what are you doing right now?

[soupandstew]

I've done some "consulting" after I left a position, both paid and volunteer.  There is always a price for "consulting" services, even with people I consider friends.  Last week I found a desperately needed document from 2015 in my computer and provided it to the now-current president of our community association with a clear warning that my computer's memory will go poof at some point when I choose not to renew my cloud-based backup subscription.  I don't get $$, but there is a cost for access to my records and problem-solving skills.  My price is access to the current leadership and respect for my input.  The same access will not be provided to his successor.  Just saying.

[saveinla]

Can use some good vibes and/or prayers - going in an hour for a laser procedure to fix my recurring corneal erosion in one eye. 

Hope it fixes it once and for all - this has happened 3 times this year and the doctor says there is a 90% chance of success, which is all I can hope for.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 20, 2024 18:38:23 GMT -5 saveinla said:

Can use some good vibes and/or prayers - going in an hour for a laser procedure to fix my recurring corneal erosion in one eye. 

Hope it fixes it once and for all - this has happened 3 times this year and the doctor says there is a 90% chance of success, which is all I can hope for.

[soupandstew]

Nov 20, 2024 18:38:23 GMT -5 saveinla said:

Can use some good vibes and/or prayers - going in an hour for a laser procedure to fix my recurring corneal erosion in one eye. 

Hope it fixes it once and for all - this has happened 3 times this year and the doctor says there is a 90% chance of success, which is all I can hope for.

 and prayers

[NastyWoman]

Nov 20, 2024 18:38:23 GMT -5 saveinla said:

Can use some good vibes and/or prayers - going in an hour for a laser procedure to fix my recurring corneal erosion in one eye. 

Hope it fixes it once and for all - this has happened 3 times this year and the doctor says there is a 90% chance of success, which is all I can hope for.

Fingers crossed - good juju coming your way

[Pink Cashmere]

Mister told me today that he did read my email and asked if I preferred for him to respond to the email in writing or just talk to me. I said it was okay for him to do whichever one he felt worked best for him. That was it, we did not decide one way or another. 

But a few minutes after that exchange, I started feeling what I now recognize sometimes, as physical symptoms of anxiety.

I’ve said it to him recently that even though I’m not blaming it for it, I’ve learned that I’ve gotten to where just being around him or trying to have a real conversation with him, causes me to feel anxiety symptoms. I have never in my life experienced anything any close to that when dealing with a man, or anybody. The first time I experienced what I understand now is anxiety, was the night after DD flipped her car, and after I knew they were safe and sound in my home, my body was still on 10 and I felt like it was demanding I take off running or something. I’m still not saying it’s his fault that I react to him the way I do now, I am just saying that I recognize now that he is a source of anxiety for me now. 

I know we need to have some real conversations, but idk how to do that when just the thought of it causes me anxiety now. I feel like that is a weakness in my part, but whatever, it’s real.

[jerseygirl]

Nov 20, 2024 18:38:23 GMT -5 saveinla said:

Can use some good vibes and/or prayers - going in an hour for a laser procedure to fix my recurring corneal erosion in one eye. 

Hope it fixes it once and for all - this has happened 3 times this year and the doctor says there is a 90% chance of success, which is all I can hope for.

Hoping all goes well and eye problem solved

[Pink Cashmere]

He is cooking dinner now. I’m not an expert cook, but given what he is cooking, I am guessing it won’t be ready to eat until close to 8pm or later. We have had issues before when I cooked dinner, and I started it late, and he fussed because 8pm was too late for him to eat.

But he is not really cooking dinner for me or for him. We both have leftovers from what I bought for dinner last night. But he is presenting it as if he is cooking dinner for everybody. I even asked him before he started, if  maybe it would be better to cook it tomorrow when he could get an earlier start. He said no, it was better for him to cook it tonight, and I left it alone. And that is all imma say on that.

[giramomma]

Nov 20, 2024 9:11:32 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 20, 2024 8:25:22 GMT -5 giramomma said:

i know my mom thinks it's a character flaw that none of my kids are super into music. she sees it as some threat to her existence by "my side" not having any influence on the kids.

Carrot's piano teacher plays like 7 instruments, and her entire life is the arts.  She's like another level with the knitting in that she grows her own wool in the form of Alpacas and angora rabbits, and has an 1800's spinning wheel to make it into yarn.  She homeschooled all her kids from K-12 so around them 24/7.  None of them are musical or into the arts...like at all.  

