what are you doing right now?

[Pink Cashmere]

Feeling like crap, that’s what I am doing.

Mister and I have still been getting along better. So much so that a couple weeks ago I asked him what was he up to and whether I should be worried. He asked what did I mean. I said you’ve been being nice and agreeable lately. He said “I must really be mean then, because I didn’t think I was being nice”. I didn’t know how to take that, so I left it alone.

But he’s been doing more stuff around the house without me asking, and when I do ask him to do something, he does it without me having to remind him. He’s more chatty and starting to be affectionate again.

OD came and got his Honda this morning. Her car has been running hot. Mister went to look at it a week or so ago, and decided it needed to go in the shop. They finally took it a couple days ago and OD was bent out of shape because she had to leave it overnight. She said she has things to do. 

Because she kept driving it when it kept running hot, the shop says there is more damage. From what I can piece together, it’s going to cost several thousands of dollars to fix it. Her Mom called Mister yesterday because she doesn’t know what to do about the car and seems to want to trade it in for another car, but in addition to the needed repairs, there is also the problem that the car is not paid for. 

When Mister said OD got upset about her car being in the shop overnight because she has things to do, I figured that she would end up with his car. And I was right. 

I feel some type of way about it because I do not like how they treat him, even though he always comes through for them when they need something, or just want something. If you say he ain’t shit and treat him like he ain’t shit when he calls you out on your bad behavior, keep that same energy about him being a piece of shit when you have a problem, instead of wanting that piece of shit to help you. 

But it’s not my car that she came to get this morning, and I’m really not interested in butting heads with him about his girls anymore, so since it doesn’t affect me, it’s whatever.

[soupandstew]

Aug 2, 2024 14:23:51 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Feeling like crap, that’s what I am doing.

Mister and I have still been getting along better. So much so that a couple weeks ago I asked him what was he up to and whether I should be worried. He asked what did I mean. I said you’ve been being nice and agreeable lately. He said “I must really be mean then, because I didn’t think I was being nice”. I didn’t know how to take that, so I left it alone.

But he’s been doing more stuff around the house without me asking, and when I do ask him to do something, he does it without me having to remind him. He’s more chatty and starting to be affectionate again.

OD came and got his Honda this morning. Her car has been running hot. Mister went to look at it a week or so ago, and decided it needed to go in the shop. They finally took it a couple days ago and OD was bent out of shape because she had to leave it overnight. She said she has things to do. 

Because she kept driving it when it kept running hot, the shop says there is more damage. From what I can piece together, it’s going to cost several thousands of dollars to fix it. Her Mom called Mister yesterday because she doesn’t know what to do about the car and seems to want to trade it in for another car, but in addition to the needed repairs, there is also the problem that the car is not paid for. 

When Mister said OD got upset about her car being in the shop overnight because she has things to do, I figured that she would end up with his car. And I was right. 

I feel some type of way about it because I do not like how they treat him, even though he always comes through for them when they need something, or just want something. If you say he ain’t shit and treat him like he ain’t shit when he calls you out on your bad behavior, keep that same energy about him being a piece of shit when you have a problem, instead of wanting that piece of shit to help you. 

But it’s not my car that she came to get this morning, and I’m really not interested in butting heads with him about his girls anymore, so since it doesn’t affect me, it’s whatever.

Something like this is really tough IMHO because OD (and her mom's) behaviors are 100% contrary to your personal code of conduct and it's going against someone (Mister) you do care about.  It's hurts to seem him accepting worthless doormat type of treatment from people he cares about, and I think you have a legitimate concern that battering he accepts from others around him sometimes comes out against you in your relationship with him.  I'm sorry

[Cookies Galore]

Aug 2, 2024 11:13:48 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Aug 2, 2024 9:58:29 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I'm going to this open house. This is so interesting! I don't think it's for me, but I'm nosy.

www.zillow.com/homedetails/3705-N-63rd-St-Kansas-City-KS-66104/75706329_zpid/

I have so many questions.... do I start with the pool, or the shower in the middle of the bedroom? 

The shower of course! Andi needs to tour this house to satisfy all our curiosities! I know the shower was installed to care from someone with mobility issues, but I'm curious why they didn't bother with a half wall or something.

[NastyWoman]

Aug 2, 2024 12:52:09 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

I have been kind of busy (including with, but not limited to, freaking out) but I don't remember when I last saw a post from Weltz? I hope she is doing well and I have just been inattentive.

