The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Poor DH.   Gwen told him last night that her friend told her that the boy Gwen likes likes Gwen back.   She also told him that she wants to get her eyebrow pierced.

He wasn't ready for this so soon.

I assured him it's normal.   Second grade is around when I developed my first crush.  I even remember his name.  It was Brad.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

 Should be a fun weekend particularly adding in the fact that we'll be fielding questions from both kiddos about why daddy is holding frozen peas to his crotch and you can't jostle him. Our cover story is that daddy had a check-up including his private parts and that's private family news so don't go spreading it at school.

Wait till he does his check ups.  You can jack off at the office but they are also willing to let you do it at home and you bring in the sample.   My dad is NOT good at sneaking.   I told him that you're not being very subtle when you exist the bathroom with a brown paper bag blushing beet red.  Kinda easy to figure out what's in the bag.

[anciana]

Sept 22, 2017 9:48:03 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I used our EAP a few times after I had Gwen and she said it's valuable that I am able to identify the problem and sometimes even know the solution.  I usually need help unpacking the steps to get to the solution.

Now I can't even come up with one so I feel like I need extra help.  I explained to the therapist when she was taking notes over the phone that I already know a lot of the CBT techniques to manage anxiety but in the last couple of years my brain has said "no thank you, I like being wired to the hilt".   I need help getting my brain to shut up long enough for me to apply CBT techniques.

  I usually chat with Wisconsin Beth on her "Thank you" thread but she hasn't written in a while so I come here from time to time. I hope coming out of lurkdom is OK. I've dealt with some personal stuff for a while and have found some books that resonated with me in my search for finding answers to questions about what was going on. I hope this won't add more anxiety to NomoreDramaQ1015 life but might help sift through some of the emotional responses.

  The book Irritable Hearts told me that you don't need to go through a horrible one time event to start developing PTSD responses and that it is cumulative throughout your life with triggers that sometimes don't make sense. The book The Evil Hours has shown me how different the symptoms can be. The books Rewire and Upside showed me what can be done and that it is possible to overcome. It's been a while since I read them so not sure if I'm remembering correctly but these few books had a great impact on me. Maybe you can leaf through them at the library or check out on Amazon to see if they might be of any worth to you while searching for answers to your own questions. Good luck!

[raeoflyte]

I really must be out of patience because I'm irritated at your dh for you azucena.  I don't think I could show much empathy. 

[Sam_2.0]

So I am feeling really stupid today. Got the Mirena a few months ago and I haven't had a period since. Well, I was a dummy and thought it meant I wouldn't have any symptoms. LOL, nope, it just takes care of the bleeding and most of the cramps. I still get the random breakouts, upset stomach, general shitty feeling. I mean, I will take what I can get, but for some reason I thought I would be living a life of un-fluctuating hormone bliss Sad it took me a few months to get it too.

[NastyWoman]

Sept 22, 2017 5:18:02 GMT -5 Blonde Granny said:

I'm Grandma or Grandma Florida (distinction between other Grandma). My DH was called Grandpa. Around here in Redneckia my neighbor is called Mee-Maw....who knew? Southerners seem to have interesting names for Grandmothers.....

I called my Grandparents on both sides Grandma+++ and Grand+++ both sides were called using their last name.

My sons did something similar except it was oma+++ and the +++ was the town they lived in. Of course the was also "old oma", who was my grandmother so the kids had to differentiate her from the other two (they were late teen/young adult when old oma passed)

[azucena]

Sept 22, 2017 13:17:38 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I really must be out of patience because I'm irritated at your dh for you azucena .  I don't think I could show much empathy. 

The latest text was about how DD5 made him a sandwich for lunch but she couldn't reach the mayo so it was bread, cheese, and turkey. I guess I should have stayed up last night and made a meatloaf or something LOL.

I'm choosing to laugh and let it provide much needed comic relief to my life given the week I've had. He might not live through it otherwise and then all his "pain and suffering" would have been in vain.

The what to expect paperwork compared it to having minor-medium dental work done - you can drive yourself home afterwards, you will have minimal pain for which they prescribed 3 days worth of Tylenol 3.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 22, 2017 12:51:55 GMT -5 anciana said:

Sept 22, 2017 9:48:03 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I used our EAP a few times after I had Gwen and she said it's valuable that I am able to identify the problem and sometimes even know the solution.  I usually need help unpacking the steps to get to the solution.

