The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[chen35]

Jul 30, 2018 15:11:50 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I work in retail and see a lot of well behaved and a lot of not well behaved children. I also see a lot of parents correcting children and a lot ignoring them or being too wrapped up in something else.

One day a very small (roughly 2 yo) child decided to liberate herself from the store. Mom was too busy looking at her phone until the guy behind her in line informed her that her baby walked outside.

I've heard children tell their parents to shut up when corrected. I've seen them hit their parents. It's crazy. I saw one kid who was at least 10 yo jumping up and down screaming like a toddler because he didn't get his way. No way would I ever have pulled that crap when I was younger, nor would my children. Just saying.

But is that really so different from 20 years ago? This is where I think rose colored glasses are coming in. Just because you wouldn't have done something, or your kids wouldn't, doesn't mean it didn't happen then.

[andi9899]

Jul 30, 2018 15:14:06 GMT -5 chen35 said:

Jul 30, 2018 15:11:50 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I work in retail and see a lot of well behaved and a lot of not well behaved children. I also see a lot of parents correcting children and a lot ignoring them or being too wrapped up in something else.

One day a very small (roughly 2 yo) child decided to liberate herself from the store. Mom was too busy looking at her phone until the guy behind her in line informed her that her baby walked outside.

I've heard children tell their parents to shut up when corrected. I've seen them hit their parents. It's crazy. I saw one kid who was at least 10 yo jumping up and down screaming like a toddler because he didn't get his way. No way would I ever have pulled that crap when I was younger, nor would my children. Just saying.

But is that really so different from 20 years ago? This is where I think rose colored glasses are coming in. Just because you wouldn't have done something, or your kids wouldn't, doesn't mean it didn't happen then.

It didn't seem like it to me. People weren't as quick to report people for doing or not doing things whether they were right or wrong. Things didn't go viral on the internet. People nowadays are so afraid of the reaction of others or heaven forbid upsetting junior that they behave a lot differently now. That's my opinion. You have yours.

[raeoflyte]

Jul 30, 2018 15:14:06 GMT -5 chen35 said:

Jul 30, 2018 15:11:50 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I work in retail and see a lot of well behaved and a lot of not well behaved children. I also see a lot of parents correcting children and a lot ignoring them or being too wrapped up in something else.

One day a very small (roughly 2 yo) child decided to liberate herself from the store. Mom was too busy looking at her phone until the guy behind her in line informed her that her baby walked outside.

I've heard children tell their parents to shut up when corrected. I've seen them hit their parents. It's crazy. I saw one kid who was at least 10 yo jumping up and down screaming like a toddler because he didn't get his way. No way would I ever have pulled that crap when I was younger, nor would my children. Just saying.

But is that really so different from 20 years ago? This is where I think rose colored glasses are coming in. Just because you wouldn't have done something, or your kids wouldn't, doesn't mean it didn't happen then.

I don't think it's different.  I had a kid in my class who had to be physically dragged to the principals office everyday for 3 years (until he moved to another school and I don't know what happened after that).  My cousin acted out and had some pretty spectacular melt downs.  This is all from 20-30 years (closer to 30 eek!) ago and from kids who had medical issues that weren't dealt with all that great then (and not always that great now).  

I also worked in a restaurant 20 years ago and remember lots of kids running around and wondering why the heck the parents didn't tell them to sit down, and the disaster of the tables they left behind when they left.  

What hasn't changed is how much we like to judge others though.  

