Charging for a Room

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I'm going to host a baby shower for my daughter. 
She lives about 340 miles from me. Of the 25 total people on the list, only four live where she lives. The rest are scattered about the PNW and a few other random places. 
I've decided to rent an Air BNB for the weekend and hold the baby shower at the AirBNB. It is located at a convenient mid-point near a major airport.  It will have enough bedrooms for me & DH; DD#2; DD#1 + SIL; DIL + Miss Grandbaby; my mother, and my sister. My son-in-law's mother lives 300 miles away in a different direction, and his sister will be living in Hawaii at that point. The mom will drive; the sister will fly in. While I'm not fond of my son-in-law's mother, I'm willing to be mature enough to let her stay at the AirBNB if she pays a fair portion. I'm much more tolerant of SIL's sister, and she and her mom can share a room at the AirBNB. 

It will cost $2700 to rent the home for the weekend. 
If I'd rented an event room in the same area, that would have cost me $750. 

Here's the question: What do I charge the people who are going to stay at the AirBNB?

Here are two ideas: 

$2700 total fee
-$750 for venue fee that I would pay anyway
$1950

$1950/five bedrooms = $390 per bedroom 
$1950/12 people = $162.50 per person


Here is another thought: 
Normal Holiday Inn Express cost for the night would be $175

 
Thoughts?

[wvugurl26]

I usually divide by bedroom to give a price. I think subtracting the venue fee is fair. I'd say $400/bedroom to make it easy.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Will the AirBNB allow this?  I have seen issues where if they find out more people have been scheduled than beds, they ping you.  This is to avoid people planning parties there.  

How many nights is this? What you’ve proposed is fair (I agree about charging per bedroom), but how are you dealing with food outside the shower?

[daisylu]

Jun 17, 2024 11:30:11 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I'm going to host a baby shower for my daughter. 
She lives about 340 miles from me. Of the 25 total people on the list, only four live where she lives. The rest are scattered about the PNW and a few other random places. 
I've decided to rent an Air BNB for the weekend and hold the baby shower at the AirBNB. It is located at a convenient mid-point near a major airport.  It will have enough bedrooms for me & DH; DD#2; DD#1 + SIL; DIL + Miss Grandbaby; my mother, and my sister. My son-in-law's mother lives 300 miles away in a different direction, and his sister will be living in Hawaii at that point. The mom will drive; the sister will fly in. While I'm not fond of my son-in-law's mother, I'm willing to be mature enough to let her stay at the AirBNB if she pays a fair portion. I'm much more tolerant of SIL's sister, and she and her mom can share a room at the AirBNB. 

It will cost $2700 to rent the home for the weekend. 
If I'd rented an event room in the same area, that would have cost me $750. 

Here's the question: What do I charge the people who are going to stay at the AirBNB?

Here are two ideas: 

$2700 total fee
-$750 for venue fee that I would pay anyway
$1950

$1950/five bedrooms = $390 per bedroom 
$1950/12 people = $162.50 per person


Here is another thought: 
Normal Holiday Inn Express cost for the night would be $175

 
Thoughts?

Maybe I miss something, but I see 11 people listed, including Miss Grandbaby.

I have always found per person to be more fair, but I would not include small children who would share room with parent(s).

ETS - To clarify, I look it at I would consider room mates. If I was sharing a 2 bed room place with a couple I would expect them to pay 2/3s. 

[jerseygirl]

. I’d just pay for the entire rental myself
Did you send invitations already? Seems a ‘virtual’ shower might be possible

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jun 17, 2024 12:50:42 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

. I’d just pay for the entire rental myself
Did you send invitations already? Seems a ‘virtual’ shower might be possible

Why would I pay for the lodging someone I barely know?

[bookkeeper]

This could be a time in your life to be generous and pay the whole tab.  If someone wants to offer you money to help pay for the house/event, go ahead and take it.  You might get stiffed, you might get more than what the rental costs.  Family is fun that way, they keep you guessing!

Planning to pay for it all takes some of the stress out of the event.  All you gotta do is sit down and collect the dollars.  

