I am more than my job

[jerseygirl]

Aug 19, 2022 20:09:12 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Aug 18, 2022 15:29:03 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

OMG.  I've been watching too many training videos today.  I read "stress leaves" and thought you were making some kind of marijuana reference. 

I thought of tea. Yours is way more fun.

Well the stress leaves were in Holland so marijuana definitely part of it

[Bonny]

Aug 19, 2022 17:53:52 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Aug 19, 2022 12:34:53 GMT -5 swamp said:

what did you actually tell him? 

I told my boss i haven't been happy and my work reflects that, so I was leaving. I said that I never felt like I was set up for success since the promotion and it was best for everyone if I just go. I didn't say much more than that.

When I told my GM (the sam me speil as I told my boss), he was very sweet. He was clearly surprised. He reminisced about our "early years" together. And told me how important i was to him, and how much he would miss me. He asked me if he could talk me out of it and I told him that I didn't like working for my boss and why, and told him that wasn't for common knowledge- knowing he will drop hints at what he heard. I also told him I felt like I had too much baggage now and a clean break is best. I cried when I got off the phone with him.

He told his 3 direct reports, who are my favorite people in the company. They all sent me really sweet texts. One asked me if my plan was to day drink 🤣🤣.

I also talked to a career coach. I thought it would sound more bullshitty and therapy-ish. But, it seemed quite regimented. They have evaluations, and homework and a set plan for figuring out what you want and how to get there. They also will do resume and interview prep. I think I am going to sign up. It is a monthly thing, so if it isn't working I can bail out.

So - that is my deal. I am starting to feel relieved - but also nervous.

Hold them close! I think you have your references. 

Congratulations! You will be fine. 

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Aug 18, 2022 9:17:26 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

billisonboard - that would be fine. But I am actually over 2 units, and he organized each one differently. So, I am not sure what his deal is on that.

So, let's talk about the two week thing.

Has that ever really worked out for anyone? The two week notice has always been painful to me - both for the quitor and the quitee. I have never seen someone finish a project or give meaningful training. It is usually just awkward shit work. I have noticed that very few people are giving two weeks right now - it seems to be more like a week where I am or often partial week - quit on Tuesday, last day Friday kind of thing.

What I really want to do is send an email at midnight on Sunday saying I am not coming back. I am not good at goodbyes, and my GM is a very sentimental guy who can sometimes go over the top to "honor" people. Either, he will do that and I will hate it, or he won't and my feelings will be hurt that he did not care enough to do it. (Because I am inconsistent that way 😝). I think there are two people that would have a few bumps if I left suddenly- one of them, two weeks won't make a difference - she won't feel ready until my position is filled. The other has plenty of resources, he just likes me best. 😁

Complication - I am supposed to travel next week. If I am quitting, I don't want to go on that trip for many reasons, but mostly because I don't want to go. I think I could still work next week and not go if I do decide to give him a few days notice.

during notice you're just suppose to organize projects for handoff - not finish them, notate processes/procedure if you don't already have everything SOPed, not train the replacement.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Aug 18, 2022 13:25:03 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Aug 18, 2022 12:39:02 GMT -5 finnime said:

IMHO the only reasons to give 2 weeks notice is for good will, which doesn't apply here, and for terminal benefits, which might apply. In some companies you must give 2 weeks heads up for those benefits, such as earned vacation hours being paid out and in your case, Labor Day is in the mix, too. Plus healthcare insurance--do you carry the benefits? Oh, would your former boss possibly make a good reference for you?

My hubs carries out health insurance.
I think they have to payout vacation, and I am prepared to have no income right away, so losing a holiday pay is a wash.

I don't know if my former boss would or not. I could call him after I leave. A couple coworkers might give me a reference. And, there are a couple people who left the company that would vouch for me. My best reference had a stroke. Another good reference went off the grid. And I lost track of a couple others. My reference pool is pretty sad. Maybe I will pay someone to lie and say I worked for them. I think references are stupid.

unfortunately - this is one good reason to give 2 weeks notice. If you don't give notice they might list you as not eligible for rehire, which could go against you for a new job, particularly if you are light on boss references.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Aug 18, 2022 15:55:25 GMT -5 azucena said:

Aug 18, 2022 14:38:49 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

In Canada we can take stress leave with a note from our doctor. You can collect Employment Insurace Benfits for 3 months. If you choose not to go back the company has to pay out. It also sets you up for quitting with cause. Is that an option?

Yet another reason to move to Canada.

if only it wasn't so far.....north.....

