The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[Pants]

Sept 26, 2018 9:58:55 GMT -5 cktc said:

Sept 25, 2018 21:34:10 GMT -5 Pants said:

Do you have a potty seat for him? May help him feel more secure on the toilet. And a stool so he can climb up and down himself and has somewhere to rest his feet. 

But you may may just be stuck with the little potty. They sell millions of the things annually for a reason. I know it's gross, I hate it. Sorry! 

We have a seat, which I put on and he inspects, but hasn't sat on yet, and he has a stool for each the toilet and sink. He gets up on the toilet himself for me to brush his teeth and then over to the sink to rinse and wash his hands and face before bed. I think it is just the deep open bowl that intimidates him. I should probably just suck it up and get a little potty on the floor, but he'll still need to get comfortable with toilets eventually.

Well, I mean... how badly do you want him to train? Which is the worse option in your mind - that he stays in diapers or that he uses a kid potty? I say let that be your guide. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Sept 25, 2018 22:56:18 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

On a whole different topic--one of DD's friends is going to stay here tonight. Her mother is a drunk, and it's become a mildly abusive relationship--mostly emotional abuse I think. The dad lives elsewhere but still locally. I feel like I should tell the dad his daughter is here. She's 16  and has a car that--I think--the dad paid for. She left her mom's house to come here. Sigh. 

thank you for providing a safe space for her.

[Pants]

Sept 26, 2018 7:52:49 GMT -5 azucena said:

Too lazy to go back and quote specific posts to respond to - you ladies talked a lot yesterday LOL.  I'll echo the strong sentiment for keeping it real and safe here.

Just like YM expects us to have a crystal ball to foresee all financial, health, and career obstacles so we can completely dodge them - sometimes too many people have that same view about marriage.

For context, DH and I began dating when we were 17.  His parents are disabled so he worked three jobs to help finance their household and also provide completely for himself including the car and insurance (with no insured adult driver in the house).  His home life wasn't great so he ended up spending a lot of time with my family - like there might not be food at all at his house because the money that he gave them went to cigarettes (then he got smart and started buying food directly).  During those times, he pitched in at my house without asking - often handwashing the dishes after meals and helping with other chores.  He was also so great with my younger siblings that we had a running joke about whether he was there to see me or my 5 yo brother.  All signs pointed to uber responsible, great partner/father material which was astounding for me to find given my own dad was totally detached.

I went away to college and he stayed for comm college.  We continued to date and did the long distance thing.  I purposefully chose a school that wasn't as close to test and see if we would make it.  He transferred to a 4 yr school and we got engaged as juniors.  Married after I graduated - he needed a 5th yr because academics aren't exactly his thing, but he pushed himself to do it because he knew that's what I expected.  6 months after we married, he developed UC, 6 months after that he had his first surgery.  We spent the next decade fighting this chronic illness with 17 surgeries in total - away from home, on our own with little direct family support as my parents were still raising my siblings and his parents were still a trainwreck and somehow made his illness about themselves.  This delayed my actuarial exams and babies - all of which we had a prior YM-approved plan for.  I stagnated in my job and fell way off the payscale but couldn't do anything about it because I knew we needed stable health insurance.

We moved back closer to our hometown 12 yrs ago, and he had surgeries 16 and 17 (an ostomy).  He was finally able to work part time at an after school program which he loved so he decided to go back to school and get an early childhood cert to be a preschool teacher.  His original degree was business so his original career path that we saw pre-marriage would have paid much more.  We had kids and I finished exams so there's a happy ending.

However, those experiences which we couldn't have planned for dramatically shaped us.  He knows I can carry the entire load because it's just my nature and he saw me do it for years.  And, like I said before, losing an entire decade of his fun 20s to disability (where going to the mailbox was typically the day's highlight) and literally almost dying at three times stunted his maturity in some ways or maybe shifted his perspective entirely.  Then, add in the typical gender stereotypes (like the comic that pants posted which resonates with so many of us because stereotypes are there for a reason) and you end up here with me feeling overwhelmed, burnt out and resentful.  

