Charging for a Room

[debthaven]

I'd edit what wvugurl26 said:

If you wish, you can stay there for $400 paid in advance. If you'd prefer a hotel room, the closest options are xyz.

But I agree with wvugurl26, that's the simplest way to do it. 

[jerseygirl]

Agree keep the B&B for your family and send list of hotels to SIL family
IMHO paying for your family and making SIL family pay for being at the b&b seems mean and petty. Liable to cause problems for your DD and SIL.
So she was rude whatever in the past. Do you really want to continue the agita? Create more family tension for your SIL and DD? Try reversing and if you went and were asked to pay if the large group of SILs family weren’t.

[Pink Cashmere]

Jun 17, 2024 15:56:44 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Agree keep the B&B for your family and send list of hotels to SIL family
IMHO paying for your family and making SIL family pay for being at the b&b seems mean and petty. Liable to cause problems for your DD and SIL.
So she was rude whatever in the past. Do you really want to continue the agita? Create more family tension for your SIL and DD? Try reversing and if you went and were asked to pay if the large group of SILs family weren’t.

I understand your point, but Chloe is paying for her family to have a place to stay, and for all the costs to host the baby shower. So, taking all of the other stuff out, she and her DD’s MIL are equals and if we want to look at it that way, SIL’s mother can just be responsible for lodging for herself and her side of the family, especially if she is not contributing to the costs of the baby shower. 

IIRC, Chloe said that she and her DH paid for most of the costs for the wedding, and the bride and groom paid the rest. The MIL did not contribute anything financially, and was rude to Chloe, who helped make things happen, including with her money. Not that the MIL should’ve been kissing Chloe’s ass, but she could’ve at least been polite to her son’s MIL regardless of who paid for what.

I get it that Chloe should probably try to play nice as much as she can, but that goes both ways, DD’s MIL should also try to play nice with Chloe, and if she refuses, and continues to be rude to Chloe, Chloe gets to set her boundaries as she feels is necessary. 

I admit that I might be making this whole thing more than it has to be, because of things that have and are happening in my own personal life. 

I am just not a fan anymore, of sucking shit up, to try to keep the peace with or for anyone, that is rude and acts an ass with me. And I am most definitely not trying to share a space with someone like that for a few days, when and where I  can’t just go home to get away from them and their bad vibes and them getting on my damn nerves, 

[resolution]

Jun 17, 2024 13:07:54 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I paid for the 2/3 of the wedding in 2021. DD and SIL paid the other third. This woman offered no money and no help. She was quite rude to me during the wedding and reception. I am not requiring her to stay at the air bnb. She is welcome to stay elsewhere.

I like the suggestion of just not offering her a spot at the air bnb. Seems like a recipe for more drama to have her stay in the same house with you, even if you are trying to turn the other cheek.

[CCL]

How many bedrooms is it, anyway? Maybe there really isn't space for MIL and SIL? You already have, what, 6 bedrooms spoken for? I think offering a room to them, whether they pay or not might be opening a can of worms.

We get along fine with son's inlaws, but I'm not interested in spending the weekend with them. Why not rent a place to fit your family, without extra bedrooms, then give them local hotel info?

[azucena]

Chloe - are any of your daughter's good friends coming to the shower from further away? Might be nice to invite them to stay in airbnb so they can visit longer. If you know them pretty well, you could adjust room cost for their financial situation and recoup some of the overall cost but maybe not all. Just an idea.

[daisylu]

Jun 17, 2024 16:41:41 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Jun 17, 2024 15:56:44 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Agree keep the B&B for your family and send list of hotels to SIL family
IMHO paying for your family and making SIL family pay for being at the b&b seems mean and petty. Liable to cause problems for your DD and SIL.
So she was rude whatever in the past. Do you really want to continue the agita? Create more family tension for your SIL and DD? Try reversing and if you went and were asked to pay if the large group of SILs family weren’t.

