The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[raeoflyte]

Sept 24, 2018 9:52:27 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Sept 24, 2018 9:40:05 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I'm working on a bribery system for the kids for screen time (and that they can trade it in for actual money if they'd rather once a week).  Cooking/baking for the family is definitely going to be on the list, but I really need to get cooking with both of them more.  We managed some breakfasts over the summer, but I haven't kept up on having the kids do those themselves since school started.    

A few years ago, I made some "time tokens" out of small wooden disks and paint.  We had abandoned them after a while, but I'm thinking of going back to them.  Just need to figure out what chores will earn how much time for the kids.  The kids like the novel idea (ODS doesn't really remember when we had first used them.)  DH and I are tired of the entitled attitude we're getting for computer time, plus the complete lack of picking up after themselves/arguments about doing things when all they want to do is play on their computer/tablet/video game.

That's where I'm at too.  The time amount is tough, but I think this is definitely C's currency and I'm over the fight about it.   

I had better luck this weekend when I asked the kids what a reasonable amount of screen time was.  Their ideas and mine didn't align, but at least we were talking about it and C felt like he had control over the outcome.  Next I need to work on music options for them that C doesn't need the chromebook for.  I know he can get most of the minecraft songs he likes on spotify so I should probably just set that up.  

[cktc]

Sept 24, 2018 9:25:34 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Sept 21, 2018 16:03:11 GMT -5 Poptart said:

If I never get married or have children it will be due to this thread. Holy sh*t, you guys make all of it sound like a nightmare. 

Remember this is our safe space to vent. So, you are heading 100% of the bad stuff and maybe 10% of the good.

For me, no it is not a nightmare. It isn't easy, but I wouldn't trade it for the peace of no kids or husband.

Yeah there is also the social tendency to commiserate. If someone is complaining about what an idiot her husband is being or a struggle she is having with her kids I don't want to come on here and talk about how awesome everything is going for me. The timing would just be inconsiderate. Maybe we need a family brag thread to share more of the good stuff. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Sept 24, 2018 9:48:23 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Getting shocked by the electric fence happens and generally isn't a big deal.  If the dog bite wounds weren't bad, I'd just watch them, but I would be concerned about cousin having viscous dogs if my kids were ever going over there again.  Next time he might not be so lucky as to get away with just a few minor punctures.  I love dogs, but I don't have much tolerance for ones that bite...or for people that don't take precautions with dogs that can't be trusted.  Not saying your cousin knew they were biters, but she does now, so they should at the very least be locked up when company is over. 

She said more training will be happening for the dogs.

She lives south of Madison. I don't see her often and if there's a next time, I'll make sure to go too.

[azucena]

We ended up being pretty busy yesterday and so it was easier just to ignore him a bit.  We are actually headed for a marriage retreat in a couple of weeks.  We had to each individually take a pretty long questionnaire for which we will get some kind of analyzed results so that may be interesting.  We tried counseling a few years ago but the counselor "wouldn't take sides" and say that his gaming is unhealthy so that led him to believe that it's just a typical hobby.

When the game nights started about 8 years ago (gosh has it been that long), DH (age 30) was attending community college to finish his early childhood certificate and ran into this group of typical 19-22 yos attending various programs.  So we are now closing in on 40 and and they are not quite 30 - none married, all still living at home.  The one whom I consider the most normal lives at home because his mom is disabled and his dad is severely depressed, so he's their caregiver.  A couple of them work part time jobs, a couple are still in school stringing along a few classes at a time.  Most of them are very socially awkward, at least one has severe anxiety, and another deals with depression.

It doesn't help that this party coincided with my funk about DD10's constant attitude which is directed mostly at me and I'm trying not to take personally but man is it draining.  DD6 just started K so we're having that typical rough adjustment where she's doing great there but melting down at home and her meltdowns can be epic because she's stubborn.

A huge part of my funk is feeling burnt out about continuing to do huge portions of household and childcare stuff while my career expectations have ratcheted way up these past couple of years while his have remained the same.  This even after having specific conversations with him about the last two promotions and how I'm more than willing to continue to be the breadwinner but I need him to take over more. 

I'm like Drama and can run, run, run until I can't and I've hit that wall.  It's hard not to notice how much is just left to me because it never occurs to him.  We're supposed to have a yard sale this weekend, but once again all of the gathering, sorting, and marking has been left to me.  And because of the party and another event he wanted us to attend as a family yesterday, we didn't even get through hardly any of our typical household chores so we are starting off the week behind.

