what are you doing right now?

[raeoflyte]

Mamasita - so scary! I'm glad dw is doing better.

Gira - hope you feel better. I dread the dentist too. I've had eternally crappy dental insurance. If I want to go to a good dentist, even a cleaning runs me $400.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Aug 17, 2022 10:42:30 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I'm trying to be productive today. I'm succeeding personally, but have zero focus to do much professionally today. the dishwasher is running, laundry is well underway from the weekend, and I've got a pot of marinara simmering from the 2 cans of crushed tomatoes that didn't make it into the meatball pot on Saturday. when it cools, it's going straight into the freezer. 

two weeks from today, I leave for Vancouver. I can't wait. K confirmed yesterday that she booked us spots on a sea plane tour on my actual birthday, that's going to be a blast. other than that, I don't know what all we're doing over the holiday weekend. she lives downtown, any recommendations for things I need to see/do? 

We watched sea planes take off and land at the Flying Beaver a few weeks ago.  

[jerseygirl]

Chiver a birthday seaplane ride! VERY NICE!
When I was on Vancouver island we went to a museum. The artwork by Natives in this area is astounding. So very beautiful and interesting.
One I remember was a wooden sculpture of a man turning into an eagle . Incredible

Also island near town, Grantham?, has cute restaurants, artists and interesting houseboats
The food in Vancouver is fantastic! Especially seafood (but thinking you’re allergic?) and very fresh produce and fruits. Great beer
Just remembering wish I was there!

[finnime]

TheOtherMe, it sounds like you got some blowback that has nothing to do with you from DN3's fiancee's life. She just was expelling hot air.

[azucena]

Aug 17, 2022 10:31:51 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Pondering why DN3's fiancee started a text conversation last night.  She started out very confrontational and then started in on how I spend too much time with the Toddler and in my world, he is everything and her son is nothing.  

I don't rarely see her son.  I know she doesn't like DN1 and his wife.  

She said she isn't allowed around the Toddler so I asked her if she was told that.  After hemming and hawing, she finally said she put that restriction on herself.  

I don't know why she started this last night.  

I talk to the Toddler every week.  I would be happy to do a video call with her son and them if they wanted.  He is getting over a bad case of Covid.  His dad refuses to allow him to be vaccinated.  I really don't want him around me in person because of that.  

Just needed to vent because it kept me awake trying to figure out where all this came from and what happened.  

How old is her son?  Doubtful this is anything you did, so try to let it roll off. You have a very healthy two-way relationship with toddler and his family.

[chiver78]

Aug 17, 2022 10:48:05 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Aug 17, 2022 10:42:30 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I'm trying to be productive today. I'm succeeding personally, but have zero focus to do much professionally today. the dishwasher is running, laundry is well underway from the weekend, and I've got a pot of marinara simmering from the 2 cans of crushed tomatoes that didn't make it into the meatball pot on Saturday. when it cools, it's going straight into the freezer. 

two weeks from today, I leave for Vancouver. I can't wait. K confirmed yesterday that she booked us spots on a sea plane tour on my actual birthday, that's going to be a blast. other than that, I don't know what all we're doing over the holiday weekend. she lives downtown, any recommendations for things I need to see/do? 

We watched sea planes take off and land at the Flying Beaver a few weeks ago.  

I remember looking this place up when you mentioned it back then. she must live near there, bc she said she watches the planes take off and land from her home office. I'm sure we'll end up there at some point. 

thanks, jerseygirl. I'm allergic to shellfish, but love all of the fin fish. K is a pescatarian, so I'm sure we'll find some good fish while I'm out there. 

[chiver78]

count me in for the anxiety team for doctor and dentist appointments. my blood pressure goes up if I go visit someone at a hospital, and I'm not even the patient.     for this reason, I still make the trek up to my old town for these regular appointments. well, dentist, anyway. I haven't seen my PCP in a good 6y. I should probably call and make sure they still have my records. anyway, but I do get to the dentist 2x/yr and it's an hour drive to get there. I'm comfortable in that office, and I'll stay there as long as the practice remains open. 

[jerseygirl]

Never liked going to dentist had a lot of cavities as I grew up prior to fluoride toothpaste or treatments. So dentist was painful even if the painful novicain injections decreased pain
Now I go to a Dentist that I taught in college snd even wrote a recommendation for dental school for him.
I go 3x/year for cleanings and rarely have to get new fillings. Occasionally need one replaced
Don’t dread going anymore cause not needing much work or pain
Designed and ran an analgesic study and one pain model is wisdom tooth extraction, Had mine removed and yikes it hurts!
Anyway the study was run in Salt Lake City. People going on Mormon missions often have their wisdom teeth removed prophylacticly. Perfect study subjects, young healthy don’t drink or smoke. Study enrolled very quickly but sadly analgesic failed

[Deleted]

Aug 17, 2022 10:45:18 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

However, by my age, both of my parents had lost all of their teeth.  I still have all of mine.

