what are you doing right now?

[giramomma]

Dec 6, 2023 22:39:14 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Dec 6, 2023 22:15:15 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I'd be more worried about HR siding with the boss.

HR is not the friend of folks that are low on the totem pole. They will side with supervisors/bosses.

True, but part of their job is to keep the company out of lawsuits. Smart ones won’t let a supervisor put the company at risk. If the supervisor is already yelling at her and it's already clear this is not long term employment, start your paper trail.

This is also the public sector.

Rules are different than the private sector.

[minnesotapaintlady]

I think I'm getting a cold again.  I am not pleased.  I just got over one a few weeks ago.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Okay...here's what happened 
We meet every Wednesday (normal procedure; check-in; non-urgent topics)
Remember that on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, she wrote me up for "not following her expectations" and wrote me a letter of deficiency. In the letter of deficiency, she has a random list of situations we've had in the last month that she is concerned about. She has never discussed any of these situations with me. In her letter conclusion, one of the things she wrote has the phrase that I am "not making competent decisions". At the time I asked to discuss what was on the list. She refused to discuss what she wrote. She said we'd revisit it in January. 


Today,
She came in to the conference room, opened her computer to the notes page we've been using for this school year. 
She had only put one topic on it. I hadn't put anything on it. I did have some questions in my head. 
She asked what I was doing for The Topic. (It has to do with evaluation of employees; it is not required if I don't think it's necessary. I've brought up The Topic consistently since last spring)
I said "Well, what would you like to be my next step to be?" 
She said: "It's completely your decision". 
In a neutral voice I said: "One of the things you've told me is that I'm not making good decisions, is this an area you're concerned about my decisions?"
She snapped at me " I cannot believe you'd bring that up!" 
I started to say "I'm trying to make improvements"
I don't know how much of that sentence I got out when 
she yelled "You are so unprofessional. I cannot even have this conversation with you without HR Director here." 
I remained in my seat and said quietly: "Boss's Name, I don't understand why we cannot talk about this"
she packed up her stuff and said again something like "I can't believe you've responded like this, I'm leaving!" 
And she stormed out. 
I just sat there until I could get up. 

She emailed about 30 minutes later: 
Chloe: 
During at least two administrator meetings in recent weeks, we have discused the importance of The Topic being delivered prior to winter break or the week after. 
This morning I inquired where you were with The Topic. You have had concerns for quite some time. You told me you weren't sure what to do because I had stated to you that you dod not have good judgement. 

If you believe The Topic needs to be done, please complete it in the allowed timelines. 



I am honestly so confused and frustrated. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Dec 6, 2023 22:15:15 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Dec 6, 2023 22:03:07 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Do so in writing, an email, and cc yourself. The company probably won't do anything but if you decide to sue you will have proof the company was aware of the behaviour.

I'd be more worried about HR siding with the boss.

HR is not the friend of folks that are low on the totem pole. They will side with supervisors/bosses.

This is exactly what I'm worried about. No good comes of me reporting this. DH and I are discussing getting a lawyer just to be proactive. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Dec 6, 2023 22:39:14 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Dec 6, 2023 22:15:15 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I'd be more worried about HR siding with the boss.

HR is not the friend of folks that are low on the totem pole. They will side with supervisors/bosses.

True, but part of their job is to keep the company out of lawsuits. Smart ones won’t let a supervisor put the company at risk. If the supervisor is already yelling at her and it's already clear this is not long term employment, start your paper trail.

I am starting the paper trail and documenting everything. 
Right now my goal is to make it through the school year without causing a scene. 
Today was step backward from that goal. 

[Pink Cashmere]

While I was just cleaning the kitchen, YD popped up. I guess she is home for winter break? Idk. Nobody tells me anything.

But that’s fine. Winter break is not long enough for me to insist she get a job or do something else productive with her time, but it is long enough for me to make it clear that if she is here all day every day, she can contribute to housekeeping where she lays her head. In my mind, good guests should try not to make unnecessary work for the people that live in the home, and adult residents should pay where they stay and contribute to the household, even if it’s not with money.

