what are you doing right now?

[CCL]

Nov 13, 2023 20:49:28 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 13, 2023 18:43:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So this is one of the reasons I feel like he is playing with me and treating me like I’m stupid. And it is t even the most important thing.

Last week, he asked me to start making a grocery order. I did, putting things in the cart for him to add to and finalize the transaction. A few days later, he asked me about some items we might or might not need, as he was adding stuff to the cart.

Just now, I asked him what happened with making the order. He said he didn’t have the money, he will check his account tonight and let me know about the order.

First of all, I know he got paid last week. Second of all, I know he has money available even during the weeks between his paydays. Third of all, I am 100% sure he knows exactly how much money he has. I am so sure of this, because he got the 5 figure check from his Dad’s life insurance policy a few weeks ago and deposited into his bank. They put a hold on the funds, and said they would be released in the 13th, which is today. I know Mister well enough to be very sure that he has been checking his account balance regularly, to see if the funds have been made available. Even if he didn’t check any other day I am willing to bet all the money I have available to me, that he checked first thing this morning.

That is the root of a major problem, that has manifested in several ways. Don’t talk to me, or treat me like I’m stupid. 

I am angry again.

Just to play devil's advocate for a moment.

My mom and I have bad relationships with money. Though, mine is getting better.

A few years ago, she kept pressuring me for $1500 to pay a bill. She.was.broke.

It turns out she wasn't. They had saved all of Dad's SS payments from day 1 of getting them till the day he died.

Eve with objectively seeing that she is worth 300-400K, excluding the house, on paper. She will tell you she is poor. Broke. Actually she even told the poor clerks at the grocery store she was broke.

My mom is mentally competent. That's all her emotional crap.

She's mostly not trying to gaslight. She's just almost 80 and 1) can't name her emotions and 2) deal with them in a constructive way. Can you imagine being 80 and not being able to say 'I'm really worried or scared for you? I don't want to lose you. I am afraid of running out of money and not being able to keep your father alive. I am afraid his medical costs will leave me with nothing after he passes."

Which is different, than trying to intentionally make someone crazy.

Deep down, my mom isn't really trying to mess with anyone like that.

Does that excuse her? No. She still wants her emotional hits over being poor rather than trying to emotionally engage with someone like an adult.

It did help me take a step back though, when I was helping her...to let stuff go and not assume intent. 

I tell the kids we are broke. In the day to day, we are. Thankfully they have not asked what our NW is lately. I''m pretty sure we're still in the 7 comma club. Which meas, really we are not broke. I say that, because it's easier for me to say that than admit that I feel like really bad that I can't compete with what other parents can give their kids. I don't even think we can afford to rent a cabin for 4 or 5 days this year. 

Wait a minute. 7 commas? That's a heck of a lot of money. Or did you mean 7 digits or 7 figures?

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 13, 2023 20:45:26 GMT -5 Opti said:

Nov 13, 2023 18:43:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So this is one of the reasons I feel like he is playing with me and treating me like I’m stupid. And it is t even the most important thing.

Last week, he asked me to start making a grocery order. I did, putting things in the cart for him to add to and finalize the transaction. A few days later, he asked me about some items we might or might not need, as he was adding stuff to the cart.

Just now, I asked him what happened with making the order. He said he didn’t have the money, he will check his account tonight and let me know about the order.

First of all, I know he got paid last week. Second of all, I know he has money available even during the weeks between his paydays. Third of all, I am 100% sure he knows exactly how much money he has. I am so sure of this, because he got the 5 figure check from his Dad’s life insurance policy a few weeks ago and deposited into his bank. They put a hold on the funds, and said they would be released in the 13th, which is today. I know Mister well enough to be very sure that he has been checking his account balance regularly, to see if the funds have been made available. Even if he didn’t check any other day I am willing to bet all the money I have available to me, that he checked first thing this morning.

That is the root of a major problem, that has manifested in several ways. Don’t talk to me, or treat me like I’m stupid. 

I am angry again.

Is there a reason you did not call him out on it right away? I'd be like really? I though you got paid last week and the full hold came off your dad's life insurance policy money today.

