what are you doing right now?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I am so tired of being an adult.  The conversation was had with toxic co-worker and let's just say that the whoosing sound of it going over her head could be heard several counties away.  She's got everyone riled up today about samples and they are bitching to me about it.  Dude guys I already lodged a formal complaint once I am out it's your turn.

Then the sheer asinine red tape I am  having to wade through to get the most basic information for my grandmother.  There is no way I will  be done by Thursday.  I am taking a half day on Friday to go down to the VA with every shred of paperwork I have on my grandfather's service and not leaving till they find the damn DD214.  Need to fill out the form and try to pull rank on Smithfield to get her pension statement.   I need to call the pharmacy and try to get her Medicare Part D information from them because NOTHING we have has the correct member ID on it. 

The rage I feel towards my grandmother is mind boggling.  Which is quickly followed by guilt because she's my grandmother.  Plus it's causing me to avoid visiting her because I am legit concerned I may try to strangle her or at least go off on her which doesn't do any good she's not going to remember.

GU is in the back of my head.  I am following the plan as agreed upon but it's there.

Then I am trying to get my ADHD under control because my personal life is in flames.   I have gotten things to where I am not having to pay the stupid tax on bills at least but the budget is still not 100% under control yet. 

Then there is normal parenting, wifeing and somewhere in there I am supposed to cram self care.   DH has been really supportive but I explained to him when I get this agitated it's really hard for me to focus enough to engage in self care.  My main self care is reading but when I am this agitated/exhausted my dyslexia kicks in big time, the words start dancing off the page.   Which pisses me off and stresses me out more and then it's even harder to read.  Book goes flying across room.

Just ugh.  The pumpkin patch trying to kill me didn't help.   I started slowly feeling better last night after I ate dinner and forced myself to really hydrate.   The exhaustion probably won't go away until I am done being my grandmother's POA and that could be another 20 years if our family genetics are anything to go by. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Oct 3, 2023 10:20:58 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I finally broke down and contacted a couple contractors to get bids for my siding.  I haven't heard back from the one yet, but the other one came out this morning.  He said it would be about a week before he got back to me and it would be next year before they could get to it.  All the hail storms have caused a huge backlog for getting roofs on and that's all they're doing for the rest of the season.

He asked me about doing windows at the same time, and I said no, but now I'm second guessing myself.  Except for one that has a broken pane they're all good vinyl windows.  I don't know why they'd need to be replaced.

Are they doing the whole house?  This house was built the generation after your’s, so didn’t fall under the law suit for defective materials.  I guess ‘only’ about 40% of the siding had rotted out, and we were told that it takes less time to rip it all off than to take selected rotting boards.  Luckily, nothing needed to be replaced underneath, and the window frames were all good.  

In this ridiculous COL area, it was a $30k job.  They did have to rebuild the privacy wall. The numbskulls that built it did not use pressure treated lumber as supports and it was rotted through.  I’m sure that added a decent sized chunk of $$ to the cost.  

[andi9899]

Oct 3, 2023 10:20:58 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I finally broke down and contacted a couple contractors to get bids for my siding.  I haven't heard back from the one yet, but the other one came out this morning.  He said it would be about a week before he got back to me and it would be next year before they could get to it.  All the hail storms have caused a huge backlog for getting roofs on and that's all they're doing for the rest of the season.

He asked me about doing windows at the same time, and I said no, but now I'm second guessing myself.  Except for one that has a broken pane they're all good vinyl windows.  I don't know why they'd need to be replaced.

I don't know anything about construction, but maybe it's just easiest to do it while they have the side of the house ripped up.

Like with the AC I also got the furnace replaced while they were here since it was easier and cheaper to do it that way. The furnace was super old and was on its last leg too, so it made sense to just do it all at once.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Oct 3, 2023 10:39:07 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Oct 3, 2023 10:20:58 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I finally broke down and contacted a couple contractors to get bids for my siding.  I haven't heard back from the one yet, but the other one came out this morning.  He said it would be about a week before he got back to me and it would be next year before they could get to it.  All the hail storms have caused a huge backlog for getting roofs on and that's all they're doing for the rest of the season.

