I am more than my job

[thyme4change]

I am so miserable. My boss gave me "the talk" about how I am not performing well. I disagree with him on how things should be done. He doesn't bend. He didn't like the way I organized my files on the common drive, so when I was out of the office he rearranged them all (also renaming files). When I suggested that there was a flaw in his sysyem that caused a lot of double work and the fix was pretty easy, he didn't want to hear it. Whatever, but that was a clear example of the hundreds of things I have lost agency over.

I am thinking about just walking out. I can't get another job right now because I am so bitter and burned out. That would come through in any interview. I wouldn't ever ask him for a recommendation, and I have 10 years tops left in my job. He doesn't live in my state, so the chances that he would be at another job or know someone who would give me a job is very low.

Anyone ever throw all the torches and burn the whole thing to the ground as leaving a job?

[swamp]

I didn’t but my husband did. 

[thyme4change]

Aug 17, 2022 21:23:02 GMT -5 swamp said:

I didn’t but my husband did. 

Do tell....👂👂👂

[swamp]

He got tired of the politics and the favored status of a select person so tossed a Molotov cocktail and left. 

It was February 2020 so he had some very lucrative job opportunities as a result of the pandemic. He’s done some temp work and is now doing per diem work.  He makes a lot less than he did before but we’re fine. 

Hes also taken over cooking duties so it’s worked out. 

[billisonboard]

I had an initial seven month contract to play Naval Reserve recruiter. Nearing the end of it they told me they would renew me for a year. I told them no thank you. Then the recruiter at a nearby town's Reserve center had a brain aneurysm explode, killing him. His boss started putting a great deal of pressure on me to stay on at his center. The final conversation had him telling me I was thinking too much, that I should go with my gut. I told him actually I couldn't think of a single reason not to take the job, that it was my gut telling me not to take it. He just hung up at that point. 

[azucena]

Renaming your files?! Of all the passive aggressive shots. I forget if you've had this boss and job long but man that sucks. I'd be tempted to give my two weeks and coast thru them.

[gs11rmb]

Am I correct in thinking you're in finance?  If so, I'd probably quit, take a few weeks off and then look for something less toxic.  Not that my workplace is toxic but our Director of Finance resigned a couple of weeks ago and is planning to take a break.  The job market is apparently red hot and we're struggling to find a replacement.

From your posts it sounds as if you and your husband are in a decent financial position and losing one income for a few weeks or months wouldn't be catastrophic.  I understand working at a job you hate when bills need to be paid with your salary but if that's not the case then I'd opt out of being miserable.  You'll find another job.

[finnime]

I understand completely and life is far, far too short to be miserable at your job. Go. You will find another position.

[raeoflyte]

I havent typically been in a position to walk away without something else lined up, but I'd do it if I was. Life is too short.

Theres the argument to start job searching, and disconnect from your current job, but if you're OK with a 6-12 month loss of income I would probably just put in notice instead. It's exhausting trying to job hunt when your tied in knots about your current one. Brand it as a mini- retirement.

I agree entirely with your title.

[giramomma]

I wouldn't just walk out. I'm a rule follower.  I also just can't walk out with bringing in 75% of the income and having young kids.

You are more than your job. Everyone is. I work two jobs and I still feel I am more than work, because of what else I do outside of my job.

In your situation, I would give two weeks notice and start looking around for something else.

[wvugurl26]

And this is why I hate multiple people having their hands in common files. If I remember correctly you've been less than thrilled for some time. Give your notice and leave.

My aunt was part of a big merger. She was in a HR role that she'd know when she was being laid off. She busted ass for a year to pay down her mortgage to her severance amount. She made it two years under the new company and was finally laid off. She was fried. She took her time finding a new job. She took trips with her daughters and generally decompressed.

[chiver78]

Aug 18, 2022 7:23:44 GMT -5 azucena said:

Renaming your files?! Of all the passive aggressive shots. I forget if you've had this boss and job long but man that sucks. I'd be tempted to give my two weeks and coast thru them.

 why should he care how you organize your files, if you know where everything is? 

[laterbloomer]

Aug 18, 2022 7:44:45 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Aug 18, 2022 7:23:44 GMT -5 azucena said:

Renaming your files?! Of all the passive aggressive shots. I forget if you've had this boss and job long but man that sucks. I'd be tempted to give my two weeks and coast thru them.

 why should he care how you organize your files, if you know where everything is? 

Because they are shared and his system makes sense to him so he finds stuff faster. She says he doesn't work from her office so I'm guessing he oversees more than one company so he likes them all to use the same systems.
She is working for someone she doesn't respect. Time to get out.

[chiver78]

Aug 18, 2022 8:03:40 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Aug 18, 2022 7:44:45 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

 why should he care how you organize your files, if you know where everything is? 

