The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[Deleted]

These pants were too tight, most of her shorts are too short (I asked the other day if she was wearing pants because her sweatshirt passed them), and she does have to be aware of cleavage... (I've told her whenever she wants a reduction let me know)... BUT i'll admit most of what makes me nervous for her at school is how weirdly she dresses. Her candy corn skirt with her alien riding a narwhal t-shirt... her sequined vest over her Worlds greatest dad t shirt 

So this is 100% me not wanting her to be negatively judged by other people... which is not something I should worry about.

I'm always telling my son I don't know how exactly to help him with his anxiety that makes him replay conversations and interactions worried he did something wrong... just that I outgrew it when I got old enough to not really care what other people think... 

now i want to go complain about the 16 year old that already has the, like me or don't, your choice, ignore me or go fuck yourself... down pat.

i think it's my own residual issues. 

[Lizard Queen]

Sept 6, 2017 10:57:31 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 6, 2017 10:50:36 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

That sounds like a loop hole that your school didn't properly address. (And I agree--who wants to see/smell that crap?) The boys at my school didn't get any more slack in the dress code than the girls.

No they addressed it when they first rolled the dress code out and girls objected.  We were told it's not the same thing. 

Uh yeah it is exactly the same.  Distracting is distracting, the notion that one is more important to address because it's "sexual" in nature is bull shit.  The girls had to start a petition and take it all the way to the school board before it got applied to both genders.

It is indeed distracting. Glad they were successful in getting it changed.

[Lizard Queen]

Sept 6, 2017 11:07:48 GMT -5 oped said:

These pants were too tight, most of her shorts are too short (I asked the other day if she was wearing pants because her sweatshirt passed them), and she does have to be aware of cleavage... (I've told her whenever she wants a reduction let me know)... BUT i'll admit most of what makes me nervous for her at school is how weirdly she dresses. Her candy corn skirt with her alien riding a narwhal t-shirt... her sequined vest over her Worlds greatest dad t shirt 

So this is 100% me not wanting her to be negatively judged by other people... which is not something I should worry about.

I'm always telling my son I don't know how exactly to help him with his anxiety that makes him replay conversations and interactions worried he did something wrong... just that I outgrew it when I got old enough to not really care what other people think... 

now i want to go complain about the 16 year old that already has the, like me or don't, your choice, ignore me or go fuck yourself... down pat.

i think it's my own residual issues. 

Sorry, but I LoL'd at the clothing discription. It sounds very silly and fun.

I'm like your DS, btw. I thought it was an introvert thing, but it could be the anxiety.

[alabamagal]

Sept 6, 2017 10:49:48 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 6, 2017 10:14:55 GMT -5 Pants said:

Just one of the reasons modesty culture is 27 kinds of fucked up. 

What really surprised me is after watching WNTW is how many women have the same hang up.  The one episode the women protested about the length of the shirt because "What if I raise my arm above my head?" Clinton asked her exactly how often was she going to be doing that and if she did so what?  It's not like she was showing her underwear, it was just a tiny bit of skin.

Here I thought I was the only looney tune in the dressing room raising her arms up and down to see if I saw any skin when I moved.

It is much harder for a tall person with long trunk. Sometimes I just have to hope the top makes it to my pants when my arms are down.

I do have a hang up about crop pants. I will not wear them at all. I wear shorts or pants down to my shoes. I am fine with other people wearing them, just not me. Growing up my mom had trouble finding pants that were long enough because it was before they did slim sizes for girls. Now I don't need tall sizes but I never have to hem pants.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 6, 2017 11:07:48 GMT -5 oped said:

These pants were too tight, most of her shorts are too short (I asked the other day if she was wearing pants because her sweatshirt passed them), and she does have to be aware of cleavage... (I've told her whenever she wants a reduction let me know)... BUT i'll admit most of what makes me nervous for her at school is how weirdly she dresses. Her candy corn skirt with her alien riding a narwhal t-shirt... her sequined vest over her Worlds greatest dad t shirt 

So this is 100% me not wanting her to be negatively judged by other people... which is not something I should worry about.

I'm always telling my son I don't know how exactly to help him with his anxiety that makes him replay conversations and interactions worried he did something wrong... just that I outgrew it when I got old enough to not really care what other people think... 

now i want to go complain about the 16 year old that already has the, like me or don't, your choice, ignore me or go fuck yourself... down pat.

i think it's my own residual issues. 

If she's fine with it and rocks it then more power to her.   The fact that she's that comfortable in her own skin this early is a great thing.  As long as she's dressing appropriately when called for (funerals, weddings, job interviews etc) then who cares what she wears to class?

The one valuable thing I took from  being bullied that it doesn't matter how much you try to conform if they don't like you they will find something else to pick on you about.

