raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 6, 2024 19:21:17 GMT -5
To answer some of the questions about my Mom, when people from our church were putting her in touch with other people, the church people eventually gave up because when they would follow up with my Mom, she never even filled out the applications for anywhere. I can’t exactly force her to fill out applications. But I set all of that aside for today, to deal with another day. I woke up in a decent mood, and I just wanted to get through my workday and get back home still in a decent mood. I actually prayed on my way to work and asked God to please help me not let anyone of anything get me irritated or upset today. And that’s what happened. So far. Despite all my whining and bitching recently, I do know that just because I don’t want to do something and/or it’s not easy, that doesn’t mean that I CAN’T do it. It’s just hard to think that way and remember it when I feel the way I’ve been feeling for a while, mentally. But I remembered it today, and hopefully I keep making progress coming out of that bad place I’ve been in, so that I will continue to remember it so I can figure out where I go from here and how. What if you fill out the applications, set up interviews, etc? Just take it on because your mom isn't capable of doing it herself? If she was capable she would have done it already.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Oct 6, 2024 19:29:18 GMT -5
Dc has to run the grahm pacer test in middle school. It's 20 meter laps that get progressively faster and you fail the first (maybe 2nd) time you can't complete it in time required. Dc is supposed to be able to run 40 laps to meet the national assumed fitness level so that is what we're trying to get up to. Or at least close to. Let's just say I wouldn't make it. Holy crap. But we're going to be working on it every day or every other and I'm sure we'll get a lot better. My kids have been running that since the first or second grade! 😂 My 10yo usually has 60+ laps before failing, and my 8yo (who is less active) can still manage 40-50. You'd be surprised what they can accomplish when they're racing against the rest of the class! I actually would love to take that test, but I'm a weird runner person.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 6, 2024 20:26:13 GMT -5
Dc has to run the grahm pacer test in middle school. It's 20 meter laps that get progressively faster and you fail the first (maybe 2nd) time you can't complete it in time required. Dc is supposed to be able to run 40 laps to meet the national assumed fitness level so that is what we're trying to get up to. Or at least close to. Let's just say I wouldn't make it. Holy crap. But we're going to be working on it every day or every other and I'm sure we'll get a lot better. My kids have been running that since the first or second grade! 😂 My 10yo usually has 60+ laps before failing, and my 8yo (who is less active) can still manage 40-50. You'd be surprised what they can accomplish when they're racing against the rest of the class! I actually would love to take that test, but I'm a weird runner person. Ds loves it. He still quotes the guy and was thrilled to help dc get in shape for it. My kids were never athletic but the PE teachers at the middle school work some kind of magic or voodoo because ds got in great shape in middle school and dc lists PE as one of their favorite classes. If they didn't have to change in front of classmates it might take #1. I hate running but will always do it for my kids. And appreciate the needed cardio boost.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Oct 6, 2024 20:29:59 GMT -5
Just finished eating the spaghetti DH made for dinner. Need to do the dishes. I finished sewing two autumn pillow covers and need to finish two more tonight.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 6, 2024 20:41:00 GMT -5
To answer some of the questions about my Mom, when people from our church were putting her in touch with other people, the church people eventually gave up because when they would follow up with my Mom, she never even filled out the applications for anywhere. I can’t exactly force her to fill out applications. But I set all of that aside for today, to deal with another day. I woke up in a decent mood, and I just wanted to get through my workday and get back home still in a decent mood. I actually prayed on my way to work and asked God to please help me not let anyone of anything get me irritated or upset today. And that’s what happened. So far. Despite all my whining and bitching recently, I do know that just because I don’t want to do something and/or it’s not easy, that doesn’t mean that I CAN’T do it. It’s just hard to think that way and remember it when I feel the way I’ve been feeling for a while, mentally. But I remembered it today, and hopefully I keep making progress coming out of that bad place I’ve been in, so that I will continue to remember it so I can figure out where I go from here and how. What if you fill out the applications, set up