The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[Sharon]

Just a little update on DD and her BFing woes.  They had a very good appointment with the lactation consultant today.  DGD has regained the weight she lost after birth plus a couple of ounces, she will be 2 weeks old on Thursday.  The LC consultant told DD that they both now have the hang of the concepts but just need some more practice to become proficient.  She was also told they can now start going off babies cues just so long as they don't go longer than 4 hours between feedings.  DD is hoping to finally get more than an hour or two of sleep.  In about a week they have come a long way from a tiny syringe and feeding every two hours with each feeding taking over an hour.

In all she met with the lactation consultant before DGD was born.  She saw her once or twice in the hospital.  I know they were supposed to see her one last time before they were discharged and she bailed so not sure on that.  They were supposed to have an appointment on Sunday but again the the LC bailed.  When they rescheduled they got a different lady who DD really liked and really felt like she helped her.  She gave her practical suggestions of try this and do this and helped her right there rather than did you watch the video.  The good lactation consultant also upgraded her two the tube and much better syringe for feedings which went better and faster.  There is also a BFing support group that is free and meets on Saturdays at the hospital.  DD went last Saturday and was again pleased with the help she received.  Today she met once again with the lady who helped her so much and is feeling much better about the whole thing.

[tcu2003]

That stinks, clhen. Has he made friends there? Having a roommate or renting a room in a house (or garage or basement apartment) could help alleviate the problem.

[tcu2003]

Great news, Sharon! So happy to hear things are going better with DD and DGD.

[Deleted]

Sigh. Every freaking day she asks if I think this is ok to wear to school, every time I say no i don't think so or I wouldn't she tells me why I'm wrong. Why ask me then for fucks sake? 

[Deleted]

The more I think on this the more I struggle. I love that she's her own person and doesn't care what other people think. I don't want her to be self conscious instead. But she isn't a little person, and things she wore before, very short shorts, these jeggins that just look like leggings to me with a crop top? Gah. They don't fit the dress code, but it's become obvious that really isn't enforced. She's like, I have to take gym clothes tomorrow anyway, if they make me change. I would have been mortified if asked to change. But I don't want her to be mortified, but yikes, I'm sure people are judgy... but should that matter? 

And how can her gym  clothes be better than those pants? And if so doesn't that say something? 

[chen35]

Sept 5, 2017 21:04:16 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

That stinks, clhen. Has he made friends there? Having a roommate or renting a room in a house (or garage or basement apartment) could help alleviate the problem.

He says he has made friends, but I think he's just trying to appease me. I think he's mostly been moping.

[chen35]

Sept 5, 2017 21:42:37 GMT -5 oped said:

The more I think on this the more I struggle. I love that she's her own person and doesn't care what other people think. I don't want her to be self conscious instead. But she isn't a little person, and things she wore before, very short shorts, these jeggins that just look like leggings to me with a crop top? Gah. They don't fit the dress code, but it's become obvious that really isn't enforced. She's like, I have to take gym clothes tomorrow anyway, if they make me change. I would have been mortified if asked to change. But I don't want her to be mortified, but yikes, I'm sure people are judgy... but should that matter? 

And how can her gym  clothes be better than those pants? And if so doesn't that say something? 

Ugh, I'm sorry oped. DS17 just barely passed the stage where all he would wear was basketball shorts. He still will not wear long pants no matter how cold it is. Drives me nuts, but I pick my battles.
Are you afraid the way she dresses is affecting her ability to either learn, or make friends?

[Deleted]

She has already made friends, if anything it's more a solid this is me statement... take it or leave it. And she has people she talks about in almost all her classes. 

The dress code says things like no tight clothes, no shoulders out, mid thigh, nothing distracting, but as far as I can see they actually don't enforce it. I doubt her ability to learn is being impacted... and people might give her a sideways glance or whisper, but it's unlikely to cause a disturbance. 

She wore a skirt she made herself today with superhero material. That was fine. Cute and her. 

But, I don't know, those pants are too tight! Even if we were running out from home I'd be like, I don't think those are great in public unless your shirt covers your crotch. Sigh. 

[Pants]

Sept 5, 2017 22:11:30 GMT -5 oped said:

She has already made friends, if anything it's more a solid this is me statement... take it or leave it. And she has people she talks about in almost all her classes. 

