I am more than my job

[imawino]

Aug 18, 2022 9:17:26 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

billisonboard - that would be fine. But I am actually over 2 units, and he organized each one differently. So, I am not sure what his deal is on that.

So, let's talk about the two week thing.

Has that ever really worked out for anyone? The two week notice has always been painful to me - both for the quitor and the quitee. I have never seen someone finish a project or give meaningful training. It is usually just awkward shit work. I have noticed that very few people are giving two weeks right now - it seems to be more like a week where I am or often partial week - quit on Tuesday, last day Friday kind of thing.

What I really want to do is send an email at midnight on Sunday saying I am not coming back. I am not good at goodbyes, and my GM is a very sentimental guy who can sometimes go over the top to "honor" people. Either, he will do that and I will hate it, or he won't and my feelings will be hurt that he did not care enough to do it. (Because I am inconsistent that way 😝). I think there are two people that would have a few bumps if I left suddenly- one of them, two weeks won't make a difference - she won't feel ready until my position is filled. The other has plenty of resources, he just likes me best. 😁

Complication - I am supposed to travel next week. If I am quitting, I don't want to go on that trip for many reasons, but mostly because I don't want to go. I think I could still work next week and not go if I do decide to give him a few days notice.

I had to laugh at this because I feel the same way.  If I quit I would want to leave quietly and not have to talk to people about it - and also have a huge fuss made about how it would be so hard without me.  

Anyway, I say do it.  I am not a reckless person, when it comes to finances, but I don't believe this would be a particularly reckless decision for you.  My understanding of your situation is that you and your husband have been a 2 high-earner household with extremely reasonable overhead and high savings rates for years, and that you have a supportive spouse who would not flip out about this decision, and who is not at this moment miserable and considering quitting his job.  You might save a little less for a while....or even permanently.  After you've had a nice break you can get a new job, or not and decide to coast into an early retirement.  In any case, I don't see a ruined future for you.

[laterbloomer]

Aug 18, 2022 9:17:26 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

billisonboard - that would be fine. But I am actually over 2 units, and he organized each one differently. So, I am not sure what his deal is on that.

So, let's talk about the two week thing.

Has that ever really worked out for anyone? The two week notice has always been painful to me - both for the quitor and the quitee. I have never seen someone finish a project or give meaningful training. It is usually just awkward shit work. I have noticed that very few people are giving two weeks right now - it seems to be more like a week where I am or often partial week - quit on Tuesday, last day Friday kind of thing.

What I really want to do is send an email at midnight on Sunday saying I am not coming back. I am not good at goodbyes, and my GM is a very sentimental guy who can sometimes go over the top to "honor" people. Either, he will do that and I will hate it, or he won't and my feelings will be hurt that he did not care enough to do it. (Because I am inconsistent that way 😝). I think there are two people that would have a few bumps if I left suddenly- one of them, two weeks won't make a difference - she won't feel ready until my position is filled. The other has plenty of resources, he just likes me best. 😁

Complication - I am supposed to travel next week. If I am quitting, I don't want to go on that trip for many reasons, but mostly because I don't want to go. I think I could still work next week and not go if I do decide to give him a few days notice.

In Canada we can take stress leave with a note from our doctor. You can collect Employment Insurace Benfits for 3 months. If you choose not to go back the company has to pay out. It also sets you up for quitting with cause. Is that an option?

[jerseygirl]

In Europe my colleagues had difficulties with the ‘stress leaves’. Often these were taken by poor workers, the ones they also had difficulties firing.
These poor workers knew how to take advantage of the laws and did.

[laterbloomer]

Aug 18, 2022 14:56:22 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

In Europe my colleagues had difficulties with the ‘stress leaves’. Often these were taken by poor workers, the ones they also had difficulties firing.
These poor workers knew how to take advantage of the laws and did.

And then there are those that are stressed from being mistreated at work and we are a civilised enough society to have laws to protect them. I don't belong to the school that says the company is always right or we should all just be grateful to be employed and put up with anything they want to dish out.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Aug 18, 2022 14:56:22 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

In Europe my colleagues had difficulties with the ‘stress leaves’. Often these were taken by poor workers, the ones they also had difficulties firing.
These poor workers knew how to take advantage of the laws and did.

OMG.  I've been watching too many training videos today.  I read "stress leaves" and thought you were making some kind of marijuana reference. 

[jerseygirl]

Aug 18, 2022 15:18:15 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Aug 18, 2022 14:56:22 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

In Europe my colleagues had difficulties with the ‘stress leaves’. Often these were taken by poor workers, the ones they also had difficulties firing.
These poor workers knew how to take advantage of the laws and did.

