The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[Wisconsin Beth]

Hugs Pants. I know how much that hurts.

[mollyc]

Sorry Pants.  We had to put Summer Bear down on Saturday for bladder cancer so I know how you are feeling.

[msventoux]

Hugs to Pants and mollyc. I don’t think it’s ever easy or guilt-free to put a pet down, even in the best of circumstances. We try to be good pet parents, but it’s horrible to have to deal with the end of life decisions and what-if’s.

[azucena]

Losing a pet is tough, be gentle with yourself.  I'm sure your kiddos showed him love and probably made sure to drop plenty of "treats" from their high chairs and such.

[Sam_2.0]

Big hugs Pants <3

And more for you too, Molly <3

[steph08]

So sorry for your losses, pants and mollyc. 

I often think my dogs long for the days before the kids came along. But they still seem to have pretty good lives - and extra hands to throw the tennis ball (even if it doesn't go very far).  

[TheOtherMe]

Sorry mollyc

[survivor10]

Had to have a talk with my DD’s pediatrician about putting her on anti anxiety medication.  We talked a little last summer and I did not pull the trigger. I was hoping to avoid the meds route, but I don’t see any other option at this point. She starts college in less than a month and she has to be able to function especially when stressed. Her coping mechanism is to shut down and avoid.  She cannot continue to go 0-60 in terms of her reactions.  I am sad that it has come to this, but her mental health is too important.

[Wisconsin Beth]

We're checking out a cat. A coworker of dh's had a relative pass away and the cat needs a new home. So we'll see how tonight's meeting goes.

I assume it'll go fine and we'll be taking a cat home on Saturday.

[empress of self-improvement]

I'm sorry mollyc

[tcu2003]

I am so sorry about the loss of your pets, bsb and mollyc.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jul 25, 2018 18:06:47 GMT -5 survivor10 said:

Had to have a talk with my DD’s pediatrician about putting her on anti anxiety medication.  We talked a little last summer and I did not pull the trigger. I was hoping to avoid the meds route, but I don’t see any other option at this point. She starts college in less than a month and she has to be able to function especially when stressed. Her coping mechanism is to shut down and avoid.  She cannot continue to go 0-60 in terms of her reactions.  I am sad that it has come to this, but her mental health is too important.

I wish I had sought out medication a lot sooner. Please don't think of it as a failure. Medication can be a tremendous benefit to those who need it.

I do suggest you go to a psychiatrist instead of a GP. All psychs do is prescribe medication (some do talk therapy too but you need to ask). They can find one that suits her individual needs.

Then I go in at the moment every six months because we're still adjusting my dose. DH has his down so we're going to have his GP fill the scrip from now on.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jul 25, 2018 18:06:47 GMT -5 survivor10 said:

Had to have a talk with my DD’s pediatrician about putting her on anti anxiety medication.  We talked a little last summer and I did not pull the trigger. I was hoping to avoid the meds route, but I don’t see any other option at this point. She starts college in less than a month and she has to be able to function especially when stressed. Her coping mechanism is to shut down and avoid.  She cannot continue to go 0-60 in terms of her reactions.  I am sad that it has come to this, but her mental health is too important.

I didn't go on anti-anxiety meds until my early 30s. I wish I'd started sooner. My DD#1 is 20, and I often think of encouraging her to ask about meds. I haven't done it yet. 

[Deleted]

Oh awesome.  Ex 2.0 bought a boat.  I knew this would happen eventually but I was hoping to have Carrot older and a better swimmer before it did.  <sigh>

[Jaguar]

Oh crap minnesotapaintlady, that sucks completely.

[chen35]

Jul 26, 2018 10:53:31 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Oh awesome.  Ex 2.0 bought a boat.  I knew this would happen eventually but I was hoping to have Carrot older and a better swimmer before it did.  <sigh>

Ex 2.0 can't swim, right?

