The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[swamp]

Things I have abdicated total responsiblity for: 

Kids haircuts
Vacation planning. 
Home repairs.  

That's 50/50, right?  

[raeoflyte]

Today is C's 3 year "dia-versary".  It feels like forever ago and just yesterday at the same time.  C and I were talking about it on the way to school and what a rough day that was, but then about how rough his low yesterday afternoon was (he nearly lost consciousness and had well over 50 grams of sugar before his bg came back over 70).  My parting note to him was that life was rough and essentially would be like this forever.  I probably should have tried for a different spin, but it was a pretty upbeat conversation.  More of a look at everything we've dealt with and we're still plugging away.  

Dh found a 3 headed dragon for C and is on his way to pick it up now.  That's been our theme with diabetes.  Dh says its because C is a warrior and diabetes is his dragon to tame.  I say it's a good reminder that no matter how tame or managed it is, it will kill you if given the opportunity.  Also--not as gloom and doom as it sounds.  Just realistic.  

[Poptart]

Sept 22, 2018 20:09:59 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 21, 2018 16:03:11 GMT -5 Poptart said:

If I never get married or have children it will be due to this thread. Holy sh*t, you guys make all of it sound like a nightmare. 

Then stop reading it.

Its okay Andi, its not like I'm here for your opinion on marriage, after all you've only had baby daddies, right?

[gacpa]

No disrespect to your mother, but fuck that.

LOL.  It was sooo not what I wanted to hear either.  I guess the right answer is different for everybody.

[Pants]

Quoting Rae again:

I will say that this has been true for dh and I. He didn't do anything to help me until C was born, and when he was he took over C's room and owned laundry, cleaning, organizing, etc (but just in C's room). It was 100% more effort than he had ever given on a consistent basis and I was more angry with him about the lack of help than I had ever been before. Counseling did help he and I talk through this. Now he helps with the list for daily stuff, and sometimes when I ask for another project he gets it done quickly (he cleaned up the patio on Sunday, and I asked him to do that on Sunday). It still isn't enough for me, but a lot of that boils down to the fact that I still own all the tasks. I really want him to own 50% of stuff. But we started out with such a huge inequity that even his 100% more efforts aren't getting him to that 50%, so I'm frustrated that everything has fallen to me for decades, and he's frustrated that nothing he does is ever enough.


This too. When we were first together, I did pretty much everything because I was trying to impress. "Look at meeeeee, won't I make such a wonderful wife and mother?!?! I can juggle all the things, I can do it all! The next thing on my society-approved life plan says "Marriage", look how wonderful I am! I'm not only a Cool Girl (R), I make decent money and I'm smart and hahaha I have no problem taking care of everything and then blowing you at the end of the night! MARRY ME." 

Then we got married, and I graduated school and started making 80% of the income, and I still did almost everything, because we were newlyweds, and I was in luuuurve, and besides, it's not that big of a deal, right? 

And then I had a baby. And all of a sudden, it was a very, very big deal. I guess I secretly assumed at some point he would grow up and I could stop being his mommy, but it never happened. Between his mom being a stay-at-home, gender essentialist, conservative who always catered to his father and literally never expected her male children to do housework, and then he just lived with dudes in houses so filthy I wouldn't shower there without shoes, and then I was so in love and desperate to impress because I was feeling a ton of pressure to check *get married* off the life accomplishments list that I just took care of all of it. So I'm sure it was confusing as fuck for him when all of a sudden I expected him to shoulder actual responsibilities for our life together. 

Ive tried a million ways to talk about this and to get him to step up and to do housework. He resents me, openly at times, for shifting this balance. At the end of the day, the facts are this: 
1) I make 2/3 of our income. 
2) I manage all of our money and savings. I pay the bills. I manage the insurance and the health care. I even tell him what % every year to put in his 401k. 
     ETA: 2a) I supported him during his transition from bartender to office work, designed his career path and helped him get necessary certifications so that he now makes approx. 2x as much as he made when we met and has a career path that is viable long term. Forgot about that. 
3) I am responsible for the management of everything in our house. 
4) I am responsible for every part of child-rearing beyond immediate supervision of the children. (I.e., on evenings/weekends he does his fair share of playing and supervising and shuttling.) 
5) I am responsible for planning and majority of food prep. (He will go shopping if asked.) 
6) I am responsible for vet appointments, routine home maintenance planning and anything he takes on I must chase him until it's actually done.
7) He feels that he does more than he should have to around the house. 
8) He knows I am overwhelmed and burned out.