I understand your point, but Chloe is paying for her family to have a place to stay, and for all the costs to host the baby shower. So, taking all of the other stuff out, she and her DD’s MIL are equals and if we want to look at it that way, SIL’s mother can just be responsible for lodging for herself and her side of the family, especially if she is not contributing to the costs of the baby shower. 

IIRC, Chloe said that she and her DH paid for most of the costs for the wedding, and the bride and groom paid the rest. The MIL did not contribute anything financially, and was rude to Chloe, who helped make things happen, including with her money. Not that the MIL should’ve been kissing Chloe’s ass, but she could’ve at least been polite to her son’s MIL regardless of who paid for what.

I get it that Chloe should probably try to play nice as much as she can, but that goes both ways, DD’s MIL should also try to play nice with Chloe, and if she refuses, and continues to be rude to Chloe, Chloe gets to set her boundaries as she feels is necessary. 

I admit that I might be making this whole thing more than it has to be, because of things that have and are happening in my own personal life. 

I am just not a fan anymore, of sucking shit up, to try to keep the peace with or for anyone, that is rude and acts an ass with me. And I am most definitely not trying to share a space with someone like that for a few days, when and where I  can’t just go home to get away from them and their bad vibes and them getting on my damn nerves, 

Exactly why Chloe should say "The baby shower is here and I've rented a place for my family" and be done with it. 

And I may also be reading more into it, but to me it sounds like given the distance Chloe has extremely minimal interaction with the MIL. If that is the case I'd suck it up for my kid for 2 days to keep the peace. JMVHO

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Some answers:


1) Try reversing and if you went and were asked to pay if the large group of SILs family weren’t.

I think this is one of those situations in which the varying financial perspectives and statuses of those involved create a murky situation. 

In my early 20s, I would probably not be aware that I needed to contribute to something like this. I had this happen with my family. My grandmother bought a vacation house near Yosemite's north entrance. I went there and took the girls at least four times. When she passed, my aunt announced that grandchildren had to start paying to stay there. I was shocked--but I was wrong. I did not yet have a full time job and would never have been able to afford such a vacation on my own. I just assumed that I was entitled because my grandmother never brought up money or mentioned the expenses of the house. 

XH's extended family had a vacation house in Washington State to which we were invited once. The very extended family member who owned the house did not charge anyone to go there. We went with two of XH's siblings and their families. SIL was clear that we would be splitting the cost of the groceries --fair. However, she went and bought the groceries and then told us what we each owed her. Our nuclear family portions were 2x what I would spend on a week of groceries. I had an anxiety attack. Again--I was in my early 20s and we were living below the poverty line. 

So, now, I'm in my mid-40s and UMC.  I don't mind paying for my own children. Plus, they are well trained to ask what they are expected to contribute. I cannot fathom--at this point in my life--assuming that someone who rented an AirBNB was just going to let me stay there and not cover any part of it. 





2) I like the suggestion of just not offering her a spot at the air bnb. Seems like a recipe for more drama to have her stay in the same house with you, even if you are trying to turn the other cheek.
I think this is where DD and I have landed. Me agreeing to include her at the baby shower is enough of a "turn the other cheek" move.  



3) How many bedrooms is it, anyway?
Well, the one I had found that initiated this post has 5 bedrooms. I have since found another one with 5 bedrooms that is $500 less than the one we've discussed here. I may keep looking for one that is only 3 bedrooms. As someone mentioned, most AirBNB operators no longer allow large gatherings. It's been hard to find something that is set up well enough for hosting 20 to 25 people for a lunch time shower and will also allow that to happen. 

4) are any of your daughter's good friends coming to the shower from further away? Might be nice to invite them to stay in airbnb so they can visit longer.
Yes, that's partly why we're having the shower up there so her friends are closer. She's excited to be able to see her long distance friends all day instead of being confined to a three-hour time frame at a venue. 

We hosted their wedding where we lived, and so many people had to travel. But, it was COVID, and renting a venue during that time just wasn't going to work. I don't want to ask her friends to travel again. 