For starters, YD and Mister can fight it out about who cleans the nasty ass hall bathroom. It has to be clean before I invite my children over here during the holidays. Even if my children and grandchildren don’t come over, that bathroom needs to be cleaned. Like I’ve said before, that is the bathroom my children and grandchildren shower in when they are here, and while I will make sure that bathroom is clean after they use it, which is never a problem because they try to be good guests, I’m not gonna clean the filth beforehand, to make it decent enough for them to use it. I’ve done that before, and even just had my Grandbabies shower in my bathroom instead, but this time, imma insist the hall bathroom get cleaned up. The last time Mister and YD had a knockout drag down fight about that bathroom being so nasty, she tried to use the excuse that my folks use that bathroom too, even though it had been over a month since any of my folks had been here.

It’s been several months again, since my folks have been here and used that bathroom, so they are not a good excuse for why it’s so nasty this time either. The last time my family spent the night here, was around the 4th of July. So the current nasty state of that bathroom has nothing to do with my folks.

I don’t know how this shit is going to go. What I do know, is that I am more willing to speak on and stand firm in what I need and expect from folks in my household. Mister can get mad, YD can get mad, OD can run to try to defend YD or whatever she wants to do, but at the end of the day, my requirements will still be that I expect my household to function a certain way and be reasonably clean, without me playing the maid and cleaning up behind people that are capable of cleaning up behind themselves. 

And if Mister has a problem with me insisting he and his children not be slobs and continue turning what is a really nice house, into a dirty, nasty, fucking dumpster, that says more about him than it says about me. 

When he got aggravated because I was pissed about the sofa, he said maybe he and Boy should just move into a condo. I said shiiiit, I can move into a condo instead, because at least it will be clean. That offended him too, because he said that I just want to fuss lol.

[giramomma]

I'm so sorry Chloe. That's eerily similar to what I went through with my supervisor.

I was advised to just get out. 

Are you seeing a therapist? 

What I realized, too, is that the situation brought me right back to the trauma I experienced with my parents. Work was always my safe space. So that was extra to work through.

And also, realize that your boss is likely talking to HR already. Which means, HR will not help you. Documenting will not help you.

Do you have union support?

[chiver78]

Dec 6, 2023 21:07:54 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Dec 6, 2023 18:49:21 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I pulled out the laptop to check my schedule for Friday to give time options to a recruiter, and made the mistake of looking at my email for a hot second. I'm already over what tomorrow's going to be for me.      my boss still hasn't sent the unofficial "you haven't been coming to the office" email that is a prelude to the official HR one, but I feel like I'm probably still better off to move on. I'm not bringing LD back to daycare til after the holidays, but even if I found another job tomorrow, I wouldn't be starting til then anyway. hell, this spot, I interviewed around this date, and we couldn't get the HR paperwork done by holiday shutdown, so I had to wait to quit the train wreck til after the new year. that all sucked and was hella stressful. 

Apply for places around here so I can corrupt you when you show your face at work a couple of times a year. 👹

lol....I def need to come visit.i don't think I could live there, though. zero chance of salt air that far inland 😕

[taz157]

I’m going to a hockey game tomorrow night and it’s a work outing. I was told to dress warm and wear jeans. I have my winter coat ready. The arena has a no bag policy so I’ll use my runner-type waist pack. Anything in particular I should or shouldn’t wear?

[weltz]

Dec 6, 2023 20:08:35 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Dec 6, 2023 19:54:53 GMT -5 weltz said:

I love hard boiled eggs.  Maybe I'll boil a dozen and dye them red and green for Christmas!  

Who said dyed eggs are only for Easter?

I love boiled eggs too. However, I am not willing to schlep eggs halfway across the world. That is an 11 hour flight I am facing next week.

On a positive note I just realized that by the time I come back the days will have started to lengthen and it won't be quite as dark at this time of the year.

Why would you schlep MY dyed eggs halfway across the world?
I said *I* was thinking of doing that.

