what are you doing right now?

[chiver78]

Nov 10, 2023 19:58:57 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 10, 2023 19:38:42 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

 can you afford to rent somewhere you feel safe and at peace while you wait til the house is paid off? at that point, you could sell completely free and clear, and maybe (hopefully?) the market will have come back more in line with where it should be. in the meantime, and I'm pretty sure you've already shifted to this mode, just keep banking the $ you'd have been throwing at the house until you're at a point where you're more comfortable with the balances.

I know you said you've learned a ton from folks over your years on this board, so I know you wouldn't allow yourself to be in the position I was in - that short term rental, I needed to provide first/last before I could get my key and move anything in. we'd already established that I'd be paying my rent via PayPal, which was fine for later on. well, I ended up having to register a CC on PP (and paying a stupid amount of fees) to cover that b/c I didn't have $1800 to pay out until I got the house sale proceeds.    

I have briefly looked into renting too. The prices are ridiculous, and much more than the mortgage payments that I’d have if I bought a similar home.

I don’t think I would do well sharing a home with strangers. I haven’t done well with that, even with people I really love. 

I am especially not keen on living in an apartment. I’ve only ever lived in an apartment for a year when I was around 8yo, with my Mom. I have made it my business to avoid living in an apartment as an adult. I don’t knock people who live in apartments, it’s just not something I’ve ever wanted to do.

I never saw this even being an issue at this stage in my life. Before I met Mister, I had accepted my house being my forever home and had started making it be what I wanted it to be for me. But then I got sidetracked with all of that, because of my relationship with Mister and our talk of buying a house for us to live in. 

Then my Mom moved into my house and a lot of shit went haywire, and then I moved into the house I live in now. 

Even though my recents fights with Mister have not included talk about me moving, it is on my mind. And even though I do have a house I can live in, I don’t want to live there anymore, so I feel very “unsettled” about where Imma lay my head.

I absolutely feel this. it's one of the worst feelings I've ever had. I wish I had more helpful stuff to offer for the rest. please keep coming back here to vent, bc we love you and have your back. I'll also say, if you can get to Boston or Providence, you can hang out her3 for a few days.

[cooper88]

Pink Cashmere I've been in a bad situation before also, and I walked away from a house I loved. It was rough for a few years, but my mental health was way better. I'm in a much better place now, as far as peace in my life goes.

[Pink Cashmere]

I keep trying to calm myself down. It’s not working. I just keep getting more and more angry. I feel like I am losing control of myself. This is why I try to avoid getting angry in the first place, because I feel and act like a crazy person.

I am on the rampage. Ain’t nobody getting sleep tonight unless I manage to calm down. I’m really trying.

[ners]

Pink Cashmere I hope you are able to get some rest this evening.

[busymom]

Pink Cashmere, do any of your kids live nearby, so you could spend a night or two with them?  Might be a good thing just to get away for a bit.  

[finnime]

Good morning, you lions of Y Ma'am, roaring into the crosswinds of your lives and jobs. I hope your Saturday offers succor and clarity to addressing all that vexes you so that you can continue at peace. 

Today is the gallery show opening. We'll be going to that this afternoon once I decide on what to wear. And I'll work on organizing our items and stowing them into the two closets we have in the guest room and office. I need to tackle the bedroom, too; I have clothing and boxes of Stuff from the basement piled up. Plus, I need to plug away, writing.

Like the day before yesterday's, pre-dawn was special, then the sun rose behind a heavy blanket of clouds so that it was never visible.

[bean29]

Pink-I feel so bad for you. This is why even though DH is doing very well, I still think it best I work as long as possible. Wish I had always been as frugal as MPL, and had more $$ saved, but I would manage.

(ETA this is just me rambling, not aimed at you personally. DD brought it up yesterday)
I started telling DD “A man is not a plan” when she was a teenager. I think that came from [mention]rukh [/mention] DD’s coworkers are mostly Men, and she said one older guy asked her what’s that thing you always say? He told her his family went to Mexico for a wedding for one of his niece’s and the Marriage was over before the family left Mexico. I thought it was interesting DD attributed both DH and I to telling her that, but yes, my DH does want her to have a solid career and not make choices that just benefit her SO and his career.

I want to push both my kids again to make sure their 401K % is adequate. With SS being so underfunded their savings is even more important.