I grocery order every other week and it’s rare I am putting items in my cart for more than a day of two. Is this some large grocery order or does he just not want to complete it for some reason? Very odd. Is ordering the couch more important to him than ordering groceries?

I did end up saying “really, you are trying to tell me you don’t have any money to buy groceries. Really?!” 


And besides the point that I am sure he has disposable income any day of the month, and the fact that he just got paid last week, he played like he was surprised, and said “oh, today IS the 13th, I forgot all about that. Imma check my account balance now”. Boy, bye. Don’t play with me. 

I have not ever said one word, here or IRL, what I think he should do with that money besides buying a riding mower because that was what he said he wanted to do with some of it, and hiring an attorney to help him sort out shit with his parents’ estates. That’s it, I’ve not said one word about anything else I think he should do with it. He clearly has some made up shit it in his head, that makes him think I am suddenly some kind of gold digger.

If that was what I was after, the truth is that he doesn’t have nearly enough money or income to make it worth trading my soul for some dollars. TF?! My worth and value are such that there isn’t an appropriate price tag. And even if I did try to put a tag on it, HE couldn’t afford me. 

He’s crazy. 

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 13, 2023 20:54:59 GMT -5 CCL said:

Nov 13, 2023 18:43:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So this is one of the reasons I feel like he is playing with me and treating me like I’m stupid. And it is t even the most important thing.

Last week, he asked me to start making a grocery order. I did, putting things in the cart for him to add to and finalize the transaction. A few days later, he asked me about some items we might or might not need, as he was adding stuff to the cart.

Just now, I asked him what happened with making the order. He said he didn’t have the money, he will check his account tonight and let me know about the order.

First of all, I know he got paid last week. Second of all, I know he has money available even during the weeks between his paydays. Third of all, I am 100% sure he knows exactly how much money he has. I am so sure of this, because he got the 5 figure check from his Dad’s life insurance policy a few weeks ago and deposited into his bank. They put a hold on the funds, and said they would be released in the 13th, which is today. I know Mister well enough to be very sure that he has been checking his account balance regularly, to see if the funds have been made available. Even if he didn’t check any other day I am willing to bet all the money I have available to me, that he checked first thing this morning.

That is the root of a major problem, that has manifested in several ways. Don’t talk to me, or treat me like I’m stupid. 

I am angry again.

And why can't he just go ahead and buy the groceries? Is he trying to prove some kind of point that you should be buying them? 

I honestly don’t know what kind of point he is trying to make. 

[giramomma]

Nov 13, 2023 21:05:50 GMT -5 CCL said:

Nov 13, 2023 20:49:28 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Just to play devil's advocate for a moment.

My mom and I have bad relationships with money. Though, mine is getting better.

A few years ago, she kept pressuring me for $1500 to pay a bill. She.was.broke.

It turns out she wasn't. They had saved all of Dad's SS payments from day 1 of getting them till the day he died.

Eve with objectively seeing that she is worth 300-400K, excluding the house, on paper. She will tell you she is poor. Broke. Actually she even told the poor clerks at the grocery store she was broke.

My mom is mentally competent. That's all her emotional crap.

She's mostly not trying to gaslight. She's just almost 80 and 1) can't name her emotions and 2) deal with them in a constructive way. Can you imagine being 80 and not being able to say 'I'm really worried or scared for you? I don't want to lose you. I am afraid of running out of money and not being able to keep your father alive. I am afraid his medical costs will leave me with nothing after he passes."

Which is different, than trying to intentionally make someone crazy.

Deep down, my mom isn't really trying to mess with anyone like that.

Does that excuse her? No. She still wants her emotional hits over being poor rather than trying to emotionally engage with someone like an adult.

It did help me take a step back though, when I was helping her...to let stuff go and not assume intent. 

I tell the kids we are broke. In the day to day, we are. Thankfully they have not asked what our NW is lately. I''m pretty sure we're still in the 7 comma club. Which meas, really we are not broke. I say that, because it's easier for me to say that than admit that I feel like really bad that I can't compete with what other parents can give their kids. I don't even think we can afford to rent a cabin for 4 or 5 days this year. 

Wait a minute. 7 commas? That's a heck of a lot of money. Or did you mean 7 digits or 7 figures?

hahaha i wish. I'll go back edit. I meant the 7 figure, 3 comma.

