The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[zibazinski]

Aug 28, 2017 20:02:47 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

My mom never told my sister or me much of anything.  We had movies at school and she talked  to us about periods.  It was sex she never talked about to us.  Sister said she asked her when she got home from her honeymoon if she had any questions.  Both Sister and BIL still laugh about that.

I have never married so I guess I didn't need to know.  

😂😂😂

[suesinfl]

Aug 28, 2017 20:02:47 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

My mom never told my sister or me much of anything.  We had movies at school and she talked  to us about periods.  It was sex she never talked about to us.  Sister said she asked her when she got home from her honeymoon if she had any questions.  Both Sister and BIL still laugh about that.

I have never married so I guess I didn't need to know.  

With my period, my mom only asked me if I wanted pads or tampons. As for sex, it was the night before I married my first husband (I had just turned 18) and the only thing she said was "I hope you don't get pregnant right away". Gee, thanks mom.

[Lizard Queen]

I got no talks about sex or periods from my parents. Guess they figured the Catholic school I attended would cover it. I learned everything from friends and tv before we ever got to that in school. Actually, I don't even remember how much the school covered. We saw some old movies is all I remember. Nothing like what was in that link I posted earlier. I am stunned/amazed that they'd be so open and thorough on public television.

[Lizard Queen]

Aug 28, 2017 17:35:47 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Aug 28, 2017 15:45:19 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

[br0]

Ben loves to suck his thumb and pick his nose at the same time. He is 7! 7! I just him to stop sucking his thumb.

Peer pressure will deal with the thumb sucking. Of course it's replaced by playing with your privates. 😂

Oh, they already do that too.

[muttleynfelix]

Aug 28, 2017 17:35:47 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Aug 28, 2017 15:45:19 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

[br0]

Ben loves to suck his thumb and pick his nose at the same time. He is 7! 7! I just him to stop sucking his thumb.

Peer pressure will deal with the thumb sucking. Of course it's replaced by playing with your privates. 😂

He doesn't suck it in public. We've been working on him at home, but we are about at the point to have to do something at night to get him to stop.

[Sharon]

Can anyone give me some BG'ing tips that I can pass along to DD.  She was strictly a bottle baby, and yes I was shamed 20+ years ago for that but I was older.

Anyway DGD was born late Thursday evening and it just isn't working out for them.  Baby is losing weight.  They went in for a pedi check today and have to go back for a weight check Wed.  Baby seems to sleep alot and I think that is part of it, baby keeps falling asleep on her.

Also they are receiving all their medical services in a college town and I think they are a little more so of breast is best (the only way) then maybe a less liberal town.  DD is thinking she is a complete failure and is sitting there crying before every feeding and probably during them too.  The doctors office/hospital/lactation people have her convinced that the baby will have nipple confusion if she gives her even one bottle.  I was down their last night and baby two 2 tsp of milk before falling asleep.  DD said they are using a spoon and syringe to get something into her.  I don't know if she is latching or what.

Sorry for the ramble but any suggestions would be appreciated.  I am going to go down and see her tomorrow after work and just hang out and hopefully calm the post-pregnancy nerves.  SIL has to head back to work tomorrow.

MORE RANT:  How can medical professional think that a strung out mother who is crying and thinks she is a total failure and baby who is losing weight is better than having a calm mother and a happy baby who is taking a bottle.

[Deleted]

I'm surprised they're worried about weight loss this early.  Is it a lot?  Or is she having other issues?  Both my boys lost weight the first week, then started gaining at a crazy rate. Youngest, I did have to tickle under his chin and wipe with cool wash cloths while I was nursing to keep him awake the first while because he would go for a minute or two and then fall asleep. 

[Pants]

Aug 28, 2017 21:27:58 GMT -5 Sharon said:

Can anyone give me some BG'ing tips that I can pass along to DD.  She was strictly a bottle baby, and yes I was shamed 20+ years ago for that but I was older.