Be and stay well weltschmerz

In case you are getting treatment right now, here is some fighting music from one of my favorite blues groups

[chiver78]

yay, my car was ready early! I was quoted Monday for pickup. what should have been about an hour R/T took me over 2 because the highway was completely shut down. I confirmed on the way home that it was for a major accident. I managed to drop off the highway in favor of a surface road that follows the highway all the way up to the route I needed for the dealership, but some folks were still sitting in it when I drove past to head home. as far as the accident? I really hope there were no fatalities.   the wreckages were removed by flatbed right when I first got back on the highway. first came a heavy duty tow truck that didn't appear to have much damage. second was a sedan missing its rear bumper. third? I couldn't even begin to guess what it was, the back half of it was crushed in. I would be willing to bet that the truck rear-ended the half car and pushed it into the other to have that one lose the bumper. I'll be watching the news tonight to see if I'm right. 

[finnime]

I'm glad, Pink Cashmere, that your and Mister's relationship has turned some type of corner. I agree that OD is using him again and that's a problem but not your problem. Maybe some day she'll grow up. I think the same of my stepson who is now 40, I think. He's not yet accepting his father is a separate man and worthy of repect.

[giramomma]

Aug 2, 2024 14:23:51 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Feeling like crap, that’s what I am doing.

Mister and I have still been getting along better. So much so that a couple weeks ago I asked him what was he up to and whether I should be worried. He asked what did I mean. I said you’ve been being nice and agreeable lately. He said “I must really be mean then, because I didn’t think I was being nice”. I didn’t know how to take that, so I left it alone.

But he’s been doing more stuff around the house without me asking, and when I do ask him to do something, he does it without me having to remind him. He’s more chatty and starting to be affectionate again.

I am sorry you are feeling like crap. DH and I have had similar conversations. He'll bring me coffee when i can get it myself. I'll be like, I appreciate and you don't need to be so nice. Dh is like "I'm not being nice."

I just move along. For my DH, I think he's trying to say that he's just doing normal things, not "nice" things, which tend to be above and beyond.

[lurkyloo]

Feeling some type of way about talking my mother into things.  I truly think they are in her best interest, but it feels like there is a goal every time I talk to her and I’m manipulating her.  Where is the line between reinforcing things that I think are true and she struggles to retain, and gaslighting?
 I tend to think I’m on the side of the angels-I’m trying to manipulate her into cooperating so we can give her the closest thing possible to what she wants-but not sure anymore who defines which way is up.

I also feel like I’m using my kid-to cheer her up? or to manipulate her into being motivated to cooperate with me? DS is a sunny, loving, cheerful kid who doesn’t mind talking to her at all-but part of that is because I’ve mostly kept him away from the toxic family dynamic.  She asked about speaking to him later tonight when I was exiting the signing- the-POAs call, and it just felt like I was using access to him as a reward for cooperating.

My head is a mess.

[Pink Cashmere]

Aug 2, 2024 14:32:55 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Aug 2, 2024 14:23:51 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Feeling like crap, that’s what I am doing.

Mister and I have still been getting along better. So much so that a couple weeks ago I asked him what was he up to and whether I should be worried. He asked what did I mean. I said you’ve been being nice and agreeable lately. He said “I must really be mean then, because I didn’t think I was being nice”. I didn’t know how to take that, so I left it alone.

But he’s been doing more stuff around the house without me asking, and when I do ask him to do something, he does it without me having to remind him. He’s more chatty and starting to be affectionate again.

OD came and got his Honda this morning. Her car has been running hot. Mister went to look at it a week or so ago, and decided it needed to go in the shop. They finally took it a couple days ago and OD was bent out of shape because she had to leave it overnight. She said she has things to do. 

Because she kept driving it when it kept running hot, the shop says there is more damage. From what I can piece together, it’s going to cost several thousands of dollars to fix it. Her Mom called Mister yesterday because she doesn’t know what to do about the car and seems to want to trade it in for another car, but in addition to the needed repairs, there is also the problem that the car is not paid for. 

When Mister said OD got upset about her car being in the shop overnight because she has things to do, I figured that she would end up with his car. And I was right. 

