what are you doing right now?

[ners]

Good morning all. Need to get moving for the day.

[Pink Cashmere]

Good morning! Thank you again to everyone that wished me a happy birthday yesterday. I spent most of the day lounging in bed watching tv. 

I hope everyone has a great day today.

[Opti]

Dec 12, 2023 18:20:41 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Thanks everyone for the happy birthday wishes! 

Happy Birthday! Sorry to be late. 

[chiver78]

Dec 12, 2023 19:10:40 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

No I'm not entitled to a break or even a lunch hour in Nebraska so she can tell me I'm not allowed to sit down.

Yes her and the director can tell any hiring manager they don't feel I'm promotion material and that's that even if I meet all the job requirements for a role.

That was the most asinine thing I've ever heard. So if you have a crappy manager you're career is over.

It's some consolation that NONE of my coworkers agree with her and on top of all the other crap is damn near starting a riot

We'll see what happens with the three I applied for then go from there.

Cause I'm done being the lab scapegoat.

Struggling with my depression. This is not where I thought I would be at 40. I feel like something is wrong with me.

not that I didn't believe you, but I actually looked it up. for anyone else that's interested - NB DOL link - pdf download
that's completely insane to me that you aren't required to be allowed a break. 

as far as the rest, you've been applying to places. so you already know this one is toxic. it may be in different ways than previous places, but it's still toxic. there's also nothing that says you have to list her as a reference anywhere, too. it sounds like you have a lot of other solid options for that here. 

big hugs coming your way. 

[chiver78]

has anyone ever ordered from SHEIN? I need some new swimsuits, and a few friends have pointed me here. it just feels like it's another zulily or similar. cheap stuff, coming from China

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dec 13, 2023 8:42:23 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

has anyone ever ordered from SHEIN? I need some new swimsuits, and a few friends have pointed me here. it just feels like it's another zulily or similar. cheap stuff, coming from China

Gwen does. It's very hit or miss but they do have jeans that fit her.

Personally would not recommend them for swim suits. Gwen did once and yeah. That was NOT a suit for a 13 year old. It didn't look that skimpy in the photo.

We agreed swim suits are something you need to see in person to confirm what you're getting.

[lurkyloo]

Dec 12, 2023 19:51:35 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Dec 12, 2023 19:13:20 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Man, maybe this is menopause or something bc I am just unreasonably PO’d.
Good news:  DH volunteered to call the sped teacher tomorrow and yell at her.  He’ll do a much more effective job than me at this stage, 50:50 chance I’d devolve into name calling 

I am so with you on the unreasonably PO'd.  I think its progress that I know its unreasonable.  But I wish I could pinpoint a cause.  I'm a little worried that its PMS that I'll just never be able to determine.  I guess I could mark the calendar PO'd and see if there's a pattern.  

Pretty sure I really ought to be on antidepressants or something to level some of this out, but I’m afraid to try any more since they’ve all caused migraines so far.     Conversely I think the five days of testing a new preventive really magnified my depressive tendencies (known side effect).  

I guess PMS is also semi likely, I think this is about the right time of the month.  But I think it’s in combination with being too easily triggered.  SIL said that her periods stopped but she still got the emotional effects like clockwork.  Insert rant here about the insanely crappy design of the female reproductive system 

[gs11rmb]

Dec 13, 2023 8:42:23 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

has anyone ever ordered from SHEIN? I need some new swimsuits, and a few friends have pointed me here. it just feels like it's another zulily or similar. cheap stuff, coming from China

My 15 year old has ordered from Shein.  Took a while to arrive and was very cheaply made.  I've also found that many Chinese companies make clothing based on Asian bodies (which makes sense!) but that doesn't work out so well for Western women.  I'm 5'6" and wear a 6-8 depending on the cut and ordered extra large leggings and could barely get them over my thighs.  So my take is that Shein is great for teen girls.

[lurkyloo]

Dec 13, 2023 7:36:58 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Dec 12, 2023 19:10:40 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

No I'm not entitled to a break or even a lunch hour in Nebraska so she can tell me I'm not allowed to sit down.

