giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 2, 2024 7:29:14 GMT -5
I've got all the hugs for you pink. I feel you on your posts.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 2, 2024 7:32:15 GMT -5
Ava-Have you read boundaries by Cloud and Townsend? Codependent No More by Beattie?
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lurkyloo
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“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
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Post by lurkyloo on Oct 2, 2024 7:56:36 GMT -5
So just now I was getting something out of a nonstick backing pan that Muster bought a couple months ago. And he felt the need to question me about whether I used something that wouldn’t scratch the pan. That pissed me off and I said yeah, I made sure not to use something that wouldn’t damage the pan, because I try to take care of my stuff, but how are you gonna come to me like that when you and your children have destroyed or gotten rid of so much of the stuff that I brought here and bought after we moved here. Of course that didn’t go over well, and he didn’t want to talk about that, he kept saying he was just asking a question about the pan. I keep trying not to get upset or angry, but that really pissed me off. Because the facts are that even the furniture I brought here from my previous home, most of it has been torn up or destroyed to the point that there are just a few items that I would take with me if/when I move. I don’t want to bore you all with the details, so imma just ask you all to believe me when I say that the only furniture I brought here that has not been damaged are the chair in my wanna be yoga room, the chair in our bedroom, and the chairs in the breakfast nook. The table in the breakfast nook also came from my house, but already had some cosmetic damage and sustained more after I moved here. The sofa I brought from my den has been destroyed, even if I didn’t mind the dirt and smell from the dogs laying on it to cuddle with him, their nails have shredded one of the cushions, and that cushion just got flipped over. I could go on and on about a lot of stuff, but none of it really matters in the grand scheme of things, because I have learned what I’m dealing with, and it’s on me to do what’s in my control to get myself out of it. It’s just that my feathers got ruffled when he called himself confronting me about a pan after all the losses I’ve taken with him and his children tearing my shit up and getting rid of it. Imma pray about it. I know some of you don’t believe in prayer, but that is all I have right now to seek guidance to try to get myself out of all of this shit that has become my life these days. Please make a weekend in KC a priority in 2025. We'll make it a boardie girl's weekend and I'll have plenty of room for people to stay. It's pretty nice here in the fall. We can sit on the deck with libations and gossip while the twins run around outside. Hell, if you want we'll have a huge Mexican party that you'll love. You’re gonna have to start by mediating all the fights over who gets the giraffe room!
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lurkyloo
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“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
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Post by lurkyloo on Oct 2, 2024 7:57:31 GMT -5
Starting the annual harassment training just as Eminem comes on the ipod I am amused.
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lurkyloo
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“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
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Post by lurkyloo on Oct 2, 2024 8:03:01 GMT -5
I could use some advice. Yesterday I talked to mom on the phone. She started with the questions. What are you eating? Have you selected a new doctor? Do you have a doctor's appointment? I feel she infantilizes me. Treats like I'm 2 years old and somehow I have to give her all the information about my health, my eating habits, etc. I'm 52 years old. My relationship with her has deteriorated a lot since she lost my beloved pet just because she's careless. I've been very resentful towards her since then. The constant questions and meddling makes me feel a blind rage. How can I politely let her know I will not give her a full report of what I eat or what doctors I'm seeing? Any ideas? Well, it depends. If you say, that's not up for discussion, will your mom actually stop or will she continue. Or, will she pick a fight. When I was getting treated for cancer, my mom was insistent that she know some of my medical numbers. I was like. They're fine. Every single conversation we had while I had chemo was her complaining that I didn't give her my medical information that she thought she was owed. I just went silent until she changed the subject (which, although unhealthy, is a way to deal with conflict). If you say, "I'm not talking about this with you." And your mom keeps pushing then its "I'm not talking about this with you and if you continue, I will hang up." For my mom it was simply "Oh, I don't think this is a good time to talk." and I just hung up. Agreed. Grey rock, deflect don’t engage. You don’t owe her specifics. “It’s handled. How’s the weather down there?”
