what are you doing right now?

[weltz]

I'm taking Sushi to the vet today.  Bloodwork. Expensive.
I'm not looking forward to it.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 10, 2023 12:13:19 GMT -5 azucena said:

Nov 10, 2023 12:06:51 GMT -5 busymom said:

    When I've been convinced that a work environment is toxic, that's when I've done serious job hunting.  If even his voice annoys you, it's time to start looking.  Best wishes!  BTDT.

I'm still in the phase of trying to out-stubborn him. Probably naïve of me. Why should I leave a job I love and am good at bc he's an azzhat? Helps that I know I have support and allies levels above him. Sucks that my grandboss knows he sucks and even asked if he treats females differently which I confirmed, but most people here avoid conflict.

Plus, I make a great salary, benefits are at market or above and include an HRA and a pension which I'm sure I won't be able to find elsewhere.

I've taken to just ignoring some of his dumber requests. If questioned, I can justify why I chose to spend my time elsewhere and how it made the company money vs chasing his shiny object of the day.

Do you have reason to believe you couldn't find those things in another employer?

How long has he been at the company and how long as your boss?

I outlasted a couple bad bosses in my quasi management role, but looking back on it that period of work was miserable for me.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Day two of my sister being gone.  While I love her, my heart kind of sank when she told me that her new tenant wants a 2 year lease.  That takes care of that mortgage payment, but it doesn’t take her any closer to getting her own place.  I guess nothing is going to be resolved until the judge hearing Jan 20th.  Same judge as the last hearing, so can’t imagine the result being any different.  Hopefully he gets so pissed that he makes her ex pay her lawyer too.  Play stupid games, win stupid prizes sort of thing.  

In the meantime, I think I’m gonna go to the store and get the makings for a pot of soup for dinner tonight.  Vegetable beef sounds good.  The local bakery also makes a salt crusted rosemary sourdough that will go well with it.  

Last night my stomach was upset.  We went out to SLAP, which was at one of my favorite places.  I only had a single glass of wine, a salad and took home the better part of my meal since I just picked at it.

[azucena]

Nov 10, 2023 13:23:33 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 10, 2023 12:13:19 GMT -5 azucena said:

I'm still in the phase of trying to out-stubborn him. Probably naïve of me. Why should I leave a job I love and am good at bc he's an azzhat? Helps that I know I have support and allies levels above him. Sucks that my grandboss knows he sucks and even asked if he treats females differently which I confirmed, but most people here avoid conflict.

Plus, I make a great salary, benefits are at market or above and include an HRA and a pension which I'm sure I won't be able to find elsewhere.

I've taken to just ignoring some of his dumber requests. If questioned, I can justify why I chose to spend my time elsewhere and how it made the company money vs chasing his shiny object of the day.

Do you have reason to believe you couldn't find those things in another employer?

How long has he been at the company and how long as your boss?

I outlasted a couple bad bosses in my quasi management role, but looking back on it that period of work was miserable for me.

I've been at company since 2006. He started as my colleague in 2017 and became my boss in 2019. I'm 44; he's mid-50s and constantly bragging about early retirement. Fingers crossed I have 5 more years left with him. Plus, he's starting to dig his own grave a bit as a few of us tanked our engagement survey results in his manager portion.

I don't think I could find an HRA and definitely not a pension elsewhere. These are on top of stock options, 40% bonus target, 5% 401k match, and 2% profit sharing.

Company hired outside firm last year to verify male vs female compensation and made true ups where needed - mine was shown to be in line. They also check industry benefits regularly and pay a significant portion of our healthcare prems.

HRA is set to be worth $160k at age 60 and can be used to cover healthcare prems for me and DH which will bring us $40k short of covering ages 60-65 at current company healthcare rates. This is a key component of my early retirement plan.

Pension is set to be worth at least $250k by age 60.

And I've proven my worth so have some flexibility in work time and travel that's not typical of a VP elsewhere. We're supposed to be in the office 2-3 days per week. I've been appearing a few times a month and no one cares. That's pretty valuable to me.