I used to own a purse shaped like a pig and I LOVED that purse.  This was in middle school.  I was harassed constantly about it.  One day I gave into peer pressure and stopped carrying it.

Not a single one of those people became my friend.  Not a single one of them noticed I stopped carrying it.   Instead they move on to picking on me about being short or wearing the wrong clothes or whatever else they could use to justify not allowing me into their group.

Several of my teachers noticed I stopped carrying it and asked me why.   They were disappointed I gave into peer pressure and provided me with the above food for thought.

It was a valuable lesson.  After that I stopped giving a shit what other people though and I was a lot happier.  I conform as needed to function in society obviously but screw you if you don't like my purse.  If that is the criteria you are going to use to decide if I am a worthy person then you aren't worth my time.

I carried a pug shaped purse while working at Creighton.  Gave my boss a heart attack because it was realistic enough he thought I was hiding an actual dog in my desk.  We all had a laugh when I showed him it was a purse.

[Pants]

Sept 6, 2017 11:07:48 GMT -5 oped said:

These pants were too tight, most of her shorts are too short (I asked the other day if she was wearing pants because her sweatshirt passed them), and she does have to be aware of cleavage... (I've told her whenever she wants a reduction let me know)... BUT i'll admit most of what makes me nervous for her at school is how weirdly she dresses. Her candy corn skirt with her alien riding a narwhal t-shirt... her sequined vest over her Worlds greatest dad t shirt 

So this is 100% me not wanting her to be negatively judged by other people... which is not something I should worry about.

I'm always telling my son I don't know how exactly to help him with his anxiety that makes him replay conversations and interactions worried he did something wrong... just that I outgrew it when I got old enough to not really care what other people think... 

now i want to go complain about the 16 year old that already has the, like me or don't, your choice, ignore me or go fuck yourself... down pat.

i think it's my own residual issues. 

Can you approach it from an anthropological perspective? In-group/out-group identifiers and the brutality of crowds? I plan to kind of have that convo with my girls, something like: You can wear what you want, and absolutely should. But people are shitheads and kids and teens specifically are very good about identifying things that make you not fit, and exploiting those things to strengthen their own social positions. You can wear whatever you want and I will support you, but know that your clothes may lead others to try a pack mentality towards you to bolster their own social position. It's not your fault but it could happen and I just wanted to flag that for you. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I would also add if you want to wear what you want then own it.   If you aren't comfortable in your skin people can sense that and act accordingly.  If you aren't comfortable there is nothing wrong with changing but keep in mind that those people you are changing for will likely move onto something else.  Be comfortable not only with who you are but how far you're willing to go to conform.   Don't force ourself outside the box if you aren't comfortable with it but don't cram yourself in if you're not comfortable with it either.

The only thing I really plan on putting my foot down about are certain body modification type stuff.   If you want to wear giant gauges you can do that when you are 18 and on your own insurance once you realize you've turned yourself into dumbo and need your earlobe surgically fixed.   Same goes with tattoos, you want a flaming wolf head on your chest you can do that hwen you're old enough to pay to have it removed once you realize how stupid it is.

And for hte love of all that is holy DO NOT let someone put things INTO your body.   Implants are foreign objects and it's essentially plastic surgery with all the complication risk that come with it.  If a responsible ethical licensed plastic surgeon wouldn't do it for you, then don't go to someone who isn't and get it done.

Piercing wise I am fine with just about anything so long as they make sure to go to a reputable place.  You can't do anything in Iowa till you are 18 anyhow.  14 in Nebraska but I have to sign off on it which would be taken on a case by case basis.

[Deleted]

We kind of had that conversation, it went like this... me: it's just, well, some people aren't as nice as maybe they should be... daughter: then fuck them.


I agree on body mod. She has two nose piercings but anything permanent is no. 

Did i mention she bleached her hair again this weekend because she figures she'll just dye it School colors so she doesn't have to worry about stupid spirit days every week...

[Wisconsin Beth]

I let the kids pick out their own clothes, for the most part. They both have their own sense of fashion and what works together and I let them roll with it. But we're mostly talking mix and matching between Kohls and Target.

Although K does have a fondness for shoes.lol.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I had friends who dyed their hair every color of the rainbow. 

She does need to be careful with bleaching, too often and it'll get brittle which will cause it to fall out.  

I'd say she's way ahead of most people her age and probably ahead of a lot of us adults on here when it comes to people's attitudes and opinions of her.  Good for her.   I'm actually a tiny bit jealous.

[Deleted]

She's been dying for years. She does keep it shorter any more because it is never healthy for long. We have had that talk. 

The thrift store is her favorite outside of hot topic. 

You are right. I'm going to relax and just let her be...

