what are you doing right now?

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 13, 2023 23:47:35 GMT -5 busymom said:

You're nicer than I am, Pink Cashmere .  I would've asked him if his girls are "gold-diggers-in-training", based on the stories you've told us how they don't call until they want something...  

I haven’t asked him that question, but I HAVE asked him years ago, if in his mind, he was the kind of man to me, that he would want his daughters to have. 

But I get what you are saying, about what he is teaching his daughters by indulging them when they seem to only be interested in him when they want something.

And to be fair, YD is mostly the one that does that. OD does call and chat with him often, just because. When she isn’t upset with him. But they pretty much interact like he did with his Mom, talking and chatting regularly, just to shoot the shit, or talk about real life stuff. 

YD still mostly only contacts him when she wants something.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 14, 2023 0:10:52 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Nov 13, 2023 19:04:56 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

If or when I walk away, the only things I would want to take with me from this time living with him, is my Jeep, my clothes, and my important papers. I would rather destroy the things I can prove I paid for with my own money (which is a lot) so that he can’t use them and they are no longer part of his nice, comfy home, than take them with me. Imo, a fresh start is just that, and does not include dragging literal baggage along, in search of a new life.

I get your sense of humor on this, and I am good with it. I am just saying that I would rather walk away with nothing but my clothes, than take anything that would be a constant reminder of my time with him. Except my Jeep lol.

What about the dogs?

Mister and Boy are so in love with each other that me trying to take Boy is one thing that I know would not go well for me. And because I know the extraordinary love goes both ways and Boy loves Mister so much, I wouldn’t even try to separate them and take Boy with me. Even if I didn’t give a shit about Mister, it would be cruel to Boy to try to take him from Mister.

Newbie, she is weird and very nonchalant. I can’t even say for sure that she has really bonded with either of us. She seems to enjoy cuddles and affection, but she seems to be okay without it too. Most, of the time, you would never even know she’s in the house, even if we have guests or someone working inside the house. She really only is lively when she is outside the fence, in the backyard. 

I would take her with me, if I have a safe outdoor space for her to enjoy. My house, if I land there, has a nice size, fenced in back yard. Plenty of room for her to run around since she prefers being outside.

[NastyWoman]

Nov 13, 2023 23:44:57 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Nov 13, 2023 16:25:56 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I think I use to call him “my sweetie”. I don’t remember why I started calling him Mister, it could be because of what you remember, but I kept calling him Mister even when things were fine, so I don’t mean it in a negative way. 

There’s been a lot going on for over a year, but we mostly operated as a team while all of that was happening. It was very stressful because of stuff with his parents during that time, but Mister and I mostly got along okay.  Things didn’t really start getting tense between us until after his Dad died a couple months ago, in early September.

Thank you for your support.

I am glad you were able to replace the flapper on your toilet yourself. Do you know yet whether that fixed the problem?

You used to call him DF. You switched to Mister when his kids started the shenanigans. Would you like me to slap him and the girls? I will. I'll channel my inner Will Smith.

That is weak. I expect more from you andi9899 ! More like a Terminator lite (TL) or something - total destruction to be put off until it is clear that lite is not cutting it   Shelter will be given for a T-notso-L who needs a hiding place after the deed.

[msventoux]

Having hot food and beverage for the first time today. Power was out for 18 hours and it’s below freezing outside. Still very grateful for plow operators and linemen, but pissed off at the administration of both. A storm comes and they’re not ready for it, despite media warning everyone what was coming. Plow drivers are saying they can’t plow because power lines are down and fallen trees are in the roads.  Linemen say they can’t check the lines and fix them because the roads haven’t been plowed.  By the time they finally get their acts together the linemen that were originally called in had to leave for their mandatory rest break, and they’re scrambling to find alternate crews to take over. Which there are some in neighboring cities, but what a surprise, the roads haven’t been plowed so they can’t come. 

[finnime]

Good morning, you invisible founts of empathy and wisdom in Y Ma'am. Welcome to Tuesday. You made it safely past Monday and are going for the double! I hope this day brings you good news on which you can feast for the rest of the week. And that there's ice cream in the offing.