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Aug 18, 2022 16:35:27 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

thyme4change , IIRC you’ve been unhappy at this job for a while now. I seem to remember a thread or a post where you said something about crying a lot because of your job.

One of the things I’ve been wrestling with in my latest midlife crisis, is that I don’t believe I was put on this earth to endure. I don’t believe I was put here to be miserable or to spend most of my time doing something I strongly dislike (my job). I don’t believe you were put on this earth to do those things either.

Still, I haven’t left my job and found another, so at this point I probably won’t. Since I’m clearly not going to leave my job, I’ve had to change my perspective about it and just see it as a means to an end….. money in my bank accounts and in my pockets.

Your situation is not like mine. You’ve been more responsible and a lot smarter with your choices, than I’ve been as an adult. And you’ve built a life with a partner, so you aren’t just out here in this world all alone. From what I’ve read, and ASSume about your life, you won’t lose anything if it takes you a few months or even longer to find another job.

Life is too short to be as stressed about a job as you seem to be, especially if you can do something about it without having to wonder how you’re going to eat and keep a roof over your head. If I were you and pretty confident I could get another decent or better job, I’d be outta there so fast, heads would spin. 

But I’m not the best YM’er either, so you prolly don’t want to listen to me lol.

Whatever you do, I hope you find your way to much less stress about a job.

lots of good points here. I'm feeling like I was put on this earth to endure.....where does that leave me??

I think Thyme has been trying the reframe, just for the money for a while now. Sometimes that doesn't work. Or it doesn't work long-term.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Aug 19, 2022 9:12:48 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I have a vacation day today. I think my husband has convinced me to call boss today and tell him that I can wrap things up next week - maybe 2 or 3 days. A compromise between the traditional 2 weeks and an "f-you" email and then not answering any phone calls.

Now I just have to summon the courage.

bold choice! 

I'm so late to the thread...but now the plot is thickening, lol!

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Aug 19, 2022 12:23:35 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Aug 19, 2022 9:23:49 GMT -5 swamp said:

You can do eet!!!!  

Done!

My boss asked why. Dude - you just gave me a shitty review, with a threat of firing me. Go ahead and guess why. He also asked if I had another job lined up.

He said he would need me "at least" all of next week. He may be surprised to find that is the max I plan on doing. Although, I may chicken out and take another week of salary. Maybe the elation of short timing will make it bearable.

Now I have to call my GM.

crap! you did it!! OMG!! 


Congrats!!!

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Aug 19, 2022 13:06:15 GMT -5 imawino said:

Aug 19, 2022 12:23:35 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Done!

My boss asked why. Dude - you just gave me a shitty review, with a threat of firing me. Go ahead and guess why. He also asked if I had another job lined up.

He said he would need me "at least" all of next week. He may be surprised to find that is the max I plan on doing. Although, I may chicken out and take another week of salary. Maybe the elation of short timing will make it bearable.

Now I have to call my GM.

Amazing!!  How do you feel?  Elated? Relieved? Panicked?  Overjoyed? Like laughing? Like dancing? Like crying?  All of the above?!

color me....


jealous!!

[Rukh O'Rorke]

well - now I come to my tale, but too late I see

I did quit a job without anything lined up. 9-11 happened before I got another one and no one was hiring at all, for anything, for a while. And I was on my own with 2 kids. no child support et. al.

But I eventually got another job anyway, even before I bottomed out financially - but it was pretty close actually......and it was all fine in the end. Started me on a path to a new field/career, which I am still in.


So happy for you Thyme!

Celebrate your bold move!!! 


Take some time to decompress, enjoy yourself, and start looking when you are refreshed. I think you've been saving diligently like a good YMer? Maybe you won't ever need to go back? Or go back FT?

Play it by ear and see where it takes you, so excited for you!!

[laterbloomer]

Aug 20, 2022 7:07:37 GMT -5 Rukh O'Rorke said:

Aug 18, 2022 15:55:25 GMT -5 azucena said:

Yet another reason to move to Canada.

if only it wasn't so far.....north.....

😅 I hear you@

[TheOtherMe]

Toronto's weather is milder in winter than my Midwestern weather.

[thyme4change]

I caved and told my boss I would stay until sept 1. He wanted for me to stay for an "extended period of time". That ain't happening.

I think my shitty (unscheduled, random timing) review was documentation to fire me after budgeting season. I hate budgeting season. It is so much painful work, and me quitting now gets me out of the next 6 weeks of budgeting season. He was asking me to stay....for budgeting season. My husband said I should have asked for a ridiculous amount of money to stay - but no.

I do feel bad for my employee. She is such a great person, but she said she wasn't sure she wanted to stay there without me. But, she would "feel so bad" for quitting at the same time I did. I wanted to say "that sounds like the boss's problem" but kept silent. I hope she is okay.



