what are you doing right now?

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 13, 2023 17:14:55 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Nov 13, 2023 16:56:24 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Thank you for your kind words and support. 

Our state does not recognize common law, and even if it did, we have only lived together for almost 4.5 years. Also, you are correct in thinking that even if it was a thing, I would have too much pride to go that route.

Yesterday, Mister asked me what I thought about the sofa he’d sent me in a text that I didn’t respond to. When he asked about it a few hours after the text, I told him to buy whatever ugly ass sofa like that, that he wanted to buy. I told him I am not interested in investing any more of my time, energy or money into anything to do with this house. He seemed kind of shocked, because before now, I’ve been all about making this house a home, and just a few months ago I would’ve been excited about finding a sofa, since he is now willing to pay for one.

The sofa he is looking to replace, is the one he and the dogs lounge on, that I won’t even sit on. It just happens to be the one I brought here from my house, and it’s a good thing I don’t really like it, because it is ruined. The cushions literally have snags and tears, from the dogs.

Anyway, I like that you called it a “war chest”, because that is one of the things I have decided I need to focus on, is putting away as much money as I can, even beyond building back up the savings I had, to put myself in a better position. When I do get to where I can think more clearly, any good option is going to require some money. Better to have the money and not need it, than to need it and not have it. 

I'm approaching the two issues separately.  First, the sofa issue leaves me puzzled if he is genuinely clueless about your hurt and anger and their root causes, or if he's doing what DH does, pretending that if he doesn't see the problem, it's not there.  Either way, it's deflection at best and serious dumb-assery at worst.

Second, I like the way you are focusing on asset accumulation while you think things through.  Having $$ put back helps confidence, which in turn helps sound decisions.  

He acknowledges that there is a problem and says he understands why I’m so hurt. I think shit like the sofa is probably because he never thought I would actually consider leaving him for any reason, and in his mind, I guess this is just another disagreement like the others we’ve had. Ummmm, no, it’s not like the others, and my behavior over the last few days should’ve made that clear, because even when I am really upset with him, I do not behave the way I have recently, but whatever. I will keep clarifying for him, as needed.

[chiver78]

Nov 13, 2023 17:43:35 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 13, 2023 17:14:55 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I'm approaching the two issues separately.  First, the sofa issue leaves me puzzled if he is genuinely clueless about your hurt and anger and their root causes, or if he's doing what DH does, pretending that if he doesn't see the problem, it's not there.  Either way, it's deflection at best and serious dumb-assery at worst.

Second, I like the way you are focusing on asset accumulation while you think things through.  Having $$ put back helps confidence, which in turn helps sound decisions.  

He acknowledges that there is a problem and says he understands why I’m so hurt. I think shit like the sofa is probably because he never thought I would actually consider leaving him for any reason, and in his mind, I guess this is just another disagreement like the others we’ve had. Ummmm, no, it’s not like the others, and my behavior over the last few days should’ve made that clear, because even when I am really upset with him, I do not behave the way I have recently, but whatever. I will keep clarifying for him, as needed.

I'm happy to read this, because I really thought you would have already moved out if there was a place you found suitable to go. so you're not totally out the door. um, if he stepped up and pulled his head out of his ass like most guys* have as normal operations, would that help anything for you at this point? or are you past the point of no return? 

I don't need a specific response, just something to think about. I hope it's helpful and not a pain point. 

*I'm specifically referring to the bullshit about the meds for Boy here. that's a "helpless guy" move. 

[weltz]

Our state does not recognize common law, and even if it did, we have only lived together for almost 4.5 years. Also, you are correct in thinking that even if it was a thing, I would have too much pride to go that route.

I'm not following.  Too much pride?  It's not like you're applying for welfare or handouts.
43% of couples in Quebec are living common law You're considered to be in a common law marriage if you've lived together for one year.

www.pwlcapital.com/happily-unmarried-important-considerations-for-common-law-couples-in-quebec/

[weltz]

My memory is shot.  Who was the poster who got a cat recently? Named him Brooks or something. I was wondering how things are going.

[notagain]

Brooks Anderson. Marion I beleive

[notagain]

Brooks Anderson. Marion I believe

[Pink Cashmere]

He asked if I wanted to go with him to Kiddo’s practice this evening. Nope.