And then there are those that are stressed from being mistreated at work and we are a civilised enough society to have laws to protect them. I don't belong to the school that says the company is always right or we should all just be grateful to be employed and put up with anything they want to dish out.

In principle that’s nice but when a team needs to continue to work with one of these non productive people it causes big problems. Very corrosive atmosphere when hard working competent people are forced to deal with them. These weren’t mistreated and most had at least a scientific bachelors up to MD or PhD degree. And wasn’t a single episode but a pattern and they didn’t have visible problems in their personal lives

[laterbloomer]

Aug 18, 2022 15:42:51 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Aug 18, 2022 15:18:15 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

And then there are those that are stressed from being mistreated at work and we are a civilised enough society to have laws to protect them. I don't belong to the school that says the company is always right or we should all just be grateful to be employed and put up with anything they want to dish out.

In principle that’s nice but when a team needs to continue to work with one of these non productive people it causes big problems. Very corrosive atmosphere when hard working competent people are forced to deal with them. These weren’t mistreated and most had at least a scientific bachelors up to MD or PhD degree. And wasn’t a single episode but a pattern and they didn’t have visible problems in their personal lives

That wouldn't be the case with Thyme.

I'm suspicious of the characterization of the workers as non productive. Too often I've seen nice descriptors be used for employees that allowed themselves to be bullied and abused and those that insisted on being treated humanely are described as trouble makers and lazy.

[thyme4change]

Aug 18, 2022 15:42:51 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Aug 18, 2022 15:18:15 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

And then there are those that are stressed from being mistreated at work and we are a civilised enough society to have laws to protect them. I don't belong to the school that says the company is always right or we should all just be grateful to be employed and put up with anything they want to dish out.

In principle that’s nice but when a team needs to continue to work with one of these non productive people it causes big problems. Very corrosive atmosphere when hard working competent people are forced to deal with them. These weren’t mistreated and most had at least a scientific bachelors up to MD or PhD degree. And wasn’t a single episode but a pattern and they didn’t have visible problems in their personal lives

I understand that it is difficult when you have a person MIA, but, everyone seems to survive when people have medical leave, quit or die.

One of my units has had 4 empty positions for 18 months. There are 7 positions total, so that is a lot of work gathering dust. Meanwhile, the unit is still humming along and profitable.

[azucena]

Aug 18, 2022 14:38:49 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Aug 18, 2022 9:17:26 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

billisonboard - that would be fine. But I am actually over 2 units, and he organized each one differently. So, I am not sure what his deal is on that.

So, let's talk about the two week thing.

Has that ever really worked out for anyone? The two week notice has always been painful to me - both for the quitor and the quitee. I have never seen someone finish a project or give meaningful training. It is usually just awkward shit work. I have noticed that very few people are giving two weeks right now - it seems to be more like a week where I am or often partial week - quit on Tuesday, last day Friday kind of thing.

What I really want to do is send an email at midnight on Sunday saying I am not coming back. I am not good at goodbyes, and my GM is a very sentimental guy who can sometimes go over the top to "honor" people. Either, he will do that and I will hate it, or he won't and my feelings will be hurt that he did not care enough to do it. (Because I am inconsistent that way 😝). I think there are two people that would have a few bumps if I left suddenly- one of them, two weeks won't make a difference - she won't feel ready until my position is filled. The other has plenty of resources, he just likes me best. 😁

Complication - I am supposed to travel next week. If I am quitting, I don't want to go on that trip for many reasons, but mostly because I don't want to go. I think I could still work next week and not go if I do decide to give him a few days notice.

In Canada we can take stress leave with a note from our doctor. You can collect Employment Insurace Benfits for 3 months. If you choose not to go back the company has to pay out. It also sets you up for quitting with cause. Is that an option?

Yet another reason to move to Canada.

[saveinla]

Aug 18, 2022 15:42:51 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Aug 18, 2022 15:18:15 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

And then there are those that are stressed from being mistreated at work and we are a civilised enough society to have laws to protect them. I don't belong to the school that says the company is always right or we should all just be grateful to be employed and put up with anything they want to dish out.

In principle that’s nice but when a team needs to continue to work with one of these non productive people it causes big problems. Very corrosive atmosphere when hard working competent people are forced to deal with them. These weren’t mistreated and most had at least a scientific bachelors up to MD or PhD degree. And wasn’t a single episode but a pattern and they didn’t have visible problems in their personal lives

How do you know what is happening in their lives outside of work or even at work - too many assumptions here. It also moves the conversation completely away from the thread and is not helpful at all. Just because it happened once does not mean its happening with thyme.

