The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I cannot email or use my phone at work. Besides if I did that now I'm going to say divorce worthy stuff.

[gs11rmb]

Don't do it now!  Calm down and take time to think about what happened and what you want to say.  You're hurt and angry and that's not the best time to try and communicate.

[Sam_2.0]

Hugs, Drama. Sorry things have been so rough with the new job. I was really hoping this one would be a lot better for you.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Sept 21, 2018 8:47:27 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 21, 2018 5:04:32 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I'm mad at DH right now. I've spent 10 years supporting his various crises and I only get a month before he announces he's tired of listening to me complain all the time and I need to work on that because it's dragging the family down.

I'm so tired of being his rock and then when it's my turn apparently I got a fucking time limit.

I'm really struggling with this job. Had the door slammed in my face at my old job. There isn't anything else to apply for and yesterday was a total bust.

I know I suck to live with but he hasn't exactly been Mr stability. It really hurts to know that my support is never supposed to falter but his has an expiration date apparently.

The moment when you realize that what you thought was a partnership is really just about you being your husband's caretaker/manager/job coach/life coach/mommy is the fucking worst.

and it's really hard to come back from that moment.

[Pants]

Sept 21, 2018 9:08:23 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I cannot email or use my phone at work. Besides if I did that now I'm going to say divorce worthy stuff.

I'm sorry. I know you guys have had luck with counseling before, is that an option now? 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 21, 2018 9:46:29 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Sept 21, 2018 8:47:27 GMT -5 Pants said:

The moment when you realize that what you thought was a partnership is really just about you being your husband's caretaker/manager/job coach/life coach/mommy is the fucking worst.

and it's really hard to come back from that moment.

I've been there since 2015. Thought we had turned a corner then found out he relapsed. Which I ended up almost losing my job over.

Not once has he been there for me. He claims he has but it's either until he finds drama or apparently four weeks then I'm expected to be done.

But I wasn't supposed to take that personally. He is entitled to his feelings and I should be able to listen.

And he wonders why I stormed off this morning.

He should be on fucking bended knee promising me the world in return for all the shit I've put up with from him and holding our family together while doing. When is it MY turn to be a human rather than the savior of the universe?

[muttleynfelix]

Hugs Drama.

I wrote DH a letter when I had a lot to communicate and I knew that he would feel bad and want to apologize before I was done talking.

Yes it should absolute be a partnership and it isn't if you are the one always having to be the rock. Hugs.

[steph08]

Harper just said "But how do babies get in your belly?" 

She's 4. I told her to come talk to me when she's like 11. 

 

[swamp]

I just got an email from DS's school.  He is late ever morning.  It's not his fault.  He's ready to go on time.  DD is a serious dawdler and we have to wait for her every.single.day.  

I'm going to have to crack down on her. 

[tcu2003]

Sept 21, 2018 11:51:38 GMT -5 swamp said:

I just got an email from DS's school.  He is late ever morning.  It's not his fault.  He's ready to go on time.  DD is a serious dawdler and we have to wait for her every.single.day.  

I'm going to have to crack down on her. 

This may not be an option, but can you leave without her? Or go get her later so your son is on time and she is late? Make her ride the bus or bike?

[swamp]

Sept 21, 2018 13:23:28 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

Sept 21, 2018 11:51:38 GMT -5 swamp said:

I just got an email from DS's school.  He is late ever morning.  It's not his fault.  He's ready to go on time.  DD is a serious dawdler and we have to wait for her every.single.day.  

I'm going to have to crack down on her. 

This may not be an option, but can you leave without her? Or go get her later so your son is on time and she is late? Make her ride the bus or bike?

I live 10 miles out of town, and no bus.    So she stays home alone all day (she's 10 and would freak the fuck out) or we wait. 

If I went back to get her, then she would be late.  And I would be late. 

[Pants]

Sept 21, 2018 13:25:40 GMT -5 swamp said:

Sept 21, 2018 13:23:28 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

This may not be an option, but can you leave without her? Or go get her later so your son is on time and she is late? Make her ride the bus or bike?

I live 10 miles out of town, and no bus.    So she stays home alone all day (she's 10 and would freak the fuck out) or we wait. 

If I went back to get her, then she would be late.  And I would be late. 

Make her ride her bike. I've been itching to do it to B, but she's only 6 and the school "doesn't accept bike riders" which - what the fuck? 