[Lizard Queen]

I've only tried Zoloft for anti-anxiety, and that turned me into a complacent blob.  I'm doing okay without as long as I exercise regularly.  I just don't want to have to go through trying everything under the sun like I have for depression.  (And I'm ultimately taking au naturale St. John's Wort for that!)

[Deleted]

Jul 26, 2018 11:12:27 GMT -5 chen35 said:

Jul 26, 2018 10:53:31 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Oh awesome.  Ex 2.0 bought a boat.  I knew this would happen eventually but I was hoping to have Carrot older and a better swimmer before it did.  <sigh>

Ex 2.0 can't swim, right?

Not really.  He won't sink like a rock, but pretty close.   And he's just a dumbass with boats.  This is the third one he's had since I've known him.  Drinking and boating, going too fast, and of course nobody will have a life jacket on.  I'm hoping it's a POS that he can't get running like the last one and he'll sell it, but it looks pretty nice...and fast.

[Deleted]

Jul 26, 2018 11:22:41 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I've only tried Zoloft for anti-anxiety, and that turned me into a complacent blob.  I'm doing okay without as long as I exercise regularly.  I just don't want to have to go through trying everything under the sun like I have for depression.  (And I'm ultimately taking au naturale St. John's Wort for that!)

I did not like Zoloft either.  It was doing weird things to my brain, so I had to quit.  It got me through PPD and I did cope with shit better, but it was more like because I just didn't care and I didn't really like that either.  Then there was the weird dreams and "brain shocks" (best way I can describe it). 

[Chocolate Lover]

What a timely conversation I've wandered into this morning. My younger DS keeps talking about his anxiety (he has no actual diagnosis but his GF does and he seems to gravitate toward the crowd with issues of all varieties). He does have ADHD and ODD and now I wonder if I need to figure this out too, or he's just getting ideas from others. I know he's not the most laid back, he went to counseling for a year and we just recently stopped, but now there's this and he won't want to go back. He also stopped his ADD meds, but that was several months ago with his doc's ok, with the stipulation that if he starts having school issues and whatnot we will have to start back up. (me & doc both agree on that)

I am just about done this week. He just started marching band but that might not last long either. I heard from the asst band director earlier. DS mentioned to him today that he doesn't know if he wants to do this. I already knew that, it's been a long few days.

I wonder if I can get a pill for ME for his issues.


ETA: I'm not trying to be dismissive of people with anxiety or the idea he might have it, I'm just so very tired from all the running around I've already done with all his other stuff. I'll take a deep breath and keep going now

[MJ2.0]

DS inserted himself into a game of tag with kids older and more agile than he is. And he volunteered to be IT. I don't know why he does these things. He is always talking about how fast or great he is - especially about stuff he has never or rarely done. And then when he gets beaten he is inconsolable. Fortunately one of the kids was nice and basically "let" DS get him out.

I am all for confidence but these situations more often than not are DS setting himself up for continual disappointment. I don't know whether I should interfere or let him keep learning the hard way.

[andi9899]

I say let him learn the hard way. In all my years of parenting, I've found that ultimately they're going to do things their way. I can give advice, but it's a 50/50 shot on them taking it. Meanwhile I'm pissed because if they would just do what I tell them, they'd be better off. Why do that to yourself. If he's not getting physically hurt, let him suck it up.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jul 26, 2018 11:22:41 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I've only tried Zoloft for anti-anxiety, and that turned me into a complacent blob.  I'm doing okay without as long as I exercise regularly.  I just don't want to have to go through trying everything under the sun like I have for depression.  (And I'm ultimately taking au naturale St. John's Wort for that!)[/quote

Be careful with St John's Wort it can render certain birth control methods about as useful as a tic tac.

[Deleted]

Jul 26, 2018 12:20:11 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I say let him learn the hard way. In all my years of parenting, I've found that ultimately they're going to do things their way. I can give advice, but it's a 50/50 shot on them taking it. Meanwhile I'm pissed because if they would just do what I tell them, they'd be better off. Why do that to yourself. If he's not getting physically hurt, let him suck it up.