[jerseygirl]

Aug 18, 2022 15:56:32 GMT -5 saveinla said:

Aug 18, 2022 15:42:51 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

In principle that’s nice but when a team needs to continue to work with one of these non productive people it causes big problems. Very corrosive atmosphere when hard working competent people are forced to deal with them. These weren’t mistreated and most had at least a scientific bachelors up to MD or PhD degree. And wasn’t a single episode but a pattern and they didn’t have visible problems in their personal lives

How do you know what is happening in their lives outside of work or even at work - too many assumptions here. It also moves the conversation completely away from the thread and is not helpful at all. Just because it happened once does not mean its happening with thyme.

Of course not talking about thyme!
But stress leave was brought up here and I responded
How did they know about personal lives? Many times they were / had been friends

And situations I discussed are not the same as people leaving a job and not being replaced. The problem is the ‘corrosive’ atmosphere has on other people in the team when they see non productive people still there

[Deleted]

thyme4change , IIRC you’ve been unhappy at this job for a while now. I seem to remember a thread or a post where you said something about crying a lot because of your job.

One of the things I’ve been wrestling with in my latest midlife crisis, is that I don’t believe I was put on this earth to endure. I don’t believe I was put here to be miserable or to spend most of my time doing something I strongly dislike (my job). I don’t believe you were put on this earth to do those things either.

Still, I haven’t left my job and found another, so at this point I probably won’t. Since I’m clearly not going to leave my job, I’ve had to change my perspective about it and just see it as a means to an end….. money in my bank accounts and in my pockets.

Your situation is not like mine. You’ve been more responsible and a lot smarter with your choices, than I’ve been as an adult. And you’ve built a life with a partner, so you aren’t just out here in this world all alone. From what I’ve read, and ASSume about your life, you won’t lose anything if it takes you a few months or even longer to find another job.

Life is too short to be as stressed about a job as you seem to be, especially if you can do something about it without having to wonder how you’re going to eat and keep a roof over your head. If I were you and pretty confident I could get another decent or better job, I’d be outta there so fast, heads would spin. 

But I’m not the best YM’er either, so you prolly don’t want to listen to me lol.

Whatever you do, I hope you find your way to much less stress about a job.

[ners]

I have dreamed of just walking out of my current position.  I cannot leave without having another position lined up.  I have started looking for another job.  

The person who had my position before me came in at 6:00 AM and left a note saying she quit.  I am not that person and in interviews I have been asked if I plan to give notice.  There are no reasons to give notice since there are no vacation payouts.  
    

I am coming to the conclusion that life is too short to be miserable at work.

[thyme4change]

I have a vacation day today. I think my husband has convinced me to call boss today and tell him that I can wrap things up next week - maybe 2 or 3 days. A compromise between the traditional 2 weeks and an "f-you" email and then not answering any phone calls.

Now I just have to summon the courage.

[swamp]

Aug 19, 2022 9:12:48 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I have a vacation day today. I think my husband has convinced me to call boss today and tell him that I can wrap things up next week - maybe 2 or 3 days. A compromise between the traditional 2 weeks and an "f-you" email and then not answering any phone calls.

Now I just have to summon the courage.

You can do eet!!!!  

[thyme4change]

Aug 19, 2022 9:23:49 GMT -5 swamp said:

Aug 19, 2022 9:12:48 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I have a vacation day today. I think my husband has convinced me to call boss today and tell him that I can wrap things up next week - maybe 2 or 3 days. A compromise between the traditional 2 weeks and an "f-you" email and then not answering any phone calls.

Now I just have to summon the courage.

You can do eet!!!!  

Done!

My boss asked why. Dude - you just gave me a shitty review, with a threat of firing me. Go ahead and guess why. He also asked if I had another job lined up.

He said he would need me "at least" all of next week. He may be surprised to find that is the max I plan on doing. Although, I may chicken out and take another week of salary. Maybe the elation of short timing will make it bearable.

Now I have to call my GM.

[swamp]

[swamp]

Aug 19, 2022 12:23:35 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Aug 19, 2022 9:23:49 GMT -5 swamp said:

You can do eet!!!!  

Done!

My boss asked why. Dude - you just gave me a shitty review, with a threat of firing me. Go ahead and guess why. He also asked if I had another job lined up.

He said he would need me "at least" all of next week. He may be surprised to find that is the max I plan on doing. Although, I may chicken out and take another week of salary. Maybe the elation of short timing will make it bearable.

Now I have to call my GM.

what did you actually tell him? 

[laterbloomer]

Aug 19, 2022 12:23:35 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Aug 19, 2022 9:23:49 GMT -5 swamp said:

You can do eet!!!!  