I feel some type of way about it because I do not like how they treat him, even though he always comes through for them when they need something, or just want something. If you say he ain’t shit and treat him like he ain’t shit when he calls you out on your bad behavior, keep that same energy about him being a piece of shit when you have a problem, instead of wanting that piece of shit to help you. 

But it’s not my car that she came to get this morning, and I’m really not interested in butting heads with him about his girls anymore, so since it doesn’t affect me, it’s whatever.

Something like this is really tough IMHO because OD (and her mom's) behaviors are 100% contrary to your personal code of conduct and it's going against someone (Mister) you do care about.  It's hurts to seem him accepting worthless doormat type of treatment from people he cares about, and I think you have a legitimate concern that battering he accepts from others around him sometimes comes out against you in your relationship with him.  I'm sorry

Mister told me about a month ago that he has an attorney working on stopping his child support. It should have stopped over 4 years ago for OD, and 2 years ago for YD. I think he is just waiting for a court date now.

But when it first should’ve stopped completely, when YD turned 18, their Mom made it her business to tell Mister that she pays OD’s car payment out of the CS. So what? Neither of them talked to Mister before they financed the car, they just went and did it, so imo, the payments have nothing to do with Mister since they didn’t talk to him beforehand. 

He also told me after the fact that he had made an appointment for family counseling with the girls. But he forgot about the appointment last week, and when the counselor called him when they didn’t show up, it turned out that she didn’t do family counseling anyway, even though he says that he made it clear that that was what he was looking for when he made the appointment. 

I encouraged him to stay on it and find someone else, idk if he has done that or not. 

Idk how he got them to agree to go to family counseling, I didn’t ask. The cynical part of me thinks that because they will be going back to school soon, they will play nice with him for now, to get what they want from him and so he will keep doing what he’s always done to help them.

They (Mister, the girls, and their Mom) had a conversation last weekend, because YD said at the last minute that she needed $2k for her tuition this fall. She had not saved one penny of the checks she gets from the VA for college, because Mister is a disabled veteran, and even her Mom was upset with her. 

Her Mom told Mister she doesn’t think YD even really wants to go back to college. I told Mister that I could see that, and it’s possible that she only went to college because she went to the same college OD was at, so that OD could continue to “mother” her. 

I told Mister that YD is going to have to step out of OD’s shadow at some point. OD deserves to be able to live her life without taking care of her little sister who is also a young adult now, and YD needs to learn to be responsible and stand on her own 2 feet without depending on OD to make her life easier.

That may be something else they need to work out in counseling, that it’s not healthy for OD to act as YD’s Mom. That’s always been how it was, but that doesn’t mean it was right. They are only 2 years apart in age, but it’s always been accepted from the day I met Mister, that OD was YD’s “Mom”, and I don’t think that is fair to either of them. 

[Opti]

Aug 2, 2024 14:07:45 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I just poked myself in my eye with my knitting needles. 

Luckily you did not shove it through your pupil so I for one am glad you are posting.

[giramomma]

Aug 2, 2024 15:02:44 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Feeling some type of way about talking my mother into things.  I truly think they are in her best interest, but it feels like there is a goal every time I talk to her and I’m manipulating her.  Where is the line between reinforcing things that I think are true and she struggles to retain, and gaslighting?
 I tend to think I’m on the side of the angels-I’m trying to manipulate her into cooperating so we can give her the closest thing possible to what she wants-but not sure anymore who defines which way is up.

I also feel like I’m using my kid-to cheer her up? or to manipulate her into being motivated to cooperate with me? DS is a sunny, loving, cheerful kid who doesn’t mind talking to her at all-but part of that is because I’ve mostly kept him away from the toxic family dynamic.  She asked about speaking to him later tonight when I was exiting the signing- the-POAs call, and it just felt like I was using access to him as a reward for cooperating.

My head is a mess.

I'm sorry. Do you have someone you can talk to about this?

ETA: When all was said and done, I would have been OK with the kids talking with my dad if he asked. He was interested in the kids, even in his last days.

Mom..nope. 

[Pink Cashmere]

Aug 2, 2024 14:52:09 GMT -5 finnime said:

I'm glad, Pink Cashmere , that your and Mister's relationship has turned some type of corner. I agree that OD is using him again and that's a problem but not your problem. Maybe some day she'll grow up. I think the same of my stepson who is now 40, I think. He's not yet accepting his father is a separate man and worthy of repect.

