The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I'd have wanted to kill the kids too.  However I've seen how well yelling and threats did for my brother and I am trying to take a different approach and use these situations if I can as a learning opportunity.

I'd have it out with my sibling though, especially if they were refusing to return my calls and texts.

[Deleted]

So, picked up Carrot from his Dad's and he's telling me all about this great movie they watched this weekend...Deadpool. I texted him asking if he really thought that was an appropriate movie for an 8 year old.

[zibazinski]

Aug 26, 2018 18:49:42 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

So, picked up Carrot from his Dad's and he's telling me all about this great movie they watched this weekend...Deadpool. I texted him asking if he really thought that was an appropriate movie for an 8 year old.

Good luck. For the few years DD saw her sperm donor, he went out of his way to do anything and everything to make sure he was a shitty parent knowing there was nothing I could do about it. Until it backfired on him.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Aug 26, 2018 18:49:42 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

So, picked up Carrot from his Dad's and he's telling me all about this great movie they watched this weekend...Deadpool. I texted him asking if he really thought that was an appropriate movie for an 8 year old.

hell, I don't think Deadpool is appropriate for ME much less my kids...

[chapeau]

Aug 26, 2018 19:43:32 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Aug 26, 2018 18:49:42 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

So, picked up Carrot from his Dad's and he's telling me all about this great movie they watched this weekend...Deadpool. I texted him asking if he really thought that was an appropriate movie for an 8 year old.

hell, I don't think Deadpool is appropriate for ME much less my kids...

I’m not sure it’s appropriate for me, either, but the last movie I saw in a theater was Deathly Hallows part 2, so I’m not sure I know what I’m talking about. (Except seeing Incredibles 2 at the drive-in. I love the drive-in, but I’m not taking DD to see anything worse than that.)

[Deleted]

Back to TheHaitian 's what ifs.

I had my first child at 23 and my second at 25.  My ex was 5 years older so we weren't particularly young, especially for our time period.

I am glad I had my kids "young," and glad I had them two years apart.  

On the other hand, my daughter was 38 when she had her fifth child.  It was hard for her to bounce back, but remember she has four more!

My unsolicited advice, though, is for you and your wife to stop with one.  It has nothing to do with age.  You have significant marital problems given what you have posted here.  A second child would add a ton more debt without solving anything.

[Lizard Queen]

Aug 26, 2018 18:49:42 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

So, picked up Carrot from his Dad's and he's telling me all about this great movie they watched this weekend...Deadpool. [img src="http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/think.gif" src="//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/undecided.png" class="smile" alt=""] I texted him asking if he really thought that was an appropriate movie for an 8 year old.

Is it the new one, or the first?  I haven't seen it, but I guess the new one has been Disney-fied.  (I imagine like what happened to the second Guardians of the Galaxy.) The original, NFW.

[Mardi Gras Audrey]

Hi moms, I need your input about cars!

We are due for our second little one in January. Our DS will be just turning 2. He rides rear facing in a graco extend2fit (can stay rearfacing til 50 lbs). The new one can use his infant car seat, a graco snugride 30.

We have 2 priuses (priui?) and DH claims he can’t fit with a car seat behind him (we went and tried all the car seats at buybuybaby in our car, the extend2fit seemed to give the most room). He still claims it can’t fit behind him. So far, has just been in the other side so not an issue.

Recommend minivan or just a larger sedan or suv? I like the idea of a minivan but DH doesn’t wAnt one and he is the one who would drive it. We tend to drive our cars til they die so I’m thinking a minivan would give us the most comfortable ride for years to come. He seems to think an Altima or similar would be better. I don’t think it will have enough cargo room but.... :-(

What are your thoughts?

[Lizard Queen]

Minivan, all the way.  (I have a Sienna, and looove it.)  We just bought some trim pieces at the home improvement store.  Can an Altima fit a 12' board?  I think not. 

[Deleted]

Aug 26, 2018 21:22:13 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Aug 26, 2018 18:49:42 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

So, picked up Carrot from his Dad's and he's telling me all about this great movie they watched this weekend...Deadpool. [img src="http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/think.gif" src="//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/undecided.png" class="smile" alt=""] I texted him asking if he really thought that was an appropriate movie for an 8 year old.

Is it the new one, or the first?  I haven't seen it, but I guess the new one has been Disney-fied.  (I imagine like what happened to the second Guardians of the Galaxy.) The original, NFW.

The first one.  

He's apologizing profusely saying he thought FX would bleep it out.  Ok...well...it should have took all of 5 seconds to realize they didn't.  You weren't forced into watching the entire thing.   Whatever.  At least he's not buying him cigarettes...yet. 