At the end of the day, what this amounts to is that he is more interested in maintaining the status quo than he is in making me happy. He complains frequently about how much he is expected to do, and how he does more than I do, despite decades of evidence to the contrary. 

Im done trying to raise this lazy ass man into an adult. I'm just done.

[raeoflyte]

Sept 25, 2018 13:27:57 GMT -5 Poptart said:

Sept 22, 2018 20:09:59 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Then stop reading it.

Its okay Andi, its not like I'm here for your opinion on marriage, after all you've only had baby daddies, right?

WTF?  This is so out of line.  You're obviously not here for information or to lend emotional support or kindness to anyone.  My only thought is that you come to this thread to make yourself feel better about your life choices or lack of them.  Have fun with that.  I can't imagine how hard it must be to need an anonymous message board to cut others down trying to find validation for yourself.    

[andi9899]

Sept 25, 2018 13:27:57 GMT -5 Poptart said:

Sept 22, 2018 20:09:59 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Then stop reading it.

Its okay Andi, its not like I'm here for your opinion on marriage, after all you've only had baby daddies, right?

Then don't make such a big deal over it? How is randomly popping in with "What a nightmare parenthood and/or marriage must be!" constructive or even necessary? If you don't like what's posted on this thread and it sounds like "a nightmare", then why bother reading it? It's as simple as that. It's common sense, is it not?

[steph08]

Sept 25, 2018 13:37:54 GMT -5 Pants said:

Quoting Rae again:

I will say that this has been true for dh and I. He didn't do anything to help me until C was born, and when he was he took over C's room and owned laundry, cleaning, organizing, etc (but just in C's room). It was 100% more effort than he had ever given on a consistent basis and I was more angry with him about the lack of help than I had ever been before. Counseling did help he and I talk through this. Now he helps with the list for daily stuff, and sometimes when I ask for another project he gets it done quickly (he cleaned up the patio on Sunday, and I asked him to do that on Sunday). It still isn't enough for me, but a lot of that boils down to the fact that I still own all the tasks. I really want him to own 50% of stuff. But we started out with such a huge inequity that even his 100% more efforts aren't getting him to that 50%, so I'm frustrated that everything has fallen to me for decades, and he's frustrated that nothing he does is ever enough.


This too. When we were first together, I did pretty much everything because I was trying to impress. "Look at meeeeee, won't I make such a wonderful wife and mother?!?! I can juggle all the things, I can do it all! The next thing on my society-approved life plan says "Marriage", look how wonderful I am! I'm not only a Cool Girl (R), I make decent money and I'm smart and hahaha I have no problem taking care of everything and then blowing you at the end of the night! MARRY ME." 

Then we got married, and I graduated school and started making 80% of the income, and I still did almost everything, because we were newlyweds, and I was in luuuurve, and besides, it's not that big of a deal, right? 

And then I had a baby. And all of a sudden, it was a very, very big deal. I guess I secretly assumed at some point he would grow up and I could stop being his mommy, but it never happened. Between his mom being a stay-at-home, gender essentialist, conservative who always catered to his father and literally never expected her male children to do housework, and then he just lived with dudes in houses so filthy I wouldn't shower there without shoes, and then I was so in love and desperate to impress because I was feeling a ton of pressure to check *get married* off the life accomplishments list that I just took care of all of it. So I'm sure it was confusing as fuck for him when all of a sudden I expected him to shoulder actual responsibilities for our life together. 

Ive tried a million ways to talk about this and to get him to step up and to do housework. He resents me, openly at times, for shifting this balance. At the end of the day, the facts are this: 
1) I make 2/3 of our income. 
2) I manage all of our money and savings. I pay the bills. I manage the insurance and the health care. I even tell him what % every year to put in his 401k. 
3) I am responsible for the management of everything in our house. 
4) I am responsible for every part of child-rearing beyond immediate supervision of the children. (I.e., on evenings/weekends he does his fair share of playing and supervising and shuttling.) 
5) I am responsible for planning and majority of food prep. (He will go shopping if asked.) 
6) I am responsible for vet appointments, routine home maintenance planning and anything he takes on I must chase him until it's actually done.
7) He feels that he does more than he should have to around the house. 
8) He knows I am overwhelmed and burned out.

