The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[steph08]

Turns out, he doesn't care if I go away "all the time." He was mad because I treat him like "crap" because on Thursday I yelled at him in front of the kids for pushing Harper and told him that is not okay.

[TheHaitian]

Quick fly by post..

I don't know what happened,  it is like something happened or my daughter woke up one morning and the light switch went on. My beautiful angel that was initially shy, reserved and more about observing has morphed into this little girl that is saying hello and bye to total strangers, going up to strangers and saying "Hi 5" , actually jumping on this old man at the airport and seating on his lap, walking up to other little kids she meets for the first time saying hi and trying to hold their hands.

But that also came with some cons, she has find her voice. SHE IS LOUD! The whole inside voice is an unknown concept to her and while cute at times, total awkward other times because she is starting to use more and more words as the days passes by. I fully see her speaking non stop by the time she is 2 (20 months now). The worst are the tantrums, her constantly testing boundaries and not listening... it is like she is trying to see how far she can pushes are buttons. But back to the tantrums, they happen anywhere, anytime, she just doesn't care. So yes we are those parents with the kid crying her lungs out and everyone is looking at us with dagger eyes except for other parents that have been there done that. It seems tired, hungry, frustrated or anything she cannot express... here comes the tantrums!

The good : I cannot get enough of "Je t'aime Dada" or "I luv you Dada" and now she switches between "dada" and "Daddy", "mama" and "manmie" which kinda annoys my wife right now (a little) because she prefers "mama" which is closer to French "maman". But Lord she is so much more vocal, using more and more word, we have to be careful what we say around her because she repeats EVERYTHING... and I mean EVERYTHING! and I admire her trying to gain more independence and wanting to do more on her own... yet still wanting to be our baby

My baby is not such a baby anymore and it happened so fast. Just the past 10 days or so with her is like every day she was changing and growing. And while she cannot speak in full sentences yet, being able to say the words to indicate what she wants or is saying is a life saver to me (my wife always had the gift to understand her gibberish before and translate for me so nothing changed much for her), and you would not know it till she can say : Water, Hungry, want chicken, TV, mickey, dada, hot, all done, I want this, UP, again (to name a few lol) makes my day easier.

Hope everyone is doing well and everything is ok.

[Pants]

Sept 17, 2018 18:52:27 GMT -5 steph08 said:

Turns out, he doesn't care if I go away "all the time." He was mad because I treat him like "crap" because on Thursday I yelled at him in front of the kids for pushing Harper and told him that is not okay.

He... pushed your 3yo? 

[NastyWoman]

Sept 17, 2018 19:16:21 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 17, 2018 18:52:27 GMT -5 steph08 said:

Turns out, he doesn't care if I go away "all the time." He was mad because I treat him like "crap" because on Thursday I yelled at him in front of the kids for pushing Harper and told him that is not okay.

He... pushed your 3yo? 

And he is mad at YOU? The guy should thank his stars that is all you did and that he is still alive...

[steph08]

Well - she's 4 and he semi-pushed her because she sat on her sister and was hurting her. (I'm not defending him - but he didn't hurt her at all and never would. And if he did, he'd be dead. Dead dead.) 

But I still told him in on uncertain terms that it was not okay and that's not what we teach our children.   

He's mad because we have a 2 and 4 year old and he's the one getting reprimanded for acting like a child. 


And I'm mad at him because I spent the weekend with my BFF and her husband who are lovey-dovey (not in an overbearing way, but they say "I love you" when they hang up the phone, hug/kiss when leaving, etc.) and I came home from 1.5 days away and haven't gotten so much as a high-five. So that's why I'm complaining about him. But I should try to stop now. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Sept 17, 2018 21:03:12 GMT -5 steph08 said:

Well - she's 4 and he semi-pushed her because she sat on her sister and was hurting her. (I'm not defending him - but he didn't hurt her at all and never would. And if he did, he'd be dead. Dead dead.) 