One does show rabbits.

piano teacher is my hero.

i am not bothered by my kids having their own path. i think it wonderful that they have some interests they can take with them long term.

[andi9899]

Nov 20, 2024 19:33:14 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

He is cooking dinner now. I’m not an expert cook, but given what he is cooking, I am guessing it won’t be ready to eat until close to 8pm or later. We have had issues before when I cooked dinner, and I started it late, and he fussed because 8pm was too late for him to eat.

But he is not really cooking dinner for me or for him. We both have leftovers from what I bought for dinner last night. But he is presenting it as if he is cooking dinner for everybody. I even asked him before he started, if  maybe it would be better to cook it tomorrow when he could get an earlier start. He said no, it was better for him to cook it tonight, and I left it alone. And that is all imma say on that.

Y'all would starve around here. I don't usually eat dinner until 10pm during the week. I'm too busy. On the weekends I just do whatever. I usually don't eat until around 2pm or so and what I eat then is usually it for the day. Probably not healthy, but it's just how it ends up working out.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nov 20, 2024 20:01:00 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 20, 2024 9:11:32 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Carrot's piano teacher plays like 7 instruments, and her entire life is the arts.  She's like another level with the knitting in that she grows her own wool in the form of Alpacas and angora rabbits, and has an 1800's spinning wheel to make it into yarn.  She homeschooled all her kids from K-12 so around them 24/7.  None of them are musical or into the arts...like at all.  

One does show rabbits.

piano teacher is my hero.

i am not bothered by my kids having their own path. i think it wonderful that they have some interests they can take with them long term.

DH played trumpet. Gwen plays cello.

I was in choir in elementary school. Gwen was in middle school.

Gwen does not read as a hobby. Abby reads but not nearly as much as me.

Both like to draw that comes from my great aunt.

Neither write. I did, my mom did, her mom did and it turns out my great grandma on my dad's side did.

Gwen was in one play and decided theatre's wasn't for her. Was kinda bummed about that but I still got my wish to brag about her to my HS drama teacher.

Gwen dances. Neither of us dance. My mom and both grandma's could dance.

Abby is starting to get into all things weird and goth. She rivals me when it comes to thrifting.

Gwen is on the HS dance team. Never thought I'd have a cheerleader for a daughter. But I'm so proud of her commitment and she really enjoys it.

[MarionTh230]

I've started Christmas shopping.  I may be close to having Kiddo done.  I need to finish adding to my "already purchased" list and review it with DH.

DH is a December baby.  Kiddo and I have been trying to discreetly shop for his birthday.  Which, is like Mission Impossible with an 8yo that can't keep her mouth shut 

I will take off work all next week for the holiday since DH and Kiddo are off for the whole week.  That is a lot of time for us to spend together.  We are still adjusting to DH's regular schedule.  It's exciting but also a little......well......that's just a whole lot of days for us to all be together.

My boss retired earlier this year.  Which means I have a new boss.  New boss was groomed for this job and is from our group and not an outsider.  Despite this, I currently have an urge at least one a week to just punch him in the face.  I readily acknowledge that is not fair to new boss.  Circumstances being what they are (being a bit vague here), new boss just isn't in a position to "be the best boss he can be".  And that is not his fault.  Problem is, since I have worked with him for years, I have a biased opinion that is not positive that is coloring my feelings on the matter.

Needless to say, a week away from work will be refreshing despite the increased family time!

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 20, 2024 20:06:18 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Nov 20, 2024 19:33:14 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

He is cooking dinner now. I’m not an expert cook, but given what he is cooking, I am guessing it won’t be ready to eat until close to 8pm or later. We have had issues before when I cooked dinner, and I started it late, and he fussed because 8pm was too late for him to eat.

But he is not really cooking dinner for me or for him. We both have leftovers from what I bought for dinner last night. But he is presenting it as if he is cooking dinner for everybody. I even asked him before he started, if  maybe it would be better to cook it tomorrow when he could get an earlier start. He said no, it was better for him to cook it tonight, and I left it alone. And that is all imma say on that.

Y'all would starve around here. I don't usually eat dinner until 10pm during the week. I'm too busy. On the weekends I just do whatever. I usually don't eat until around 2pm or so and what I eat then is usually it for the day. Probably not healthy, but it's just how it ends up working out.

I wouldn’t starve, because I’m not the one that made a big deal about needing to eat dinner before 8pm lol.