I am glad that things are improving lately, but it kind of makes me nervous, which is why I asked him what is he up to and whether I should be concerned.

I guess things were really bad, long enough to make me wary now that he is acting different. 

Because of the way he’s handled me this last year or so, I don’t really trust him anymore, so I kinda really need to know why things are changing now. 

This is the first time I know of that you have mentioned your stepson. I hope he finds a way to have a healthy relationship with his Dad, your DH. Even when mistakes are made on either end (barring any kind of abuse), I always hope for children and their parents to be able to have a healthy, loving relationship. 

[Opti]

Aug 2, 2024 14:52:09 GMT -5 finnime said:

I'm glad, Pink Cashmere , that your and Mister's relationship has turned some type of corner. I agree that OD is using him again and that's a problem but not your problem. Maybe some day she'll grow up. I think the same of my stepson who is now 40, I think. He's not yet accepting his father is a separate man and worthy of repect.

And that might never happen. For me, it would be how do I plan to deal with it as I can't control whether other people get it or not.

[lurkyloo]

Aug 2, 2024 14:52:09 GMT -5 finnime said:

I'm glad, Pink Cashmere , that your and Mister's relationship has turned some type of corner. I agree that OD is using him again and that's a problem but not your problem. Maybe some day she'll grow up. I think the same of my stepson who is now 40, I think. He's not yet accepting his father is a separate man and worthy of repect.

This is the shift OB needed in his approach, that he needed to treat Mom like a person rather than an obstacle.  Not sure I should be proud of myself there, because I’m not sure it’s a shift in his thinking so much as tactics.

[Pink Cashmere]

Aug 2, 2024 15:02:44 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Feeling some type of way about talking my mother into things.  I truly think they are in her best interest, but it feels like there is a goal every time I talk to her and I’m manipulating her.  Where is the line between reinforcing things that I think are true and she struggles to retain, and gaslighting?
 I tend to think I’m on the side of the angels-I’m trying to manipulate her into cooperating so we can give her the closest thing possible to what she wants-but not sure anymore who defines which way is up.

I also feel like I’m using my kid-to cheer her up? or to manipulate her into being motivated to cooperate with me? DS is a sunny, loving, cheerful kid who doesn’t mind talking to her at all-but part of that is because I’ve mostly kept him away from the toxic family dynamic.  She asked about speaking to him later tonight when I was exiting the signing- the-POAs call, and it just felt like I was using access to him as a reward for cooperating.

My head is a mess.

Idk what to say IRT to your post. I just want you to know that somebody read what you wrote and thought about it, even though I still don’t know what to say.

Your head is a mess….. join the club. Our struggles may be different, but there are many of us whose heads are a mess while we try to navigate life. You are not alone in not knowing what to do and how to proceed. 

Just give yourself some grace for not knowing what you don’t know in this moment. And know that when you act in a way that is coming from love…. for the family you chose (your husband and child) your other loved ones like your parents and siblings, and/or for yourself (which I probably should’ve listed first)…. you are more than likely doing the right thing. 

I believe that operating from a place of love is always best. But that is with the understanding that loving ourselves comes first, even though that sometimes feels selfish. And there is a hierarchy of sorts. Spouse and minor children come before *good* parents and other family members. 

It’s a lot to try to figure out when you are tasked with making decisions in every day life and trying to do right by our families. 

[lurkyloo]

Aug 2, 2024 15:09:10 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Aug 2, 2024 15:02:44 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Feeling some type of way about talking my mother into things.  I truly think they are in her best interest, but it feels like there is a goal every time I talk to her and I’m manipulating her.  Where is the line between reinforcing things that I think are true and she struggles to retain, and gaslighting?
 I tend to think I’m on the side of the angels-I’m trying to manipulate her into cooperating so we can give her the closest thing possible to what she wants-but not sure anymore who defines which way is up.

I also feel like I’m using my kid-to cheer her up? or to manipulate her into being motivated to cooperate with me? DS is a sunny, loving, cheerful kid who doesn’t mind talking to her at all-but part of that is because I’ve mostly kept him away from the toxic family dynamic.  She asked about speaking to him later tonight when I was exiting the signing- the-POAs call, and it just felt like I was using access to him as a reward for cooperating.

My head is a mess.

I'm sorry. Do you have someone you can talk to about this?