But I still told him in on uncertain terms that it was not okay and that's not what we teach our children.   

He's mad because we have a 2 and 4 year old and he's the one getting reprimanded for acting like a child. 


And I'm mad at him because I spent the weekend with my BFF and her husband who are lovey-dovey (not in an overbearing way, but they say "I love you" when they hang up the phone, hug/kiss when leaving, etc.) and I came home from 1.5 days away and haven't gotten so much as a high-five. So that's why I'm complaining about him. But I should try to stop now. 

It's okay to vent. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Hi all. Haven't made it on this thread in a while. Hope everyone is okay. 

Here's my parenting challenges for today. 

Since she was accepted to the college where she'll finish her BS in March, DD#1 WOULD NOT LISTEN about figuring out how we were paying for her college tuition this year and next. (Junior & senior year; freshman and sophomore years were covered by scholarships.)  Now it's freaking late September. Tuition is due October 10, and she's just now realizing that COLLEGE COSTS MONEY!!!

DD#2: Stop asking me if a boy can come over for after school. I've told you no. I've explained why. I've told you that it's not you personally; it's teenagers in general. Don't whine at me!!! The rule has NOT changed for any of your siblings, and you're the youngest of four!

[tcu2003]

This day did not start off well. I fell asleep in my contacts last night, so naturally my eyes are super dry this morning. DH and I driving separately because I have to stay late at work for the BD Academy I’m in, so I’m taking DS to school and DH is taking DD. DH gets DD in the car and they’re leaving, while I wait on DS to get his shoes on. He informs me that someone must have peed on the toilet seat because the back of his shorts are all wet. No, child, you peed on yourself apparently while you just went to the bathroom two minutes ago (and all over the floor) because you apparently were in too much of a hurry to point down. He wasn’t happy when I handed him Clorox wipes and told him to go clean it all up while I grab clean shorts and undies.

Finally get him dropped off at school, get to work and open the van door to find that a library book slid off the seat and is between the door and the outside of the van. The door is an automatic sliding, so of course I now can’t shut the door - it gets partway, senses an obstructions, and opens again. Finally manage to get that open, and am up to my desk. Let’s hope this day gets better from here.

[Deleted]

Sept 17, 2018 21:13:49 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Hi all. Haven't made it on this thread in a while. Hope everyone is okay. 

Here's my parenting challenges for today. 

Since she was accepted to the college where she'll finish her BS in March, DD#1 WOULD NOT LISTEN about figuring out how we were paying for her college tuition this year and next. (Junior & senior year; freshman and sophomore years were covered by scholarships.)  Now it's freaking late September. Tuition is due October 10, and she's just now realizing that COLLEGE COSTS MONEY!!!

DD#2: Stop asking me if a boy can come over for after school. I've told you no. I've explained why. I've told you that it's not you personally; it's teenagers in general. Don't whine at me!!! The rule has NOT changed for any of your siblings, and you're the youngest of four!

Maybe she figured she didn't need to know how YOU were going to pay for it. 

[raeoflyte]

Sept 17, 2018 21:03:12 GMT -5 steph08 said:

Well - she's 4 and he semi-pushed her because she sat on her sister and was hurting her. (I'm not defending him - but he didn't hurt her at all and never would. And if he did, he'd be dead. Dead dead.) 

But I still told him in on uncertain terms that it was not okay and that's not what we teach our children.   

He's mad because we have a 2 and 4 year old and he's the one getting reprimanded for acting like a child. 


And I'm mad at him because I spent the weekend with my BFF and her husband who are lovey-dovey (not in an overbearing way, but they say "I love you" when they hang up the phone, hug/kiss when leaving, etc.) and I came home from 1.5 days away and haven't gotten so much as a high-five. So that's why I'm complaining about him. But I should try to stop now. 

Dh is still struggling with the fact that I "never back him up" when it's that I no longer back him up when he's being an ass, and I've absolutely used the phrase, "because you're the grown up" with him...which let me say...makes me question pretty much everything.  