Which reminded me….. one of the ladies I see when I am working my side gig, her husband knows Mister from high school. When we saw each other last week for the first time in a year, she expressed condolences and said she had learned that Mister’s Dad had passed from Kiddo’s Mom making numerous posts about it on FB. She told me that she knows Kiddo’s Mom because a close relative of hers, has a child with a close relative of Kiddo’s Mom. 

She went on to say that those FB posts finally answered the question that she, her husband and their relatives and friends always had about “Who in the world got HER pregnant”. She said that when Kiddo’s Mom first started posting about Mr. Messy’s death, she told her husband, that must be who the baby daddy is, it had to have been an old man that got her pregnant.  But eventually Kiddo’s Mom posted that Mr. Messy had been a great grandfather to her son, and that was when they all figured out that Mister was Kiddo’s Dad. 

She said that when Kiddo’s Mom popped up on social media with a baby, they couldn’t believe someone had actually gotten her pregnant because she’s a nut, and Kiddo’s Mom made a lot of posts saying “Don’t ask me about my baby’s father”, so they all figured she must have gotten artificially inseminated, because nobody in their right mind would’ve made a baby with her. I did not ask why they all think she’s a nut, because I think she is a nut myself, which I’ve said here many times. But why I think it, could be different from why they think the same, I just didn’t want to get into all of that. 

She said that when they finally figured it out recently, she, her husband and other people, were all perplexed, thinking that Mister couldn’t have ever actually dated her. 

How embarrassing! Not really for me, because I had nothing to do with all of that, but I’ve always known that Mister was embarrassed about her being his child’s mother. This was the first time I’ve been faced with somebody else making it known that people who know both of them were shocked to learn that Mister is the father. 

I don’t feel any empathy or sympathy for Mister regarding any of it, because whatever they did together, he could’ve avoided making a baby with her, so the fact that they did make a baby is as much on him, as it is, on her. And I don’t wish they didn’t do whatever they did, because that would mean me wishing Kiddo was never born, and I would never wish for that. 

It is just interesting to me, how lives intersect and cross paths. To further prove the point, at Mister’s Mom’s funeral, I saw Kiddo’s Grandmother for the first time. She looked familiar to me, and later on, I asked Mister what was her name. When he told me, the name sounded familiar too, and I was able to narrow down where I thought I knew her from, as a supervisor from a previous job. Time went on and life got crazier, and I forgot about it.

But in all her talking last week, the lady that knows them mentioned that she worked for the Grandmother at the same job I thought I knew her from. And it turned out that I was right, she WAS the supervisor I’d worked for at a prior job. She was the supervisor I’ve mentioned here, that gave me permission to stay after my shift and train the deaf lady that wanted to learn my job because it was full time, with benefits. This was after another supervisor had said no, it would be too difficult to train the deaf employee. Which was not true at all, because like I’ve always said, she was just deaf, and not dumb.

Anyway, I have always had respect for Kiddo’s Grandmother, for how she handled that situation. And it’s interesting that our lives have intersected again, because she is his Grandmother, although I’ve not spoken to her to tell her who I am and see if she remembers me from back then. 

It really is a small, world sometimes.

OAN, she just called Mister, less than an hour before Kiddo’s practice was supposed to start, to say he is not practicing tonight. Idk why, nor did I ask. 

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 13, 2023 17:50:43 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Nov 13, 2023 17:43:35 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

He acknowledges that there is a problem and says he understands why I’m so hurt. I think shit like the sofa is probably because he never thought I would actually consider leaving him for any reason, and in his mind, I guess this is just another disagreement like the others we’ve had. Ummmm, no, it’s not like the others, and my behavior over the last few days should’ve made that clear, because even when I am really upset with him, I do not behave the way I have recently, but whatever. I will keep clarifying for him, as needed.

I'm happy to read this, because I really thought you would have already moved out if there was a place you found suitable to go. so you're not totally out the door. um, if he stepped up and pulled his head out of his ass like most guys* have as normal operations, would that help anything for you at this point? or are you past the point of no return? 

I don't need a specific response, just something to think about. I hope it's helpful and not a pain point. 

*I'm specifically referring to the bullshit about the meds for Boy here. that's a "helpless guy" move. 

I honestly don’t know if it would help or not, or whether I am past the point of no return.

Honestly, if I’d had a way to put things in motion over the last few days, or somewhere acceptable to go, I’d probably be gone or at least on my way out.

