what are you doing right now?

[Deleted]

Aug 3, 2022 16:02:59 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Aug 3, 2022 14:51:19 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

I couldn’t make all this crazy shit up if I tried. As much crap as I do tell y’all there’s always a lot I don’t even talk about, like what’s been going on with this NUT.

My Mom didn’t want to call DD and tell her, because she knew DD was going to be upset, so she called me instead and I went and told DD myself, and gave her the lady’s name and number that she left with my Mom.

When it first started the baby’s father went to give DD some diapers for the baby. The NUT obviously followed him over there with someone else driving, and jumped out of the passenger seat of the car, trying to fight him in the front yard. She didn’t try to fight DD, but DD was still pissed that the girl came to her home, trying to fight him. He ended up throwing her in his truck and pulling off to get her away from the house.

After that, she started stalking and harassing DD. She went through DD’s friends list on FB and sent them crazy messages about DD, so people DD hadn’t seen or talked to since high school were contacting her asking wth and sending her screenshots of the girl’s messages. DD blocked her, but she keeps making fake pages to send DD crazy or threatening messages. She really seems like she’s unstable. 

One of the warrants she has is for aggravated assault. Idk why she’s still running around free, instead of in jail.

When I was talking to DD today, she said the baby’s father has been texting her for about a week, telling her he has something to tell her, but he wants to tell her in person. DD keeps telling him to leave her tf alone, because he tries to use the baby to have access to DD about stuff that has nothing to do with the baby. But now I wonder if he knew what the girl had done and was trying to tell DD. There’s no telling, he may have just been trying to play his usual games.

Just a big, stupid mess.

Idk who else it could’ve been. The baby isn’t around anybody else regularly but my Mom and if my Mom saw something alarming, she would’ve told me, not just jumped up and called DHS. The lady this morning asked my Mom if she’s ever seen marks or bruises on the baby’s neck and arms. My Mom is her own kind of special, but I have zero doubt she would’ve told me if she’d seen something like that. The baby doesn’t even go to daycare. DD doesn’t hang out with friends or whatever, and she doesn’t have company. She pretty much just keeps to herself.

So the only thing that makes sense is the NUT finally came up with something to try to hurt DD with, because even though DD does get angry and upset, she hasn’t engaged with all the other stuff she’s said and done to try to hurt or provoke DD. DD just keeps blocking all the fake pages and not responding to the messages and FB nonsense.

Anyway, DD called the lady, but she said she was about to step into a meeting and asked if she could call DD back afterward.

Can you tell DD to get a no-contact restrainig order?

I told her to do something about it when the girl first started stalking and harassing her. I guess DD thought she would get bored and stop since DD wasn’t reacting or engaging. But she was still at it just last week. And this has been going on for several months, I want to say since then end of last year. 

She has a record, and then the current warrants for her arrest. She also has a child that she doesn’t have custody of. And she’s clearly obsessed with DD, given all the time and energy she puts into constantly harassing her. She’s CRAZY.

I don’t know whether you can contact DHS anonymously or not. If you can, a restraining order wouldn’t have necessarily prevented that would it?

[Deleted]

DD talked to the lady from DHS. She’s going to meet and talk to DD and the children tomorrow at 10am. She specifically asked if the other children would be there for her to talk to, even though the allegation only concerns the baby.

[saveinla]

Really sorry for your loss NomoreDramaQ1015. Its a big shock to lose a parent especially your mother.

[Deleted]

Aug 3, 2022 16:11:01 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I took care of mom's cremation. The restaurant isn't turning a profit and she hadn't gotten around to signing up for life insurance.

I picked out an urn with cardinals on it. I got two smaller plain ones for me and my brother. That way we can do what we wish with our share.

DH and I are coordinating to do a reception at the church. Funeral homes be fucking expensive so that was out.

Not something I think you're ever prepared to do.

Nope, no way to prep for this.  Cardinals are an amazing expression of beauty.  Thank you for sharing your journey with us here.  Your words will help so many who have yet to walk the path.  

[jerseygirl]

So sad for you Drama. Worse since your mom seemed to be recovering then a terrible shock.
Good you’ve already organized , now please let yourself rest . You were blessed with a good mother and now you are a good mother. And beautiful that your girls got to know her love

[finnime]

@pinkcshmere, I married my current DH because I knew I couldn't have as happy a life without him. I need him and I know he needs me, to fulfill our lives. Not to say there aren't times I would gladly throw him out the window, but those times are mostly when I'm feeling abraded by others, not to do with him. With him, I am more, not less.