[giramomma]

Nov 11, 2023 6:28:32 GMT -5 bean29 said:

I want to push both my kids again to make sure their 401K % is adequate. With SS being so underfunded their savings is even more important.

DS is living with us through spring. His only job right now is to build up a EF and start putting money in a 401K. He won't be able to max this year, but he'll be close next year.

We've already told him to max while he is on our dime and them later, when he has roommates and no girlfriend and is on our health insurance.

He could be 26 with 100K in retirement accounts at least, between moving his 529 money and his 401K. He'll be worth at least double that due his taxable account.

I was worth about 25K at his age with all my "assets" (My instrument is lumped into that. With 2 degrees.

I'm so proud of him., He packs his lunch 4 days a week. He said most everyone else goes out to eat..He said one dude needs a new car but can't afford a loan. DS was all like "well, if he'd stop buying his weekly weed and stop eating lunch out, he could have his car."

I just hope he keeps this same head around his shoulders when he partners up and chooses well.

It still really kills me that he didn't do better in school. I'm glad though that he is making good decisions now that he is moving onto the next phase.

[daisylu]

Up, showered, and dinner in the crockpot - pulled pork. Got the stuff to go into the baskets for the fundraiser last night. Chiropractor at 10:30, and need to get to Dollar Tree for basket decorations. DD is coming over later to assist in assembling. 

Went through all of getting a ceiling fan yesterday only to discover that there is no way, without serious remodeling, to mount in that room. DH was upset about letting me down. I didn't necessarily need the fan, just hated the light. Found a better ceiling light that with adjustable colors that will be better for my SAD anyway. DH installed it as soon as I got home and I love it! Going to put another in the spare bedroom that we aren't sure what it is going to grow up to be. 

[giramomma]

Pink,

I am so sorry you are experiencing all of this.

[jerseygirl]

Great job gira with your DS! So nice to see your kids grown to be good adults (after most have given us serious agida)

[giramomma]

I am also waiting for the drugs to kick in so I can have a productive day.

[NancysSummerSip]

Swam this morning, busted through Walmart (all the holiday crap is like to me; it is too early and DH's health is not helping) and prepped the garden for plants later.

[countrygirl2]

I am trying to get busy today. Just having a hard time getting motivated, why I really don't know.

I did box up my CPAP and the supplies, going to label and put downstairs. Also some blankets. There are Christmas presents to wrap and mail. I forgot to change the mailing address on the order so came here, darn.
Found grandson quite a few Star Wars items at Ollie's, I hope he likes them. And he has some shirts and PJ's I got him. Unless I find something he can't live without that may be it. I guess his mom finally got tired of all the toys and loaded up and got rid of a bunch. They needed too.

I have an outfit for DD but think I will let her wear it when we fly up, its warm and she and I freeze on the plane. We took a blanket last time. Had it wrapped up tight and was easy to carry and yes we wrapped both of us up in it, felt so good. We could have used 2 but thought that was pushing it.

I have really got to clean our bathroom and straighten our bedroom more. After I clean the upstairs, I'm going down and work on getting rid of stuff again down there. I have what I want to save for Halloween. Next will be paring down Xmas stuff. We can donate a tree as they put a bunch up at the bluff park for Christmas and decorate them, so worthwhile. And mine have half the lights out, so can add a string, I don't want it back. The tenant left a really nice tree and a storage bag so going to look at it and see if its good. I'm going to order a few table top decorations for Xmas here, hubs thinks its silly to decorate. But I think it lacks any Christmas spirit if you don't. DD and I will be gone longer than him, but he still needs something to remind him of the holiday. His mom got like that, no interest in anything, I am not going there. Without us around I think he would be anchorless and turn into an old hermit. 

He has never really wanted to spend a lot of time with his son, have no idea why. I have asked him many times. His dad was like that with him really, made no sense to me. So it may be how he was raised. I told him I can't believe you wouldn't want to be up with your family as long as you can instead of here. Even grandson asks, he said I guess grandpa just likes being there more than here. That is the saddest thing I'm heard. And grandson just begs him to come, he tells him he loves him and misses him. Very odd man. But his mom was like that too. So hubs plans on being up there a week, he claims its because he is going to care for the cats, its just an excuse.

So 11 AM and I am still not in gear and working, sigh.

[NoNamePerson]

Nov 11, 2023 10:41:50 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Swam this morning, busted through Walmart (all the holiday crap is like to me; it is too early and DH's health is not helping) and prepped the garden for plants later.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nov 11, 2023 6:28:32 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Wish I had always been as frugal as MPL, and had more $$ saved, but I would manage.