At the same time, if I let him trigger me, my anxiety definitely gets worse. I've been playing the system on some of that too. Scheduling client mtgs over my weekly 1-1s with him - learned I can get by with that if I make 1 / 4 in a month

[giramomma]

Nov 10, 2023 14:10:56 GMT -5 azucena said:

At the same time, if I let him trigger me, my anxiety definitely gets worse. I've been playing the system on some of that too. Scheduling client mtgs over my weekly 1-1s with him - learned I can get by with that if I make 1 / 4 in a month

I guess I would just figure out what your line in the sand is.

I should PM you about one of the more recent things that happened to me at work.

For me, even needing to have a discussion with anyone about being put on meds to deal with my workplace. combined with questionable integrity is the line.

[azucena]

Nov 10, 2023 14:25:07 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 10, 2023 14:10:56 GMT -5 azucena said:

At the same time, if I let him trigger me, my anxiety definitely gets worse. I've been playing the system on some of that too. Scheduling client mtgs over my weekly 1-1s with him - learned I can get by with that if I make 1 / 4 in a month

I guess I would just figure out what your line in the sand is.

I should PM you about one of the more recent things that happened to me at work.

For me, even needing to have a discussion with anyone about being put on meds to deal with my workplace. combined with questionable integrity is the line.

My genetics and body chemistry mean I need meds anyway 

Happy to read a PM. I think we have a lot in common.

[lurkyloo]

Nov 10, 2023 14:10:56 GMT -5 azucena said:

Nov 10, 2023 13:23:33 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Do you have reason to believe you couldn't find those things in another employer?

How long has he been at the company and how long as your boss?

I outlasted a couple bad bosses in my quasi management role, but looking back on it that period of work was miserable for me.

I've been at company since 2006. He started as my colleague in 2017 and became my boss in 2019. I'm 44; he's mid-50s and constantly bragging about early retirement. Fingers crossed I have 5 more years left with him. Plus, he's starting to dig his own grave a bit as a few of us tanked our engagement survey results in his manager portion.

I don't think I could find an HRA and definitely not a pension elsewhere. These are on top of stock options, 40% bonus target, 5% 401k match, and 2% profit sharing.

Company hired outside firm last year to verify male vs female compensation and made true ups where needed - mine was shown to be in line. They also check industry benefits regularly and pay a significant portion of our healthcare prems.

HRA is set to be worth $160k at age 60 and can be used to cover healthcare prems for me and DH which will bring us $40k short of covering ages 60-65 at current company healthcare rates. This is a key component of my early retirement plan.

Pension is set to be worth at least $250k by age 60.

And I've proven my worth so have some flexibility in work time and travel that's not typical of a VP elsewhere. We're supposed to be in the office 2-3 days per week. I've been appearing a few times a month and no one cares. That's pretty valuable to me.

At the same time, if I let him trigger me, my anxiety definitely gets worse. I've been playing the system on some of that too. Scheduling client mtgs over my weekly 1-1s with him - learned I can get by with that if I make 1 / 4 in a month

What are the terms of your HRA?  I’m a little surprised to see it’s apparently portable if you retire from there-DH has one (made me a little annoyed actually since it meant we couldn’t do an HSA with his HDHP option) and we are currently preferentially spending it down over my HSA since the HRA goes poof if he leaves that employer.

As to the rest…I would probably have left by now, but in the immortal words of Michael Bolton in Office Space “Why should I be the one to (xxx)?  He’s the one that sucks.”

It maybe doesn’t hurt to keep feelers on the job market, both mentally in terms of having an escape available if necessary, and because sometimes if a company really wants you they’re willing to up offers to compensate for what’s being left behind.

Question for you: if Sucky Boss does retire early do you have any confidence Replacement Boss would be better?  Conversely, if you left do you think you’d be able to vet a new company adequately so you wouldn’t wind up effectively in the same position?