Another key to mention is that right as he got well, I jumped back into actuarial exams which meant working FT and studying an additional 400 hours in 4 month periods.  During that time, he basically took over daily and family life leaving me to focus because that was the best path fwd.  The payoff has been huge.  However, all that intense work on my part probably shattered what little resilience I had left and contributes to the burn out.

I had outpatient surgery yesterday so I was in bed and on a lot of drugs and apparently had a lot of things to say, lol. 

I also went internet shopping while on percocet, so... 

[cktc]

Sept 26, 2018 8:50:32 GMT -5 chapeau said:

I’m really frustrated and concerned (I should probably be more concerned, but I’m definitely more frustrated). Today is day 17 of first grade. It’s day 15 of “I don’t feel good.” She actually was sick one of those days and stayed home (she had a fever). But I’m done. Every single morning it’s the same thing. She’s not sick, because she makes an “amazing recovery” as soon as school is out.
I get it—I hated school, too. She won’t tell me what is wrong/going on, etc. I drive her to school because it’s in my way and because she gets picked up 45 minutes before school starts for a 10 minute ride. But every single day the battle is worse and she’s almost late for school. She had to go to the main entrance and get buzzed in on Monday she was so late, and I refused to walk with her. I felt bad, since the door is so heavy she can’t open it herself, but it only motivated her to be a minute earlier yesterday (she was only a minute late on Monday, but the doors lock automatically. We made it with about 10 seconds to spare yesterday and today.)
Any advice, suggestions, ideas? There is no tv in the morning, she’s going to bed before 8... she is a complete night owl, so I’m pretty sure she just lays there in the dark until she falls asleep, but she’s in bed anyway.

Hmm, no experience with this as a parent, but I definitely did this as a kid. I didn't get serious about attendance at school until junior high. My issues were kind of multi-faceted, so I don't know how much help this will be. My mom passed before I was two, so I had separation anxiety with my grandmother. I was ridiculously shy. We relocated when I was in the second grade and I had difficulty making new friends. I hated to use public restrooms so would hold it all day. I felt I had an education gap with writing from the moves, unlikely since my grades were fine, but I never believed I could write and it caused massive anxiety when any writing assignments were due. I have a muscular disorder and would sometimes physically have issues holding a pencil if I got too cold, or walking if I sat too long. The thing that finally made me get serious about going to school, watching my sister's 8th grade graduation ceremony, seeing everyone dressed up, all the speeches, the big awards for academics and perfect attendance, the fuss people made and how impressed everyone was with my sister. The quarterly honors assemblies did nothing for me, apparently it had to be a big to do haha.

[finnime]

azucena, I'm blown away by what you and your DH have already managed. You are a remarkable strong woman.

[cktc]

Sept 26, 2018 10:26:04 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 26, 2018 9:58:55 GMT -5 cktc said:

We have a seat, which I put on and he inspects, but hasn't sat on yet, and he has a stool for each the toilet and sink. He gets up on the toilet himself for me to brush his teeth and then over to the sink to rinse and wash his hands and face before bed. I think it is just the deep open bowl that intimidates him. I should probably just suck it up and get a little potty on the floor, but he'll still need to get comfortable with toilets eventually.

Well, I mean... how badly do you want him to train? Which is the worse option in your mind - that he stays in diapers or that he uses a kid potty? I say let that be your guide. 

Good point! My goal is to have him trained by 3 1/2 so he can start preschool next fall. He just peed out hid diaper on the couch this morning and cleaning that was a nightmare. Maybe I'll wait until slow season at work and then get serious about it.

[andi9899]

Sept 26, 2018 10:52:07 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 26, 2018 7:52:49 GMT -5 azucena said:

Too lazy to go back and quote specific posts to respond to - you ladies talked a lot yesterday LOL.  I'll echo the strong sentiment for keeping it real and safe here.

Just like YM expects us to have a crystal ball to foresee all financial, health, and career obstacles so we can completely dodge them - sometimes too many people have that same view about marriage.

