Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Aug 27, 2017 8:14:43 GMT -5
My oldest son, 21, will soon be launched. He decided to take a year off after HS and wasn't sure what he wanted to do. That made sense rather than forking over for college. He worked at some odd jobs like Burger King, etc, then decided that he needed to go to college. He went to a local trade/tech school and got his Associate's in Building Construction and Electricity. He got a job locally for $13 an hour which isn't much considering the degree for this 2 years was $30K. Some of these Tech schools are quite pricey. However, he wasn't overly motivated either and he could have shopped his degree around to a larger area. Anyway, he had also talked of going into the military since he was 14. And, he just wasn't ready right out of HS. So, after he started his job, he really didn't like it and decided that he wanted to go the Air Force. He just completed his basic training and Tech School and is now an Airman !st Class E3 and left for his assignment to Langley Air Force base in Virginia a week ago. The only thing coming to my house is his phone bill and his auto insurance. And his account is here so i am paying for those things out of his account. As soon as I get his permanent address, then we will be forwarding his bills to him and he is officially launched!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 27, 2017 8:16:41 GMT -5
It does happen eventually. I just had to suck it up while the process was going on.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Aug 27, 2017 8:19:36 GMT -5
My other 2 children have more of an uber responsible type personality than my oldest fun loving son, lol. He definitely was a challenge. And, yes you can try to charge her money, "force' her to do certain things, etc. Believe me that was something i tried to do as well. But the most effective thing to do is to GET THEM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! lol That is really the only way to put up that wall of separation. Because they aren't going to "get it" until they have too. How much longer is nursing school Sues?
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Aug 27, 2017 8:24:36 GMT -5
It does happen eventually. I just had to suck it up while the process was going on. Yes. There were things i just let go because really the end goal was what was most important. And, in the midst of all of this my son had bought himself a brand new freaking iphone, etc! So, ya, i was pizzed. But, i just had to be patient because I knew that he had it him to grow up and he just need a big old fat kick in the arse by the military. Honestly, he left for the service in March and his whole demeanor has changed for the better and he is becoming a stand up guy. But, there were a lot of things i paid for in the interim because yelling at him or trying to make him do something simply just didn't work. And, he's 6'4" so wasn't like i was able to physically shove him out the door. But, I did my best to not to make his life too comfortable at home. Oh you are hungry, that's nice, here's the kitchen.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 27, 2017 8:44:19 GMT -5
I'll tell you. If my cousins daughter had had some parental support she wouldn't owe 42k on a degree probably paying 24k a year.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Aug 27, 2017 8:45:48 GMT -5
I had a dream last night that B has terminal cancer and we chose not to treat it at all after what she went through last year. I've been awake for an hour and I'm only 75% sure it was a dream.
So shaken up.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 27, 2017 8:47:25 GMT -5
My cousin is not real bright and did everything possible to sabotage her own daughter who is fairly intelligent so I'm amazed she's got any degree though. But look at the cost. A good parent would have sat her down and said the roi isn't a good one. But a good parent my cousin is not.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Aug 27, 2017 8:47:45 GMT -5
I'll tell you. If my cousins daughter had had some parental support she wouldn't owe 42k on a degree probably paying 24k a year. I agree. I knew my oldest son was not ready for college right out of HS. So, no i was not going to spend that kind of money for him to flounder. But, when he had the gap year, he buckled down and did well in the Tech school.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 27, 2017 8:48:12 GMT -5
I had a dream last night that B has terminal cancer and we chose not to treat it at all after what she went through last year. I've been awake for an hour and I'm only 75% sure it was a dream. So shaken up. Ugh. Dreams like that have lingering effects. I'm sorry 😐
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2017 9:22:46 GMT -5
I'll tell you. If my cousins daughter had had some parental support she wouldn't owe 42k on a degree probably paying 24k a year. Tell her to apply at Mayo. They start LPNs at 40K/year there and will pay for them to get their RN (actually a lot of hospitals will). My cousin had a sweet job there right out of LPN school then quit because she wanted to do home health care...which pays ok, but no benefits. 24K is really CNA wages not LPN.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Aug 27, 2017 9:39:17 GMT -5
It is around here.
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cyanne
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Post by cyanne on Aug 27, 2017 9:41:07 GMT -5
I am anxiously awaiting my son to launch too! He also leaves his stuff around the house, eats all of the food but does very little around to help. If we ask him to do some chores he cheerfully says yes, does the first thing we ask and "forgets" to do anything else. This isn't big stuff either. For example, I asked him to put away the cooler I left on the deck. He "forgot" and it sat out in the rain. He didn't forget to watch Game of Thrones reruns all day. He finished full time school in May and his BA degree at the beginning of August (he had one two credit class to complete his degree) and starts his first professional job tomorrow! Woo Hoo!