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 6, 2017 11:15:44 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

Sept 6, 2017 10:49:48 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

What really surprised me is after watching WNTW is how many women have the same hang up.  The one episode the women protested about the length of the shirt because "What if I raise my arm above my head?" Clinton asked her exactly how often was she going to be doing that and if she did so what?  It's not like she was showing her underwear, it was just a tiny bit of skin.

Here I thought I was the only looney tune in the dressing room raising her arms up and down to see if I saw any skin when I moved.

It is much harder for a tall person with long trunk. Sometimes I just have to hope the top makes it to my pants when my arms are down.

I do have a hang up about crop pants. I will not wear them at all. I wear shorts or pants down to my shoes. I am fine with other people wearing them, just not me. Growing up my mom had trouble finding pants that were long enough because it was before they did slim sizes for girls. Now I don't need tall sizes but I never have to hem pants.

There's a difference between needing tops that fit your proportions and being afraid people are going to judge you as immoral if a tiny bit of your skin shows when you reach for something on a shelf.

I know when something doesn't fit.   My weird arm rising ritual when trying on clothes has nothing to do with that.  It's fear of being judged if you can see the waistband of my pants or a bit of skin when I move.

That was the chick on WNTW's issue as well.   I thought was the only person whose relative gave them that particular warped perspective.

[econstudent]

Sept 6, 2017 11:07:48 GMT -5 oped said:

These pants were too tight, most of her shorts are too short (I asked the other day if she was wearing pants because her sweatshirt passed them), and she does have to be aware of cleavage... (I've told her whenever she wants a reduction let me know)... BUT i'll admit most of what makes me nervous for her at school is how weirdly she dresses. Her candy corn skirt with her alien riding a narwhal t-shirt... her sequined vest over her Worlds greatest dad t shirt

My daughter would love her outfit. Granted, she is only six and we haven't had to worry about teasing about clothes yet. M comes up with "unique" combinations...what can I say, she's very creative. I tell her "I don't think that matches, but if you want to wear it anyway, that's up to you."

She thinks it's terribly unfair that girls (women) have to wear a shirt outside but boys/men don't.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 6, 2017 12:50:47 GMT -5 econstudent said:

Sept 6, 2017 11:07:48 GMT -5 oped said:

These pants were too tight, most of her shorts are too short (I asked the other day if she was wearing pants because her sweatshirt passed them), and she does have to be aware of cleavage... (I've told her whenever she wants a reduction let me know)... BUT i'll admit most of what makes me nervous for her at school is how weirdly she dresses. Her candy corn skirt with her alien riding a narwhal t-shirt... her sequined vest over her Worlds greatest dad t shirt

My daughter would love her outfit. Granted, she is only six and we haven't had to worry about teasing about clothes yet. M comes up with "unique" combinations...what can I say, she's very creative. I tell her "I don't think that matches, but if you want to wear it anyway, that's up to you."

She thinks it's terribly unfair that girls (women) have to wear a shirt outside but boys/men don't.

You're girl is smart.  Used to be both sexes back in the 20's-40' s had to be completely clothed in public, hence those god awful bathing suits you see in old time photos.

Then society got into it's head that only women need to cover up to protect our virginity modesty and that our chests are considered "obscene".  Never mind I've seen men with WAAAY bigger chests than I have out and about with no shirt on.

[Deleted]

I'm far from a prude, but some of the stuff the girls are wearing these days is pretty bad.  IMO, while school is more casual than a place of work, you still shouldn't show up dressed like you're going to a night club. 

I haven't seen THIS bad at the high school here, but PRETTY DAMN CLOSE. 

[taz157]

I'm far from a prude but OMG on that outfit. It looks like she should be walking the streets, not high school. 😱👎

[Deleted]

Like I said, never seen them THAT bad here, but I have seen them wearing either shorts or skirts pretty much that short with solid tank tops (not the mesh with stickers on the nipples). 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Of course there is a line.  If you want to function in society there are social norms that you have to comply with.   There are very few people who are willing to go so far outside of cultural and societal  norms that they risk complete isolation from "the group".

Clothes have meaning and that's why you wear black to a funeral and people will likely frown if you show up in neon yellow.  It's why you wear a suit to an interview.  Dressing appropriately as the situation calls for is not the same as telling women they can't go topless in public or need to cover your shoulders to protect boys from being distracted.

There is a lot of room between having to keep your shoulders covered to protect the boys' ability to learn and THAT.

[Jaguar]

Well my niece dressed in negligees all through her teens, she is now a very good business woman. She knew she was hot and good looking and she used that to her advantage. Her boyfriend is a kidney doctor from France. She is very successful.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Bodices were popular when I was in HS. 

[quince]

Sept 6, 2017 12:17:59 GMT -5 oped said:

We kind of had that conversation, it went like this... me: it's just, well, some people aren't as nice as maybe they should be... daughter: then fuck them.