At the end of the day, what this amounts to is that he is more interested in maintaining the status quo than he is in making me happy. He complains frequently about how much he is expected to do, and how he does more than I do, despite decades of evidence to the contrary. 

Im done trying to raise this lazy ass man into an adult. I'm just done.

Yep. 

My DH has his good and bad moments (like everyone), but in the really bad times, I often think how I would be less stressed if I had to do it all myself without him. So I add on some grass mowing and I call my dad or hire out if I want any home improvements done.

I also get the "Why don't you just ask?" because I F-ING SHOULDN'T HAVE TO ASK YOU LIVE HERE TOO AND CAN SEE THE DIRTY DISHES IN THE SINK AND LAUNDRY PILING UP SO JUST GD DO IT!!

I'm glad I'm not actually mad at my DH right now or this thread would really start eating at me and my life choices. But for now, I put on my blinders. 

[raeoflyte]

Sept 25, 2018 13:37:54 GMT -5 Pants said:

Quoting Rae again:

I will say that this has been true for dh and I. He didn't do anything to help me until C was born, and when he was he took over C's room and owned laundry, cleaning, organizing, etc (but just in C's room). It was 100% more effort than he had ever given on a consistent basis and I was more angry with him about the lack of help than I had ever been before. Counseling did help he and I talk through this. Now he helps with the list for daily stuff, and sometimes when I ask for another project he gets it done quickly (he cleaned up the patio on Sunday, and I asked him to do that on Sunday). It still isn't enough for me, but a lot of that boils down to the fact that I still own all the tasks. I really want him to own 50% of stuff. But we started out with such a huge inequity that even his 100% more efforts aren't getting him to that 50%, so I'm frustrated that everything has fallen to me for decades, and he's frustrated that nothing he does is ever enough.


This too. When we were first together, I did pretty much everything because I was trying to impress. "Look at meeeeee, won't I make such a wonderful wife and mother?!?! I can juggle all the things, I can do it all! The next thing on my society-approved life plan says "Marriage", look how wonderful I am! I'm not only a Cool Girl (R), I make decent money and I'm smart and hahaha I have no problem taking care of everything and then blowing you at the end of the night! MARRY ME." 

Then we got married, and I graduated school and started making 80% of the income, and I still did almost everything, because we were newlyweds, and I was in luuuurve, and besides, it's not that big of a deal, right? 

And then I had a baby. And all of a sudden, it was a very, very big deal. I guess I secretly assumed at some point he would grow up and I could stop being his mommy, but it never happened. Between his mom being a stay-at-home, gender essentialist, conservative who always catered to his father and literally never expected her male children to do housework, and then he just lived with dudes in houses so filthy I wouldn't shower there without shoes, and then I was so in love and desperate to impress because I was feeling a ton of pressure to check *get married* off the life accomplishments list that I just took care of all of it. So I'm sure it was confusing as fuck for him when all of a sudden I expected him to shoulder actual responsibilities for our life together. 

Ive tried a million ways to talk about this and to get him to step up and to do housework. He resents me, openly at times, for shifting this balance. At the end of the day, the facts are this: 
1) I make 2/3 of our income. 
2) I manage all of our money and savings. I pay the bills. I manage the insurance and the health care. I even tell him what % every year to put in his 401k. 
3) I am responsible for the management of everything in our house. 
4) I am responsible for every part of child-rearing beyond immediate supervision of the children. (I.e., on evenings/weekends he does his fair share of playing and supervising and shuttling.) 
5) I am responsible for planning and majority of food prep. (He will go shopping if asked.) 
6) I am responsible for vet appointments, routine home maintenance planning and anything he takes on I must chase him until it's actually done.
7) He feels that he does more than he should have to around the house. 
8) He knows I am overwhelmed and burned out.

At the end of the day, what this amounts to is that he is more interested in maintaining the status quo than he is in making me happy. He complains frequently about how much he is expected to do, and how he does more than I do, despite decades of evidence to the contrary. 

Im done trying to raise this lazy ass man into an adult. I'm just done.

The bolded parts are all completely f'd up.  I'm sorry. 