These multi-generational family events don't come around very often.  I have paid upfront for things like this to happen, and never regretted it.  

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I paid for the 2/3 of the wedding in 2021. DD and SIL paid the other third. This woman offered no money and no help. She was quite rude to me during the wedding and reception. I am not requiring her to stay at the air bnb. She is welcome to stay elsewhere.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I suppose I could clarify that I’m not going to make my children pay me. I’m not willing to give dd’s mil and sister a free stay.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jun 17, 2024 12:22:15 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Will the AirBNB allow this?  I have seen issues where if they find out more people have been scheduled than beds, they ping you.  This is to avoid people planning parties there.  

How many nights is this? What you’ve proposed is fair (I agree about charging per bedroom), but how are you dealing with food outside the shower?

Yes, I’ve cleared it with owner. The house has beds for 12. I also made sure that having max of 25 people fora lunch shower is okay.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Of one of DD’s friends asks to stay, I’d also tell them it’s the same amount to do so.

[Pink Cashmere]

Jun 17, 2024 13:07:54 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I paid for the 2/3 of the wedding in 2021. DD and SIL paid the other third. This woman offered no money and no help. She was quite rude to me during the wedding and reception. I am not requiring her to stay at the air bnb. She is welcome to stay elsewhere.

If it were me, given that she is rude, I probably wouldn’t even offer her the option to stay at the Air BnB, being stuck with her messing up my vibe because we are staying in the same place. But she is your SIL’s Mom, so Idk how you can do that in a tactful way, without offending him, I wouldn’t care much about offending his Mom.

Are there other alternatives where it’s not so obvious that I, as the hostess, will provide for my children, their SO’s and Miss Grandbaby, plus my Mom and sister, to stay with me with me and my DH, but I really prefer she stay elsewhere, without potentially causing a rift with SIL or between DD and SIL?

[Pink Cashmere]

Jun 17, 2024 13:09:24 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I suppose I could clarify that I’m not going to make my children pay me. I’m not willing to give dd’s mil and sister a free stay.

I figured that part out, but I’m glad you clarified that I was correct. LOL!

[daisylu]

Jun 17, 2024 13:09:24 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I suppose I could clarify that I’m not going to make my children pay me. I’m not willing to give dd’s mil and sister a free stay.

In that case, and considering that you would be asking MIL and sister to share a room, I would offer them the room at $400 or they can choose to stay in a hotel. It sounds like MIL would likely choose a nearby hotel anyway.

Your DD is likely stuck with them for decades. I get the hard feelings on MIL being rude to you and not helping out, but I would be the bigger person here to try to keep some peace for DD. YMMV.

[bookkeeper]

Jun 17, 2024 13:09:24 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I suppose I could clarify that I’m not going to make my children pay me. I’m not willing to give dd’s mil and sister a free stay.

Maybe these two should stay at a hotel.  You can't make them pay you either.

[Pink Cashmere]

Jun 17, 2024 13:33:24 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Jun 17, 2024 13:09:24 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I suppose I could clarify that I’m not going to make my children pay me. I’m not willing to give dd’s mil and sister a free stay.

In that case, and considering that you would be asking MIL and sister to share a room, I would offer them the room at $400 or they can choose to stay in a hotel. It sounds like MIL would likely choose a nearby hotel anyway.

Your DD is likely stuck with them for decades. I get the hard feelings on MIL being rude to you and not helping out, but I would be the bigger person here to try to keep some peace for DD. YMMV.

This is just me being ornery and you can probably figure out several reasons why I’m saying it lol, but I’ve started feeling like being the bigger person is often overrated.

I do understand what you are saying, and agree with trying to keep some peace for DD. What I said is my own personal issue, and nothing to do with Chloe, but I just had to say it lol.

[Pink Cashmere]

Jun 17, 2024 13:34:58 GMT -5 bookkeeper said:

Jun 17, 2024 13:09:24 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I suppose I could clarify that I’m not going to make my children pay me. I’m not willing to give dd’s mil and sister a free stay.

Maybe these two should stay at a hotel.  You can't make them pay you either.