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Back from grocery store.  It was a zoo today, but got what I needed.  Nearly broadsided a f#$&ing Canadian minivan that pulled out in front of me, and the ass looked right at me as he pulled out of the shopping center.  Apparently accidents with Canadian cars in the US wind up being a clusterf@#& insurance-wise, I’d prefer not to try it out, the stories I have heard are sufficient.  

[azucena]

Nov 10, 2023 15:57:54 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Nov 10, 2023 14:10:56 GMT -5 azucena said:

I've been at company since 2006. He started as my colleague in 2017 and became my boss in 2019. I'm 44; he's mid-50s and constantly bragging about early retirement. Fingers crossed I have 5 more years left with him. Plus, he's starting to dig his own grave a bit as a few of us tanked our engagement survey results in his manager portion.

I don't think I could find an HRA and definitely not a pension elsewhere. These are on top of stock options, 40% bonus target, 5% 401k match, and 2% profit sharing.

Company hired outside firm last year to verify male vs female compensation and made true ups where needed - mine was shown to be in line. They also check industry benefits regularly and pay a significant portion of our healthcare prems.

HRA is set to be worth $160k at age 60 and can be used to cover healthcare prems for me and DH which will bring us $40k short of covering ages 60-65 at current company healthcare rates. This is a key component of my early retirement plan.

Pension is set to be worth at least $250k by age 60.

And I've proven my worth so have some flexibility in work time and travel that's not typical of a VP elsewhere. We're supposed to be in the office 2-3 days per week. I've been appearing a few times a month and no one cares. That's pretty valuable to me.

At the same time, if I let him trigger me, my anxiety definitely gets worse. I've been playing the system on some of that too. Scheduling client mtgs over my weekly 1-1s with him - learned I can get by with that if I make 1 / 4 in a month

What are the terms of your HRA?  I’m a little surprised to see it’s apparently portable if you retire from there-DH has one (made me a little annoyed actually since it meant we couldn’t do an HSA with his HDHP option) and we are currently preferentially spending it down over my HSA since the HRA goes poof if he leaves that employer.

As to the rest…I would probably have left by now, but in the immortal words of Michael Bolton in Office Space “Why should I be the one to (xxx)?  He’s the one that sucks.”

It maybe doesn’t hurt to keep feelers on the job market, both mentally in terms of having an escape available if necessary, and because sometimes if a company really wants you they’re willing to up offers to compensate for what’s being left behind.

Question for you: if Sucky Boss does retire early do you have any confidence Replacement Boss would be better?  Conversely, if you left do you think you’d be able to vet a new company adequately so you wouldn’t wind up effectively in the same position?

Not sure I'm outlining it correctly. HRA is mine if I retire from the company at ages 55+. Amount is formula plus interest and then DH gets an account worth 50% of mine. Can be used for healthcare premiums only. Company used to provide 100% paid for retiree healthcare up until 2019. Boomers retiring en masse 'ruined' that so this was their compromise to current employees with the option to continue company insurance if we pay 100% of premium. Right now, we pay 20%. New hires don't get HRA.

I just don't have the bandwidth to keep up with the job market. Other than him and a couple of other wacky decision makers who are not in my direct line, work is pretty solid for me. I'm even getting around working many additional hours except for when my own clients' deadlines necessitate it. 

I do think the devil I know is better than trying to vet something new.

Replacement boss job would be all mine if I wanted it. I don't. I'm happy to stay at this level for the next 16 yrs. Next level is all meetings and decision making and none of the technical actuarial work that I like. So likely replacement boss would come from colleagues at my same level with slightly less experience. All good people and I have no qualms reporting to someone younger. Or there are a few department transfers who could take it, those look good too.

These posts have been good food for thought.

[chiver78]

grrr.....I decided to blow some leaves off the main grass before heading out to pick up Punk. *thankfully* I was still wearing the sneakers I wore out to meet finnime earlier, bc I definitely slid in a fresh pile of poo that I didnt see... 🤢 guess I need to blow the leaves every day, bc every other isn't often enough.