To be fair, MPL prior to age 34 was quite the spendthrift!    Lots of travel, hobby was the very, very non-frugal showing horses, my truck and trailer cost more than I took home in 2 years and I had something like 10 loans (maybe more).  My NW was quite negative for a long time.

Don't regret any of it though. Those were some pretty fun times.

[NoNamePerson]

Nov 11, 2023 11:03:32 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 11, 2023 6:28:32 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Wish I had always been as frugal as MPL, and had more $$ saved, but I would manage.

To be fair, MPL prior to age 34 was quite the spendthrift!    Lots of travel, hobby was the very, very non-frugal showing horses, my truck and trailer cost more than I took home in 2 years and I had something like 10 loans (maybe more).  My NW was quite negative for a long time.

Don't regret any of it though. Those were some pretty fun times.

DITTO!!!!!!!!!!!!

[chiver78]

I feel you on it being 11am and needing to get in gear. I was halfway to Walmart at 9 when mooch texted to say he was heading up here to winterize the outdoor shower. he had just finished another side job and had everything with him except a pump, so it took almost an hour for the tank to drain with aid from an air compressor.

now I'm inhaling a quick bite before I get to typical weekend cleaning.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 11, 2023 6:28:32 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Pink-I feel so bad for you. This is why even though DH is doing very well, I still think it best I work as long as possible. Wish I had always been as frugal as MPL, and had more $$ saved, but I would manage.

(ETA this is just me rambling, not aimed at you personally. DD brought it up yesterday)
I started telling DD “A man is not a plan” when she was a teenager. I think that came from [mention]rukh [/mention] DD’s coworkers are mostly Men, and she said one older guy asked her what’s that thing you always say? He told her his family went to Mexico for a wedding for one of his niece’s and the Marriage was over before the family left Mexico. I thought it was interesting DD attributed both DH and I to telling her that, but yes, my DH does want her to have a solid career and not make choices that just benefit her SO and his career.

I want to push both my kids again to make sure their 401K % is adequate. With SS being so underfunded their savings is even more important.

My problem is that I don’t have much cash on hand. I used my savings to up for all the income I missed starting last year, to still take care of my personal responsibilities. 

I agree that a man is not a plan. That is why I still planned for my retirement as if I would be alone. I am glad I didn’t sell my house, but I really, really do not want to live in it again.

[Pink Cashmere]

Thanks for all the kind thoughts and suggestions. 

Last night was pretty awful and today is not going well either. I am still very angry.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My mom always told me a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

I think I took that a tad too far because I've struggled with being a partner.

BUT that being said while it would set me back if we divorced I'd bounce back pretty well because I make sure to have things set up where if I had to I'll be fine going solo.

No heading into retirement finding out DH spent our life savings.

We do need to though start discussing things regarding the fact he's 10 years older than me. I'm well aware anything could happen and I end up going first but odds dictate I'll live 10-20 years longer.

Keeping term life on him as long as possible is a big one. Enough for a funeral and potentially reimburse for any end of life care.

[giramomma]

If we divorced, I would so be financially punished. Half of everything: my pension, my retirement money.

Then alimony AND child support for 3 kids.

One of my old bosses was divorced probably in his late 50s. He made double what I do. His alimony was 40K a year. Plus she got half of everything. He had to work until he was 70 to undo all of that. That's just to get back to where he was at 50. That wasn't to keep on growing his wealth.

Which is why I'll separate or just tell DH to move out and that bill becomes his.

I'll be 60 when the missy is legal. I'm not sure what losing half of everything at 60 is worth it. I'd like to live to 80, but we'll see, My body won't stop being a tickig time bomb.

[countrygirl2]

I FINALLY, MADE myself get busy. Today its a struggle, damn, that makes me mad at myself, LOL!

I got the mopping done, except for our bathroom and need to do quite a bit in there. Picked up a lot of the stuff in here and took it to the top of the stairs. I'm washing a blanket or two. Some downstairs, some up here. DD's sheets are washed and dry, now have to make up her bed.

I sat down for a few minutes and fixed me a sandwich, bologna, ground mustard, and one slice of bread, pretty good for a change. DD had spinach dip, she loves that stuff and I got her some. She just ate it for lunch without dipping chips in it! Big cat is curled up with his paws draped over my legs and his head on my ankles and is sound asleep. He is spoiled too.