He asked me about doing windows at the same time, and I said no, but now I'm second guessing myself.  Except for one that has a broken pane they're all good vinyl windows.  I don't know why they'd need to be replaced.

Are they doing the whole house?

Yes.  Only one side of the house is good...but it's perfect, not a single flaw, so it makes me a little sick to rip all that off, but he said they'd never be able to match it anymore.  There is damage to the underlying wood and on the south side quite a bit of that will need to be replaced too.  Honestly, I'd be thrilled with a 30K bid.  I think it will be more.

[TheOtherMe]

Oct 3, 2023 5:03:07 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Oct 2, 2023 20:44:32 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I call DN1 and his wife by their first names.  I changed the kid's diapers.  Since I am their US address, I get mail to Dr.  I beam with pride over what they have accomplished.

I think DN1 got his PhD in spite of himself.  He talked to his advisor about what programs to apply.  He didn't listen and only applied to the best programs in the country.  He got reject letters from all but one.  That one sent him a you are on the wait list.  He didn't get accepted until a couple of weeks before classes started.

He is stubborn and that gave him motivation.  He decided that since everyone knew he was the last one in, he was going to graduate with the highest gpa.  He accomplished that.

Then I look at his wife coming to the US at age 18 on a State Department scholarship, living in a foreign country where you can't go home.  When she first got here things like FaceTime did not exist.  Her English was not as good as it is now.  She thinks she has too much of an accent, so she is taking speech lessons.  

I am very proud of both of them and I do not think she married him for the green card.

I don’t even know him, and I really like how he did that.

I am in awe of his wife and the moves she made at such a young age.

These are The Toddler’s parents, right?

Yes, the Toddler's parents.  She has now lived more years outside of Ukraine than in Ukraine.  The last time she was there, people were suspicious of her accent when she spoke Russian.  I think being bilingual is great but she doesn't want the Toddler to learn Russian and does not speak Russian around him.  

They hope to send him to a French immersion school if he ever learns to use the potty.  

[minnesotapaintlady]

Oct 3, 2023 10:54:54 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Oct 3, 2023 10:20:58 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I finally broke down and contacted a couple contractors to get bids for my siding.  I haven't heard back from the one yet, but the other one came out this morning.  He said it would be about a week before he got back to me and it would be next year before they could get to it.  All the hail storms have caused a huge backlog for getting roofs on and that's all they're doing for the rest of the season.

He asked me about doing windows at the same time, and I said no, but now I'm second guessing myself.  Except for one that has a broken pane they're all good vinyl windows.  I don't know why they'd need to be replaced.

I don't know anything about construction, but maybe it's just easiest to do it while they have the side of the house ripped up.

Like with the AC I also got the furnace replaced while they were here since it was easier and cheaper to do it that way. The furnace was super old and was on its last leg too, so it made sense to just do it all at once.

Oh, I'm sure it is easier to do it when all the siding is off.  I just don't know if I buy into the windows needing to be replaced, and he didn't push it, just asked if I wanted them done.  There is one window in the basement that leaks tremendously now, but I think it's because the insulation all around it has been destroyed by flooding.  You feel the breeze coming through the trim.  Last winter I piled blankets up on that window.

[countrygirl2]

Check and see if the state is offering incentives for anything especially to make your home warmer. But I assume in a new house like yours you have dual pane windows. Be careful, as you know they try to upsell stuff.

Ordinarily I would not have gotten a cabin filter or air filter but I know those have never been changed since I've had it, so it was time. The wipers I said no, hubs can do those.

I know son needs some and they are offering a big incentive to do them.

[chiver78]

ahh.....I've moved my laptop outside. while it's going to top 80 degrees inland, it's going to be high 70s here. now if only the heavy machinery that's literally vibrating my entire house would just go the F away, it would be perfect! 

[countrygirl2]

Than get the basement one done, its not going to get better.

Drama, check with the VA guy in your county, they should be able to help you with a DD-214. Or check with the recorder of the county and see if they recorded it. It's worth a try.

I am still so sick, I hurt all over.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Oct 3, 2023 11:15:42 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Check and see if the state is offering incentives for anything especially to make your home warmer. But I assume in a new house like yours you have dual pane windows. Be careful, as you know they try to upsell stuff.

