what are you doing right now?

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 28, 2023 16:54:49 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

Is there a park or something you could go to pink? That won't take up all the time but maybe just sitting or taking a walk would help.

It's been a really hard year. It's no excuse to be mean to your partner but it seems like Mister is just in a bad spot and angry at the world. Regulating emotions takes work.

As azucena suggested all you can do is focus on you. I'm sure I have been less than kind to DH at points this year. I try but sometimes I'm just angry and over it all.

Yes, last week when I was trying to remember the things I use to do to try to soothe myself, I remembered that from the time I was a teenager and could drive legally, a lot of times when I was distressed, I use to drive to the riverfront and just sit and watch the mighty Mississippi River do it’s thing. 

Bodies of water seem to have a calming effect on me, which I guess is why I love going to beaches, even though I’m not trying to get in the water. Even if I’m on a beach where the water is so clear that I can see my toes when I stand in it, I’m not going farther than where the water is around my ankles lol. And if the water is not clear, I’m not even putting my toes in it.

But now I live far from the riverfront, and I have to be mindful of gas and shit like that, because my money is funny and gas costs money.

But I did go walk on my favorite trail I use to ride my bike on, with DS Tuesday. I enjoyed it, but walking on the trail was not as enjoyable as riding on it, because I’m so scary. Between critters and 2 legged animals, all of the places I use to go to be in nature and try to soothe my soul, are more scary to me now, than they use to be. 

I know Mister is in a bad place, and I was prepared for him to push me away, because I know him. I just was not prepared for him to act like we are strangers, or even worse, for him to act like I’m somebody he doesn’t even like. 

He said a couple days ago that he is angry. I understand that that is part of grieving for a lot of people, and just something they need to work through. But at the same time, I don’t know how to deal with that kind of stuff. I’m the kind of person that if we have a problem with each other and I care about the relationship, let’s hash that shit out. And if your behavior toward me is really not due to anything I’ve done, acknowledge that you were wrong with how you treated me, and let’s just try to move forward. So, I can accept the withdrawal, but not the acting an ass.

I can’t imagine the kind of turmoil Mister must be feeling, and I am willing to give him all the space I can, for him to deal with it however he needs to, without me trying to make him talk to me about what he is feeling, or even expecting him to try to be a good partner in a relationship. I understand and feel like his shit has priority over relationship stuff. I just have a limit, where you can’t keep being an asshole to me, whether that is right or wrong. 

[weltz]

Sept 28, 2023 16:58:50 GMT -5 swamp said:

My dumb dog rolled in something dead.  2 baths later she still stinks. 

Make a mixture of one part dish soap or shampoo, one part baking soda and one part hydrogen peroxide.  Apply to the dog for as long as possible, then wash it out.
If it worked on my pitties who liked to chase skunks, it will work on a dead animal smell. Guaranteed.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

We came pretty close to divorcing last year.

First it was him. Then it was me. I don't think either one of us have ever been that angry at the world even at our worst.

It did not help my mother's death was traumatic. My brain allowed me to function but it wasn't allowing me to process out of self preservation.

But the emotions would leak out. I'm not a physical person but there were days murder was an option. I hadn't felt like that since I had PPD with Gwen.

I asked him once how the hell are you suppose to be a supportive spouse when you are both broken?

We were pretty much roommates last year.

We've slowly gotten better over time once we both passed the year mark.

Yeah we had kids but we've also invested 20 years in each other. I lost my mom and his mom I was damned if the universe was going to take my marriage too.

So we existed till we had the brain space to come to together along with therapy and anti depressants for me. He's already been on Prozac for years.

[Pink Cashmere]

So, in an effort to talk about something less stressful….

Let’s talk about water hoses.

The water hose that Mister paid a lot of money for, that ended up being the supply for the drip irrigation system in the bed where my tomatoes are, has sprung a leak. The hole is near the faucet. After I saw my tomato plants have dozens of tomato babies on them, despite my neglect because I’d bailed on them, I figured I should maybe start watering them again. The soil is so dry that now,  that there is a small gap between the soil and the container. 

But turning on the faucet, waters the area around the faucet, and not the bed where the tomatoes are, because there is a hole in the water hose now.

The cages for the tomatoes are leaning, and when I tried to stand them up today, it wasn’t working, and one of the cages actually broke. So I turned the water on, in hopes of making the soil more cooperative, but the water spewed out of the hole in the water hose, more than it fed the irrigation system in the vegetable bed. 

So the cages are still leaning, and basically useless, and the branches on one plant are actually on the ground, with tiny tomatoes growing, and I don’t know how to fix it. I thought that if I could get the cages to be upright, I could maybe tie the branches to the cages, but the cages won’t even act right. 

I did take a tomato off the plants today, that was starting turn colors, and it is the one of the very few this season that wasn’t ugly like most of them have been. If I can get some more like that out of the dozens that have suddenly started growing so late in the season, I will be happy.