[Peace77]

Dec 6, 2023 23:55:13 GMT -5 taz157 said:

I’m going to a hockey game tomorrow night and it’s a work outing. I was told to dress warm and wear jeans. I have my winter coat ready. The arena has a no bag policy so I’ll use my runner-type waist pack. Anything in particular I should or shouldn’t wear?

Can you bring a stadium cushion seat or blanket so you aren’t sitting on an ice cold seat?

I find corduroy pants warmer than jeans.

[NastyWoman]

Dec 7, 2023 0:20:13 GMT -5 weltz said:

Dec 6, 2023 20:08:35 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

I love boiled eggs too. However, I am not willing to schlep eggs halfway across the world. That is an 11 hour flight I am facing next week.

On a positive note I just realized that by the time I come back the days will have started to lengthen and it won't be quite as dark at this time of the year.

Why would you schlep MY dyed eggs halfway across the world?
I said *I* was thinking of doing that.

LOL! 

[Peace77]

Dec 6, 2023 14:15:22 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Question to the cooks on this site: I have too many eggs to use up before I leave for Europe next week. So I ask Google if you can freeze eggs and according to several sites (Good Housekeeping, egglandsbest) you can if you slightly scramble them first. 

Has anyone here done this before and how where the eggs after they are defrosted? Scrambling obviously rules out my favorite method of preparing eggs (boiling) but do they still taste okay in an omelet or something or should I not even do the work required and just pitch the eggs?

You can make frittata or omelette mixtures and freeze in lightly greased muffin or mini muffin tin pans.  You could also make French toast and freeze for later.

You could boil an egg or two and bring for snacks on your trip seeing as how the airlines don’t provide any decent food anymore.

[laterbloomer]

Dec 6, 2023 23:17:07 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Dec 6, 2023 22:15:15 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I'd be more worried about HR siding with the boss.

HR is not the friend of folks that are low on the totem pole. They will side with supervisors/bosses.

This is exactly what I'm worried about. No good comes of me reporting this. DH and I are discussing getting a lawyer just to be proactive. 

I don't know all the ins and outs of your situation and I really sympathize with you. All I will add is that you consider if reporting to HR can cause any more harm. It sounds like the boss already has a hate on for you and from that email she sent, she's creating her documented evidence. And she is blocking you from documenting your side. Good luck with it.

[laterbloomer]

Dec 6, 2023 23:21:05 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Dec 6, 2023 22:39:14 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

True, but part of their job is to keep the company out of lawsuits. Smart ones won’t let a supervisor put the company at risk. If the supervisor is already yelling at her and it's already clear this is not long term employment, start your paper trail.

I am starting the paper trail and documenting everything. 
Right now my goal is to make it through the school year without causing a scene. 
Today was step backward from that goal. 

From what you said you did not cause a scene. You are being set up.

[finnime]

Good morning, engaged invisipeeps, battling difficult bosses and workplaces, contrary children and unruly dogs. I hope your Thursday is stressless and that problems with others show evidence of resolution. And that you get to take time off as earned and deserved.

I'd do the wine pairings, too, soupandstew.

I'm sorry, Knee Deep in Water Chloe. I think that laterbloomer is right; your supervisor is already engaged in a strategy to document and get you gone. That really sucks.

We got snow! yesterday. While Franklin the Best Dog in the World and I were at the beach before dawn a mist was forming in the east of the bay that deepened and in time became precipitation. First snow is great to see and feel. As you can see, Franklin is so black that the snow showed well on his fur. Here he is in Christmas attire:

[bean29]

Dammit, I missed the enrollment deadline for DH’s Benes. I had him give me a code to get in, then backed out too far and was locked out. I was going to opt into deferred compensation. The rest of stuff we want rolls over. I put him in deferred comp years ago and he took himself out. He was on board now though. Just hadn’t decided on amount. I was thinking 10%.

Getting up to walk dogs, have to get back to work. Still a bit to finish today. Call with the accounting firm at 10 am.

Tomorrow I will talk to T-mobile and get the new phone 100% working or send it back.