Done!

My boss asked why. Dude - you just gave me a shitty review, with a threat of firing me. Go ahead and guess why. He also asked if I had another job lined up.

He said he would need me "at least" all of next week. He may be surprised to find that is the max I plan on doing. Although, I may chicken out and take another week of salary. Maybe the elation of short timing will make it bearable.

Now I have to call my GM.

Funny how slow they are to catch on that their wishes are no longer your problem.

[imawino]

Aug 19, 2022 12:23:35 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Aug 19, 2022 9:23:49 GMT -5 swamp said:

You can do eet!!!!  

Done!

My boss asked why. Dude - you just gave me a shitty review, with a threat of firing me. Go ahead and guess why. He also asked if I had another job lined up.

He said he would need me "at least" all of next week. He may be surprised to find that is the max I plan on doing. Although, I may chicken out and take another week of salary. Maybe the elation of short timing will make it bearable.

Now I have to call my GM.

Amazing!!  How do you feel?  Elated? Relieved? Panicked?  Overjoyed? Like laughing? Like dancing? Like crying?  All of the above?!

[giramomma]

Glad you did it, Thyme!

[Empire the P.A.]

thyme4change, good for you! Nothing worse than a clueless overbearing boss to try and deal with when you are already unhappy with the job. 

[TheOtherMe]

Your soon to be former boss was totally clueless.  Be happy to have escaped him.      

[finnime]

Good for you, thyme4change! You're well rid of misery.

[plugginaway22]

Absolutely nothing better than being in a financial position to do whatever it takes to preserve your sanity and happiness. Take a break and figure out what you want. Congrats!

[Deleted]

thyme4change Sleep well tonight knowing you did the right thing for you and your family

[Deleted]

Aug 19, 2022 9:12:48 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I have a vacation day today. I think my husband has convinced me to call boss today and tell him that I can wrap things up next week - maybe 2 or 3 days. A compromise between the traditional 2 weeks and an "f-you" email and then not answering any phone calls.

Now I just have to summon the courage.

Wowww! In a good way! 

Imo, having courage does not mean an absence of fear. Courage is doing it anyway, even if you have fears.

Remember, life is too short to spend most of your waking hours doing shit you’d rather not to, especially when that thing you spend most of your awake hours doing doesn’t feed your soul or cause feelings inside you that are in some way meaningful to you.

And even if it feeds your soul,  but it sucks the life out of you on the other side, it’s still no good for you. 

Just my thoughts and opinions, and they are worth exactly what you paid for them.

All the best to you. I know you will not go wrong with whatever you decide to do. You got this!

[thyme4change]

Aug 19, 2022 12:34:53 GMT -5 swamp said:

Aug 19, 2022 12:23:35 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Done!

My boss asked why. Dude - you just gave me a shitty review, with a threat of firing me. Go ahead and guess why. He also asked if I had another job lined up.



Now I have to call my GM.

what did you actually tell him? 

I told my boss i haven't been happy and my work reflects that, so I was leaving. I said that I never felt like I was set up for success since the promotion and it was best for everyone if I just go. I didn't say much more than that.

When I told my GM (the sam me speil as I told my boss), he was very sweet. He was clearly surprised. He reminisced about our "early years" together. And told me how important i was to him, and how much he would miss me. He asked me if he could talk me out of it and I told him that I didn't like working for my boss and why, and told him that wasn't for common knowledge- knowing he will drop hints at what he heard. I also told him I felt like I had too much baggage now and a clean break is best. I cried when I got off the phone with him.

He told his 3 direct reports, who are my favorite people in the company. They all sent me really sweet texts. One asked me if my plan was to day drink 🤣🤣.

I also talked to a career coach. I thought it would sound more bullshitty and therapy-ish. But, it seemed quite regimented. They have evaluations, and homework and a set plan for figuring out what you want and how to get there. They also will do resume and interview prep. I think I am going to sign up. It is a monthly thing, so if it isn't working I can bail out.

So - that is my deal. I am starting to feel relieved - but also nervous.

[jerseygirl]

Good that a career coach was offered
You’ll be fine anyway

[andi9899]

Aug 18, 2022 15:29:03 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Aug 18, 2022 14:56:22 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

In Europe my colleagues had difficulties with the ‘stress leaves’. Often these were taken by poor workers, the ones they also had difficulties firing.
These poor workers knew how to take advantage of the laws and did.

OMG.  I've been watching too many training videos today.  I read "stress leaves" and thought you were making some kind of marijuana reference. 

I thought of tea. Yours is way more fun.