[Opti]

Nov 13, 2023 17:04:16 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

People were not happy at work today.

Being told that in order to be happy at work you can't be motivated by promotion or a raise but keep killing yourself going "above and beyond" because there might be a T shirt in your future tends to dampen the mood.

What?!  

[Pink Cashmere]

So this is one of the reasons I feel like he is playing with me and treating me like I’m stupid. And it is t even the most important thing.

Last week, he asked me to start making a grocery order. I did, putting things in the cart for him to add to and finalize the transaction. A few days later, he asked me about some items we might or might not need, as he was adding stuff to the cart.

Just now, I asked him what happened with making the order. He said he didn’t have the money, he will check his account tonight and let me know about the order.

First of all, I know he got paid last week. Second of all, I know he has money available even during the weeks between his paydays. Third of all, I am 100% sure he knows exactly how much money he has. I am so sure of this, because he got the 5 figure check from his Dad’s life insurance policy a few weeks ago and deposited into his bank. They put a hold on the funds, and said they would be released in the 13th, which is today. I know Mister well enough to be very sure that he has been checking his account balance regularly, to see if the funds have been made available. Even if he didn’t check any other day I am willing to bet all the money I have available to me, that he checked first thing this morning.

That is the root of a major problem, that has manifested in several ways. Don’t talk to me, or treat me like I’m stupid. 

I am angry again.

[laterbloomer]

Nov 13, 2023 16:56:24 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 13, 2023 11:09:18 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Pink Cashmere I'm sorry to see your situation. I don't read every page of this thread but I've picked up enough over time to get the gist. I've been through it a few times and the part you are at really sucks. But once you get through it life will be really good. You will be happy again.
I don't know if you have common law where you are but if you do don't be too proud to get a settlement from Mister. You might not be on the deed but you have been contributing to the equity of the house you are living in. At the very least stop paying into it and build up your war chest.
Right now your brain is not showing you all your options. There are some good ones you just aren't seeing at the moment because you have focused on a certain plan for a while. The fog will pass and great options will present themselves.

Thank you for your kind words and support. 

Our state does not recognize common law, and even if it did, we have only lived together for almost 4.5 years. Also, you are correct in thinking that even if it was a thing, I would have too much pride to go that route.

Yesterday, Mister asked me what I thought about the sofa he’d sent me in a text that I didn’t respond to. When he asked about it a few hours after the text, I told him to buy whatever ugly ass sofa like that, that he wanted to buy. I told him I am not interested in investing any more of my time, energy or money into anything to do with this house. He seemed kind of shocked, because before now, I’ve been all about making this house a home, and just a few months ago I would’ve been excited about finding a sofa, since he is now willing to pay for one.

The sofa he is looking to replace, is the one he and the dogs lounge on, that I won’t even sit on. It just happens to be the one I brought here from my house, and it’s a good thing I don’t really like it, because it is ruined. The cushions literally have snags and tears, from the dogs.

Anyway, I like that you called it a “war chest”, because that is one of the things I have decided I need to focus on, is putting away as much money as I can, even beyond building back up the savings I had, to put myself in a better position. When I do get to where I can think more clearly, any good option is going to require some money. Better to have the money and not need it, than to need it and not have it. 

Pick out a couch you like, you might be taking it with you 😉 (I've got a morbid sense of humour, it works for me)

[andi9899]

Nov 12, 2023 18:36:31 GMT -5 busymom said:

Nov 12, 2023 17:23:12 GMT -5 notagain said:

Yea busy mom i have peeps but the thing that bothers me is I'm only 65 and my brain is 35 and the two are not connecting

     Glad I'm not the only one here who feels I am a lot younger than I am.      Everyone else is getting old.  Not us.  

Same. Except I'm turning 45 in a couple of weeks and my brain is 25.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 13, 2023 18:50:39 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Nov 13, 2023 16:56:24 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Thank you for your kind words and support. 

Our state does not recognize common law, and even if it did, we have only lived together for almost 4.5 years. Also, you are correct in thinking that even if it was a thing, I would have too much pride to go that route.

Yesterday, Mister asked me what I thought about the sofa he’d sent me in a text that I didn’t respond to. When he asked about it a few hours after the text, I told him to buy whatever ugly ass sofa like that, that he wanted to buy. I told him I am not interested in investing any more of my time, energy or money into anything to do with this house. He seemed kind of shocked, because before now, I’ve been all about making this house a home, and just a few months ago I would’ve been excited about finding a sofa, since he is now willing to pay for one.