interviews, etc? Just take it on because your mom isn't capable of doing it herself? If she was capable she would have done it already. I dunno about that. My parents were capable at 65-73 to go see a lawyer to get all of their affairs in order. My parents had enough energy/mental acuteness to go on vacations and day trips to see shows, do tours, etc. My parents had enough energy/mental acuteness to drive an hour, give or take, for bowling leagues. Mind you, this is while my dad was getting chemo. They chose not to. I dunno why they didn't. I have theories. It's not a productive discussion. So. I chose/choose not to ask. I suspect though, that experiences shape our responses to unpleasant things in life. DH's paternal grandma told DH's parents she wasn't cleaning out her house before she died. She just wasn't. DH's uncle got an expiration date and refused to start working on his home or business. I think it took my inlaws 2 years to deal with all of that. MIL spent a whole lot of time cleaning up after other people's death. Like years so much time, in addition to doing care. Their stuff was taken care of by the time they were 65/66. Because they didn't want to saddle us with what they had been saddled with.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 6, 2024 20:42:21 GMT -5
Devil dog chewed up ds glasses. I am so mad. We're due for appointments and we're paying for vision insurance although if its like the medical it will be worthless. At least they weren't brand new. And they say MY dog is bad. My dog whines too much and destroys dog toys. Never anything even close to this.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Oct 6, 2024 20:50:30 GMT -5
Yup. Some websites are saying it could be a Category 4 storm. It is NOT a good year to own property in Florida. It's been a horrible year or two for many across the country - wildfires, hurricanes, tornados, floods and more. People ask me why I don't move but can't answer the honest question of where I should move to. This is NOT A POLITICAL STATEMENT and I will delete in a heartbeat if anyone takes it there. That is the major question. And, if anything, Helene, has made answering it even harder: Ashville was assumed to be a climate safe haven - it sure does not look like it right now. vluchten kan niet mer, ik zou noet weten waar naar toe* *This is a very pertinent (1971 Dutch) song in this discussion. It basically says we can't flee anymore because there is nowhere safe left, there are disasters and wars everywhere It ends with saying we are only left with sheltering together
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Oct 6, 2024 20:57:15 GMT -5
To answer some of the questions about my Mom, when people from our church were putting her in touch with other people, the church people eventually gave up because when they would follow up with my Mom, she never even filled out the applications for anywhere. I can’t exactly force her to fill out applications. But I set all of that aside for today, to deal with another day. I woke up in a decent mood, and I just wanted to get through my workday and get back home still in a decent mood. I actually prayed on my way to work and asked God to please help me not let anyone of anything get me irritated or upset today. And that’s what happened. So far. Despite all my whining and bitching recently, I do know that just because I don’t want to do something and/or it’s not easy, that doesn’t mean that I CAN’T do it. It’s just hard to think that way and remember it when I feel the way I’ve been feeling for a while, mentally. But I remembered it today, and hopefully I keep making progress coming out of that bad place I’ve been in, so that I will continue to remember it so I can figure out where I go from here and how. What if you fill out the applications, set up interviews, etc? Just take it on because your mom isn't capable of doing it herself? If she was capable she would have done it already. My Mom is not quite as sharp as she use to be in some ways, but she is very capable of handling business. She is also still good at dealing with technology and doing things online. When DD was in high school, her friends were surprised that DD’s Grandmother texted her like she did. That situation is what my Aunt (Mom’s only and older sibling) said it was from the beginning, and is still upset with my Mom about, and she has said that my Mom knew what she was doing and ended up exactly where she wanted to be, in my house. My Aunt has been very consistent since then, about saying that she was at the Doctor when she learned that I was going to pick my Mom up from the hospital and take her home with me, but immediately after, she was with her Doctor, so didn’t call me to tell me not to do it. By the time she could call me, it was already done. Before any of that happened, I had already been telling my Mom that I was thinking about relocating and moving away from the area. I also said that even if I didn’t relocate, Mister and I were talking about buying a house together, even if we didn’t move away. I think my Mom