For context, DH and I began dating when we were 17.  His parents are disabled so he worked three jobs to help finance their household and also provide completely for himself including the car and insurance (with no insured adult driver in the house).  His home life wasn't great so he ended up spending a lot of time with my family - like there might not be food at all at his house because the money that he gave them went to cigarettes (then he got smart and started buying food directly).  During those times, he pitched in at my house without asking - often handwashing the dishes after meals and helping with other chores.  He was also so great with my younger siblings that we had a running joke about whether he was there to see me or my 5 yo brother.  All signs pointed to uber responsible, great partner/father material which was astounding for me to find given my own dad was totally detached.

I went away to college and he stayed for comm college.  We continued to date and did the long distance thing.  I purposefully chose a school that wasn't as close to test and see if we would make it.  He transferred to a 4 yr school and we got engaged as juniors.  Married after I graduated - he needed a 5th yr because academics aren't exactly his thing, but he pushed himself to do it because he knew that's what I expected.  6 months after we married, he developed UC, 6 months after that he had his first surgery.  We spent the next decade fighting this chronic illness with 17 surgeries in total - away from home, on our own with little direct family support as my parents were still raising my siblings and his parents were still a trainwreck and somehow made his illness about themselves.  This delayed my actuarial exams and babies - all of which we had a prior YM-approved plan for.  I stagnated in my job and fell way off the payscale but couldn't do anything about it because I knew we needed stable health insurance.

We moved back closer to our hometown 12 yrs ago, and he had surgeries 16 and 17 (an ostomy).  He was finally able to work part time at an after school program which he loved so he decided to go back to school and get an early childhood cert to be a preschool teacher.  His original degree was business so his original career path that we saw pre-marriage would have paid much more.  We had kids and I finished exams so there's a happy ending.

However, those experiences which we couldn't have planned for dramatically shaped us.  He knows I can carry the entire load because it's just my nature and he saw me do it for years.  And, like I said before, losing an entire decade of his fun 20s to disability (where going to the mailbox was typically the day's highlight) and literally almost dying at three times stunted his maturity in some ways or maybe shifted his perspective entirely.  Then, add in the typical gender stereotypes (like the comic that pants posted which resonates with so many of us because stereotypes are there for a reason) and you end up here with me feeling overwhelmed, burnt out and resentful.  

Another key to mention is that right as he got well, I jumped back into actuarial exams which meant working FT and studying an additional 400 hours in 4 month periods.  During that time, he basically took over daily and family life leaving me to focus because that was the best path fwd.  The payoff has been huge.  However, all that intense work on my part probably shattered what little resilience I had left and contributes to the burn out.

I had outpatient surgery yesterday so I was in bed and on a lot of drugs and apparently had a lot of things to say, lol. 

I also went internet shopping while on percocet, so... 

Ha ha! That's better than drunk posting!

[azucena]

Sept 26, 2018 11:17:49 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 26, 2018 10:52:07 GMT -5 Pants said:

I had outpatient surgery yesterday so I was in bed and on a lot of drugs and apparently had a lot of things to say, lol. 

I also went internet shopping while on percocet, so... 

Ha ha! That's better than drunk posting!

DH coming around from anesthesia was my "favorite" part of the many surgeries.  One of his favorite things to repeat was something like this is my wife, have you met my wife, isn't she pretty, she's also awesome, did I tell you this is my wife, she takes good care of me, when can I eat, have you met my wife, she's taking me out to eat as soon as you let me go, I know I'm supposed to eat light, but I'm not gonna and you can't stop me because I hungry with a capital H, have you met my wife...

Fun times and my own little personal reward for worrying in the waiting room.

[mmhmm]

Sept 26, 2018 8:50:32 GMT -5 chapeau said:

I’m really frustrated and concerned (I should probably be more concerned, but I’m definitely more frustrated). Today is day 17 of first grade. It’s day 15 of “I don’t feel good.” She actually was sick one of those days and stayed home (she had a fever). But I’m done. Every single morning it’s the same thing. She’s not sick, because she makes an “amazing recovery” as soon as school is out.
I get it—I hated school, too. She won’t tell me what is wrong/going on, etc. I drive her to school because it’s in my way and because she gets picked up 45 minutes before school starts for a 10 minute ride. But every single day the battle is worse and she’s almost late for school. She had to go to the main entrance and get buzzed in on Monday she was so late, and I refused to walk with her. I felt bad, since the door is so heavy she can’t open it herself, but it only motivated her to be a minute earlier yesterday (she was only a minute late on Monday, but the doors lock automatically. We made it with about 10 seconds to spare yesterday and today.)
Any advice, suggestions, ideas? There is no tv in the morning, she’s going to bed before 8... she is a complete night owl, so I’m pretty sure she just lays there in the dark until she falls asleep, but she’s in bed anyway.