But now....does anyone know how to relax?

[jerseygirl]

Hooray for no budgeting! When I decided to only do consulting one of the biggest benefits was no budgeting

[raeoflyte]

I put together a patio pond with plants and fish and somehow I will just sit by that for ages without feeling like I'm being lazy or wasting time. Nothing else gets me to hold still like that does. Pretty cheap and easy too if you go small.

But I think it takes time to recover from burnout. Even resting doesn't always feel restful when you're wired to go, go, go.

[laterbloomer]

Aug 23, 2022 9:01:42 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I put together a patio pond with plants and fish and somehow I will just sit by that for ages without feeling like I'm being lazy or wasting time. Nothing else gets me to hold still like that does. Pretty cheap and easy too if you go small.

But I think it takes time to recover from burnout. Even resting doesn't always feel restful when you're wired to go, go, go.

It took me a good year to recoup from a toxic workplace. I knew I was stressed but didn't appreciate just how stressed I was. I got my next job 6 months in and I think being in a non toxic workplace helped with my recovery.

[Cookies Galore]

Aug 23, 2022 8:18:41 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I caved and told my boss I would stay until sept 1. He wanted for me to stay for an "extended period of time". That ain't happening.

I think my shitty (unscheduled, random timing) review was documentation to fire me after budgeting season. I hate budgeting season. It is so much painful work, and me quitting now gets me out of the next 6 weeks of budgeting season. He was asking me to stay....for budgeting season. My husband said I should have asked for a ridiculous amount of money to stay - but no.

I do feel bad for my employee. She is such a great person, but she said she wasn't sure she wanted to stay there without me. But, she would "feel so bad" for quitting at the same time I did. I wanted to say "that sounds like the boss's problem" but kept silent. I hope she is okay.



But now....does anyone know how to relax?

Weed.

Also, September 1 is my birthday! So give yourself the gift of no more BS.

[swamp]

Aug 23, 2022 8:18:41 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I caved and told my boss I would stay until sept 1. He wanted for me to stay for an "extended period of time". That ain't happening.

I think my shitty (unscheduled, random timing) review was documentation to fire me after budgeting season. I hate budgeting season. It is so much painful work, and me quitting now gets me out of the next 6 weeks of budgeting season. He was asking me to stay....for budgeting season. My husband said I should have asked for a ridiculous amount of money to stay - but no.

I do feel bad for my employee. She is such a great person, but she said she wasn't sure she wanted to stay there without me. But, she would "feel so bad" for quitting at the same time I did. I wanted to say "that sounds like the boss's problem" but kept silent. I hope she is okay.



But now....does anyone know how to relax?

weed. 

[swamp]

Aug 23, 2022 8:18:41 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I caved and told my boss I would stay until sept 1. He wanted for me to stay for an "extended period of time". That ain't happening.

I think my shitty (unscheduled, random timing) review was documentation to fire me after budgeting season. I hate budgeting season. It is so much painful work, and me quitting now gets me out of the next 6 weeks of budgeting season. He was asking me to stay....for budgeting season. My husband said I should have asked for a ridiculous amount of money to stay - but no.

I do feel bad for my employee. She is such a great person, but she said she wasn't sure she wanted to stay there without me. But, she would "feel so bad" for quitting at the same time I did. I wanted to say "that sounds like the boss's problem" but kept silent. I hope she is okay.



But now....does anyone know how to relax?

So you're good enough to keep around for the crap work of budget season, but the don't want to keep you these. 

There can go fuck themselves. 

[dannylion]

You can take advantage of your good nature in agreeing to stay until September 1st by using the time to begin your relaxation practice.  Remember, they were planning to use your expertise for budget season, and then they planned to throw you away.  Do what needs to be done during the time that you are there, but do no more than is required.  Delegate, delegate, delegate.  Answer questions and offer suggestions or even instructions on how something can be done, but do not offer to do it yourself.  At the end of the normal workday, go home.  Have lunch away from your desk every day.  Begin the decompression and relaxation process now so that when you are finally free, you will be able to enjoy your freedom.  

 

[giramomma]

Aug 23, 2022 8:18:41 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

But now....does anyone know how to relax?

I'm happy watching movies to unwind. And doing some hobbies.

There's always sex.

[dannylion]

Do you have a dog?  Playing fetch with a dog or petting a dog or walking a dog or just sitting quietly with a dog in the room is good for one's mental health.  Dogs are good.  