5) It sounds like given the distance Chloe has extremely minimal interaction with the MIL
Yes, this is correct. We've not seen her since the wedding. 


6) Chloe would just rent the Air BnB and foot the bill, and whoever shows up, shows up, because that’s what she wants to do to host a baby shower for her daughter.

I cannot remember what I was going to say here...lol...I'm sure it will come back to me. 

7) I'd have shower at my own house. Either they can make it, or they can't. Then I'd take my extra money and furnish the baby's nursery.
Well, then someone else would have to host one where DD#1 currently lives. I don't think I should that on anyone else. This is my child. I'm trying to give her a nice baby shower in a location that accommodates more guests than not. 

8)Do you know if everyone would actually attend? Personally, I wouldn't fly somewhere and then pay $400 a night to attend a baby shower. I would probably just send them a gift and maybe plan a visit out there later when I would have more one-on-one time with the family.
It's son-in-law's sister who has to fly in and potentially son-in-law's grandmother if she chooses to attend. The sister will absolutely be there. She has asked that a date be set so she can plan for it. I appreciate her being up front about that part. For the grandmother, it will depend on her mood and her health if she attends. However, if I can be accomodating by having the shower near a major airport, I'm more than willing to do that. 

[pooks]

Jun 17, 2024 13:07:54 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I paid for the 2/3 of the wedding in 2021. DD and SIL paid the other third. This woman offered no money and no help. She was quite rude to me during the wedding and reception. I am not requiring her to stay at the air bnb. She is welcome to stay elsewhere.

There is no excuse for the rudeness, but I am a bit confused why you are mad that the mother didn't help pay for the wedding.

My family does not contribute to weddings, neither does DH's family.  Thinking about it, I always assume adults pay for their own weddings.  I never asked how DS paid for his wedding or if the in-laws contributed.  Maybe I have some in-laws who are harboring a grudge.  

[Bonny]

Keep in mind I'm nearly 63...Boomer Alert!

Do mothers host daughters' baby showers now? I thought showers were hosted by friends or extended family like an aunt. Otherwise it looks like another gift grab by mom for daughter. 

I understand paying for the Air B&B as a gift and limiting the gift as a venue and a few close relatives. You would think the father's family would do something similar.

And you're right Chloe, due to noise, parking and trash considerations hosting a party at an Air B&B is severely restricted in many locations. We are limited to 8 guests at our Air B&B and have to have a noise monitor on our back deck pursuant to County regulations.

[resolution]

Jun 19, 2024 9:57:29 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Keep in mind I'm nearly 63...Boomer Alert!

Do mothers host daughters' baby showers now? I thought showers were hosted by friends or extended family like an aunt. Otherwise it looks like another gift grab by mom for daughter. 

I thought the same thing (Gen X here), but I googled it and according to google it is now acceptable for anyone to host, including a parent or grandparent.

[TheOtherMe]

Another boomer and I don't like it either.  DN3's wife hosted her own baby shower.  That I still don't think is right.  

Do they still play stupid shower games?

I also thought parents paid for the wedding in most cases.  I know in the instance of my niece and DN1 the parents paid for most of it.  Living in Colorado when my niece was married, I didn't get invited to any showers for her wedding or baby showers.

NIL's grad school friends gave her a wedding shower.  We didn't play any stupid shower games either.    If they had any plans for a baby shower, I never heard about them.  Of course, 2020 put an end to their having a shower.  

I know my sister and BIL paid a lot of money for their daughter's wedding.  My BIL is a recovering alcoholic and does not pay for alcohol.  Her husband's family was not happy about that but they paid for the booze.  Of course, weddings were a lot different when she got married than weddings are now.  A church wedding followed by a reception with meal and dance at the local hall.  

DN1's wedding was at a wedding venue.  It was lovely.  It was outdoors and we had lovely weather.  They didn't have a lot of people in part because only NIL's parents and sister came from Ukraine.