[wvugurl26]

I'm trying hard lately to change my statement to my day to day cash flow is not always great. This is because of some things we choose to do that we enjoy. We save for retirement and the short term. The bills are paid and we buy groceries, gas, etc.

I have things beyond my wildest dreams growing up. Knowing what we lived on and had nothing for extras like vacation or braces for me which is arguably medical care, it seems like our combined salary should give me everything I want and then some. So sometimes I complain and DH was tired of hearing me categorize it as poor.

And honestly that's not true so I'm trying to make better word choices. But I do get tripped up that what supported a family of 5 in the early to late 90s multipled by 4 still requires me to make choices.

The oral surgeon bill and the bill today for a crown are merely annoyances. I'm very grateful for that. But sometimes my brain has trouble processing and realizing that I'm no longer poor. In my childhood, college years and early professional years yes it was accurate. Not now.

[Pink Cashmere]

I am really outdone and angry all over again.

When my met Mister, and even when we started a “serious relationship” over a year later, my income was around $20k more than his. And he had minor children that were entitled to part of his income to financially support them. My children were young adults. 

I didn’t care about all of that as long as he wasn’t asking me for money, which he was not. He didn’t have a pot to piss in, and was living with his parents, I didn’t care about that either, as long as he wasn’t trying to try to take advantage of what I had, and mooch off of me, which he didn’t.

Soon after we got together, he started chasing promotions, which I supported in every way I could, from mock interviews, to dressing him, to telling him just before interviews that “you got this”, and everything in between. And now, between his promotions and his VA disability rating, his income is more than double mine. 

And for some reason, now I am after his money? If that’s the case, I’m the stupidest gold digger ever, to have even fooled with him in the first place, because he HAD NO MONEY when our relationship started. Before him, I dated men that actually did have money, more than he has now, so if that’s what is important to me, why did I not choose one of them?!

And now he is playing crazy about fucking groceries? I can buy the damn groceries myself, but I bet tf I don’t. 

All, of this shit is just crazy to me.

[saveinla]

I would suggest writing this in a letter or showing this post as is to him.

Like you say if you wanted money, a guy with 3 kids would not be your target.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My grandma thought my mom was a gold digger.

When my mom found out grandma's net worth she was insulted.

She goes "Your grandma really thought I'd put up with your father for 40 years for only $100k!?".

Damn mom! Lol.🤣

She wasn't wrong though. She could have done an Anna Nicole rather than marry a man four years her junior.

[snapdragon]

Just caught up on the last 20+ pages.

The move happened on 31 October.

Took the last week or so and got the condo up for sale and there are 2 offers on it. Location and price for the win! It went live late Thursday.

Working on unpacking and am about 55% done. Things are moving along though I have spent most of the day doing laundry and after getting the computer set up and active, I have spent quite a few hours online today.

Everyone have a good night.

Sending hugs and hot cocoa to those that need it. 

[laterbloomer]

Nov 13, 2023 21:48:07 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I am really outdone and angry all over again.

When my met Mister, and even when we started a “serious relationship” over a year later, my income was around $20k more than his. And he had minor children that were entitled to part of his income to financially support them. My children were young adults. 

I didn’t care about all of that as long as he wasn’t asking me for money, which he was not. He didn’t have a pot to piss in, and was living with his parents, I didn’t care about that either, as long as he wasn’t trying to try to take advantage of what I had, and mooch off of me, which he didn’t.

Soon after we got together, he started chasing promotions, which I supported in every way I could, from mock interviews, to dressing him, to telling him just before interviews that “you got this”, and everything in between. And now, between his promotions and his VA disability rating, his income is more than double mine. 

And for some reason, now I am after his money? If that’s the case, I’m the stupidest gold digger ever, to have even fooled with him in the first place, because he HAD NO MONEY when our relationship started. Before him, I dated men that actually did have money, more than he has now, so if that’s what is important to me, why did I not choose one of them?!

And now he is playing crazy about fucking groceries? I can buy the damn groceries myself, but I bet tf I don’t. 

All, of this shit is just crazy to me.