My son was like this when he started nursery school (I worked). He pitched a fit every morning because he didn't want to go and, if I did get him there, I was getting calls at work to come get him because he was sick. When he got home there was a miraculous recovery. I had a good friend who didn't work and didn't have kids. She offered to pick him up from the school the next time they called and bring him home with her. Sure enough, they called the next day and I told them who'd be picking him up and that it was okay he leave with her. She took him to her house (none of his toys there) and put him to bed after explaining that in Scotland (where she was from) sick children absolutely had to stay in bed so they didn't get more sick. No TV, no toys, just bedrest. Water and dry toast only so the "tummy" wouldn't hurt. It only took twice and he never got sick at school again. Got any tough friends? 

[azucena]

Sept 26, 2018 11:07:04 GMT -5 finnime said:

azucena , I'm blown away by what you and your DH have already managed. You are a remarkable strong woman.

Aw shucks and thank you.  It's certainly a crazy history.  I always comforted myself by looking at the bright side that it was my husband who was sick and not my child.  I don't know how mothers like pants keep it together.

And it helped that we figured every surgery had to be the last one which gave us hope eternal.  That was probably very naive of us in retrospect, but it kept us going.  Also I didn't necessarily realize that he was so close to death until my mom made an offhand comment a few years ago and I was like wait what?!  And she was like I always wondered if you truly knew how sick he was, but she never brought it up because it wouldn't have helped at all.  The last surgery was really only in 2010 (had to look it up) which seems like decades ago.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Lol. If you're sick enough to stay home from school, you're too sick to play outside or on an electronic device. You can watch something boring (that i pick out) on tv, nap or read.

[Deleted]

Sept 26, 2018 11:59:24 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Lol. If you're sick enough to stay home from school, you're too sick to play outside or on an electronic device. You can watch something boring (that i pick out) on tv, nap or read.

This is how it is at my house too.  If I have to call into work and lose OT, I'm going to limit the staying home just to stay home occurrences by making it as boring as possible.   It seems to have worked with my two. 

[raeoflyte]

Sept 26, 2018 8:50:32 GMT -5 chapeau said:

I’m really frustrated and concerned (I should probably be more concerned, but I’m definitely more frustrated). Today is day 17 of first grade. It’s day 15 of “I don’t feel good.” She actually was sick one of those days and stayed home (she had a fever). But I’m done. Every single morning it’s the same thing. She’s not sick, because she makes an “amazing recovery” as soon as school is out.
I get it—I hated school, too. She won’t tell me what is wrong/going on, etc. I drive her to school because it’s in my way and because she gets picked up 45 minutes before school starts for a 10 minute ride. But every single day the battle is worse and she’s almost late for school. She had to go to the main entrance and get buzzed in on Monday she was so late, and I refused to walk with her. I felt bad, since the door is so heavy she can’t open it herself, but it only motivated her to be a minute earlier yesterday (she was only a minute late on Monday, but the doors lock automatically. We made it with about 10 seconds to spare yesterday and today.)
Any advice, suggestions, ideas? There is no tv in the morning, she’s going to bed before 8... she is a complete night owl, so I’m pretty sure she just lays there in the dark until she falls asleep, but she’s in bed anyway.

I'd talk to her teacher and/or the school counselor probably sooner than later.  You're probably doing this already, but ask a bunch of questions like what would make her day better, best and worst parts of the day, who she sits by at lunch, what games she plays at recess.    

We've gone through this with C and I'm overly concerned because my sister has said her dread of school and stomach aches were the beginning of her depression and suicidal thoughts...she just didn't have the words to really explain how she felt.  My mom says sis' 1st grade teacher was awful and that sis was yelled at constantly just because she couldn't sit still and blames herself for not intervening more because of the years and years of issues she felt like stemmed from that experience. 