Because they are shared and his system makes sense to him so he finds stuff faster. She says he doesn't work from her office so I'm guessing he oversees more than one company so he likes them all to use the same systems.
She is working for someone she doesn't respect. Time to get out.

common drive, but her files per the OP. either way, if it's stuff he doesn't normally deal with, he's just being a pain in the ass. 

but yes to the bold. time to go. 

[billisonboard]

Aug 18, 2022 8:03:40 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Aug 18, 2022 7:44:45 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

 why should he care how you organize your files, if you know where everything is? 

Because they are shared and his system makes sense to him so he finds stuff faster. She says he doesn't work from her office so I'm guessing he oversees more than one company so he likes them all to use the same systems.
She is working for someone she doesn't respect. Time to get out.

Back in ancient times before computers, I know the Navy had one numerical system for files. 1000 series was Personnel, 1100 Enlisted, 1200 Officers, etc. A person could be transferred to any ship or station in the world and could use that system from day one. It was something those of us who had that type of job was tested on. I remember 45 years later, "People come first so they are 1000, six is like sex - sex = bodies - 6000 is Medical." I would assume the Navy has similar expectations for computerized systems today.

Agree it would be best to move on.

[thyme4change]

billisonboard - that would be fine. But I am actually over 2 units, and he organized each one differently. So, I am not sure what his deal is on that.

So, let's talk about the two week thing.

Has that ever really worked out for anyone? The two week notice has always been painful to me - both for the quitor and the quitee. I have never seen someone finish a project or give meaningful training. It is usually just awkward shit work. I have noticed that very few people are giving two weeks right now - it seems to be more like a week where I am or often partial week - quit on Tuesday, last day Friday kind of thing.

What I really want to do is send an email at midnight on Sunday saying I am not coming back. I am not good at goodbyes, and my GM is a very sentimental guy who can sometimes go over the top to "honor" people. Either, he will do that and I will hate it, or he won't and my feelings will be hurt that he did not care enough to do it. (Because I am inconsistent that way 😝). I think there are two people that would have a few bumps if I left suddenly- one of them, two weeks won't make a difference - she won't feel ready until my position is filled. The other has plenty of resources, he just likes me best. 😁

Complication - I am supposed to travel next week. If I am quitting, I don't want to go on that trip for many reasons, but mostly because I don't want to go. I think I could still work next week and not go if I do decide to give him a few days notice.

[TheOtherMe]

Isn't this a fairly new job?

I couldn't work for someone like that.

If you can afford it, get out.  The sooner the better.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I've never been in a position to quit without something lined up first.

But as soon as I got the offer I walked out of the histology department and down to HR. I put my badge on the desk and said I fucking quit.

They said I had to tell my manager. I said fine I'll email him I still quit take my badge.

I almost had a cigarette after sending that email.

Wish I had done what I originally wanted and covered the one bitchs slide box completely with sticky notes saying 1st out and a final one saying is that clear enough for you?

She'd call and scream if sticky notes weren't perfectly aligned in the left bottom corner with a certain amount sticking

[thyme4change]

Aug 18, 2022 9:29:46 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Isn't this a fairly new job?

I couldn't work for someone like that.

If you can afford it, get out.  The sooner the better.

I have been with the company for almost 20 years. I took a promotion 3 years ago, and it has been a disaster every step of the way. About 1.5 years ago, they took me away from my old boss and put me under this guy. The situation has not improved...

[TheOtherMe]

I'm thinking of someone else who just changed jobs.

It still sounds like it's time to get out.  I'm sorry it's gotten this bad.

[jerseygirl]

I get naming files consistently as it’s a help when working with a team, even more so with an international team. Also individual documents when making changes to update versions consistently

BUT , this should be a team or company wide effort and clearly defined with timelines. Not a supervisor going into an individual computer . Awful work environment

[finnime]

IMHO the only reasons to give 2 weeks notice is for good will, which doesn't apply here, and for terminal benefits, which might apply. In some companies you must give 2 weeks heads up for those benefits, such as earned vacation hours being paid out and in your case, Labor Day is in the mix, too. Plus healthcare insurance--do you carry the benefits? Oh, would your former boss possibly make a good reference for you?

[thyme4change]

Aug 18, 2022 12:39:02 GMT -5 finnime said:

IMHO the only reasons to give 2 weeks notice is for good will, which doesn't apply here, and for terminal benefits, which might apply. In some companies you must give 2 weeks heads up for those benefits, such as earned vacation hours being paid out and in your case, Labor Day is in the mix, too. Plus healthcare insurance--do you carry the benefits? Oh, would your former boss possibly make a good reference for you?