Anyway DGD was born late Thursday evening and it just isn't working out for them.  Baby is losing weight.  They went in for a pedi check today and have to go back for a weight check Wed.  Baby seems to sleep alot and I think that is part of it, baby keeps falling asleep on her.

Also they are receiving all their medical services in a college town and I think they are a little more so of breast is best (the only way) then maybe a less liberal town.  DD is thinking she is a complete failure and is sitting there crying before every feeding and probably during them too.  The doctors office/hospital/lactation people have her convinced that the baby will have nipple confusion if she gives her even one bottle.  I was down their last night and baby two 2 tsp of milk before falling asleep.  DD said they are using a spoon and syringe to get something into her.  I don't know if she is latching or what.

Sorry for the ramble but any suggestions would be appreciated.  I am going to go down and see her tomorrow after work and just hang out and hopefully calm the post-pregnancy nerves.  SIL has to head back to work tomorrow.

MORE RANT:  How can medical professional think that a strung out mother who is crying and thinks she is a total failure and baby who is losing weight is better than having a calm mother and a happy baby who is taking a bottle.

Because some people have become obsessed with breastfeeding, health of mom and baby be damned. 

Its normal for baby to fall asleep while eating. Sucking is deeply comforting. She can try undressing the baby, using a wet washcloth on the baby's cheek or feet, tickling baby during feeding. Try feeding right after baby wakes up. Also, if baby isn't getting enough nutrition they will not be energetic. It's a cycle. 

Is her her milk in yet? Is the baby latching and showing a strong sucking reflex? 

Please tell your your daughter it's unlikely her daughter will get nipple confusion from a single bottle. It is more important that the baby eat than she eat only breastmilk. I wish I was closer, I would try to come help. 

You ou can advocate for your daughter with the pediatrician, subtly if needed. AAsk questions like, "how much weight should she lose before we must supplement with a bottle?" Make the dr tell you what the risks are and where the line is. Ask the dr what resources they recommend. 

[Lizard Queen]

I ended up just pumping and supplementing for my 2nd. He was teeny tiny at birth, so I wasn't going to mess around. My first, I did BF for a couple months. IMO, the very slight benefit isn't worth so much misery.

[travelnut11]

Ugh, the nipple confusion shit really pisses me off. Giving the baby a few bottles until her milk comes in/things get better will not hurt anything. Tell her to go out and buy the pre-mixed 2 ounce formula bottles. This will allow her to relax knowing her baby is getting enough to eat while she figures out BFing. I luckily had an old school pediatrician suggest this when we were battling dehydration/jaundice and honestly it saved our breastfeeding relationship. Both my kids received some formula in their first few days out of a bottle and have gone on to BF exclusively.

[saveinla]

Aug 28, 2017 21:59:09 GMT -5 travelnut11 said:

Ugh, the nipple confusion shit really pisses me off. Giving the baby a few bottles until her milk comes in/things get better will not hurt anything. Tell her to go out and buy the pre-mixed 2 ounce formula bottles. This will allow her to relax knowing her baby is getting enough to eat while she figures out BFing. I luckily had an old school pediatrician suggest this when we were battling dehydration/jaundice and honestly it saved our breastfeeding relationship. Both my kids received some formula in their first few days out of a bottle and have gone on to BF exclusively.

This is what my niece did and she still breast fed until 2 months ago when her daughter was 20 months.

[chen35]

Aug 28, 2017 21:59:09 GMT -5 travelnut11 said:

Ugh, the nipple confusion shit really pisses me off. Giving the baby a few bottles until her milk comes in/things get better will not hurt anything. Tell her to go out and buy the pre-mixed 2 ounce formula bottles. This will allow her to relax knowing her baby is getting enough to eat while she figures out BFing. I luckily had an old school pediatrician suggest this when we were battling dehydration/jaundice and honestly it saved our breastfeeding relationship. Both my kids received some formula in their first few days out of a bottle and have gone on to BF exclusively.