Now I can't even come up with one so I feel like I need extra help.  I explained to the therapist when she was taking notes over the phone that I already know a lot of the CBT techniques to manage anxiety but in the last couple of years my brain has said "no thank you, I like being wired to the hilt".   I need help getting my brain to shut up long enough for me to apply CBT techniques.

  I usually chat with Wisconsin Beth on her "Thank you" thread but she hasn't written in a while so I come here from time to time. I hope coming out of lurkdom is OK. I've dealt with some personal stuff for a while and have found some books that resonated with me in my search for finding answers to questions about what was going on. I hope this won't add more anxiety to NomoreDramaQ1015 life but might help sift through some of the emotional responses.

  The book Irritable Hearts told me that you don't need to go through a horrible one time event to start developing PTSD responses and that it is cumulative throughout your life with triggers that sometimes don't make sense. The book The Evil Hours has shown me how different the symptoms can be. The books Rewire and Upside showed me what can be done and that it is possible to overcome. It's been a while since I read them so not sure if I'm remembering correctly but these few books had a great impact on me. Maybe you can leaf through them at the library or check out on Amazon to see if they might be of any worth to you while searching for answers to your own questions. Good luck!

I really like You are a Badass.   I've tried to implement a lot of what she recommends but like I said my brain won't shut up long enough to cooperate.

I've been hesitant to try medication because as I mentioned previously in the thread I was terrified into avoiding it based on a near fatal allergic reaction my grandmother had to Wellbutrin.  The only way at the time to know was to take it and hope I didn't die.

However so much has changed nowadays and the office told me they even have a test they can do now that will show if I have the markers for that potential reaction rather than "here try this and see what happens".  I am more open and comfortable with giving medication a try.

If I could get my brain to shut up I am pretty confident I could get back to a place of stability.

[raeoflyte]

Sept 22, 2017 14:40:04 GMT -5 azucena said:

Sept 22, 2017 13:17:38 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I really must be out of patience because I'm irritated at your dh for you azucena .  I don't think I could show much empathy. 

The latest text was about how DD5 made him a sandwich for lunch but she couldn't reach the mayo so it was bread, cheese, and turkey. I guess I should have stayed up last night and made a meatloaf or something LOL.

I'm choosing to laugh and let it provide much needed comic relief to my life given the week I've had. He might not live through it otherwise and then all his "pain and suffering" would have been in vain.

The what to expect paperwork compared it to having minor-medium dental work done - you can drive yourself home afterwards, you will have minimal pain for which they prescribed 3 days worth of Tylenol 3.

That's probably best.  I'm just apparently in a mood. 

I really try not to compare people's pain.  I can't feel what they feel, and there are certainly things that have knocked me on my ass in ways I didn't expect.  In the last year I've had 3 24 hour periods when I couldn't just power through, which is 3 more times than has happened in the last 20 years.  So I try to keep that in mind when dh is puny and whining.  BUT...then there are days when he just goes on and on and on about what a high pain tolerance he has and I cannot stand it when people talk like that.  

[NastyWoman]

My good deed for today will be not to tell all of you why I did not have a problem with messy cars despite the fact that I had messy kids eating in the car

[TheOtherMe]

Isn't the reason so many men get snipped during March Madness is so they can lay on the couch and watch basketball while feeling sorry for themselves?

[andi9899]

Sept 22, 2017 12:34:13 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Me, pre-kids or with one kid: my children won't eat in the car. They can make it 10 minutes without needing a snack. I won't have the rolling mommy trashcan mobile.

Me, now: OMG. SHUT UP AND EAT A DAMN CRACKER!!!

Said as you toss a pack of them to them.in the backseat. "And make sure you share with your sister!"

[empress of self-improvement]

Sept 22, 2017 12:45:51 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Poor DH.   Gwen told him last night that her friend told her that the boy Gwen likes likes Gwen back.   She also told him that she wants to get her eyebrow pierced.

He wasn't ready for this so soon.