My hubs carries out health insurance.
I think they have to payout vacation, and I am prepared to have no income right away, so losing a holiday pay is a wash.

I don't know if my former boss would or not. I could call him after I leave. A couple coworkers might give me a reference. And, there are a couple people who left the company that would vouch for me. My best reference had a stroke. Another good reference went off the grid. And I lost track of a couple others. My reference pool is pretty sad. Maybe I will pay someone to lie and say I worked for them. I think references are stupid.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I run into issues when they want multiple bosses. Most of mine are retired now.

And being in academics my coworkers rotated a lot and still do. Keeping track of people I haven't worked with in years is hard.

I have someone I worked with who is in-between. Technically his grant paid me but he wasn't my supervisor.

So I use him interchangeably and give him heads up.

I should have taken the reference requirements for the hospital as a sign.

3 supervisors I've had five years or longer, three coworkers the same and two personal ones.

I worked in academics I've only had one job last five years.

[chiver78]

Aug 18, 2022 13:25:03 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Aug 18, 2022 12:39:02 GMT -5 finnime said:

IMHO the only reasons to give 2 weeks notice is for good will, which doesn't apply here, and for terminal benefits, which might apply. In some companies you must give 2 weeks heads up for those benefits, such as earned vacation hours being paid out and in your case, Labor Day is in the mix, too. Plus healthcare insurance--do you carry the benefits? Oh, would your former boss possibly make a good reference for you?

My hubs carries out health insurance.
I think they have to payout vacation, and I am prepared to have no income right away, so losing a holiday pay is a wash.

I don't know if my former boss would or not. I could call him after I leave. A couple coworkers might give me a reference. And, there are a couple people who left the company that would vouch for me. My best reference had a stroke. Another good reference went off the grid. And I lost track of a couple others. My reference pool is pretty sad. Maybe I will pay someone to lie and say I worked for them. I think references are stupid.

do you do any volunteer work anywhere? you could ask someone in that organization to be a reference for you as well. it's obviously not a professional reference, but a personal one to vouch for your character. my current employer actually listed that they needed however many professional references, but that personal ones were welcome as well. I've got one of the local Make-a-Wish chapter higher-ups as a personal reference now. 

[ArchietheDragon]

Aug 17, 2022 21:21:23 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

You can probably become a YMAM moderator.  I will put a good word with Moon for you. 

[thyme4change]

Aug 18, 2022 13:49:25 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Aug 18, 2022 13:25:03 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

My hubs carries out health insurance.
I think they have to payout vacation, and I am prepared to have no income right away, so losing a holiday pay is a wash.

I don't know if my former boss would or not. I could call him after I leave. A couple coworkers might give me a reference. And, there are a couple people who left the company that would vouch for me. My best reference had a stroke. Another good reference went off the grid. And I lost track of a couple others. My reference pool is pretty sad. Maybe I will pay someone to lie and say I worked for them. I think references are stupid.

do you do any volunteer work anywhere? you could ask someone in that organization to be a reference for you as well. it's obviously not a professional reference, but a personal one to vouch for your character. my current employer actually listed that they needed however many professional references, but that personal ones were welcome as well. I've got one of the local Make-a-Wish chapter higher-ups as a personal reference now. 

No volunteer work - I have done nothing but work for a while.

[thyme4change]

Aug 18, 2022 14:07:28 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Aug 17, 2022 21:21:23 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

You can probably become a YMAM moderator.  I will put a good word with Moon for you. 

Lol

[giramomma]

Aug 18, 2022 9:17:26 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

So, let's talk about the two week thing.

Has that ever really worked out for anyone? The two week notice has always been painful to me - both for the quitor and the quitee. I have never seen someone finish a project or give meaningful training. It is usually just awkward shit work. I have noticed that very few people are giving two weeks right now - it seems to be more like a week where I am or often partial week - quit on Tuesday, last day Friday kind of thing.

Folks in my office give two weeks notice. But, my office is very old school, still. No one ever finishes projects.. Mostly the two weeks are spent documenting work, and just sort of making lists for other people to pick up the slack.

And hiring takes forever. On my team, we had made two hires. One person gave us notice in November of 21 that they were quitting. We replaced the position in April of 22.

We also hired to backfill my supervisors position. That position went up in July of 21, and then were hired in August, Started September. Hire 1 was smart enough to read between the lines and figure out my workplace is a shitstorm, smart enough to blame it on me so they got a good recommendation from my supervisor. They left in November. Hire 2 started April of 22. So, essentially, it took what 8-9 months to fill that position.

So, training is not an issue.

[giramomma]

Do you even need references?

The last job I applied for, they never asked for references as part of the application process.

I'd say it's about 50/50.