[andi9899]

Nov 10, 2023 16:31:08 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

grrr.....I decided to blow some leaves off the main grass before heading out to pick up Punk. *thankfully* I was still wearing the sneakers I wore out to meet finnime earlier, bc I definitely slid in a fresh pile of poo that I didnt see... 🤢 guess I need to blow the leaves every day, bc every other isn't often enough.

I've had that happen. The lawn people haven't picked up the leaves and there is a thick blanket of them out back. The twins do that thing where they kick up the dirt underneath them when they poop. That sends turds and leaves flying up in the air and I've stepped in it a couple of times already trying to pick it up. I'm debating just buying a rake and picking up leaves and poop or complaining. I don't want to be a Karen, but I also don't want to step in poop either.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 10, 2023 14:10:56 GMT -5 azucena said:

Nov 10, 2023 13:23:33 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Do you have reason to believe you couldn't find those things in another employer?

How long has he been at the company and how long as your boss?

I outlasted a couple bad bosses in my quasi management role, but looking back on it that period of work was miserable for me.

I've been at company since 2006. He started as my colleague in 2017 and became my boss in 2019. I'm 44; he's mid-50s and constantly bragging about early retirement. Fingers crossed I have 5 more years left with him. Plus, he's starting to dig his own grave a bit as a few of us tanked our engagement survey results in his manager portion.

I don't think I could find an HRA and definitely not a pension elsewhere. These are on top of stock options, 40% bonus target, 5% 401k match, and 2% profit sharing.

Company hired outside firm last year to verify male vs female compensation and made true ups where needed - mine was shown to be in line. They also check industry benefits regularly and pay a significant portion of our healthcare prems.

HRA is set to be worth $160k at age 60 and can be used to cover healthcare prems for me and DH which will bring us $40k short of covering ages 60-65 at current company healthcare rates. This is a key component of my early retirement plan.

Pension is set to be worth at least $250k by age 60.

And I've proven my worth so have some flexibility in work time and travel that's not typical of a VP elsewhere. We're supposed to be in the office 2-3 days per week. I've been appearing a few times a month and no one cares. That's pretty valuable to me.

At the same time, if I let him trigger me, my anxiety definitely gets worse. I've been playing the system on some of that too. Scheduling client mtgs over my weekly 1-1s with him - learned I can get by with that if I make 1 / 4 in a month

I believe you are way smarter than I am, but due to things I’ve learned from my side gig, I want to caution you to make absolutely sure that your HRA works the way you think it does. 

What I do know as fact, is that HRA’s are different from HSA’s and I always advise people to be aware of the differences. An HSA is your money, even if you resign from your job, are terminated, or separate from the employer in any kind of way, it is still your money. HRA’s are owned by your employer, and it’s not “your” money if you separate from your employer. 

I know more about HSA’s than HRA’s, but I think the differences I mentioned, are very important, and at least one thing that people need to be aware and mindful of.

You may already be aware of all of that, and if so, I apologize for trying to tell you stuff you already know.

ETA: I see there was further discussion about the HRA. My bad for posting before I kept reading. I’d still like to add that HSA’s can be used for any healthcare related expenses, not just premiums. I will shut up now.

[azucena]

I think the only way I get the HRA is by retiring from this company any time after I reach age 55. Will read thru plan benefits on Monday.

[raeoflyte]

First closing today so I should get my first paycheck on my birthday which is cool. Today's not my bday but hopefully the check will arrive by then.

We also have a fairly large technical snafu that may push a closing out a couple days which really sucks. Brings down the payday elation a bit.

But my former employee turned mentee who has been helping me learn the ropes on the contracting stuff got a w2 gig and she's referring her sales people to me. I worked with the manager she is referring to me back when I trained her but didn't cross paths with him much. Hopefully he'll want to talk and I can pick up a couple more clients.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Look at all the stuff I found at the thrift store! The blown glass clown is gorgeous and was only $2. I told DH I'm going to have to ban myself from my favorite thrift store till New Year's.