And all the other pieces aside, it's the realization that he will likely never mature past this phase and also that he doesn't automatically consider me and the girls whereas it seems like I put all 3 of them way above myself - that's what is most hurtful.

[crazycat]

Sept 24, 2018 13:22:13 GMT -5 azucena said:

We ended up being pretty busy yesterday and so it was easier just to ignore him a bit.  We are actually headed for a marriage retreat in a couple of weeks.  We had to each individually take a pretty long questionnaire for which we will get some kind of analyzed results so that may be interesting.  We tried counseling a few years ago but the counselor "wouldn't take sides" and say that his gaming is unhealthy so that led him to believe that it's just a typical hobby.

When the game nights started about 8 years ago (gosh has it been that long), DH (age 30) was attending community college to finish his early childhood certificate and ran into this group of typical 19-22 yos attending various programs.  So we are noclosing in on 40 and and they are not quite 30 - none married, all still living at home.  The one whom I consider the most normal lives at home because his mom is disabled and his dad is severely depressed, so he's their caregiver.  A couple of them work part time jobs, a couple are still in school stringing along a few classes at a time.  Most of them are very socially awkward, at least one has severe anxiety, and another deals with depression.

It doesn't help that this party coincided with my funk about DD10's constant attitude which is directed mostly at me and I'm trying not to take personally but man is it draining.  DD6 just started K so we're having that typical rough adjustment where she's doing great there but melting down at home and her meltdowns can be epic because she's stubborn.

A huge part of my funk is feeling burnt out about continuing to do huge portions of household and childcare stuff while my career expectations have ratcheted way up these past couple of years while his have remained the same.  This even after having specific conversations with him about the last two promotions and how I'm more than willing to continue to be the breadwinner but I need him to take over more. 

I'm like Drama and can run, run, run until I can't and I've hit that wall.  It's hard not to notice how much is just left to me because it never occurs to him.  We're supposed to have a yard sale this weekend, but once again all of the gathering, sorting, and marking has been left to me.  And because of the party and another event he wanted us to attend as a family yesterday, we didn't even get through hardly any of our typical household chores so we are starting off the week behind.

And all the other pieces aside, it's the realization that he will likely never mature past this phase and also that he doesn't automatically consider me and the girls whereas it seems like I put all 3 of them way above myself - that's what is most hurtful.

I feel I put my husband and my two boys way above myself also . I think it’s a common thing for mothers/wives to do . I think we as wives and mothers need to make sure we take time for ourselves . Our husbands and children need to know how we feel as well . 
I know in my case , my dh and boys can be pretty clueless unless I actually say something . They tend to think mom can handle/do anything and everything . Which is good and bad of course . 

Hang in in there and make sure your dh knows how you feel . 😀

[zibazinski]

You need to get a mature counselor. It may be too late to expect your husband to grow up but nothing ventured

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

It's amazing how hard it is to find even a half way decent therapist.  I did like my psychiartrist but he's not a talk therapist.  If I am not going to do prescription medication anymore there is no point in seeing him.

Speaking of that I am almost completely back to normal. I can feel my left pinky again.   Still have some numbness in my face but it's not as bad as it was before.

[crazycat]

It is very hard to find a therapist / psychiatrist that works well with you . I am struggling right now and know I need to find a new one , but damn , it’s so time consuming and sometimes heartbreaking to actually find one that works for you . 

And if if you need one for yourself and partner , it can be especially hard . But it is so worth it . My dh and I have gone thru a few over the years and it has helped immensely. We both came from extremely dysfunctional families ( alcohol, drug , abuse , etc ) and really needed to learn how to communicate , interact , and work together without blaming , yelling , etc . 

Good luck to all 

[gacpa]

Azucena,

Hugs to you.  I grew up in a house where my mom did everything.  She worked outside the home, she raised us, and she took care of my dad and she took care of the house.  He "retired" at the ripe old age of 35.  I am serious when I tell you he spent most days sleeping.  He would get up to eat, take his meds and go back to bed.  He had a whole drawer in the kitchen dedicated to all the meds he took.  Back in those days, people did not divorce and my mom toughed it out.  We lived in a small town and appearances meant a great deal to her.  I would encourage you to take a good inventory of your relationship to him.  You don't have to live like this.  It is time for him to "grow up" and carry his fair share of the weight.  Marriage is a partnership and both partners have to contribute to the household in their own way.

I hope you get a chance to relax soon.