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seriousthistime
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Post by seriousthistime on Oct 2, 2024 8:13:56 GMT -5
Maybe acknowledge that your mother's questions are based on worry from afar. She can't see you. She worries. That's what moms do.
But as a mom, it's important to know when to back off. It sounds like she doesn't. Just acknowledge her concerns ("I know you worry about me"), you're doing well, you've got it handled, and move onto another topic. If she keeps pushing, "Mom. I've got it handled." If she persists, reassure her you are doing fine and there's so much more to talk about, and tell her if that's all she wants to talk about you might as well get off the phone.
Also, know that the little you might share with her about not feeling well, getting over a cold, or that people around you are dropping like flies will lead to more worry and more questions about your health. So maybe try to minimize that.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 2, 2024 8:30:06 GMT -5
I also think moms worry excessively when there's nothing else for them to focus on.
My mom no longer has my dad. Her friends tire of her. She doesn't have hobbies.
If you have nothing to occupy your day/mind then it's easier to fixate.
So another part of this, might be to steer your mom to read a book or something Ava.
(Maybe I should worry more about DS. He's also a grown-ass adult now, and there's not enough room on my plate to nag him constantly. So, I don't. I think we understand a concern just doesn't go away because I don't voice it. It's more, I've voiced it, and now I'm focusing on the other 150 things that also need my attention.
This is the lesson I learned with DH. They understand English (they aren't english language learners). They have a high enough IQ to comprehend things. So. They get it. Nagging/repeated checking in/whatever isn't going to fix it. It needs to be a different conversation, then.
Oh-I asked you to do the thing 3 months ago. I noticed it's not done. Let's talk about the reasons. Can I support you?)
ETA: Which feels really strange to even type out. I'm not great at it. But, I try to remember to take this approach. It's hard to undo a life-time core belief that relationships are supposed to be adversarial. Not that it's a great excuse. It's also hard for me to navigate when mom is more present in my life. Because her MO is that relationships are adversarial, while my nuclear family takes another approach.)
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Oct 2, 2024 9:10:58 GMT -5
Trying to juggle 100 things at once is messing with my head. I realized after I scheduled a brake job for the Fridge this morning that I didn't actually bring that vehicle today, so DS is running it to town for me and will take the van back home. Not sure how I'll get back to pick it up. It's only 2 miles, so might just walk.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Oct 2, 2024 9:37:38 GMT -5
Today is two weeks since I hotlined bio nut for medical neglect over teen's tooth infection. At this point, social services has once again ghosted us. I sent a desperate plea to school social worker to get anyone and everyone involved in getting this poor kid help. Sitting here in tears bc I'm so frustrated.
New therapist is willing to try to lead nut into signing medical paperwork for tooth but my gut says that may lead to nut revoking therapist and teen desperately needs therapy.
I know I should hotline again but I have no faith that it would help. Why is it up to me to spend on hour on hold and then an hour answering all of their baseline questions about my household and if teen is native american and such just because no one will do their damn jobs?!