My dh is very honest about the inequities.  It pisses me off when he says he's sorry about such and such as if that's supposed to make up for it.  I'd rather he be honest with me and himself about what he's capable of instead of assuming that he'll be able to do everything in the perpetual land of tomorrow.  

[andi9899]

Sept 25, 2018 10:41:35 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Sept 25, 2018 10:29:46 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

That sucks. Do they eat lunch in their classrooms? Our school does volunteers at lunch and the volunteers help open things, get ketchup, tell the kids where to sit, etc. The lunchroom is really too small for the number of kids at the school and the shifts are really tight, so the volunteers are the main way the school helps the kids get through lunch in a timely manner.

No, half the grades have lunch in the gym at a time.  The teachers and some helpers help with lunches a bit and make sure kindergartners each eat one thing.  I can understand they're not wanting to do too much with many kids, but they don't have to make my kid feel bad for a mistake I unintentionally made.  How about making him feel like it was no big deal, and we can cope the curveball?

Yesterday my kid ate just his nutrigrain bar for lunch because I sent one of the remaining chicken dunks and she told him they weren't allowed.  That was just a snack to supplement if his regular lunch isn't enough.  

Did she refuse to let him eat what wasn't allowed? If so and she basically starved him, I'd go directly up there and give her and the principal a piece of my mind.

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2018 13:27:57 GMT -5 Poptart said:

Sept 22, 2018 20:09:59 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Then stop reading it.

Its okay Andi, its not like I'm here for your opinion on marriage, after all you've only had baby daddies, right?

Whoaaa!

[Lizard Queen]

Sept 25, 2018 13:50:02 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 25, 2018 10:41:35 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

No, half the grades have lunch in the gym at a time.  The teachers and some helpers help with lunches a bit and make sure kindergartners each eat one thing.  I can understand they're not wanting to do too much with many kids, but they don't have to make my kid feel bad for a mistake I unintentionally made.  How about making him feel like it was no big deal, and we can cope the curveball?

Yesterday my kid ate just his nutrigrain bar for lunch because I sent one of the remaining chicken dunks and she told him they weren't allowed.  That was just a snack to supplement if his regular lunch isn't enough.  

Did she refuse to let him eat what wasn't allowed? If so and she basically starved him, I'd go directly up there and give her and the principal a piece of my mind.

I'm sure she didn't, but she did tell him he wasn't allowed to bring those any more, which extremely sensitive kid that he is, he just put it back in his lunch box and didn't eat it.  That's why I need her to help him learn how to cope with things, not make things worse by making him feel bad about things that are 100% out of his control.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Sept 25, 2018 13:27:57 GMT -5 Poptart said:

Sept 22, 2018 20:09:59 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Then stop reading it.

Its okay Andi, its not like I'm here for your opinion on marriage, after all you've only had baby daddies, right?

Woah, there.

Andi is certainly capable of defending herself, but I’m going to say, that as someone whose first pregnancy and subsequent marriage was a disaster, please back off.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I’m just on my lunch break right now. I’ll type out my token system later tonight.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Also, the mental load is insane. My current DH is an actual real partner, so that’s nice. He still drives me nuts sometimes though. Today, I had to “make” him come to the insurance meeting with me so we could deal with the HSA and accident insurance stuff.
He’d prefer I just deal with it, so he threw a snotty moment when I explained to him they weren’t going to just let me change his policies and beneficiaries because I felt like. He had to actually be there. The horror.

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2018 13:27:57 GMT -5 Poptart said:

Sept 22, 2018 20:09:59 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Then stop reading it.

Its okay Andi, its not like I'm here for your opinion on marriage, after all you've only had baby daddies, right?

Meh.  Mine might as well have just been baby daddies.  It's not like getting that certificate magically transforms a relationship into something different.  It just complicates the breakup. 

[Lizard Queen]

My DH is great, and probably has more justification to be annoyed with me, but I still get tired of being the sole keeper of the schedule. Usually when I'm pms-ing.

[andi9899]

Thanks, ladies. Poptart doesn't get to me though. From what she's posted she's pretty immature and really doesn't know a lot of things about life. Most of the time I just chalk her BS up to a young girl who either wasn't raised right or her parents really did try hard, but she didn't listen. Either way, it's not worth the time.