I remember when C was 6 weeks old and dh flipped out that I put socks in the wrong pocket of the diaper bag and dh's explanation was that he couldn't function if it wasn't exactly so, but even non-asshat dh pushes that kind of controlling behavior on the kids and I'm like nope, nope, nope.  You're the one with the issue, you gotta figure out how to function in the world.  The world doesn't tip toe around you.  

Do your friends have kids?  I ask because I was pretty nice and dh and I were super lovey-dovey pre-kids.  Not so much anymore.  

[steph08]

No, they don't.   It was nice. 

But even my dad kisses my mom before he leaves the house, and they are so not lovey-dovey!  Sometimes I just feel like a child-rearing machine instead of an individual. It's just a funk. 

[Sam_2.0]

I sympathize, Steph. I get no affection unless he wants sex. And then even nothing leading up to that. He got mad last night because I just wanted to sit next to him on the couch to watch our show & didn't want to do anything else. Ughghg. Would be nice to just get a hug sometimes.

[muttleynfelix]

Ugh. Sorry Steph. That sucks.


So Ben is an asshole. He used "the f-bomb" on a kindergartener yesterday at recess. Like WTF!! His decision making sucks. He wants a sticker chart and I'm always thinking what is the point he doesn't meet the basics on a regular basis. Like not stealing, not lying, being kind, telling us when he leaves the house.

[gs11rmb]

muttleynfelix sorry you're going through such a rough patch.  Maybe you could try the sticker chart and see if the incentives work?

[muttleynfelix]

Sept 18, 2018 12:55:42 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

muttleynfelix sorry you're going through such a rough patch.  Maybe you could try the sticker chart and see if the incentives work?

Yeah, I need to do it just so he has a visual of what we see in our head when he asks for things. The last 2 weekends have been low on available time to put it together. I was sick last weekend which just stole all my energy.

[Sam_2.0]

That's rough, muttley. Sorry

[Wisconsin Beth]

Soccer practice is cancelled today. Yay.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Hugs and quiet/alone time wishes for all of us.

[NastyWoman]

Sept 17, 2018 18:57:38 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Quick fly by post..

...

My baby is not such a baby anymore and it happened so fast. ...

TheHaitian just out of curiosity but aren't you about to embark on your trip to Europe with the little Lady?  If so have loads of fun while there.

ETA: never mind I found your answer

[chen35]

Sometimes being married is just a lot of work for not much reward. We have good days and not so good days, but we're in the generally good days phase of what seems to be a cycle. Hoping everyone can find some rest and peace in their relationships!

[muttleynfelix]

Isn't that the truth about marriage? I have friends who spent the summer separated because her job. He stayed here with there 5 and 9 year old while she traveled with their 6 month old. Now they are back together and it has been a rough transition for the husband as he went from just doing everything and doing it his way and now she is back and they have to go back to working as a team.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I'm mad at DH right now. I've spent 10 years supporting his various crises and I only get a month before he announces he's tired of listening to me complain all the time and I need to work on that because it's dragging the family down.

I'm so tired of being his rock and then when it's my turn apparently I got a fucking time limit.

I'm really struggling with this job. Had the door slammed in my face at my old job. There isn't anything else to apply for and yesterday was a total bust.

I know I suck to live with but he hasn't exactly been Mr stability. It really hurts to know that my support is never supposed to falter but his has an expiration date apparently.

[zibazinski]

Sept 21, 2018 5:04:32 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I'm mad at DH right now. I've spent 10 years supporting his various crises and I only get a month before he announces he's tired of listening to me complain all the time and I need to work on that because it's dragging the family down.

I'm so tired of being his rock and then when it's my turn apparently I got a fucking time limit.

I'm really struggling with this job. Had the door slammed in my face at my old job. There isn't anything else to apply for and yesterday was a total bust.