Oh dear, I would hope it wouldn’t come to that, but you are right that she can’t make them pay her, even if they agree to. That would be very bad.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jun 17, 2024 13:34:58 GMT -5 bookkeeper said:

Jun 17, 2024 13:09:24 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I suppose I could clarify that I’m not going to make my children pay me. I’m not willing to give dd’s mil and sister a free stay.

Maybe these two should stay at a hotel.  You can't make them pay you either.

I’m struggling to understand this.
If I’m upfront with everyone,
This is where we’re having the bad at shower.
If you would like to stay the night at the this place,
It’s $XYZ per person.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jun 17, 2024 13:33:24 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Jun 17, 2024 13:09:24 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I suppose I could clarify that I’m not going to make my children pay me. I’m not willing to give dd’s mil and sister a free stay.

In that case, and considering that you would be asking MIL and sister to share a room, I would offer them the room at $400 or they can choose to stay in a hotel. It sounds like MIL would likely choose a nearby hotel anyway.

Your DD is likely stuck with them for decades. I get the hard feelings on MIL being rude to you and not helping out, but I would be the bigger person here to try to keep some peace for DD. YMMV.

The problem is I don’t think she’d stay in a hotel; she’d assume she could just stay the night and contribute anything. , that is why I’m trying to be up front and clear about expectations—to keep the peace. otherwise I’d just flat out say “you’re not welcome because you’re a twat” 😜

[resolution]

Do you know if everyone would actually attend? Personally, I wouldn't fly somewhere and then pay $400 a night to attend a baby shower. I would probably just send them a gift and maybe plan a visit out there later when I would have more one-on-one time with the family. Or I did plan to attend, I would probably drive and then rent the hotel room so I would have more privacy.

I am not intending to be critical of your plans, just that $2700 is a lot to spend on the location for a baby shower unless you are sure that enough people would attend and want to share the rooms.

[TheOtherMe]

It sounds like you don't want them there.  Give them a list of nearby hotels and be done with it.

I also would not attend a baby shower that far away.  

[daisylu]

Jun 17, 2024 14:10:38 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Jun 17, 2024 13:33:24 GMT -5 daisylu said:

In that case, and considering that you would be asking MIL and sister to share a room, I would offer them the room at $400 or they can choose to stay in a hotel. It sounds like MIL would likely choose a nearby hotel anyway.

Your DD is likely stuck with them for decades. I get the hard feelings on MIL being rude to you and not helping out, but I would be the bigger person here to try to keep some peace for DD. YMMV.

The problem is I don’t think she’d stay in a hotel; she’d assume she could just stay the night and contribute anything. , that is why I’m trying to be up front and clear about expectations—to keep the peace. otherwise I’d just flat out say “you’re not welcome because you’re a twat” 😜

I get it. As bookkeeper said though she could agree and then not pay. IME assh*le family is good at that. Unless you plan to ask for payment in advance. I did not see where you mentioned when it would be. I also suspect that she would come up with every excuse - "I will send it with my son - my son will handle it", etc and you will never see a dime. 

Did you ask your DD her thoughts? If she is good, I would just do the Air BnB for family and tell the ILS "Here are hotels in the area, you are welcome to come to the Air BnB where we are staying during the day.".

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

(null)
This is why we keep you around. 😆

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jun 17, 2024 14:34:26 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

It sounds like you don't want them there.  Give them a list of nearby hotels and be done with it.

I also would not attend a baby shower that far away.  

Of course I don’t want them there. That’s not the point. The point is to try to keep the peace. However, not going to let them freeload off of me.
It would surprise me if you would not attend your child’s/grandchild’s baby shower.

I’m cutting 120 miles off of the trip for them.

[CCL]

I'd have shower at my own house. Either they can make it, or they can't.