Those two ounce bottles are a lifesaver!
I never really tried to breastfeed, just pumped, but even the few times we did try (at 3 plus weeks of nothing but a bottle) he latched right on. The baby will be fine if she gives her a bottle. I hate that she's being made to feel guilty about this.

[Sharon]

Thanks everyone for the suggestions.  I do know that her milk has come in and she is attempting to breastfeed but is also pumping and feeding with a spoon and syringe.  I don't know how much weight she has lost but I do know that feeding has been a concern from the hospital.  They weren't supposed to be released from the hospital until they had another feeding then all of a sudden it was you can go home BUT we want you to come back the next day to meet with the lactation consultant.  The next day they get a phone call that the lactation person is sick.  When they were discharged it was oh baby is doing good she hasn't lost as much weight % wise as average (This was Saturday).  Then today it is baby is losing too much weight but we can turn it around. 

Not sure what suggestions she has received etc from them.  I wish I could go to the pedi appt but they live half hour/45 minutes away and DD and SIL protect their privacy beyond what most people do.  I know I would not be welcomed unless it was a dire emergency and SIL was not available. 

DD takes everything very very seriously and I don't think she will stand up to them and tell them to Fuck Off.

When I go down tomorrow I think I will try the following things. 
    DD is very, very modest so I will try sitting at the kitchen table while she sits with baby on the couch (open concept house).  So I'm not too close and seeing too much. 
    I am also going to suggest that she set a timer for 10-15 minutes and try to get her to feed during that time.  If not then go back to the teaspoon.  I suspect, but don't know for sure, they feed for 5 minutes or so baby falls asleep so they quit.
    I will suggest the wet wash cloths, tickling feet etc.

I did tell her this evening that this is a decision between she and her husband and the doctors can make recommendations but that they don't know what is best for their family.  I do know the hospital has a strong doula program so I may suggest that she meet with the doula and maybe she will get more help.

[Deleted]

Aug 22, 2017 16:04:20 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Aug 22, 2017 15:32:42 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Shows how much I know.  I thought ballet slippers were just slip on with no ties. 

The ties around the outside do a little bit, but not much if they fit well.  Kids often wear ballet shoes that are too large, making them more important.  My studio had us sew an elastic that went sort of around the ankle.  Some do criss-cross elastics over the top of the foot.  Those are what really hold it on the foot.  If the little ties always come undone, I'd just put a stitch or 2 in there to keep it tied.

I took him in today to get fitted and the director was there and said she had a couple pairs her son had outgrown that if they fit we could have them.  The jazz shoes were too big (and were regular tie shoes not slip ons), but the ballet slippers were perfect.  They have the elastic strap that goes over the top of his foot and they're pretty tight, so once they're on...they're on.  Pretty pleased with the free part. 

[Sharon]

Aug 28, 2017 22:59:24 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Aug 22, 2017 16:04:20 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

The ties around the outside do a little bit, but not much if they fit well.  Kids often wear ballet shoes that are too large, making them more important.  My studio had us sew an elastic that went sort of around the ankle.  Some do criss-cross elastics over the top of the foot.  Those are what really hold it on the foot.  If the little ties always come undone, I'd just put a stitch or 2 in there to keep it tied.

I took him in today to get fitted and the director was there and said she had a couple pairs her son had outgrown that if they fit we could have them.  The jazz shoes were too big (and were regular tie shoes not slip ons), but the ballet slippers were perfect.  They have the elastic strap that goes over the top of his foot and they're pretty tight, so once they're on...they're on.  Pretty pleased with the free part. 

Free is always good.  The studio where DD lived for 12 years would allow the parents to sell used shoes.  They had a place where you could put the shoes and what you wanted for them.  It really was a win-win for everyone.  When DD was younger I could usually find a pair of gently worn shoes plus make back a little bit of money when she would have a growth spurt after just buying shoes.

[azucena]

If it's not a super small town, there should be lactation consultants that make housecalls. Does she have any breastfeeding friends for support?

Also if it's not problems latching and seems to be problems sucking, have her ask about a possible tongue tie.  I've found the lactation consultants are better at recognizing those than the pediatricians.