[Pants]

Sept 25, 2018 13:49:48 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Sept 25, 2018 13:37:54 GMT -5 Pants said:

Quoting Rae again:

I will say that this has been true for dh and I. He didn't do anything to help me until C was born, and when he was he took over C's room and owned laundry, cleaning, organizing, etc (but just in C's room). It was 100% more effort than he had ever given on a consistent basis and I was more angry with him about the lack of help than I had ever been before. Counseling did help he and I talk through this. Now he helps with the list for daily stuff, and sometimes when I ask for another project he gets it done quickly (he cleaned up the patio on Sunday, and I asked him to do that on Sunday). It still isn't enough for me, but a lot of that boils down to the fact that I still own all the tasks. I really want him to own 50% of stuff. But we started out with such a huge inequity that even his 100% more efforts aren't getting him to that 50%, so I'm frustrated that everything has fallen to me for decades, and he's frustrated that nothing he does is ever enough.


This too. When we were first together, I did pretty much everything because I was trying to impress. "Look at meeeeee, won't I make such a wonderful wife and mother?!?! I can juggle all the things, I can do it all! The next thing on my society-approved life plan says "Marriage", look how wonderful I am! I'm not only a Cool Girl (R), I make decent money and I'm smart and hahaha I have no problem taking care of everything and then blowing you at the end of the night! MARRY ME." 

Then we got married, and I graduated school and started making 80% of the income, and I still did almost everything, because we were newlyweds, and I was in luuuurve, and besides, it's not that big of a deal, right? 

And then I had a baby. And all of a sudden, it was a very, very big deal. I guess I secretly assumed at some point he would grow up and I could stop being his mommy, but it never happened. Between his mom being a stay-at-home, gender essentialist, conservative who always catered to his father and literally never expected her male children to do housework, and then he just lived with dudes in houses so filthy I wouldn't shower there without shoes, and then I was so in love and desperate to impress because I was feeling a ton of pressure to check *get married* off the life accomplishments list that I just took care of all of it. So I'm sure it was confusing as fuck for him when all of a sudden I expected him to shoulder actual responsibilities for our life together. 

Ive tried a million ways to talk about this and to get him to step up and to do housework. He resents me, openly at times, for shifting this balance. At the end of the day, the facts are this: 
1) I make 2/3 of our income. 
2) I manage all of our money and savings. I pay the bills. I manage the insurance and the health care. I even tell him what % every year to put in his 401k. 
3) I am responsible for the management of everything in our house. 
4) I am responsible for every part of child-rearing beyond immediate supervision of the children. (I.e., on evenings/weekends he does his fair share of playing and supervising and shuttling.) 
5) I am responsible for planning and majority of food prep. (He will go shopping if asked.) 
6) I am responsible for vet appointments, routine home maintenance planning and anything he takes on I must chase him until it's actually done.
7) He feels that he does more than he should have to around the house. 
8) He knows I am overwhelmed and burned out.

At the end of the day, what this amounts to is that he is more interested in maintaining the status quo than he is in making me happy. He complains frequently about how much he is expected to do, and how he does more than I do, despite decades of evidence to the contrary. 

Im done trying to raise this lazy ass man into an adult. I'm just done.

The bolded parts are all completely f'd up.  I'm sorry. 

My dh is very honest about the inequities.  It pisses me off when he says he's sorry about such and such as if that's supposed to make up for it.  I'd rather he be honest with me and himself about what he's capable of instead of assuming that he'll be able to do everything in the perpetual land of tomorrow.  

Here's my most recent wake up call. 

At at the begging of 2018, I said, "Hey, I've been dealing with all the healthcare stuff for a decade, including B's illness. I'm really burned out, and since you carry the insurance, it's tough for me when they keep changing plans and providers and whatever because I have to play telephone with your benefits admin. I'm just worn out. Can you take over dealing with the medical bills and insurance admin?" 

He bitched about it, but acquiesced. 

And then, he did nothing. He didn't pay the bills. As far as I can tell, he didn't even oopen the bills. I'm now IN COLLECTIONS for medical bills that WE HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY IN A HSA SET ASIDE AND AVAILABLE BY USING A CARD. I trusted him to be taking care of it. And he just... didn't. So now I am not only in charge of that again, I'm having to deal with the aftermath which is 3x more work than just paying the damn bills in the first place.  

[swamp]

Sept 25, 2018 14:32:40 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 25, 2018 13:49:48 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

The bolded parts are all completely f'd up.  I'm sorry. 