[Opti]

Aug 23, 2022 11:53:15 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Aug 23, 2022 9:01:42 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I put together a patio pond with plants and fish and somehow I will just sit by that for ages without feeling like I'm being lazy or wasting time. Nothing else gets me to hold still like that does. Pretty cheap and easy too if you go small.

But I think it takes time to recover from burnout. Even resting doesn't always feel restful when you're wired to go, go, go.

It took me a good year to recoup from a toxic workplace. I knew I was stressed but didn't appreciate just how stressed I was. I got my next job 6 months in and I think being in a non toxic workplace helped with my recovery.

I still raise my shoulders in stress and clench facial muscles. It's been a year, but less than six months at the current job. I'm usually stressed the first one to three months of any new job until I feel I am getting it. I spend a fair amount of time noticing my clenched upraised shoulders and consciously relaxing them to normal height.

I have more than a year and a half of major stress to let go so I won't be surprised if it takes me to 2023 or beyond to get back to where I should have been.

[wvugurl26]

Yeah don't stay for budget season. Don't stay for that crap.

I was let go from my public accounting job in July. So yeah I was good enough for tax season but not good enough for your seniors to actually properly train. Sorry I didn't have an internship and come pre trained which you knew when you hired me.

[TheOtherMe]

Any size of accounting firm does that to employees during tax season.  It stinks.  They do it in rural Iowa and they did it in Boulder Colorado

[laterbloomer]

Aug 23, 2022 19:36:36 GMT -5 dannylion said:

You can take advantage of your good nature in agreeing to stay until September 1st by using the time to begin your relaxation practice.  Remember, they were planning to use your expertise for budget season, and then they planned to throw you away.  Do what needs to be done during the time that you are there, but do no more than is required.  Delegate, delegate, delegate.  Answer questions and offer suggestions or even instructions on how something can be done, but do not offer to do it yourself.  At the end of the normal workday, go home.  Have lunch away from your desk every day.  Begin the decompression and relaxation process now so that when you are finally free, you will be able to enjoy your freedom.  

 

This a thousand times over.

[Artemis Windsong]

The back reason of playing golf, tennis and pickleball, racquet ball, is to hit something hard and get the aggression out.

I would paint pictures during the winter weekends to decompress.

Yes, I left quickly from a job I had trained 3 people that were hired to take my place but they left before taking over.  I went back to college since the training provide in the classes offered in banking were not good enough.  Then, I couldn't find a job.  Politics spilled out of the workplace into me getting hired.

Eventually I got some part time work then moved into full time.  I was doing a good job but I had a supervisor that was undermining me.  She intentionally gave me influenza where I was flat on my back for 2 weeks.  I was left in the office alone and not told where everyone went to another floor to avoid a malodorous problem. 

While mourning my Dad's passing I went to work for the most wrong place for me.  Part time.  I was told to apply for full time or I was out of a job.  I was out.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Aug 23, 2022 8:18:41 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I caved and told my boss I would stay until sept 1. He wanted for me to stay for an "extended period of time". That ain't happening.

I think my shitty (unscheduled, random timing) review was documentation to fire me after budgeting season. I hate budgeting season. It is so much painful work, and me quitting now gets me out of the next 6 weeks of budgeting season. He was asking me to stay....for budgeting season. My husband said I should have asked for a ridiculous amount of money to stay - but no.

I do feel bad for my employee. She is such a great person, but she said she wasn't sure she wanted to stay there without me. But, she would "feel so bad" for quitting at the same time I did. I wanted to say "that sounds like the boss's problem" but kept silent. I hope she is okay.



But now....does anyone know how to relax?

no I do not. when you figure it out, let me know.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Aug 23, 2022 8:18:41 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I caved and told my boss I would stay until sept 1. He wanted for me to stay for an "extended period of time". That ain't happening.

I think my shitty (unscheduled, random timing) review was documentation to fire me after budgeting season. I hate budgeting season. It is so much painful work, and me quitting now gets me out of the next 6 weeks of budgeting season. He was asking me to stay....for budgeting season. My husband said I should have asked for a ridiculous amount of money to stay - but no.

I do feel bad for my employee. She is such a great person, but she said she wasn't sure she wanted to stay there without me. But, she would "feel so bad" for quitting at the same time I did. I wanted to say "that sounds like the boss's problem" but kept silent. I hope she is okay.



But now....does anyone know how to relax?

ok - for starters, start dialing back the effort, stat! You are done, and i expect you to act like it. 

[ners]

I put in my notice yesterday. 

I told them my last day is September 7.

I have a new position that will start on September 12.  

I really wanted to just walk out.   Just could not do that.  (My new position frowns on people who do not give notice).