[chen35]

Aug 29, 2017 7:04:37 GMT -5 azucena said:

If it's not a super small town, there should be lactation consultants that make housecalls. Does she have any breastfeeding friends for support?

Also if it's not problems latching and seems to be problems sucking, have her ask about a possible tongue tie.  I've found the lactation consultants are better at recognizing those than the pediatricians.

Agreed, our pediatrician always deferred to the lactation specialist as to whether a tongue tie was an issue. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Had K to ENT doctor yesterday.

K hacks up "green stuff" off and on the last three years or so. Antibiotics don't seem to do much and neither do otc allergy meds. So I thought we'd try to get a handle on it before winter hits.

They cleaned her ears. Lots of dead skin in one, big chunk of wax in the other. Deep enough in that it's not visible to the naked eye.

Short version - bring her back once she's in the middle of it and we'll see what we see then. Sigh. I think I hoping for a magic wand to just make it go away.

[andi9899]

Does ahe at least feel better with her ears cleaned out?

[andi9899]

So I guess Thing 1 is mad at Thing 2 for telling me that she lent her the money. Good. Now I don't have to save that knowledge for a rainy day and I will be bringing it up when I talk to her next.

[finnime]

Aug 28, 2017 22:39:35 GMT -5 Sharon said:

...
When I go down tomorrow I think I will try the following things. 
    DD is very, very modest so I will try sitting at the kitchen table while she sits with baby on the couch (open concept house).  So I'm not too close and seeing too much. 
    I am also going to suggest that she set a timer for 10-15 minutes and try to get her to feed during that time.  If not then go back to the teaspoon.  I suspect, but don't know for sure, they feed for 5 minutes or so baby falls asleep so they quit.
    I will suggest the wet wash cloths, tickling feet etc.

I did tell her this evening that this is a decision between she and her husband and the doctors can make recommendations but that they don't know what is best for their family.  I do know the hospital has a strong doula program so I may suggest that she meet with the doula and maybe she will get more help.

You're being very supportive in a delicate and stressful situation. So good for your DD to have you.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 29, 2017 7:04:37 GMT -5 azucena said:

If it's not a super small town, there should be lactation consultants that make housecalls. Does she have any breastfeeding friends for support?

Also if it's not problems latching and seems to be problems sucking, have her ask about a possible tongue tie.  I've found the lactation consultants are better at recognizing those than the pediatricians.

You guys have LCs that make house calls?  Here they are all attached to the hospital.  When I had Gwen they did not offer appointments.  Once you were discharged that was it, they weren't supposed to talk to you because the hospital couldn't make money off it.   There are support groups but they are always at like 11:00 on a Tuesday, which is not so helpful once you go back to work.

At this stage in life I would tell the pediatrician, LC and anyone else who wants to get high and mighty with me to fuck off.  There is ZERO evidence that formula is harmful and there isn't a whole lot of evidence supporting "nipple confusion" either.   Breastfeeding is no good if it spirals the mother into PPD.   The LC here told me she's not supposed to say it because it's not hospital MO but she believes a healthy sane mother is far more important than where the baby's nutrition comes from.

How much weight has the baby lost?  It's very common for babies to lose a few ounces, even up to a pound after they are born because they are losing all that chub that kept them warm/cozy in utero.   It's if the baby's weight does not start to rise again that it is a problem.  I think doctors are too enamored of all these growth charts (which are based on formula fed babies by the way) and don't stop to really think anymore.

The first few weeks babies aren't eating a whole lot to begin with their tummies are the size of a pea.

The best thing the LC here did was tell me that the whole spiel about breastfeeding being "all natural" and "you and the baby will know what to do!" is bull shit.  Breastfeeding is something you BOTH have to learn how to do. I  had to train Abby to find my nipple.   That was 6 weeks of pure hell.  If I had not had DH as an extra set of hands I would have thrown in the towel.