Has he outright called you a gold digger? Or is he passive aggrively just being cheap about things? If he outright accuses you of it tell him not to project his shit on you, he's the only gold digger around. If he's being passive aggressive pretend you don't notice but don't pay.

[laterbloomer]

Nov 13, 2023 19:04:56 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 13, 2023 18:50:39 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Pick out a couch you like, you might be taking it with you 😉 (I've got a morbid sense of humour, it works for me)

If or when I walk away, the only things I would want to take with me from this time living with him, is my Jeep, my clothes, and my important papers. I would rather destroy the things I can prove I paid for with my own money (which is a lot) so that he can’t use them and they are no longer part of his nice, comfy home, than take them with me. Imo, a fresh start is just that, and does not include dragging literal baggage along, in search of a new life.

I get your sense of humor on this, and I am good with it. I am just saying that I would rather walk away with nothing but my clothes, than take anything that would be a constant reminder of my time with him. Except my Jeep lol.

We are so different. I don't relate furniture to memories and would much rather spend my money on a nice trip than refurnishing a house.

[NoNamePerson]

Nov 13, 2023 20:34:55 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I had a big scare with my Ancestry account today.  

I went to sign in and it told me I couldn't sign in.  After trying again, I clicked on reset password.  When I did that, what I was seeing on the screen was someone else's account and not mine.  I did the online chat and it told me there was no record of my account.

So I called support.  I have always found them helpful but they had not yet told the CSR that the sign in feature wasn't working and they didn't know how long it would take to fix it.  She tried for 20 minutes to get me in to my account and couldn't do it.

I do download often and I had just backed it all up last night, so I could have gotten everything back, but it made me nervous that someone else had access to my account.

I got an email a while back about changing their sign in which was to “strengthen security” I didn’t open link or “continue” since I figured it was like most new stuff. Screwed up until all bugs get worked out!  Hope you got it worked out! 

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 13, 2023 21:54:05 GMT -5 saveinla said:

I would suggest writing this in a letter or showing this post as is to him.

Like you say if you wanted money, a guy with 3 kids would not be your target.

I have basically said that to him, more than once. But he is stuck for some reason. Or he isn’t actually stuck and is just playing crazy. 

I had a house, a reliable car that I owned outright, a decent income, money in a couple of banks and a lot more money in a retirement account. If I chose him as a gold digger, when he had none of that in the beginning, I really suck at being a gold digger lol. 

I think that whatever is really going on, the gold digger shit is just a distraction from whatever the real issue is, because there is no way any reasonable person could think that’s really true. 

He might be feeling what I call “hood rich” because with his latest promotion his income is creeping toward $200k and he has a “lot” of money at his disposal due to the money from his Dad’s life insurance, and maybe that’s making him feel arrogant and cocky, since in his own words, he use to think that if if he ever got to a point where his income was even $50k, that would be more than he’d ever thought was possible for him.

I honestly don’t know what’s really going on with him. The latest thing that upset my nerves, doesn’t have anything to do with money, but I do know that money has kept coming up, in a weird way. And if in his mind, he can act in certain ways because he thinks he is Big Willie with money now, that is a major problem as far as I am concerned.

There is still the possibility that money has nothing to do with it, and he is just an asshole whose masks are slipping, for whatever reason. Maybe due to trauma from everything that has happened for the last 14 or 15 months. Even if that is what it is, I still believe that even with all of that, stress may reveal a person’s true character, but it doesn’t change a person of good character and integrity into someone who lacks both.

[soupandstew]

My 6:30 meeting officially adjourned around 8:15 but we had the usual meeting after the meeting in the parking lot until 9.  It's an oddly functional tradition where we can communicate honestly on everything, outside the official meeting format.  It's where tough things can be talked about, words explained and understood, and alliances formed that help us move forward productively as a group.  

[weltz]

Nov 13, 2023 20:30:57 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Nov 13, 2023 17:19:38 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

I think you’ll be amazed as to how quickly your vision comes in.  For the first time, I could see without my contact lenses in, or coke bottle glasses on.  

They did warn me that my vision might deteriorate…..and it did.  This is because in a few cases (about 30%) scar tissue grows over the lens.  They can go in with a laser and zap it away.  

I got the scar tissue in one eye and the doctor zapped it with a laser.  

