The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[Deleted]

Aug 27, 2018 7:58:03 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

I have never sworn at my child before.

You made it to age 10!  That's a miracle in my book. 

[zibazinski]

Used sparingly and after being talked to about behavior is different. Both my kids were spanked once each and before age 5. Both deserved it and oddly enough both remember it. They do laugh about me "beating" them but acknowledge that it was deserved given the chances and the circumstances. 

[swamp]

Aug 27, 2018 6:34:10 GMT -5 oped said:

Aug 27, 2018 3:18:13 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Same. But people seem to get all worked up when you throw that out there.

I guess my biggest issue, without wanting to set off a powderkeg, is how do you reinforce concepts of body autonomy and that it is completely unacceptable to assault/hit people... by hitting a child without their permission? 

Actually, I do agree. 

However, the urge to beat her ass would have been very difficult to overcome.  

[Sam_2.0]

We sat down & had a chat with mom & the sitter - everyone is on board with A's restrictions. She is still allowed to have recess at school but I have warned that it can be revoked. She helped me clean this weekend, and when her friends came by she told them that she was not allowed to play for a few weeks & came back from the door with no attitude. Its been 2 days, I know, but it seems to be sinking in that we are dead serious about this. Still no news from my sister. I talked to my mom about it to see if I had done something to piss my sister off but she said she couldn't think of anything. Its so very strange. Usually my sis is not one to avoid an issue.

Speaking of minivans - we may buy the in-law's older Sienna. They want to go down a car now that all the kids are out, and I really wanted a van. Since DH wants a new car so badly & I am unwilling to get payments on 2 cars right now, I think we will trade in the Acadia & the Explorer on his car, then buy the van from the inlaws. Its a POS but I can handle it. I am just so sick of bills all the time and want to be done with some of it. Really think I should just make DH get the car all in his own name. May eventually make things easier.

[chen35]

Aug 27, 2018 4:12:27 GMT -5 chapeau said:

Need some advice about cheerleading. DD’s school has a squad, all ages, pre-k to 8 can be on it. DD desperately wants to. I am hugely opposed to it, but I’m not sure how much is my own feelings about cheerleading, including my stepdaughter’s current issues with the rest of her own cheer squad, and how much is legitimate reasons to avoid.
They have to sign up for cheerleading class, which is on Saturday at our local YMCA, in the middle of the afternoon. The class is taught by a woman I know, who is very open about her “no pain, no gain” style of gymnastics coaching. Last year the girls were doing mounts. Yep, little kids were doing pyramids and being put up on other, slightly bigger kids shoulders (sitting and standing). DD is both ridiculously fearless and tiny, so I foresee her being up a lot. (Although the new principal last year was as horrified as I was about it when the squad performed at an assembly. Not sure if that will continue.) DD was not a cheerleader last year.
And now to the main reason I’m not enthusiastic about it. There is a girl in DD’s class who is on the squad (tons of girls are, but it’s this one in particular). She told DD last year she can’t be her friend because she’s not a cheerleader. She also told DD she couldn’t be her friend for a whole list of other reasons, such as because this little girl didn’t like DD’s shoes, shirts, favorite skirt, DD didn’t have curly hair, she has the wrong backpack, etc. Future mean girl, and the future is pretty darn close, I suspect. Of course, this is the kid DD desperately wants to be friends with.
DD takes ballet, starts religious education this year, and wants to take piano lessons. I asked her to pick between cheer and piano, and she (of course) said both. I can’t decide if I should let her go ahead and do it this year and hopefully get it out of her system, or if I should be the meanest mommy in the whole world. (Will be neither the first or last time I get that title.)
Every instinct I have is screaming no, but several other moms that I consider to be reasonable people don’t have a problem with it (or the mounts, but my sister is both a pediatrician and a former cheerleader, and says that mounts at that age are flat out dangerous and should not be done).
Am I being unreasonable? DH will back me up, but says it’s up to me since he is back to working most Saturdays.

If what they are doing is physically dangerous, I think that in and of itself is an excellent reason to say no. Then you don't even need to think about if you're overreacting about the other stuff (I don't think you are, but you know what I mean).

[zibazinski]

I’ve seen these little girls try these stunts in PE class. It’s not safe and there’s no spotters. Buying your way onto a squad isn’t wise.

[raeoflyte]

Aug 27, 2018 8:02:54 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

My mom whooped my ass plenty of times, but it backfired on her bigtime.