I know I suck to live with but he hasn't exactly been Mr stability. It really hurts to know that my support is never supposed to falter but his has an expiration date
apparently.

[

I’m sorry. Usually men suck it up so aren’t tolerant because we don’t but when they don’t and expect us to be s rock-not Fair. To be honest I don’t tolerate whining men or women much except for a small amount of venting so there’s that.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I get it. The message Ive recieved most of my life is my feelings don't matter but heaven help me if I don't care about others.

And people don't get why I have anxiety issues.

[zibazinski]

I miss being married but only to DH. I’m not about to let another man drag me down and that seems to be a pattern of mine. With DH, he built me up. Now I’m spoiled with a strong sense of self worth. That dooms me for another relationship.

[swamp]

Sept 21, 2018 5:04:32 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I'm mad at DH right now. I've spent 10 years supporting his various crises and I only get a month before he announces he's tired of listening to me complain all the time and I need to work on that because it's dragging the family down.

I'm so tired of being his rock and then when it's my turn apparently I got a fucking time limit.

I'm really struggling with this job. Had the door slammed in my face at my old job. There isn't anything else to apply for and yesterday was a total bust.

I know I suck to live with but he hasn't exactly been Mr stability. It really hurts to know that my support is never supposed to falter but his has an expiration date apparently.

I feel your pain. 

[cktc]

Sept 21, 2018 5:04:32 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I'm mad at DH right now. I've spent 10 years supporting his various crises and I only get a month before he announces he's tired of listening to me complain all the time and I need to work on that because it's dragging the family down.

I'm so tired of being his rock and then when it's my turn apparently I got a fucking time limit.

I'm really struggling with this job. Had the door slammed in my face at my old job. There isn't anything else to apply for and yesterday was a total bust.

I know I suck to live with but he hasn't exactly been Mr stability. It really hurts to know that my support is never supposed to falter but his has an expiration date apparently.

He's weaker than you.  I hope he's working on that. You deserve a rock too.

[gs11rmb]

NomoreDramaQ1015 when I'm very upset with something my husband has said or done I will send him an email.  Not that we don't communicate in other ways but sometimes I just need to be heard without any interruptions or attempts at justification.  I can also lay out my thoughts in a logical manner.  Is this something you could try?  Spell out that you've been having a very hard time over the last month and it's very hurtful that he doesn't want to support you longer than 30 days.  Make it clear all the crises that you have worked on with him over the years and now that it's your turn, he is not reciprocating.

[Deleted]

Sept 21, 2018 8:34:07 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

NomoreDramaQ1015 when I'm very upset with something my husband has said or done I will send him an email.  Not that we don't communicate in other ways but sometimes I just need to be heard without any interruptions are attempts at justification.  I can also lay out my thoughts in a logical manner.  Is this something you could try?  Spell out that you've been having a very hard time over the last month and it's very hurtful that he doesn't want to support you longer than 30 days.  Make it clear all the crises that you have worked on with him over the years and now that it's your turn, he is not reciprocating.

Email has always been a better way for me to communicate when I'm upset.  I get too flustered and emotional speaking and my thoughts are disorganized.  I'm much better getting my point across when I can proofread it and am not fielding responses from the other person mid thought. 

[Pants]

Sept 21, 2018 5:04:32 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I'm mad at DH right now. I've spent 10 years supporting his various crises and I only get a month before he announces he's tired of listening to me complain all the time and I need to work on that because it's dragging the family down.

I'm so tired of being his rock and then when it's my turn apparently I got a fucking time limit.

I'm really struggling with this job. Had the door slammed in my face at my old job. There isn't anything else to apply for and yesterday was a total bust.

I know I suck to live with but he hasn't exactly been Mr stability. It really hurts to know that my support is never supposed to falter but his has an expiration date apparently.

The moment when you realize that what you thought was a partnership is really just about you being your husband's caretaker/manager/job coach/life coach/mommy is the fucking worst.