[Lizard Queen]

Aug 26, 2018 21:59:30 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Aug 26, 2018 21:22:13 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Is it the new one, or the first?  I haven't seen it, but I guess the new one has been Disney-fied.  (I imagine like what happened to the second Guardians of the Galaxy.) The original, NFW.

The first one.  

He's apologizing profusely saying he thought FX would bleep it out.  Ok...well...it should have took all of 5 seconds to realize they didn't.  You weren't forced into watching the entire thing.   Whatever.  At least he's not buying him cigarettes...yet. 

OMG! I have no words.

[Jaguar]

Aug 26, 2018 21:59:30 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Aug 26, 2018 21:22:13 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Is it the new one, or the first?  I haven't seen it, but I guess the new one has been Disney-fied.  (I imagine like what happened to the second Guardians of the Galaxy.) The original, NFW.

The first one.  

He's apologizing profusely saying he thought FX would bleep it out.  Ok...well...it should have took all of 5 seconds to realize they didn't.  You weren't forced into watching the entire thing.   Whatever.  At least he's not buying him cigarettes...yet. 

Oh fucking crap, that in itself would make me to never let carrot see him again. Ex #2 is a shitty crappy dad, in the dad department.

[tcu2003]

Hugs, Sam. No idea what I would do in that situation, so no advice. Just hugs. And drink wine...maybe that will help you?!! 😉

[tcu2003]

Aug 26, 2018 21:22:51 GMT -5 Mardi Gras Audrey said:

Hi moms, I need your input about cars!

We are due for our second little one in January. Our DS will be just turning 2. He rides rear facing in a graco extend2fit (can stay rearfacing til 50 lbs). The new one can use his infant car seat, a graco snugride 30.

We have 2 priuses (priui?) and DH claims he can’t fit with a car seat behind him (we went and tried all the car seats at buybuybaby in our car, the extend2fit seemed to give the most room). He still claims it can’t fit behind him. So far, has just been in the other side so not an issue.

Recommend minivan or just a larger sedan or suv? I like the idea of a minivan but DH doesn’t wAnt one and he is the one who would drive it. We tend to drive our cars til they die so I’m thinking a minivan would give us the most comfortable ride for years to come. He seems to think an Altima or similar would be better. I don’t think it will have enough cargo room but.... :-(

What are your thoughts?

Team minivan. All the way. We bought an Odyssey when DH’s car was totaled - at the time we had one 7-month old. We now have a 6yo and an almost 2yo and I’m still #teamminivan. It is ridiculously roomy when traveling, you can fit full sheets of plywood inside it, and the newer minivans have some awesome features to them. It’s also great when grandparents are in town and you want to take one vehicle, or you’re hauling cousin and/or friends around.

FWIW, we had a Ford Escape until the beginning of this year, and now have a CRV. While I like the SUVs, for comfort and space, the minivan still wins, hands down.

[tcu2003]

We celebrated M’s 2nd birthday today with a family party at our house. Naturally, she fell asleep right when lunch was ready, so she slept through lunch and all of the other kids playing with water balloons in the backyard. Once she awoke from her nap, we did presents and cake /ice cream, which she liked.

And yay for me - everyone seemed to get the hint that thanks to getting so much stuff from friends and family when C was little, she seriously needs no toys. She got a toddler/preschool unicorn backpack, books and puzzles, an art desk, clothes, shoes/socks, wipes (Mom and dad were definitely more excited about that one than she was), and a big Care Bears stuffed bear (the only toy she received).

[raeoflyte]

Good, busy weekend.  C's bff spent the night Friday then C spent Saturday afternoon with bff and his mom.  Neighborhood block party last night -- the booze was on our lawn which worked out well.  The kids had fun and I managed to meet some people.  Then comicon today with the kids in costumes I barely finished this morning. What do we use for photos again? 

E spent her money down to the last penny, but she chose not to buy on credit (I'll advance allowance every now and then which she's used, and knows its pretty rough waiting for payday) and she pretty quickly learned which booths were probably too expensive and wouldn't stop at those.  No whining so I'll take it, and C was of course conservative with his money, but got some fidget spinners and a lego shark. 

Old housemate posted on facebook that they got their daughter into kindergarten at the charter the older girls are at.  Dh told me about the post on facebook because I'm pretty well off of it these days.  I'll need to tell E tomorrow, and I'm still hurt that my friend didn't let me know, at least so I could soften the blow for E better. 


I really need to do some homework, but am going to end up with a late assignment. I'm just wiped out.