Paul McCartney said in an interview that when he turned 21 his father advised him to get al his teeth puled because it would save him a lot of trouble later. He didn't take the advice- but that's what you did back then if you were a poor Londoner.

I've got 2 teeth missing (molars in the very back, OK to leave the space) and a few replaced by implants. I just have problem teeth- worse than any of my siblings although we had the same diet and dental care growing up.

I had a good day in Dubrovnik- don't want to say too much because I know I'm fortunate. I do remember never reading Money Magazine when I was in my 30s because I was married to the Ex, who was spending money faster than it came in, and trying to hold down a FT job and I couldn't stand those cover stories of the smirking 30-simethings who had 5 X their annual income saved and the future college costs for their 2 toddlers fully funded.

[giramomma]

It's not great, but not horrible.

I need a few fillings. One is a replacement. 

DH is going to drive me to get them done.

[giramomma]

Well, no one ever talked about how sometimes you can't control your teeth.

It's like everything else..If you do what you are supposed to, bad things won't happen. If bad things happen, they must be your fault, and it's a personal flaw.

That's a hard tape to get over.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Aug 17, 2022 10:46:32 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Mamasita - so scary! I'm glad dw is doing better.

Gira - hope you feel better. I dread the dentist too. I've had eternally crappy dental insurance. If I want to go to a good dentist, even a cleaning runs me $400.

Holy crap.  We get two free a year, but even full pay for a cleaning with xray is $184.  Without xray is $133.

[daisylu]

Dropped a microwave, air fryer/toaster oven combo, pots and pans, and some smaller household stuff off at DS's apartment last night. It is in a not so great neighborhood, but could be worse. It is tiny, but it looks like the carpet was replaced recently along with the flooring in the kitchen and bath. He is one the second floor and has his own entrance, plus the main entrance in the building. I had to break it to him that he does not have AC - not sure how that didn't come up with the landlord. He thinks he will be fine until next year, but IF I see anything on clearance I might grab one for his bedroom at least.

The parking area is shared with another building. Both are 4 apartment buildings. There was a guy cleaning the inside of his car nearby when we were outside talking. He introduced himself, and I had a long conversation with him about the neighborhood and neighbors. I felt a little better after that. He said he would keep an eye out, so I gave him our landline number. DH was not happy about that, just because he believes the WORST about everyone. I choose to believe there are good people out there, until they prove me wrong. Its not like I gave the guy my cell phone info so he could track me (which is something DH would suspect).

Yesterday was definitive proof that my kid is still growing up in many ways, and I will never stop mothering. Not that I thought I would, but it is a different dynamic when your kid is no longer living with you.

[andi9899]

Aug 16, 2022 15:57:39 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Aug 16, 2022 12:25:57 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Drowning. Because I took two days off I came in to 115 unread emails. I've gotten it down to 65 now including the ones I've received since I've started working. I'm also going to end up throat punching some people who are coming at me with unrealistic requests.

I feel you. yesterday was a shit show, and I'm still not dug out. that said, I get 115 emails every day that have nothing to do with me, simply bc my company atmosphere is "CC everyone for visibility" when in fact, it does the exact opposite. 

I'm done with the emails from before I left. Finally. Now it's just the normal people bothering me.

[finnime]

It is very different when your kid lives away, daisylu. It took me a long time to really accept that. Months, maybe longer.

[wvugurl26]

I go back and forth over whether the dental insurance is worth it. It does pay for 2 cleanings a year plus yearly x-rays.

This year I'm having to get 2 filings replaced.

[swamp]

Aug 17, 2022 11:40:37 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Well, no one ever talked about how sometimes you can't control your teeth.

It's like everything else..If you do what you are supposed to, bad things won't happen. If bad things happen, they must be your fault, and it's a personal flaw.

That's a hard tape to get over.

This.  

I have fabulous teeth, and it was not meticulous maintenance that made them this way.  

[giramomma]

We have supplemental dental. Dental comes with health insurance at no extra cost.

Supplemental  $60 for a family per month, and that covers half of root canals, crowns, etc. Regular dental has 0 coverage on these things.

It also provides an extra 1500 towards braces, and it saved us $150 when DS got 3/4 of his wisdom teeth out.

Any help is better than no help when it come to crowns.