Today we lunch with ODB and DSis and discuss the Thanksgiving menu, and who should bring what. There will be 12 adults at least, maybe as many as 15, and 1 or 3 children. I'll be baking, I know, because I love that. I need to buy celery and onion for the stuffing. Butter and shortening for the pie crust; I have apples and pumpkin. I have some of these ingredients, but need a lot. We'll have dinner here and dessert next door at DD's house.

Before all that I need to work on my website some more and write, write, write. Plus clean the house. We have Stuff all over pertaining to photography and shows; there is a show this weekend we'll be at. 

It was the coldest day so far this season yesterday. Today is warmer, in the 30's. The sun rose yesterday with no clouds around. Brants gathered at the shore edge, paddling away.

[finnime]

Ouch, msventoux. Glad you got everything restored. It sounds like a real eff up.

[toomuchreality]

Nov 14, 2023 3:40:43 GMT -5 msventoux said:

Having hot food and beverage for the first time today. Power was out for 18 hours and it’s below freezing outside. Still very grateful for plow operators and linemen, but pissed off at the administration of both. A storm comes and they’re not ready for it, despite media warning everyone what was coming. Plow drivers are saying they can’t plow because power lines are down and fallen trees are in the roads.  Linemen say they can’t check the lines and fix them because the roads haven’t been plowed.  By the time they finally get their acts together the linemen that were originally called in had to leave for their mandatory rest break, and they’re scrambling to find alternate crews to take over. Which there are some in neighboring cities, but what a surprise, the roads haven’t been plowed so they can’t come. 

Ugh. This would make me crazy!
5 mins without power, makes me cra-cra, if I'm alone in the dark.
Glad it's back on, now and I assume plowed roads?

[raeoflyte]

Nov 14, 2023 3:40:43 GMT -5 msventoux said:

Having hot food and beverage for the first time today. Power was out for 18 hours and it’s below freezing outside. Still very grateful for plow operators and linemen, but pissed off at the administration of both. A storm comes and they’re not ready for it, despite media warning everyone what was coming. Plow drivers are saying they can’t plow because power lines are down and fallen trees are in the roads.  Linemen say they can’t check the lines and fix them because the roads haven’t been plowed.  By the time they finally get their acts together the linemen that were originally called in had to leave for their mandatory rest break, and they’re scrambling to find alternate crews to take over. Which there are some in neighboring cities, but what a surprise, the roads haven’t been plowed so they can’t come. 

Ugh

[daisylu]

Paycheck hit bank, December bills are paid, paycheck gone. Sigh.

(Savings come out before check hits checking account.)

[daisylu]

Fundraiser for baby Serenity is Saturday. I have 6 filled and decorated baskets completed. Had a bunch of Longaberger baskets that have just been collecting dust so in the effort of decluttering before we move forward on the laminate flooring through the rest of the house, I used those. Hopefully they will bring bigger money. Pics have been posted. MIL is doing some as well, which will be a surprise day of. 

Hope these links work.

Link to event : link
Link to pics: link

[chiver78]

I'm indulging my inner fat kid, and it's delish. lol...  pups had groomer appointments this morning, and I hit the drive-thru at McD's on the way home. I didn't have to cook it, and I don't have to share. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Nov 13, 2023 9:30:32 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Verizon has always been dh's hill to die on. But he's finally willing to look at other (cheaper!) Providers. Suggestions for family plans?

My suggestion is based simply on convenience and not on price (which is unusual for me     

I've had Sprint for over two decades. At one point, we had five lines. (There's an age gap between the middle of our four children. The oldest one rolled off before the youngest one was allowed to have a phone.) TMobile bought Sprint a couple of years ago. Everything has been as good if not better. However, the price may not be good. We have three lines, three iPhones, unlimited everything and it's $218/month. This included DD#2 going to Europe this summer and her phone still working and there was no extra cost. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Nov 13, 2023 13:52:43 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Made the grocery store trips.  Have everything we need for Thanksgiving besides what my sibling will be bringing. 

At my insistence, DH left work for an hour to purchase a turkey yesterday, but I've not gotten anything else. I should go tonight and get the non-perishables.  