I assured him it's normal.   Second grade is around when I developed my first crush.  I even remember his name.  It was Brad.

She's a late bloomer. Tell him I'm his age and I was married in kindergarten to Jamie Blair. He's got nothing to worry about.

[travelnut11]

Sept 22, 2017 12:26:51 GMT -5 azucena said:

Sharing here because I haven't shared with even my closest friends in real life and have already mentioned it here...

DH got snipped today.

 We're 38 with DD9 and DD5, and I had rough pregnancies so I just knew we were done. DH may have wanted one more to try for a boy but he agreed that me being pregnant again wasn't a great idea.

Anyway, I am done being on the pill and told him it was time to do his share. He agreed but did take almost a year to schedule the appt. I knew taking his time was impt so didn't pressure. 

All that to say, oh for the love of God, men are babies.  After his initial consult, I had to hear about how the dr squeezed "my junk with his cold rubber gloved hands and it was really uncomfortable."  Um, buddy, do you know what women go thru every annual exam?!  And it was not just one conversation about it, it was multiple.  I didn't counter all of them but did say um, remember the internal sonogram that you witnessed for each of our children?  That was great fun for me.

Last night he was all - I'm going to get 2 stitches.  I didn't counter at all but thought to myself - um, C-section for your first child, way more than 2 stiches. Vbac for your second, again stitches, this time on my lady parts.

Then, he started in on I have to shave, what if I cut something down there.  And he had to run to the store to get a jock strap, when was he going to have time to do that.  Um, I pick up my pill pack every month, bought nursing bras, nursing pads, regular pads, etc.

Just now, I get a text at work that says, the numbness has worn off, and all I can think is mesh underwear for at least a week, sitting on an ice pack, and bleeding, oh the bleeding.  Throw in nursing both children and all that entails.  Like the reproductive score is 1,000,000 to 1 here buddy.

Should be a fun weekend particularly adding in the fact that we'll be fielding questions from both kiddos about why daddy is holding frozen peas to his crotch and you can't jostle him.  Our cover story is that daddy had a check-up including his private parts and that's private family news so don't go spreading it at school.  And yes sometimes check-ups hurt to keep you healthy, remember those shots you just had?  Not a great explanation but it's all the detail I'm willing to share with them.

This is about to be my life and I'm expecting the same drama. I've already spouted the statistics at him: two vaginal deliveries, 75 weeks of pregnancy, D&C, humans exiting a tiny hole, stitches, 18 months (and counting) of not getting a full night's sleep, 16 months of nursing,etc,. Yet still he's being dramatic about a 15 minute office procedure. Seriously: men are babies.

[Sam_2.0]

Sept 22, 2017 20:16:46 GMT -5 travelnut11 said:

Sept 22, 2017 12:26:51 GMT -5 azucena said:

Sharing here because I haven't shared with even my closest friends in real life and have already mentioned it here...

DH got snipped today.

 We're 38 with DD9 and DD5, and I had rough pregnancies so I just knew we were done. DH may have wanted one more to try for a boy but he agreed that me being pregnant again wasn't a great idea.

Anyway, I am done being on the pill and told him it was time to do his share. He agreed but did take almost a year to schedule the appt. I knew taking his time was impt so didn't pressure. 

All that to say, oh for the love of God, men are babies.  After his initial consult, I had to hear about how the dr squeezed "my junk with his cold rubber gloved hands and it was really uncomfortable."  Um, buddy, do you know what women go thru every annual exam?!  And it was not just one conversation about it, it was multiple.  I didn't counter all of them but did say um, remember the internal sonogram that you witnessed for each of our children?  That was great fun for me.

Last night he was all - I'm going to get 2 stitches.  I didn't counter at all but thought to myself - um, C-section for your first child, way more than 2 stiches. Vbac for your second, again stitches, this time on my lady parts.

Then, he started in on I have to shave, what if I cut something down there.  And he had to run to the store to get a jock strap, when was he going to have time to do that.  Um, I pick up my pill pack every month, bought nursing bras, nursing pads, regular pads, etc.

Just now, I get a text at work that says, the numbness has worn off, and all I can think is mesh underwear for at least a week, sitting on an ice pack, and bleeding, oh the bleeding.  Throw in nursing both children and all that entails.  Like the reproductive score is 1,000,000 to 1 here buddy.

