Opti
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Post by Opti on Jan 2, 2011 15:21:14 GMT -5
"Whenever I decided a relationship wasn't working out, I just let it go with no one else waiting for me. I know it is difficult "out there" as a single person, but usually it is no more than 6 months before I start dating again (if it is my choice to do so." I do this too, but sometimes its longer than 6 months.
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The J
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Post by The J on Jan 2, 2011 15:21:38 GMT -5
Opti -- yes Suz -- how YOU doin'?
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Post by rick on Jan 2, 2011 15:23:54 GMT -5
Opti -- yes Suz -- how YOU doin'? LOL down boy
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Post by suzwantstobefree on Jan 2, 2011 15:26:01 GMT -5
Pfft, no back up plan here, twice I have had to pack my stuff and move on lol. This l;ast time wasnt so bad. Some of my stuff was never unpacked because it wasnt needed so it was easy to load back up Hehe - I plan to always be the packee and not the packer. When I left my husband, I didn't even pack much. I only took my clothes and my pillow and a blanket. I spent a week sleeping on the floor of our rental house until I was able to get furniture delivered. I have now staked my claim and will not being the one leaving my house. 'course right now it is just me and Miss Kitty and neither of us are leaving.
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Post by rick on Jan 2, 2011 15:27:11 GMT -5
LOL I have gotten pretty mobile
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jan 2, 2011 15:27:27 GMT -5
Opti -- yes Suz -- how YOU doin'? LOL down boy Rick, Shhhhhhhh! Maybe he'll give me a good exalting today.
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Post by rick on Jan 2, 2011 15:28:54 GMT -5
LOL down boy Rick, Shhhhhhhh! Maybe he'll give me a good exalting today. [/quote LOl wel heel if thats all you are looking for
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Post by suzwantstobefree on Jan 2, 2011 15:29:11 GMT -5
J - I am doing good! Rick - don't be jealous!!!! J and I are only having an emotional affair...........
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Post by rick on Jan 2, 2011 15:30:34 GMT -5
J - I am doing good! Rick - don't be jealous!!!! J and I are only having an emotional affair........... Oh , since you told me, thats ok
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 2, 2011 15:30:43 GMT -5
DH and I talked about this before we got married. NO SHARING. It wasn't implied in the marriage vows, it was openly discussed with a clear plan of action. If one or the other needs to move on, be honest about it. Even if infidelity becomes completely acceptable in the world at large, it won't be in my world. And I would (and do) judge people negatively for it. Malarky, this is exactly what I talked to my husband about before we got married. For me, cheating or abusing me or my children are two unforgivable offenses. If I am not enough for my husband, all I ask is the common decency to end our marriage BEFORE hooking up with someone else. My dad cheated on my mom and all of his co-workers knew about it. That made it so much worse for my mom (they were common friends until she found out that they all knew and didn't tell her). As for emotional cheating, I honestly don't know how I would feel. I am not a jealous person by nature (I don't care when he goes out with friends or away for a guy's weekend) but I do think I would be upset if he had a best friend that was a female. That's MY job. I have known way to many couples that started out as "just friends" to not feel that it was a slippery slope. Luckily, dh isn't the type to hang out with females (unless they are into sports, UFC and hunting )...
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 2, 2011 15:32:18 GMT -5
Interesting comments. I've read somewhere that 50% of married people are unfaithful at some point, but nobody ever says "hey, I've screwed around, I didn't get caught, and everything worked out OK."
If everyone is unequivocally saying it's a bad thing to do, why are so many people doing it?