The dress code says things like no tight clothes, no shoulders out, mid thigh, nothing distracting, but as far as I can see they actually don't enforce it. I doubt her ability to learn is being impacted... and people might give her a sideways glance or whisper, but it's unlikely to cause a disturbance. 

She wore a skirt she made herself today with superhero material. That was fine. Cute and her. 

But, I don't know, those pants are too tight! Even if we were running out from home I'd be like, I don't think those are great in public unless your shirt covers your crotch. Sigh. 

Tell her if they dress code her you'll help campaign for a dress code that isn't sexist. 

Or just start telling her that everything looks super cute and OMG can you borrow that? If my mom had done that it would have changed my wardrobe pretty quick. 

[Deleted]

Yes! This. I have to love it all! 

My poker face will need work. 

[quince]

My eldest son keeps asking to have his younger brother go to daycare with him. It's adorable. He goes once a week right now, though maybe more this week while I get my head together (I understand the term "crippling anxiety" now.)  

Whenever I drop off/pick up the eldest the other kids swarm my youngest. They have babies there so mine is just extra cuddly? J informs them all that Q is HIS baby brother. 

Two thumbs up for peer pressure nudging my kid to adore his baby brother!

[quince]

Sept 5, 2017 22:18:51 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 5, 2017 22:11:30 GMT -5 oped said:

She has already made friends, if anything it's more a solid this is me statement... take it or leave it. And she has people she talks about in almost all her classes. 

The dress code says things like no tight clothes, no shoulders out, mid thigh, nothing distracting, but as far as I can see they actually don't enforce it. I doubt her ability to learn is being impacted... and people might give her a sideways glance or whisper, but it's unlikely to cause a disturbance. 

She wore a skirt she made herself today with superhero material. That was fine. Cute and her. 

But, I don't know, those pants are too tight! Even if we were running out from home I'd be like, I don't think those are great in public unless your shirt covers your crotch. Sigh. 

Tell her if they dress code her you'll help campaign for a dress code that isn't sexist. 

Or just start telling her that everything looks super cute and OMG can you borrow that? If my mom had done that it would have changed my wardrobe pretty quick. 

I love this. (especially the campaigning for a neutral dress code!)

Or just say, I'm not sure that's within your dress code, but you're the one there all day. Wear what makes you comfortable.   Cringe on the inside!

[Deleted]

I do kind of like that older son's school has a strict dress code.  It takes the pressure off the parents and makes the school the bad guys.  Not that my son would ever choose to wear anything but jeans and t-shirts, but I know parents of girls that appreciate it.   I don't know what is up with the trend to dress like street girls is in high school now, (not saying your daughter is doing that oped), but holy crap, I go by the public high school and to pick up DS from robotics club there and am floored by the stuff they're wearing. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 5, 2017 22:18:51 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 5, 2017 22:11:30 GMT -5 oped said:

She has already made friends, if anything it's more a solid this is me statement... take it or leave it. And she has people she talks about in almost all her classes. 

The dress code says things like no tight clothes, no shoulders out, mid thigh, nothing distracting, but as far as I can see they actually don't enforce it. I doubt her ability to learn is being impacted... and people might give her a sideways glance or whisper, but it's unlikely to cause a disturbance. 

She wore a skirt she made herself today with superhero material. That was fine. Cute and her. 

But, I don't know, those pants are too tight! Even if we were running out from home I'd be like, I don't think those are great in public unless your shirt covers your crotch. Sigh. 

Tell her if they dress code her you'll help campaign for a dress code that isn't sexist. 

Or just start telling her that everything looks super cute and OMG can you borrow that? If my mom had done that it would have changed my wardrobe pretty quick. 

The girls at my HS campaigned against the dress code.   We were not allowed to wear tank tops unless the straps were two inches or more wide because we were told that it distracts the boys from learning.

Meanwhile the boys were wearing sports jerseys with the arms cut off so low you could see their nipples if they moved wrong, not to mention we were forced to stare at sweaty teen boy arm pit hair all day long.

The girls pointed out that's just as distracting to us. Why should boys be allowed to expose even more skin than girls?  Why is it okay that we're distracted while learning but heaven help the boys if they saw a rouge bra strap.