[swamp]

Sept 21, 2018 14:18:20 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 21, 2018 13:25:40 GMT -5 swamp said:

I live 10 miles out of town, and no bus.    So she stays home alone all day (she's 10 and would freak the fuck out) or we wait. 

If I went back to get her, then she would be late.  And I would be late. 

Make her ride her bike. I've been itching to do it to B, but she's only 6 and the school "doesn't accept bike riders" which - what the fuck? 

I'd love to.    But it's a pretty major highway with a lot of truck traffic.   I get nervous biking on it. She's lose her shit. 

And WTF on the bike riders?  

[zibazinski]

Finish getting dressed in car

[Deleted]

Sept 21, 2018 14:18:20 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 21, 2018 13:25:40 GMT -5 swamp said:

I live 10 miles out of town, and no bus.    So she stays home alone all day (she's 10 and would freak the fuck out) or we wait. 

If I went back to get her, then she would be late.  And I would be late. 

Make her ride her bike. I've been itching to do it to B, but she's only 6 and the school "doesn't accept bike riders" which - what the fuck? 

Doesn't accept bike riders?  WTH?  Do they just not have bike racks or something?   I can't imagine stipulating how kids get to school! 

[crazycat]

Sept 21, 2018 8:47:27 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 21, 2018 5:04:32 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I'm mad at DH right now. I've spent 10 years supporting his various crises and I only get a month before he announces he's tired of listening to me complain all the time and I need to work on that because it's dragging the family down.

I'm so tired of being his rock and then when it's my turn apparently I got a fucking time limit.

I'm really struggling with this job. Had the door slammed in my face at my old job. There isn't anything else to apply for and yesterday was a total bust.

I know I suck to live with but he hasn't exactly been Mr stability. It really hurts to know that my support is never supposed to falter but his has an expiration date apparently.

The moment when you realize that what you thought was a partnership is really just about you being your husband's caretaker/manager/job coach/life coach/mommy is the fucking worst.

I feel your pain . We’ve been married 30 years and it’s been a crazy wild ride . Both of us grew up in extremely dysfunctional families and had to learn how to communicate with each other . Of course , this was after going through infidelity, miscarriages, and other family drama . 
Therapy and counseling can work wonders . 

Still , sometimes , I just have to sit him down and say , okay , don’t say anything , just listen to what I have/need to say . I’m not judging you but I need to get these feelings , issues out . 

And yes , I do tell my husband sometimes still - I am not your mother or our maid ! Get your shit together ! 

Good luck , marriage is tough and takes hard work . It will work out as long as both parties want to be together and are willing to work for it 

[andi9899]

Sept 21, 2018 13:25:40 GMT -5 swamp said:

Sept 21, 2018 13:23:28 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

This may not be an option, but can you leave without her? Or go get her later so your son is on time and she is late? Make her ride the bus or bike?

I live 10 miles out of town, and no bus.    So she stays home alone all day (she's 10 and would freak the fuck out) or we wait. 

If I went back to get her, then she would be late.  And I would be late. 

Can you set a specific time to be out the door as is? Maybe having to go to school in her PJs a couple of times will do the trick.

[Jaguar]

Swamp can you tell DD that her serious dawdling will cost her extra chores after school ?

[Lizard Queen]

I used to be very quiet, and patient.  Motherhood has turned me into a drill sergeant, but at least we're on time!  

[Jaguar]

My nephew was a serious dawdler and I was always early. He drove me fucking nuts when he lived with us. His mother pampered him like nobody's business, and well be responsible just forgetaboutit.


He's the one I bitch about in The Anonymous Note thread on EE.

[raeoflyte]

Is it an age thing on the bike?  Technically kids have to be in 3rd grade at our school to ride their bikes to school, but that is also the grade that they can walk home by themselves.  I think there are kids who ride bikes with their parents to school in younger grades.  

[raeoflyte]

I try to make mornings as peaceful as possible, which means doing more and more stuff the night before.  Bags checked and packed, socks and shoes laid out all all by the front door.  Water bottles in the fridge ready to grab, C's watch, phone, spibelt charging and laid out.  I haven't managed to make lunches the night before, but we do go through the weeks menu so I know what days we're doing school lunch and what they want in packed lunches.  

C hadn't laid his backpack out last night so when he was doing that this morning (on a very not calm, not great morning) he remembered he had homework last night that he forgot about.  Poor kid was so upset about it though that he started crying.  Dh really wants the teacher to tell us when there is homework, but C was the one who said he has remember it and I think that's just the theme of 4th grade.  