My recommendation unless we're talking severe weight loss here is that she take all the advice she is getting with a HUGE grain of salt.  Really push to have them explain WHY they are telling her the things they are and justify the pressure they are putting on her.  If she can't do it for herself then either you go with her to these appointments or have her husband do it.

Don't let her drive herself into the ground trying to be perfect.   Again there is zero evidence that formula is harmful, we live in a wonderful age where women don't have to go bonkers trying to "naturally" feed their babies and we have every right to make that decision for ourselves.

Whatever seh chooses you and her husband are her biggest support network and need to be there for her till either she gets the hang of breastfeeding or makes peace with choosing to stop.   Having people who support you and aren't shoving the party line down your throat is vital.

[Annie7]

Aug 28, 2017 21:27:58 GMT -5 Sharon said:

Can anyone give me some BG'ing tips that I can pass along to DD.  She was strictly a bottle baby, and yes I was shamed 20+ years ago for that but I was older.

Anyway DGD was born late Thursday evening and it just isn't working out for them.  Baby is losing weight.  They went in for a pedi check today and have to go back for a weight check Wed.  Baby seems to sleep alot and I think that is part of it, baby keeps falling asleep on her.

Also they are receiving all their medical services in a college town and I think they are a little more so of breast is best (the only way) then maybe a less liberal town.  DD is thinking she is a complete failure and is sitting there crying before every feeding and probably during them too.  The doctors office/hospital/lactation people have her convinced that the baby will have nipple confusion if she gives her even one bottle.  I was down their last night and baby two 2 tsp of milk before falling asleep.  DD said they are using a spoon and syringe to get something into her.  I don't know if she is latching or what.

Sorry for the ramble but any suggestions would be appreciated.  I am going to go down and see her tomorrow after work and just hang out and hopefully calm the post-pregnancy nerves.  SIL has to head back to work tomorrow.

MORE RANT:  How can medical professional think that a strung out mother who is crying and thinks she is a total failure and baby who is losing weight is better than having a calm mother and a happy baby who is taking a bottle.

Sharon,

With my DS2 I had BF issues. The lactation consultants at LLL (referred to by pedi) were very helpful. Instead of a separate bottle feeding, they had me tape a small tube next to my nipple which led to a bottle of formula. As DS2 sucked on my nipple/tube, he got the formula and it stimulated milk production too. After about 10 days of this, DS2 was purely on breast and went on to BF for 2 years. This might be an option for your DD. Good luck. It is never right to stress out a new mother that way.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Aug 29, 2017 9:00:20 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Aug 29, 2017 7:04:37 GMT -5 azucena said:

If it's not a super small town, there should be lactation consultants that make housecalls. Does she have any breastfeeding friends for support?

Also if it's not problems latching and seems to be problems sucking, have her ask about a possible tongue tie.  I've found the lactation consultants are better at recognizing those than the pediatricians.

You guys have LCs that make house calls?  Here they are all attached to the hospital.  When I had Gwen they did not offer appointments.  Once you were discharged that was it, they weren't supposed to talk to you because the hospital couldn't make money off it.   There are support groups but they are always at like 11:00 on a Tuesday, which is not so helpful once you go back to work.

At this stage in life I would tell the pediatrician, LC and anyone else who wants to get high and mighty with me to fuck off.  There is ZERO evidence that formula is harmful and there isn't a whole lot of evidence supporting "nipple confusion" either.   Breastfeeding is no good if it spirals the mother into PPD.   The LC here told me she's not supposed to say it because it's not hospital MO but she believes a healthy sane mother is far more important than where the baby's nutrition comes from.

How much weight has the baby lost?  It's very common for babies to lose a few ounces, even up to a pound after they are born because they are losing all that chub that kept them warm/cozy in utero.   It's if the baby's weight does not start to rise again that it is a problem.  I think doctors are too enamored of all these growth charts (which are based on formula fed babies by the way) and don't stop to really think anymore.

The first few weeks babies aren't eating a whole lot to begin with their tummies are the size of a pea.