I take marriage very seriously. After my first I thought I was done with men entirely, never mind marrying one. But with DH I felt compelled to marry again. I'm lucky we met.

[taz157]

I’m so sorry NomoreDramaQ1015. ((((Hugs))))

[CCL]

Aug 3, 2022 16:52:27 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

So sad for you Drama. Worse since your mom seemed to be recovering then a terrible shock.
Good you’ve already organized , now please let yourself rest . You were blessed with a good mother and now you are a good mother. And beautiful that your girls got to know her love

[Deleted]

Aug 3, 2022 16:53:21 GMT -5 finnime said:

@pinkcshmere , I married my current DH because I knew I couldn't have as happy a life without him. I need him and I know he needs me, to fulfill our lives. Not to say there aren't times I would gladly throw him out the window, but those times are mostly when I'm feeling abraded by others, not to do with him. With him, I am more, not less.

I take marriage very seriously. After my first I thought I was done with men entirely, never mind marrying one. But with DH I felt compelled to marry again. I'm lucky we met.

I love that! Thank you for sharing!

Mister tells me that I’m stuck with him, no matter what. Well, he’s stuck with me too.

We are actually a pretty good team, our individual strengths and weaknesses complement each other in many ways. Besides that, he indulges my strange ideas and let’s me just be me, whatever I want, if it makes me happy. And I give him the same grace, because he’s kind of different, but I give him room to just be him.

My hang ups about marriage have nothing to do with him, and everything to do with me and an old script running through my head.

[Deleted]

While I’m rambling about random and crazy stuff in my life, Drama is dealing with losing her Mom. I’m sorry.

[cooper88]

I'm so sorry for your loss Drama.

[Opti]

Aug 3, 2022 16:13:04 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Aug 2, 2022 21:29:55 GMT -5 azucena said:

Pink - I've become introspective on some of my Christian beliefs lately. Happy to listen via IM or text if you'd like to continue pondering aloud. Fwiw, I've typically felt the same about living together but then realized that I really have no problem with my mom (64) and her bf of 3 yrs (70). She was hiding the "sleepovers" from my girls bc she always had strict rules for us growing up and didn't want to be a "bad" influence. I decided I'd rather just explain to them that Grandma got burned in a bad marriage and doesn't want to do that again esp at her age and with LTC costs looming for bf. Not married maybe isn't the ideal situation but it's way too logical in this case.

Working thru your thoughts on this topic is another good counseling topic. Counselors don't try to influence you on these things, more just guide the thoughts and come to healthy resolution for yourself instead of letting it linger unresolved which takes up a lot of brain space and emotion.

My family use to be like that about “shacking”, but mellowed out over the years.

One of my older cousins lived with a man and was worried about what people, including family, thought about them not being married. She’s several years older than me, but that was the second time she had a situation where I told her to stop worrying about what other people thought and do what she felt was right for her and her life. Because whatever she did, SHE was the one that had to live with it. She ended up marrying him, and it only lasted a few years.

So, me and my situation, I feel like a lot of things that are going on in the world today is bigger than us humans. I believe a lot of it is simply good vs evil. The term “spiritual warfare” comes to mind, but I’m not sure that’s the correct term for what I’m thinking. I want to be squarely on the side of “good”, with my life and my soul if all hell breaks loose.

So, about marrying Mister, I don’t really have a good reason not to, other than I said after I got divorced back in the 90’s, that I’d never get married again. I didn’t really have a good reason for declaring that then, my marriage was not horrible, we just weren’t really compatible and I was immature and didn’t even really know myself, let alone what I needed in a spouse (I got married when I was 19yo). I think I told myself that because I wanted to just focus on raising my children and by then, I did know myself well enough to know that men could be a distraction for me. Plus I didn’t want to be like some of my friends, moving men in and out of their homes, thinking each time that he was “the one”. I didn’t want to do that with my children, so saying I was never getting married again meant that I avoided even serious relationships, and I did. I dated men, because I’ve always loved men and wasn’t a man hater or anything, but that was totally separate from my life with my children. I was fine being single, and I was fine believing I would be single for the rest of my life.

That is why Mister was my first serious relationship since my divorce. My children were young adults by the time I met him, but honestly, I started out just playing with him too.