Hubs is out rewiring lights on the boat trailer, light work, so should be find. He is tired of sitting around.

I need to get the yard tractor and trailer out. I have 4 big bags of trash and some other stuff in the garage to take out to the dumpster, and need to blow leaves out of the garage again. I will get up and do this stuff so I can take a nap in an hour or two. I slept good last night.

The night before, silly dream. I remember I wanted to have less wrinkles on my face. I was thinking this stuff should work well, plaster for walls? I slathered it all over my face and let it dry. I'm really excited about all them being gone. Needless to say, hard to get off but I was so proud, I kept telling everyone, look, look, I'm young. But that's all I remember, but I know I was proud of it, what a dumb dream, LOL!

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Nov 10, 2023 22:54:36 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I keep trying to calm myself down. It’s not working. I just keep getting more and more angry. I feel like I am losing control of myself. This is why I try to avoid getting angry in the first place, because I feel and act like a crazy person.

I am on the rampage. Ain’t nobody getting sleep tonight unless I manage to calm down. I’m really trying.

I've otherwise occupied, so I don't know what's upset you. I'm so sorry for whatever it is, and I hope it gets resolved soon. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Two annoying financial tidbits this morning: 

1) I ordered two Halloween decorations that are representative of the NFL teams of which DH and I are fans. 
The first deliver had a 49ers one (mine) and a Dolphins one (not what I ordered). DH is a Vikings fan. 
I started the replacement process, and the replacement shipment arrived a few days ago. It is another Dolphins one. 

For the love. 


2) DH is on a work trip. DH's work credit card was maxed out due to hotel rooms. He had to use our personal card to cover a work dinner last night. $752. 

[bean29]

Nov 11, 2023 12:14:41 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 11, 2023 6:28:32 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Pink-I feel so bad for you. This is why even though DH is doing very well, I still think it best I work as long as possible. Wish I had always been as frugal as MPL, and had more $$ saved, but I would manage.

(ETA this is just me rambling, not aimed at you personally. DD brought it up yesterday)
I started telling DD “A man is not a plan” when she was a teenager. I think that came from [mention]rukh [/mention] DD’s coworkers are mostly Men, and she said one older guy asked her what’s that thing you always say? He told her his family went to Mexico for a wedding for one of his niece’s and the Marriage was over before the family left Mexico. I thought it was interesting DD attributed both DH and I to telling her that, but yes, my DH does want her to have a solid career and not make choices that just benefit her SO and his career.

I want to push both my kids again to make sure their 401K % is adequate. With SS being so underfunded their savings is even more important.

My problem is that I don’t have much cash on hand. I used my savings to up for all the income I missed starting last year, to still take care of my personal responsibilities. 

I agree that a man is not a plan. That is why I still planned for my retirement as if I would be alone. I am glad I didn’t sell my house, but I really, really do not want to live in it again.

Well, to be fair, I also advised my Son not to sell his house, because he would have a higher payment/might have a harder time qualifying again if he sells it.  I sent him an article too.  He decided to keep it.  He moved in with his GF, and I do like her, but if things would go south, it would not be the best situation.  I agree that I hope we get to a more "normal" housing/financing environment soon.
I hope you can start feeling better soon.  If stress is a factor in what is going on, you might not feel better until you find a different place at least temporarily.  

My recent project has been to get my MyQ remote garage door opener to work.  It works from an app on my phone.  I bought the device a few years ago.  I think the wifi in our garage was inadequate.  I upgraded the EERO mesh wifi system in the house about a year ago, just recently bought a beacon wifi extender for the garage.  Fooled around with it last weekend, and Thurs evening.  This am I went out and walked through the steps,,,last step is to place a sensor on the garage door.  You push a button on it and it says it will have a red light. Well mine has a yellow light.  I had to chat with a bot, and that was no help.  Poked around for an 800#.  Finally found some info that some replacement sensors had a yellow button.  Well, I got it to connect after I read that.  My sensor is the original.  Bought on Amazon.  Idk why the discrepancy, but it is now working.  Yea me!

Have to take a shower and get ready to take my Mom to Church.  Have my electric blanket and some towels in the dryer.  Need to start another load.  Cleaned out the crumbs from the silverware drawers this am and washed the trays that hold the utensils.  It looks like I did not do anything.  Dishwasher is running too.