The best thing the LC here did was tell me that the whole spiel about breastfeeding being "all natural" and "you and the baby will know what to do!" is bull shit.  Breastfeeding is something you BOTH have to learn how to do. I  had to train Abby to find my nipple.   That was 6 weeks of pure hell.  If I had not had DH as an extra set of hands I would have thrown in the towel.

My recommendation unless we're talking severe weight loss here is that she take all the advice she is getting with a HUGE grain of salt.  Really push to have them explain WHY they are telling her the things they are and justify the pressure they are putting on her.  If she can't do it for herself then either you go with her to these appointments or have her husband do it.

Don't let her drive herself into the ground trying to be perfect.   Again there is zero evidence that formula is harmful, we live in a wonderful age where women don't have to go bonkers trying to "naturally" feed their babies and we have every right to make that decision for ourselves.

Whatever seh chooses you and her husband are her biggest support network and need to be there for her till either she gets the hang of breastfeeding or makes peace with choosing to stop.   Having people who support you and aren't shoving the party line down your throat is vital.

so I can like it again.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Aug 29, 2017 8:20:16 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Does ahe at least feel better with her ears cleaned out?

yesterday she said it felt "weird" which I assumed was due to air moving around where previously there was wax and the ENT PA/nurse said it was because they moved some of the tiny hairs in her ear.

I went to bed early last night and forgot to ask her this morning.

[tcu2003]

Aug 29, 2017 7:04:37 GMT -5 azucena said:

If it's not a super small town, there should be lactation consultants that make housecalls. Does she have any breastfeeding friends for support?

Also if it's not problems latching and seems to be problems sucking, have her ask about a possible tongue tie.  I've found the lactation consultants are better at recognizing those than the pediatricians.

I so second this advice! It was some of the best money I spent after M was born - it didn't solve all of our issues, but reassured me that we were at least doing the right things, and having one come to my house meant that she could see what we were doing in our home/typical environment. A second visit at a breastfeeding support group (NOT attached to the hospital - which was key because the IBCLCs at that hospital will never suggest baby had a tongue or lip tie) clued me in to the idea that M might have a lip tie, which ended up being the case.

[tcu2003]

And your area has some, drama - might be Omaha based, but they're out there. It's just not as talked about as much as the ones at the hospital or the hospital support groups. I didn't realize home visits were a thing until joining a couple of crunchier moms groups local to my area.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 29, 2017 9:44:05 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

And your area has some, drama - might be Omaha based, but they're out there. It's just not as talked about as much as the ones at the hospital or the hospital support groups. I didn't realize home visits were a thing until joining a couple of crunchier moms groups local to my area.

Nice of teh hospital to tell me that.  Oh wait, then they wouldn't make money off me!

Sorry still really freaking bitter and pissed off over how little support they actually gave me despite poster upon poster everywhere I looked spouting off about how BF-ing is so God damn important.

If it wasn't for DH I probably would have been locked up in a loony bin.  I could not have asked for a more supportive partner.

Now if we had a third kid there is no way on God's green earth I would ever breastfeed again.  Two times was enough thank you.   It'd give kid #3 something to talk about in therapy.

[midjd]

Sharon, I'm sorry your daughter is so stressed. You are doing all the right things as a mom and I'm glad she has you around... when she looks back I know she will be too!

I had a similar experience with breastfeeding, and still fondly remember my mom getting sharp with the LC at the pediatrician. It's a delicate situation... I know I didn't "take" things as well as I usually do (which is not always very well) because of the hormones and mild PPD, but there is definitely a sense of "you're just not trying hard enough" that comes across from some of the breast-is-best-at-all-costs proponents. Having someone there in person to say "Hey--lay off" is incredibly helpful. 

I ended up exclusively pumping for 11 months, supplementing with formula toward the end, so I got the joy of being told I was doing things wrong by breast AND bottle feeders.

Good luck to your DD, Sharon! 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I love this show and thought about the board when I watched it. I wish it had been airing when the girls were infants so I could have shoved some of the studies down my OB's throat.  See if she liked her own medicine.