Shockingly the school system agreed and changed the code.  Boys had to start wearing T-shirts under their jerseys. 

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2017 8:52:16 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 5, 2017 22:18:51 GMT -5 Pants said:

Tell her if they dress code her you'll help campaign for a dress code that isn't sexist. 

Or just start telling her that everything looks super cute and OMG can you borrow that? If my mom had done that it would have changed my wardrobe pretty quick. 

The girls at my HS campaigned against the dress code.   We were not allowed to wear tank tops unless the straps were two inches or more wide because we were told that it distracts the boys from learning.

Meanwhile the boys were wearing sports jerseys with the arms cut off so low you could see their nipples if they moved wrong, not to mention we were forced to stare at sweaty teen boy arm pit hair all day long.

The girls pointed out that's just as distracting to us. Why should boys be allowed to expose even more skin than girls?  Why is it okay that we're distracted while learning but heaven help the boys if they saw a rouge bra strap.

Shockingly the school system agreed and changed the code.  Boys had to start wearing T-shirts under their jerseys. 

I agree it should be the same for both.  At my son's school the only choice of shirts are polo or oxford and you can only have the top button unbuttoned.  I guess girls can wear skirts and boys can't, but that's the only difference I know of in the dress code. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

In other news Abby went to the potty, unprompted THREE times yesterday.   Twice at my mom's and once before she went to bed. 

One time she even pooped!   I went into the bathroom at my mom's and saw stuff in the toilet, thinking it was Gwen not flushing/wiping again I asked if she did it and she said no.  Well I didn't do it, mom didn't do and I am pretty sure Phoebe can't use the toilet.   So I asked Abby if she did it and she said "uh huh".

No clue as to when she went, my mom said she didn't hear her go into the bathroom.  But we celebrated anyhow.

Still going to hold off on underwear, I have PTSD from this weekend when she had her accident.   While I want to be done with Pull-Ups sooner rather than later I will admit they are MUCH easier to get off than poop soaked underwear.

[raeoflyte]

I struggle with clothing.  I do have a knee jerk reaction to super short and tight clothing, but I hate the message it sends to harp on that stuff and regularly tell dh to shut his trap.  I also hate the huge difference in cut and style of clothing based on gender.  A size 6 tshirt should be relatively similar in size regardless if I buy it in the boys or girls section, but it isn't, and shorts/pants are a different story all together.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I distinctly remember being a child and my grandmother constantly tugging on my shirts to make sure they "covered my crotch".  It wasn't like I didn't have pants/shorts/skirt on so what exactly was I being expected to cover?  What "assets" does a five year old have that require modesty? 

It instilled in my brain that any shirt that does not go down to at least mid thigh is "shameful".  Drove my mother insane because I would stretch all my clothes out trying to yank the hem down to where it was considered "proper".

I've watched What Not to Wear and read enough fashion blogs by now to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my shirts ending at my natural waistline and that in fact I did myself a real disservice by wearing extremely long and baggy shirts all those years because it makes me look even more child like than I already do.

But my grandmother's voice is in my head every time I go clothes shopping.  It's been an uphill battle to get over the intense shame/discomfort I feel every time I can see the waist/crotch of my jeans.   I still tug on my shirts and have to forcibly remind myself not to do it.

[zibazinski]

I hear ya. I'm the one who dressed and undressed in a closet because my grandma said god sees everything you're doing. I didn't want God to see me naked.

[MJ2.0]

Sept 5, 2017 22:11:30 GMT -5 oped said:

She has already made friends, if anything it's more a solid this is me statement... take it or leave it. And she has people she talks about in almost all her classes. 

The dress code says things like no tight clothes, no shoulders out, mid thigh, nothing distracting, but as far as I can see they actually don't enforce it. I doubt her ability to learn is being impacted... and people might give her a sideways glance or whisper, but it's unlikely to cause a disturbance. 

She wore a skirt she made herself today with superhero material. That was fine. Cute and her. 