I have been paying his bills, including $180 in car insurance all summer. He will be taking over as soon as he starts getting paychecks and is planning on moving out in January after he saves up a small emergency fund, damage deposit and rent. I love him but won't miss the extra expense and mess!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2017 9:53:18 GMT -5
It is around here. That's crazy! But I live in a big medical area. They can't get enough LPNs and RNs. I just looked up the starting wage on Mayos site and it's $17.22 in FL and $19.22 in MN for regular day shift hours. No nights or swing shift for that rate.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2017 10:02:40 GMT -5
Is there an exit plan for the 19 year old? I don't have an issue with my kids staying past 18 if they're going to school or something, but they better damn well better be appreciative of the fact. If they're making my life miserable at that point, it's time for them to go. Well, I have to give her credit, she's in nursing school and should have her RN license sometime next fall, and works PT which she will have to cut back her hours even more. It's not so much that she's here, it's more of the fact that she just plops her stuff on the kitchen table to the point that you can't see the top, and the trash can is just a few steps away. She leave the kitchen a mess and doesn't clean up after herself, same with the bathroom. I've quit doing her laundry and you can't hardly open her bedroom door because it's such a mess. It's more that she is constantly gone and spending money, granted it her money, but I can't continue to support her on my own. She does pay her truck payment and insurance, but her leaving me to take care of her dogs, her $100 phone payment, just her phone alone, the 30 minute showers when she's here (I don't have a well, so it's a water utility) and the electricity that she uses (leaves lights on in which ever room she was just in). I feel like I'm being drained financially every month because it's always something. Besides, DS is starting to pick up her bad habits. She really is a great young adult, but I don't know how to get her to understand that she needs to save some of her money for things that come up instead of asking the bank of Mom to help her pay for things that she wasn't expecting. The dogs would be my biggest gripe. She should not have pets if she can't support them herself, and this is one I'm afraid might not end when she finishes school because what if she can't find an apartment that will take them? You might have kind of screwed yourself over by not putting your foot down and saying "no" when she brought them home in the first place. Now it's either try to force her to pay some of those bills or rehome the dogs and then you're the bad guy. If you're paying her phone, I'd switch plans and tell her she doesn't get a choice of where if you're paying. Put her on a prepaid live Virgin Mobile or something that is more like $35/month. $100/month is nuts. Is there a phone payment as part of that bill?
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Aug 27, 2017 10:10:20 GMT -5
Those are good points. However, it's not that simple to switch plans if you are on a contract. You have to pay to get out. And, then to start with a new provider, you will have to buy one of their phones, etc. So, that might not save any money. It's ok to be the Bad Guy. That's part of being a parent. But, the pets are a big issue. How did she come to acquire pets if she was living with you in the first place or maybe i don't know the backstory. I would not have allowed my son to bring in a pet to my home. If you want to own a pet, fine you will do it when you have your own place.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2017 10:13:11 GMT -5
My other 2 children have more of an uber responsible type personality than my oldest fun loving son, lol. He definitely was a challenge. And, yes you can try to charge her money, "force' her to do certain things, etc. Believe me that was something i tried to do as well. But the most effective thing to do is to GET THEM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! lol That is really the only way to put up that wall of separation. Because they aren't going to "get it" until they have too. How much longer is nursing school Sues? The frugal part of me is wanting DS to just go to school at one of the 3 easy commute local universities and live at home to save half the expense of attending, but I'm starting to think more and more that it would be better for everyone if he went away. My boss has 4 boys in college (triplets) and they attend a local college and live on campus. The school is maybe 3 miles away from his house, but he said "nope, they're going to live there!" LOL Of course, going away to school isn't really being on their own either as someone is still paying their bills...and the bills are even more, but it seems like it would be better for the sanity.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Aug 27, 2017 10:21:47 GMT -5
My oldest lived at home while in Tech school. And, my younger son is commuting the first 2 years and living at home. You are going to pay those expenses anyway, so why not save by living at home? At least that is how i viewed that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2017 10:23:01 GMT -5
It's getting a lot easier to get out of contracts though as they're becoming history even at the normal contract providers. Other companies will pay part of termination fees (Ting pays up to $75) and due to FCC laws, cell phone providers have to unlock your phones now if you are in good standing so you can take them to other providers. I have not paid more than $60/month for two lines in several years and we just buy phones a couple models old new in box off ebay for a couple hundred bucks. The new S8 is something like $700 but you can get an S5 new in the box for $125.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2017 10:27:11 GMT -5