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Oct 2, 2024 9:43:33 GMT -5
Today is two weeks since I hotlined bio nut for medical neglect over teen's tooth infection. At this point, social services has once again ghosted us. I sent a desperate plea to school social worker to get anyone and everyone involved in getting this poor kid help. Sitting here in tears bc I'm so frustrated. New therapist is willing to try to lead nut into signing medical paperwork for tooth but my gut says that may lead to nut revoking therapist and teen desperately needs therapy. I know I should hotline again but I have no faith that it would help. Why is it up to me to spend on hour on hold and then an hour answering all of their baseline questions about my household and if teen is native american and such just because no one will do their damn jobs?! This is why burn out is so huge in social work professions. People that go into those jobs want to help, but nothing ever happens and their hands are always tied.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Oct 2, 2024 10:05:37 GMT -5
It's call burn out Pink and that goes beyond depression and anxiety. I don't have much advice just wanted you to know there is nothing wrong with you. How you feel is 100% normal after all that has happened. It's a biological response to constant stress. I'm dead inside without my antidepressant. I can't just turn off the burn out. It will take time and the removal of things causing my stress so I can close the loop. Grandma being taken off my plate is huge. Now I can process rather than just react. Last night I went to bed after posting and I’m just now getting back to the thread. Maybe you are in the wrong field professionally, because you have been spot on with with your assessments of my situations(s) so often. In my counseling session yesterday afternoon (before my feathers got ruffled yesterday/last night), “burnout” was the exact word she used for what I am experiencing. And you wrote the same things she said.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 2, 2024 10:14:03 GMT -5
It's call burn out Pink and that goes beyond depression and anxiety. I don't have much advice just wanted you to know there is nothing wrong with you. How you feel is 100% normal after all that has happened. It's a biological response to constant stress. I'm dead inside without my antidepressant. I can't just turn off the burn out. It will take time and the removal of things causing my stress so I can close the loop. Grandma being taken off my plate is huge. Now I can process rather than just react. Last night I went to bed after posting and I’m just now getting back to the thread. Maybe you are in the wrong field professionally, because you have been spot on with with your assessments of my situations(s) so often. In my counseling session yesterday afternoon (before my feathers got ruffled yesterday/last night), “burnout” was the exact word she used for what I am experiencing. And you wrote the same things she said. My HS humanities teacher was pretty upset I didn't choose to go into psychology or sociology. She really felt I would be good at it and hated that she lost another student to the "hard" sciences. There are days when I think about what she said and that she may have been right. I stumbled onto this book when I was taking a time out before going up to the hospital to see my mom. It really resonated and I still pull it out from time to time. I found that out of all the self help type books I've read this one had actual useful tools that I have been able to somewhat successfully employ. There is a workbook that goes with it too www.amazon.com/Burnout-Secret-Unlocking-Stress-Cycle/dp/198481706X/ref=asc_df_198481706X/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693405822145&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4171542737213640085&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9024568&hvtargid=pla-669837469856&psc=1&mcid=a2f6e2596b803dc78eef63fd23ce4f38
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Oct 2, 2024 10:16:49 GMT -5
Pink Cashmere I wish I had something of value to offer you, but I have nothing except respect for your ethic and the boundaries you set. And When The Eff did these people get off asking/expecting you to lie for them, even if they are blood kin? I know you love your mother and your kids and your grands but you deserve better from them. You deserve to be full inside of the powerful you we know here. They didn’t realize that was part of the papers until they got home with them and was reading it to me over the phone. They probably hoped I would just go along with it, even after they read that part to me, but understood why I said no. Now that I have calmed down, I understand that I was really upset about it even being a question of me signing anything, because I am still tied to the stupid house.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Oct 2, 2024 10:17:51 GMT -5
Do you want us to come up there and shove the pan somewhere Mister will be in need of surgery to remove? Yes, please.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 2, 2024 10:19:31 GMT -5
Do you want us to come up there and shove the pan somewhere Mister will be in need of surgery to remove? Yes, please. Done and done! Everyone remember that the cover story is going to be "he fell on it". That's what all the boys use when they end up in the ER with things where they shouldn't be. It's the perfect cover.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Oct 2, 2024 10:20:33 GMT -5
Done and done! Everyone remember that the cover story is going to be "he fell on it". That's what all the boys use when they end up in the ER with things where they shouldn't be. It's the perfect cover. This was the laugh I needed!