Then I'd take my extra money and furnish the baby's nursery.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jun 17, 2024 14:34:50 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Jun 17, 2024 14:10:38 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

The problem is I don’t think she’d stay in a hotel; she’d assume she could just stay the night and contribute anything. , that is why I’m trying to be up front and clear about expectations—to keep the peace. otherwise I’d just flat out say “you’re not welcome because you’re a twat” 😜

I get it. As bookkeeper said though she could agree and then not pay. IME assh*le family is good at that. Unless you plan to ask for payment in advance. I did not see where you mentioned when it would be. I also suspect that she would come up with every excuse - "I will send it with my son - my son will handle it", etc and you will never see a dime. 

Did you ask your DD her thoughts? If she is good, I would just do the Air BnB for family and tell the ILS "Here are hotels in the area, you are welcome to come to the Air BnB where we are staying during the day.".

General Disclaimer To Everyone: I have been answering while standing in line at Costco. If any of my answers came out as argumentative, it was NOT intentional.


Here are some more specifics.

This plan is about 48-hours old.
No invitations exists yet much less been sent.
I can afford the $2700. I’m not counting on people reimbursing me. What I don’t want is to (a) be completely rude and tell someone they’re not welcome but also (b) have reasonable expectations for a financial contribution if you ask to stay the night at the Airbnb.

The distance of travel is not unusual for living in the PNW.
If I have the shower at my own house, 20 people of 25 have to travel at least 140 miles including both of my daughters. If I have it in the location we’re discussing here, 15 of the people have to travel 15 to 80 miles and 7 have to travel 120 - 300 miles. Regardless, three people are flying in to the closest airport.

If me asking for financial contributions to staying the night somewhere really truly is against etiquette, then I need to accept that.

I do tend to hold a grudge. If that’s what I’m doing, I need to table it for this particular event.
Also, SIL’s mother does not manage money well—as in filed bankruptcy twice neither time being medical. Her financial drama is quite frustrating to DD, and I don’t *want to reward that*. If that’s me being too rude, I’ll have to process that perspective.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Driving home from Costco now. 😂

[Pink Cashmere]

Jun 17, 2024 14:31:46 GMT -5 resolution said:

Do you know if everyone would actually attend? Personally, I wouldn't fly somewhere and then pay $400 a night to attend a baby shower. I would probably just send them a gift and maybe plan a visit out there later when I would have more one-on-one time with the family. Or I did plan to attend, I would probably drive and then rent the hotel room so I would have more privacy.

I am not intending to be critical of your plans, just that $2700 is a lot to spend on the location for a baby shower unless you are sure that enough people would attend and want to share the rooms.

If I had the means, I would travel to attend a baby shower for my child’s first (and maybe even a second and third) baby, and spend money on the travel costs and lodging, and whatever else. So I completely understand the SIL’s Mom wanting to come to the baby shower. My brother and I aren’t close, so even though I definitely would’ve at least sent a gift, I’m not sure I would’ve traveled to a baby shower for his first baby if we didn’t live near each other.

It seems to me that the cost for the Air BnB, is mostly for Chloe and her DH, and their immediate family members, to be able to stay in the same spot. The bonus is that it is big enough that she can also have the baby shower there. 

It sounds like if Chloe’s DD’s MIL had not acted the way she has in the past, none of this would even be an issue. Chloe would just rent the Air BnB and foot the bill, and whoever shows up, shows up, because that’s what she wants to do to host a baby shower for her daughter. I could be wrong though, since I am kind of speaking on Chloe’s behalf with that. 

[debthaven]

Knee Deep in Water Chloe  I agree with the others, now that I finally get it LOL.

Keep the AirBnB for your family, and send a link to the HI express to the others.

But you need to state there's no room for the others in your AirBnB. Otherwise MIL and SIL will agree to stay, say they'll pay you, and you'll be waiting for money that will never come.

IMO it's easier to say there's no more room there, and send a link to the HI and/or another, cheaper AirBnB.

This said, I still think I'd opt to do it in my house if my DD was OK with that. 

[wvugurl26]

I don't see an issue with saying the shower will be at x location. If you wish, you can stay there for $400. If you'd prefer a hotel room, the closest options are xyz.

I understand not wanting to foot the bill for a freeloader.

I don't see the traveling as a problem. My family is all scattered so it's nothing odd to me. I guess some families haven't scattered as much.