The sofa he is looking to replace, is the one he and the dogs lounge on, that I won’t even sit on. It just happens to be the one I brought here from my house, and it’s a good thing I don’t really like it, because it is ruined. The cushions literally have snags and tears, from the dogs.

Anyway, I like that you called it a “war chest”, because that is one of the things I have decided I need to focus on, is putting away as much money as I can, even beyond building back up the savings I had, to put myself in a better position. When I do get to where I can think more clearly, any good option is going to require some money. Better to have the money and not need it, than to need it and not have it. 

Pick out a couch you like, you might be taking it with you 😉 (I've got a morbid sense of humour, it works for me)

If or when I walk away, the only things I would want to take with me from this time living with him, is my Jeep, my clothes, and my important papers. I would rather destroy the things I can prove I paid for with my own money (which is a lot) so that he can’t use them and they are no longer part of his nice, comfy home, than take them with me. Imo, a fresh start is just that, and does not include dragging literal baggage along, in search of a new life.

I get your sense of humor on this, and I am good with it. I am just saying that I would rather walk away with nothing but my clothes, than take anything that would be a constant reminder of my time with him. Except my Jeep lol.

[Pink Cashmere]

In other news, Mr. T did sell his car. I’d been wondering where it was, since I hadn’t seen it in at least a week, and yesterday Mrs. T told me he’d sold it. I am not surprised the he was able to sell it so quickly.

She said that now that it’s gone too, hopefully that will stop all the bullshit and traffic in our cove. Part of me is angry that that was even the solution to trying to stop all the bullshit. In my mind, if they like powerful, fast cars, and can afford to buy what they like, they should be able to have them and still live in peace, as should anybody else be able to buy through honest means, what they enjoy.

For now, Mr. T has been driving his pickup truck. Which the police warned one time they came out because of another attempt to steal Mrs T’s vehicle, is also a hot commodity for thieves. And Mr. T has put his stamp on his truck, with modifications. I don’t begrudge him that, it’s HIS truck, he should be able to do whatever he wants with it. So far, I am not aware of any attempts to steal his truck, but I wonder if that will be the next thing. Because these fucking thieves are obviously relentless in their quests to try to take shit that doesn’t belong to them. 

I am both angry and sad that they have had to give up vehicles they enjoy, because their vehicles drew unwanted attention around their home, and people kept trying to steal them. I don’t believe it is okay for people to have to give up on what they like and can afford to buy and own, just to avoid trouble from bad people. But I do understand why that seemed to be the best option. UGHHHH!

[busymom]

Nov 13, 2023 18:52:33 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Nov 12, 2023 18:36:31 GMT -5 busymom said:

     Glad I'm not the only one here who feels I am a lot younger than I am.      Everyone else is getting old.  Not us.  

Same. Except I'm turning 45 in a couple of weeks and my brain is 25.

     I'm still 29.  F-O-R-E-V-E-R!  (Except for the days I feel like I'm 17, LOL!)  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I swear if I see that "You poop girl" commercial one more time I'm buying stock in Immodium to spit them.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 13, 2023 19:31:08 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

In other news, Mr. T did sell his car. I’d been wondering where it was, since I hadn’t seen it in at least a week, and yesterday Mrs. T told me he’d sold it. I am not surprised the he was able to sell it so quickly.

She said that now that it’s gone too, hopefully that will stop all the bullshit and traffic in our cove. Part of me is angry that that was even the solution to trying to stop all the bullshit. In my mind, if they like powerful, fast cars, and can afford to buy what they like, they should be able to have them and still live in peace, as should anybody else be able to buy through honest means, what they enjoy.

For now, Mr. T has been driving his pickup truck. Which the police warned one time they came out because of another attempt to steal Mrs T’s vehicle, is also a hot commodity for thieves. And Mr. T has put his stamp on his truck, with modifications. I don’t begrudge him that, it’s HIS truck, he should be able to do whatever he wants with it. So far, I am not aware of any attempts to steal his truck, but I wonder if that will be the next thing. Because these fucking thieves are obviously relentless in their quests to try to take shit that doesn’t belong to them. 

