the stress if my flights delayed. Most frustrating honestly is that I have a ton of stuff to do at home to prep for the month of never ending parties and none of it is stuff I can work on from out of state.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 15, 2018 9:51:17 GMT -5
Meh. I am not really OK. Tired and pissy and really not happy with DH. His anxiety is killing him - and its about to kill me too. Hugs Sam. That is a really tough spot to be in.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 15, 2018 9:57:39 GMT -5
Hugs to you too, Rae.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Oct 15, 2018 10:11:57 GMT -5
Hugs, Sam, Rae, and anyone else who needs them.
Bsb, yay for progress in your house and feeling and noticing the difference! You’ve given me some things to try at home, so thanks, as I’m generally just feeling overwhelmed with all the freaking stuff we have, and knowing that Christmas is going to make it all worse.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 15, 2018 10:13:38 GMT -5
Meh. I am not really OK. Tired and pissy and really not happy with DH. His anxiety is killing him - and its about to kill me too. This is why I worry. Is there anything you can do to put your oxygen mask on first here? Take a night actually off?
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 15, 2018 11:16:18 GMT -5
I have a potential business trip coming up in Dec. That may be the first "break" I get.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Oct 15, 2018 12:03:36 GMT -5
I have a potential business trip coming up in Dec. That may be the first "break" I get. If you ever need to run away from home for a bit, feel free to look me up. Also, if you're in town the Saturday after Thanksgiving, you are invited to my birthday bash. It's a big one. I haven't figured out all the details, but I will let you know as soon as I do.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 15, 2018 12:48:38 GMT -5
I buried myself in making mats this weekend. And I lined up 2 more classes. That makes 5 coming up within the next month and a half! Now I have some homework to do on that front to get ready. And I've had requests for another video - I asked DH to help me set that up and he told me to ask his brother because he was too busy to help me My kids are off thurs & fri. I am going to ask my mom if she can take them overnight Thurs. That may at least get me some time off.
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