It got to the point last year where I did sit C down and talk about alternatives to going to public school and threw out homeschooling as an option.  He decided that school is better and didn't want to leave his friends.  We still get the "I hate school" comments, and Sunday night let down, but at least for now it's less than it was.  

He missed a lot of school in Kindergarten/first grade because we were still figuring out how to do sick day management.  Now I encourage him to go to school if he's just a little off and see how it goes reminding him he can always call us if he doesn't get better/gets worse.  We've said nothing but napping on sick days which also encourages going to school, but I've even said no reading in bed just to really get the point home.   Now when he's sick enough that there is no question about it I lighten that up a lot.  

ETA...I also have started verbalizing with the kids when and why I don't want to go to work and why I go anyway.  Not sure if it helps, but just trying to help them get my reasoning.  

[Lizard Queen]

Despite the recent issue over lunch, my sons' kindergarten teacher has been awesome with their adjustment to school. She teaches/taught them how to make friends, and imo, that makes all the difference in the world. ODS says that he's still friends with all the kids that were in that kindergarten class together. Both kids go to school enthusiastically. When ODS ran into issues with a bully last year, I told him that there were always other options for school, if he ever felt that he was completely miserable where he was at. (I had had a miserable time in elementary myself.) Both kids seem to have plenty of playmates so far.

I would have a talk with the teacher about helping the kid make friends with others. I think first grade is a tough adjustment though. Kindergarten is a lot more academic than it used to be, but 1st grade is still very different vibe/expectations.

[chapeau]

Sept 26, 2018 12:37:19 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Sept 26, 2018 11:59:24 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Lol. If you're sick enough to stay home from school, you're too sick to play outside or on an electronic device. You can watch something boring (that i pick out) on tv, nap or read.

This is how it is at my house too.  If I have to call into work and lose OT, I'm going to limit the staying home just to stay home occurrences by making it as boring as possible.   It seems to have worked with my two. 

When she's stuck home with me or ends up at my mom's, this is how it is. DH is totally the pushover parent about this, though, because TV is his favorite babysitter. So she has about a 30% chance of getting DH for at least part of the day (he works afternoons), so at least part of some sick days is not lying quietly in a darkened room -- yes, sometimes I do feel like I got my best parenting tricks from Little House on the Prairie. I usually only have to say the words and there's a miracle cure.

It's the daily whining and the crazy-person rush to school that is making me nuts--er. I haven't pointed out yet that I hate my job, and school is her job, so tough, but that gets harder every day. If it wasn't the busy season at work I'd totally turn the tables on her and refuse to get out of bed, whine that I don't want breakfast, I'm siiiiicck, etc. It probably wouldn't help, but it might make me feel better...

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Sept 26, 2018 6:29:03 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 25, 2018 22:56:18 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

On a whole different topic--one of DD's friends is going to stay here tonight. Her mother is a drunk, and it's become a mildly abusive relationship--mostly emotional abuse I think. The dad lives elsewhere but still locally. I feel like I should tell the dad his daughter is here. She's 16  and has a car that--I think--the dad paid for. She left her mom's house to come here. Sigh. 

Chloe, aren't you a mandatory reporter? Does that apply to a situation like this? 

If not, I would ask her if her dad knows where she is. stress that she's welcome to stay, but she should tell her father where she is unless she has a reason not to. 

Yes, I am, but I don’t see it as a reporting situation.

[raeoflyte]

Sept 25, 2018 23:34:42 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 25, 2018 12:18:33 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Anecdotally I feel like nature has a bigger impact than we know.  Dh wasn't raised or conditioned as a boy so it doesn't seem like he should be so typical in that regard.  I see it in my kids too...E takes initiative to learn and help with things around the house (and other peoples houses, and even the dojo when she has to stay an extra hour for my class--she asks Sensei if she can help with cleaning).  C on the other hand has to have specific instructions and be "made" to help.  They pick up on queues from us too, and maybe their internalizing our bad habits, but it definitely feels like personality differences.  