And the extra towards orhtho is pretty useful, too. It keeps the OOP to 3K for a "normal" treatment.

[weltschmerz]

Aug 17, 2022 10:11:35 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Aug 16, 2022 18:44:35 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I'm going to take a break for a bit to ponder stuff. I think the world of everyone here, but sometimes looking at what others have financially is just tough. We worked hard every day and sacrificed a lot, but we'll never be even close to the same place as most here. I'm not jealous, I just struggle to be positive and happy in my little place and space if I spend too much time with folks in better situations so I'm going to stay in my lane for a while. Hugs to all that need them.

Totally understand.  A lot of where people are is because of where they happened to be born.  I was not born in to a wealthy family and never will be wealthy.  

I would not be able to convert the bathtub in to a shower if I hadn't received a small inheritance from my parents.  

Most people here earn more in a year than my inheritance.  

Most of the time I am fine with it, but some posters definitely brag.  I've learned to gloss over their posts.

I'm retired. I don't have investments, RRSPs or 401Ks. No cryptocurrency, no gold, no real estate, nothing.
I'm living entirely on my pension money. It pays for all my needs, not all my wants.
That being said, I don't have to worry about medical expenses. I wouldn't be able to do this in the US.

[raeoflyte]

Aug 17, 2022 11:46:03 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Aug 17, 2022 10:46:32 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Mamasita - so scary! I'm glad dw is doing better.

Gira - hope you feel better. I dread the dentist too. I've had eternally crappy dental insurance. If I want to go to a good dentist, even a cleaning runs me $400.

Holy crap.  We get two free a year, but even full pay for a cleaning with xray is $184.  Without xray is $133.

This time was my fault. I had our dental insurance wrong so went to someone not covered. I liked them, but I'm not sure if I liked them that much. But finding someone new sounds awful. Although all my providers are changing. I guess maybe I'll get lucky and new office will be covered.

[countrygirl2]

DD and I each paid $168 for dental cleanings. I don't think that is too bad. They asked if we needed xrays?? DD had a tooth hurting but we used Sensodyne and it quit. The doc didn't find anything wrong with it. And he had ground out and fixed a HUGE old tooth that was filled when I was in high school. I knew it was leaking and couldn't get anyone to fix it. The taste in my mouth has really improved. It was really sensitive too for weeks, but the toothpaste helped it too. He said it looked good. 

He has taken over the dental office and I think I'm going to like him. Told hubs to go up and get his cleaned too. He doesn't very often but like me, he brushes twice a day.

We went to look at the house. I think we were both disappointed. It's been added on to during the years, which is ok. No high end finishes and the carpet upstairs was not clean. The upstairs bathroom  had quartz countertops and a whirlpool, but none of the counters downstairs were quartz. They are just the generic stuff we put in rentals from Lowe's and places. The windows are all good, likely replaced as they are vinyl, the patio doors had the enclosed blinds, I like those.  The living room was big and the kitchen, large, so nice. It had a very pretty pearlized backsplash. I was not crazy about the living room ceiling. The front porch had a beautiful wood ceiling and I think that room had also and that it had been painted white. I told hubs would replace the flooring in there but could live with it for some time. The 2 car garage was clean, drywalled, and freshly painted. It had like a hallway for storage and the safe room with an actual vault in it. As our realtor who we have known for years said, it's presented as a high end house but is not one.

Then at the back door you went into a hallway with a nice countertop, lots of cabinets, a toilet room, then a room with a shower sink and w/d hookups. That area was nice, no dirty clothes, shoes, and all tracking into the house. There was one bedroom down there with a step down. No very big bedrooms, it had the mural in it and a closet, but also a closet that contained the furnace room and the furnace is pretty new over 90% efficient.

But it must be zoned as there was another AC unit on the other side of the house?? Upstairs the
bedrooms had the baseboard electric heaters and vents?? So is it cold up there or what? I bet the electric bills are crazy. They do have city gas and that furnace is connected to it. Hubs said it's all chopped up.

But it's a nice house and all I saw that needed changed would be the flooring. Something we could do ourselves. Hubs didn't like the stairs, he said could be a problem for us later, true.

Hubs found evidence there had been water under the house but didn't see any, they are putting in a new sump pump, it's just a crawl space and he couldn't get down in it to see really good. But none of the brick is cracked, the floors didn't sag or anything, so he said it's likely all ok.