I'm not sure how you'd interfere anyhow outside of telling him he can't play tag because he's not fast enough.  That doesn't seem good either!  It's good he has confidence to try things.  Eventually he'll learn to accept failure better (hopefully )

[MJ2.0]

I basically agree, but he has self esteem issues that we are working on with the school and therapist. But stuff like this is making it hard to balance between letting him fail and learn and making sure he doesn't feel horrible about himself.

[survivor10]

I have been on generic prozac (fluoxetine) since 2013.  It was life changing for me.  I still worry and have times where my mind races, but it is nothing compared to what it used to be.  I thought it was because of everything I went through with my ex, and while I am sure it is a component, I had signs of anxiety issues as a child.  It is also why my coping mechanism is organization and cleaning.  The more stressed out I feel, the more organizing I do.  I could not control my marriage, but I can control my stuff.  Very much the opposite of a hoarder.  

I always wondered if my daughter has mild ADD.  I had to micromanage her school career through 8th grade and should have continued.  I do know that ADD and Anxiety/Depression can and often go together.  There are also studies out there that show there is a genetic factor as well-my dad should also be on medication but at 78 there is no way I would convince him it was necessary.

A little over two years ago my daughter was dealing with huge self esteem issues because of the abandonment by her dad.  I came home from work about 4pm to find her in her bed with pajamas on , blinds shut, and lights out.  What she verbalized to me was very scary.  I immediately got an appointment with a counselor.  We worked on ways to cope and strategies to help her deal not only with the self esteem but with the anxiety/depression she was dealing with.  Her last two years of high school were better overall and she ended her high school career well, but going to college is on a whole new level.  

She wants to be a nurse.  I know she can handle the material.  I am not as confident with the emotional and mental aspect.  She started to spiral again early June and I knew it was time to do something about it.  I am making her go to a local jr college to start as I want to monitor her.  I have told her depending on how this goes, we can re-evaluate later.  She is a homebody and her wonderful and understanding boyfriend is here so I don't see her leaving, but time will tell.

She knows all about my issues and we have a very open line of communication.  The last thing I wanted was for her to start to self medicate or self harm or worse. I am not sure she would be here today if I hadn't started this process two years ago. I have to do what is best for her.  I just wish there wasn't the stigma with mental health as many people need care and understanding not anger and judgement.

[andi9899]

I think we're way too easy on kids (all of them, not referring to MJ's) these days. We're raising a generation of powder puffs.

When I was younger, you played with other kids. You rode bikes, climbed trees, played sports, etc. Not everyone won and it was ok. You win some, you lose some. Oh well. Not everyone had to have a participation trophy. As long as no one was getting hurt physically (outside of run of the mill bumps and bruises), it was all good.

Today everyone is so worried about what could possibly happen or how not winning or not being the best could affect the poor kid's ego. Let them fail. Failing is how you learn. You fail or you get knocked on your butt. You get up and dust yourself off and you try harder next time. So what.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

[Sam_2.0]

This generation of kids is no different than any other has been since the dawn of time. Its just that parenting amnesia sets in once you get more removed from it

[Lizard Queen]

Jul 26, 2018 12:21:05 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Jul 26, 2018 11:22:41 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I've only tried Zoloft for anti-anxiety, and that turned me into a complacent blob.  I'm doing okay without as long as I exercise regularly.  I just don't want to have to go through trying everything under the sun like I have for depression.  (And I'm ultimately taking au naturale St. John's Wort for that!)[/quote

Be careful with St John's Wort it can render certain birth control methods about as useful as a tic tac.

No worries there.  I'm not on BC at all.  We use condoms.  We used to do both, but I'd rather cool it on messing with my hormones at my age.

[andi9899]

Jul 26, 2018 13:31:42 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

This generation of kids is no different than any other has been since the dawn of time. Its just that parenting amnesia sets in once you get more removed from it

Not real sure what that's supposed to mean. Last I checked, I'm still a parent. Or might you be implying that I coddled my children and don't remember?