I am both angry and sad that they have had to give up vehicles they enjoy, because their vehicles drew unwanted attention around their home, and people kept trying to steal them. I don’t believe it is okay for people to have to give up on what they like and can afford to buy and own, just to avoid trouble from bad people. But I do understand why that seemed to be the best option. UGHHHH!

What was the vehicle that there were so many tries to steal?  

That truly sucks for him.  TD has a car that could be a magnet, and so far it hasn’t been touched.  The first time it does get touched, my car will go outside and his will come in.  We keep mine in, only because it’s easier for me to get in the car from the garage.  I have had my car stolen, it was my first new car.  I was pissed off, mainly because I had just had the oil changed gotten it washed and filled the gas tank! N

[toomuchreality]

Nov 13, 2023 19:54:19 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I swear if I see that "You poop girl" commercial one more time I'm buying stock in Immodium to spit them.

I don't know if they have them other places, but have you seen the commercial with the choir that sings "OH, MY BOB!" instead of "OMG!"? Over and over. I've never actually watched it, but I hear it all the time. I was kind of humored by it initially. Now I'm getting tired of it.
But I agree. "You poop, girl." is worse, by far.

[daisylu]

Nov 13, 2023 17:50:43 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Nov 13, 2023 17:43:35 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

He acknowledges that there is a problem and says he understands why I’m so hurt. I think shit like the sofa is probably because he never thought I would actually consider leaving him for any reason, and in his mind, I guess this is just another disagreement like the others we’ve had. Ummmm, no, it’s not like the others, and my behavior over the last few days should’ve made that clear, because even when I am really upset with him, I do not behave the way I have recently, but whatever. I will keep clarifying for him, as needed.

I'm happy to read this, because I really thought you would have already moved out if there was a place you found suitable to go. so you're not totally out the door. um, if he stepped up and pulled his head out of his ass like most guys* have as normal operations, would that help anything for you at this point? or are you past the point of no return? 

I don't need a specific response, just something to think about. I hope it's helpful and not a pain point. 

*I'm specifically referring to the bullshit about the meds for Boy here. that's a "helpless guy" move. 

I'm just going to reiterate what I said about about that. That was total BS. I don't care if it is your child or your fur baby. You have money to do the right thing and he didn't because it sounds like it inconvenienced him because Pink Cashmere had been taking care of it.
I've been in that type of position this year, and as soon as I stopped doing things that I had been doing to make his life easier he woke TF up. But letting boy, who he seems to be connected to suffer is unacceptable.

[cooper88]

I'm an advocate for nursing home residents that want to reintegrate into the community. Although today was long and really tiring, a woman who has been a nursing home resident for SEVEN years went home! Poor thing, the only thing she wanted was her own private bedroom.

I have often said if they all had private rooms and good food, I would be out of a job. And that would be an excellent reason for me to be out of a job.

[daisylu]

Nov 13, 2023 18:43:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So this is one of the reasons I feel like he is playing with me and treating me like I’m stupid. And it is t even the most important thing.

Last week, he asked me to start making a grocery order. I did, putting things in the cart for him to add to and finalize the transaction. A few days later, he asked me about some items we might or might not need, as he was adding stuff to the cart.

Just now, I asked him what happened with making the order. He said he didn’t have the money, he will check his account tonight and let me know about the order.

First of all, I know he got paid last week. Second of all, I know he has money available even during the weeks between his paydays. Third of all, I am 100% sure he knows exactly how much money he has. I am so sure of this, because he got the 5 figure check from his Dad’s life insurance policy a few weeks ago and deposited into his bank. They put a hold on the funds, and said they would be released in the 13th, which is today. I know Mister well enough to be very sure that he has been checking his account balance regularly, to see if the funds have been made available. Even if he didn’t check any other day I am willing to bet all the money I have available to me, that he checked first thing this morning.

That is the root of a major problem, that has manifested in several ways. Don’t talk to me, or treat me like I’m stupid. 

I am angry again.

Again, gaslighting. Do not play his game. Take care of you. You do not need all that food. Sending love.

[toomuchreality]

Nov 13, 2023 20:20:52 GMT -5 cooper88 said:

I'm an advocate for nursing home residents that want to reintegrate into the community. Although today was long and really tiring, a woman who has been a nursing home resident for SEVEN years went home! Poor thing, the only thing she wanted was her own private bedroom.