Should be a fun weekend particularly adding in the fact that we'll be fielding questions from both kiddos about why daddy is holding frozen peas to his crotch and you can't jostle him.  Our cover story is that daddy had a check-up including his private parts and that's private family news so don't go spreading it at school.  And yes sometimes check-ups hurt to keep you healthy, remember those shots you just had?  Not a great explanation but it's all the detail I'm willing to share with them.

This is about to be my life and I'm expecting the same drama. I've already spouted the statistics at him: two vaginal deliveries, 75 weeks of pregnancy, D&C, humans exiting a tiny hole, stitches, 18 months (and counting) of not getting a full night's sleep, etc, 16 months of nursing.. Yet still he's being dramatic about a 15 minute office procedure. Seriously: men are babies.

"Yeah, now I gotta get my nuts cut because you don't want more babies. How is that fair?" The death-glare must have been pretty damn effective because he immediately shut up and I've not heard a word since. Still no permanent decisions made but I've told him that it is 100% his problem to deal with now.

[empress of self-improvement]

Sept 22, 2017 21:10:45 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Sept 22, 2017 20:16:46 GMT -5 travelnut11 said:

This is about to be my life and I'm expecting the same drama. I've already spouted the statistics at him: two vaginal deliveries, 75 weeks of pregnancy, D&C, humans exiting a tiny hole, stitches, 18 months (and counting) of not getting a full night's sleep, etc, 16 months of nursing.. Yet still he's being dramatic about a 15 minute office procedure. Seriously: men are babies.

"Yeah, now I gotta get my nuts cut because you don't want more babies. How is that fair?" The death-glare must have been pretty damn effective because he immediately shut up and I've not heard a word since. Still no permanent decisions made but I've told him that it is 100% his problem to deal with now.

I would have given him the frying pan upside the head, pick a head, screw the death glare!

[quince]

I'm the one irrationally afraid of my husband getting fixed. I have to keep pointing out to MYSELF that everything I did was more painful AND more dangerous, and he didn't give me crap or worry me about those risks.

As soon as I'm stable, he's making an appointment for a consultation.

[giramomma]

Sept 22, 2017 12:48:35 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

 Should be a fun weekend particularly adding in the fact that we'll be fielding questions from both kiddos about why daddy is holding frozen peas to his crotch and you can't jostle him. Our cover story is that daddy had a check-up including his private parts and that's private family news so don't go spreading it at school.

Wait till he does his check ups.  You can jack off at the office but they are also willing to let you do it at home and you bring in the sample.   My dad is NOT good at sneaking.   I told him that you're not being very subtle when you exist the bathroom with a brown paper bag blushing beet red.  Kinda easy to figure out what's in the bag.

Thanks for posting this. This has been one of my biggest concerns with DH. I know he needs to talk to his office, but at least we've got some viable options..

That said, we'll be frank about why DH is getting snipped. But, we have no decorum in our household anymore.

DS likes to gallop around the house clapping his cups together like they are coconuts from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Or he'll chase his sisters with them in hand. Most thrilling, after his little league game this past Sunday, DS decided to take his cup off in my car as I was driving home. He was in the passenger seat. I was like WTF, dude.

The peanut treats us to lifting up her shirt and singing "Nipple Party, Nipple Party." Her newest thing is to comment on which one of my bras she prefers. The last time she saw DS's cup she ran around the house yelling "Big Brother's PENIS!"

I did however, miss the girls chanting "Vagina" in the car on the way home from school one day. The peanut was trying to remember what the proper name was, and DD1 felt it necessary to make sure the peanut knew. DH made the mistake of asking them to stop instead of just ignoring.

The kids will be OK with hearing that we're not taking any more chances about getting any more siblings, and we've already had the birth control talk with 2/3rds of our kids..(not the peanut, yet.)

[travelnut11]

giramomma when are you due again? Do you know what you're having this time?

[giramomma]

Sept 23, 2017 8:19:25 GMT -5 travelnut11 said:

giramomma when are you due again? Do you know what you're having this time?

Mid-December...we are having another girl.