My dh is very honest about the inequities.  It pisses me off when he says he's sorry about such and such as if that's supposed to make up for it.  I'd rather he be honest with me and himself about what he's capable of instead of assuming that he'll be able to do everything in the perpetual land of tomorrow.  

Here's my most recent wake up call. 

At at the begging of 2018, I said, "Hey, I've been dealing with all the healthcare stuff for a decade, including B's illness. I'm really burned out, and since you carry the insurance, it's tough for me when they keep changing plans and providers and whatever because I have to play telephone with your benefits admin. I'm just worn out. Can you take over dealing with the medical bills and insurance admin?" 

He bitched about it, but acquiesced. 

And then, he did nothing. He didn't pay the bills. As far as I can tell, he didn't even oopen the bills. I'm now IN COLLECTIONS for medical bills that WE HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY IN A HSA SET ASIDE AND AVAILABLE BY USING A CARD. I trusted him to be taking care of it. And he just... didn't. So now I am not only in charge of that again, I'm having to deal with the aftermath which is 3x more work than just paying the damn bills in the first place.  

Wow, he's lucky he's still alive. 

[Poptart]

Sept 25, 2018 14:29:06 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Thanks, ladies. @poptart doesn't get to me though. From what she's posted she's pretty immature and really doesn't know a lot of things about life. Most of the time I just chalk her BS up to a young girl who either wasn't raised right or her parents really did try hard, but she didn't listen. Either way, it's not worth the time.

Just as an FYI Andi, you may think whatever you please but I have managed to keep my sh*t together with very little help and support from any one. I've worked for the same company for 14 years, I've been in a long term relationship for five years, I helped my family financially in my 20's when my sister became seriously ill and my mom had to stop working. I supported my family after my mom died of cancer leaving behind two teenagers who I've managed to raise with zero financial help from any family members, I continue to help support them, this includes assisting my sister who continues to have significant health issues. At least in my opinion I've managed to do an okay job.

[gs11rmb]

Pants why do you stay?  He really seems to be adding nothing but stress and unhappiness to your life.  I have no doubt that there are some good points but do they really outweigh all of the bullshit he puts you through?  I should say that I don't advocate just walking out on a marriage.  All relationships have ups and downs and it's important to try hard to work through issues, particularly when children are involved.  At the same time, when you've tried and tried and tried I don't see any shame in deciding that a marriage is just not working and it's healthier for everyone involved to separate.

[andi9899]

Sept 25, 2018 14:43:07 GMT -5 Poptart said:

Sept 25, 2018 14:29:06 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Thanks, ladies. @poptart doesn't get to me though. From what she's posted she's pretty immature and really doesn't know a lot of things about life. Most of the time I just chalk her BS up to a young girl who either wasn't raised right or her parents really did try hard, but she didn't listen. Either way, it's not worth the time.

Just as an FYI Andi, you may think whatever you please but I have managed to keep my sh*t together with very little help and support from any one. I've worked for the same company for 14 years, I've been in a long term relationship for five years, I helped my family financially in my 20's when my sister became seriously ill and my mom had to stop working. I supported my family after my mom died of cancer leaving behind two teenagers who I've managed to raise with zero financial help from any family members, I continue to help support them, this includes assisting my sister who continues to have significant health issues. At least in my opinion I've managed to do an okay job.

How does that make you any different than anyone else on this thread other than the fact that you post random unnecessary comments? We all support ourselves and our families on this thread. While the stories are different from person to person, we can all relate to what the others are going through. We support each other here. We don't just post foolishness like you seem to. I would feel comfortable with any of the ladies on this thread giving me advice on a multitude of topics. There's really not any place for your negativity here.

[zibazinski]

Sept 25, 2018 13:27:57 GMT -5 Poptart said:

Sept 22, 2018 20:09:59 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Then stop reading it.

Its okay Andi, its not like I'm here for your opinion on marriage, after all you've only had baby daddies, right?

It's only a nightmare if you marry a boy and expect him to become a man. Look at his family and his upbringing. Look at how he lives and supports himself on his own. If he's living in his parents basement or living like a slob, he isn't going to magically grow up just because you married him. Some of these men need a huge wake up call but as long as any man is better than no man at all, this is what women will deal with. 