I have often said if they all had private rooms and good food, I would be out of a job. And that would be an excellent reason for me to be out of a job.

She didn't have her own room? Wow. I thought everyone did. I'm happy for her, to go home.
-Goes to show you how much I know about nursing homes! Basically, nothing.

Years ago, my mom managed an assisted living center, for years. But in no way, was it a nursing home. If you couldn't take care of yourself, you had to move out. It was a nice place, back then, I thought. I'd never heard of such a place, prior to that. (Around the late 70's, I think.) It was brand new.

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 13, 2023 17:19:38 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Nov 13, 2023 17:01:08 GMT -5 notagain said:

Mpl thanks for asking. Surgery itself easy peasy. Boy did I waste 3 days of worry! I'll find out how the vision is tomorrow after the patch is removed. Now thats really irritating

I think you’ll be amazed as to how quickly your vision comes in.  For the first time, I could see without my contact lenses in, or coke bottle glasses on.  

They did warn me that my vision might deteriorate…..and it did.  This is because in a few cases (about 30%) scar tissue grows over the lens.  They can go in with a laser and zap it away.  

I got the scar tissue in one eye and the doctor zapped it with a laser.  

The worst part was I saw psychedelic starbursts out of that eye for a few days.  Each day got better but I was trying to prepare tax returns.  I know I was not efficient the first day because just looking at a computer screen made my head hurt and made me dizzy.  

[Opti]

Nov 13, 2023 20:28:55 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

Nov 13, 2023 20:20:52 GMT -5 cooper88 said:

I'm an advocate for nursing home residents that want to reintegrate into the community. Although today was long and really tiring, a woman who has been a nursing home resident for SEVEN years went home! Poor thing, the only thing she wanted was her own private bedroom.

I have often said if they all had private rooms and good food, I would be out of a job. And that would be an excellent reason for me to be out of a job.

She didn't have her own room? Wow. I thought everyone did. I'm happy for her, to go home.
-Goes to show you how much I know about nursing homes! Basically, nothing.

Years ago, my mom managed an assisted living center, for years. But in no way, was it a nursing home. If you couldn't take care of yourself, you had to move out. It was a nice place, back then, I thought. I'd never heard of such a place, prior to that. (Around the late 70's, I think.) It was brand new.

Depends on the nursing home. I think newer builds try to have individual rooms, but where I used to work mostly had two patients to a room for the nursing home/rehab portion. On the assisted living side, it was opposite of that, almost all private rooms but a few existed that could be used for two people.

[TheOtherMe]

I had a big scare with my Ancestry account today.  

I went to sign in and it told me I couldn't sign in.  After trying again, I clicked on reset password.  When I did that, what I was seeing on the screen was someone else's account and not mine.  I did the online chat and it told me there was no record of my account.

So I called support.  I have always found them helpful but they had not yet told the CSR that the sign in feature wasn't working and they didn't know how long it would take to fix it.  She tried for 20 minutes to get me in to my account and couldn't do it.

I do download often and I had just backed it all up last night, so I could have gotten everything back, but it made me nervous that someone else had access to my account.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nov 13, 2023 20:28:55 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

Nov 13, 2023 20:20:52 GMT -5 cooper88 said:

I'm an advocate for nursing home residents that want to reintegrate into the community. Although today was long and really tiring, a woman who has been a nursing home resident for SEVEN years went home! Poor thing, the only thing she wanted was her own private bedroom.

I have often said if they all had private rooms and good food, I would be out of a job. And that would be an excellent reason for me to be out of a job.

She didn't have her own room? Wow. I thought everyone did. I'm happy for her, to go home.
-Goes to show you how much I know about nursing homes! Basically, nothing.

Years ago, my mom managed an assisted living center, for years. But in no way, was it a nursing home. If you couldn't take care of yourself, you had to move out. It was a nice place, back then, I thought. I'd never heard of such a place, prior to that. (Around the late 70's, I think.) It was brand new.

Gu did not. That was the type of rooms the place he was at had for Medicaid patients.

It was really sad. Dad said moms hospital room was bigger.

He was pretty much in a warehouse for old people.

My grandma on the other hand is in a duplex type set up. There is a shared common area and bathroom but her and the other lady have their own rooms.

It really depends on the facility and sadly also depends on how much money you have upfront.

Everyone should be entitled to basic dignity but its not how it works when elder care is all about profit.