It's still a huge work in progress, but it's so interesting what I think I'm communicating, vs. what the kids are hearing. We spent a few days of laying out backpacks, but still scrambling in the morning to get needed items and it wasn't until we were walking to school and I was trying to clarify that the mad dash to get your library books and playbook are what I wanted the night before that either of them kind of got it.  Dh always says he's going to help me more in the mornings but 20+ years has taught me that he is not capable of getting up a moment before he has to be out the door.  I wish I could get him on board with helping out the night before, but he's sure he's going to change and tomorrow is the day...always.  

[Poptart]

If I never get married or have children it will be due to this thread. Holy sh*t, you guys make all of it sound like a nightmare. 

[Chocolate Lover]

No one needs to vent about the good days or advice on how to handle those.

[Pants]

Sept 21, 2018 16:03:11 GMT -5 Poptart said:

If I never get married or have children it will be due to this thread. Holy sh*t, you guys make all of it sound like a nightmare. 

Then my work here is done.

[cktc]

Sept 21, 2018 16:03:11 GMT -5 Poptart said:

If I never get married or have children it will be due to this thread. Holy sh*t, you guys make all of it sound like a nightmare. 

My 6 month old just woke up from her nap. I said your sister is up and turned off the monitor. My 2 year old sprang off my lap, said "Bear Bear is coming" and ran to the room to hold her hand through the crib rails. Heart exploded.

[justme]

Sept 21, 2018 16:44:12 GMT -5 cktc said:

Sept 21, 2018 16:03:11 GMT -5 Poptart said:

If I never get married or have children it will be due to this thread. Holy sh*t, you guys make all of it sound like a nightmare. 

My 6 month old just woke up from her nap. I said your sister is up and turned off the monitor. My 2 year old sprang off my lap, said "Bear Bear is coming" and ran to the room to hold her hand through the crib rails. Heart exploded.

Yea, but I can get that when my niece butchers my name in the toddlerist of ways or I'm told she's demanding to see pictures of me and not have to deal with the diapers. 😜

[taz157]

Sept 21, 2018 16:11:19 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

No one needs to vent about the good days or advice on how to handle those.

Definitely Yeah that!!!! 😁

Keep in mind, I still have days that I want to kill DH but I weigh the good with the bad. Good still wins. Also, we have a pretty cool DD too so that helps.

[azucena]

Sanity check...

I have the husband who hosts weekly game nights. Last week he said one of the group has a birthday coming up and doesn't have the room to host a party at their parents house (yes she still lives at home) so she asked if she could have the party at our house since it's mostly gaming people. I thought it was a weird request but agreed. Dumb me didn't follow thru with party sat night in lieu of game night sun. This morning I was extra irritated that this party meant husband was downstairs cleaning the game area instead of helping with our typical sat household chores. Then we spent most of the day at vball tournament which also put us behind. We got home and the friend started decorating for the party. Then I overheard something about hiding gaming figures throughout the basement for people to find as a party game. That feels weird to me like they are going to be going thru our stuff to find these little characters. Down there is a living room space that they typically play in, a bathroom, a workshop, our office, laundry room, guest bedroom, and several storage areas and closets. Of course according to husband, I'm a buzz kill and overreacting. What say you?

[zibazinski]

Sept 22, 2018 16:46:09 GMT -5 azucena said:

Sanity check...

I have the husband who hosts weekly game nights. Last week he said one of the group has a birthday coming up and doesn't have the room to host a party at their parents house (yes she still lives at home) so she asked if she could have the party at our house since it's mostly gaming people. I thought it was a weird request but agreed. Dumb me didn't follow thru with party sat night in lieu of game night sun. This morning I was extra irritated that this party meant husband was downstairs cleaning the game area instead of helping with our typical sat household chores. Then we spent most of the day at vball tournament which also put us behind. We got home and the friend started decorating for the party. Then I overheard something about hiding gaming figures throughout the basement for people to find as a party game. That feels weird to me like they are going to be going thru our stuff to find these little characters. Down there is a living room space that they typically play in, a bathroom, a workshop, our office, laundry room, guest bedroom, and several storage areas and closets. Of course according to husband, I'm a buzz kill and overreacting. What say you?

Unfortunately you missed the opportunity to say NO to Sunday but you probably would have gotten attitude anyway.