The out buildings were huge. But they have been added on to and just like a rabbit warren out there. The front part could be a guest house for the kids. Has a kitchen and 2 bathrooms, hubs said he could put a shower in one.  It had been used as offices. It also had a diesel generator that turned on automatically, but was small. They had computer racks in there so was for them to keep constant power. In the other part there is a big door that would hold our motorhome. Another one would hold the tractor and boat. Plenty of room for all his tools. The yard is small. 59 acres. They have had a water problem at the back and had dirt and gravel up against the base of the building. But it was limited to the back room. Hubs wondered why there were rat traps out all over outside. Never seen one where we live.
    
The house has a new roof, just put on this year. And hubs counted 5 air conditioners on the house and buildings!! Damn, what a light bill running all those. He said we would only do the front part of the building if the kids came down. We don't heat and cool his garages anyway. But that whole office area is not really something we would need.

So here we are, I don't have a clue what to do. It meets a lot of our needs, but when I got home, we both realized our house is 10 times the house that is quality wise. Hubs said we are never going to find one built as well as this one. I tend to agree with him. Our realtor said we can get a good price for ours even if the market goes down some.

He said if we could get it cheap enough and sell this one for a good price, we likely could afford to buy one in Washington too. But I'm leery. The bedrooms are really small, not sure both of our XL twin beds would fit in one. I have the sizes on my info.

Just wish we could find what we want where we want. I doubt we buy it, it sure looks good on the outside, but the inside was disappointing.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Aug 17, 2022 12:39:19 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Aug 17, 2022 10:11:35 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Totally understand.  A lot of where people are is because of where they happened to be born.  I was not born in to a wealthy family and never will be wealthy.  

I would not be able to convert the bathtub in to a shower if I hadn't received a small inheritance from my parents.  

Most people here earn more in a year than my inheritance.  

Most of the time I am fine with it, but some posters definitely brag.  I've learned to gloss over their posts.

I'm retired. I don't have investments, RRSPs or 401Ks. No cryptocurrency, no gold, no real estate, nothing.
I'm living entirely on my pension money. It pays for all my needs, not all my wants.
That being said, I don't have to worry about medical expenses. I wouldn't be able to do this in the US.

Medicare in the US starting at age 65 is a very different story than dealing with medical costs prior to that.  Most people I know that are retired have very minimal medical expenses outside of the Part C and D premiums which aren't a lot for those of average income.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Aug 17, 2022 11:03:02 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Aug 17, 2022 10:48:05 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

We watched sea planes take off and land at the Flying Beaver a few weeks ago.  

I remember looking this place up when you mentioned it back then. she must live near there, bc she said she watches the planes take off and land from her home office. I'm sure we'll end up there at some point. 

thanks, jerseygirl. I'm allergic to shellfish, but love all of the fin fish. K is a pescatarian, so I'm sure we'll find some good fish while I'm out there. 

Too bad about being allergic to seafood.  I’d recommend Sun Sui Wah for dim sum, not too far from the Flying Beaver.  A lot of their dishes have seafood in them.  

There is a good noodle joint in Vancouver.  The name escapes me, but it was on Diners, Drive Ins and Dives.  I’ll see if I can’t find it.  

Found it.  www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g154943-d1400962-r209808206-Peaceful_Restaurant-Vancouver_British_Columbia.html

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Aug 17, 2022 10:52:48 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Chiver a birthday seaplane ride! VERY NICE!
When I was on Vancouver island we went to a museum. The artwork by Natives in this area is astounding. So very beautiful and interesting.
One I remember was a wooden sculpture of a man turning into an eagle . Incredible

Also island near town, Grantham?, has cute restaurants, artists and interesting houseboats
The food in Vancouver is fantastic! Especially seafood (but thinking you’re allergic?) and very fresh produce and fruits. Great beer
Just remembering wish I was there!

Granville.  My MIL hits here regularly.  She found a phenomenal bakery for baked goods there….as good as Europe.

[countrygirl2]

I worry about money, it's from growing up poor and saving so much of our life. I think we are ok, but a couple of bad decisions could mess that up.

Hubs says we could pay for the house if we wanted too, well yes, but we need to leave our 401K money in there so we get our annual payout. It works well. And selling our houses will replace whatever money we spend.

But you never know what can happen, so I worry.  Then I will spend what I think is more then I should then cut spending to put it back.

So I have my own insecurity issues.

[chiver78]

Aug 17, 2022 12:50:26 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Aug 17, 2022 11:03:02 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I remember looking this place up when you mentioned it back then. she must live near there, bc she said she watches the planes take off and land from her home office. I'm sure we'll end up there at some point. 

thanks, jerseygirl. I'm allergic to shellfish, but love all of the fin fish. K is a pescatarian, so I'm sure we'll find some good fish while I'm out there. 