[soupandstew]

Breakfast served and the plumber is on his way.  I have reviewed and commented on three internal policies and minutes of last night's meeting.  Plumber found a small additional leak so the bill goes up from $300 to $900.  Oh, the joy of an old house 

[daisylu]

Nov 14, 2023 10:22:49 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Breakfast served and the plumber is on his way.  I have reviewed and commented on three internal policies and minutes of last night's meeting.  Plumber found a small additional leak so the bill goes up from $300 to $900.  Oh, the joy of an old house  home ownership 

Fixed. 

[andi9899]

Nov 13, 2023 23:47:35 GMT -5 busymom said:

You're nicer than I am, Pink Cashmere.  I would've asked him if his girls are "gold-diggers-in-training", based on the stories you've told us how they don't call until they want something...  

For real! I think I would have decked him when he implied she was using him. His kids use him on a daily basis. So does his family. Oh hell no!

[andi9899]

Nov 14, 2023 0:26:49 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

Nov 14, 2023 0:20:34 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

LOL! No, Willete, don’t slap anyone yet. 

@andi, she said "yet". That means there's still hope, Willett. 🤣

That's all I need.

[andi9899]

Nov 14, 2023 8:15:20 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Paycheck hit bank, December bills are paid, paycheck gone. Sigh.

(Savings come out before check hits checking account.)

This will be me on Friday. I haven't told anyone, but I'm getting a small ($750) bonus too. That's going directly into my savings account. I'm also excited that December is a 3 paycheck month. I'm doing pretty well saving more money so far and want to keep it up as long as possible.

[countrygirl2]

I am concerned about hubs. I got up in the night to go to the bathroom. It looked like something was on the edge of the commode, so I turned on the light. There was blood on the rim and in the water. I asked him if he was having a problem he said no and went back to sleep. I asked him again this morning and he said not that I've noticed. I cleaned it, should have left it for him to see I guess. But he says no I'm not having a problem maybe its you. Say what? I said if you are having problems we need to call the doc and get you in. He says I'm fine. I just don't know what to think. Will just be vigilant and if I see evidence will make him go to ER. He was out working on wiring on the boat, sit down, easy work and is back in now. He is taking a nap. Sometimes he makes me feel like I'm imagining things.

I baked some blueberry muffins for brunch this morning, taste pretty good.

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 13, 2023 20:45:17 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Nov 13, 2023 20:28:55 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

She didn't have her own room? Wow. I thought everyone did. I'm happy for her, to go home.
-Goes to show you how much I know about nursing homes! Basically, nothing.

Years ago, my mom managed an assisted living center, for years. But in no way, was it a nursing home. If you couldn't take care of yourself, you had to move out. It was a nice place, back then, I thought. I'd never heard of such a place, prior to that. (Around the late 70's, I think.) It was brand new.

Gu did not. That was the type of rooms the place he was at had for Medicaid patients.

It was really sad. Dad said moms hospital room was bigger.

He was pretty much in a warehouse for old people.

My grandma on the other hand is in a duplex type set up. There is a shared common area and bathroom but her and the other lady have their own rooms.

It really depends on the facility and sadly also depends on how much money you have upfront.

Everyone should be entitled to basic dignity but its not how it works when elder care is all about profit.

My aunt who went from hospital to nursing home without any money went straight to a double room.

My aunt who was full pay went to a single room.  However, she was lonely and asked to have a roommate.  She was asked if she could have a roommate.  She was asked if she wanted to share with her sister and said no.  I have always wondered about that as those two and my mom shared a bed growing up and nobody was asking her to share a bed.

One of my rep payee clients on Medicaid got his own room because of his violent outbursts.  I was told to never see him alone in his room.  

So it isn't always about money.

Dad was full pay and went to a double because the nursing home he was in only has double rooms.  

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 13, 2023 22:28:33 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Nov 13, 2023 20:34:55 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I had a big scare with my Ancestry account today.  

I went to sign in and it told me I couldn't sign in.  After trying again, I clicked on reset password.  When I did that, what I was seeing on the screen was someone else's account and not mine.  I did the online chat and it told me there was no record of my account.

So I called support.  I have always found them helpful but they had not yet told the CSR that the sign in feature wasn't working and they didn't know how long it would take to fix it.  She tried for 20 minutes to get me in to my account and couldn't do it.

