The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[alabamagal]

Aug 28, 2017 22:39:35 GMT -5 Sharon said:

Thanks everyone for the suggestions.  I do know that her milk has come in and she is attempting to breastfeed but is also pumping and feeding with a spoon and syringe.  I don't know how much weight she has lost but I do know that feeding has been a concern from the hospital.  They weren't supposed to be released from the hospital until they had another feeding then all of a sudden it was you can go home BUT we want you to come back the next day to meet with the lactation consultant.  The next day they get a phone call that the lactation person is sick.  When they were discharged it was oh baby is doing good she hasn't lost as much weight % wise as average (This was Saturday).  Then today it is baby is losing too much weight but we can turn it around. 

Not sure what suggestions she has received etc from them.  I wish I could go to the pedi appt but they live half hour/45 minutes away and DD and SIL protect their privacy beyond what most people do.  I know I would not be welcomed unless it was a dire emergency and SIL was not available. 

DD takes everything very very seriously and I don't think she will stand up to them and tell them to Fuck Off.

When I go down tomorrow I think I will try the following things. 
    DD is very, very modest so I will try sitting at the kitchen table while she sits with baby on the couch (open concept house).  So I'm not too close and seeing too much. 
    I am also going to suggest that she set a timer for 10-15 minutes and try to get her to feed during that time.  If not then go back to the teaspoon.  I suspect, but don't know for sure, they feed for 5 minutes or so baby falls asleep so they quit.
    I will suggest the wet wash cloths, tickling feet etc.

I did tell her this evening that this is a decision between she and her husband and the doctors can make recommendations but that they don't know what is best for their family.  I do know the hospital has a strong doula program so I may suggest that she meet with the doula and maybe she will get more help.

If the baby is not getting enough because he is falling asleep, it is just something that you can work through.  If the baby is screaming and hungry, that is a different problem.  A baby has a built in mechanism for when they are not getting enough food - crying.  As someone else said, the docors are maybe a bit too obsessed with weight charts.

I had one sleepy baby, it seemed like he slept his whole first 2 weeks (I know a lot of people think this sounds wonderful!).  I don't remember how much weight he lost, but he started out at 9 1/2 lbs maybe lost up to a pound?  Eventually he got to where he was more awake and started eating more.  I had to go to my OB when he was 1 week old and he gave me Benadryl for a bad reaction I was having and said to call him if the baby started sleeping more.  As I walked out I though "He sleeps all the time, how can he sleep even more?"

[empress of self-improvement]

Aug 28, 2017 21:26:20 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Aug 28, 2017 17:35:47 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Peer pressure will deal with the thumb sucking. Of course it's replaced by playing with your privates. 😂

He doesn't suck it in public. We've been working on him at home, but we are about at the point to have to do something at night to get him to stop.

Get him braces. I stopped sucking my thumb the month after they came off. I was 16.

[Deleted]

Aug 29, 2017 9:44:05 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

And your area has some, drama - might be Omaha based, but they're out there. It's just not as talked about as much as the ones at the hospital or the hospital support groups. I didn't realize home visits were a thing until joining a couple of crunchier moms groups local to my area.

Our LLL group did home visits.  I don't know how much of a connection they had with the hospital.   I had tons of problems with my first, mainly excruciating pain for the first 6 weeks, then it was all fine.  I still have no idea what changed, but I'm pretty sure the couple visits with the lactation consultant didn't help.  I think he just got bigger/better latch.   I was bracing for the second to be the same thing only knowing that there was an end to it made it less horrible to think about, but damned if there wasn't any pain at all from the get go.  Nothing has been the same with these two kids. 

The first was breast only.  He wouldn't even take a bottle, but I stayed home with him so it didn't matter.  The second one was in daycare and went back and forth between the breast/bottle with no problem at all. 

[zibazinski]

I bottle fed both of mine. They're just as weird as breast fed ones.

[WholeLottaNothin]

I attempted breastfeeding both and ended up bottle feeding. I was upset at the time and honestly feel it contributed to my PPD with Roggie. In hindsight, formula was the best thing to happen, for me and them. It beat them starving.

[azucena]

Yeah, the traveling LC aren't necessarily associated with the hospital. They usually are 'private practice' types so not covered by insurance but I figured the $50 or whatever it cost was money well spent.  Mine was willing to provide phone support and an additional visit if needed.  A good place to start would be LLL and if you end up connected to super strict folks there you may end up getting more lectures than help. Breastfeeding support groups sometimes also meet at hospitals or another place here that has them is a baby clothing resale shop. My church is big enough to have a parenting group that talks about nursing.  Definitely connecting with crunchier moms will help you find the best connections.

If she has an apt with a LC, they can also help get her properly fitted with pump flanges.  I had no idea there were different sizes, totally made a difference in what I was able to pump at work.