This is dh's parents.  They'd tell you he turned out fine because he's employed, married, kids, etc.  But they don't see any of the emotional issues they left behind.  Though, they can't imagine why he doesn't come over more often.  Being functional isn't the same as healthy and okay.  

Not to mention, how do you teach not to hit...by hitting... That has never made sense to me.  Not that I haven't had those moments when I wondered if spanking was my only option, but once I walked away from the anger so far I have found one.  

Chapeau -- I really don't want E doing cheer.  I think there are way too many other things wrapped up with cheer that I don't want for her, and if the coach has that kind of attitude I'd take a hard pass.  E doesn't want to go back to gymnastics because of her last instructor like that.  

[andi9899]

Aug 27, 2018 8:02:54 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

My mom whooped my ass plenty of times, but it backfired on her bigtime.

I got my ass kicked plenty of times by both parents. Believe it or not I was an exceptionally stubborn child and got in a lot of trouble. I turned out ok and am very close with both parents.

[andi9899]

Aug 27, 2018 8:05:26 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Aug 27, 2018 7:58:03 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

I have never sworn at my child before.

You made it to age 10!  That's a miracle in my book. 

Right! She's a downright saint!

[Jaguar]

My great niece has been doing cheerleading for the last 10 years or so. She does it at a private cheerleading business, not in school though. She needs the energy outlet, she's brilliant in math and science, and the cheerleading teaches her to focus.

[Sam_2.0]

I tend to believe that kids turn out "ok" in spite of being hit, not because of it. And plenty more end up not ok (DH and I are prime examples there). But we have a whole crap ton of issues due to how we were raised. That was just one aspect. Bodily autonomy is a HUGE one I want my daughter to learn. I was never allowed it, until the past couple of years when I started insisting upon it.

[andi9899]

You can get hurt playing any sport. I wouldn't rule cheer out on the possibility that one might hurt themselves. I would rule it out if the coach is a drill sergeant who was asking them to do things either beyond their skill level and/or without taking proper precautions. That's an accident waiting to happen and no way is my kid going to be the one it happens to.

[swamp]

Aug 27, 2018 10:26:54 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

You can get hurt playing any sport. I wouldn't rule cheer out on the possibility that one might hurt themselves. I would rule it out if the coach is a drill sergeant who was asking them to do things either beyond their skill level and/or without taking proper precautions. That's an accident waiting to happen and no way is my kid going to be the one it happens to.

There is a fine line between pushing your kid to try new things, and pushing them beyond their skill level.   

I admit I struggle with this.  I don't want my kid to get seriously hurt (bumps and bruises are part of athletics), but I don't want them to be pansies, either. 

[MJ2.0]

DS needs to do some type of sport to keep his ADHD in check. The Y may be shit for his summer care but I do trust them enough for the swim lessons. Also they are only 30 mins long and one of us will be there the whole time. It breaks down to $13 per weekly lesson which isn’t too bad IMO. X hasn’t agreed yet but will give an answer this week. Idk why everything is so difficult with him.... or how we were together as long as we were.

[Deleted]

Aug 27, 2018 10:19:21 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Aug 27, 2018 8:02:54 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

My mom whooped my ass plenty of times, but it backfired on her bigtime.

I got my ass kicked plenty of times by both parents. Believe it or not I was an exceptionally stubborn child and got in a lot of trouble. I turned out ok and am very close with both parents.

Everyone is different.  I just got intensely angered by it, especially when it was unjust, and sometimes even if you think as a parent that you are totally in the right, you can be wrong, and you can't take it back.  I assaulted a man at that age once and he totally had it coming.  Not saying this guy did at all,  but it is a little bizarre for two young girls to just take off after some guy for not buying from them. 

I think I turned out fine too, and I have a respect for authority and a good work ethic.  But, at the age of 11 or 12, I whipped my mother's ass when she tried to whoop mine because I realized I was big enough to take her and might = right.  I hold no ill will towards her, but we're hardly close. 

Having said that, I spanked both my kids, but I never felt right about it past the age of 2 or 3 when it was toddler running to the road refusing to listen kind of things.  It was just my go to because of how I was raised.  With older son, he never needed it beyond that.  You can easily reason with him and talk things through.  His brother...not so much.  When Carrot was 5 or 6, I remember hitting him for hitting me...and yelling at him about hitting people...while hitting him.    The irony hit me pretty hard when I realized what I was saying and doing, and I haven't spanked him since.  It is really hard sometimes because he's a difficult kid, but he's also a lot like I was and I know it is not a good long term solution. 