DN3's wedding was at a museum with all of the gimmicks of today.  

[Bonny]

Jun 19, 2024 11:31:02 GMT -5 resolution said:

Jun 19, 2024 9:57:29 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Keep in mind I'm nearly 63...Boomer Alert!

Do mothers host daughters' baby showers now? I thought showers were hosted by friends or extended family like an aunt. Otherwise it looks like another gift grab by mom for daughter. 

I thought the same thing (Gen X here), but I googled it and according to google it is now acceptable for anyone to host, including a parent or grandparent.

The last two I was invited to (within the last year) daughter's wedding shower was hosted by aunt and the baby shower for another friend's daughter was hosted by the friend's daughter's friend (although I think my friend and her husband paid for the hall rental). I couldn't (and really didn't want to) attend so I can't tell you about what they did.

I hosted first friend's baby shower 31 years ago. I made sure the boys attended so they knew they were on the line! 

For the record I never had any showers. When we got married I returned "home" from 3,000 miles away and was grateful my childhood BFF made the trip from 6,000 miles away. This was 36 years ago and I think the concept of Bridezilla wasn't yet identified but it was starting to be a thing. We had lived together for over a year so we had what we needed. I was embarassed about the crass gift graps. My mother was upset I didn't register but it turned out for the best. We wound up with so much of DH's family stuff which was much better than anything we would have selected.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jun 18, 2024 13:50:19 GMT -5 pooks said:

Jun 17, 2024 13:07:54 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I paid for the 2/3 of the wedding in 2021. DD and SIL paid the other third. This woman offered no money and no help. She was quite rude to me during the wedding and reception. I am not requiring her to stay at the air bnb. She is welcome to stay elsewhere.

There is no excuse for the rudeness, but I am a bit confused why you are mad that the mother didn't help pay for the wedding.

My family does not contribute to weddings, neither does DH's family.  Thinking about it, I always assume adults pay for their own weddings.  I never asked how DS paid for his wedding or if the in-laws contributed.  Maybe I have some in-laws who are harboring a grudge.  

I’ll clarify that she helped in no way—money nor labor—with either the wedding nor the rehearsal dinner. My family did all of it—48 hours of feeding at least 40 people.
I’m not upset that she did not contribute financially. I’m upset that she and her brother complained incessantly and were rude to me and my husband in my home during my daughter’s wedding weekend. I’m not interested in paying for her lodging in any circumstance. I don’t think I’m being out of line.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jun 19, 2024 9:57:29 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Keep in mind I'm nearly 63...Boomer Alert!

Do mothers host daughters' baby showers now? I thought showers were hosted by friends or extended family like an aunt. Otherwise it looks like another gift grab by mom for daughter. 

I understand paying for the Air B&B as a gift and limiting the gift as a venue and a few close relatives. You would think the father's family would do something similar.

And you're right Chloe, due to noise, parking and trash considerations hosting a party at an Air B&B is severely restricted in many locations. We are limited to 8 guests at our Air B&B and have to have a noise monitor on our back deck pursuant to County regulations.

I don’t think I knew at all that immediate family members were not supposed to host their daughters/sisters/nieces baby showers. Normally I’m well-versed in etiquette.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jun 19, 2024 15:33:50 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Another boomer and I don't like it either.  DN3's wife hosted her own baby shower.  That I still don't think is right.  

Do they still play stupid shower games?

I also thought parents paid for the wedding in most cases.  I know in the instance of my niece and DN1 the parents paid for most of it.  Living in Colorado when my niece was married, I didn't get invited to any showers for her wedding or baby showers.

NIL's grad school friends gave her a wedding shower.  We didn't play any stupid shower games either.    If they had any plans for a baby shower, I never heard about them.  Of course, 2020 put an end to their having a shower.  

I know my sister and BIL paid a lot of money for their daughter's wedding.  My BIL is a recovering alcoholic and does not pay for alcohol.  Her husband's family was not happy about that but they paid for the booze.  Of course, weddings were a lot different when she got married than weddings are now.  A church wedding followed by a reception with meal and dance at the local hall.  