[weltz]

I'm getting ads for both dominatrix outfits and burqas/niqabs/chadors in my feed. How can that be?

[cooper88]

You definitely get what you pay for with water hoses. I finally got one with a lifetime warranty (lasted two years lol) but they replaced it right away. New one has been going strong for seven years. It's a Gilmour Flexogen. Worth every penny, but it does get heavy dragging it around. If that hole looks kind of square, it's probably a squirrel trying to get to the water.

[Tennesseer]

Sept 28, 2023 18:18:07 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 28, 2023 16:54:49 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

Is there a park or something you could go to pink? That won't take up all the time but maybe just sitting or taking a walk would help.

It's been a really hard year. It's no excuse to be mean to your partner but it seems like Mister is just in a bad spot and angry at the world. Regulating emotions takes work.

As azucena suggested all you can do is focus on you. I'm sure I have been less than kind to DH at points this year. I try but sometimes I'm just angry and over it all.

Yes, last week when I was trying to remember the things I use to do to try to soothe myself, I remembered that from the time I was a teenager and could drive legally, a lot of times when I was distressed, I use to drive to the riverfront and just sit and watch the mighty Mississippi River do it’s thing. 

Bodies of water seem to have a calming effect on me, which I guess is why I love going to beaches, even though I’m not trying to get in the water. Even if I’m on a beach where the water is so clear that I can see my toes when I stand in it, I’m not going farther than where the water is around my ankles lol. And if the water is not clear, I’m not even putting my toes in it.

But now I live far from the riverfront, and I have to be mindful of gas and shit like that, because my money is funny and gas costs money.

But I did go walk on my favorite trail I use to ride my bike on, with DS Tuesday. I enjoyed it, but walking on the trail was not as enjoyable as riding on it, because I’m so scary. Between critters and 2 legged animals, all of the places I use to go to be in nature and try to soothe my soul, are more scary to me now, than they use to be. 

I know Mister is in a bad place, and I was prepared for him to push me away, because I know him. I just was not prepared for him to act like we are strangers, or even worse, for him to act like I’m somebody he doesn’t even like. 

He said a couple days ago that he is angry. I understand that that is part of grieving for a lot of people, and just something they need to work through. But at the same time, I don’t know how to deal with that kind of stuff. I’m the kind of person that if we have a problem with each other and I care about the relationship, let’s hash that shit out. And if your behavior toward me is really not due to anything I’ve done, acknowledge that you were wrong with how you treated me, and let’s just try to move forward. So, I can accept the withdrawal, but not the acting an ass.

I can’t imagine the kind of turmoil Mister must be feeling, and I am willing to give him all the space I can, for him to deal with it however he needs to, without me trying to make him talk to me about what he is feeling, or even expecting him to try to be a good partner in a relationship. I understand and feel like his shit has priority over relationship stuff. I just have a limit, where you can’t keep being an asshole to me, whether that is right or wrong. 

If you ever feel like driving again to watch the river, may I suggest you go to the Ornamental Metal Museum in Memphis. Located above the river. It has a very broad and pretty view of the river like the picture below. Around 2010-2011 when the river was at its highest in years due to heavy snow melt up north, and having previously been to the Metal Museum, I knew I could get great pictures of the river from the museum and share them with family and friends up north.  The picture below is not from that photo shoot but from the Metal Museum's internet site.

[Tennesseer]

Sept 28, 2023 19:09:30 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So, in an effort to talk about something less stressful….

Let’s talk about water hoses.

The water hose that Mister paid a lot of money for, that ended up being the supply for the drip irrigation system in the bed where my tomatoes are, has sprung a leak. The hole is near the faucet. After I saw my tomato plants have dozens of tomato babies on them, despite my neglect because I’d bailed on them, I figured I should maybe start watering them again. The soil is so dry that now,  that there is a small gap between the soil and the container. 

But turning on the faucet, waters the area around the faucet, and not the bed where the tomatoes are, because there is a hole in the water hose now.

The cages for the tomatoes are leaning, and when I tried to stand them up today, it wasn’t working, and one of the cages actually broke. So I turned the water on, in hopes of making the soil more cooperative, but the water spewed out of the hole in the water hose, more than it fed the irrigation system in the vegetable bed. 

So the cages are still leaning, and basically useless, and the branches on one plant are actually on the ground, with tiny tomatoes growing, and I don’t know how to fix it. I thought that if I could get the cages to be upright, I could maybe tie the branches to the cages, but the cages won’t even act right. 

I did take a tomato off the plants today, that was starting turn colors, and it is the one of the very few this season that wasn’t ugly like most of them have been. If I can get some more like that out of the dozens that have suddenly started growing so late in the season, I will be happy.

Would duct tape fix the hose/faucet?

