The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

My husband just complained that we only have sex once per month. There is far more context to that conversation, but I cannot even fathom that he’s correct. Plus, if he is correct, its not all my fault. I think.

I’m baffled.
And slightly upset.


This has never even been a topic for us before.

I don’t even know where to go with this.

[zibazinski]

Mid life crisis looming? Well, put it on your calendar. I hated sex before bedtime. I was tired and always liked to shower after. So more time before finally sleep. I liked morning sex because I was rested and needed to shower anyway. The compromise was once a week at night, once a week in the morning and the third we called “catch as catch can” which could mean anything from a quickie on the bathroom counter or in the shower or wherever we could.

[azucena]

Sept 27, 2018 22:42:12 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

My husband just complained that we only have sex once per month. There is far more context to that conversation, but I cannot even fathom that he’s correct. Plus, if he is correct, its not all my fault. I think.

I’m baffled.
And slightly upset.


This has never even been a topic for us before.

I don’t even know where to go with this.

Chloe - you just opened a whole nother can of worms.  I would bet money that this same complaint is happening in the sam, pants, can't keep track who else has a husband currently in the doghouse.  It's definitely an undercurrent in my house again lately whereas Aug was much better.  Cannot for the life of me get my husband to understand that I absolutely need to feel emotionally connected (aka partnership) before it even occurs to me to crave Thai food. 

We are finally passed the baby and toddler years when I was totally touched out and we're currently in a highly emotional girls house where DD10 just had her first period last week and is uber stressed about school so is yelling mostly at me because I'm the one attempting to help her get back on track.  And yesterday while she was at vball practice, I only had DD6 and was driving to pick her up thinking it's going to be a nice afternoon for once.  Nope, she decided to scream at me all the way home because I never let her play with the neighbor friend.  Said friend is also adjusting to K and not even getting home until 5 and then dinner, bath, bedtime.  It's not like her mom is texting me for playdates and I'm turning them down.  They are playing on weekends.  DD6 already has awesome friends in K so she's getting play time at recess and during centers, but of course she doesn't see it that way.  Plus, we scheduled a long playdate this afternoon with her bff from preschool, but apparently that isn't enough either.  So I'm emotionally spent most nights now.

[Sam_2.0]

Cannot for the life of me get my husband to understand that I absolutely need to feel emotionally connected (aka partnership) before it even occurs to me to crave Thai food.

This. Exactly. Unfortunately, he has communicated very clearly that he needs the Thai food in order to feel the emotional connection. So we are at a stand-still. Because neither of us can give in. And the relationship is eroded a bit more each time.

[azucena]

Sept 28, 2018 8:40:03 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Cannot for the life of me get my husband to understand that I absolutely need to feel emotionally connected (aka partnership) before it even occurs to me to crave Thai food.

This. Exactly. Unfortunately, he has communicated very clearly that he needs the Thai food in order to feel the emotional connection. So we are at a stand-still. Because neither of us can give in. And the relationship is eroded a bit more each time.

Ugh.  I figured as much Sam, but I'm still sorry to hear that.


I'm not asking mine to feel the emotional connection.  I've very clearly stated that doing his share around the house (particularly without being asked) very much sets the table for Thai food which then should lead to him wanting to set the table more often and me being more emotionally connected which should put us in an upward spiral instead of the downward one that currently tends to play out.

[Sam_2.0]

I just would like a hug. Without also grabbing somewhere else. Just to snuggle up and watch a TV show without getting poked at. The only contact I get is sexual and its killing me. I withdraw more, and so does he. Even almost 2 years in counseling isn't helping us get past it. I've tried just forging ahead but the result is me emotionally disconnecting - I am sure that's true for many, but its also my default coping mechanism from sexual abuse in the past.

[Sam_2.0]

In other news, Aly has allergies. So she woke up with a snotty head and thought that meant she couldn't go to school. Which resulted in crying hysterically about possibly missing the fun party today. Made the snotty head worse and also gave her a tummy ache. I gave her a tums and sent her on her way, but I guess she got to crying again at school and was sent to the nurse. The nurse and I had a chat about it - I don't think she is sick, just worked up. So she was sent back to class with the understanding that if she cannot participate I will come to get her, but that means no reading party today.

If I have to go get her, I think I will declare the rest of the day vacation and chill out with her on the couch to watch silly movies and eat popcorn. That should make us both feel better

[azucena]

Sept 28, 2018 8:55:16 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

I just would like a hug. Without also grabbing somewhere else. Just to snuggle up and watch a TV show without getting poked at. The only contact I get is sexual and its killing me. I withdraw more, and so does he. Even almost 2 years in counseling isn't helping us get past it. I've tried just forging ahead but the result is me emotionally disconnecting - I am sure that's true for many, but its also my default coping mechanism from sexual abuse in the past.