Yes her and the director can tell any hiring manager they don't feel I'm promotion material and that's that even if I meet all the job requirements for a role.

That was the most asinine thing I've ever heard. So if you have a crappy manager you're career is over.

It's some consolation that NONE of my coworkers agree with her and on top of all the other crap is damn near starting a riot

We'll see what happens with the three I applied for then go from there.

Cause I'm done being the lab scapegoat.

Struggling with my depression. This is not where I thought I would be at 40. I feel like something is wrong with me.

not that I didn't believe you, but I actually looked it up. for anyone else that's interested - NB DOL link - pdf download
that's completely insane to me that you aren't required to be allowed a break. 

as far as the rest, you've been applying to places. so you already know this one is toxic. it may be in different ways than previous places, but it's still toxic. there's also nothing that says you have to list her as a reference anywhere, too. it sounds like you have a lot of other solid options for that here. 

big hugs coming your way. 

That’s barbaric.  Are they even required to let you take bathroom breaks?  

Wishing you a new and better job soon, Drama 

[azucena]

Dec 13, 2023 9:21:43 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Dec 12, 2023 19:51:35 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I am so with you on the unreasonably PO'd.  I think its progress that I know its unreasonable.  But I wish I could pinpoint a cause.  I'm a little worried that its PMS that I'll just never be able to determine.  I guess I could mark the calendar PO'd and see if there's a pattern.  

Pretty sure I really ought to be on antidepressants or something to level some of this out, but I’m afraid to try any more since they’ve all caused migraines so far.     Conversely I think the five days of testing a new preventive really magnified my depressive tendencies (known side effect).  

I guess PMS is also semi likely, I think this is about the right time of the month.  SIL said that her periods stopped but she still got the emotional effects like clockwork.  Insert rant here about the insanely crappy design of the female reproductive system 

FWIW, there are genetic tests to help narrow down the category of antidepressants that might work better for each person. Not covered by insurance but I thought the $300ish was worth it.

Sorry to hear about the migraines. Those are the worst.

Beefing up Vitamin D esp in the winter has helped even out my mood. Worth a try.

[chiver78]

Dec 13, 2023 9:21:51 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Dec 13, 2023 8:42:23 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

has anyone ever ordered from SHEIN? I need some new swimsuits, and a few friends have pointed me here. it just feels like it's another zulily or similar. cheap stuff, coming from China

My 15 year old has ordered from Shein.  Took a while to arrive and was very cheaply made.  I've also found that many Chinese companies make clothing based on Asian bodies (which makes sense!) but that doesn't work out so well for Western women.  I'm 5'6" and wear a 6-8 depending on the cut and ordered extra large leggings and could barely get them over my thighs.  So my take is that Shein is great for teen girls.

see, this is what I thought of the site after hearing from other folks. but the lady that sent me a bunch of cute suits last night that got me to look here is also a size 16 like I am. and she's always got cute suits. 

she said the return policy is pretty solid, so I figured I'd give it a shot this time. I ordered 9 suits (a few in 2 different sizes) for ~$120. I expect to be returning at least half of them, so we'll see how it goes! 

[bookkeeper]

Dec 13, 2023 8:42:23 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

has anyone ever ordered from SHEIN? I need some new swimsuits, and a few friends have pointed me here. it just feels like it's another zulily or similar. cheap stuff, coming from China

I live on a river and own a hot tub.  I go through a lot of swimsuits, so I don't spend much on them.

Kohls had a really good sale on swimsuits at the end of the season.  I ordered 6 new bottoms for around $5 or $6 each.  The quality was not high end, but good for the price.  Check the clearance tab and see what is in your size.  For me, it was easy to return what didn't fit.