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Oct 2, 2024 10:22:24 GMT -5
So just now I was getting something out of a nonstick backing pan that Muster bought a couple months ago. And he felt the need to question me about whether I used something that wouldn’t scratch the pan. That pissed me off and I said yeah, I made sure not to use something that wouldn’t damage the pan, because I try to take care of my stuff, but how are you gonna come to me like that when you and your children have destroyed or gotten rid of so much of the stuff that I brought here and bought after we moved here. Of course that didn’t go over well, and he didn’t want to talk about that, he kept saying he was just asking a question about the pan. I keep trying not to get upset or angry, but that really pissed me off. Because the facts are that even the furniture I brought here from my previous home, most of it has been torn up or destroyed to the point that there are just a few items that I would take with me if/when I move. I don’t want to bore you all with the details, so imma just ask you all to believe me when I say that the only furniture I brought here that has not been damaged are the chair in my wanna be yoga room, the chair in our bedroom, and the chairs in the breakfast nook. The table in the breakfast nook also came from my house, but already had some cosmetic damage and sustained more after I moved here. The sofa I brought from my den has been destroyed, even if I didn’t mind the dirt and smell from the dogs laying on it to cuddle with him, their nails have shredded one of the cushions, and that cushion just got flipped over. I could go on and on about a lot of stuff, but none of it really matters in the grand scheme of things, because I have learned what I’m dealing with, and it’s on me to do what’s in my control to get myself out of it. It’s just that my feathers got ruffled when he called himself confronting me about a pan after all the losses I’ve taken with him and his children tearing my shit up and getting rid of it. Imma pray about it. I know some of you don’t believe in prayer, but that is all I have right now to seek guidance to try to get myself out of all of this shit that has become my life these days. Please make a weekend in KC a priority in 2025. We'll make it a boardie girl's weekend and I'll have plenty of room for people to stay. It's pretty nice here in the fall. We can sit on the deck with libations and gossip while the twins run around outside. Hell, if you want we'll have a huge Mexican party that you'll love. I sure will!
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Oct 2, 2024 10:23:45 GMT -5
Please make a weekend in KC a priority in 2025. We'll make it a boardie girl's weekend and I'll have plenty of room for people to stay. It's pretty nice here in the fall. We can sit on the deck with libations and gossip while the twins run around outside. Hell, if you want we'll have a huge Mexican party that you'll love. You’re gonna have to start by mediating all the fights over who gets the giraffe room! I figured pink and I could watch empress and chiver duke it out.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Oct 2, 2024 10:58:28 GMT -5
You’re gonna have to start by mediating all the fights over who gets the giraffe room! I figured pink and I could watch empress and chiver duke it out. 🤣
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weltz
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Post by weltz on Oct 2, 2024 12:24:28 GMT -5
I could use some advice. Yesterday I talked to mom on the phone. She started with the questions. What are you eating? Have you selected a new doctor? Do you have a doctor's appointment? I feel she infantilizes me. Treats like I'm 2 years old and somehow I have to give her all the information about my health, my eating habits, etc. I'm 52 years old. My relationship with her has deteriorated a lot since she lost my beloved pet just because she's careless. I've been very resentful towards her since then. The constant questions and meddling makes me feel a blind rage. How can I politely let her know I will not give her a full report of what I eat or what doctors I'm seeing? Any ideas? I do that with Simon. 'Are you eating? What are you eating? Are you still constipated? Are you making an appointment to see a doctor about the pain in your side?'' It doesn't bother him a bit. He knows I'm asking because I love him and I worry. Yesterday he came over with food from Burger King for me, because he knows I'm not eating. He worries about me. He also took the air conditioner out. He knows I can't lift it.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Oct 2, 2024 12:29:51 GMT -5
Project to screen in under the deck is off the rails and I'm in no mood to add it to my plate but I'm wfh while DH is typically unreachable during the day as a teacher. For some reason he asked them to add a storm door and open it inward which they are now questioning. First day of the borders going up and they are well inside the decking and cut off about two foot inside deck footing poles which way cuts down on screened in space. I wasn't keen on this project to begin with as I thought there were better home improvements for the money and now I'm even more skeptical. Pretty sure our patio furniture won't even fit underneath which is beyond stupid.
Really didn't need this today.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 2, 2024 13:11:55 GMT -5
Well that was dumb.