[azucena]

It's not all bad. When I write up a to do list, he usually works thru it. Right now though I'm so immersed in work that I can't spare the head space to do that. And the same things need to get done every week so should I really need to?

We've been thru rough patches like this before and neither of us view divorce as a real option.

I've asked him to set aside the gaming for 30 days before to see where that puts us, but he says it won't matter that I'll move on to something else. In reality I don't think he can cope without it...ie it's a real addiction.

The counselor was mid-50s and helpful in other ways but every time I brought up the gaming she responded with I'm not here to choose sides. To which I said, all I'm asking is that you listen to what I describe and tell us if it is healthy behavior.

Keep in mind that dh was chronically and often severely ill throughout our entire 20s so I can see (and my mom brought it up independently) that that experience probably stunted his emotional growth in some ways. I've also read about similar instances. Not an excuse, but definitely context.

He is way more on the carefree side anyway which is actually good to balance me out because I'm extremely type a. Being his caregiver for so long at those ages definitely shaped our relationship in good ways and bad.

[justme]

So, take this idea* with the grain that I've been seriously considering doing it for myself (less cuz I don't see what needs to be done than just choosing not to and lists tend to guilt me into action, if I don't lose it lol) and that it would take some time to set up and realize it ventures into areas one probably doesn't want to with a spouse, but he does well with lists so...

Get a white board and write a to do list on it in permanent marker. So since it's permanent marker only list the things that happen on a regular basis. Leave a dry erase marker next to it to cross out things after he's done.... and then just erase the line when it needs to be done again. He gets a to do list that he seems to respond to, you have a premade list that it only takes a swipe to make.

And maybe after some time he'll realize there's just some things that always need to be done. 😉

*no experience whether this will work

[Pants]

Sept 24, 2018 19:02:16 GMT -5 azucena said:

It's not all bad. When I write up a to do list, he usually works thru it. Right now though I'm so immersed in work that I can't spare the head space to do that. And the same things need to get done every week so should I really need to?

We've been thru rough patches like this before and neither of us view divorce as a real option.

I've asked him to set aside the gaming for 30 days before to see where that puts us, but he says it won't matter that I'll move on to something else. In reality I don't think he can cope without it...ie it's a real addiction.

The counselor was mid-50s and helpful in other ways but every time I brought up the gaming she responded with I'm not here to choose sides. To which I said, all I'm asking is that you listen to what I describe and tell us if it is healthy behavior.

Keep in mind that dh was chronically and often severely ill throughout our entire 20s so I can see (and my mom brought it up independently) that that experience probably stunted his emotional growth in some ways. I've also read about similar instances. Not an excuse, but definitely context.

He is way more on the carefree side anyway which is actually good to balance me out because I'm extremely type a. Being his caregiver for so long at those ages definitely shaped our relationship in good ways and bad.

Posting this here again because it seems relevant. 

www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

[raeoflyte]

Sept 24, 2018 19:11:25 GMT -5 justme said:

So, take this idea* with the grain that I've been seriously considering doing it for myself (less cuz I don't see what needs to be done than just choosing not to and lists tend to guilt me into action, if I don't lose it lol) and that it would take some time to set up and realize it ventures into areas one probably doesn't want to with a spouse, but he does well with lists so...

Get a white board and write a to do list on it in permanent marker. So since it's permanent marker only list the things that happen on a regular basis. Leave a dry erase marker next to it to cross out things after he's done.... and then just erase the line when it needs to be done again. He gets a to do list that he seems to respond to, you have a premade list that it only takes a swipe to make.

And maybe after some time he'll realize there's just some things that always need to be done. 😉

*no experience whether this will work

This is pretty much what I do.  The hall closet door keeps a whiteboard calendar for month, and a separate one for the week to keep track of activities.  Then I have my laminated morning, evening, and daily list on the door too.  It's time to make a new one, but I started it to help me in the mornings and also so that dh didn't have an excuse to start asking me what was done and not done when I was late for work and trying to get out of the house.  It's been about a year, and the weekly list still isn't done by or brought up by anyone but me, but the morning and evening routines are actually done on a regular basis and not just by me.  Dishes, laundry, beds made...So painfully simple and obvious, but the list has definitely helped.  

[azucena]

Sept 24, 2018 19:59:08 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Sept 24, 2018 19:11:25 GMT -5 justme said:

So, take this idea* with the grain that I've been seriously considering doing it for myself (less cuz I don't see what needs to be done than just choosing not to and lists tend to guilt me into action, if I don't lose it lol) and that it would take some time to set up and realize it ventures into areas one probably doesn't want to with a spouse, but he does well with lists so...