ETA: When all was said and done, I would have been OK with the kids talking with my dad if he asked. He was interested in the kids, even in his last days.

Mom..nope. 

I will process and vent at DH later.  That will help.  He has an excellent way of looking at things.

My mother adores kids.  I’d put distance there because she was blatantly favoring YB’s kid now kids. So am I snatching my chance now she’s soured that relationship?  Giving grace, because as shitty as she can be it’s mostly not intentionally shitty?  Or just letting my kid share his light and have one grandparent who doesn’t entirely suck while keeping a watchful eye and careful boundaries?

(FIL just doesn’t have the health or cognition to be much of a grandpa, and MIL is about 90% self centered with the remaining 10% focused on FIL.  The rest of us are supposed to sit around and agree with her and randomly applaud     My Dad was worth more than all three of DS’ remaining grandparents, even in his decline.)

[lurkyloo]

Aug 2, 2024 15:35:13 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Aug 2, 2024 15:02:44 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Feeling some type of way about talking my mother into things.  I truly think they are in her best interest, but it feels like there is a goal every time I talk to her and I’m manipulating her.  Where is the line between reinforcing things that I think are true and she struggles to retain, and gaslighting?
 I tend to think I’m on the side of the angels-I’m trying to manipulate her into cooperating so we can give her the closest thing possible to what she wants-but not sure anymore who defines which way is up.

I also feel like I’m using my kid-to cheer her up? or to manipulate her into being motivated to cooperate with me? DS is a sunny, loving, cheerful kid who doesn’t mind talking to her at all-but part of that is because I’ve mostly kept him away from the toxic family dynamic.  She asked about speaking to him later tonight when I was exiting the signing- the-POAs call, and it just felt like I was using access to him as a reward for cooperating.

My head is a mess.

Idk what to say IRT to your post. I just want you to know that somebody read what you wrote and thought about it, even though I still don’t know what to say.

Your head is a mess….. join the club. Our struggles may be different, but there are many of us whose heads are a mess while we try to navigate life. You are not alone in not knowing what to do and how to proceed. 

Just give yourself some grace for not knowing what you don’t know in this moment. And know that when you act in a way that is coming from love…. for the family you chose (your husband and child) your other loved ones like your parents and siblings, and/or for yourself (which I probably should’ve listed first)…. you are more than likely doing the right thing. 

I believe that operating from a place of love is always best. But that is with the understanding that loving ourselves comes first, even though that sometimes feels selfish. And there is a hierarchy of sorts. Spouse and minor children come before *good* parents and other family members. 

It’s a lot to try to figure out when you are tasked with making decisions in every day life and trying to do right by our families. 

I appreciate this, so much.  I’ll be okay.  It will just take me a little bit to get there.

And yes, part of the conflict is that I want to be sure my mother is OK…but never ever at the expense of my kid or my husband. And there are limits to what I’ll sacrifice on my own behalf for her as well.

(I think you have every reason to feel the way you do too, btw…I just don’t have a lot of proactive advice either.  But all the hugs.  

[Pink Cashmere]

Aug 2, 2024 15:48:27 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Aug 2, 2024 15:35:13 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Idk what to say IRT to your post. I just want you to know that somebody read what you wrote and thought about it, even though I still don’t know what to say.

Your head is a mess….. join the club. Our struggles may be different, but there are many of us whose heads are a mess while we try to navigate life. You are not alone in not knowing what to do and how to proceed. 

Just give yourself some grace for not knowing what you don’t know in this moment. And know that when you act in a way that is coming from love…. for the family you chose (your husband and child) your other loved ones like your parents and siblings, and/or for yourself (which I probably should’ve listed first)…. you are more than likely doing the right thing. 

I believe that operating from a place of love is always best. But that is with the understanding that loving ourselves comes first, even though that sometimes feels selfish. And there is a hierarchy of sorts. Spouse and minor children come before *good* parents and other family members. 

It’s a lot to try to figure out when you are tasked with making decisions in every day life and trying to do right by our families. 

I appreciate this, so much.  I’ll be okay.  It will just take me a little bit to get there.

And yes, part of the conflict is that I want to be sure my mother is OK…but never ever at the expense of my kid or my husband. And there are limits to what I’ll sacrifice on my own behalf for her as well.

(I think you have every reason to feel the way you do too, btw…I just don’t have a lot of proactive advice either.  But all the hugs.  