But, I don't know, those pants are too tight! Even if we were running out from home I'd be like, I don't think those are great in public unless your shirt covers your crotch. Sigh. 

ah, I remember the clothing battles. I was (and am still) relatively conservative, but sometimes I wanted to be cute. Clueless had just come out (still love that movie, and I'm planning to be Cher at a Halloween party this year) so I bought the short plaid skirts, mary janes, and stockings. My mom wasn't thrilled. I also did the overall bibs with a less-than-waistlength shirt and wife beaterish tank top with workout pants. Once my mom told me I looked slutty. Huh, I hadn't realized the slutty girl uniform was workout gear...

Luckily she missed the VERY short skirts I wore in college. Again, not all the time.

[Pants]

Sept 6, 2017 10:08:56 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I distinctly remember being a child and my grandmother constantly tugging on my shirts to make sure they "covered my crotch".  It wasn't like I didn't have pants/shorts/skirt on so what exactly was I being expected to cover?  What "assets" does a five year old have that require modesty? 

It instilled in my brain that any shirt that does not go down to at least mid thigh is "shameful".  Drove my mother insane because I would stretch all my clothes out trying to yank the hem down to where it was considered "proper".

I've watched What Not to Wear and read enough fashion blogs by now to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my shirts ending at my natural waistline and that in fact I did myself a real disservice by wearing extremely long and baggy shirts all those years because it makes me look even more child like than I already do.

But my grandmother's voice is in my head every time I go clothes shopping.  It's been an uphill battle to get over the intense shame/discomfort I feel every time I can see the waist/crotch of my jeans.   I still tug on my shirts and have to forcibly remind myself not to do it.

Just one of the reasons modesty culture is 27 kinds of fucked up. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I was talking to my mom about it and she reminded me that my grandmother wore panty hose, a girdle, a bra and a slip underneath her clothing regardless of what seh was wearing or the weather outside.  I need to take fashion advice she gave me with a grain of salt.

My mom was the rebel.  My grandmother was always trying to make her wear a slip and mom hated it.  She'd wait till she was far enough past the house that grandma couldn't see her, then duck in the bushes to remove the slip and stuff it in her back pack.  She'd put it back on before she walked in the door after school.   Says grandma never did figure it out.

[MJ2.0]

Sept 6, 2017 10:16:18 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I was talking to my mom about it and she reminded me that my grandmother wore panty hose, a girdle, a bra and a slip underneath her clothing regardless of what seh was wearing or the weather outside.  I need to take fashion advice she gave me with a grain of salt.

My mom was the rebel.  My grandmother was always trying to make her wear a slip and mom hated it.  She'd wait till she was far enough past the house that grandma couldn't see her, then duck in the bushes to remove the slip and stuff it in her back pack.  She'd put it back on before she walked in the door after school.   Says grandma never did figure it out.

my mom always tried to get me to wear slips too.  Thank God for majorettes - I just wore my bloomers instead!

[zibazinski]

Yes and no. I've read posts here where the parents are screaming they can't buy clothes for their young girls that don't look trampy. It's okay if you want to dress like a tramp but you should be able to not on the same token.

[MJ2.0]

I don't want to be able to see your underwear, full stop - regardless of gender.  Or if you drop something, you should be able to somehow pick it up without flashing anyone.

[Lizard Queen]

My mom wouldn't even let me wear black or animal prints. But it's fine for little girls these days. I also couldn't wear my hair down, because she said it looked back. I had beautiful hair back then! Now it bugs me if I don't have it up. She was just a controlling bitch to me.

I do think there's a middle ground, however. I grew up in the 80's and wore skin tight jeans. There was nothing comfortable about them. My school had a fairly conservative dress code for public school. It was fine. I survived not wearing tanks or belly baring clothes just fine.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

You can survive without wearing tank tops, but it is sexist when the boys are running around wearing tank tops that show A LOT more than a 1.5 inch strap does but it's okay because they are "hot" and it's "uncomfortable" for them to have to wear sleeves.

I still gag when I recall the one football player sitting next to me in class wearing a ripped up T-shirt so low you could see his pants.  When he raised his arm I got a face full of hair. .. with chunks of deoderant clinging to it.

How the hell is that not distracting?!   I certainly wasn't thinking of him in a sexual manner but having to concentrate on not barfing sure was preventing me from learning.

I was supposed to "just not look at it".   Then why can't he just not look at me?  Why am I supposed to be modest to protect his ability to learn while he can be nasty as all get out and that's okay?