Get a white board and write a to do list on it in permanent marker. So since it's permanent marker only list the things that happen on a regular basis. Leave a dry erase marker next to it to cross out things after he's done.... and then just erase the line when it needs to be done again. He gets a to do list that he seems to respond to, you have a premade list that it only takes a swipe to make.

And maybe after some time he'll realize there's just some things that always need to be done. 😉

*no experience whether this will work

This is pretty much what I do.  The hall closet door keeps a whiteboard calendar for month, and a separate one for the week to keep track of activities.  Then I have my laminated morning, evening, and daily list on the door too.  It's time to make a new one, but I started it to help me in the mornings and also so that dh didn't have an excuse to start asking me what was done and not done when I was late for work and trying to get out of the house.  It's been about a year, and the weekly list still isn't done by or brought up by anyone but me, but the morning and evening routines are actually done on a regular basis and not just by me.  Dishes, laundry, beds made...So painfully simple and obvious, but the list has definitely helped.  

Ok, I totally need you to post those lists pretty pretty please. After our last round of this argument several months ago, dh suggested the list.

[azucena]

I had not seen that comic strip but that is what is totally going on inside my head. And more often than not when I ask dh what he's thinking about the serious answer is nothing.

Thinking I should take an hour and just literally brain everything from my household manager role.

I'd add a big one that the comic missed. Emotional barometer. These past few days when I've been livid, both girls are also out of sorts and dh has been short with them as well. I can't even have my own personal tantrum and hide in my room without causing more work for myself.

[taz157]

Sept 24, 2018 19:59:08 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Sept 24, 2018 19:11:25 GMT -5 justme said:

So, take this idea* with the grain that I've been seriously considering doing it for myself (less cuz I don't see what needs to be done than just choosing not to and lists tend to guilt me into action, if I don't lose it lol) and that it would take some time to set up and realize it ventures into areas one probably doesn't want to with a spouse, but he does well with lists so...

Get a white board and write a to do list on it in permanent marker. So since it's permanent marker only list the things that happen on a regular basis. Leave a dry erase marker next to it to cross out things after he's done.... and then just erase the line when it needs to be done again. He gets a to do list that he seems to respond to, you have a premade list that it only takes a swipe to make.

And maybe after some time he'll realize there's just some things that always need to be done. 😉

*no experience whether this will work

This is pretty much what I do.  The hall closet door keeps a whiteboard calendar for month, and a separate one for the week to keep track of activities.  Then I have my laminated morning, evening, and daily list on the door too.  It's time to make a new one, but I started it to help me in the mornings and also so that dh didn't have an excuse to start asking me what was done and not done when I was late for work and trying to get out of the house.  It's been about a year, and the weekly list still isn't done by or brought up by anyone but me, but the morning and evening routines are actually done on a regular basis and not just by me.  Dishes, laundry, beds made...So painfully simple and obvious, but the list has definitely helped.  

I’d second the posting of a picture of what you have.

[azucena]

We missed our family calendar mtg during sun lunch so DD10 asked to have it at dinner because it really helps her to lay out her portion of the weeks schedule too.

Tomorrow she has a volleyball game at 5. Dh asks should I leave work at 4 and meet you at the game and if so which school and what's the address. Dude, this is like the 5th game of the season and dd always has to be there 30 mins before so yes you drive straight there and you figure out where there is by opening your calendar and clicking on the event I sent you weeks ago with location populated so you can just click on it and use your phones gps.

Now, I better go figure out if her uniform is clean and kneepads, snack, and water are packed. Things she's supposed to do herself but she is already in bed.

[tcu2003]

Sept 24, 2018 19:48:24 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 24, 2018 19:02:16 GMT -5 azucena said:

It's not all bad. When I write up a to do list, he usually works thru it. Right now though I'm so immersed in work that I can't spare the head space to do that. And the same things need to get done every week so should I really need to?

We've been thru rough patches like this before and neither of us view divorce as a real option.

I've asked him to set aside the gaming for 30 days before to see where that puts us, but he says it won't matter that I'll move on to something else. In reality I don't think he can cope without it...ie it's a real addiction.

The counselor was mid-50s and helpful in other ways but every time I brought up the gaming she responded with I'm not here to choose sides. To which I said, all I'm asking is that you listen to what I describe and tell us if it is healthy behavior.