I do download often and I had just backed it all up last night, so I could have gotten everything back, but it made me nervous that someone else had access to my account.

I got an email a while back about changing their sign in which was to “strengthen security” I didn’t open link or “continue” since I figured it was like most new stuff. Screwed up until all bugs get worked out!  Hope you got it worked out! 

It got straightened out but I am going to have to use the new password with Family Tree Maker also.

I set my account up with 2 factor authentication from the beginning to I have no problem with that.

There were lots of complaints on FB last night so I was not alone.

[busymom]

Nov 14, 2023 8:21:20 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Fundraiser for baby Serenity is Saturday. I have 6 filled and decorated baskets completed. Had a bunch of Longaberger baskets that have just been collecting dust so in the effort of decluttering before we move forward on the laminate flooring through the rest of the house, I used those. Hopefully they will bring bigger money. Pics have been posted. MIL is doing some as well, which will be a surprise day of. 

Hope these links work.

Link to event : link
Link to pics: link

   Your baskets are lovely.  That poor baby's situation is more proof of what's wrong with our healthcare system.  A family shouldn't have to go broke over major surgery of a child.  

[busymom]

Nov 14, 2023 11:10:21 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Nov 13, 2023 20:45:17 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Gu did not. That was the type of rooms the place he was at had for Medicaid patients.

It was really sad. Dad said moms hospital room was bigger.

He was pretty much in a warehouse for old people.

My grandma on the other hand is in a duplex type set up. There is a shared common area and bathroom but her and the other lady have their own rooms.

It really depends on the facility and sadly also depends on how much money you have upfront.

Everyone should be entitled to basic dignity but its not how it works when elder care is all about profit.

My aunt who went from hospital to nursing home without any money went straight to a double room.

My aunt who was full pay went to a single room.  However, she was lonely and asked to have a roommate.  She was asked if she could have a roommate.  She was asked if she wanted to share with her sister and said no.  I have always wondered about that as those two and my mom shared a bed growing up and nobody was asking her to share a bed.

One of my rep payee clients on Medicaid got his own room because of his violent outbursts.  I was told to never see him alone in his room.  

So it isn't always about money.

Dad was full pay and went to a double because the nursing home he was in only has double rooms.  

    My Mom was full pay and she always had a roommate.  In fact, Mom needed to be moved from the first room she was in, because the staff told me my Mom was sweet, but her roommate was a bully.

[NastyWoman]

So what do you do if your kid is nearby for work for four days and only has time to meet for dinner once right after arrival? Well, it meant I drove to the airport yesterday, one hour because rush hour traffic, hang around at the airport for a bit because "on time" is a bit of a stretchable concept and then there is the passport control/customs area that always has long lines. Drive to restaurant and have some nice Vietnamese food, drop off said kid at his hotel and drive home - no traffic so 45 minutes.

All in all I was gone for four hours and it was well worth it. I really like DS, both of them, but this happened to be DS2. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 13, 2023 20:49:28 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 13, 2023 18:43:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So this is one of the reasons I feel like he is playing with me and treating me like I’m stupid. And it is t even the most important thing.

Last week, he asked me to start making a grocery order. I did, putting things in the cart for him to add to and finalize the transaction. A few days later, he asked me about some items we might or might not need, as he was adding stuff to the cart.

Just now, I asked him what happened with making the order. He said he didn’t have the money, he will check his account tonight and let me know about the order.

First of all, I know he got paid last week. Second of all, I know he has money available even during the weeks between his paydays. Third of all, I am 100% sure he knows exactly how much money he has. I am so sure of this, because he got the 5 figure check from his Dad’s life insurance policy a few weeks ago and deposited into his bank. They put a hold on the funds, and said they would be released in the 13th, which is today. I know Mister well enough to be very sure that he has been checking his account balance regularly, to see if the funds have been made available. Even if he didn’t check any other day I am willing to bet all the money I have available to me, that he checked first thing this morning.

That is the root of a major problem, that has manifested in several ways. Don’t talk to me, or treat me like I’m stupid. 

I am angry again.

Just to play devil's advocate for a moment.

My mom and I have bad relationships with money. Though, mine is getting better.