Yes, they are vinyl, dual pane, low E glass windows.  Replacing them at 23 years seems a little overboard to me.  I can't afford it anyhow, so I'm going to just quit with the "should I, shouldn't I" self talk. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Oct 3, 2023 10:56:12 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Oct 3, 2023 10:39:07 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Are they doing the whole house?

Yes.  Only one side of the house is good...but it's perfect, not a single flaw, so it makes me a little sick to rip all that off, but he said they'd never be able to match it anymore.  There is damage to the underlying wood and on the south side quite a bit of that will need to be replaced too.  Honestly, I'd be thrilled with a 30K bid.  I think it will be more.

We really lucked out in that we were able to get in on a canceled job just as Covid was ramping up.  I know the cost of materials shot up after this….but I can’t tell you what percent they were of the job.  

We had had another contractor who was scheduled (with a signed contract) to do the work in July.  It got pushed off to Aug, then Sept.  In Oct (we were leaving for a trip at the end of the month) he told us he wasn’t going to do the job.  I asked TD if we could hold him to the signed contract, and TD wasn’t inclined, as he was worried if he did that he’d do a shitty job.  We got back the end of Dec and he was able to find someone else who could do it in March.  They finished the painting, and a few days later everything shut down.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

All right trying this again online.  This time I made the request officially as my grandmother's power of attorney.  I attached the POA and a copy of their marriage license as proof she was his wife and I am who I say I am.

We'll see how fast it goes this time.  Still taking half a day Friday.  I struck out the first time with our local VA, the Medicaid lady thinks I got someone who doesn't know what they are doing it happens a lot.  If I can't get it I'll go to the county court house next.

This is one I really really freaking need.  

Also waiting on the pharmacy to call me back.  Apparently no actual humans work there either.  All I need is who holds her policy and the damn number.

Grandma was clearly on the decline for longer than we realized because the grandma I knew wouldn't have lost all this information.  Or maybe she wasn't as meticulous as we thought she was IDK. 

[giramomma]

Oct 3, 2023 12:02:00 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Grandma was clearly on the decline for longer than we realized because the grandma I knew wouldn't have lost all this information.  Or maybe she wasn't as meticulous as we thought she was IDK. 

It's probably some of both.

My mom got upset with my dad's brother and SIL for keeping paperwork that belonged to my dad. They told her they didn't have the paperwork, and my mom assumed my dad's brother and SIL threw everything out after my grandparents died.

She used that data point as a reason to tell my aunt and uncle what she really thought of them.

We found some of the paperwork in our safe. Went through the safe carefully after dad died.

The way my mom carried on, you wouldn't have ever believed that we had some of it all along.

[giramomma]

I've been up for over 7 hours already and working for 5. 5 of them

I'm starting to fade quickly. I need to be all chipper. I don't want too much caffeine. When the nerves kick in, it will be ugly.

[cooper88]

I am struggling today. The three year old "kitten" we have decided to keep coming to bed to play last night. I guess she just wanted to party all night, and the rest of us wanted to sleep. Thankfully, it doesn't happen often.

[finnime]

Received 2 large boxes from Chewy of cat litter. The deal was, buy $100 worth of items and get a $30 gift card. So, . . .

Cleaned the bathroom. Now I need to dust, vac and mop floor in kitchen. I don' wanna.

Also, don' wanna: replace the front tires on the car and get an alignment; arrange and pay for gas furnace cleaning; complete setting up the deck chairs that have been waiting for clear weather; clean up the basement in the wake of 3 cats; sort out the office now that major fairs are over.

I don't want to work, I just want to bang on the drum all day!

And play with other people's puppies.

[weltz]

Oct 3, 2023 6:08:11 GMT -5 ners said:

Need to get moving for the day.


The Walk of the Penguin Mich Sorry for the loss of your advisor.  Hope TD's mother recovers quickly.


weltz Sorry for the pain your son is in.

Thank you. He's a mess.

[lurkyloo]

Annoyed with work and fantasizing about just not doing it any more. A la Office Space. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

It looks like GU might not make it through the week.  My dad got the call for that on the way out to the restaurant.  He called me as he was turning around to go to the funeral home he just got done at the bank getting things ready to pay.  I forgot how colorful my dad's language gets when he's stressed and stuck in traffic. 