Check boxes! I opened every random ornament box on the shelf and that is how I found the clown. I've decided his name is Giggles.

Then my dad's SO collects Disney Christmas items. I found two. If I'm buying you ornaments it means you're in. She might not recognize that but dad will.

[Opti]

Is it the pose? The blue elf looks angry.

[weltz]

Back from the vet. Sushi was not a happy camper and yelled the whole time. All the other cats were quiet.
He had a slice of ham and is now sleeping.
I'm having a cuppa.  I drink coffee from mugs, but tea belongs in a cup and saucer.

[Pink Cashmere]

My nerves are still really bad. Mister and I had a run in this morning, when I asked for an answer to a question I’d asked. His answer was a bunch of bullshit. After that, I was even more upset. But he wanted to carry on like nothing was wrong, and got irritated that I was ignoring him and not responding to his inane questions and comments about random shit while he was getting ready to go to work.

I feel like I’ve been a fucking fool, trusting him the way that I have. And I am upset with myself because I have gotten myself into a bad situation, trying to be a good partner to him. I am angry now for a few reasons, one reason being that I basically have no money, because I used most of what I had, to try to keep pulling my weight in our household as much as I could, when my income wasn’t what it should’ve been. And now that I know that even that wasn’t enough, I really feel stupid. 

I am serious enough about our issues that I have started looking at houses. The local housing market has changed so much that even if I sell my other house, I can’t afford to buy a house somewhere that I would feel halfway safe. I am supposed to be gearing up for retirement, not trying to figure out taking on a whole new mortgage that will surely delay my retirement plans. Fuck me!

Yeah, I do have a house that will paid off in a few more years. But there is so much emotional shit attached to that house, that I don’t see how I can live in it in peace, ever again. I’d started feeling that way before I even moved out of it, and I knew and still know that the house itself is not the problem, and the emotions attached to it are all on me. But I guess I should be glad that it’s even an option, even though I cringe at the thought of living there again.

What a fucking mess. For the first time in decades, I don’t feel secure in the knowledge that I can provide the kind of lifestyle I want for myself. Aside from my emotional issues with living in my house again, I also really don’t want to go back to living in the city again, even though I’ve talked here about concerns about where I currently live in the suburbs. But given that I can’t even afford now to live in “nicer” areas of the city, I definitely can’t afford to live in the surrounding areas. I feel real silly for even getting myself into this kind of predicament. 

On top of all the other shit I have been dealing with, I am now concerned about my future and what I need to do next. I am seriously overwhelmed with the idea of finding somewhere to move to. But that is still not enough reason to stay where I am, if it’s not a good place for me to be. 

I’m too old for this shit!

[weltz]

Pink, do you have to have a house?  Have you thought about living in an apartment?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Got grandma's funeral set up.  Still waiting on the money.  WHY they are sending a check when we put down we wanted direct deposit IDK.  They said it would arrive today.  It did not I had DH watching for it. We'll see if it arrives tomorrow.

You would think it would not be that hard to spend $7900 on a funeral but apparently it is when you aren't having a full blown service.  I ended up upgrading the coffin and adding some more flowers. We went a little less than $200 over which is PERFECT.  If I am going to be off we wanted to be over not under.

There just aren't going to be enough people to warrant a full funeral.  GUs was very nice even without the full pomp and circumstance.

It has been set up properly this time and once I sign the paperwork it's good to go for Medicaid.  Thank God.

[chiver78]

Nov 10, 2023 18:04:55 GMT -5 weltz said:

Back from the vet. Sushi was not a happy camper and yelled the whole time. All the other cats were quiet.
He had a slice of ham and is now sleeping.
I'm having a cuppa.  I drink coffee from mugs, but tea belongs in a cup and saucer.

for me, tea belongs in my insulated travel mug, b/c it takes me hours to finish.