She may surprise you with the modesty aspect.  I'm totally modest and private but breastfeeding felt so natural that I wasn't inhibited.

Others have given you good advice here.  My mom was awesome at dealing with all of the house, food and day to day stuff to let me just focus on the baby.

[andi9899]

I bottle fed both of mine. I tried breast feeding with Thing 1 but I couldn't do it. It was too painful. I didn't even try with Thing 2. They're both normal. Well, as normal as they can be being related to me.

[raeoflyte]

Aug 28, 2017 16:00:33 GMT -5 Pants said:

Aug 28, 2017 13:58:59 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

We've had super honest conversations with the kids.  It can be uncomfortable, but being uninformed is worse in my opinion.  The last time it came up, somehow it turned to teenagers, and yes, that can and does happen with teenagers, and C offered up, that they should wait until they were 28--right?  I wish I had written down the conversation so I could show it to him at 16.  

Thank you for all the support.  I was pissy at dh again last night after really trying to let something go at least for the evening.  Who knows.  I should probably go back to my therapist to work through some resentment issues in my free time.  Tonight though I'm going drinking with my high school bff.  Guaranteed not to help, but still be enjoyable.  

Sorry, Rae. Sometimes I try to let things go. It usually doesn't work. I hope you have fun tonight with your friend! 

And a question: was this the same therapist who told you it was unfair of you to ever resent your DH? Because if so I think maybe not talking to that particular therapist would be good...

Hell to the no.  I went to her once and that was one times too many.  

[dee27]

DD was breastfed until I returned to work when she was 5 months old since I could not pump at work; YDS was bottle fed. DD usually fell asleep during a night time feeding. I just received a pamphlet about BF in the hospital, but my friend was a lactation specialist and she offered helpful advice.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

After a certain point with BFing I just did not give a crap.  You look at boobs everywhere else in this country why is mine being used as "god" intended so offensive?  You ain't the one that has to walk around with wet shirt if you can't get situated while wearing a tarp in order to prevent anyone from witnessing your "dirty pillows".

I've seen people BF under wraps, jackets, blankets like pros but I never could master the level of coordination needed.  Never could figure out how to BF and read a book./eat/drink/answer the phone at the same time either.

I love how this country loves to shove "breast is best" down your throat and judge your worth as a mother if you don't, but then when you do breastfeed you are shamed for it because it's "icky".

[Wisconsin Beth]

I never figured out how to bf in any position other than sitting up. So being able to do anything else meant sanity to me.

I like the afghans with a loose knit for covers, esp if it was made with a lightweight yarn. I'd toss it over one shoulder and off we'd go.

I also had the happy puke who'd puke every night after I'd nurse him to sleep. Didn't matter what I'd do or how carefully I'd move him.


But I think this just points out that everyone's experiences with breastfeeding are different in some shape or form.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Gwen used to puke in a fashion that rivaled Linda Blair.  I have no idea where it would all come from, you'd think her little body couldn't hold that much milk.

Once she barfed so much it covered me, the floor AND the chair I was sitting in  When I stood up there was a perfect outline of my body that was untouched by puke.  We had to get the chair professionally cleaned.

I was prepared with Abby.  DH looked at me like I was crazy when the first time I BF-ed her at home I covered the chair in towels, he got it when I reminded him of the great puke incident of 2010.

Abby never did barf now that I think about it. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Aug 29, 2017 14:46:51 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Gwen used to puke in a fashion that rivaled Linda Blair.  I have no idea where it would all come from, you'd think her little body couldn't hold that much milk.

Once she barfed so much it covered me, the floor AND the chair I was sitting in  When I stood up there was a perfect outline of my body that was untouched by puke.  We had to get the chair professionally cleaned.

I was prepared with Abby.  DH looked at me like I was crazy when the first time I BF-ed her at home I covered the chair in towels, he got it when I reminded him of the great puke incident of 2010.

Abby never did barf now that I think about it. 

C just puked every night. I got the brunt of it. My upper torso would be soaked/covered. I nursed on a glider rocker thing that was mostly wooden. What wasn't wooden was washable. And it was on a wooden floor after the first few times.

But I had to stop talking about it with my mom because she'd almost always come back with "its just a little bit. It just looks like so much more" until she walked in on him puking all over me. She was stunned.

ETA thete is no way I'd have had two kids if K puked like that. I was dithering on a second kid for a bit but hell no would have been my answer is my first kid was a puke instead of the second one.

[MJ2.0]

My one regret regarding DS is that I even bothered to BF at all.  He was a hungry kid from the get go and outpaced my supply by miles, so I almost always felt like a failure.  BFing also exacerbated my PPD.  Luckily I was never pressured by the hospital, and X was supportive.  We supplemented immediately (had to since DS was in the NICU for 6 days), and after I went back to work we just did formula.  I felt much more like myself after I stopped.  If I ever have another kid, I'm going the formula route with no question.