He's having a mini-freak out which is understandable after everything that has happened.  

I said I'll help with planning and organizing the funeral.  I reassured him the Medicaid lady said this will not screw up grandma's process.  If the courts decide she inherits it all it goes into a Miller Trust. I told him don't even worry about it.  Medicaid lady said this stuff happens all the time she will work with me on it when/if the time comes.   Don't take on the burden of worrying about any of that it's my job as her POA.

What a fucking mess this all is.

[weltz]

Oct 3, 2023 14:02:41 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

It looks like GU might not make it through the week.  My dad got the call for that on the way out to the restaurant.  He called me as he was turning around to go to the funeral home he just got done at the bank getting things ready to pay.  I forgot how colorful my dad's language gets when he's stressed and stuck in traffic. 

He's having a mini-freak out which is understandable after everything that has happened.  

I said I'll help with planning and organizing the funeral.  I reassured him the Medicaid lady said this will not screw up grandma's process.  If the courts decide she inherits it all it goes into a Miller Trust. I told him don't even worry about it.  Medicaid lady said this stuff happens all the time she will work with me on it when/if the time comes.   Don't take on the burden of worrying about any of that it's my job as her POA.

What a fucking mess this all is.

I'm sorry, Drama.

[lurkyloo]

Oct 3, 2023 10:56:59 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Oct 3, 2023 5:03:07 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I don’t even know him, and I really like how he did that.

I am in awe of his wife and the moves she made at such a young age.

These are The Toddler’s parents, right?

Yes, the Toddler's parents.  She has now lived more years outside of Ukraine than in Ukraine.  The last time she was there, people were suspicious of her accent when she spoke Russian.  I think being bilingual is great but she doesn't want the Toddler to learn Russian and does not speak Russian around him.  

They hope to send him to a French immersion school if he ever learns to use the potty.  

[CCL]

Oct 3, 2023 11:15:42 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Check and see if the state is offering incentives for anything especially to make your home warmer. But I assume in a new house like yours you have dual pane windows. Be careful, as you know they try to upsell stuff.

Ordinarily I would not have gotten a cabin filter or air filter but I know those have never been changed since I've had it, so it was time. The wipers I said no, hubs can do those.

I know son needs some and they are offering a big incentive to do them.

I'll bet your hubby could change those filters. Look them up on YouTube. Most are very easy to change yourself.

[chiver78]

Oct 3, 2023 14:13:33 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Oct 3, 2023 10:56:59 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Yes, the Toddler's parents.  She has now lived more years outside of Ukraine than in Ukraine.  The last time she was there, people were suspicious of her accent when she spoke Russian.  I think being bilingual is great but she doesn't want the Toddler to learn Russian and does not speak Russian around him.  

They hope to send him to a French immersion school if he ever learns to use the potty.  

 yep. 

[bookkeeper]

Oct 3, 2023 11:22:27 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Oct 3, 2023 11:15:42 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Check and see if the state is offering incentives for anything especially to make your home warmer. But I assume in a new house like yours you have dual pane windows. Be careful, as you know they try to upsell stuff.

Yes, they are vinyl, dual pane, low E glass windows.  Replacing them at 23 years seems a little overboard to me.  I can't afford it anyhow, so I'm going to just quit with the "should I, shouldn't I" self talk. 

You can look into just replacing the glass in your broken window.  We bought similar windows to yours and I screwed up by putting reflective film on the dual pane.  I broke one of the panes.  Our contractor ordered up new glass and turned it in under warranty. 

When we first bought the house in NE, it had a bank of 4 windows for a feature picture window.  One of the window panes was broken, looked like a mower hit.  The local lumberyard was able to order a replacement glass and installed it in a few minutes. 

I would not replace any but the one pane.

[andi9899]

Oct 3, 2023 14:02:41 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

It looks like GU might not make it through the week.  My dad got the call for that on the way out to the restaurant.  He called me as he was turning around to go to the funeral home he just got done at the bank getting things ready to pay.  I forgot how colorful my dad's language gets when he's stressed and stuck in traffic. 