[chiver78]

Nov 10, 2023 18:05:48 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

My nerves are still really bad. Mister and I had a run in this morning, when I asked for an answer to a question I’d asked. His answer was a bunch of bullshit. After that, I was even more upset. But he wanted to carry on like nothing was wrong, and got irritated that I was ignoring him and not responding to his inane questions and comments about random shit while he was getting ready to go to work.

I feel like I’ve been a fucking fool, trusting him the way that I have. And I am upset with myself because I have gotten myself into a bad situation, trying to be a good partner to him. I am angry now for a few reasons, one reason being that I basically have no money, because I used most of what I had, to try to keep pulling my weight in our household as much as I could, when my income wasn’t what it should’ve been. And now that I know that even that wasn’t enough, I really feel stupid. 

I am serious enough about our issues that I have started looking at houses. The local housing market has changed so much that even if I sell my other house, I can’t afford to buy a house somewhere that I would feel halfway safe. I am supposed to be gearing up for retirement, not trying to figure out taking on a whole new mortgage that will surely delay my retirement plans. Fuck me!

Yeah, I do have a house that will paid off in a few more years. But there is so much emotional shit attached to that house, that I don’t see how I can live in it in peace, ever again. I’d started feeling that way before I even moved out of it, and I knew and still know that the house itself is not the problem, and the emotions attached to it are all on me. But I guess I should be glad that it’s even an option, even though I cringe at the thought of living there again.

What a fucking mess. For the first time in decades, I don’t feel secure in the knowledge that I can provide the kind of lifestyle I want for myself. Aside from my emotional issues with living in my house again, I also really don’t want to go back to living in the city again, even though I’ve talked here about concerns about where I currently live in the suburbs. But given that I can’t even afford now to live in “nicer” areas of the city, I definitely can’t afford to live in the surrounding areas. I feel real silly for even getting myself into this kind of predicament. 

On top of all the other shit I have been dealing with, I am now concerned about my future and what I need to do next. I am seriously overwhelmed with the idea of finding somewhere to move to. But that is still not enough reason to stay where I am, if it’s not a good place for me to be. 

I’m too old for this shit!

 can you afford to rent somewhere you feel safe and at peace while you wait til the house is paid off? at that point, you could sell completely free and clear, and maybe (hopefully?) the market will have come back more in line with where it should be. in the meantime, and I'm pretty sure you've already shifted to this mode, just keep banking the $ you'd have been throwing at the house until you're at a point where you're more comfortable with the balances.

I know you said you've learned a ton from folks over your years on this board, so I know you wouldn't allow yourself to be in the position I was in - that short term rental, I needed to provide first/last before I could get my key and move anything in. we'd already established that I'd be paying my rent via PayPal, which was fine for later on. well, I ended up having to register a CC on PP (and paying a stupid amount of fees) to cover that b/c I didn't have $1800 to pay out until I got the house sale proceeds.    

[Pink Cashmere]

Welp, we have engaged in something akin to war now. We are fighting about things that in my mind, are basic things that are the foundation of healthy relationships. I will not back down on my stances. 

I also will not allow distractions from the topics I am trying to discuss. If you want to talk about the stuff you keep trying to go on tangents about, you can do the same thing I do, and come to me and say we need to talk about something. It’s not my fault that you don’t do that, and just because I come to you to try to hash out a specific issue, does not mean I am willing to entertain you trying to distract me with shit that has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

I am a little smarter now about allowing you deflecting and trying to make the conversation I’m trying to have,  about what you feel I do wrong. Initiate those conversations yourself, and I would be open to hearing what you have to say. But not when I am trying to talk about something that has nothing to do with what you are trying to make the conversation about. 

I am so mad I don’t know what to do with myself. I have thrown my IPad a few times, just because he said said something crazy, and it was in my lap and throwing it was a better option than punching him in his throat, and now the screen is cracked. 

He is crazy, an asshole and some other things I won’t get into, and I am beyond done. I regret that I even bothered to tell him my name, never mind the years I’ve spent fooling with him.

I am not sharing any of this, looking for sympathy. I got myself into this situation, and I will get myself out of it, even though I have made some major mistakes along the way. 