[TheOtherMe]

Had a rough couple of days.    Not anything specific, just life in general.

Pink, I know that Misters daughters have and do manipulate him.  I hope he gets the child support stopped and would not be surprised if they don't visit much after that when he's not handing out the $$$ like they are nothing.  That needs to stop so they can become adults.

I hope Kiddo doesn't pick up that trait.  He doesn't live in that household so hopefully he doesn't do that.

Lurky, there were times when my sister tried through her kids to get mom or dad to do things.  I didn't know until after the fact but she got her daughter to tell grandma she really didn't like the smell of smoke and it made her nauseous when she was pregnant.  That was an attempt to get her to stop smoking.  It didn't work.  Mom told my niece then she would need to stay away while she was pregnant.  Even my aunt thought that would get her to stop smoking but it didn't.  

If your son can make your son happier and he is happy with being around grandma, let him be around grandma.  It's a horrible thing to try to get your parent to do what you know is right.

I say that knowing that I will fight not living in my house to the last possible second and may choose my friend's way out.  She decided life wasn't worth living after her husband died.  She stopped doing anything about last Thanksgiving and starved herself to death.  What a painful way to die.  She emailed in her resignation when all of her PTO was gone.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Good thing I have nothing to do. I have a snoring pug in my lap and he isn't moving.

[zibazinski]

Aug 2, 2024 7:51:21 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

We still don't have real ac. A window unit on each end of the house and I'm going to add a 3rd to ds room keep everything feeling OK. And apparently keep my in laws away because they don't want to slum it without ac. Almost makes me not want to upgrade.

It works, I promise!

[countrygirl2]

Went to the new house and worked about 2 to 3 hours. I can only do so much or get really tired so I'm careful. But I did get another cabinet cleaned and used this one for fabric. I got at least 3 boxes of fabric in it. I have one more to clean and use for the same. I still don't have enough put away to get sewing machines set up yet. I emptied out several more boxes today but still a lot to go. Some items I may just donate if I have too much. I really did manage to downsize my fabric a ton.

Wish I could get all the walls washed down but just can't right now. If I felt good all this stuff would be done by now, sigh.

I took about 20 minutes and went out into the flower bed and dug out all the sticker plants, so that looked better. Needs watered and more work but it is better.

Son came over to help and had me take a covid test, he figured it was gone, nope still positive.  So he kind of backed away, afraid he will catch it. But he got our Xfinity setup and ordered and took a bunch of cardboard off for me. He is taking off for 2 days and going motorcycle riding with some guys from his club. He rarely gets to do something alone so I told him enjoy himself.

Hubs is coming up, planning on leaving in the morning about 2 to bring some stuff up, he said he will stay about a week, also hoping to bring the newer big mower for son and take the old one down. He is also bringing both kitties, I wish him luck with that. They are all confused I think and he is going to have issues with them. I told him Tigger may not want to go in his cage because of the trauma from the last vet visit. Normally they wonder in and out of the cages but hubs said they don't want to this time. Guess he will see.

We have a showing of the house here in Olympia next Tuesday, wonder if someone is coming in or something. Seems like kind of far out. But I will get it all cleaned up to show. It is so hot at the other house, its going to be miserable without a/c, I hope we make it through. It's very comfy in the old one with our central air. 

I gouged my arm with the turner on a blind on my right arm today and had blood running all over. I try to be careful, but can't always do it, so now another cut and big bruise.

It's only 5 but I'm getting my bath and jams on. Brought DD and I Subway home for dinner,was good.

I am accomplishing work but I am slow at it also. 

 

[cooper88]

I had a nursing home royally piss me off at 4:45 on a Friday. I will report them Monday for an unsafe discharge, but really? 4:45 on a Friday? WTF?

[soupandstew]

Aug 2, 2024 18:57:25 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Went to the new house and worked about 2 to 3 hours. I can only do so much or get really tired so I'm careful. But I did get another cabinet cleaned and used this one for fabric. I got at least 3 boxes of fabric in it. I have one more to clean and use for the same. I still don't have enough put away to get sewing machines set up yet. I emptied out several more boxes today but still a lot to go. Some items I may just donate if I have too much. I really did manage to downsize my fabric a ton.

Wish I could get all the walls washed down but just can't right now. If I felt good all this stuff would be done by now, sigh.