[andi9899]

Speaking of beating your child, I need to beat mine. She is waiting for her health insurance card from her new job in the mail and needs to go to a doctor. What part of fo to their website and print a card is so hard to understand?! She keeps telling me that she doesn't have a card. Print the dam thing off the internet!

[andi9899]

Aug 27, 2018 11:08:45 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Aug 27, 2018 10:19:21 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I got my ass kicked plenty of times by both parents. Believe it or not I was an exceptionally stubborn child and got in a lot of trouble. I turned out ok and am very close with both parents.

Everyone is different.  I just got intensely angered by it, especially when it was unjust, and sometimes even if you think as a parent that you are totally in the right, you can be wrong, and you can't take it back.  I assaulted a man at that age once and he totally had it coming.  Not saying this guy did at all,  but it is a little bizarre for two young girls to just take off after some guy for not buying from them. 

I think I turned out fine too, and I have a respect for authority and a good work ethic.  But, at the age of 11 or 12, I whipped my mother's ass when she tried to whoop mine because I realized I was big enough to take her and might = right.  I hold no ill will towards her, but we're hardly close. 

Having said that, I spanked both my kids, but I never felt right about it past the age of 2 or 3 when it was toddler running to the road refusing to listen kind of things.  It was just my go to because of how I was raised.  With older son, he never needed it beyond that.  You can easily reason with him and talk things through.  His brother...not so much.  When Carrot was 5 or 6, I remember hitting him for hitting me...and yelling at him about hitting people...while hitting him.    The irony hit me pretty hard when I realized what I was saying and doing, and I haven't spanked him since.  It is really hard sometimes because he's a difficult kid, but he's also a lot like I was and I know it is not a good long term solution. 

Yeah. Everything is different for everyone. And they do get to a certain point where it's not something I would do. I can't remember what ages that was for the girls. Eventually taking things away just became way more effective. That was eons ago, so my memory may be a bit hazy too.

[steph08]

I love my minivan! 

I got it last September - it is a 2010 Honda Odyssey Touring, so it has all the bells and whistles. It had 87k miles when I bought it, and it just rolled over to 100,000. I'm hoping it lasts for a good, long time. Of course, it is at the shop today for a broken rotor or frozen caliper or something that makes a crap-ton of noise during and after braking...

We only have the two kids, but it is super convenient with the sliding doors - the fact they can get up and into the car seat themselves, etc. 

And with all the space in the back (I almost always keep the third row folded down), I have space for the double stroller or taking my dogs to the vet without having to remove the car seats, etc. 

[MJ2.0]

Off topic but I’m already starting to research summer camps for next year. My mom should be retired and living in state by the time DS is out next summer. That plus X’s parents should help to alleviate the care costs. But we can’t just have him at Grandma and Grandpa’s all day all summer. The Y is out, so I’ve been checking out other more reputable camps in our area. Just 4 weeks at the three I looked at is $4000!!!! Four weeks!!! And that doesn’t include before or after care!!!! Our aftercare bill for school is about $2700 for the year. So if we can eliminate that using our parents as care options, his camp would be the only care cost for the year. If we do the full day 4 week option, $4000 for the year isn’t bad. Unfortunately that cost will have come within the same calendar year as the $300/mo aftercare. So if we go that route, 2019 will be pretty expensive as far as DS’s care goes. I already know X is going to immediately say no way to the pricey camps, but those are the ones with qualified teachers and more structured activities that DS truly needs.

[Deleted]

It's just me and two kids and I have TWO minivans.     2005 and 2007 Honda Odysseys.  The only thing I don't love about them is the gas mileage.  Otherwise, they are awesome as far as convenience and cargo room goes.  Perfect kid haulers.  They are low on the "cool factor", but I could care less about that. 

[zibazinski]

I did it also for DS running into the road. WTH. No amount of talking or time outs worked and one day I just lost it. He had jammies on and a nighttime diaper and I whomped his behind all the way from the middle of the road up my driveway and up the stairs to his bed. Hollering the whole time. I know it didn’t hurt him because of the diaper padding but it shocked him so much that it never happened again. Fine by me. Squished son isn’t my thing.