I get your point, but also - your DH grew up identifying with and emulating men, even though he wasn't raised as one. What were the men in his life doing? 

During his younger years, dad worked 2 jobs and was barely home.  Grandma lived with them too so mom and grandma (a lot on grandma) handled all the kid stuff.  By the time I met him, dad was very controlling and all adults cleaned and did yardwork.  I know dad controls and makes all of the money decisions.  There is a lot there that is concerning.  As a teen Dh pawned off a lot of his chores on his sister.  Sometimes willingly for something in exchange and other times just because his sister didn't want to fight with parents so would do his share of the kids chores instead of getting in trouble with him.  So he had a good idea that if I don't do it, someone else will which could be part of the issue.  Sister in law likes that she did so many chores because she feels like it prepared her for life.  She also married someone who obsessively cleans as much as she does so it doesn't appear to be an issue for her thankfully.  

[Pants]

Sept 26, 2018 13:43:23 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Sept 26, 2018 6:29:03 GMT -5 Pants said:

Chloe, aren't you a mandatory reporter? Does that apply to a situation like this? 

If not, I would ask her if her dad knows where she is. stress that she's welcome to stay, but she should tell her father where she is unless she has a reason not to. 

Yes, I am, but I don’t see it as a reporting situation.

Totally fair - just wondered if that entered into it. 

[andi9899]

Sept 26, 2018 13:54:19 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Sept 25, 2018 23:34:42 GMT -5 Pants said:

I get your point, but also - your DH grew up identifying with and emulating men, even though he wasn't raised as one. What were the men in his life doing? 

During his younger years, dad worked 2 jobs and was barely home.  Grandma lived with them too so mom and grandma (a lot on grandma) handled all the kid stuff.  By the time I met him, dad was very controlling and all adults cleaned and did yardwork.  I know dad controls and makes all of the money decisions.  There is a lot there that is concerning.  As a teen Dh pawned off a lot of his chores on his sister.  Sometimes willingly for something in exchange and other times just because his sister didn't want to fight with parents so would do his share of the kids chores instead of getting in trouble with him.  So he had a good idea that if I don't do it, someone else will which could be part of the issue.  Sister in law likes that she did so many chores because she feels like it prepared her for life.  She also married someone who obsessively cleans as much as she does so it doesn't appear to be an issue for her thankfully.  

Then send both of rhem over to obsessively clean my house. I have beer.

[raeoflyte]

No way.  They have to help with my house first! 

[Deleted]

Sept 26, 2018 11:51:39 GMT -5 azucena said:

Sept 26, 2018 11:17:49 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Ha ha! That's better than drunk posting!

DH coming around from anesthesia was my "favorite" part of the many surgeries.  One of his favorite things to repeat was something like this is my wife, have you met my wife, isn't she pretty, she's also awesome, did I tell you this is my wife, she takes good care of me, when can I eat, have you met my wife, she's taking me out to eat as soon as you let me go, I know I'm supposed to eat light, but I'm not gonna and you can't stop me because I hungry with a capital H, have you met my wife...

Fun times and my own little personal reward for worrying in the waiting room.

That is so cute! 

Reading what you've shared about what you two have been through together showed me that you have a lot of grit and compassion, and your word is good. That was a tough way to start a marriage, especially so young, but you hung in there with him and the 2 of you got through it together. It sounds like you are both very good people. I also understand your thoughts on the possible reasons why he is like he is now, even though I'm sure that doesn't help your current frustrations any.

Reading your story makes me really, really hope that you and he find a way to get through the current issues in your marriage too. Does he understand that although he was the one that was terribly ill for so long, it also took a huge toll on you? Anyway, you sound like an awesome woman and I'm rooting for you!

[azucena]

Yes in some ways he understands but only another long term caregiver really gets it. Just as only another chronically ill person gets him better.

I've done a lot of therapy and know that in some ways those experiences tie into my depression episodes and I even have some residual ptsd.

The past couple of days have been better. He offered to call in sick to catch up the house since this weekend will be crazy busy again.