[ners]

Going to be a long day.  Another night of tossing and turning.

[wvugurl26]

taz157 take gloves to the game. Depending on where you are in the arena it might not be so cold. I froze watching friends kids games but we were much closer to the ice than in a normal arena.

[Opti]

Dec 7, 2023 6:40:41 GMT -5 ners said:

Going to be a long day.  Another night of tossing and turning.

Sorry to read that. I think I am turning the corner, but I really need to Neti Pot today for my sinuses.

[Opti]

This health conglomerate my doctor is in has a big learning curve. 
I need breakfast before I can work this. And its not actually my PCP with my doctor's note.
Its doctor #3. 

[taz157]

Dec 7, 2023 7:49:32 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

taz157 take gloves to the game. Depending on where you are in the arena it might not be so cold. I froze watching friends kids games but we were much closer to the ice than in a normal arena.

I’ve got gloves! We are on the upper sections so I’ve been told it shouldn’t be as cold. Thanks!

[daisylu]

Dec 6, 2023 20:30:13 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Had my weekly meeting with my boss. Made it 90 seconds before she yelled at me and told me I was unprofessional.

Very unprofessional. I understand that you are trying to make it through the school year, but it may be time to escalate. 

[raeoflyte]

Chloe - do you have to stay the school year?

[wvugurl26]

The upper sections will be warmer. We also spent 10 minutes standing by the ice talking to a friend. I could see my breath. I just didn't think about it being so cold. I think the last time we saw these kids play was pre covid.

I will be packing accordingly when we see them late January. It also wasn't cold enough outside then that I would have had hat or gloves in the car.

I need to get moving on my list today. I need to pack and get the Christmas tree at least in place.

I also think I'm going to give the Trans Siberian Orchestra tickets to our nephew. I really don't want to but DH's work screwed us by making his Christmas party a week later than the save the date they got. Apparently nephew really wants to go but I didn't know this when we bought tickets.

I've seen them several times and this is a hard year for me to give up fun stuff but I just know by Friday night, DH will be miserable and it will not be pleasant.

[soupandstew]

finnime  DH and I love Franklin's bow tie - very elegant for holiday attire

[azucena]

Dec 7, 2023 8:47:36 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

The upper sections will be warmer. We also spent 10 minutes standing by the ice talking to a friend. I could see my breath. I just didn't think about it being so cold. I think the last time we saw these kids play was pre covid.

I will be packing accordingly when we see them late January. It also wasn't cold enough outside then that I would have had hat or gloves in the car.

I need to get moving on my list today. I need to pack and get the Christmas tree at least in place.

I also think I'm going to give the Trans Siberian Orchestra tickets to our nephew. I really don't want to but DH's work screwed us by making his Christmas party a week later than the save the date they got. Apparently nephew really wants to go but I didn't know this when we bought tickets.

I've seen them several times and this is a hard year for me to give up fun stuff but I just know by Friday night, DH will be miserable and it will not be pleasant.

You can't go with nephew? Time together is also a gift.

[gs11rmb]

Dec 6, 2023 23:17:07 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Dec 6, 2023 22:15:15 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I'd be more worried about HR siding with the boss.

HR is not the friend of folks that are low on the totem pole. They will side with supervisors/bosses.

This is exactly what I'm worried about. No good comes of me reporting this. DH and I are discussing getting a lawyer just to be proactive. 

Don't wait.  I think you should contact a lawyer now.  All states are different but I'd want to find out if you can legally record your conversations without the supervisor's knowledge.  If you can't, are any of your meetings virtual so that the actual content can be documented?

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I’m taking two hours of sick time this morning and will get to work at 9:30. I just cannot get myself going this morning. So much dread. I don’t want to be unkind to anyone because of my stress about my boss.

[soupandstew]

Dec 7, 2023 9:29:52 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I’m taking two hours of sick time this morning and will get to work at 9:30. I just cannot get myself going this morning. So much dread. I don’t want to be unkind to anyone because of my stress about my boss.

I am very sorry you are having to go through this - I hope today will be better for you.