I am reminded of the time my Grandmother was so mad at her husband that she said a piano could’ve jumped out of her ass, playing Amazing Grace. That is one of the funny things she said, that made no logical sense, that we all remember. I’m just that mad right now, but I would take a sledgehammer and smash that piano to pieces instead of listening to Amazing Grace. I am about 2 seconds from setting the whole world on fire right now.

[chiver78]

hey! AAA covers bail for everything but DUIs. but please don't need to make that call tonight. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Wow Pink I'm sorry.

FWIW you are at least from what I've read here a tough smart cookie.

You will land on your feet whatever that ends up being.

And we're here to bounce off of when you need us.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 10, 2023 19:38:42 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Nov 10, 2023 18:05:48 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

My nerves are still really bad. Mister and I had a run in this morning, when I asked for an answer to a question I’d asked. His answer was a bunch of bullshit. After that, I was even more upset. But he wanted to carry on like nothing was wrong, and got irritated that I was ignoring him and not responding to his inane questions and comments about random shit while he was getting ready to go to work.

I feel like I’ve been a fucking fool, trusting him the way that I have. And I am upset with myself because I have gotten myself into a bad situation, trying to be a good partner to him. I am angry now for a few reasons, one reason being that I basically have no money, because I used most of what I had, to try to keep pulling my weight in our household as much as I could, when my income wasn’t what it should’ve been. And now that I know that even that wasn’t enough, I really feel stupid. 

I am serious enough about our issues that I have started looking at houses. The local housing market has changed so much that even if I sell my other house, I can’t afford to buy a house somewhere that I would feel halfway safe. I am supposed to be gearing up for retirement, not trying to figure out taking on a whole new mortgage that will surely delay my retirement plans. Fuck me!

Yeah, I do have a house that will paid off in a few more years. But there is so much emotional shit attached to that house, that I don’t see how I can live in it in peace, ever again. I’d started feeling that way before I even moved out of it, and I knew and still know that the house itself is not the problem, and the emotions attached to it are all on me. But I guess I should be glad that it’s even an option, even though I cringe at the thought of living there again.

What a fucking mess. For the first time in decades, I don’t feel secure in the knowledge that I can provide the kind of lifestyle I want for myself. Aside from my emotional issues with living in my house again, I also really don’t want to go back to living in the city again, even though I’ve talked here about concerns about where I currently live in the suburbs. But given that I can’t even afford now to live in “nicer” areas of the city, I definitely can’t afford to live in the surrounding areas. I feel real silly for even getting myself into this kind of predicament. 

On top of all the other shit I have been dealing with, I am now concerned about my future and what I need to do next. I am seriously overwhelmed with the idea of finding somewhere to move to. But that is still not enough reason to stay where I am, if it’s not a good place for me to be. 

I’m too old for this shit!

 can you afford to rent somewhere you feel safe and at peace while you wait til the house is paid off? at that point, you could sell completely free and clear, and maybe (hopefully?) the market will have come back more in line with where it should be. in the meantime, and I'm pretty sure you've already shifted to this mode, just keep banking the $ you'd have been throwing at the house until you're at a point where you're more comfortable with the balances.

I know you said you've learned a ton from folks over your years on this board, so I know you wouldn't allow yourself to be in the position I was in - that short term rental, I needed to provide first/last before I could get my key and move anything in. we'd already established that I'd be paying my rent via PayPal, which was fine for later on. well, I ended up having to register a CC on PP (and paying a stupid amount of fees) to cover that b/c I didn't have $1800 to pay out until I got the house sale proceeds.    

I have briefly looked into renting too. The prices are ridiculous, and much more than the mortgage payments that I’d have if I bought a similar home.

I don’t think I would do well sharing a home with strangers. I haven’t done well with that, even with people I really love. 

I am especially not keen on living in an apartment. I’ve only ever lived in an apartment for a year when I was around 8yo, with my Mom. I have made it my business to avoid living in an apartment as an adult. I don’t knock people who live in apartments, it’s just not something I’ve ever wanted to do.