thought that once she was in my house, if I moved to wherever with Mister like I’d said was likely to happen, I wouldn’t leave her, and would take her with me. And I probably would have, if she hadn’t done all the things she did after she moved into my house. She fucked that uo herself, with her behavior and how she treated me once she was in my home. I know that that is true that I would’ve moved her with me wherever I went, because I know that if it had been my Grandmother instead of my Mom, if my Grandmother lived with me, I would’ve done everything I could to take care of her, and I would’ve felt like I did when my children were minors, that my Grandmother goes wherever I go. And to be clear, all of that is on me, and not Mister. Because I was shocked and appalled when we were talking about buying a house and it came out that he felt like we needed a big enough house for my Mom, my daughter and grandchildren to live with us, because he knew the situation with my Mom, and that DD and my Grandbabies had lived with me more often than not. So I quickly shut that down and told him that I wasn’t trying to bring my family baggage into my life with him and drag adults along with me to wherever we moved to. So I moved, just like I’d been telling my Mom long before she even came to my house, that I was going to do eventually. And because I did, she started telling people that I abandoned her, moving out of my house and taking all of my stuff with me. As if most people that move don’t take their stuff with them. And as if she didn’t know before she even came there that I was telling her I was going to move at some point, and per our agreement, she was supposed to move before I did. And as if I didn’t keep her updated when Mister accelerated our plans to buy a house together and told me we were finding a house. 2 or 3 years later, I learned that he decided to make it happen ASAP, because he was trying to get me out of the situation with living with my Mom and her driving me crazy. He was basically trying to rescue me. And the house we live in now, cost more than he wanted to spend, but I liked it, and he wanted our house to be a “forever home” for me. I am 100% sure that he wouldn’t have bought this particular house if he hadn’t been trying to give me a “forever home” that I would be happy with, and willing to grow old with him in. So aside from my Mom, the fact that Mister was willing to go so far as to hurry up and buy a whole house to get me out of my house with my Mom, and buy a house that cost more than he wanted to spend, just to try to make me happy, makes me even more confused about how he and I got to where we are now. Back then I KNEW for sure that he loved me and wanted whatever was best for me, even before we moved into our house. And that is why I keep getting confused about what’s going on now, and don’t know what to do.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 6, 2024 21:04:53 GMT -5
What if you fill out the applications, set up interviews, etc? Just take it on because your mom isn't capable of doing it herself? If she was capable she would have done it already. I dunno about that. My parents were capable at 65-73 to go see a lawyer to get all of their affairs in order. My parents had enough energy/mental acuteness to go on vacations and day trips to see shows, do tours, etc. My parents had enough energy/mental acuteness to drive an hour, give or take, for bowling leagues. Mind you, this is while my dad was getting chemo. They chose not to. I dunno why they didn't. I have theories. It's not a productive discussion. So. I chose/choose not to ask. I suspect though, that experiences shape our responses to unpleasant things in life. DH's paternal grandma told DH's parents she wasn't cleaning out her house before she died. She just wasn't. DH's uncle got an expiration date and refused to start working on his home or business. I think it took my inlaws 2 years to deal with all of that. MIL spent a whole lot of time cleaning up after other people's death. Like years so much time, in addition to doing care. Their stuff was taken care of by the time they were 65/66. Because they didn't want to saddle us with what they had been saddled with. Someone can be physically capable but not emotionally or mentally capable and vice versa. End result is the same.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 6, 2024 21:24:55 GMT -5