That was the case the girls made to the school board and got the dress code changed.  If tank tops are considered distracting then neither sex should get to wear them.   Forbidding girls from wearing them sends the message that men are too stupid to be able to control their urges and we're expected to do it for them.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 6, 2017 10:14:55 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 6, 2017 10:08:56 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I distinctly remember being a child and my grandmother constantly tugging on my shirts to make sure they "covered my crotch".  It wasn't like I didn't have pants/shorts/skirt on so what exactly was I being expected to cover?  What "assets" does a five year old have that require modesty? 

It instilled in my brain that any shirt that does not go down to at least mid thigh is "shameful".  Drove my mother insane because I would stretch all my clothes out trying to yank the hem down to where it was considered "proper".

I've watched What Not to Wear and read enough fashion blogs by now to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my shirts ending at my natural waistline and that in fact I did myself a real disservice by wearing extremely long and baggy shirts all those years because it makes me look even more child like than I already do.

But my grandmother's voice is in my head every time I go clothes shopping.  It's been an uphill battle to get over the intense shame/discomfort I feel every time I can see the waist/crotch of my jeans.   I still tug on my shirts and have to forcibly remind myself not to do it.

Just one of the reasons modesty culture is 27 kinds of fucked up. 

What really surprised me is after watching WNTW is how many women have the same hang up.  The one episode the women protested about the length of the shirt because "What if I raise my arm above my head?" Clinton asked her exactly how often was she going to be doing that and if she did so what?  It's not like she was showing her underwear, it was just a tiny bit of skin.

Here I thought I was the only looney tune in the dressing room raising her arms up and down to see if I saw any skin when I moved.

[Lizard Queen]

Sept 6, 2017 10:41:01 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

You can survive without wearing tank tops, but it is sexist when the boys are running around wearing tank tops that show A LOT more than a 1.5 inch strap does but it's okay because they are "hot" and it's "uncomfortable" for them to have to wear sleeves.

I still gag when I recall the one football player sitting next to me in class wearing a ripped up T-shirt so low you could see his pants.  When he raised his arm I got a face full of hair. .. with chunks of deoderant clinging to it.

How the hell is that not distracting?!   I certainly wasn't thinking of him in a sexual manner but having to concentrate on not barfing sure was preventing me from learning.

I was supposed to "just not look at it".   Then why can't he just not look at me?  Why am I supposed to be modest to protect his ability to learn while he can be nasty as all get out and that's okay?

That was the case the girls made to the school board and got the dress code changed.  If tank tops are considered distracting then neither sex should get to wear them.   Forbidding girls from wearing them sends the message that men are too stupid to be able to control their urges and we're expected to do it for them.

That sounds like a loop hole that your school didn't properly address. (And I agree--who wants to see/smell that crap?) The boys at my school didn't get any more slack in the dress code than the girls.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 6, 2017 10:50:36 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Sept 6, 2017 10:41:01 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

You can survive without wearing tank tops, but it is sexist when the boys are running around wearing tank tops that show A LOT more than a 1.5 inch strap does but it's okay because they are "hot" and it's "uncomfortable" for them to have to wear sleeves.

I still gag when I recall the one football player sitting next to me in class wearing a ripped up T-shirt so low you could see his pants.  When he raised his arm I got a face full of hair. .. with chunks of deoderant clinging to it.

How the hell is that not distracting?!   I certainly wasn't thinking of him in a sexual manner but having to concentrate on not barfing sure was preventing me from learning.

I was supposed to "just not look at it".   Then why can't he just not look at me?  Why am I supposed to be modest to protect his ability to learn while he can be nasty as all get out and that's okay?

That was the case the girls made to the school board and got the dress code changed.  If tank tops are considered distracting then neither sex should get to wear them.   Forbidding girls from wearing them sends the message that men are too stupid to be able to control their urges and we're expected to do it for them.

That sounds like a loop hole that your school didn't properly address. (And I agree--who wants to see/smell that crap?) The boys at my school didn't get any more slack in the dress code than the girls.

No they addressed it when they first rolled the dress code out and girls objected.  We were told it's not the same thing. 

Uh yeah it is exactly the same.  Distracting is distracting, the notion that one is more important to address because it's "sexual" in nature is bull shit.  The girls had to start a petition and take it all the way to the school board before it got applied to both genders.