I was planning on going on the plant tour today with the lab but I got absorbed in something and didn't realize everyone else had already left. I'm pretty isolated at my desk.
I did the math and the tour would already be 20 minutes in.
So I came home. I'll take the half day off.
Hope it doesn't bite me. The plant tour was 100% voluntary.
Time blindness is a bitch. I struggle with it after being sick. I had brain fog real bad this round.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Oct 2, 2024 13:16:19 GMT -5
I could use some advice. Yesterday I talked to mom on the phone. She started with the questions. What are you eating? Have you selected a new doctor? Do you have a doctor's appointment? I feel she infantilizes me. Treats like I'm 2 years old and somehow I have to give her all the information about my health, my eating habits, etc. I'm 52 years old. My relationship with her has deteriorated a lot since she lost my beloved pet just because she's careless. I've been very resentful towards her since then. The constant questions and meddling makes me feel a blind rage. How can I politely let her know I will not give her a full report of what I eat or what doctors I'm seeing? Any ideas? I've got it under control. Thanks for your concern.
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weltz
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Post by weltz on Oct 2, 2024 13:55:01 GMT -5
I like October because of all the horror moves. Not all of them are B movies. Right now I'm watching a Spielberg move...The Haunting. It's an incredibly elaborate set, and stars Liam Neeson. Catherine Zeta Jones, Owen Wilson, and more. I'm enjoying myself.
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weltz
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Post by weltz on Oct 2, 2024 14:06:20 GMT -5
Thursday is a John Carpenter marathon. I'm looking forward to that. I'll try to squeeze in a trip to the pool. I always feel better after I swim.
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lurkyloo
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“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
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Post by lurkyloo on Oct 2, 2024 14:15:43 GMT -5
Now listening to I’m going slightly mad (queen) and feeling slightly attacked
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Oct 2, 2024 14:16:28 GMT -5
I like October because of all the horror moves. Not all of them are B movies. Right now I'm watching a Spielberg move...The Haunting. It's an incredibly elaborate set, and stars Liam Neeson. Catherine Zeta Jones, Owen Wilson, and more. I'm enjoying myself. I like those really cheesy 50s "horror" movies like Tarantula where, if you look carefully, you can see the cables move the legs of the giant spider
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Oct 2, 2024 14:49:25 GMT -5
School social worker says to keep working with bio nut. I HATE that answer and want to burn it all down.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Oct 2, 2024 15:14:44 GMT -5
Right now just sitting here with kitty under my bent legs. He is asleep. I got up at 10, was up at 5 for an hour and went back to bed.
Fed us breakfast, been reading things. Hubs called and got the axle on the trailer replaced. He is tired. We are going to sell it there and give son the money to put with more to get him a boat here. It will work out.
I cleaned the dehydrator and will put it back. DIL used it to dry a bunch of apples. And I'm drying clothes.
Last night I started taking down the old blinds, have 3 more to go. Then going to paint around the window frames. With the 9 foot windows cold air will come in and make our heating bill go up. I sure like the look with no blinds up though, its very pretty. In fact no curtains would look nice too, maybe next summer. I have some Fuller Brush cleaner that may just be the ticket for cleaning the glass on the windows, will try.
So today, I'm wanting to take the globes off the outside fixtures and clean and replace all my light bulbs that are burned out. Also want to take down these last 3 blinds.
I likely should go to the grocer and get some bananas and fruit as they said with the strike will be the first things to be affected. Fresh fruits and veggies from other countries.
Going to start keeping a budget, going to have to be very careful with money until we sell some of the houses. I worked up the expenses and for next year alone if we still have them, insurance and taxes on everything including cars will be $12k, we need to get out from under that soon as possible. Our income will cover everything else, I might be able to save enough out of it to pay that but I really doubt it. Thankfully, we have money we can use but we don't want to and I sure hope we don't have all these properties for more than a year at the most.
It's afternoon and I need to get busy.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Oct 2, 2024 15:16:16 GMT -5
Azucena, can the girl get emancipated?
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