My oldest lived at home while in Tech school. And, my younger son is commuting the first 2 years and living at home. You are going to pay those expenses anyway, so why not save by living at home? At least that is how i viewed that. Yes, you're saving money, but if your kids are making you insane as "adults" in the household it might not be worth it.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Aug 27, 2017 10:28:57 GMT -5
My oldest lived at home while in Tech school. And, my younger son is commuting the first 2 years and living at home. You are going to pay those expenses anyway, so why not save by living at home? At least that is how i viewed that. Yes, you're saving money, but if your kids are making you insane as "adults" in the household it might not be worth it. Can I do this with my 5 year old? Pls advise.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Aug 27, 2017 10:32:02 GMT -5
It is around here. That's crazy! But I live in a big medical area. They can't get enough LPNs and RNs. I just looked up the starting wage on Mayos site and it's $17.22 in FL and $19.22 in MN for regular day shift hours. No nights or swing shift for that rate. Well, that was a few years ago, so it's probably a bit more now. The local hospital is getting rid of all their LPN's though. Some status thing to have all RN's, I guess.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Aug 27, 2017 10:34:41 GMT -5
My oldest lived at home while in Tech school. And, my younger son is commuting the first 2 years and living at home. You are going to pay those expenses anyway, so why not save by living at home? At least that is how i viewed that. Yes, you're saving money, but if your kids are making you insane as "adults" in the household it might not be worth it. I really didn't have a problem with my sons while in college. My oldest son was a bit more of a challenge but he was definitely not ready to live away from home. At least at home, i could monitor his spending while in school. Many kids today think they are entitled to eat out for every meal. So, expecting him to live away from home and manage household expenses really would have been a huge dent in my finances in my opinion. So, he was kept busy and did his work and did well. The hardest part was the interim after school where he was looking for a job and then he broke up with girlfriend and took that very hard, etc. And, then finding his way to the Air Force. At the point he left for the Air Force, had he not choosen to go, then it was going to be Grown up Time any way and my plan was to go find him an apt, pay the first and last month's rent/deposit, drop him off with his stuff and say "See ya, good luck" and let him figure out life, lol. My younger son lives at home. He is very responsible. He works, goes to school and helps around the house. I have no issues with him living at home at all. He would have done fine away from home or at home. So next year when he goes to main campus, i am confident he will be reasonable about finances. So, there are several ways to approach this so do what works for you and your kid.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2017 10:49:07 GMT -5
Yes, you're saving money, but if your kids are making you insane as "adults" in the household it might not be worth it. I really didn't have a problem with my sons while in college. My oldest son was a bit more of a challenge but he was definitely not ready to live away from home. At least at home, i could monitor his spending while in school. Many kids today think they are entitled to eat out for every meal. So, expecting him to live away from home and manage household expenses really would have been a huge dent in my finances in my opinion. So, he was kept busy and did his work and did well. The hardest part was the interim after school where he was looking for a job and then he broke up with girlfriend and took that very hard, etc. And, then finding his way to the Air Force. At the point he left for the Air Force, had he not choosen to go, then it was going to be Grown up Time any way and my plan was to go find him an apt, pay the first and last month's rent/deposit, drop him off with his stuff and say "See ya, good luck" and let him figure out life, lol. My younger son lives at home. He is very responsible. He works, goes to school and helps around the house. I have no issues with him living at home at all. He would have done fine away from home or at home. So next year when he goes to main campus, i am confident he will be reasonable about finances. So, there are several ways to approach this so do what works for you and your kid. We might still end up going that route, older son is only 15 and 3 years is an eternity at that age, so much could change. But as of right now the only schools that offer the program he's interested in are 150-300 miles away anyhow.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Aug 27, 2017 10:51:20 GMT -5
Yes. I told my kids, pick your major, THEN we pick the school. Just worked out that they could stay local. But, if not, then they would have had to go where the education was.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Aug 27, 2017 11:25:05 GMT -5
I had a dream last night that B has terminal cancer and we chose not to treat it at all after what she went through last year. I've been awake for an hour and I'm only 75% sure it was a dream. So shaken up. I'm so sorry, dreams like that are the worst!