Mister and I have been through a lot and now that things have calmed down from all the constant drama with the girls after we moved together, I’m back to not having any plans to leave. It’s unromantic, but it even makes practical sense to get married. At a certain point in my life, when I had a house and money saved, even though what I’d accomplished paled in comparison to a lot of other people, I didn’t want to put that little bit at risk by getting married. But Mister has more income and money, more to lose than I do, so that’s not a concern with him.

I honestly don’t have a good reason not to do it, other than what I’ve been telling myself for decades, that I would never get married again. So if I’m going to be here anyway, am committed to being his life partner anyway, and I believe it would be pleasing in God’s eyes, why not marry him? I don’t have a good answer to that.

By sharing my thoughts about me and my own life, I am in no way judging anybody that thinks differently or lives differently. I am only speaking on ME and MY life. I can barely figure out my own shit, I mind my business on what other grown folks do with other consenting adults.

You may have trauma still lurking from that time. There were reasons you decided then never to marry. Maybe some of them are still true for you now. I would like to remarry, but the one time I came close after the divorce, lots of things came up. Don't marry him for God. Marry him or not, for you. I hope you find peace on this issue whichever side you pick.

[Opti]

Aug 3, 2022 16:52:27 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

So sad for you Drama. Worse since your mom seemed to be recovering then a terrible shock.
Good you’ve already organized , now please let yourself rest . You were blessed with a good mother and now you are a good mother. And beautiful that your girls got to know her love

Sorry for your loss Drama. I agree with the above, especially going from a hopeful recovery to this. Losing a mom is tough. Be kind to yourself and if possible, only do what you can or a little less. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dammit…..I’m so sorry for your loss, NomoreDramaQ1015.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 3, 2022 17:22:17 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

While I’m rambling about random and crazy stuff in my life, Drama is dealing with losing her Mom. I’m sorry.

Oh no it's fine!  Seriously I don't mind reading rambling AT ALL.  It's what the thread is for and it's a nice distraction to remember the world still goes on.

I ordered myself an urn necklace.  I'll take it with me when we get mom because I have no freaking clue how to get her ashes in there without spilling them everywhere.  Maybe they can help.  I need to talk to them about requesting a couple of separate containers because Bob and I want to scatter ashes.  

He also really likes the tree idea that is what I want when I go.  I found one on Amazon so I purchased it for him.  

What's another $1800 in debt right now.  I am glad I can help, it's not like I had a YM card anyhow.

[Deleted]

Aug 3, 2022 17:40:30 GMT -5 Opti said:

Aug 3, 2022 16:13:04 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

My family use to be like that about “shacking”, but mellowed out over the years.

One of my older cousins lived with a man and was worried about what people, including family, thought about them not being married. She’s several years older than me, but that was the second time she had a situation where I told her to stop worrying about what other people thought and do what she felt was right for her and her life. Because whatever she did, SHE was the one that had to live with it. She ended up marrying him, and it only lasted a few years.

So, me and my situation, I feel like a lot of things that are going on in the world today is bigger than us humans. I believe a lot of it is simply good vs evil. The term “spiritual warfare” comes to mind, but I’m not sure that’s the correct term for what I’m thinking. I want to be squarely on the side of “good”, with my life and my soul if all hell breaks loose.

So, about marrying Mister, I don’t really have a good reason not to, other than I said after I got divorced back in the 90’s, that I’d never get married again. I didn’t really have a good reason for declaring that then, my marriage was not horrible, we just weren’t really compatible and I was immature and didn’t even really know myself, let alone what I needed in a spouse (I got married when I was 19yo). I think I told myself that because I wanted to just focus on raising my children and by then, I did know myself well enough to know that men could be a distraction for me. Plus I didn’t want to be like some of my friends, moving men in and out of their homes, thinking each time that he was “the one”. I didn’t want to do that with my children, so saying I was never getting married again meant that I avoided even serious relationships, and I did. I dated men, because I’ve always loved men and wasn’t a man hater or anything, but that was totally separate from my life with my children. I was fine being single, and I was fine believing I would be single for the rest of my life.

That is why Mister was my first serious relationship since my divorce. My children were young adults by the time I met him, but honestly, I started out just playing with him too.

Mister and I have been through a lot and now that things have calmed down from all the constant drama with the girls after we moved together, I’m back to not having any plans to leave. It’s unromantic, but it even makes practical sense to get married. At a certain point in my life, when I had a house and money saved, even though what I’d accomplished paled in comparison to a lot of other people, I didn’t want to put that little bit at risk by getting married. But Mister has more income and money, more to lose than I do, so that’s not a concern with him.