[quince]

I was lucky with my boys as far as digestion went. I also love breastfeeding. I will miss it when I'm done. (Probably more when  I see what my boobs look like when they deflate. )

J's teeth are all fixed. Around the crown and the front fillings I need to pull  the floss down and then draw it through so as not to risk catching the crown/filling. Thank goodness, he thinks it tickles and is funny.

They gave a rx mouthwash that had him hiding in his bedroom to avoid toothbrushing by the second day- we called and they said it was optional, so we discontinued- I do not need to undo all the work getting him compliant with toothbrushing if it isn't necessary! 

Follow up dental visit this Thursday and then hopefully all can be put behind us for a while. 

A book about math has displaced a book about dinosaurs as his favorite bedtime book. 

[zibazinski]

Aug 29, 2017 15:56:07 GMT -5 quince said:

I was lucky with my boys as far as digestion went. I also love breastfeeding. I will miss it when I'm done. (Probably more when  I see what my boobs look like when they deflate. )

J's teeth are all fixed. Around the crown and the front fillings I need to pull  the floss down and then draw it through so as not to risk catching the crown/filling. Thank goodness, he thinks it tickles and is funny.

They gave a rx mouthwash that had him hiding in his bedroom to avoid toothbrushing by the second day- we called and they said it was optional, so we discontinued- I do not need to undo all the work getting him compliant with toothbrushing if it isn't necessary! 

Follow up dental visit this Thursday and then hopefully all can be put behind us for a while. 

A book about math has displaced a book about dinosaurs as his favorite bedtime book. 

Another interesting child 👶🏻 😂

[Sharon]

Went down an hung out with DD for a couple of hours this afternoon and got a little more of the story.  When they left the hospital DGD had lost 3% of her birth weight which is less than average.  At the appointment yesterday she was down to 5% loss from birth weight which is about normal.  They were also concerned because she had only had 2 wet diapers on Sunday.  The doctor wants her try and be back at birth weight in two weeks.  Tomorrow they check in with the pedi again and also meet with the lactation person again.  By the time I left this afternoon she'd had 5 wet diapers.  I suspect that the pedi tells everyone that they want to try and be back at birth weight in two weeks but that DD took it very personally and took it that she is a failure etc.

DD was well aware of all the tricks that were given for keeping a baby awake.  When I was there this afternoon she was trying to wake her up and that kid never did fully wake up.  She was able to get about 20ml down her with a syringe before she was completely out cold again.  DD did say that she has her nights and days reversed and is much more awake at night.  She also said that she will be waking up and then will suddenly fully wake up and start crying and then they can't get her to focus on nursing.

She said tomorrow the pediatrician wants to see how she is doing and then they might talk about attaching a tube to her finger and letting her suck the breast milk that way through the tube.  DD was a lot less frustrated and upset this afternoon.

Thank you everyone for all the help, suggestions etc.

[tcu2003]

Aug 29, 2017 15:56:07 GMT -5 quince said:

I was lucky with my boys as far as digestion went. I also love breastfeeding. I will miss it when I'm done. (Probably more when  I see what my boobs look like when they deflate. )

Ditto on loving breastfeeding.  I had some definite struggles with both kids in the early days, especially with M with the jaundice, lip tie, lack of buccal pads, and having to pump after nearly every feeding, but once I finally got into a groove with each kid, life got much easier.  I love the way each of my kiddos would fall asleep nursing, when their eyes would nearly roll back in their head and their eyelids drift closed; the way they get so excited when it's time to nurse; and the way for that instant, you are their entire world - no matter what has happened, in that moment, all is right and okay.  On days I struggled, be it with nursing, balancing work/home/marriage/parenthood, or something else, some of those quiet moments are what helped ground and center me - remind me that it is okay to just be, to experience that moment.

On the flip side, I could do without getting bit when each child was testing out new teeth, middle of the night pumping with M to keep up my supply with all of her milk transfer issues, and having to pump at work.  

[tcu2003]

M turns one tomorrow - seriously, where has this last year gone?!?  Time has flown by.  She's walking, climbing stairs, chairs and whatever else she can, and babbles up a storm when she's feeling chatty.  I adore watching her and C interact - he is her favorite person and vice versa.  She emulates him, and it's so cute - he likes to pretend to be different animals, especially ones that roar like T Rex, lions, jaguars, etc. so she has picked up on how to roar, and it's so funny.  

And cute C story - he drew a family portrait at kindergarten, and labeled them dad, mom and sister.  For some reason, M's portrait seriously looks like a stegosaurus - no idea why she is a dinosaur, but it's hilarious.  

[taz157]

School hadn't even started yet and this could be a long school year. I's teacher sent us a packet of info about her, the kid's day, overview of what they'll learn, etc. She used 5-7 different fonts for the whole thing.