He's having a mini-freak out which is understandable after everything that has happened.  

I said I'll help with planning and organizing the funeral.  I reassured him the Medicaid lady said this will not screw up grandma's process.  If the courts decide she inherits it all it goes into a Miller Trust. I told him don't even worry about it.  Medicaid lady said this stuff happens all the time she will work with me on it when/if the time comes.   Don't take on the burden of worrying about any of that it's my job as her POA.

What a fucking mess this all is.

That sucks. Hopefully you guys can work everything out. Hopefully it doesn't mess up anything with your grandma.

I'll be on my parents again to set up everything on their ends too. I haven't bothered them about it for a while.

[andi9899]

Oct 3, 2023 10:07:23 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Oct 3, 2023 9:19:17 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

House closes tomorrow. I get keys on Fri to the new place and will be moving all weekend. I'm taking the day off on Monday so I can come back and get anything left behind and try and put the new place together. Then I go to TX next Wednesday for a few days. It's going to be a lot!

That was impressive fast.  I think it would take me 6 months to pack up my house.

I didn't give myself much time on purpose. Otherwise I would still be just thinking about boxing up stuff.

[andi9899]

I'm currently getting my ass handed to me. I've been trying to place this account for months and I'm still coming up empty. I can't even get to a negotiation point since everyone is declining. I'm just going to call it a day.

[TheOtherMe]

Oct 3, 2023 14:02:41 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

It looks like GU might not make it through the week.  My dad got the call for that on the way out to the restaurant.  He called me as he was turning around to go to the funeral home he just got done at the bank getting things ready to pay.  I forgot how colorful my dad's language gets when he's stressed and stuck in traffic. 

He's having a mini-freak out which is understandable after everything that has happened.  

I said I'll help with planning and organizing the funeral.  I reassured him the Medicaid lady said this will not screw up grandma's process.  If the courts decide she inherits it all it goes into a Miller Trust. I told him don't even worry about it.  Medicaid lady said this stuff happens all the time she will work with me on it when/if the time comes.   Don't take on the burden of worrying about any of that it's my job as her POA.

What a fucking mess this all is.

I am sorry.  Apparently he was not competent to sign a will.

[TheOtherMe]

Received my free covid tests.  They are expired.  Not by much--4 months.  So mine expired June of 2023.  Why was the government hoarding these?

All I used while I have been testing myself was expired Covid tests so they do still work.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Oct 3, 2023 15:06:03 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Oct 3, 2023 14:02:41 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

It looks like GU might not make it through the week.  My dad got the call for that on the way out to the restaurant.  He called me as he was turning around to go to the funeral home he just got done at the bank getting things ready to pay.  I forgot how colorful my dad's language gets when he's stressed and stuck in traffic. 

He's having a mini-freak out which is understandable after everything that has happened.  

I said I'll help with planning and organizing the funeral.  I reassured him the Medicaid lady said this will not screw up grandma's process.  If the courts decide she inherits it all it goes into a Miller Trust. I told him don't even worry about it.  Medicaid lady said this stuff happens all the time she will work with me on it when/if the time comes.   Don't take on the burden of worrying about any of that it's my job as her POA.

What a fucking mess this all is.

I am sorry.  Apparently he was not competent to sign a will.

I think we missed our window.  I had a feeling that the day he was talking about the restaurant with the nurses was that last burst of energy people get right before the end but I wasn't going to say that out loud.   It's so hard to know. 

It is what it is.  Dad is right at least the nursing home doesn't get it all so there is that final screw you.   We'll cross the probate bridge when/if it comes.   Right now I have more immediate concerns.  I  trust the Medicaid lady when she says don't add it onto my list she's got the experience.  If she said worry then I'd worry.  It would have been easier to skip over her and also would have protected GU's assets but when has ANYTHING with these two taken the easy route?

ETA:  And to beat the dead horse this is why you set things up appropriately long before you get to this point.  I am not against his money going to his care but it is absolutely rubbish IMHO that it will all end up going to the state of Iowa for grandma's care because neither one of them stopped to think about the fact that naming an equally old fart as the beneficiary of your assets instead of your grown son/uncle or his daughter was a REALLY fucking dumb plan.