I honestly don’t have a good reason not to do it, other than what I’ve been telling myself for decades, that I would never get married again. So if I’m going to be here anyway, am committed to being his life partner anyway, and I believe it would be pleasing in God’s eyes, why not marry him? I don’t have a good answer to that.

By sharing my thoughts about me and my own life, I am in no way judging anybody that thinks differently or lives differently. I am only speaking on ME and MY life. I can barely figure out my own shit, I mind my business on what other grown folks do with other consenting adults.

You may have trauma still lurking from that time. There were reasons you decided then never to marry. Maybe some of them are still true for you now. I would like to remarry, but the one time I came close after the divorce, lots of things came up. Don't marry him for God. Marry him or not, for you. I hope you find peace on this issue whichever side you pick.

Well my original reasons for declaring I would never get married again, no longer apply. It was originally so that I could focus on raising my children, and my children are adults now. My youngest is 28yo. I didn’t want to be introducing my children to Tom, Dick and Harry every time I thought they might be “the one” and it ended up not working out, then along came the next man I was introducing my children to. So I made my peace with being single and keeping my dating life separate from my life with my children and it worked for me. I ended up actually enjoying my single life.

In all my years of talking with you all, I am 100% sure nobody can dig up a post I made about being lonely and/or wanting someone to settle down with, not even if we still had access to posts from back in the MSN days. Nobody IRL can honestly say I ever said those things either.

I understand and agree with you that I shouldn’t marry him for God, or any reason besides doing it for me.

[Deleted]

Aug 3, 2022 17:57:02 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Aug 3, 2022 17:22:17 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

While I’m rambling about random and crazy stuff in my life, Drama is dealing with losing her Mom. I’m sorry.

Oh no it's fine!  Seriously I don't mind reading rambling AT ALL.  It's what the thread is for and it's a nice distraction to remember the world still goes on.

I ordered myself an urn necklace.  I'll take it with me when we get mom because I have no freaking clue how to get her ashes in there without spilling them everywhere.  Maybe they can help.  I need to talk to them about requesting a couple of separate containers because Bob and I want to scatter ashes.  

He also really likes the tree idea that is what I want when I go.  I found one on Amazon so I purchased it for him.  

What's another $1800 in debt right now.  I am glad I can help, it's not like I had a YM card anyhow.

You are awesome!

I know it probably doesn’t feel like it, but you are handling everything you are dealing with like a boss. And I want you to know that even if/when you can’t handle things like a boss, that’s okay too because you have so much on your plate.

We love you! Please know that.

[jerseygirl]

Drama what is an urn necklace? Tree idea??
Cardinals are so beautiful!

[Deleted]

Aug 3, 2022 17:57:02 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I ordered myself an urn necklace. I'll take it with me when we get mom because I have no freaking clue how to get her ashes in there without spilling them everywhere. Maybe they can help. I need to talk to them about requesting a couple of separate containers because Bob and I want to scatter ashes.

It's not all that difficult and I hope I don't freak you out by the details. DH's ashes were in a large, black plastic box sealed in a very heavy plastic bag with a twist-tie at the top. There's a coded tag on the twist-tie so they may not want to un-seal it all at the funeral home. I've been putting little bits of DH's ashes in a small container and scattering them in various countries so I'm getting pretty comfortable with the occasional dusting on the table. You may not need separate containers, either, except to store what you don't scatter.

DH's ashes are in the US, Iceland, Paris, Munich, Malta, Bolivia, India, Nepal and Edinburgh so far. He loved that idea when I suggested it to him in his last months!

[NastyWoman]

Sometimes there are no words NomoreDramaQ1015. 

[daisylu]

Aug 3, 2022 17:57:02 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Aug 3, 2022 17:22:17 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

While I’m rambling about random and crazy stuff in my life, Drama is dealing with losing her Mom. I’m sorry.

Oh no it's fine!  Seriously I don't mind reading rambling AT ALL.  It's what the thread is for and it's a nice distraction to remember the world still goes on.

I ordered myself an urn necklace.  I'll take it with me when we get mom because I have no freaking clue how to get her ashes in there without spilling them everywhere.  Maybe they can help.  I need to talk to them about requesting a couple of separate containers because Bob and I want to scatter ashes.  