I agree on body mod. She has two nose piercings but anything permanent is no. 

Did i mention she bleached her hair again this weekend because she figures she'll just dye it School colors so she doesn't have to worry about stupid spirit days every week...

Your girl is awesome. Holy moly.

[Deleted]

Good thing I have boys, there is just no way I'd let my teen daughter wear negligees to school. 

[raeoflyte]

I agree with Quince.

I had a friend like that who was a bit quirky, but never seemed to care what other people thought.  I was super jealous of her for that.  She is still an amazingly awesome independent adult who I admire.  

[Jaguar]

Sept 6, 2017 13:50:33 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Good thing I have boys, there is just no way I'd let my teen daughter wear negligees to school. 

They all just grow out of it.

[raeoflyte]

Sept 6, 2017 13:50:33 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Good thing I have boys, there is just no way I'd let my teen daughter wear negligees to school. 

I didn't wear them to school, but I did wear them to Rocky horror picture show every Saturday night.  I just had to work through some stuff, and am thankful I was able to do that in my teens before my parents could track me my phone to know where I really was.  

I swear I'm relatively normal now.  No one I work with at least would have any clue.  

ETA:  I don't know how I will parent my kids when they get to that age.  There are a lot of things I did that I hope they don't do.  How honest I will feel like I can be with them I don't know, and everything is so dependent on attitude imo.  

[raeoflyte]

Sept 6, 2017 12:50:47 GMT -5 econstudent said:

Sept 6, 2017 11:07:48 GMT -5 oped said:

These pants were too tight, most of her shorts are too short (I asked the other day if she was wearing pants because her sweatshirt passed them), and she does have to be aware of cleavage... (I've told her whenever she wants a reduction let me know)... BUT i'll admit most of what makes me nervous for her at school is how weirdly she dresses. Her candy corn skirt with her alien riding a narwhal t-shirt... her sequined vest over her Worlds greatest dad t shirt

My daughter would love her outfit. Granted, she is only six and we haven't had to worry about teasing about clothes yet. M comes up with "unique" combinations...what can I say, she's very creative. I tell her "I don't think that matches, but if you want to wear it anyway, that's up to you."

She thinks it's terribly unfair that girls (women) have to wear a shirt outside but boys/men don't.

I love E's style.  She combines C's hand me downs, her clothes and the dress up closet and its adorable.  I really hope that doesn't get squashed out of her.  

Over the summer she really wanted to just wear swim trunks like C without a swim shirt, and that was a tough conversation.  

[Pants]

Sept 6, 2017 14:03:49 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Sept 6, 2017 12:50:47 GMT -5 econstudent said:

My daughter would love her outfit. Granted, she is only six and we haven't had to worry about teasing about clothes yet. M comes up with "unique" combinations...what can I say, she's very creative. I tell her "I don't think that matches, but if you want to wear it anyway, that's up to you."

She thinks it's terribly unfair that girls (women) have to wear a shirt outside but boys/men don't.

I love E's style.  She combines C's hand me downs, her clothes and the dress up closet and its adorable.  I really hope that doesn't get squashed out of her.  

Over the summer she really wanted to just wear swim trunks like C without a swim shirt, and that was a tough conversation.  

Why? She's like 4 right? 

My girls wear swim shirts because we are a pale people with a family history of skin cancer and also sunscreen allergies. But otherwise I'm not sure I'd care. 

[Pants]

Sept 6, 2017 13:19:47 GMT -5 taz157 said:

I'm far from a prude but OMG on that outfit. It looks like she should be walking the streets, not high school. 😱👎

Is there a valid reason we are focused on shaming someone I assume is a stranger and also a minor? 

[raeoflyte]

Sept 6, 2017 14:48:59 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 6, 2017 14:03:49 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I love E's style.  She combines C's hand me downs, her clothes and the dress up closet and its adorable.  I really hope that doesn't get squashed out of her.  

Over the summer she really wanted to just wear swim trunks like C without a swim shirt, and that was a tough conversation.  

Why? She's like 4 right? 

My girls wear swim shirts because we are a pale people with a family history of skin cancer and also sunscreen allergies. But otherwise I'm not sure I'd care. 

At home I don't care, but for swim lessons I have her wear a swim shirt.  I don't have a good reason for it and told her its a sucky thing that girls are expected to keep their chest covered.  Both kids wear swim shirts outside almost always because they're pale.   

Just like I didn't have a good reason why when their mutual (boy) friend spent the night, C could sleep in the same bed with friend and E could not.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Abby used to just wear a swim diaper till I became aware that she's like me and goes up like a human torch.  So now she wears a one piece.  I went back to wearing a swim suit that covers my stomach after I got a really bad sun burn at the water park.  More covered surface area means less area to remember to slather in sunscreen.

Meanwhile Gwen tans like her father, jealous.