Just realized I never fed the Rabbits this am.  Have to run downstairs and feed them. DD is working a double shift today.  She leaves on Wednesday for two weeks of vacation.  She traded hours with a bunch of co-workers and is working some OT.  They often trade hours and then work double shifts so they can get long weekends.  The company does not pay OT when people trade, but they let them do it and it really can work out well.  DD will still have some time off left for the end of the year.  She can burn it all b/c she starts training for her new position in January, and her vacation time starts all over.  DB and his 2 daughters, their husbands and 5 of his 6 grands are at Disneyworld.  They are heading off on a cruise.  I feel like they were at Disney earlier this year.  Lucky kids.  I think my brother mostly pays for everything, but his kids are doing alright too.  

It is supposed to be warmer today.  DH needs to cut the grass, but I better keep my mouth shut as I have a hella lot of work to do inside the house.

[Opti]

Nov 11, 2023 13:55:19 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Two annoying financial tidbits this morning: 

1) I ordered two Halloween decorations that are representative of the NFL teams of which DH and I are fans. 
The first deliver had a 49ers one (mine) and a Dolphins one (not what I ordered). DH is a Vikings fan. 
I started the replacement process, and the replacement shipment arrived a few days ago. It is another Dolphins one. 

For the love. 


2) DH is on a work trip. DH's work credit card was maxed out due to hotel rooms. He had to use our personal card to cover a work dinner last night. $752. 

Sorry. I wonder if someone in order processing is very incompetent with dropdowns. Maybe things are listed as Miami Dolphins and Minnesota Vikings and whoever does it, never checks their work. Maybe you can talk to a supervisor and suggest whoever is processing this needs to be reassigned or let go. You can't be the only one this incompetent is messing up.

[Opti]

Nov 11, 2023 12:14:41 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 11, 2023 6:28:32 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Pink-I feel so bad for you. This is why even though DH is doing very well, I still think it best I work as long as possible. Wish I had always been as frugal as MPL, and had more $$ saved, but I would manage.

(ETA this is just me rambling, not aimed at you personally. DD brought it up yesterday)
I started telling DD “A man is not a plan” when she was a teenager. I think that came from [mention]rukh [/mention] DD’s coworkers are mostly Men, and she said one older guy asked her what’s that thing you always say? He told her his family went to Mexico for a wedding for one of his niece’s and the Marriage was over before the family left Mexico. I thought it was interesting DD attributed both DH and I to telling her that, but yes, my DH does want her to have a solid career and not make choices that just benefit her SO and his career.

I want to push both my kids again to make sure their 401K % is adequate. With SS being so underfunded their savings is even more important.

My problem is that I don’t have much cash on hand. I used my savings to up for all the income I missed starting last year, to still take care of my personal responsibilities. 

I agree that a man is not a plan. That is why I still planned for my retirement as if I would be alone. I am glad I didn’t sell my house, but I really, really do not want to live in it again.

You can turn your house into a different house when the time comes if you want to. I know its probably hard to not think about now as you have a mom problem and can't safely and happily go there for a break.

[Opti]

Nov 11, 2023 11:03:32 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 11, 2023 6:28:32 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Wish I had always been as frugal as MPL, and had more $$ saved, but I would manage.

To be fair, MPL prior to age 34 was quite the spendthrift!    Lots of travel, hobby was the very, very non-frugal showing horses, my truck and trailer cost more than I took home in 2 years and I had something like 10 loans (maybe more).  My NW was quite negative for a long time.

Don't regret any of it though. Those were some pretty fun times.

Wish I could have known you during your horse showing years. How did your horses do at the various shows?

[soupandstew]

Having major allergy sinus issues so went to bed at 8:15 last night.  I got up at 6 and made breakfast (sliced apples, miso soup, pork steam buns) and worked the community shred day.  Three hours in the cold on hard pavement with heavy lifting so I'm exhausted, but it did not rain!  And so many people thanked us for our hard work.  We unloaded a lot of vehicles - some folks brought several decades of paperwork they cleaned out of a parent's home and two ladies brought all their personal papers and old business records of their thriving nail salon.  A local attorney literally filled the back of a Chevy Tahoe with old client records.  Folks can actually stand there and watch their stuff being turned into confetti which makes them comfortable with the security of the paperwork.

I'm going to thrown in a load of laundry and maybe mop part of the floors