I feel bad for DH. In 7 years, DH will be dealing with two girls in puberty (one a new member, one a seasoned teen), a menopausal me, and a 6ish year old girl.

And no DS.

[zibazinski]

His fault!!

[Wisconsin Beth]

There is hope. C and k got up, had cheerios for breakfast and let us have a lazy morning in bed. They came in a couple of times but after 9am, I'm not quibbling about that. I got a LOT od sleep last night.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I've got K in a cooking class. They're making carrot cupcakes. She wants me to hang around so I'm in the back of the room with a Pepsi, my Kindle and the manual for the trailer.

Her friend K is also in the class. I'm taking her home after class. Her mom had an appointment.

[TheHaitian]

Hey all, total estimate to fix the car came to 3k so I will be paying my max of 1k deductible plus having to rent a car till Oct 3 (2 weeks).

Besides that Carlie is great!! We had a miscommunication (yeah right) when I overheard my wife tell my MIL in 6 months Carlie will be going to Daycare. What? When? Wow...

She said we discussed it, and how her mom is old and cannot handle Carlie. No we did not, this cheap bastard would remember something as important as taking on a ~2k/month expense, that would require us to completely re-work our budget.

So we decide to put that on pause till we have an ACTUAL discussion about it with numbers involved not a factual one.

Today they went out to Georgetown and the Zoo using the bus/train system; I am stuck at work. Off tomorrow and hoping to declutter the basement, arrange things for garage sale in a couple of weeks and clean there.

[justme]

Oh dear. I would have had a hard time not responding so your mom is going to start paying market rent in six months? Great!

[whoisjohngalt]

Sept 23, 2017 16:24:52 GMT -5 justme said:

Oh dear. I would have had a hard time not responding so your mom is going to start paying market rent in six months? Great!

I come from the culture that has similar ideas about helping family, grandparents watching my kids for free, etc. but holy shit - *I* wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut and that is EXACTLY what I would have asked.

Ummm, did the MIL got old and fragile overnight?

[yogiii]

Sept 23, 2017 16:34:24 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

Sept 23, 2017 16:24:52 GMT -5 justme said:

Oh dear. I would have had a hard time not responding so your mom is going to start paying market rent in six months? Great!

I come from the culture that has similar ideas about helping family, grandparents watching my kids for free, etc. but holy shit - *I* wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut and that is EXACTLY what I would have asked.

Ummm, did the MIL got old and fragile overnight?

No, I think it's all a fantasy camp of wanting to watch the grand kids.  Then the grand kid is actually there and it's like "oh shit, this is hard, um never mind".  I've seen it before.

[econstudent]

Sept 23, 2017 16:34:24 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

Sept 23, 2017 16:24:52 GMT -5 justme said:

Oh dear. I would have had a hard time not responding so your mom is going to start paying market rent in six months? Great!

I come from the culture that has similar ideas about helping family, grandparents watching my kids for free, etc. but holy shit - *I* wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut and that is EXACTLY what I would have asked.

Ummm, did the MIL got old and fragile overnight?

My guess is that Carlie getting older brings out the "I'm too old for this."

I worry about this with my inlaws. They watch my SIlL's kid and while it's fine now, I've seen how exhausted they get running around with my kids for a couple days. It's going to be downright exhausting as a FT job.

[travelnut11]

Sept 23, 2017 8:23:03 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Sept 23, 2017 8:19:25 GMT -5 travelnut11 said:

giramomma when are you due again? Do you know what you're having this time?

Mid-December...we are having another girl.

I feel bad for DH. In 7 years, DH will be dealing with two girls in puberty (one a new member, one a seasoned teen), a menopausal me, and a 6ish year old girl.

And no DS.

Oh wow, so soon. Why is it that other people's pregnancies go so much faster than my own?

My husband is the only male in our house too. Even the cat is a girl!

[Deleted]

Sept 23, 2017 14:16:58 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

She said we discussed it, and how her mom is old and cannot handle Carlie. No we did not, this cheap bastard would remember something as important as taking on a ~2k/month expense, that would require us to completely re-work our budget.

Wait.  Old?  I thought she was just a few years older than me??    (Or maybe I'm thinking of your Mom).