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Aug 27, 2017 11:30:16 GMT -5
It's getting a lot easier to get out of contracts though as they're becoming history even at the normal contract providers. Other companies will pay part of termination fees (Ting pays up to $75) and due to FCC laws, cell phone providers have to unlock your phones now if you are in good standing so you can take them to other providers. I have not paid more than $60/month for two lines in several years and we just buy phones a couple models old new in box off ebay for a couple hundred bucks. The new S8 is something like $700 but you can get an S5 new in the box for $125. This is what we do, I pay around $100 a month for 4 smart phones with Ting. It would be at least double that with Verizon, with their new unlimited plan. Before they came out with that it was even more. In two months I've saved enough to pay for one $200 phone. No issues with service either.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 27, 2017 11:33:47 GMT -5
Stop buying those memberships and photo shoots and ask for those as gifts. Unless they already were gifts? Then use the $ saved to fund 529.. This is what I was thinking. They should be able to tag a gift membership onto the back of your current membership. They're great for us because our folks will get them every year, and the kids love going. I was also thinking rec center gift cards for classes. My in-laws take the kids for lunch and a movie now that they're older which is fun for them and a day off for dh or I too. I never thought I would say it, but I'm in the no more books camp. We're just out of room, plus dh already takes them to the library a couple times a week so I have 2-3 dozen books to keep track of for that, plus the books school sends home (even over the summer they do a book exchange every 3 weeks there that they even let Evie participate in).
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 27, 2017 12:03:28 GMT -5
I'll tell you. If my cousins daughter had had some parental support she wouldn't owe 42k on a degree probably paying 24k a year. Tell her to apply at Mayo. They start LPNs at 40K/year there and will pay for them to get their RN (actually a lot of hospitals will). My cousin had a sweet job there right out of LPN school then quit because she wanted to do home health care...which pays ok, but no benefits. 24K is really CNA wages not LPN. I've mentioned this to my Aunt, her grandmother.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Aug 27, 2017 12:54:33 GMT -5
Is there an exit plan for the 19 year old? I don't have an issue with my kids staying past 18 if they're going to school or something, but they better damn well better be appreciative of the fact. If they're making my life miserable at that point, it's time for them to go. Well, I have to give her credit, she's in nursing school and should have her RN license sometime next fall, and works PT which she will have to cut back her hours even more. It's not so much that she's here, it's more of the fact that she just plops her stuff on the kitchen table to the point that you can't see the top, and the trash can is just a few steps away. She leave the kitchen a mess and doesn't clean up after herself, same with the bathroom. I've quit doing her laundry and you can't hardly open her bedroom door because it's such a mess. It's more that she is constantly gone and spending money, granted it her money, but I can't continue to support her on my own. She does pay her truck payment and insurance, but her leaving me to take care of her dogs, her $100 phone payment, just her phone alone, the 30 minute showers when she's here (I don't have a well, so it's a water utility) and the electricity that she uses (leaves lights on in which ever room she was just in). I feel like I'm being drained financially every month because it's always something. Besides, DS is starting to pick up her bad habits. She really is a great young adult, but I don't know how to get her to understand that she needs to save some of her money for things that come up instead of asking the bank of Mom to help her pay for things that she wasn't expecting. Shut her phone off. She'll go get her own. When I booted Thing 1 I gave her so many days and then shut it off. Her and her new hubby are sharing a phone right now but at least I'm not paying for it. I swear she doesn't pay her student loans on purpose because she knows I'll pay it so as not to ruin my credit. I never should have helped her with college because it bit me in the ass. But she's my baby and I wanted her to be happy. Then she screwed me over. We've had this conversation more than once.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Aug 27, 2017 13:03:24 GMT -5
It's getting a lot easier to get out of contracts though as they're becoming history even at the normal contract providers. Other companies will pay part of termination fees (Ting pays up to $75) and due to FCC laws, cell phone providers have to unlock your phones now if you are in good standing so you can take them to other providers. I have not paid more than $60/month for two lines in several years and we just buy phones a couple models old new in box off ebay for a couple hundred bucks. The new S8 is something like $700 but you can get an S5 new in the box for $125. This is what we do, I pay around $100 a month for 4 smart phones with Ting. It would be at least double that with Verizon, with their new unlimited plan. Before they came out with that it was even more. In two months I've saved enough to pay for one $200 phone. No issues with service either. I pay $100 for 2 phones with T-Mobile. I only saved $10 a month when I shut of Thing 1's phone. It was more about principal than anything. If you're old enough to be married, you're old enough to pay your own bills.
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