What if you fill out the applications, set up interviews, etc? Just take it on because your mom isn't capable of doing it herself? If she was capable she would have done it already. My Mom is not quite as sharp as she use to be in some ways, but she is very capable of handling business. She is also still good at dealing with technology and doing things online. When DD was in high school, her friends were surprised that DD’s Grandmother texted her like she did. That situation is what my Aunt (Mom’s only and older sibling) said it was from the beginning, and is still upset with my Mom about, and she has said that my Mom knew what she was doing and ended up exactly where she wanted to be, in my house. My Aunt has been very consistent since then, about saying that she was at the Doctor when she learned that I was going to pick my Mom up from the hospital and take her home with me, but immediately after, she was with her Doctor, so didn’t call me to tell me not to do it. By the time she could call me, it was already done. Before any of that happened, I had already been telling my Mom that I was thinking about relocating and moving away from the area. I also said that even if I didn’t relocate, Mister and I were talking about buying a house together, even if we didn’t move away. I think my Mom thought that once she was in my house, if I moved to wherever with Mister like I’d said was likely to happen, I wouldn’t leave her, and would take her with me. And I probably would have, if she hadn’t done all the things she did after she moved into my house. She fucked that uo herself, with her behavior and how she treated me once she was in my home. I know that that is true that I would’ve moved her with me wherever I went, because I know that if it had been my Grandmother instead of my Mom, if my Grandmother lived with me, I would’ve done everything I could to take care of her, and I would’ve felt like I did when my children were minors, that my Grandmother goes wherever I go. And to be clear, all of that is on me, and not Mister. Because I was shocked and appalled when we were talking about buying a house and it came out that he felt like we needed a big enough house for my Mom, my daughter and grandchildren to live with us, because he knew the situation with my Mom, and that DD and my Grandbabies had lived with me more often than not. So I quickly shut that down and told him that I wasn’t trying to bring my family baggage into my life with him and drag adults along with me to wherever we moved to. So I moved, just like I’d been telling my Mom long before she even came to my house, that I was going to do eventually. And because I did, she started telling people that I abandoned her, moving out of my house and taking all of my stuff with me. As if most people that move don’t take their stuff with them. And as if she didn’t know before she even came there that I was telling her I was going to move at some point, and per our agreement, she was supposed to move before I did. And as if I didn’t keep her updated when Mister accelerated our plans to buy a house together and told me we were finding a house. 2 or 3 years later, I learned that he decided to make it happen ASAP, because he was trying to get me out of the situation with living with my Mom and her driving me crazy. He was basically trying to rescue me. And the house we live in now, cost more than he wanted to spend, but I liked it, and he wanted our house to be a “forever home” for me. I am 100% sure that he wouldn’t have bought this particular house if he hadn’t been trying to give me a “forever home” that I would be happy with, and willing to grow old with him in. So aside from my Mom, the fact that Mister was willing to go so far as to hurry up and buy a whole house to get me out of my house with my Mom, and buy a house that cost more than he wanted to spend, just to try to make me happy, makes me even more confused about how he and I got to where we are now. Back then I KNEW for sure that he loved me and wanted whatever was best for me, even before we moved into our house. And that is why I keep getting confused about what’s going on now, and don’t know what to do. Is it manipulative if you take the mindset that she isn't capable because she hasn't done it? If she is capable, once she realizes that she is going to be moved out without choice she'll get her act together and do it. But if she doesn't...I don't think she is capable. Maybe only because she believes someone else should be taking care of her. People act to their ability. But you wouldn't have anything to feel guilty for if you were able to get her set up in senior housing - and I'm not discounting the huge undertaking I'm suggesting.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Oct 6, 2024 21:32:18 GMT -5
When I got home from work today, less than 20 minutes later, I was outside on the deck, where I still am, even though it’s dark now.
Earlier, before it got dark, a wasp was nearby, and I was watching it, prepared to run from it if it kept getting close to me. The dogs pay attention when I get antsy, and Newbie came over to investigate, saw the wasp and tried to catch it. I was shooing Newbie away because I didn’t want her to get it in her mouth like she was trying to do, because I didn’t want it to sting her. I’d rather it sting me than her, because at least if I need medical attention, I can say what happened, and Newbie can’t.
I love my dogs so much, even though Boy is still unruly. He is the first one to bark and make noise when he hears something that doesn’t sound right to him. Newbie is just the backup, because honestly, she is lazy. But if Boy raises a ruckus about something that Newbie also perceives as a problem, she is on it too.