I can totally relate to the bold.  DH says it's hard for him to react any other way when we are in a dry spell.  It can seem possible to overcome because we are wired so, so, so differently.  About the only thing I've found that works is to try to stay in a good cycle when we find it again.  Also, this may seem totally weird, but watching certain tv shows where couples are in those new exciting, passionate stages of dating that are so long gone for me, seems to put me in a better head space.  The most recent show for me was Younger - now I'm waiting for season 2 to start in Jan.


In other news, we are just under 50 days out from our disney cruise, and I'm about to crack like a nut and tell the kids.  We'd agreed to tell them around 30 days out so it's not quite so long for them to wait.  May have to reconsider that because it's becoming so, so hard as the planning becomes more defined.  What makes this even funnier is that we totally have a running family joke that I'm the only one who can keep a secret.  Tell DH something, he'll blab.  Tell DD10 something and she gets this strange look and can't hold it in.  Tell DD6 something and she will literally run from the room to tell someone else.

[cktc]

Sept 28, 2018 9:14:17 GMT -5 azucena said:

Sept 28, 2018 8:55:16 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

I just would like a hug. Without also grabbing somewhere else. Just to snuggle up and watch a TV show without getting poked at. The only contact I get is sexual and its killing me. I withdraw more, and so does he. Even almost 2 years in counseling isn't helping us get past it. I've tried just forging ahead but the result is me emotionally disconnecting - I am sure that's true for many, but its also my default coping mechanism from sexual abuse in the past.

I can totally relate to the bold.  DH says it's hard for him to react any other way when we are in a dry spell.  It can seem possible to overcome because we are wired so, so, so differently.  About the only thing I've found that works is to try to stay in a good cycle when we find it again.  Also, this may seem totally weird, but watching certain tv shows where couples are in those new exciting, passionate stages of dating that are so long gone for me, seems to put me in a better head space.  The most recent show for me was Younger - now I'm waiting for season 2 to start in Jan.


In other news, we are just under 50 days out from our disney cruise, and I'm about to crack like a nut and tell the kids.  We'd agreed to tell them around 30 days out so it's not quite so long for them to wait.  May have to reconsider that because it's becoming so, so hard as the planning becomes more defined.  What makes this even funnier is that we totally have a running family joke that I'm the only one who can keep a secret.  Tell DH something, he'll blab.  Tell DD10 something and she gets this strange look and can't hold it in.  Tell DD6 something and she will literally run from the room to tell someone else.

I'll keep that in mind.  Orange is the New Black and Great British Baking Show definitely didn't do it for me.

[Sam_2.0]

And we are home. I have so much work to do. And zero motivation. Today needs to be a couch day.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I get to bake with K tonight. And clean the house with dh. We're hosting his family tomorrow night.

[Wisconsin Beth]

K is starting to find her ingredients. She wants to make a moon shaped cake. I'm not opposed but I'm half smashed right now so this could be interesting.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Sept 28, 2018 19:20:21 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

K is starting to find her ingredients. She wants to make a moon shaped cake. I'm not opposed but I'm half smashed right now so this could be interesting.

How’d that go?

[andi9899]

Thing 2's birthday is tomorrow. Yesterday we went to lunch and then clothes shopping for her. It was good to get some 1-1 time with her. And she got some cute stuff.

[tcu2003]

Why oh why is my 2 year old fighting bedtime sleep?!? She goes down for naps fine, but come bedtime, she is just not having it. She’s generally not crying or fussing, but still taking an hour plus to fall asleep. Argh.

[zibazinski]

Sept 29, 2018 21:45:12 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

Why oh why is my 2 year old fighting bedtime sleep?!? She goes down for naps fine, but come bedtime, she is just not having it. She’s generally not crying or fussing, but still taking an hour plus to fall asleep. Argh.

As long as she stays in her bed so be it. Maybe she just needs to unwind. Do you do bath, story, lights out?

[muttleynfelix]

How do you block a poster while on the mobile site?

[Pants]

Sept 30, 2018 9:52:30 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

How do you block a poster while on the mobile site?

Click on their name, then on the right hand corner of their site there's a gear wheel, where one of the options is block poster.

ETA: Nevermind, I was on my
ipad assumed it was the same. Is not.

[andi9899]

Sept 30, 2018 9:59:05 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 30, 2018 9:52:30 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

How do you block a poster while on the mobile site?

Click on their name, then on the right hand corner of their site there's a gear wheel, where one of the options is block poster.

On the mobile site? I looked and I couldn't figure it out.

[Pants]

Sept 30, 2018 10:47:54 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 30, 2018 9:59:05 GMT -5 Pants said:

Click on their name, then on the right hand corner of their site there's a gear wheel, where one of the options is block poster.