Venting here has helped me process further and given me ideas of how to talk about this with in a more productive way. We've gone thru the love languages together a few years ago and it made a lot of sense to each of us. My primary language is acts of service so it's doubly hurtful when he doesn't pitch in. Explaining it that way may help him get it better.

His is gifts and unfortunately I can't remember the last time I bought him a random present. I havent even put much effort ibto the last few expected gifts either.

[Deleted]

Venting here has helped me process further and given me ideas of how to talk about this with in a more productive way.

In my opinion that statement proves that this safe space has great value! I'm sending positive vibes your way.💕

[chapeau]

Sept 26, 2018 15:28:53 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 26, 2018 13:54:19 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

During his younger years, dad worked 2 jobs and was barely home.  Grandma lived with them too so mom and grandma (a lot on grandma) handled all the kid stuff.  By the time I met him, dad was very controlling and all adults cleaned and did yardwork.  I know dad controls and makes all of the money decisions.  There is a lot there that is concerning.  As a teen Dh pawned off a lot of his chores on his sister.  Sometimes willingly for something in exchange and other times just because his sister didn't want to fight with parents so would do his share of the kids chores instead of getting in trouble with him.  So he had a good idea that if I don't do it, someone else will which could be part of the issue.  Sister in law likes that she did so many chores because she feels like it prepared her for life.  She also married someone who obsessively cleans as much as she does so it doesn't appear to be an issue for her thankfully.  

Then send both of rhem over to obsessively clean my house. I have beer.

Can they just drive east and obsessively clean for several of us? Win-win, right?

[Lizard Queen]

Sept 26, 2018 20:05:02 GMT -5 chapeau said:

Sept 26, 2018 15:28:53 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Then send both of rhem over to obsessively clean my house. I have beer.

Can they just drive east and obsessively clean for several of us? Win-win, right?

Um, North, too, tyvm! 😀

[raeoflyte]

Question...What to do about stinky kid feet/shoes?  I've tried wiping down the inside of the shoes with rubbing alcohol with no luck.  We have a regular washer so I'm hesitant to put them in there, but will probably do that next.  But bigger question is how to cut down on stinkiness before it gets that bad?  C's feet are super sweaty and omg smelly.  I swear he baths.  He's worn new shoes about 3 times and they're already turning.  

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Sept 26, 2018 23:14:17 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Question...What to do about stinky kid feet/shoes?  I've tried wiping down the inside of the shoes with rubbing alcohol with no luck.  We have a regular washer so I'm hesitant to put them in there, but will probably do that next.  But bigger question is how to cut down on stinkiness before it gets that bad?  C's feet are super sweaty and omg smelly.  I swear he baths.  He's worn new shoes about 3 times and they're already turning.  

Did you try baking soda on the insoles?

We put shoes in our front loader, but I can see not wanting to put shoes in with an agitator.

Sometimes, it really is the shoes and not the feet.

[cktc]

Sept 26, 2018 23:14:17 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Question...What to do about stinky kid feet/shoes?  I've tried wiping down the inside of the shoes with rubbing alcohol with no luck.  We have a regular washer so I'm hesitant to put them in there, but will probably do that next.  But bigger question is how to cut down on stinkiness before it gets that bad?  C's feet are super sweaty and omg smelly.  I swear he baths.  He's worn new shoes about 3 times and they're already turning.  

How many pairs does he have? I'd try not to wear shoes more than a day, give them a day or two to air out outside and just rotate.

[Works4me]

Try Clotrimazole cream, ie athlete's foot cream. I've found found it worked for me, xh, family, friends and even the kids of several friends of mine. Get the cheap stuff and slather it on then make sure not to reinfect. They also make spray. As a diabetic he's probably more susceptible to fungi so medicated powder can help. Also pure cotton socks and leather or can b.c. as shoes, no vinyl or synthetic as it makes sweating worse.

[alabamagal]

I’ve put stinky sneakers in agitated washing machine many times and never had a problem. Just tie laces so they don’t get stuck in agitator.

Other suggestions are great too for avoiding the problem. I also think that off brand sneakers were worse for the stink problem. But it is tough to spend big $ on sneakers that they outgrow so quickly.