I took about 20 minutes and went out into the flower bed and dug out all the sticker plants, so that looked better. Needs watered and more work but it is better.

Son came over to help and had me take a covid test, he figured it was gone, nope still positive.  So he kind of backed away, afraid he will catch it. But he got our Xfinity setup and ordered and took a bunch of cardboard off for me. He is taking off for 2 days and going motorcycle riding with some guys from his club. He rarely gets to do something alone so I told him enjoy himself.

Hubs is coming up, planning on leaving in the morning about 2 to bring some stuff up, he said he will stay about a week, also hoping to bring the newer big mower for son and take the old one down. He is also bringing both kitties, I wish him luck with that. They are all confused I think and he is going to have issues with them. I told him Tigger may not want to go in his cage because of the trauma from the last vet visit. Normally they wonder in and out of the cages but hubs said they don't want to this time. Guess he will see.

We have a showing of the house here in Olympia next Tuesday, wonder if someone is coming in or something. Seems like kind of far out. But I will get it all cleaned up to show. It is so hot at the other house, its going to be miserable without a/c, I hope we make it through. It's very comfy in the old one with our central air. 

I gouged my arm with the turner on a blind on my right arm today and had blood running all over. I try to be careful, but can't always do it, so now another cut and big bruise.

It's only 5 but I'm getting my bath and jams on. Brought DD and I Subway home for dinner,was good.

I am accomplishing work but I am slow at it also. 

 

Glad to hear you are feeling better and can get stuff done.  And Yay on showing the house in Olympia next week-I hope you get the quick sale you want.  Have you listed your big home in Indiana yet?  Interest rates may come down which might help folks needing a mortgage.  

I hear what you are saying about the heat - it was 97 here today and when I went in the garage to do laundry, it was 85 out there.  

[Opti]

Aug 2, 2024 19:21:15 GMT -5 cooper88 said:

I had a nursing home royally piss me off at 4:45 on a Friday. I will report them Monday for an unsafe discharge, but really? 4:45 on a Friday? WTF?

Who got discharged and what is your relationship to them?
Did the person who get discharged leave AMA or was it due to finances or something else?

[cooper88]

Nope, they discharged home because they got better! However, they didn't send his medications home with him. Assholes.

[andi9899]

Aug 2, 2024 15:06:13 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Aug 2, 2024 14:32:55 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Something like this is really tough IMHO because OD (and her mom's) behaviors are 100% contrary to your personal code of conduct and it's going against someone (Mister) you do care about.  It's hurts to seem him accepting worthless doormat type of treatment from people he cares about, and I think you have a legitimate concern that battering he accepts from others around him sometimes comes out against you in your relationship with him.  I'm sorry

Mister told me about a month ago that he has an attorney working on stopping his child support. It should have stopped over 4 years ago for OD, and 2 years ago for YD. I think he is just waiting for a court date now.

But when it first should’ve stopped completely, when YD turned 18, their Mom made it her business to tell Mister that she pays OD’s car payment out of the CS. So what? Neither of them talked to Mister before they financed the car, they just went and did it, so imo, the payments have nothing to do with Mister since they didn’t talk to him beforehand. 

He also told me after the fact that he had made an appointment for family counseling with the girls. But he forgot about the appointment last week, and when the counselor called him when they didn’t show up, it turned out that she didn’t do family counseling anyway, even though he says that he made it clear that that was what he was looking for when he made the appointment. 

I encouraged him to stay on it and find someone else, idk if he has done that or not. 

Idk how he got them to agree to go to family counseling, I didn’t ask. The cynical part of me thinks that because they will be going back to school soon, they will play nice with him for now, to get what they want from him and so he will keep doing what he’s always done to help them.

They (Mister, the girls, and their Mom) had a conversation last weekend, because YD said at the last minute that she needed $2k for her tuition this fall. She had not saved one penny of the checks she gets from the VA for college, because Mister is a disabled veteran, and even her Mom was upset with her. 

Her Mom told Mister she doesn’t think YD even really wants to go back to college. I told Mister that I could see that, and it’s possible that she only went to college because she went to the same college OD was at, so that OD could continue to “mother” her. 

I told Mister that YD is going to have to step out of OD’s shadow at some point. OD deserves to be able to live her life without taking care of her little sister who is also a young adult now, and YD needs to learn to be responsible and stand on her own 2 feet without depending on OD to make her life easier.