[Opti]

Nov 13, 2023 18:43:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So this is one of the reasons I feel like he is playing with me and treating me like I’m stupid. And it is t even the most important thing.

Last week, he asked me to start making a grocery order. I did, putting things in the cart for him to add to and finalize the transaction. A few days later, he asked me about some items we might or might not need, as he was adding stuff to the cart.

Just now, I asked him what happened with making the order. He said he didn’t have the money, he will check his account tonight and let me know about the order.

First of all, I know he got paid last week. Second of all, I know he has money available even during the weeks between his paydays. Third of all, I am 100% sure he knows exactly how much money he has. I am so sure of this, because he got the 5 figure check from his Dad’s life insurance policy a few weeks ago and deposited into his bank. They put a hold on the funds, and said they would be released in the 13th, which is today. I know Mister well enough to be very sure that he has been checking his account balance regularly, to see if the funds have been made available. Even if he didn’t check any other day I am willing to bet all the money I have available to me, that he checked first thing this morning.

That is the root of a major problem, that has manifested in several ways. Don’t talk to me, or treat me like I’m stupid. 

I am angry again.

Is there a reason you did not call him out on it right away? I'd be like really? I though you got paid last week and the full hold came off your dad's life insurance policy money today.

I grocery order every other week and its rare I am putting items in my cart for more than a day of two. Is this some large grocery order or does he just not want to complete it for some reason? Very odd. Is ordering the couch more important to him than ordering groceries?

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 13, 2023 20:07:05 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Nov 13, 2023 19:31:08 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

In other news, Mr. T did sell his car. I’d been wondering where it was, since I hadn’t seen it in at least a week, and yesterday Mrs. T told me he’d sold it. I am not surprised the he was able to sell it so quickly.

She said that now that it’s gone too, hopefully that will stop all the bullshit and traffic in our cove. Part of me is angry that that was even the solution to trying to stop all the bullshit. In my mind, if they like powerful, fast cars, and can afford to buy what they like, they should be able to have them and still live in peace, as should anybody else be able to buy through honest means, what they enjoy.

For now, Mr. T has been driving his pickup truck. Which the police warned one time they came out because of another attempt to steal Mrs T’s vehicle, is also a hot commodity for thieves. And Mr. T has put his stamp on his truck, with modifications. I don’t begrudge him that, it’s HIS truck, he should be able to do whatever he wants with it. So far, I am not aware of any attempts to steal his truck, but I wonder if that will be the next thing. Because these fucking thieves are obviously relentless in their quests to try to take shit that doesn’t belong to them. 

I am both angry and sad that they have had to give up vehicles they enjoy, because their vehicles drew unwanted attention around their home, and people kept trying to steal them. I don’t believe it is okay for people to have to give up on what they like and can afford to buy and own, just to avoid trouble from bad people. But I do understand why that seemed to be the best option. UGHHHH!

What was the vehicle that there were so many tries to steal?  

That truly sucks for him.  TD has a car that could be a magnet, and so far it hasn’t been touched.  The first time it does get touched, my car will go outside and his will come in.  We keep mine in, only because it’s easier for me to get in the car from the garage.  I have had my car stolen, it was my first new car.  I was pissed off, mainly because I had just had the oil changed gotten it washed and filled the gas tank! N

It started last spring, when Mrs T bought a Jeep Cherokee that is also known as a “Trackhawk”. I had heard about Trackhawks and that they were powerful and fast, but I never knew what exactly it was until Mrs. T bought hers. They look like any other Jeep Cherokee, unless you know what to look for, or you hear it running, because Mrs. T’s was kind of loud, with a nice rumble (that was music to my own ears, since I like powerful cars myself, even though I’ve never owned one) that announced there was something special under the hood. 

It started attracting attention from thieves less than a month after she got it. A couple months after thieves started trying to steal it, a group of thieves that were trying to steal it, actually fired shots at Mr. T. 

The car that Mr. T recently sold was a Dodge Challenger SRT that he bought soon after they moved here. It sounded like a beast too, and on that end of our house, if it was quiet inside our house, we could hear it when he started it to go somewhere. I didn’t care, because again, I like the sound of powerful vehicles.