Keep in mind that dh was chronically and often severely ill throughout our entire 20s so I can see (and my mom brought it up independently) that that experience probably stunted his emotional growth in some ways. I've also read about similar instances. Not an excuse, but definitely context.

He is way more on the carefree side anyway which is actually good to balance me out because I'm extremely type a. Being his caregiver for so long at those ages definitely shaped our relationship in good ways and bad.

Posting this here again because it seems relevant. 

www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

Yep.

www.mother.ly/life/the-mental-load-falls-squarely-on-mothers-shouldersand-its-making-us-very-tired

www.businesswire.com/news/home/20171220005984/en/New-Research-Shows-“Mental-Load”-Real-Significantly

My husband is awesome at a lot of things, but not so much at household management (outside of typical “male” dominated things like lawn/yard and home repair type maintenance things). Every once in a while he’ll tell me he can do x, y or z cleanup/organizing task because he needs me to give input - nope, nope, nope. You’re a grown adult - you can go through the mail pile or stack of kids papers or whatever without me. If it’s truly questionable, make a small pile for me to go through, but I don’t need to look at every dang thing.

Also, rereading the cartoon reminded me I need to find a shared app that we can put the grocery/shopping list on. I hate that I’m the only one that keeps it.

[Pants]

Sept 24, 2018 20:08:28 GMT -5 azucena said:

I had not seen that comic strip but that is what is totally going on inside my head. And more often than not when I ask dh what he's thinking about the serious answer is nothing.

Thinking I should take an hour and just literally brain everything from my household manager role.

I'd add a big one that the comic missed. Emotional barometer. These past few days when I've been livid, both girls are also out of sorts and dh has been short with them as well. I can't even have my own personal tantrum and hide in my room without causing more work for myself.

Here's what I've noticed. I can brain till I'm blue in the face. I can yell and I can plead and nothing changes, and you wanna know why? 

BECAUSE THEY WANT IT THIS WAY. 

Right now, your DH gets to hang out with people with no responsibilities, not have to be the breadwinner, play his games, have you run everything, and when you try to equalize things all he has to do to get you off his back is get moody and make life even harder for you. He's abdicated being an adult in favor of being a child. 

Why the fuck would he want to change? 

[azucena]

Bsb - that's a probably completely true harsh lesson in reality right there.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Sept 24, 2018 10:01:46 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Sept 24, 2018 9:52:27 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

A few years ago, I made some "time tokens" out of small wooden disks and paint.  We had abandoned them after a while, but I'm thinking of going back to them.  Just need to figure out what chores will earn how much time for the kids.  The kids like the novel idea (ODS doesn't really remember when we had first used them.)  DH and I are tired of the entitled attitude we're getting for computer time, plus the complete lack of picking up after themselves/arguments about doing things when all they want to do is play on their computer/tablet/video game.

That's where I'm at too.  The time amount is tough, but I think this is definitely C's currency and I'm over the fight about it.   

I had better luck this weekend when I asked the kids what a reasonable amount of screen time was.  Their ideas and mine didn't align, but at least we were talking about it and C felt like he had control over the outcome.  Next I need to work on music options for them that C doesn't need the chromebook for.  I know he can get most of the minecraft songs he likes on spotify so I should probably just set that up.  

My tokens were made out of cardstock using a business card template on Microsoft Publisher. We called them swizzles. My system was/is pretty extensive, but I'll elaborate if anyone actually wants me to. It morphed as my kids matured. My goals were to teach my kids budgeting and that "fun" actually costs money. 

[taz157]

Sept 24, 2018 20:47:54 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Sept 24, 2018 10:01:46 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

That's where I'm at too.  The time amount is tough, but I think this is definitely C's currency and I'm over the fight about it.   

I had better luck this weekend when I asked the kids what a reasonable amount of screen time was.  Their ideas and mine didn't align, but at least we were talking about it and C felt like he had control over the outcome.  Next I need to work on music options for them that C doesn't need the chromebook for.  I know he can get most of the minecraft songs he likes on spotify so I should probably just set that up.  

My tokens were made out of cardstock using a business card template on Microsoft Publisher. We called them swizzles. My system was/is pretty extensive, but I'll elaborate if anyone actually wants me to. It morphed as my kids matured. My goals were to teach my kids budgeting and that "fun" actually costs money. 

I'm interested.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Sept 24, 2018 19:02:16 GMT -5 azucena said:

It's not all bad. When I write up a to do list, he usually works thru it. Right now though I'm so immersed in work that I can't spare the head space to do that. And the same things need to get done every week so should I really need to?