[raeoflyte]

Dec 13, 2023 0:39:54 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Tonight after skating she came by and said where is dinner? I said fish I have but cold french fries wouldn't be good, so than he has fish?? But she would only let him have a bell pepper with them, he didn't like cole slaw.  She wouldn't let him have milk or the brown bread or apple juice. She made him drink tea, I told her there is no nutrition in tea.  She said she was doing this for a short time to see if it helped his ADHD. I guess she has son convinced she is doing good or something. She listens to her russian friends come up with all this stuff about how bad American food is. Yes, you eat fast food all the time and don't have fruits and veggies and a balanced diet it sure can be. I told her she really needs to have his doctor advise on this. She said American doctors are only after money nothing else. She has herself convinced that any medication is bad and I'm sure that food will do it. I am worried to death about him, he doesn't have an ounce of fat to lose. 

I heard him ask for something and she got on him in Russian. I just told her there are a lot of good foods here and also gluten free foods he can eat. She said she was getting him lactose milk tomorrow. 

Before he left, he came in and I wrapped him up in my arms, he said quietly, grandma I wish I could stay here with you. I told him I know but that he needed to go home so he could go to school tomorrow. She keeps this up he is really going to start rebelling. And I can see him hiding food next. He had a couple of korean treats in his backpack yesterday and he told me that was his emergency supply.  I hope he does see a psychiatrist if he starts talking they may not like what they hear. I do think she means well and is just very 
misdirected. I said before once she gets with some russian friends she seems to go off on a tangent. Now everything American is bad, well if it was so great there how come she had to leave with not much more than the clothes on her back. I hope she does visit for 2 months this summer, may take some of that rosy look off things. She is going to go to doctors over there because its cheaper and quicker, she hasn't been back in 10 years and is now an American citizen, she may be in for a rude awakening, I just hope he comes back.  If it were left up to me I would move up here right now and stay. Financially we need to sell that house first and that takes time. Hubs is looking for a trailer to put most of his tools in for about $8k, he doesn't want to pay $15 and I don't blame him. I am concerned about him and grandson plus DD. I am letting this stress me. Like everything else she does I hope she doesn't stick with it long. Little guy may not be allowed over here this weekend, would not surprise me. He is going to want to eat and probably all kinds of stuff and I will be told not to let him if he comes, I think. What do I do? I would probably have him go back home as I can't do that to him

From what I have read and they repeat it over and over there is no evidence these diets help.

You didn't ask for advice, but I keep thinking about it, so I'm going to share mine.  Please know I want the best for you.   

I get why you're frustrated, but especially since you're still intent on moving up there to be close to grandson you really have to embrace the rollercoaster.  Ask her what foods she wants him to eat.  Ask to go grocery shopping with her.  You keep saying a sandwich here, and a can of such and such here won't hurt him - and I agree, but you want to be there all the time.  You want him at your home multiple times a week.  At that point foods at your house aren't a treat.  And even before you've moved up there - she's told you what she wants/expects and you really just have to find a way to jump through that hoop.  (When my kids were little I wanted the easy foods like hot dogs and mac & cheese to be limited and I wanted them to make my life easier.  I didn't want it wasted on school lunch or dinner with the babysitter meaning that I have to cook real food even more often the rest of the week.) 

Find recipes to make with what she has ok'd.  Reserve your judgments for son and for serious concerns.  The bread she's on about is the nutritionist mecca, so she might be misguided, but she is also coming from a good place.  I also agree that growing kids are hungry, but you haven't mentioned any sensory issues and he's getting old enough that when he's hungry he'll the eat sprouted bread and be just fine.  

I know you're not arguing with her which is good, but I would take it one step further and just ask questions.  Don't even give an opinion, just ask her what she thinks, how its working, where she read, etc. and then respond neutrally if you're asked (but most people won't ask).   

Oh ETA - and anything you can find - compliment on her parenting.  Societally being a mom of young kids is or at least can be isolating and most of us focus on what we're doing wrong.  One thing I definitely noticed my parents did would be to tell me how good the kids were at their house, and they definitely weren't over the top about it, but they'd tell me I was doing a good job.  --

I'm not saying be a doormat.  Have boundaries and stick to them before you get super mad at her and have a blow up type argument.  Stick to your boundaries even if it means not seeing your grandson for a weekend or a week, or whatever it is.  Like you said last night you're not going to invite them over for dinner anymore to be blown off.  Absolutely.  It might be better to have some of that before you move up there so you can see how you navigate that and if you still want to be there.  It could be heartbreaking to move up there - and then still be lonely because of fighting with dil and limited contact with your family.  So make sure you have other things to move there for too - if possible.  Or at least go into it knowing that this is just who dil is.  Are you going to be happier being up there enmeshed in it?  