[geenamercile]

So at least talking to the new lady on the phone seemed to go well.  Set up a meeting for ODD to come in and meet the teachers, after that we will see how the other ideas pan out.  I know scheduling classes is partly a number game, and also partly what each student needs.  We don't want to mess up friends schedule for classes she needs either.  Although, knowing her I don't think that will be an issue.  ODD is one year ahead in math, she is technically doing 8th grade math this year and will do algebra next year in 8th which will be a high school credit. She is also in pre-honors English.  For these classes she won't be able to be with her friend, as I believe that her friend is in all grade level classes.  However the science/history class (they take 1 each semester) don't have advance classes.  Last year her case manger's suggestion was lets put her in the easier classes, ummm yes that could help her anxiety because she would just be able to sleep through them.  It is pretty much what she does with the science and history classes.  No we are not doing that.  So after several meetings we did get some accommodations in.  Her math teacher last year did not help.  She pretty much had the attitude that this was an advance class so if a student had an issues they need to be in a different class.  Ummm no that isn't how it works either. 

For example, lets say the problem is 6(X + 7) = 48  First step is distributive property, when ODD will do the 6X7 part she will answer 42.  But then she will question if she is right, so she will then need to add 6+6+6+6+6+6+6= to make sure she still gets 42.  Okay but just to make sure lets take 42 and subtract 6, 7 times to check that way.  Okay but now she is multiple questions behind so she is stressing about not finishing and so she will then just shut down and put her head down.  Her teachers response was if she can't keep up she shouldn't be in the class.  We ended up giving her limit questions accommodations or just grading the ones she answered.  I tried to just get a calculator accommodation in, but because of state testing not allowing calculators on all parts we settled for other accommodations.  Because she is in pre-algebra this year the state allows students to use calculators on the state assessments, so we will just give her a calculator so she can check on that and move on.  Another accommodation was she was allowed to draw.  Her math teacher was the only one who minded having doodles on the sides of the paper, so for that she would have to have a different sheet to doodle on.  There was one day the math teacher just had her go to ISS to work on her math, ODD enjoyed it.  On the good side of things, while at the start of the year the math teacher was like she shouldn't be in this class and I don't know if she can do it, by the end of the year she was like if I could just give her quizzes and test every day she would be fine.  She still disengaged a lot but finished with A/B honor roll.   So maybe her attitude changed some from advance students shouldn't have accommodations to OOOOOOOO if we could get the anxiety under control she wouldn't have any problems with content.  I can't say I don't work with some similar teachers at my school either, luckily they are not in my core group I work with.              

[muttleynfelix]

Jul 26, 2018 12:04:25 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

DS inserted himself into a game of tag with kids older and more agile than he is. And he volunteered to be IT. I don't know why he does these things. He is always talking about how fast or great he is - especially about stuff he has never or rarely done. And then when he gets beaten he is inconsolable. Fortunately one of the kids was nice and basically "let" DS get him out.

I am all for confidence but these situations more often than not are DS setting himself up for continual disappointment. I don't know whether I should interfere or let him keep learning the hard way.

It's good for him to be disappointed to realize that he isn't the best sometimes. He'll figure it out.

[regina24601]

If I never again read some variation of "Kids these days..." or "Parents these days...", paired with an implied fist shaking, it'll be too soon.

[lurkyloo]

And then there are kids like mine, who are often literally incapable of following directions.  Despite me spending about 60% of my waking hours worrying and stressing how to make things better, and ample intervention.

It’s lovely that your kids are all well behaved.  Maybe you could spare some grace for those of us who are not similarly blessed.

[Deleted]

I hear kids behaving badly all the time.   We have a no cell phone policy.  Student is using it, and I ask her to put it up.  She gets it out again.

Me:  Please give me your cell phone.

Her:  You mean the cell phone I pay for, and you don't?  No way!

Me:  Yes, that one.

Say what you want, but we would never have talked to an adult like that.  Never.  Ever.  Ever.

And this isn't a one-time occurrence.  Another student said the same thing to me a few months later, and the first one said, "Make sure you call her father, too!"

[alabamagal]

DH and I went out to a nice sushi restaurant for dinner. It was a small, normally quiet place. There was a large group at a table with 4 or 5 couples all sitting together, and 8-10 kids who ranged in age from 2-12 I would guess. The kids were all supposed to be sitting together. They were literally running around the restaurant, running up to the sushi chef, went outside for a while, unfortunately came back in. Meanwhile the parents just sat there and chatted.