He also really likes the tree idea that is what I want when I go.  I found one on Amazon so I purchased it for him.  

What's another $1800 in debt right now.  I am glad I can help, it's not like I had a YM card anyhow.

I missed something along the way, I didn't realize your mom was gone. So sorry for your loss.

[Deleted]

Aug 3, 2022 17:22:17 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

While I’m rambling about random and crazy stuff in my life, Drama is dealing with losing her Mom. I’m sorry.

There is no bad in that - we are all where we are at the moment and Drama knows that too

[catsareme]

Drama, my condolences to you and your family. 

[Deleted]

Aug 3, 2022 17:57:02 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Aug 3, 2022 17:22:17 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

While I’m rambling about random and crazy stuff in my life, Drama is dealing with losing her Mom. I’m sorry.

Oh no it's fine!  Seriously I don't mind reading rambling AT ALL.  It's what the thread is for and it's a nice distraction to remember the world still goes on.

I ordered myself an urn necklace.  I'll take it with me when we get mom because I have no freaking clue how to get her ashes in there without spilling them everywhere.  Maybe they can help.  I need to talk to them about requesting a couple of separate containers because Bob and I want to scatter ashes.  

He also really likes the tree idea that is what I want when I go.  I found one on Amazon so I purchased it for him.  

What's another $1800 in debt right now.  I am glad I can help, it's not like I had a YM card anyhow.

The necklace sounds wonderful, and the tree as well - beautiful and meaningful to you and Bob.  Most importantly, she lives on in you and your daughters, in the lives you live every day and what you accomplish as a family.  You are in my heart

[lurkyloo]

Welcome to the lost a parent headspace, a mindfuck and contradiction of epic proportions.  We love you, and are happy to support you any way we can, and we wish you weren’t here.

[TheOtherMe]

Aug 3, 2022 16:11:01 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I took care of mom's cremation. The restaurant isn't turning a profit and she hadn't gotten around to signing up for life insurance.

I picked out an urn with cardinals on it. I got two smaller plain ones for me and my brother. That way we can do what we wish with our share.

DH and I are coordinating to do a reception at the church. Funeral homes be fucking expensive so that was out.

Not something I think you're ever prepared to do.

I am so very sorry.  

Nothing can be said that will make you feel better.  Please remember to take care of you and the girls and your dad.  Your dad is going to feel lost.  

You should not have to be doing this and no one is prepared to do it.  You do the best you can and if people don't like it, too bad.

Your feelings are valid.  Every single one of your feelings.  Please remember that.  They won't always make sense to you but they are valid.  There is no order to grieving.  

There is somehow surviving because you have to for your daughters, DH, brother and dad.   

[susana1954]

Drama, you are so strong! Remember to take care of YOU, though, when this is over.

[lurkyloo]

(Would a mealtrain or setting up a contact to forward gift cards be helpful?  We’re not local enough to drop by with a home cooked meal, and we can’t make it not have happened, and many of us would feel better if we could feel like we were doing something that might make your or your dad‘s life a little easier in the short term    

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 3, 2022 18:19:21 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Drama what is an urn necklace? Tree idea??
Cardinals are so beautiful!

An urn necklace is exactly what it sounds like. It's a very small urn that can fit about a quarter teaspoon of ashes.

The one I picked has a mountain scene on the charm.

You can buy urns that are biodegradable and contain seeds. Your ashes fertilize the plant.

It's what I'd like the kids to do for me and I've wanted since I was little and watched the final episode of David the Gnome.

Bob liked the idea for mom. I chose ginko because she was into holistic medicine.


Amazon for the win.

I'm going to arrange tomorrow for a portion of her ashes to be set aside for those purposes.

Also need to confirm I want a thumb print. I found reasonably priced ones on Etsy. I want to do one for the girls.

I requested her wedding ring for the girls. Dad said they already planned for that.

I love my nephew but there is always the chance a girl doesn't give it back.

This way it stays in the family. The diamond was in my paternal grandma's original ring and her mom.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 3, 2022 20:33:50 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

(Would a mealtrain or setting up a contact to forward gift cards be helpful?  We’re not local enough to drop by with a home cooked meal, and we can’t make it not have happened, and many of us would feel better if we could feel like we were doing something that might make your or your dad‘s life a little easier in the short term 




Umm.sure. I'd be all right giving my contact information to someone.

I'm not uses to being the one given help.