My goal is to get out of bed around 6am, which is a few hours before I have to be at work, and hasn’t actually happened yet since my work schedule changed lol. But I still go to bed fairly early just out of habit, because for over a decade, until last summer, I had to be at work at 6am. Besides it just being habit, going to bed early also gives me a few extra hours to try to get my shit together on the nights I can’t sleep. 

[soupandstew]

MarionTh230  It's good to see you here again.  

[soupandstew]

Sort of watching the CMA's.  Country music has evolved and that's a good thing IMHO.  Just translated the invitation to the posada for DH.  It's going to be very cool

[MarionTh230]

Nov 20, 2024 21:06:30 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

MarionTh230   It's good to see you here again.  

You're too kind!  I'm usually lurking even if I'm not "around".  This thread can be a bit heavy at times and my heart is getting softer at my old age which makes it difficult for me to just jump it.  Sometimes it's painful to watch all the imaginary friends that live in my computer go thru so many hardships.  At the same time, it is truly so wonderful and fabulous and heartwarming to see all the help and support that pours through this board!  

But, I'm around and reading/following along in bits and pieces!

[Pink Cashmere]

Good Lord! Mister and I just had a conversation. It didn’t devolve into an argument, but I still don’t think he is hearing me. I reminded him that I have tried to understand and acknowledged his perspective about some things in the past, and again tonight, even though I didn’t necessarily agree with his perspective, I acknowledged what he has said he felt and feels. And I was persistent in saying that he should also consider try to understand or at least my perspective and my feelings, instead of just dismissing them because he already has his mind made up regarding certain things.

I also asked him if he’d ever considered that most of our serious problems are because of other people and circumstances beyond our control, that we have allowed to interfere in our relationship and push us away from each other. He didn’t really want to talk about that, even though I wasn’t being specific, and I’m still not so good at trying to have these kind of cinversations and sticking to the subject, so I did get distracted from that topic. 

Anyway, the bottom line seems to be that he is just as sad and confused as I am about what has happened with our relationship. The question that remains is whether he still wants it enough to do what he can to try to make it better, or even keep it. 

I am taking a Lunesta tonight, in hopes that it helps me sleep not have monkey brain that prevents me from sleeping tonight, since I have to work tomorrow. I’d rather not spend my night tossing and turning and wrestling with my thoughts and looking stupid when it’s time for me to get up for work tomorrow morning, if I can avoid it. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Stopped at the store today to pick up some avocados to go with the carnitas we were making for dinner tonight.  On the way out, there was a huge bin of corn on the cob, 3/$1 (a price I haven’t seen all summer)….in November?  Price was such that we figured it would be worth the risk to pick up 6 ears.

This was the best freaking corn on the cob we have had this year!  Where is corn growing in November?

[Pink Cashmere]

Well, we ended up at odds anyway. During the conversation, he said that it really bothered him how I reacted when I had to clean all the tobacco out of the dryer. I don’t recall being nasty about it, I just made it clear that I was not happy about it and said something about it being one more mess I have to clean up that I didn’t cause. I did not know until this evening that it struck a nerve with him the way it did. 

So an hour or so later, I went back and told him “there is trash on the floor next to the trash can in the pantry, trash on the floor next to the trash can in the laundry room, and trash on the floor in the breakfast nook. History in this house shows that all of that will sit there until I clean it up. You didn’t even pick up the trash around the trash can in the laundry room when you emptied it yesterday, or put a clean bag in it.” Those are just obvious examples at this moment, of the things that get left for me to tend to throughout this whole house, that I get frustrated about because I’m not the one that made the mess, and I’m not the only person that lives here and should be trying to keep the house decent and not nasty.

He got clearly aggravated. I don’t care.

[Works4me]

Pink - have you thought about maybe being more specific so that he knows it's not all about his daughters? I have to be so careful of that here.

ETA - he was one of eleven and had eleven kids with his XW (who remarried and had four more!!!) so he us related to at least half this small town. I hate it here!

[Peace77]

Nov 20, 2024 22:13:28 GMT -5 Works4me said:

Pink - have you thought about maybe being more specific so that he knows it's not all about his daughters? I have to be so careful of that here.

ETA - he was one of eleven and had eleven kids with his XW (who remarried and had four more!!!) so he us related to at least half this small town. I hate it here!

I’d say that trash on the floor in 3 different rooms is pretty specific.

[Works4me]

Nov 20, 2024 22:36:38 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Nov 20, 2024 22:13:28 GMT -5 Works4me said:

Pink - have you thought about maybe being more specific so that he knows it's not all about his daughters? I have to be so careful of that here.