I have a BIL who is quite clear about who he is: He is not in charge. He cannot make decisions about what needs to be done. He has no problem with almost anyone (including me) giving him a list to complete. He'll complete it, and he'll do it well. He cannot create the list though. 



We've been thru rough patches like this before and neither of us view divorce as a real option.
At least you know that. I've had one marriage that wasn't clear about that philosophy and one that is clear about that philosophy. It's easier when both know what's on and off the table. 

I've asked him to set aside the gaming for 30 days before to see where that puts us, but he says it won't matter that I'll move on to something else. In reality I don't think he can cope without it...ie it's a real addiction.
??That you'll move on to being upset about something else or that he'll move onto being obsessed with something else?

The counselor was mid-50s and helpful in other ways but every time I brought up the gaming she responded with I'm not here to choose sides. To which I said, all I'm asking is that you listen to what I describe and tell us if it is healthy behavior.
I've never been in counseling, but it seems to me that's damned annoying. 

Keep in mind that dh was chronically and often severely ill throughout our entire 20s so I can see (and my mom brought it up independently) that that experience probably stunted his emotional growth in some ways. I've also read about similar instances. Not an excuse, but definitely context.
I would still believe that we are all capable of growth; if he (or you or me) wants to grow, he can. 

[azucena]

He thinks I will find something else to pick on him about.

[cktc]

Sept 24, 2018 20:08:28 GMT -5 azucena said:

I'd add a big one that the comic missed. Emotional barometer. These past few days when I've been livid, both girls are also out of sorts and dh has been short with them as well. I can't even have my own personal tantrum and hide in my room without causing more work for myself.

I absolutely hate that! My DH is always telling me not to bottle stuff, but when I get stressed or pissy, he does it right back and then I'm apologizing for being irritated that he sprayed water all over me, killed the whole bottle of wine or woke the baby, or, or. I don't care that it wasn't intentional, it's not an attack on your character. Just hear that I'm frustrated and apologize.

[zibazinski]

Sept 24, 2018 21:13:40 GMT -5 azucena said:

He thinks I will find something else to pick on him about.

That’s just an excuse for bad behavior. Both of you know this. Some of these boy men need to man up, get real jobs, and start contributing more than they take. Raising children is one thing. Raising a grown adult is another. Reality check. If you can’t support yourself then you better make sure your partner is happy with you.

[zibazinski]

Unless you want to be living in your mothers basement

[Lizard Queen]

In a clash with my son's kindergarten teacher.  DS is loathe to ever ask for help with anything.  So much so, that it is a real problem.  Instead he'll act out in a variety of maladaptive ways.  So please, for the love of God, if he ends up asking for help don't make him feel bad about it!  

I have had problems with him just not eating his lunch he brings with him to daycare, then being a wreck when I pick home up at the end of the day.  So far, 3+ weeks into school, the kid has gotten 2 hot lunches, and brought lunchables from home the rest of the time.  The first day, hot lunch was pancakes, which he loves.  He must not have eaten much of anything, as he was a wreck and he said he didn't like them.  Now that I think about, he probably had a hard time cutting pieces off.  So, except for mac and cheese day, he's done just fine with the lunchables I'd been sending...until the day I packed his brother a pizza lunchable.  I knew YDS had problems opening the sauce, and they were a mess anyway, so no way in hell I was sending one of those with him to school!  His teacher sent out an email banning lunchables (can she even freaking do that?), saying they're too hard for the kids to open and there's not enough microwaves for them to heat them up. Um, my kids never have wanted then heated up.  But, sure enough, the kids' lunches got switched somehow, and neither one was very happy about it.  SInce I have a stack of them in my fridge, I wanted to use the rest up.  Only yesterday, the kid brought his lunch home uneaten!  Just wonderful.     The one lunch I could count on with that kid.  I wrote a note.  She's not going to be happy, but making a mountain out of this molehill means he's less likely ever to come to you for help, lady, and I guarantee you're going to end up regretting that sometime, if you ever recognize what the problem really is, that is.  He'll get frustrated and shut down, or hide, or lash out, or keep going until he destroys something.

[taz157]

Heating up Lunchables?? My DD eats them sometimes and she’s never asked for them to heated up. Also, that just sounds gross, no matter which one it is. I’m sorry for you in regards to the kindergarten teacher. She doesn’t sound like she’s in the right class...