The worst part was I saw psychedelic starbursts out of that eye for a few days.  Each day got better but I was trying to prepare tax returns.  I know I was not efficient the first day because just looking at a computer screen made my head hurt and made me dizzy.  

My starbursts never went away.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 13, 2023 22:22:10 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Nov 13, 2023 21:48:07 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I am really outdone and angry all over again.

When my met Mister, and even when we started a “serious relationship” over a year later, my income was around $20k more than his. And he had minor children that were entitled to part of his income to financially support them. My children were young adults. 

I didn’t care about all of that as long as he wasn’t asking me for money, which he was not. He didn’t have a pot to piss in, and was living with his parents, I didn’t care about that either, as long as he wasn’t trying to try to take advantage of what I had, and mooch off of me, which he didn’t.

Soon after we got together, he started chasing promotions, which I supported in every way I could, from mock interviews, to dressing him, to telling him just before interviews that “you got this”, and everything in between. And now, between his promotions and his VA disability rating, his income is more than double mine. 

And for some reason, now I am after his money? If that’s the case, I’m the stupidest gold digger ever, to have even fooled with him in the first place, because he HAD NO MONEY when our relationship started. Before him, I dated men that actually did have money, more than he has now, so if that’s what is important to me, why did I not choose one of them?!

And now he is playing crazy about fucking groceries? I can buy the damn groceries myself, but I bet tf I don’t. 

All, of this shit is just crazy to me.

Has he outright called you a gold digger? Or is he passive aggrively just being cheap about things? If he outright accuses you of it tell him not to project his shit on you, he's the only gold digger around. If he's being passive aggressive pretend you don't notice but don't pay.

He has not used the term “gold digger”. But he has said that he has felt like I was using him during the time I was coming up short on money because I was having issues that prevented me from going to work.

Which referred to me not buying groceries and household products like I had been, and not paying the utility bill (lights, gas and water). I still kept paying the cable and Internet bill, and my personal bills. 

I finally got upset enough to tell him that what he was really angry about was that I was not paying enough in our household, to help him comfortably pour money into other people’s households. Like his parents’ and his daughter’s Mom. 

That caused an even bigger argument, but I stood by what I said. He still has not followed through with stopping the child support he pays to the girls’ mother. I told him that he felt some type of way about what he saw as his Dad’s tendency to just take the easy route, but he does the same thing, since he was gung ho for years about stopping the child support as soon as YD turned 18yo, until she actually turned 18yo and he learned that it was not so simple as he thought it would be, and he probably needed an attorney. 

I have always been very clear that I don’t care if he gives the same amount of money to his daughters every month, I just have an issue with the money still going to their Mom. He tries to justify it by saying that the money goes toward OD’s car payment. But if the car payment is the entire amount, all of them are stupid. The last time we got into it and it came up, I asked, if the money you give their Mom is ok with you because it pays for OD’s car, why has OD been riding for months with expired tags, and no insurance? Tell me, how that money is going toward taking care of them and paying for her car, when she doesn’t have current tags, and no insurance! And if she is involved in a car accident and gets sued, we both know who they are going to call for more money….. YOU! So make it make sense to me!

I don’t care if he pays the notes on OD’s car, the registration to keep the tags current, and insurance. It is still less money than he is giving their Mom. Because he is a disabled veteran, permanent and total as of a few months ago, his daughters now both receive $1600/month to go toward their college expenses. Which is another way that he is providing for them.

Tell me again, why it’s okay to put child support money in their Mom’s hands every month, when it should have stopped over a year ago. And again, I wouldn’t care if he gave his daughters the same amount of money every month, I just have an issue with it being income for their Mom. 

Then he spent 10’s of thousands of dollars trying to fix the mess his Dad had made of his parents’ finances. I didn’t begrudge him doing that, but when all the money he was spending on that made his own money tight, I was the problem because my income wasn’t what it should’ve been, because at that point, I couldn’t get follow up appointments with the dummy GI Doctor I had gone too. 