I never saw this even being an issue at this stage in my life. Before I met Mister, I had accepted my house being my forever home and had started making it be what I wanted it to be for me. But then I got sidetracked with all of that, because of my relationship with Mister and our talk of buying a house for us to live in. 

Then my Mom moved into my house and a lot of shit went haywire, and then I moved into the house I live in now. 

Even though my recents fights with Mister have not included talk about me moving, it is on my mind. And even though I do have a house I can live in, I don’t want to live there anymore, so I feel very “unsettled” about where Imma lay my head.

[finnime]

I'm really sorry things have slid so far down into the mire, Pink Cashmere. You deserve so much better. Vent away. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

So we had to take an employee satisfaction survey a couple months ago.   A LOT of us in the lab are unhappy with the amount of work we do, the lower pay than other departments and the lack of upward mobility.

Yeah you could hear the WHOOSH as everything that was discussed went over our main boss's head.   One coworker rightly pointed out that promotion isn't always about the glory/title it is pay.  We have to work in order to live and our salaries are not keeping up with that.  You need to be able to move upward in order to keep pace.

Our main boss flat out said that if we don't like our current compensation and there is no promotional opportunity then we need to leave the company.  WTF?  He said that in my work BFF's exit interview too.  He really needs to stop saying that before several people call  his bluff and we're even more short staffed.

Then he went on to lecture about how when he started he wasn't working because he wanted more pay or a better job title.  He went above and beyond and broke his back because it was the right thing to do and he loved his job.  If you love what you do you won't be so concerned about compensation and we should all find ways to make ourselves happier with our work.

Again WTF?  I do not live to work.  I work to live. 

We were told if we want a promotion that the company rules are (which I need to go read the actual policy on that to see if it really is) that you have to "be performing" at the level you want to attain. So I am an 18 if I want to be 20 I have to already be doing all the work of a level 20 to "prove" I can handle it.  Without any extra compensation of course.  Oh and there has to be a position available. 

I almost raised my hand and said hypothetically speaking you're saying if a lab technician has 14 years experience and could wipe the floor with certain people in regards to her skill set and knowledge she still can't get any higher than a technician unless she takes on 2-3x the workload and even then it's not assured?  What about when said technician gets her ass handed to her any time she takes a step out of her designated job duties?  How am I  is she supposed to grow when certain people are saying she can't grow in the department because she has a biology degree?

Just asking for a friend.

Now I am even MORE pissed off and insulted regarding what happened with my interview with the microbiology department.  F you guys that you think all I am worthy of is being a tech because I am a tech right now. Why did you even interview me for the associate?!  Guess I know now how I don't fit their "vision"  

I am also insulted that he can control if we move on.  He flat out told me that I have to "prove" I can handle being an Associate chemist to HR because I "just have a biology degree".  Well you just have a chemistry degree so why the hell do you get to approve if I become a microbiologist or not?  You should have to prove you are qualified to actually assess microbiology skills or sit down.

To top it off they want to create a "Culture Committee" to find ways to make us all happier at work.  One of the suggestions was as recognition for going above and beyond they could see if they can set up something like where we earn company merch if it is felt we deserve it.

You could hear a pin drop.

They want us to volunteer and it is a "visibility" opportunity.  Gag.   I sure as hell am not volunteering I have already been told enough I don't smile like I should.  The LAST thing they want me is in charge because I am tempted to try to form a union instead.

I just read an article about the new fad of hiring "Morale Officers" at companies because people are rightly pissed at the fact corporations are making record profits on our backs and trying to force us to go back to pre-2020.  The Morale Officers job is to figure out ways to make people happier about being back in the office.  Not with proper or higher compensation of course.  More like things like whacky tacky tie day.

I had no idea I'd get to see it in the wild!

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

With my sister gone, her dog has now taken up residence on my lap.  Kronk is not a lapdog, he’s 65 lbs of pure muscle.  

[CCL]

 Pink Cashmere