[Opti]

Dec 13, 2023 9:27:33 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Dec 13, 2023 7:36:58 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

not that I didn't believe you, but I actually looked it up. for anyone else that's interested - NB DOL link - pdf download
that's completely insane to me that you aren't required to be allowed a break. 

as far as the rest, you've been applying to places. so you already know this one is toxic. it may be in different ways than previous places, but it's still toxic. there's also nothing that says you have to list her as a reference anywhere, too. it sounds like you have a lot of other solid options for that here. 

big hugs coming your way. 

That’s barbaric.  Are they even required to let you take bathroom breaks?  

Wishing you a new and better job soon, Drama 

Sounds close to my work life at the healthcare facility. Id be interested in the bathroom break answer as well. My current job is much better on that front. I can take more breaks if its one of those days, i.e. colon is unhappy etc. without too much grief. The other place I think one or more FTers chose to wear adult diapers due to the policies. 

[daisylu]

Walked out to a used condom and an empty miniature next to my rental car this morning. 

[lurkyloo]

Dec 13, 2023 9:31:17 GMT -5 azucena said:

Dec 13, 2023 9:21:43 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Pretty sure I really ought to be on antidepressants or something to level some of this out, but I’m afraid to try any more since they’ve all caused migraines so far.     Conversely I think the five days of testing a new preventive really magnified my depressive tendencies (known side effect).  

I guess PMS is also semi likely, I think this is about the right time of the month.  SIL said that her periods stopped but she still got the emotional effects like clockwork.  Insert rant here about the insanely crappy design of the female reproductive system 

FWIW, there are genetic tests to help narrow down the category of antidepressants that might work better for each person. Not covered by insurance but I thought the $300ish was worth it.

Sorry to hear about the migraines. Those are the worst.

Beefing up Vitamin D esp in the winter has helped even out my mood. Worth a try.

The problem isn’t efficacy of depression treatment, it’s the side effects.  Zoloft for example worked for me in grad school but now causes ongoing migraines    

Vitamins in general are a good idea, my diet is absolutely terrible.  

[swamp]

Dec 13, 2023 8:42:23 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

has anyone ever ordered from SHEIN? I need some new swimsuits, and a few friends have pointed me here. it just feels like it's another zulily or similar. cheap stuff, coming from China

DD has, mostly jewelry. 

It's cheap shit from China. 

[swamp]

Dec 13, 2023 9:47:26 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Walked out to a used condom and an empty miniature next to my rental car this morning. 

Someone had a good night. 

I'm sorry it wasn't you. 

[chiver78]

Dec 13, 2023 9:39:51 GMT -5 bookkeeper said:

Dec 13, 2023 8:42:23 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

has anyone ever ordered from SHEIN? I need some new swimsuits, and a few friends have pointed me here. it just feels like it's another zulily or similar. cheap stuff, coming from China

I live on a river and own a hot tub.  I go through a lot of swimsuits, so I don't spend much on them.

Kohls had a really good sale on swimsuits at the end of the season.  I ordered 6 new bottoms for around $5 or $6 each.  The quality was not high end, but good for the price.  Check the clearance tab and see what is in your size.  For me, it was easy to return what didn't fit.