That may be something else they need to work out in counseling, that it’s not healthy for OD to act as YD’s Mom. That’s always been how it was, but that doesn’t mean it was right. They are only 2 years apart in age, but it’s always been accepted from the day I met Mister, that OD was YD’s “Mom”, and I don’t think that is fair to either of them. 

Wait. So they get money from the VA, child support on grown ass women and he buys them whatever they need/want? I would be as sweet as pie if I were them. I don't kiss ass, so I wouldn't do that. I would however be as polite and respectful to him as possible so he'd keep doing things for me. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Aug 2, 2024 18:57:25 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Went to the new house and worked about 2 to 3 hours. I can only do so much or get really tired so I'm careful. But I did get another cabinet cleaned and used this one for fabric. I got at least 3 boxes of fabric in it. I have one more to clean and use for the same. I still don't have enough put away to get sewing machines set up yet. I emptied out several more boxes today but still a lot to go. Some items I may just donate if I have too much. I really did manage to downsize my fabric a ton.

Wish I could get all the walls washed down but just can't right now. If I felt good all this stuff would be done by now, sigh.

I took about 20 minutes and went out into the flower bed and dug out all the sticker plants, so that looked better. Needs watered and more work but it is better.

Son came over to help and had me take a covid test, he figured it was gone, nope still positive.  So he kind of backed away, afraid he will catch it. But he got our Xfinity setup and ordered and took a bunch of cardboard off for me. He is taking off for 2 days and going motorcycle riding with some guys from his club. He rarely gets to do something alone so I told him enjoy himself.

Hubs is coming up, planning on leaving in the morning about 2 to bring some stuff up, he said he will stay about a week, also hoping to bring the newer big mower for son and take the old one down. He is also bringing both kitties, I wish him luck with that. They are all confused I think and he is going to have issues with them. I told him Tigger may not want to go in his cage because of the trauma from the last vet visit. Normally they wonder in and out of the cages but hubs said they don't want to this time. Guess he will see.

We have a showing of the house here in Olympia next Tuesday, wonder if someone is coming in or something. Seems like kind of far out. But I will get it all cleaned up to show. It is so hot at the other house, its going to be miserable without a/c, I hope we make it through. It's very comfy in the old one with our central air. 

I gouged my arm with the turner on a blind on my right arm today and had blood running all over. I try to be careful, but can't always do it, so now another cut and big bruise.

It's only 5 but I'm getting my bath and jams on. Brought DD and I Subway home for dinner,was good.

I am accomplishing work but I am slow at it also. 

 

Taking a covid test after you test positive is useless.  The tests do not detect the difference between a dead virus and a live virus, and your body will continue to expel dead virus (which cannot infect anyone) until it’s rid of it.  Right now, it’s assumed that at 5 days after symptoms, you are no longer contagious.  You may continue to excrete dead virus for a long time.  I think people have continued to excrete dead virus for months.  Thats why the test is useless.

[Opti]

Aug 2, 2024 20:03:50 GMT -5 cooper88 said:

Nope, they discharged home because they got better! However, they didn't send his medications home with him. Assholes.

Not sure what protocol is, but I think they may have to destroy meds in the snf instead of sending them home with a patient. The discharging doctor is supposed to write scrips before discharge and have them sent to the patient's pharmacy before they leave.

Each state is different, but I know this to be true for NJ. Because some patients abuse their meds and will overdose on them if they are allowed to carry them out, I believe that NJ does not allow the leftover meds to be taken on discharge. Sometimes that can be worked around with social work and nursing in advance.

So it wasn't an unsafe d/c though. Something got screwed up with the medication. So, who is calling the nursing home and the pharmacy to straighten it out tomorrow?

[Opti]

And cooper88 I am sorry if I am being abrupt.
there are lots and lots of laws that facilities have to follow. Not all of them do, but if you are large enough, as my former employer was, you bloody well better follow most of them because you are on the radar of the governor and those who keep track of such things.

I am having a not great day, but I will get over it and adjust. I do miss working at my former employer at times like this, because I could ask many doctors or nurses quick questions if they had time. It will take longer to figure out how to deal with an arthritic knee whose cartilage probably got blown through because of this damned bus commute I have been doing for 17 months.

Sorry and have a good night.