If Mister points and tells Boy “go get it”, Boy will try to find whatever Mister is pointing at and telling him to go get. I think that is something that could be really be a good thing, used appropriately. I think it started when there were mice in the deck, and both dogs were hunting them, and working as a team to try to catch them. Then Mister figured out that if he pointed Boy in the right direction, Boy would try to find whatever didn’t belong, that Mister was pointing toward.
They both love humans, so I am not confident in how either of them might react if a human was posing a threat. I am also good with never having reason to find out.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Oct 6, 2024 22:07:16 GMT -5
My Mom is not quite as sharp as she use to be in some ways, but she is very capable of handling business. She is also still good at dealing with technology and doing things online. When DD was in high school, her friends were surprised that DD’s Grandmother texted her like she did. That situation is what my Aunt (Mom’s only and older sibling) said it was from the beginning, and is still upset with my Mom about, and she has said that my Mom knew what she was doing and ended up exactly where she wanted to be, in my house. My Aunt has been very consistent since then, about saying that she was at the Doctor when she learned that I was going to pick my Mom up from the hospital and take her home with me, but immediately after, she was with her Doctor, so didn’t call me to tell me not to do it. By the time she could call me, it was already done. Before any of that happened, I had already been telling my Mom that I was thinking about relocating and moving away from the area. I also said that even if I didn’t relocate, Mister and I were talking about buying a house together, even if we didn’t move away. I think my Mom thought that once she was in my house, if I moved to wherever with Mister like I’d said was likely to happen, I wouldn’t leave her, and would take her with me. And I probably would have, if she hadn’t done all the things she did after she moved into my house. She fucked that uo herself, with her behavior and how she treated me once she was in my home. I know that that is true that I would’ve moved her with me wherever I went, because I know that if it had been my Grandmother instead of my Mom, if my Grandmother lived with me, I would’ve done everything I could to take care of her, and I would’ve felt like I did when my children were minors, that my Grandmother goes wherever I go. And to be clear, all of that is on me, and not Mister. Because I was shocked and appalled when we were talking about buying a house and it came out that he felt like we needed a big enough house for my Mom, my daughter and grandchildren to live with us, because he knew the situation with my Mom, and that DD and my Grandbabies had lived with me more often than not. So I quickly shut that down and told him that I wasn’t trying to bring my family baggage into my life with him and drag adults along with me to wherever we moved to. So I moved, just like I’d been telling my Mom long before she even came to my house, that I was going to do eventually. And because I did, she started telling people that I abandoned her, moving out of my house and taking all of my stuff with me. As if most people that move don’t take their stuff with them. And as if she didn’t know before she even came there that I was telling her I was going to move at some point, and per our agreement, she was supposed to move before I did. And as if I didn’t keep her updated when Mister accelerated our plans to buy a house together and told me we were finding a house. 2 or 3 years later, I learned that he decided to make it happen ASAP, because he was trying to get me out of the situation with living with my Mom and her driving me crazy. He was basically trying to rescue me. And the house we live in now, cost more than he wanted to spend, but I liked it, and he wanted our house to be a “forever home” for me. I am 100% sure that he wouldn’t have bought this particular house if he hadn’t been trying to give me a “forever home” that I would be happy with, and willing to grow old with him in. So aside from my Mom, the fact that Mister was willing to go so far as to hurry up and buy a whole house to get me out of my house with my Mom, and buy a house that cost more than he wanted to spend, just to try to make me happy, makes me even more confused about how he and I got to where we are now. Back then I KNEW for sure that he loved me and wanted whatever was best for me, even before we moved into our house. And that is why I keep getting confused about what’s going on now, and don’t know what to do. Is it manipulative if you take the mindset that she isn't capable because she hasn't done it? If she is capable, once she realizes that she is going to be moved out without choice she'll get her act together and do it. But if she doesn't...I don't think she is capable. Maybe only because she believes someone else should be taking care of her. People act to their ability. But you wouldn't have anything to feel guilty for if you were able to get her set up in senior housing - and I'm not discounting the huge undertaking I'm suggesting. I have to agree with this logic, to some degree. When my kids moved me, in Feb, I wasn't physically in any shape to do it. I also would have REALLY had a hard time emotionally, separating myself, from my stuff. I would have kept/moved everything. Luckily(?), I went over once with DD2 and gave her permission to get rid of some stuff. My kids took it from there and got rid of 2 truck loads of stuff. (They had no emotional connection to my stuff.) Every once in awhile, I wish I still had something, or I miss something, but my memories are still in tact, which is what's important. I love them, for handling things.