On the mobile site? I looked and I couldn't figure it out.

Looks like I was wrong.

[regina24601]

Sept 30, 2018 9:52:30 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

How do you block a poster while on the mobile site?

I think you have to switch to the desktop site. If you're on an Android, click the three dots in a row in the top right then check the "switch to desktop site" box, then follow Pants's directions.

Sidebar: he's an asshole.

[andi9899]

Sept 30, 2018 11:20:07 GMT -5 regina24601 said:

Sept 30, 2018 9:52:30 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

How do you block a poster while on the mobile site?

I think you have to switch to the desktop site. If you're on an Android, click the three dots in a row in the top right then check the "switch to desktop site" box, then follow Pants's directions.

Sidebar: he's an asshole.

Now I have to go look and see if it's the same person I blocked.

[andi9899]

It's not.

[Pants]

Sept 30, 2018 11:20:07 GMT -5 regina24601 said:

Sept 30, 2018 9:52:30 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

How do you block a poster while on the mobile site?

I think you have to switch to the desktop site. If you're on an Android, click the three dots in a row in the top right then check the "switch to desktop site" box, then follow Pants's directions.

Sidebar: he's an asshole.

Are there dudes on this site we ARENT blocking rn?

[Deleted]

OMG. Ex 2.0 just texted me asking for Carrot's SS number. We'd talked like a year and a half ago about him maybe claiming him in 2018. Basically, he asked and I said we'd talk about it some other time, but I never really agreed. Well. I kind of held back filing this year until late worried he was going to bring it up. He never did so I filed. Well, apparently he STILL hasn't filed his taxes yet. He said "I know you think that's probably stupid, but since I'm going to be getting money back it doesn't really matter.".

Um...I wonder if his estimate of what he was getting back depended on him claiming Carrot?

I'm at work and am going back to the floor and ignore the text for awhile. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Sept 30, 2018 12:20:35 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

OMG. Ex 2.0 just texted me asking for Carrot's SS number. We'd talked like a year and a half ago about him maybe claiming him in 2018. Basically, he asked and I said we'd talk about it some other time, but I never really agreed. Well. I kind of held back filing this year until late worried he was going to bring it up. He never did so I filed. Well, apparently he STILL hasn't filed his taxes yet. He said "I know you think that's probably stupid, but since I'm going to be getting money back it doesn't really matter.".

Um...I wonder if his estimate of what he was getting back depended on him claiming Carrot?

I'm at work and am going back to the floor and ignore the text for awhile. 

His return will get kicked back immediately because the SSN has already been claimed.
Ask me how I know.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Sept 29, 2018 21:45:12 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

Why oh why is my 2 year old fighting bedtime sleep?!? She goes down for naps fine, but come bedtime, she is just not having it. She’s generally not crying or fussing, but still taking an hour plus to fall asleep. Argh.

Yeah, I have no advice for that. DD#1 was quite good at following bedtime routines.

Dd#2 started self-induced projectile vomiting to prevent me putting her to bed.

[Deleted]

Sept 30, 2018 12:29:44 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Sept 30, 2018 12:20:35 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

OMG. Ex 2.0 just texted me asking for Carrot's SS number. We'd talked like a year and a half ago about him maybe claiming him in 2018. Basically, he asked and I said we'd talk about it some other time, but I never really agreed. Well. I kind of held back filing this year until late worried he was going to bring it up. He never did so I filed. Well, apparently he STILL hasn't filed his taxes yet. He said "I know you think that's probably stupid, but since I'm going to be getting money back it doesn't really matter.".

Um...I wonder if his estimate of what he was getting back depended on him claiming Carrot?

I'm at work and am going back to the floor and ignore the text for awhile. 

His return will get kicked back immediately because the SSN has already been claimed.
Ask me how I know.

Yeah, I know he won't be able to claim him. I just am dreading the confrontation and I really don't want to give him the number at all in case he decides to try and beat me to the punch next year.  Seriously, how bad does he need the money if he waits until October to file? I freaking depend on every penny.

[Jaguar]

Sept 30, 2018 14:10:27 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Sept 30, 2018 12:29:44 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

His return will get kicked back immediately because the SSN has already been claimed.
Ask me how I know.

Yeah, I know he won't be able to claim him. I just am dreading the confrontation and I really don't want to give him the number at all in case he decides to try and beat me to the punch next year.  Seriously, how bad does he need the money if he waits until October to file? I freaking depend on every penny.

He doesn't need it, file as early as you can, like the day you receive your papers so you can file.

[Pants]

I tried to find the source of a leak in my shower and have had a disaster of a day featuring grout. Fucking grout.