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Post by rick on Jan 2, 2011 15:34:47 GMT -5
Interesting comments. I've read somewhere that 50% of married people are unfaithful at some point, but nobody ever says "hey, I've screwed around, I didn't get caught, and everything worked out OK." If everyone is unequivocally saying it's a bad thing to do, why are so many people doing it? We must the 50% that havent
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Post by suzwantstobefree on Jan 2, 2011 15:39:19 GMT -5
Interesting comments. I've read somewhere that 50% of married people are unfaithful at some point, but nobody ever says "hey, I've screwed around, I didn't get caught, and everything worked out OK." If everyone is unequivocally saying it's a bad thing to do, why are so many people doing it? I haven't done it either, but have been cheated on. And then there are the habitual cheaters - the ones that do it over and over again. I really think there is some hope out there that a man and a woman can get married and stay married until death do you part and mean it (and stay faithful the whole time). However, I think that it takes a lot of work for both of the parties.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 2, 2011 15:39:40 GMT -5
Interesting comments. I've read somewhere that 50% of married people are unfaithful at some point, but nobody ever says "hey, I've screwed around, I didn't get caught, and everything worked out OK." If everyone is unequivocally saying it's a bad thing to do, why are so many people doing it? And which one of the posters is lying <Tina eyes MU suspiciously > I have also had several friends who cheated on their spouses and several friends who have been cheated on.
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Malarky
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Post by Malarky on Jan 2, 2011 15:41:58 GMT -5
We must the 50% that havent
In my first marriage, I was the 50% that didn't. Funny, XH remarried and rumor has it that his second marriage turned out the same as his first. I always wondered how much she knew about his past.
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Post by rick on Jan 2, 2011 15:42:36 GMT -5
Interesting comments. I've read somewhere that 50% of married people are unfaithful at some point, but nobody ever says "hey, I've screwed around, I didn't get caught, and everything worked out OK." If everyone is unequivocally saying it's a bad thing to do, why are so many people doing it? And which one of the posters is lying <Tina eyes MU suspiciously > I have also had several friends who cheated on their spouses and several friends who have been cheated on. I dont have any friends
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 2, 2011 15:44:01 GMT -5
We must the 50% that havent In my first marriage, I was the 50% that didn't. Funny, XH remarried and rumor has it that his second marriage turned out the same as his first. I always wondered how much she knew about his past. My dad cheated on wife #1 (my mom) with wife #2 and on wife #2 with wife #3. Beyond the fact that I could never forgive a betrayal like that, I truly believe you are either a cheater or you are not. If you have the moral character to cheat, I don't think there is anything anyone can do to change that. buh bye and good riddance!
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The J
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Post by The J on Jan 2, 2011 15:47:59 GMT -5
My dad cheated on wife #1 (my mom) with wife #2 and on wife #2 with wife #3. Beyond the fact that I could never forgive a betrayal like that, I truly believe you are either a cheater or you are not. If you have the moral character to cheat, I don't think there is anything anyone can do to change that. buh bye and good riddance! While I don't condone your father's behavior, I have to wonder what wife #2 (and now wife #3) was thinking? She obviously new that he was a cheater....did she really think she was different?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 2, 2011 15:49:41 GMT -5
Interesting comments. I've read somewhere that 50% of married people are unfaithful at some point, but nobody ever says "hey, I've screwed around, I didn't get caught, and everything worked out OK." If everyone is unequivocally saying it's a bad thing to do, why are so many people doing it? There are message boards for people that have affairs. They get trolled by people blasting them for being disgusting people. It's like watching the temperance folks do a sermon in a speakeasy during prohibition. Or it is what I imagine that would have been like. I've seen folks admit to affairs on the Marriage and Couplehood board on Lifestyles. YMers have NOTHING on those M&C folks when it comes to ripping someone a new one.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 2, 2011 15:51:14 GMT -5
My dad cheated on wife #1 (my mom) with wife #2 and on wife #2 with wife #3. Beyond the fact that I could never forgive a betrayal like that, I truly believe you are either a cheater or you are not. If you have the moral character to cheat, I don't think there is anything anyone can do to change that. buh bye and good riddance! While I don't condone your father's behavior, I have to wonder what wife #2 (and now wife #3) was thinking? She obviously new that he was a cheater....did she really think she was different? J, I don't get that either. If I'm "the other woman" and he leaves his wife for me, I don't understand why I'd be any different than the first wife. I guess everyone likes to think their situation is special and different.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 2, 2011 16:04:40 GMT -5