It totally ruined our dinner. And it was a parenting problem. The kids shouldn’t have been there if they couldn’t behave.

[regina24601]

Well that didn't last long.

[zibazinski]

Jul 30, 2018 19:11:41 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

DH and I went out to a nice sushi restaurant for dinner. It was a small, normally quiet place. There was a large group at a table with 4 or 5 couples all sitting together, and 8-10 kids who ranged in age from 2-12 I would guess. The kids were all supposed to be sitting together. They were literally running around the restaurant, running up to the sushi chef, went outside for a while, unfortunately came back in. Meanwhile the parents just sat there and chatted.

It totally ruined our dinner. And it was a parenting problem. The kids shouldn’t have been there if they couldn’t behave.

Wouldn’t it be funny if that were taped and then those parents could be publicly shamed for having no parenting skills? Or even better, the manager show some backbone and ask them to have their children sit in their seats or all leave? I’ve only seen this happen one time, in an Italian restaurant. So many customers complained that the manager was forced to ask the parents to leave. They didn’t leave nicely and when everyone clapped as they walked out the door, they came back in with their kids and demanded to be accommodated again or they’d call the police. Manager told them to go ahead. Of course by that time everyone’s meal is ruined. So glad I paid for a babysitter to have a nice dinner out in peace.

[chen35]

Anyway...
C spent the night at my parents on Friday and did great! That was his first time away from both of us. DH and I went to a hotel and had massages and just relaxed, it was fantastic!

Also got formally diagnosed with ADD. I start a medication similar to Adderall tomorrow. I tried a non stimulant first and it was great other than it gave me terrible headaches. I’m honestly relieved and excited to be working toward some solutions.

[andi9899]

Jul 30, 2018 20:55:10 GMT -5 chen35 said:

Anyway...
C spent the night at my parents on Friday and did great! That was his first time away from both of us. DH and I went to a hotel and had massages and just relaxed, it was fantastic!

Also got formally diagnosed with ADD. I start a medication similar to Adderall tomorrow. I tried a non stimulant first and it was great other than it gave me terrible headaches. I’m honestly relieved and excited to be working toward some solutions.

Glad you guys were able to get away, even if just for a little while. It's always good to get a break. It keeps you from smothering the little darlings in their sleep.

[crazycat]

Jul 30, 2018 18:38:22 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

And then there are kids like mine, who are often literally incapable of following directions.  Despite me spending about 60% of my waking hours worrying and stressing how to make things better, and ample intervention.

It’s lovely that your kids are all well behaved.  Maybe you could spare some grace for those of us who are not similarly blessed.

I feel for you , I do . My eldest son , now 26 has severe ADHD . Believe me it was no picnic . He was diagnosed in K . It’s a daily struggle and we made sure he always knew the rules and what was expected of him . But he was no angel . But consistent rules , being very patient , and yes , bribery helped . 
I wish you all the luck with your son . From your posts , I think you are doing a great job with him . Hang in there . 

[azucena]

Reached a new parenting milestone - both girls old enough for sleepovers as evidenced by no call about DD5 (6 on Fri) overnight.  Bonus is that we have two sets of friends with DDs roughly the same ages so we can trade off for free babysitting!  All 3 sets of parents have been waiting for this day.  DD5 was the hold out since she's the youngest.  We knew she could do it, but DD10 didn't have her first sleepover until 7.5 so we were trying to hold off.   We've told her sleepovers will happen more often and also that lil sis will keep the other lil sis busy and out of the big kids hair.  She was still not amused.  Life's not fair kid!

DH and I had dinner out and talked about vacation and long weekend plans for the next year.  Didn't have to put anyone to bed, so we thoroughly enjoyed the night.  