So I was the problem, and not all the money he was pumping into other households beside ours. I’m not saying he shouldn’t have tried to fix shit for his parents. I am just saying, like I told him the night it blew up, that I took heed when he said something to me about money going out of our household to benefit other people (my Mom), and if he felt like that about me and mine, it should go both ways for our own household to be the priority. We weren’t married, but our agreement was to be a team, and in my mind, that meant we had each other’s back, no matter what happened, which should’ve included the shit I was dealing with that was real, and affected my income.

[andi9899]

Nov 13, 2023 9:30:32 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Verizon has always been dh's hill to die on. But he's finally willing to look at other (cheaper!) Providers. Suggestions for family plans?

I've had Tmobile since before they were Tmobile. I think they were Arial 20+ years ago when I signed up. They've obviously been good to me and the price has been right. I don't know what the coverage is like in your area, but I'd take a look.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 13, 2023 22:28:26 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Nov 13, 2023 19:04:56 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

If or when I walk away, the only things I would want to take with me from this time living with him, is my Jeep, my clothes, and my important papers. I would rather destroy the things I can prove I paid for with my own money (which is a lot) so that he can’t use them and they are no longer part of his nice, comfy home, than take them with me. Imo, a fresh start is just that, and does not include dragging literal baggage along, in search of a new life.

I get your sense of humor on this, and I am good with it. I am just saying that I would rather walk away with nothing but my clothes, than take anything that would be a constant reminder of my time with him. Except my Jeep lol.

We are so different. I don't relate furniture to memories and would much rather spend my money on a nice trip than refurnishing a house.

I would like to do both.

[CCL]

Pink I wouldn't put up with that shit, either.

[andi9899]

Nov 13, 2023 16:25:56 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 12, 2023 19:09:55 GMT -5 susana1954 said:

Pink Cashmere , I've been trying to mostly be quiet, but the tension between you and Mister has been going on for over a year.  Maybe longr than that.  Don't I remember a time when you had a much "friendlier" nickname for him on here that you changed because of how he had been treating you?  Anyway, you are a strong woman.  You have our love and support; this is your "safe" place for working things out.

On a different note, it is people like me that keep the trades in business.  The hall toilet was "ghost flushing" in the middle of the night, and I mentioned to my BFF that I was going to call the plumber in the next week or two.  She encouraged me to watch a few youtube videos and fix it myself.  Oh, sure.  But I decided that if it simply needed a new flapper, I could probably do it . . . despite the fact that the last time I DIYed a flapper, I left the chain too long and ended up calling a plumber, anyway, because I didn't know that was the problem.

And I did it . . . replaced the flapper, I mean.  Now whether it "fixed" the ghost flushing remains to be seen, but the new flapper works and the toilet works.  And I used the old closing mechanism to temporarily shorten the chain so it won't wrap around something it shouldn't.  I will dig through the boxes in the garage tomorrow to see if I kept the tin snips.  I left most of DH's tools so I may not have.  If I didn't, I will buy a some.  That assumes that I don't have to call the plumber after all because it wasn't the flapper.  If they have to come out, they can snip it.  Lol.

Despite doing a lot of subbing, money is a little tight because I am trying to do so many house projects.  It would be nice if I didn't have to call the plumber, but we will see.


.

I think I use to call him “my sweetie”. I don’t remember why I started calling him Mister, it could be because of what you remember, but I kept calling him Mister even when things were fine, so I don’t mean it in a negative way. 

There’s been a lot going on for over a year, but we mostly operated as a team while all of that was happening. It was very stressful because of stuff with his parents during that time, but Mister and I mostly got along okay.  Things didn’t really start getting tense between us until after his Dad died a couple months ago, in early September.

Thank you for your support.

I am glad you were able to replace the flapper on your toilet yourself. Do you know yet whether that fixed the problem?

You used to call him DF. You switched to Mister when his kids started the shenanigans. Would you like me to slap him and the girls? I will. I'll channel my inner Will Smith.

[busymom]

You're nicer than I am, Pink Cashmere.  I would've asked him if his girls are "gold-diggers-in-training", based on the stories you've told us how they don't call until they want something...  

[andi9899]

Nov 13, 2023 18:24:10 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

He asked if I wanted to go with him to Kiddo’s practice this evening. Nope.