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Oct 6, 2024 22:12:41 GMT -5
My Mom is not quite as sharp as she use to be in some ways, but she is very capable of handling business. She is also still good at dealing with technology and doing things online. When DD was in high school, her friends were surprised that DD’s Grandmother texted her like she did. That situation is what my Aunt (Mom’s only and older sibling) said it was from the beginning, and is still upset with my Mom about, and she has said that my Mom knew what she was doing and ended up exactly where she wanted to be, in my house. My Aunt has been very consistent since then, about saying that she was at the Doctor when she learned that I was going to pick my Mom up from the hospital and take her home with me, but immediately after, she was with her Doctor, so didn’t call me to tell me not to do it. By the time she could call me, it was already done. Before any of that happened, I had already been telling my Mom that I was thinking about relocating and moving away from the area. I also said that even if I didn’t relocate, Mister and I were talking about buying a house together, even if we didn’t move away. I think my Mom thought that once she was in my house, if I moved to wherever with Mister like I’d said was likely to happen, I wouldn’t leave her, and would take her with me. And I probably would have, if she hadn’t done all the things she did after she moved into my house. She fucked that uo herself, with her behavior and how she treated me once she was in my home. I know that that is true that I would’ve moved her with me wherever I went, because I know that if it had been my Grandmother instead of my Mom, if my Grandmother lived with me, I would’ve done everything I could to take care of her, and I would’ve felt like I did when my children were minors, that my Grandmother goes wherever I go. And to be clear, all of that is on me, and not Mister. Because I was shocked and appalled when we were talking about buying a house and it came out that he felt like we needed a big enough house for my Mom, my daughter and grandchildren to live with us, because he knew the situation with my Mom, and that DD and my Grandbabies had lived with me more often than not. So I quickly shut that down and told him that I wasn’t trying to bring my family baggage into my life with him and drag adults along with me to wherever we moved to. So I moved, just like I’d been telling my Mom long before she even came to my house, that I was going to do eventually. And because I did, she started telling people that I abandoned her, moving out of my house and taking all of my stuff with me. As if most people that move don’t take their stuff with them. And as if she didn’t know before she even came there that I was telling her I was going to move at some point, and per our agreement, she was supposed to move before I did. And as if I didn’t keep her updated when Mister accelerated our plans to buy a house together and told me we were finding a house. 2 or 3 years later, I learned that he decided to make it happen ASAP, because he was trying to get me out of the situation with living with my Mom and her driving me crazy. He was basically trying to rescue me. And the house we live in now, cost more than he wanted to spend, but I liked it, and he wanted our house to be a “forever home” for me. I am 100% sure that he wouldn’t have bought this particular house if he hadn’t been trying to give me a “forever home” that I would be happy with, and willing to grow old with him in. So aside from my Mom, the fact that Mister was willing to go so far as to hurry up and buy a whole house to get me out of my house with my Mom, and buy a house that cost more than he wanted to spend, just to try to make me happy, makes me even more confused about how he and I got to where we are now. Back then I KNEW for sure that he loved me and wanted whatever was best for me, even before we moved into our house. And that is why I keep getting confused about what’s going on now, and don’t know what to do. Is it manipulative if you take the mindset that she isn't capable because she hasn't done it? If she is capable, once she realizes that she is going to be moved out without choice she'll get her act together and do it. But if she doesn't...I don't think she is capable. Maybe only because she believes someone else should be taking care of her. People