ETA - he was one of eleven and had eleven kids with his XW (who remarried and had four more!!!) so he us related to at least half this small town. I hate it here!

I’d say that trash on the floor in 3 different rooms is pretty specific.

I apologize for my lack of clarity. I wasn't referring to the trash on the floor in 3 different rooms.  I was referring to this part of Pink's post:

”I also asked him if he’d ever considered that most of our serious problems are because of other people and circumstances beyond our control, that we have allowed to interfere in our relationship and push us away from each other. He didn’t really want to talk about that, even though I wasn’t being specific, and I’m still not so good at trying to have these kind of conversations and sticking to the subject, so I did get distracted from that topic"

Peace77 - I was initially hurt by your comment. But then I looked back over the thread and realized it was confusing. In the interest of brevity, I did not quote the original post I was referring to, thus creating confusion. Thank you for pointing thus out to me.

I LOL at myself as talking about clear communication can be so confusing

.

[Works4me]

Slowly recovering from sinus and ear infections. Left ear and right side sinus(es?) are much better while right ear still has fluid & bubbles in it and the left sinus(es?) Is still inflamed. So more antibiotics & nose spray plus new antihistamine.

I am just so frustrated because It is taking so long to get better. I realize that i was sick for at least several weeks and did not realize it. I just kept writing it off as being tired or lupus/autoimmune issues, or allergies or depression.  I've done this before and need to come up been with a way to tell the difference. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I really need to stop doing thIs:   to myself.

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Nov 21, 2024 3:14:23 GMT -5 Works4me said:

Slowly recovering from sinus and ear infections. Left ear and right side sinus(es?) are much better while right ear still has fluid & bubbles in it and the left sinus(es?) Is still inflamed. So more antibiotics & nose spray plus new antihistamine.

I am just so frustrated because It is taking so long to get better. I realize that i was sick for at least several weeks and did not realize it. I just kept writing it off as being tired or lupus/autoimmune issues, or allergies or depression.  I've done this before and need to come up been with a way to tell the difference. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I really need to stop doing thIs:   to myself.

Is your house making you sick? My neighbor bought her house 3 years ago. She has had so much sinus, headache, and other problems. She heads back to Vermont for two months in the summer and ends up feeling better. She comes back and starts getting sick again. She just had her HVAC system replaced and included a humidifier/dehumidifier system as well as cleaning ducts. She is starting to feel better now.

[countrygirl3]

Wow, I slept till noon today. I also slept in the recliner half the afternoon. Then did some laundry. I cut Dd's finger again trimming her nails, her fingers are so tiny and of course she jerks afraid I might cut her. She had blood all over the sheets and stuff so I washed that and fixed her lunch. I wrapped her finger better, I may have to try and just file her nails. Hubs had a place he scrapped on his arm and blood on sheets too. It didn't come out as I didn't have the good stuff to spray on. I will have to use something else on them.

The laundry room looks so nice and clean. I want to buy a hamper for that room, but not sure how big to get so keep putting it off. right now I throw them in a clothes basket which isn't really big enough.

The kitties want to sleep in our room. But Tigger lays across the bottom and hubs can't stretch out. That cat is big and disrupts hubs sleep so he is shutting him out, then Smoke can't come in either. Neither is happy about that so what have they done. Both are piled in bed with DD, LOL! She is short enough that they don't bother her so I saw tonight they are both at the end of the bed sleeping in her room. When son opens the door they both come and get in bed with me.

I need to get in bed, going to have a hard time sleeping tonight I think. We get up at 8AM to get DD and I ready to go to our optometrists appt. It will be good to have glasses that don't bother me again, mine need adjusted.

So almost 2, time for bed.


 

[azucena]

Pink - good on you for recognizing your anxiety.

Mister can't keep deflecting to your reaction which he can't control to the root cause of him not being responsible for the tobacco in the first place.

This is so similar to my key struggle with DH.

Fact - he lets things get dirty and gross. But it's really on him to figure out why - lazy, preoccupied, selfish, doesn't notice, depressed are my guesses but that's not my emotional work to do.

Fact - his messes cause me unnecessary work.
Fact - I do too much of the housework
Fact - I am completely primary parent for the kids
Fact - My job is super stressful, his is not.
Fact - all of that affects my mental health. I can take responsibility for my mental health all day long by taking meds, doing therapy and practicing my coping skills. But I often can't complete the cycle without time for self care which I can't carve out because of all of the above.