[Deleted]

Aug 27, 2018 11:32:54 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Off topic but I’m already starting to research summer camps for next year. My mom should be retired and living in state by the time DS is out next summer. That plus X’s parents should help to alleviate the care costs. But we can’t just have him at Grandma and Grandpa’s all day all summer. The Y is out, so I’ve been checking out other more reputable camps in our area. Just 4 weeks at the three I looked at is $4000!!!! Four weeks!!! And that doesn’t include before or after care!!!! Our aftercare bill for school is about $2700 for the year. So if we can eliminate that using our parents as care options, his camp would be the only care cost for the year. If we do the full day 4 week option, $4000 for the year isn’t bad. Unfortunately that cost will have come within the same calendar year as the $300/mo aftercare. So if we go that route, 2019 will be pretty expensive as far as DS’s care goes. I already know X is going to immediately say no way to the pricey camps, but those are the ones with qualified teachers and more structured activities that DS truly needs.

$1000/week??  That seems beyond excessive even for a HCOL area.   There must be some other options. 

[swamp]

the gas mileage on my odyssey isn't that bad, it's about 24 mpg.   Not bad for the amount of crap you can put in it. 

[MJ2.0]

Aug 27, 2018 11:39:25 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Aug 27, 2018 11:32:54 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Off topic but I’m already starting to research summer camps for next year. My mom should be retired and living in state by the time DS is out next summer. That plus X’s parents should help to alleviate the care costs. But we can’t just have him at Grandma and Grandpa’s all day all summer. The Y is out, so I’ve been checking out other more reputable camps in our area. Just 4 weeks at the three I looked at is $4000!!!! Four weeks!!! And that doesn’t include before or after care!!!! Our aftercare bill for school is about $2700 for the year. So if we can eliminate that using our parents as care options, his camp would be the only care cost for the year. If we do the full day 4 week option, $4000 for the year isn’t bad. Unfortunately that cost will have come within the same calendar year as the $300/mo aftercare. So if we go that route, 2019 will be pretty expensive as far as DS’s care goes. I already know X is going to immediately say no way to the pricey camps, but those are the ones with qualified teachers and more structured activities that DS truly needs.

$1000/week??  That seems beyond excessive even for a HCOL area.   There must be some other options. 

It’s crazy around here. Plenty of people must have no issue paying top dollar for comprehensive child care so it’s pretty expensive. But I did just come across a sports-centered summer camp for about $300/week. That’s competitive with the Y. And I read some google reviews for it - all recent and very positive.

[Deleted]

Aug 27, 2018 11:54:22 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Aug 27, 2018 11:39:25 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

$1000/week??  That seems beyond excessive even for a HCOL area.   There must be some other options. 

It’s crazy around here. Plenty of people must have no issue paying top dollar for comprehensive child care so it’s pretty expensive. But I did just come across a sports-centered summer camp for about $300/week. That’s competitive with the Y. And I read some google reviews for it - all recent and very positive.

I guess!  For comparison sake, I paid $1200 for my son to spend 7 days on a sailboat in the FL Keys and that included overnights, all meals and airfare! 

[Deleted]

Aug 27, 2018 11:41:19 GMT -5 swamp said:

the gas mileage on my odyssey isn't that bad, it's about 24 mpg.   Not bad for the amount of crap you can put in it. 

I might get 22 or 23 if it's all highway, but with town thrown in there it's 19-20.  I haven't checked to see if the newer one is any better, it might be. 

[cktc]

We were thinking minivan for our next vehicle, but now we are looking at the Kia Niro. It's a crossover hybrid that gets up to 50mpg and it starts at $24k.

[tcu2003]

Aug 27, 2018 11:32:50 GMT -5 steph08 said:

We only have the two kids, but it is super convenient with the sliding doors - the fact they can get up and into the car seat themselves, etc. 

Yes! Totally forgot that point. M nearly hates riding in the CRV right now because she can’t climb into the car and then her seat by herself. She so wants to be independent (which is tough at almost 2), and she knows that she can do this thing in the minivan, but not the other car.

[Sam_2.0]

We have the Acadia, the inside is the same as a van. But the sliding doors are what I REALLY want right now. Getting the kids in & out of the car in parking lots is difficult. They always swing the door open I would love something where the doors slide just for the convenience.

[Chocolate Lover]

Aug 27, 2018 12:47:08 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

We have the Acadia, the inside is the same as a van. But the sliding doors are what I REALLY want right now. Getting the kids in & out of the car in parking lots is difficult. They always swing the door open I would love something where the doors slide just for the convenience.

The "not putting dings in other people's cars" was my favorite part of the mini van.