act to their ability. But you wouldn't have anything to feel guilty for if you were able to get her set up in senior housing - and I'm not discounting the huge undertaking I'm suggesting. I need to think about your post some more. My Mom is manipulative, so even though I prefer to just be upfront and honest dealing with people, I am not above playing the game when someone is trying to manipulate me. My Mom mist definitely thinks that other people should take care of her, whether she is doing her best to take care of herself or not. I am just stuck on how to get her into some kind of senior housing, without committing forgery or something to fill out forms and applications. She is in her right mind and capable of making decisions for herself, and choosing to apply or not for things that can help her or get her into somewhere else to live. I don’t know how I can make her do any of that. I am not trying to be an asshole or not listening when you all suggest ways to try to get her out of my house. It’s just that yes, I can go through the legal system and have her evicted from my house if I give her 30 days notice to vacate, and she ignores it. But she is also my 74yo Mom, who despite her flaws, I know would give me her last $10 if I told her I need it, so it’s just very confusing to me how I believe in my heart that she would do anything she can to protect me, and give me her last dollar if I said I need it, but she has also mistreated me and tried to take advantage of me (and did) in so many ways. I have raised so much hell after I moved out of my house, that she finally took me serious and stopped playing with my money so much IRT to her living in my house. But I honestly think she won’t take me seriously about moving out, even if I tell her I am serious about selling the house. So, I sell the house, making it known to the buyer that she lives there. They evict her after the sale is final, and then what? Where does she go to live? I understand the logical stuff about people being adults and and responsible for themselves and their choices, and how that shouldn’t be my problem, but it is and would be a problem for me, because she is still my Mom and I do love and care about her.
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bean29
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Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:26:57 GMT -5
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Post by bean29 on Oct 6, 2024 22:16:38 GMT -5
Thinking back on what bean29 experienced when her mother went to assisted living, and what countrygirl2 recently said, it is a very real problem that older people who are moved out of their home into something more suitable will likely try to go back home. I have a friend who is having memory issues to the point her safety may be endangered. Her kids want her to go to a more suitable place for her (her house is two stories with a walk-up attic and basement laundry). Her mobility is compromised but not enough to require a walker. Her kids were at first talking about her moving closer to them (3 hours away). But then they got her to place a deposit on a place in a senior community with independent living, assisted living, rehab, and skilled nursing. And it's right here in town. This is a bad option for her for so many reasons. She has no intention of selling her house and her kids second that decision because they like to come down here to go to their alma mater's sports events. If this is what happens, I foresee her basically living at home while paying for independent apartment living. I also suspect there's something else at play with my friend. She has a bit of a clutter problem and says she's getting rid of stuff but I don't see it. I think she doesn't want to sell the house because she'll have to go through her stuff. My mom has settled down though. Last weekend she told me how nice the place she lives at is. She also asked me if she could afford it. I just said yes. She can live there about 10 years depending on how much the fees escalate. Yesterday when I was there the aide was helping her with her shower. I didn’t think she would accept the help easily, but she seemed to appreciate that. Mom cared for dad at home, so she did have a big shower, but the one at the AL facility has a nice big bench. The aide also helped her get dressed after her shower. As we are going thru the house, I realize mom had stuffed a lot of stuff in her room that she did not quite know what to do with. She needed one of us spending an hour or two a week, just to review mail & financial stuff. But we did a lot. Mom refused to give up her business. I filed quarterly sales tax returns, db was cutting grass, I took her to church & all of us took her to Dr. Appts. Society is not prepared for aging of babyboomers, esp. if their kids are still working, or they never had kids. What happens to people who have no one to realize something is not quite right? DS spent some time at Mom’s house today, she did find the title. The car is going to her, so I told her to take it home with her for now.
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