DN1's wedding was at a wedding venue.  It was lovely.  It was outdoors and we had lovely weather.  They didn't have a lot of people in part because only NIL's parents and sister came from Ukraine.

DN3's wedding was at a museum with all of the gimmicks of today.  

You’ve been quite clear that you wouldn’t travel to a shower and you think they’re “stupid”. Maybe they didn’t tell you about them because they knew you’d be annoyed?

[Pink Cashmere]

Jun 19, 2024 17:42:17 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Jun 18, 2024 13:50:19 GMT -5 pooks said:

There is no excuse for the rudeness, but I am a bit confused why you are mad that the mother didn't help pay for the wedding.

My family does not contribute to weddings, neither does DH's family.  Thinking about it, I always assume adults pay for their own weddings.  I never asked how DS paid for his wedding or if the in-laws contributed.  Maybe I have some in-laws who are harboring a grudge.  

I’ll clarify that she helped in no way—money nor labor—with either the wedding nor the rehearsal dinner. My family did all of it—48 hours of feeding at least 40 people.
I’m not upset that she did not contribute financially. I’m upset that she and her brother complained incessantly and were rude to me and my husband in my home during my daughter’s wedding weekend. I’m not interested in paying for her lodging in any circumstance. I don’t think I’m being out of line.

Yeah, she needs to stay somewhere else, away from you. If she was rude to you in your own home, you can’t expect more from her in an AirBnB.

[Pink Cashmere]

I knew that it was supposedly taboo for close family to host a baby shower. Even though I knew it was the “rule”, I never considered it a gift grab. People that want to gift something for the new baby, will. And people that don’t want to, won’t. I always looked at it as a gathering to share the excitement of the baby that’s on the way, regardless of who is hosting it. Guests bring gifts because it’s customary and part of the fun.

DD didn’t ever have a baby shower. But with my first Grandbaby, a few of my friends and coworkers still gave her gifts, without a shower. Which I thought was very kind and generous, because just a few people, gave her a lot of stuff. And I know enough about proper etiquette that they each got a handwritten thank you card from her.

DD didn’t want a baby shower. But if she had, I wouldn’t have let some “rule” stop me from hosting one for her if that’s what I wanted to do. And whoever would’ve turned their nose up at that would’ve been welcome to stay far away.

[resolution]

I attended my SIL's third baby shower a few months ago. It was a lot fancier than any of the other showers that I have attended. They rented a church hall and had streamers and balloons all over the ceiling and the walls. There were tablecloths and a bunch of decorations on each table, and everyone got party favors like at a wedding reception. I had eaten before I arrived because it started at 1:00pm; but they had a full meal, so I had missed the memo on that one. There were also several silly shower games and then baby themed activities at each place setting, like a word search and word jumble to work on independently during the shower.  I was hoping to just stay for a few hours, but I needed to give my mother-in-law a ride home, so I had to stay and help clean up. It ended up being about 6-7 hours before I could go.

[Pink Cashmere]

Jun 19, 2024 18:25:30 GMT -5 resolution said:

I attended my SIL's third baby shower a few months ago. It was a lot fancier than any of the other showers that I have attended. They rented a church hall and had streamers and balloons all over the ceiling and the walls. There were tablecloths and a bunch of decorations on each table, and everyone got party favors like at a wedding reception. I had eaten before I arrived because it started at 1:00pm; but they had a full meal, so I had missed the memo on that one. There were also several silly shower games and then baby themed activities at each place setting, like a word search and word jumble to work on independently during the shower.  I was hoping to just stay for a few hours, but I needed to give my mother-in-law a ride home, so I had to stay and help clean up. It ended up being about 6-7 hours before I could go.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I really do not like the games and all of that. 2 hours is my max for that kind of thing, and 2 hours is stretching it lol.