Feeling - all of this is so overwhelming and lonesome that I almost can't help but blow up about 'random chores'.

And then this is where we spiral bc he'll come at me about feeling lonesome too but the male version which is we haven't had Thai food in a while. Which is Fact. But it's also Fact that I'm not gonna be hungry if my emotional needs aren't met both by myself and by him.

[azucena]

Add all that to my sleep being disrupted for months by taking care of Teen in the middle of the night during nightmares and seizures. And I've never been a nice person when I don't get enough sleep.

A few weeks ago I was at powder keg status and threatening to light my marriage on fire to my mom as it's become clear unless he changes that I'd be better off emotionally without him BUT my kids probably wouldn't and all 3 are too emotionally stable right now.

Meanwhile it's extra confusing bc these last two weeks he was a great partner in the chaos. I almost just typed helping more with the kids -> plugging in more with the kids. Completely housework without being asked and even checking in on my wellbeing. At the mediation mtg he said the nicest things about me as a mother. And this morning he helped me continue to debrief from it.

Now tonight Teen was throwing up from anxiety release and DD12 flung off her school mask and verbal vomited every little thing from the past few days of school. She's still stuck in such a negative cycle of only noticing what doesn't go her way and hiding it until she crashes and burns like tonight at 10 pm. And her nightmares are back so she's been attempting to stay up all night to avoid them. She screamed at me for an hour and meanwhile DH got off the computer games and went to bed.

Teen ended up calling me on my phone from downstairs bc she got overwhelmed herself. DH can't help her so i tagged him in on dd12, we both heard him sigh loudly and then came to help saying I don't know what to do. Well buddy I don't have a magic wand either but it's called sitting with your child and holding space.

Now I've got monkey brain and all the mom guilt of choosing to help one child over the other. And even as I was going downstairs I recognized that helping Teen is way easier bc she's so, so appreciative and never makes any of her baggage my fault and it legit couldn't be my fault. Meanwhile, DD12 comes at me like I cause all her problems, hardly ever says thank you, etc. And I intellectually get that's all normal. But I also am smart enough to know that even though we are pretty good at hiding it she's picking up on the tension of our marital dysfunction that's been off and on her whole life and I know that some of that has imprinted on her and in some ways has at least partially caused her and DD16s anxiety. I also know that genetically and chemically they inherited some of it from me.

Meanwhile it's beyond frustrating that DH never is plagued by this inward emotional battle. He hardly ever stops to think, reflect on these sorts of emotionally hard and mature topics much less lose sleep over them. How is that fair?

And he claims he's still waiting for a therapist appt but I've been so tempted to check his emails and phone bc I don't think he ever contacted one even though I did the leg work of handing him 3 accepting new patients and he has the option of seeing mine and he's done that in the past incl last yr. Which I know can be weird but our story is so complicated it saves hours of filling in a new person and even he says she's been really good about not crossing lines or choosing sides.

I even said go for the kids so you can learn the tools for when either of them start emotionally dumping and/or how to understand the anxiety he clearly doesn't ever have.

[azucena]

But I'm right there with Pink in that I still love him so here we continue month after month.

Eta - and i continue to hope that the remarkable ways that he shows up during chaos can come to the surface even 50% of the time.

[finnime]

Good morning, stoic invisipeeps, sustaining blowback from your partners and yearning to find time to buff your nails. Welcome to Thursday. I hope on this day you do find time for your nails and your partners and coworkers find a way to get it done. I hope you enjoy ice cream, too.

Today I plan on lounging. This cold has traveled to my chest and is making me miserable. Decongestants and antihistamines leave me with a painfully dry mouth that wakes me up, along with a need to cough a lung up. So today is it. After this, I have no time for illness.

I took this picture yesterday at the beach. I like how the tiny dinosaurs array themselves waiting for sunrise.

[scgal]

Nov 20, 2024 12:22:48 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Nov 20, 2024 10:27:33 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

They didn't stop making them.  My stove and microwave are Kenmore and I just bought them a couple years ago.

That's good to know in case I have to replace this washer. This is the first problem I've had with it since I bought it forever ago.

Frigidaire, Kenmore, Whirlpool, are all the same. One of the factories are here they make all of them there may be some little piece different from the next or control panel looks different ,but they are the same machine. The company that makes a lot of their plastic components is here too I have friends that work there. I have been told changing a part from one customer to the next is usually just a barcode. When we got married I had a kenmore washer / dryer that lasted 16 years. The last 21 years I have been thru 4 sets of various brands