I live at the beach, and travel to warm places for music festivals often.  I should have retired the couple of suits I have left, a long time ago. it took a particularly obnoxious episode of having to hold my top up on a cruise excursion a couple years ago to get me to retire that basic black bandeau tankini top.    I actually left it in the trash in my cabin while packing up to head home.   I had so many suits, bought around the same time, that it wasn't all that noticeable that they were 10+ years old, until the elastics gave out. partly time, partly me gaining weight. but I have no idea what size I need or want right now. all of my suits were the same bandeau top tankini in various colors/patterns from the Mossimo line at Target. how long has that one been gone? lol... 

you say Kohl's, are you shopping online? b/c the clearance racks in the stores make me twitchy for how overwhelming it all is.

all I know is that I need at least one suit for next month and then a cruise and week in FL in Apr/May (I will have laundry available). I'm okay with cheaper quality, as long as the price is appropriate. I'll be one of those New Year's Resolution folks in 2024, but I won't be this size forever. 2023 went sideways with a pair of pup surgeries and work not respecting the blocks in my calendar and double booking the midday. I'm reasserting my boundaries in the new year, I've gotten better about it since making the decision to take Wednesdays off through the EOY so I don't give back time. 

sorry for the novella there. 

[Cookies Galore]

Dec 13, 2023 8:42:23 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

has anyone ever ordered from SHEIN? I need some new swimsuits, and a few friends have pointed me here. it just feels like it's another zulily or similar. cheap stuff, coming from China

It's cheap and they steal designs from small independent designers.

[giramomma]

Dec 13, 2023 9:47:26 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Walked out to a used condom and an empty miniature next to my rental car this morning. 

For cub scouts, the kids had to do a volunteer project. Super hard to find things that 10 year olds could do.

So, we cleaned up a dog park.

One kid found a pair of women's undies near some beverage cans.

I wasn't there. DH took a picture, which we still have.

[chiver78]

Dec 13, 2023 10:21:24 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Dec 13, 2023 8:42:23 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

has anyone ever ordered from SHEIN? I need some new swimsuits, and a few friends have pointed me here. it just feels like it's another zulily or similar. cheap stuff, coming from China

It's cheap and they steal designs from small independent designers.

ugh, gross. well, now I know, and unless something absolutely wows me*, it's all going back. and I won't order again. 

*I'm not in a good head space, with a really shitty body image at the moment. if something blows me away from this order, I'm keeping it for the ego boost I need rn. 

[chiver78]

Dec 13, 2023 10:23:34 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Dec 13, 2023 9:47:26 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Walked out to a used condom and an empty miniature next to my rental car this morning. 

For cub scouts, the kids had to do a volunteer project. Super hard to find things that 10 year olds could do.

So, we cleaned up a dog park.

One kid found a pair of women's undies near some beverage cans.

I wasn't there. DH took a picture, which we still have.

in a dog park??     I get that the pea gravel is easy on the feet and somewhat fluid in a bulk movement like a waterbed or fluffy sand would be, but ick. 

[giramomma]

From my perspective, countrygirl2

Yes, your grandkid needs you to be a safe space. I wish I had a safe space growing up. It would have made a difference.

Don't assume grandson is going to rebel. I didn't rebel. At least in any typical way,

I did self-injure though. That just got lumped into all the other things that we just hid behind the curtain and let no one see.

And I always just assumed there was something wrong with me. (I deleted the other post...so apologies for those that find that statement redundant.)

I think Rae is more optimistic than I am. My experience with my mom is that she changes the narrative/moves the needle so much that even asking for input, asking to go shopping won't work. If mom's narrative changes in her head, yes, she will absolutely argue that the healthy bread she bought and wanted., now she doesn't want, and it was my fault that it she bought it because I went shopping with her. And, now, I've wasted mom's money. Which is a big deal, since she's poor.

I also think kids are smart.

My inlaws watched the missy one day a week for a couple of years. So, by Rae's metrics, a regular occurrence. When the missy was 3, she absolutely understood that the ice cream bar that grandma and grandpa gave her after nap time was a grandma and grandpa treat. Even if it happened weekly (which, it did happen weekly for 9 months a year).  She also knew that the rules were different at home. Again, at 3/4 the missy would not try to bargain with us. "I  won't take a nap unless I get an ice cream treat like I do at grandma's."  She didn't whine that we didn't have treats like that or expect that we always should have treats like at grandma and grandpa. 

The missy knew what happened at grandma's, stays at grandmas.