DH's first impression from that isn't positive...

We have an open house on Thursday for us and DD to meet her teacher and drop off her school supplies.

[Sam_2.0]

I gave up on the cover and just wear a lot of V-neck shirts. Know how to get your own row on an airplane? Sit down with baby and whip out a boob. LOL! Worked for all 4 flights It's funny, but I think we draw less attention without a cover than I did with one. Only one person has ever commented on me feeding the babies in public, and that was a nice comment. I keep waiting for the rude ones because I have some pent up crazy to unleash, but apparently my fierce RBF scares most of them away

[WholeLottaNothin]

I have an appointment with the neurologist this afternoon. I am dreading it. I am not in the mood to deal with one more thing lately.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Going to whine.  DH screwed up because he did not read his vacation policy properly.  By taking half days and stuff he burned thru his entire allotment of vacation before June.  Which meant in August when we went on vacation tht entire week was unpaid.  I did not know this and he did not bother to check until we got his paycheck and it was $500 short.

Managed not to kill him, we all make mistakes but as tight as we are we NEED that $500.  I got $200 we owe to Children's Physicians when we took Gwen there thinking she broke her foot.  Then there are oru credit cards which need paid off, there is the loan we are paying off for the other half of the credit cards AND I am paying $118 a month currently for Statistics from now until December.

I've looked into getting a second job, there is pretty much mo fat left in our budget. I am pushing DH to cut the cable cord but I haven't had the time/energy/money to get the stuff to get rid of it.

On top of that I am REALLY sick  MIL saying  we should get Gwen into gynmastics.   Sorry she is taking karate this year to the tune of $75 a month (plus $40 for testing).  Unless you are volunteering to pay AND drive her to all the classes, rehearsals and recitals then we'll talk.  Otherwise please shut up about it and when she talks about it remind her she picked karate and a committment is a comittment.

Abby's birthday is next weekend which fortunately I got her presents really early and my mom is buying the cake.

Can't get into the psychatrist until October 25th.  Don't have the time/energy to hunt down another office and try to find one that has evening hours so I am not spending time driving all over Omaha when I should be working.

Made an appointment with an orthodontist but I am not sure what the point even is since we'll never be able to afford to fix my teeth at the rate we are going.

Pissed at work because with what I do it's super easy to take it for granted.  People assume since there is no obvious signs of the work Iam doing (outside of everyone would be out of a job if the mice did not exist) that must mean I have all the time in the world to do more stuff!  Meanwhile downstairs is doing it's thing and I am ticking off CM because I was depending on them to call for overcrowds/deaths but it's only a "courtesy" I need to be downstairts every day checking myself.   Which I would and SHOULD be doing but you try telling that to my PIs.  I am so far behind downstairs it's ridiculous.   That technician they promised last July has never materialized.

Meanwhile I am also still expected to be the lab babysitter and inventory keeper.  We had NINE fucking bottles of PBS when I checked on Friday.  Now we have none.  That's apparently MY fault. Who the hell used NINE bottles in two days?!  If you are working the weekend then fucking tell me so I can order stuff to be here by Monday after you used it all.

And the hospital still has not called.  My application is still active but I have no clue if that means I am still in the race or if I've been sucked down the application black hole never to know I wasn't picked till someone finally gets around to updating the software.  I pretend to be aloof about it but I REALLY want this job.  If I don't get it I'll be crushed.  It's a different kind of crushed than being unemployed or in a job I hate and not getting a new job but I'll still be crushed.   This was a unicorn job.

[raeoflyte]

hugs drama.  

[Wisconsin Beth]

Hugs drama. It'll be ok eventually.

[Jaguar]

<< BIG HUGS >> to Drama

[muttleynfelix]

Hugs Drama.

[finnime]

NomoreDramaQ1015

[TheOtherMe]

Drama  

[muttleynfelix]

OH MY GOD! I was downloading some EOBs to get paid back from my HSA. And I noticed a charge for over $4k from a lab that my insurance isn't going to cover. We haven't seen the bill, but I am freaking out. I don't even know what it was for (it is for DH and that date he had some cortisone shots). We just used half our savings for a new AC unit. I went ahead and paid that in full. But then we got the bill for $1400 for DH'S treatment the same day as the lab claim. I had to set up a payment plan. Our savings haven't been this low in 10 years. I'm freaking out. I guess no gymnastics for our kids for a year or two. I probably should pull Jocelyn from preschool, but I won't. So now what to do. DH just needs to get disability, but at this point that may be a huge uphill battle. I know he thinks he can work, but I don't see how or what. I've already pulled my retirement back to just to get the match. If we cut cable, we have to cut Internet to save any money. Our cell phones are pretty cheap. Not sure what else to cut.

Eta: nevermind. We apparently did get the bill and it was $75.