[TheHaitian]

Aug 26, 2018 20:52:19 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

My unsolicited advice, though, is for you and your wife to stop with one.  It has nothing to do with age.  You have significant marital problems given what you have posted here.  A second child would add a ton more debt without solving anything.

Please refer back to word in bold

Thank you

[justme]

Aug 26, 2018 21:22:13 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Aug 26, 2018 18:49:42 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

So, picked up Carrot from his Dad's and he's telling me all about this great movie they watched this weekend...Deadpool. [img src="http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/think.gif" src="//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/undecided.png" class="smile" alt=""] I texted him asking if he really thought that was an appropriate movie for an 8 year old.

Is it the new one, or the first?  I haven't seen it, but I guess the new one has been Disney-fied.  (I imagine like what happened to the second Guardians of the Galaxy.) The original, NFW.

The new one isn't really any more suitable for kids. Maybe slightly tamer, but it could just be from less gore or the first one making it less unexpected.

[andi9899]

Aug 26, 2018 10:51:12 GMT -5 swamp said:

I think I would have beat A's ass

Same. But people seem to get all worked up when you throw that out there.

[andi9899]

Aug 26, 2018 23:43:44 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Aug 26, 2018 20:52:19 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

My unsolicited advice, though, is for you and your wife to stop with one.  It has nothing to do with age.  You have significant marital problems given what you have posted here.  A second child would add a ton more debt without solving anything.

Please refer back to word in bold

Thank you

I thought that too when I read it.

[chapeau]

Need some advice about cheerleading. DD’s school has a squad, all ages, pre-k to 8 can be on it. DD desperately wants to. I am hugely opposed to it, but I’m not sure how much is my own feelings about cheerleading, including my stepdaughter’s current issues with the rest of her own cheer squad, and how much is legitimate reasons to avoid.
They have to sign up for cheerleading class, which is on Saturday at our local YMCA, in the middle of the afternoon. The class is taught by a woman I know, who is very open about her “no pain, no gain” style of gymnastics coaching. Last year the girls were doing mounts. Yep, little kids were doing pyramids and being put up on other, slightly bigger kids shoulders (sitting and standing). DD is both ridiculously fearless and tiny, so I foresee her being up a lot. (Although the new principal last year was as horrified as I was about it when the squad performed at an assembly. Not sure if that will continue.) DD was not a cheerleader last year.
And now to the main reason I’m not enthusiastic about it. There is a girl in DD’s class who is on the squad (tons of girls are, but it’s this one in particular). She told DD last year she can’t be her friend because she’s not a cheerleader. She also told DD she couldn’t be her friend for a whole list of other reasons, such as because this little girl didn’t like DD’s shoes, shirts, favorite skirt, DD didn’t have curly hair, she has the wrong backpack, etc. Future mean girl, and the future is pretty darn close, I suspect. Of course, this is the kid DD desperately wants to be friends with.
DD takes ballet, starts religious education this year, and wants to take piano lessons. I asked her to pick between cheer and piano, and she (of course) said both. I can’t decide if I should let her go ahead and do it this year and hopefully get it out of her system, or if I should be the meanest mommy in the whole world. (Will be neither the first or last time I get that title.)
Every instinct I have is screaming no, but several other moms that I consider to be reasonable people don’t have a problem with it (or the mounts, but my sister is both a pediatrician and a former cheerleader, and says that mounts at that age are flat out dangerous and should not be done).
Am I being unreasonable? DH will back me up, but says it’s up to me since he is back to working most Saturdays.

[andi9899]

I was a cheerleader and so was Thing 1, so I'm pro cheer. However, if your gut tells you something, you should probably listen. Cheer is a full on contact sport. It's just as dangerous as football. Both Thing 1 and I were the ones on top of the pyramid because we're so small. Both of us have been hurt doing it.

And unless this squad is competitive, I see no reason for a 'no pain no gain' attitude about it. I get telling the kids to work hard and not coming to practice just to socialize, but that's completely different. Just my two cents.

[Deleted]

Aug 27, 2018 3:24:23 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Aug 26, 2018 23:43:44 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Please refer back to word in bold

Thank you

I thought that too when I read it.

I thought it as well, which is why I used the word.    