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2018 15:21:08 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Sept 25, 2018 13:27:57 GMT -5 Poptart said:

Its okay Andi, its not like I'm here for your opinion on marriage, after all you've only had baby daddies, right?

It's only a nightmare if you marry a boy and expect him to become a man. Look at his family and his upbringing. Look at how he lives and supports himself on his own. If he's living in his parents basement or living like a slob, he isn't going to magically grow up just because you married him. Some of these men need a huge wake up call but as long as any man is better than no man at all, this is what women will deal with. 

Well...I wouldn't say I was settling on "any man"...I was actually very picky.  I was just a tad bit too focused on the hot ones.

[zibazinski]

Sept 25, 2018 15:25:50 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Sept 25, 2018 15:21:08 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

It's only a nightmare if you marry a boy and expect him to become a man. Look at his family and his upbringing. Look at how he lives and supports himself on his own. If he's living in his parents basement or living like a slob, he isn't going to magically grow up just because you married him. Some of these men need a huge wake up call but as long as any man is better than no man at all, this is what women will deal with. 

Well...I wouldn't say I was settling on "any man".   I was just a tad bit too focused on the hot ones.

The smart women I knew fooled around with the hot ones but married the stable nerds with jobs!

[raeoflyte]

Sept 25, 2018 15:21:08 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Sept 25, 2018 13:27:57 GMT -5 Poptart said:

Its okay Andi, its not like I'm here for your opinion on marriage, after all you've only had baby daddies, right?

It's only a nightmare if you marry a boy and expect him to become a man. Look at his family and his upbringing. Look at how he lives and supports himself on his own. If he's living in his parents basement or living like a slob, he isn't going to magically grow up just because you married him. Some of these men need a huge wake up call but as long as any man is better than no man at all, this is what women will deal with. 

Yep.  That's all of us on this thread venting.  Just so happy that some poor fool agreed to marry us that we'll put up with anything.  

[muttleynfelix]

Come on guys this is supposed to be a supportive environment. Life is hard enough without your online support group piling it on.

[Poptart]

Sept 25, 2018 14:59:25 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 25, 2018 14:43:07 GMT -5 Poptart said:

Just as an FYI Andi, you may think whatever you please but I have managed to keep my sh*t together with very little help and support from any one. I've worked for the same company for 14 years, I've been in a long term relationship for five years, I helped my family financially in my 20's when my sister became seriously ill and my mom had to stop working. I supported my family after my mom died of cancer leaving behind two teenagers who I've managed to raise with zero financial help from any family members, I continue to help support them, this includes assisting my sister who continues to have significant health issues. At least in my opinion I've managed to do an okay job.

How does that make you any different than anyone else on this thread other than the fact that you post random unnecessary comments? We all support ourselves and our families on this thread. While the stories are different from person to person, we can all relate to what the others are going through. We support each other here. We don't just post foolishness like you seem to. I would feel comfortable with any of the ladies on this thread giving me advice on a multitude of topics. There's really not any place for your negativity here.

It does not, you were the one that questioned my maturity, and I'm telling you that as far as I'm concerned I'm doing ok. You did not have to reply to my previous post. I was not addressing you, but as someone who is on the verge of possibly getting married and already having serious conversations about having children this thread makes me fearful and angry at all the crap some of these ladies have to put up with. You took it upon yourself to be bitchy, and its not the first time you've been a jerk to me and I'm not wiling to take it, also you don't get to tell me what I read or reply to, sorry.

[andi9899]

Sept 25, 2018 15:25:50 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Sept 25, 2018 15:21:08 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

It's only a nightmare if you marry a boy and expect him to become a man. Look at his family and his upbringing. Look at how he lives and supports himself on his own. If he's living in his parents basement or living like a slob, he isn't going to magically grow up just because you married him. Some of these men need a huge wake up call but as long as any man is better than no man at all, this is what women will deal with. 

Well...I wouldn't say I was settling on "any man"...I was actually very picky.  I was just a tad bit too focused on the hot ones.

I was talking about this with my parents one day. I was saying how knowing how Baby Daddy is today, I wouldn't give him the time of day. But at the time, my teenage mind was focusing on the fact that he's hot. At this age, you have a way different set of criteria. Instead of being hot, I'd rather they were able to take care of themselves and what kind of relationship they have with family, etc.