[giramomma]

Dec 13, 2023 10:27:38 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Dec 13, 2023 10:23:34 GMT -5 giramomma said:

For cub scouts, the kids had to do a volunteer project. Super hard to find things that 10 year olds could do.

So, we cleaned up a dog park.

One kid found a pair of women's undies near some beverage cans.

I wasn't there. DH took a picture, which we still have.

in a dog park??     I get that the pea gravel is easy on the feet and somewhat fluid in a bulk movement like a waterbed or fluffy sand would be, but ick. 

Yes a dog park. Not my cup of tea. 

Made for a good story, though.

[raeoflyte]

Dec 13, 2023 10:45:49 GMT -5 giramomma said:

From my perspective, countrygirl2

Yes, your grandkid needs you to be a safe space. I wish I had a safe space growing up. It would have made a difference.

Don't assume grandson is going to rebel. I didn't rebel. At least in any typical way,

I did self-injure though. That just got lumped into all the other things that we just hid behind the curtain and let no one see.

And I always just assumed there was something wrong with me. (I deleted the other post...so apologies for those that find that statement redundant.)

I think Rae is more optimistic than I am. My experience with my mom is that she changes the narrative/moves the needle so much that even asking for input, asking to go shopping won't work. If mom's narrative changes in her head, yes, she will absolutely argue that the healthy bread she bought and wanted., now she doesn't want, and it was my fault that it she bought it because I went shopping with her. And, now, I've wasted mom's money. Which is a big deal, since she's poor.

I also think kids are smart.

My inlaws watched the missy one day a week for a couple of years. So, by Rae's metrics, a regular occurrence. When the missy was 3, she absolutely understood that the ice cream bar that grandma and grandpa gave her after nap time was a grandma and grandpa treat. Even if it happened weekly (which, it did happen weekly for 9 months a year).  She also knew that the rules were different at home. Again, at 3/4 the missy would not try to bargain with us. "I  won't take a nap unless I get an ice cream treat like I do at grandma's."  She didn't whine that we didn't have treats like that or expect that we always should have treats like at grandma and grandpa. 

The missy knew what happened at grandma's, stays at grandmas.

 I'm approaching it from the idea that CG isn't going to change DIL.  So accept the rules you can to keep the peace and access to grandson and walk away on the ones you can't.  

I'm not arguing that I agree with DIL's food choices.   

[lurkyloo]

Lands End sometimes has good swimsuit sales this time of year.  I think their free shipping minimum is kinda steep but you might be able to get around that with Kohls?  I want to say there are occasionally other free shipping codes/deals but can’t guarantee you wouldn’t have just missed them.

I like the separates that still cover the tummy and they’ve had a decent selection.

[TheOtherMe]

I'm excited this morning.  I get to do grocery pick and then my fresh meals pick up.  The latter is the one I am really looking forward to since I don't remember what I bought.

I bought a salad last time with kale and chickpeas.  I didn't like it and won't order that again.

[Cookies Galore]

Dec 13, 2023 10:23:34 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Dec 13, 2023 9:47:26 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Walked out to a used condom and an empty miniature next to my rental car this morning. 

For cub scouts, the kids had to do a volunteer project. Super hard to find things that 10 year olds could do.

So, we cleaned up a dog park.

One kid found a pair of women's undies near some beverage cans.

I wasn't there. DH took a picture, which we still have.

I run my town clean up days. You'd be surprised at the amount of undergarments found. Or maybe you wouldn't be surprised. Also found a dildo in the road. 😂

[Cookies Galore]

Dec 13, 2023 10:26:14 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Dec 13, 2023 10:21:24 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

It's cheap and they steal designs from small independent designers.

ugh, gross. well, now I know, and unless something absolutely wows me*, it's all going back. and I won't order again. 

*I'm not in a good head space, with a really shitty body image at the moment. if something blows me away from this order, I'm keeping it for the ego boost I need rn. 

Totally get it. Our brains are our own worst enemy. I don't think Target has suits in stores until February (gotta get all those spring breakers) but I have a lot of luck with their tankinis and one pieces. I never thought I'd be a one piece person but I found my perfect cut thanks to Target.