Nobody bothered Mr. T’s car until after they started trying to steal Mrs. T’s vehicle. Once she got her vehicle, we started having a lot of traffic cruising through our cove, especially at night, even though ours are the only 2 houses in the cove, and there is really no reason to enter if you aren’t visiting one of our homes. It was definitely people up to no good, scoping out the scene, because her vehicle was a target. Then there was the foot traffic with people coming from behind our properties, to try to steal their vehicles.

They feel bad that their vehicles drew so much attention and caused so many problems, but I don’t blame them for that. Blaming them for buying what they like, feels like blaming the victim to me, if I were to be upset with them because of the problems with folks trying to steal their vehicles.

[giramomma]

Nov 13, 2023 18:43:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So this is one of the reasons I feel like he is playing with me and treating me like I’m stupid. And it is t even the most important thing.

Last week, he asked me to start making a grocery order. I did, putting things in the cart for him to add to and finalize the transaction. A few days later, he asked me about some items we might or might not need, as he was adding stuff to the cart.

Just now, I asked him what happened with making the order. He said he didn’t have the money, he will check his account tonight and let me know about the order.

First of all, I know he got paid last week. Second of all, I know he has money available even during the weeks between his paydays. Third of all, I am 100% sure he knows exactly how much money he has. I am so sure of this, because he got the 5 figure check from his Dad’s life insurance policy a few weeks ago and deposited into his bank. They put a hold on the funds, and said they would be released in the 13th, which is today. I know Mister well enough to be very sure that he has been checking his account balance regularly, to see if the funds have been made available. Even if he didn’t check any other day I am willing to bet all the money I have available to me, that he checked first thing this morning.

That is the root of a major problem, that has manifested in several ways. Don’t talk to me, or treat me like I’m stupid. 

I am angry again.

Just to play devil's advocate for a moment.

My mom and I have bad relationships with money. Though, mine is getting better.

A few years ago, she kept pressuring me for $1500 to pay a bill. She.was.broke.

It turns out she wasn't. They had saved all of Dad's SS payments from day 1 of getting them till the day he died.

Eve with objectively seeing that she is worth 300-400K, excluding the house, on paper. She will tell you she is poor. Broke. Actually she even told the poor clerks at the grocery store she was broke.

My mom is mentally competent. That's all her emotional crap.

She's mostly not trying to gaslight. She's just almost 80 and 1) can't name her emotions and 2) deal with them in a constructive way. Can you imagine being 80 and not being able to say 'I'm really worried or scared for you? I don't want to lose you. I am afraid of running out of money and not being able to keep your father alive. I am afraid his medical costs will leave me with nothing after he passes."

Which is different, than trying to intentionally make someone crazy.

Deep down, my mom isn't really trying to mess with anyone like that.

Does that excuse her? No. She still wants her emotional hits over being poor rather than trying to emotionally engage with someone like an adult.

It did help me take a step back though, when I was helping her...to let stuff go and not assume intent. 

I tell the kids we are broke. In the day to day, we are. Thankfully they have not asked what our NW is lately. I''m pretty sure we're still in the 7 figure club. Which means, really we are not broke. I say that, because it's easier for me to say that than admit that I feel like really bad that I can't compete with what other parents can give their kids. I don't even think we can afford to rent a cabin for 4 or 5 days this year. 

[CCL]

Nov 13, 2023 18:43:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So this is one of the reasons I feel like he is playing with me and treating me like I’m stupid. And it is t even the most important thing.

Last week, he asked me to start making a grocery order. I did, putting things in the cart for him to add to and finalize the transaction. A few days later, he asked me about some items we might or might not need, as he was adding stuff to the cart.

Just now, I asked him what happened with making the order. He said he didn’t have the money, he will check his account tonight and let me know about the order.

First of all, I know he got paid last week. Second of all, I know he has money available even during the weeks between his paydays. Third of all, I am 100% sure he knows exactly how much money he has. I am so sure of this, because he got the 5 figure check from his Dad’s life insurance policy a few weeks ago and deposited into his bank. They put a hold on the funds, and said they would be released in the 13th, which is today. I know Mister well enough to be very sure that he has been checking his account balance regularly, to see if the funds have been made available. Even if he didn’t check any other day I am willing to bet all the money I have available to me, that he checked first thing this morning.

That is the root of a major problem, that has manifested in several ways. Don’t talk to me, or treat me like I’m stupid. 

I am angry again.

And why can't he just go ahead and buy the groceries? Is he trying to prove some kind of point that you should be buying them?