While I don't condone your father's behavior, I have to wonder what wife #2 (and now wife #3) was thinking? She obviously new that he was a cheater....did she really think she was different? J, I don't get that either. If I'm "the other woman" and he leaves his wife for me, I don't understand why I'd be any different than the first wife. I guess everyone likes to think their situation is special and different. I agree...and my mom really enjoyed finding out that he cheated on wife #2. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad but he sucks as a husband. I take swamp's comment a step further. Beyond the trust factor, I would never stay with a cheater because I don't know why it would be any different the next time some woman caught his eye. I truly believe there are cheaters and then there are faithful spouses. There are no "one-time only" in my eyes. Of course, I'm probably jaded because of my dad.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 2, 2011 16:07:17 GMT -5
I can understand the idea of an emotional affair if you're declaring your love for another person, and pretty much doing everything short a physical relationship. I don't think it's the same if it's a close friendship -- if you wouldn't have an issue with the relationship if your SO's friend was the same gender as your SO, then the fact that they're opposite sex shouldn't be an issue. I get what you are saying, but I don't think I would be ok with my husband having a female as a best friend unless she was a mullet wearing lesbian In my heart I believe I trust him (I don't care what he does or where he goes) but that would be pushing my limits.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jan 2, 2011 16:21:30 GMT -5
I don't think its ok but I seem to know a lot of people who do. Most are coworkers and family members so I'm not choosing cheaters for friends. I guess some people are just cheaters. I've known a guy for 5 years now and he's cheated on every girlfriend he's had in that time period. I've been cheated on and its not cool. I thought I could be a forgive and forget type person but it turns out I'm not. I didn't throw it in his face during arguments but it did affect my thinking and my actions. Which is my fault for not leaving then when I realized that. Live and learn, I'd like to think I've done some learning and maturing since I was 20.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jan 2, 2011 16:24:03 GMT -5
I grew up with brothers, a lot of my friends are guys. Its just how it is, I can't deal with the pettiness of some girls. The girl friends I have are a lot like me in we have more guy friends than girl friends. Its not something I'd hide and I'm sure it would bother some guys. If it does, they can leave.
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Post by blockeconomics on Jan 2, 2011 16:25:04 GMT -5
I don't think it's totally acceptable. But its becoming more and more acceptable everyday.
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TD2K
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Post by TD2K on Jan 2, 2011 16:27:34 GMT -5
I think it depends. Lots of people in Hollywood for example appear to cheat and it hasn't hurt their career compared to what others have done that have hurt their career. Think Tom Cruise versus Mel Gibson.
As pointed out, in many other societies have a mistress is quite common. From what I've read of the English nobility, both sides had affairs but for the most part, they were kept discrete and since marriages were arranged so there wasn't the emotional envolment, both sides were willing to pretend nothing was happening.
Other times, the backlash can be pretty intense. I think John Edwards is dead politically as just one example. Newt Gringich paid heavily for his affair in terms of his political job.
If your marriage is really just a marriage in name, then is either side going to be upset if you have an emotional/physical relationship with someone else?
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jan 2, 2011 16:32:16 GMT -5
I think he's toast as well. And for him to be toast that has to mean at least among those who vote infidelity is not acceptable.
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TD2K
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Post by TD2K on Jan 2, 2011 16:38:02 GMT -5
I think having his wife dying of cancer was a factor in the public's opinion (duh) as well as his lying about the affair and attempting to cover the whole thing up.
Sex scandals have been with us as long we have had people.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 2, 2011 16:40:04 GMT -5
I think having his wife dying of cancer was a factor in the public's opinion (duh) as well as his lying about the affair and attempting to cover the whole thing up. Sex scandals have been with us as long we have had people. I don't really care if my elected representatives tap someone else. I have a problem when they publicly lie about it. No comment is sufficient for me.
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The J
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Post by The J on Jan 2, 2011 16:40:15 GMT -5
And for him to be toast that has to mean at least among those who vote infidelity is not acceptable. Would you restructure this sentence? I don't understand and I'm sure you had something worthwhile to say She's saying that, for Edwards to be toast, politically, as a result of his affair, voters must find infidelity to be unacceptable.
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