Which reminded me….. one of the ladies I see when I am working my side gig, her husband knows Mister from high school. When we saw each other last week for the first time in a year, she expressed condolences and said she had learned that Mister’s Dad had passed from Kiddo’s Mom making numerous posts about it on FB. She told me that she knows Kiddo’s Mom because a close relative of hers, has a child with a close relative of Kiddo’s Mom. 

She went on to say that those FB posts finally answered the question that she, her husband and their relatives and friends always had about “Who in the world got HER pregnant”. She said that when Kiddo’s Mom first started posting about Mr. Messy’s death, she told her husband, that must be who the baby daddy is, it had to have been an old man that got her pregnant.  But eventually Kiddo’s Mom posted that Mr. Messy had been a great grandfather to her son, and that was when they all figured out that Mister was Kiddo’s Dad. 

She said that when Kiddo’s Mom popped up on social media with a baby, they couldn’t believe someone had actually gotten her pregnant because she’s a nut, and Kiddo’s Mom made a lot of posts saying “Don’t ask me about my baby’s father”, so they all figured she must have gotten artificially inseminated, because nobody in their right mind would’ve made a baby with her. I did not ask why they all think she’s a nut, because I think she is a nut myself, which I’ve said here many times. But why I think it, could be different from why they think the same, I just didn’t want to get into all of that. 

She said that when they finally figured it out recently, she, her husband and other people, were all perplexed, thinking that Mister couldn’t have ever actually dated her. 

How embarrassing! Not really for me, because I had nothing to do with all of that, but I’ve always known that Mister was embarrassed about her being his child’s mother. This was the first time I’ve been faced with somebody else making it known that people who know both of them were shocked to learn that Mister is the father. 

I don’t feel any empathy or sympathy for Mister regarding any of it, because whatever they did together, he could’ve avoided making a baby with her, so the fact that they did make a baby is as much on him, as it is, on her. And I don’t wish they didn’t do whatever they did, because that would mean me wishing Kiddo was never born, and I would never wish for that. 

It is just interesting to me, how lives intersect and cross paths. To further prove the point, at Mister’s Mom’s funeral, I saw Kiddo’s Grandmother for the first time. She looked familiar to me, and later on, I asked Mister what was her name. When he told me, the name sounded familiar too, and I was able to narrow down where I thought I knew her from, as a supervisor from a previous job. Time went on and life got crazier, and I forgot about it.

But in all her talking last week, the lady that knows them mentioned that she worked for the Grandmother at the same job I thought I knew her from. And it turned out that I was right, she WAS the supervisor I’d worked for at a prior job. She was the supervisor I’ve mentioned here, that gave me permission to stay after my shift and train the deaf lady that wanted to learn my job because it was full time, with benefits. This was after another supervisor had said no, it would be too difficult to train the deaf employee. Which was not true at all, because like I’ve always said, she was just deaf, and not dumb.

Anyway, I have always had respect for Kiddo’s Grandmother, for how she handled that situation. And it’s interesting that our lives have intersected again, because she is his Grandmother, although I’ve not spoken to her to tell her who I am and see if she remembers me from back then. 

It really is a small, world sometimes.

OAN, she just called Mister, less than an hour before Kiddo’s practice was supposed to start, to say he is not practicing tonight. Idk why, nor did I ask. 

Have you seen the movie Crash? There are two, so the 2004 star studded one. That's the way I always think of how strangers are intertwined in the world.

[andi9899]

Nov 13, 2023 19:04:56 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 13, 2023 18:50:39 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Pick out a couch you like, you might be taking it with you 😉 (I've got a morbid sense of humour, it works for me)

If or when I walk away, the only things I would want to take with me from this time living with him, is my Jeep, my clothes, and my important papers. I would rather destroy the things I can prove I paid for with my own money (which is a lot) so that he can’t use them and they are no longer part of his nice, comfy home, than take them with me. Imo, a fresh start is just that, and does not include dragging literal baggage along, in search of a new life.

I get your sense of humor on this, and I am good with it. I am just saying that I would rather walk away with nothing but my clothes, than take anything that would be a constant reminder of my time with him. Except my Jeep lol.

What about the dogs?

[chiver78]

I dozed off downstairs again. but, I woke up and facilitated last outs before midnight. that's a win, right? 🤦‍♀️

[andi9899]

Nov 13, 2023 20:23:56 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Nov 13, 2023 18:43:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So this is one of the reasons I feel like he is playing with me and treating me like I’m stupid. And it is t even the most important thing.