[daisylu]

Jun 19, 2024 18:43:27 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Jun 19, 2024 18:25:30 GMT -5 resolution said:

I attended my SIL's third baby shower a few months ago. It was a lot fancier than any of the other showers that I have attended. They rented a church hall and had streamers and balloons all over the ceiling and the walls. There were tablecloths and a bunch of decorations on each table, and everyone got party favors like at a wedding reception. I had eaten before I arrived because it started at 1:00pm; but they had a full meal, so I had missed the memo on that one. There were also several silly shower games and then baby themed activities at each place setting, like a word search and word jumble to work on independently during the shower.  I was hoping to just stay for a few hours, but I needed to give my mother-in-law a ride home, so I had to stay and help clean up. It ended up being about 6-7 hours before I could go.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I really do not like the games and all of that. 2 hours is my max for that kind of thing, and 2 hours is stretching it lol.

@resolution I don't get the multiple baby showers, unless the kids are at least 5+ years apart. I would also add that I come a family that is mostly not well off. Those that are I will attend but I'm giving a small gift. 

Pink Cashmere My family (mostly cousins at this point) is very spread out so mostly we gather for funerals,  so when we have a happy occasion like a baby shower I'm in all day. 

[TheOtherMe]

Jun 19, 2024 17:55:37 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Jun 19, 2024 15:33:50 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Another boomer and I don't like it either.  DN3's wife hosted her own baby shower.  That I still don't think is right.  

Do they still play stupid shower games?

I also thought parents paid for the wedding in most cases.  I know in the instance of my niece and DN1 the parents paid for most of it.  Living in Colorado when my niece was married, I didn't get invited to any showers for her wedding or baby showers.

NIL's grad school friends gave her a wedding shower.  We didn't play any stupid shower games either.    If they had any plans for a baby shower, I never heard about them.  Of course, 2020 put an end to their having a shower.  

I know my sister and BIL paid a lot of money for their daughter's wedding.  My BIL is a recovering alcoholic and does not pay for alcohol.  Her husband's family was not happy about that but they paid for the booze.  Of course, weddings were a lot different when she got married than weddings are now.  A church wedding followed by a reception with meal and dance at the local hall.  

DN1's wedding was at a wedding venue.  It was lovely.  It was outdoors and we had lovely weather.  They didn't have a lot of people in part because only NIL's parents and sister came from Ukraine.

DN3's wedding was at a museum with all of the gimmicks of today.  

You’ve been quite clear that you wouldn’t travel to a shower and you think they’re “stupid”. Maybe they didn’t tell you about them because they knew you’d be annoyed?

I would not have traveled from Colorado for a baby shower or a wedding.  I was working.  I took time off work to come to the wedding.  That is much more important to attend than a shower.  I've also never had the kind of money to hop on a plane for these kinds of things.  At my niece's wedding, I helped with decorating the hall and thoroughly enjoyed it.  

I do think it's stupid to travel for a shower and be expected to travel for a wedding.  I sent gifts.  That is quite adequate in my family.

I have never been to a shower where someone got on a plane to attend. 

[wvugurl26]

I've got on a plane twice for baby showers for my cousin. I was happy to do so both times. They were scheduled such that the only time I needed off was my every other Friday off. The two babies were several years apart. I also got on a plane to go to my godson's first birthday party. I'd rather fly than drive 9 hours down I-95. My brother and I flew to a 50th anniversary party for our great aunt and uncle.

I love my family. If they are having celebrations and it is within my budget/time off to attend, I will do so even if it means getting on a plane. The only family near me is my brother. To see anyone else requires a 4 hour drive one way or longer or a plane ride.

Life is short. I'd much rather show up for celebrations for loved ones than a funeral.

[zibazinski]

Jun 17, 2024 14:44:40 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Jun 17, 2024 14:34:26 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

It sounds like you don't want them there.  Give them a list of nearby hotels and be done with it.

I also would not attend a baby shower that far away.  