[zibazinski]

Aug 27, 2018 4:12:27 GMT -5 chapeau said:

Need some advice about cheerleading. DD’s school has a squad, all ages, pre-k to 8 can be on it. DD desperately wants to. I am hugely opposed to it, but I’m not sure how much is my own feelings about cheerleading, including my stepdaughter’s current issues with the rest of her own cheer squad, and how much is legitimate reasons to avoid.
They have to sign up for cheerleading class, which is on Saturday at our local YMCA, in the middle of the afternoon. The class is taught by a woman I know, who is very open about her “no pain, no gain” style of gymnastics coaching. Last year the girls were doing mounts. Yep, little kids were doing pyramids and being put up on other, slightly bigger kids shoulders (sitting and standing). DD is both ridiculously fearless and tiny, so I foresee her being up a lot. (Although the new principal last year was as horrified as I was about it when the squad performed at an assembly. Not sure if that will continue.) DD was not a cheerleader last year.
And now to the main reason I’m not enthusiastic about it. There is a girl in DD’s class who is on the squad (tons of girls are, but it’s this one in particular). She told DD last year she can’t be her friend because she’s not a cheerleader. She also told DD she couldn’t be her friend for a whole list of other reasons, such as because this little girl didn’t like DD’s shoes, shirts, favorite skirt, DD didn’t have curly hair, she has the wrong backpack, etc. Future mean girl, and the future is pretty darn close, I suspect. Of course, this is the kid DD desperately wants to be friends with.
DD takes ballet, starts religious education this year, and wants to take piano lessons. I asked her to pick between cheer and piano, and she (of course) said both. I can’t decide if I should let her go ahead and do it this year and hopefully get it out of her system, or if I should be the meanest mommy in the whole world. (Will be neither the first or last time I get that title.)
Every instinct I have is screaming no, but several other moms that I consider to be reasonable people don’t have a problem with it (or the mounts, but my sister is both a pediatrician and a former cheerleader, and says that mounts at that age are flat out dangerous and should not be done).
Am I being unreasonable? DH will back me up, but says it’s up to me since he is back to working most Saturdays.

Cheering is very different now than when I did it. DD wanted to and I said no and for very good reasons. There’s plenty of things for girls to do now unlike when I was in school. Also, a friend that would say that isn’t a friend. Time to learn that friends will come and go and people mature at different rates but in the end it’ll all work out.

[oped]

Aug 27, 2018 3:18:13 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Aug 26, 2018 10:51:12 GMT -5 swamp said:

I think I would have beat A's ass

Same. But people seem to get all worked up when you throw that out there.

I guess my biggest issue, without wanting to set off a powderkeg, is how do you reinforce concepts of body autonomy and that it is completely unacceptable to assault/hit people... by hitting a child without their permission? 

[zibazinski]

Aug 27, 2018 6:34:10 GMT -5 oped said:

Aug 27, 2018 3:18:13 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Same. But people seem to get all worked up when you throw that out there.

I guess my biggest issue, without wanting to set off a powderkeg, is how do you reinforce concepts of body autonomy and that it is completely unacceptable to assault/hit people... by hitting a child without their permission? 

It’s a valid point. The trouble seems to be that being talked to about behavior isn’t working. Something more serious needs to be done to get the point across. I’m totally opposed to the police idea but that’s me. I think the crying would start again and nothing would be accomplished.

[andi9899]

Aug 27, 2018 6:34:10 GMT -5 oped said:

Aug 27, 2018 3:18:13 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Same. But people seem to get all worked up when you throw that out there.

I guess my biggest issue, without wanting to set off a powderkeg, is how do you reinforce concepts of body autonomy and that it is completely unacceptable to assault/hit people... by hitting a child without their permission? 

Like zib said, apparently talking about it isn't working. The behavior is not only not stopping, it's escalating. Top that with her flippant attitude about it, and we've got a problem.

I spanked my kids when they were smaller and they grew up just fine. Neither has been to jail, neither is pregnant, they both go to work and abide by the law. I think one could do a lot worse than spanking a child for bad behavior.

[gs11rmb]

I had a terrible morning with my 10-year-old DD.  I don't lose my temper very often but I completely lost it this morning and actually cursed at my child.

Her general attitude recently has been been stinky and now that she's in charge of packing her own lunch I discovered that, in addition to a sandwich, she's been taking six separate snacks to eat during the day.  Her diet is awful and I told her absolutely not.  Take something else.  She kept answering back and putting the snacks in her bag.  She'd also trashed the kitchen making her sandwich and at that point I just completely lost my temper.  She was yelling at me that she'd be hungry and didn't have enough to eat.  I threw a banana at her and yelled "eat a fucking banana".  I have never sworn at my child before.

[zibazinski]

DD's adolescence started at 9 and continued for at least 15 years. Good luck. 

[Deleted]

My mom whooped my ass plenty of times, but it backfired on her bigtime.