Last week, he asked me to start making a grocery order. I did, putting things in the cart for him to add to and finalize the transaction. A few days later, he asked me about some items we might or might not need, as he was adding stuff to the cart.

Just now, I asked him what happened with making the order. He said he didn’t have the money, he will check his account tonight and let me know about the order.

First of all, I know he got paid last week. Second of all, I know he has money available even during the weeks between his paydays. Third of all, I am 100% sure he knows exactly how much money he has. I am so sure of this, because he got the 5 figure check from his Dad’s life insurance policy a few weeks ago and deposited into his bank. They put a hold on the funds, and said they would be released in the 13th, which is today. I know Mister well enough to be very sure that he has been checking his account balance regularly, to see if the funds have been made available. Even if he didn’t check any other day I am willing to bet all the money I have available to me, that he checked first thing this morning.

That is the root of a major problem, that has manifested in several ways. Don’t talk to me, or treat me like I’m stupid. 

I am angry again.

Again, gaslighting. Do not play his game. Take care of you. You do not need all that food. Sending love.

Right! I read this and thought that he makes a pretty good amount of money, why does he need to check to see if he has grocery money. Didn't he just stop paying everyone else's bills for months and get a life insurance check from his dad? He never had to worry about money before.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 13, 2023 23:39:27 GMT -5 CCL said:

Pink I wouldn't put up with that shit, either.

I am seriously confused, and all over the place. Which part of the shit would you not put up with?

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 13, 2023 23:44:57 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Nov 13, 2023 16:25:56 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I think I use to call him “my sweetie”. I don’t remember why I started calling him Mister, it could be because of what you remember, but I kept calling him Mister even when things were fine, so I don’t mean it in a negative way. 

There’s been a lot going on for over a year, but we mostly operated as a team while all of that was happening. It was very stressful because of stuff with his parents during that time, but Mister and I mostly got along okay.  Things didn’t really start getting tense between us until after his Dad died a couple months ago, in early September.

Thank you for your support.

I am glad you were able to replace the flapper on your toilet yourself. Do you know yet whether that fixed the problem?

You used to call him DF. You switched to Mister when his kids started the shenanigans. Would you like me to slap him and the girls? I will. I'll channel my inner Will Smith.

LOL! No, Willete, don’t slap anyone yet. 

[toomuchreality]

Nov 13, 2023 23:44:57 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Nov 13, 2023 16:25:56 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I think I use to call him “my sweetie”. I don’t remember why I started calling him Mister, it could be because of what you remember, but I kept calling him Mister even when things were fine, so I don’t mean it in a negative way. 

There’s been a lot going on for over a year, but we mostly operated as a team while all of that was happening. It was very stressful because of stuff with his parents during that time, but Mister and I mostly got along okay.  Things didn’t really start getting tense between us until after his Dad died a couple months ago, in early September.

Thank you for your support.

I am glad you were able to replace the flapper on your toilet yourself. Do you know yet whether that fixed the problem?

You used to call him DF. You switched to Mister when his kids started the shenanigans. Would you like me to slap him and the girls? I will.

I'll channel my inner Will Smith.

Your last sentence made me laugh.
Thanks! 😄

[andi9899]

I found another spot on Macy today. She has a grape size lipoma on her neck and a quarter size one under her front right leg. The vet isn't worried about them. Today I discovered a bump in front of her right back leg. It's like someone cut a golf ball in half and stuck it there. I'm calling the vet in the morning.

This girl turned 5 and became a frequent flyer at the vet. She's 7 1/2 now and doesn't appear to be slowing down. Meanwhile Jackson was literally born on the same day to the same parents and has only been to the vet for shots. Dogs are expensive.

[toomuchreality]

Nov 14, 2023 0:20:34 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 13, 2023 23:44:57 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

You used to call him DF. You switched to Mister when his kids started the shenanigans. Would you like me to slap him and the girls? I will. I'll channel my inner Will Smith.

LOL! No, Willete, don’t slap anyone yet. 

@andi, she said "yet". That means there's still hope, Willett. 🤣