[Chocolate Lover]

Jul 30, 2018 20:55:10 GMT -5 chen35 said:

Anyway...
C spent the night at my parents on Friday and did great! That was his first time away from both of us. DH and I went to a hotel and had massages and just relaxed, it was fantastic!

Also got formally diagnosed with ADD. I start a medication similar to Adderall tomorrow. I tried a non stimulant first and it was great other than it gave me terrible headaches. I’m honestly relieved and excited to be working toward some solutions.

One of the non stimulants made DS soooo emotional, and he was already fairly emotional, so that was a total bust. Hope the new med helps!

[chen35]

Jul 31, 2018 10:37:34 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

Jul 30, 2018 20:55:10 GMT -5 chen35 said:

Anyway...
C spent the night at my parents on Friday and did great! That was his first time away from both of us. DH and I went to a hotel and had massages and just relaxed, it was fantastic!

Also got formally diagnosed with ADD. I start a medication similar to Adderall tomorrow. I tried a non stimulant first and it was great other than it gave me terrible headaches. I’m honestly relieved and excited to be working toward some solutions.

One of the non stimulants made DS soooo emotional, and he was already fairly emotional, so that was a total bust. Hope the new med helps!

So far so good. And it’s supposed to help with binge eating, which I have mild issues with. Hoping this helps me buckle down and lose 15-20 pounds. That would be a nice extra though.

[chen35]

Except after my free trial I think this med will be $250 a month!
I guess I’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

[raeoflyte]

Jul 31, 2018 11:22:40 GMT -5 chen35 said:

Except after my free trial I think this med will be $250 a month!
I guess I’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

Ouch!

[chen35]

I have a coupon for $60 off a month until they end of the year. Then I can look into moving from our hdhp to see if it’s financially worth it.

[Lizard Queen]

How do you go about being diagnosed as an adult? Sometimes I wonder for myself.

[Chocolate Lover]

I'd keep bugging your doctor about coupons, sometimes the companies will just keep putting out new ones but the doctors forget to hand them out. The cost of the long release ones are unreal. The basic Adderall that wears off in about 4 hours is pretty cheap though. 

The long release ones all eventually gave DS a vocal tic. He would clear his throat every 3 seconds until everyone was losing their minds, him included. It made us go back to the basic one and he would have to go to the school nurse midday for his next dose. 

[raeoflyte]

Not to hijack azucena's thread...when did you switch to a booster?  I have a 97th percentile kid 5 1/2 year old and a britax car seat that will accomodate her up to a 85 or 100 pounds (not sure on height, but she'll hit that before the weight requirements but she's good now).  

[Lizard Queen]

We switched at 4, I think.  Car seat went to 85 lbs., but my kid is tall and outgrew it that way.  His main is a harness booster that we're using as a regular booster now, but he barely fits in that as well.

[chen35]

Jul 31, 2018 11:35:07 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

How do you go about being diagnosed as an adult? Sometimes I wonder for myself.

It's something I've always wondered about myself. Apparently you can't 'get' ADHD as an adult, it's something you've had since childhood but just never been diagnosed or have been able to mask the symptoms through sheer determination. I am part of a women in business forum on facebook, and I posted a question asking for advice on how to overcome my depression and anxiety at work, because I just couldn't find motivation to get things done a lot of the time. A general practitioner in the same group pointed out that ADHD symptoms can often mimic depression and anxiety symptoms, and that I should really consider that. From there I  read a fantastic book, Driven to Distraction. I took a quiz from that, and showed most of the symptoms of adult ADD. I called around to find a Dr. that dealt with that and made an appointment. Maybe the term 'formally diagnosed' is misleading. She asked me some questions, looked over my medical history, and agreed that I showed the majority of the symptoms and it would be beneficial to try medication. She's not a psychiatrist, just a general practitioner who deals with adult ADD quite a bit.

[chen35]

Jul 31, 2018 11:38:57 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

I'd keep bugging your doctor about coupons, sometimes the companies will just keep putting out new ones but the doctors forget to hand them out. The cost of the long release ones are unreal. The basic Adderall that wears off in about 4 hours is pretty cheap though. 