Too bad about being allergic to seafood.  I’d recommend Sun Sui Wah for dim sum, not too far from the Flying Beaver.  A lot of their dishes have seafood in them.  

There is a good noodle joint in Vancouver.  The name escapes me, but it was on Diners, Drive Ins and Dives.  I’ll see if I can’t find it.  

Found it.  www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g154943-d1400962-r209808206-Peaceful_Restaurant-Vancouver_British_Columbia.html

ha, that's on the list. I asked her about it after seeing the DDD episode for like the 5th time right after I bought my plane tickets. those noodles looked heavenly. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Aug 17, 2022 11:40:37 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Well, no one ever talked about how sometimes you can't control your teeth.

It's like everything else..If you do what you are supposed to, bad things won't happen. If bad things happen, they must be your fault, and it's a personal flaw.

That's a hard tape to get over.

There is a lot you can do though.  It won’t take care of 100%, but it can help a lot. My brother is a prime example of this.  He takes crappy care of his teeth, and it shows.  When I was working at the dental school, I offered to help him.  I had a dentist friend who was willing to do some work on him, and I was willing to pay.  My brother didn't want to make the time to drive 50 miles as he had ‘better things to do’.  (Happy hour).  At this point, my brother is on track to lose all his teeth about the same age as my parents.

Awhile ago, he had a great girlfriend.  Really smart lady, I liked her a lot but she was overweight.  My brother thought he ‘deserved’ someone thin, that he was too good for her.  In reality, his GF was too good for him. GF told me that his oral health sucked and he did squat.  

[NastyWoman]

Holy grocery cost Batman. I have been saying for months that I am glad I don't have to feed teen boys right now. For just me, even with the hefty price increases, it is NBD but in a coup!e of hours I will head to SFO to pick up DS2, DDIL, and my grandbabies (boys but at 8 and 5 not yet human food vacuums), so I hit the stores to buy food for a week for the five of us.   It did not help that I shopped with a mindset of "oh,s/he loves that" so into the shopping carts  the items went. But still...

[minnesotapaintlady]

Aug 17, 2022 12:07:58 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

I go back and forth over whether the dental insurance is worth it. It does pay for 2 cleanings a year plus yearly x-rays.

This year I'm having to get 2 filings replaced.

Our dental is really cheap. It's only $45/month for all three of us, so just the 6 cleanings and X rays/year would cost more than that.  They pay 80% of fillings and will pay 50% of my crown, so OOP there will only be about $600.

It's vision insurance I'm not so sure is worth it to me.  I pay $390/year for the 3 of us, but I'm the only one that wears glasses and goes regularly. Carrot SHOULD wear glasses, but refuses. 

[giramomma]

Aug 17, 2022 13:19:34 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Aug 17, 2022 11:40:37 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Well, no one ever talked about how sometimes you can't control your teeth.

It's like everything else..If you do what you are supposed to, bad things won't happen. If bad things happen, they must be your fault, and it's a personal flaw.

That's a hard tape to get over.

There is a lot you can do though.  It won’t take care of 100%, but it can help a lot. My brother is a prime example of this.  He takes crappy care of his teeth, and it shows.  When I was working at the dental school, I offered to help him.  I had a dentist friend who was willing to do some work on him, and I was willing to pay.  My brother didn't want to make the time to drive 50 miles as he had ‘better things to do’.  (Happy hour).  At this point, my brother is on track to lose all his teeth about the same age as my parents.

Awhile ago, he had a great girlfriend.  Really smart lady, I liked her a lot but she was overweight.  My brother thought he ‘deserved’ someone thin, that he was too good for her.  In reality, his GF was too good for him. GF told me that his oral health sucked and he did squat.  

Oh, I'm not saying that I have no agency in the situation.

I do what I can, for the most part.

It just strikes me that teeth are far more stigmatized, than say, breast cancer. Breast cancer is not a character flaw, but bad teeth are.

My teeth are in better shape than my dad's were at similar ages. He was always at the dentist, which I forgot about until after he died and was cleaning out papers.

I've always had bad teeth.. Despite good oral hygiene (brushing regularly, dental check ups, city water, etc) , I got a lot of cavities after my braces came off in HS. We theorized that the cement protected my teeth. I also had a graft done on my gums while I was in HS as well, because of receding issues. 

What it really points to is I've had my fill of mom. And childhood tapes cut deep. It's amazing how easy it is to slip back into it.

Nothing ever "just is" like DH said a few hours ago.

You are good or bad. Right or wrong.

Cavities put you on the bad/wrong side of the coin.

And right now, I'm too old and tired to go through all of the self talk to get out of it.