A few years ago, she kept pressuring me for $1500 to pay a bill. She.was.broke.

It turns out she wasn't. They had saved all of Dad's SS payments from day 1 of getting them till the day he died.

Eve with objectively seeing that she is worth 300-400K, excluding the house, on paper. She will tell you she is poor. Broke. Actually she even told the poor clerks at the grocery store she was broke.

My mom is mentally competent. That's all her emotional crap.

She's mostly not trying to gaslight. She's just almost 80 and 1) can't name her emotions and 2) deal with them in a constructive way. Can you imagine being 80 and not being able to say 'I'm really worried or scared for you? I don't want to lose you. I am afraid of running out of money and not being able to keep your father alive. I am afraid his medical costs will leave me with nothing after he passes."

Which is different, than trying to intentionally make someone crazy.

Deep down, my mom isn't really trying to mess with anyone like that.

Does that excuse her? No. She still wants her emotional hits over being poor rather than trying to emotionally engage with someone like an adult.

It did help me take a step back though, when I was helping her...to let stuff go and not assume intent. 

I tell the kids we are broke. In the day to day, we are. Thankfully they have not asked what our NW is lately. I''m pretty sure we're still in the 7 figure club. Which means, really we are not broke. I say that, because it's easier for me to say that than admit that I feel like really bad that I can't compete with what other parents can give their kids. I don't even think we can afford to rent a cabin for 4 or 5 days this year. 

Despite your net worth being considerable, much of that is for retirement and is sacred.  I have money in my checking account, savings account, investment accounts, IRAs and 403bs.  My savings account is our slush fund that TD knows he can tap if needed.  We have not needed to tap any of our retirement accounts yet, but next year TD is going to start to empty his Canadian retirement account.  

The one thing we have discovered is that for so many years we have kept retirement accounts sacred that it is really, REALLY hard to touch them for their intended purpose!

[CCL]

Nov 14, 2023 0:17:58 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 13, 2023 23:39:27 GMT -5 CCL said:

Pink I wouldn't put up with that shit, either.

I am seriously confused, and all over the place. Which part of the shit would you not put up with?

Well, pretty much everything he's been up to. Especially this,"But he has said that he has felt like I was using him during the time I was coming up short on money because I was having issues that prevented me from going to work."

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 13, 2023 21:40:23 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

I'm trying hard lately to change my statement to my day to day cash flow is not always great. This is because of some things we choose to do that we enjoy. We save for retirement and the short term. The bills are paid and we buy groceries, gas, etc.

I have things beyond my wildest dreams growing up. Knowing what we lived on and had nothing for extras like vacation or braces for me which is arguably medical care, it seems like our combined salary should give me everything I want and then some. So sometimes I complain and DH was tired of hearing me categorize it as poor.

And honestly that's not true so I'm trying to make better word choices. But I do get tripped up that what supported a family of 5 in the early to late 90s multipled by 4 still requires me to make choices.

The oral surgeon bill and the bill today for a crown are merely annoyances. I'm very grateful for that. But sometimes my brain has trouble processing and realizing that I'm no longer poor. In my childhood, college years and early professional years yes it was accurate. Not now.

I really understand this.  Despite the fact that our income is obscene, in reality we are living on about $50k/year.  Part of it is our travel budget, but both of us realize that we need to do this while I can still walk.  My OS has warned me that I don’t have a lot of bone left and he has no idea how I’m walking now.  There may come a time where I can’t do this anymore.  Secondly, TD has done well with investments.  He will harvest them, and put them back into other investments. 

[Pink Cashmere]

I just dragged out of bed about an hour ago. I absolutely did not want to get up. 

[CCL]

Nov 14, 2023 10:36:22 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Nov 13, 2023 23:47:35 GMT -5 busymom said:

You're nicer than I am, Pink Cashmere.  I would've asked him if his girls are "gold-diggers-in-training", based on the stories you've told us how they don't call until they want something...  

For real! I think I would have decked him when he implied she was using him. His kids use him on a daily basis. So does his family. Oh hell no!

Exactly!

[cooper88]

Well, hell. I was just in an hour long meeting at a nursing home. The resident wasn't being totally coherent, which he normally is. They tested him and he is positive for covid. FML.