The long release ones all eventually gave DS a vocal tic. He would clear his throat every 3 seconds until everyone was losing their minds, him included. It made us go back to the basic one and he would have to go to the school nurse midday for his next dose. 

My doctor was great to prescribe the medicine in three separate doses so I could build up and still use the 30 day trial for all three doses. The pharmacy didn't flinch at the coupon either (which she said sometimes is an issue). She also said sometimes you can find coupons to print off. I will keep asking about it for sure though. 

[Lizard Queen]

Jul 31, 2018 12:09:56 GMT -5 chen35 said:

Jul 31, 2018 11:35:07 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

How do you go about being diagnosed as an adult? Sometimes I wonder for myself.

It's something I've always wondered about myself. Apparently you can't 'get' ADHD as an adult, it's something you've had since childhood but just never been diagnosed or have been able to mask the symptoms through sheer determination. I am part of a women in business forum on facebook, and I posted a question asking for advice on how to overcome my depression and anxiety at work, because I just couldn't find motivation to get things done a lot of the time. A general practitioner in the same group pointed out that ADHD symptoms can often mimic depression and anxiety symptoms, and that I should really consider that. From there I  read a fantastic book, Driven to Distraction. I took a quiz from that, and showed most of the symptoms of adult ADD. I called around to find a Dr. that dealt with that and made an appointment. Maybe the term 'formally diagnosed' is misleading. She asked me some questions, looked over my medical history, and agreed that I showed the majority of the symptoms and it would be beneficial to try medication. She's not a psychiatrist, just a general practitioner who deals with adult ADD quite a bit.

Thank you for the info.  I feel the same way:  lack motivation/depression/anxiety.  Meds for anxiety and depression don't work very well for me.  I've had some issues with distractibility and focus since childhood, but was never hyperactive or anything, and got great grades.  It's definitely not clear-cut for me, but a possibility.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Saw this list of books and thought some of you might be interested.
www.kqed.org/mindshift/45121/20-books-featuring-diverse-characters-to-inspire-connection-and-empathy

[chen35]

Jul 31, 2018 12:28:51 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Jul 31, 2018 12:09:56 GMT -5 chen35 said:

It's something I've always wondered about myself. Apparently you can't 'get' ADHD as an adult, it's something you've had since childhood but just never been diagnosed or have been able to mask the symptoms through sheer determination. I am part of a women in business forum on facebook, and I posted a question asking for advice on how to overcome my depression and anxiety at work, because I just couldn't find motivation to get things done a lot of the time. A general practitioner in the same group pointed out that ADHD symptoms can often mimic depression and anxiety symptoms, and that I should really consider that. From there I  read a fantastic book, Driven to Distraction. I took a quiz from that, and showed most of the symptoms of adult ADD. I called around to find a Dr. that dealt with that and made an appointment. Maybe the term 'formally diagnosed' is misleading. She asked me some questions, looked over my medical history, and agreed that I showed the majority of the symptoms and it would be beneficial to try medication. She's not a psychiatrist, just a general practitioner who deals with adult ADD quite a bit.

Thank you for the info.  I feel the same way:  lack motivation/depression/anxiety.  Meds for anxiety and depression don't work very well for me.  I've had some issues with distractibility and focus since childhood, but was never hyperactive or anything, and got great grades.  It's definitely not clear-cut for me, but a possibility.

One thing I loved about the book is that it highlighted several adults who were extremely successful, got good grades, etc. They thought because of that it wasn't possible that they had ADD. That describes me as well. I've always done great in school, as well as professionally, but it's always felt like it was harder for me to get things done and that I was never really firing on all cylinders. I procrastinate everything. Then the adrenaline of needing to get something done ASAP it what makes me able to focus and get done what I need to.

[gs11rmb]

And now I think I might have ADD...