Of course I don’t want them there. That’s not the point. The point is to try to keep the peace. However, not going to let them freeload off of me.
It would surprise me if you would not attend your child’s/grandchild’s baby shower.

I’m cutting 120 miles off of the trip for them.

Nothing surprises me after I gave DS and his wife a wedding reception and no one in her family came. Her mom didn’t even go wedding dress shopping with her. Probably because she’d be expected to pay for it. I’ve never met her and I don’t think I could be civil if I did. DS doesn’t understand why his wife has ANYTHING to do with her mother but I told him I was in my 50’s before I accepted that my mother didn’t love anyone but herself, and even then, not so much.

[zibazinski]

Jun 19, 2024 9:57:29 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Keep in mind I'm nearly 63...Boomer Alert!

Do mothers host daughters' baby showers now? I thought showers were hosted by friends or extended family like an aunt. Otherwise it looks like another gift grab by mom for daughter. 

I understand paying for the Air B&B as a gift and limiting the gift as a venue and a few close relatives. You would think the father's family would do something similar.

And you're right Chloe, due to noise, parking and trash considerations hosting a party at an Air B&B is severely restricted in many locations. We are limited to 8 guests at our Air B&B and have to have a noise monitor on our back deck pursuant to County regulations.

I’m a boomer too and my mother in laws best friend hosted my baby shower.

[finnime]

I'm a boomer and unsure how that is relevant.

I just want to say, I think what you're planning is lovely and generous for your DD, Chloe. The MIL can stay elsewhere and should. She's shown what she thinks of you. Make it nice for your DD.

[Artemis Windsong]

I'd say.  Go Holiday Inn block of rooms and ask for a room for the shower festivities.  Everyone who wants to attend can reserve a room in the block.  Bunk with the person they want.  If you want to treat a couple of people by paying for them, then do so on the sly.

If people like cozy, they can get two kings for 4 people and a couple of  add'l beds in one room.  Split the cost with that group.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jun 25, 2024 8:16:18 GMT -5 finnime said:

I'm a boomer and unsure how that is relevant.

I just want to say, I think what you're planning is lovely and generous for your DD, Chloe. The MIL can stay elsewhere and should. She's shown what she thinks of you. Make it nice for your DD.

Thanks. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jun 25, 2024 21:04:37 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Jun 25, 2024 8:16:18 GMT -5 finnime said:

I'm a boomer and unsure how that is relevant.

I just want to say, I think what you're planning is lovely and generous for your DD, Chloe. The MIL can stay elsewhere and should. She's shown what she thinks of you. Make it nice for your DD.

Thanks. 

I do appreciate the suggestion. In the long run, paying for hotel rooms and an event venue costs me about the same amount money and makes set up and clean up much more stressful. I'm trying to reduce stress. 

[busymom]

Jun 20, 2024 8:08:41 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Jun 19, 2024 17:55:37 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

You’ve been quite clear that you wouldn’t travel to a shower and you think they’re “stupid”. Maybe they didn’t tell you about them because they knew you’d be annoyed?

I would not have traveled from Colorado for a baby shower or a wedding.  I was working.  I took time off work to come to the wedding.  That is much more important to attend than a shower.  I've also never had the kind of money to hop on a plane for these kinds of things.  At my niece's wedding, I helped with decorating the hall and thoroughly enjoyed it.  

I do think it's stupid to travel for a shower and be expected to travel for a wedding.  I sent gifts.  That is quite adequate in my family.

I have never been to a shower where someone got on a plane to attend. 

   DH & I have never traveled further than one state away for any family wedding.  We married young, and started out "dirt floor poor", so we didn't even send shower gifts to any family member that we hadn't personally met.  It took awhile for some of my cousins to figure out if I hadn't met their kids, I wasn't sending gifts.  I wasn't being mean, but DH & I were just getting by.  I WAS generous in throwing showers for DH's siblings, but probably spent too much time & money on that.  We're inching closer to retirement, so once retired, we won't be gifting unless it's very close family.  Gotta eat, yanno.