[andi9899]

Sept 28, 2023 17:45:52 GMT -5 swamp said:

Sept 28, 2023 17:23:20 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

PetSmart sells deodorizing spray. I forgot the brands. We got some when Midnight and Sabah rolled in dead garter snake.

Tractor supply has a “stop the stink” shampoo.  Now she smells like floral dead fish. 

Everyone on tik tok says to make a paste with baking soda, blue dawn dish soap and hydrogen peroxide. This is to get skunk smell out, so maybe it will work for death smell too...?

[andi9899]

Sept 28, 2023 17:43:58 GMT -5 busymom said:

Sept 28, 2023 15:52:39 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I went to look at the house by my parent's and it is rented. I found another one that I'm driving by tonight. It's a single family house. It's $200/month cheaper than the townhouse. However, I'd be responsible for the yard, so is it really cheaper by the time I hire a lawn service?

The house is in a better area and is a true month to month lease. The townhouse would charge $2K to break the lease if I found a house a year or two from now if I wasn't at the end of my lease.

The house has a garage, shed, bonus office in addition to the 3 BR. The townhouse doesn't have any of those things. The townhouse has an extra bathroom, but both are upstairs, so my mom couldn't use the bathroom at my house. Also no dishwasher at the house.

What do y'all think? I'm kinda torn.

ETA: Because of the zip code, my car insurance would go down a little bit. Not a lot, but a little bit.

   I'd take the house, and do the mowing myself.  Mowing isn't all that bad, unless the lawn is huge.  JMHO.  When house shopping, the right house has NEVER popped up at the "perfect" time for us, so I'd take the month to month deal.

But won't I get grass all over me. Plus it get really hot here in the summer. I'd rather just pay the money since it's only a problem for half the year.

[andi9899]

Man! I wanted chips and cheese and the one in the fridge is expired. I don't have another one. This house is like a freaking grocery store! How do I not have another one?! I'm too lazy to actually make the sauce, so I'll just be pissy instead.

[andi9899]

Sept 28, 2023 18:56:12 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

We came pretty close to divorcing last year.

First it was him. Then it was me. I don't think either one of us have ever been that angry at the world even at our worst.

It did not help my mother's death was traumatic. My brain allowed me to function but it wasn't allowing me to process out of self preservation.

But the emotions would leak out. I'm not a physical person but there were days murder was an option. I hadn't felt like that since I had PPD with Gwen.

I asked him once how the hell are you suppose to be a supportive spouse when you are both broken?

We were pretty much roommates last year.

We've slowly gotten better over time once we both passed the year mark.

Yeah we had kids but we've also invested 20 years in each other. I lost my mom and his mom I was damned if the universe was going to take my marriage too.

So we existed till we had the brain space to come to together along with therapy and anti depressants for me. He's already been on Prozac for years.

I can't even imagine. My mom gets on my last nerve, but I'd spiral if she died. My dad's death will completely break me. We've always been two peas in a pod. I just teared up thinking about it and he's just fine.

[CCL]

Sept 28, 2023 19:49:05 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Sept 28, 2023 19:09:30 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So, in an effort to talk about something less stressful….

Let’s talk about water hoses.

The water hose that Mister paid a lot of money for, that ended up being the supply for the drip irrigation system in the bed where my tomatoes are, has sprung a leak. The hole is near the faucet. After I saw my tomato plants have dozens of tomato babies on them, despite my neglect because I’d bailed on them, I figured I should maybe start watering them again. The soil is so dry that now,  that there is a small gap between the soil and the container. 

But turning on the faucet, waters the area around the faucet, and not the bed where the tomatoes are, because there is a hole in the water hose now.

The cages for the tomatoes are leaning, and when I tried to stand them up today, it wasn’t working, and one of the cages actually broke. So I turned the water on, in hopes of making the soil more cooperative, but the water spewed out of the hole in the water hose, more than it fed the irrigation system in the vegetable bed. 

So the cages are still leaning, and basically useless, and the branches on one plant are actually on the ground, with tiny tomatoes growing, and I don’t know how to fix it. I thought that if I could get the cages to be upright, I could maybe tie the branches to the cages, but the cages won’t even act right. 

I did take a tomato off the plants today, that was starting turn colors, and it is the one of the very few this season that wasn’t ugly like most of them have been. If I can get some more like that out of the dozens that have suddenly started growing so late in the season, I will be happy.

Would duct tape fix the hose/faucet?

My sister uses Flexseal. She claims it works on everything lol.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nothing quite prepares you for when your 13 year old son comes home and declares he needs some Barbie clothes.  Never a dull moment around here I'll tell ya.

[raeoflyte]

Sept 28, 2023 20:14:42 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 28, 2023 17:43:58 GMT -5 busymom said:

   I'd take the house, and do the mowing myself.  Mowing isn't all that bad, unless the lawn is huge.  JMHO.  When house shopping, the right house has NEVER popped up at the "perfect" time for us, so I'd take the month to month deal.

But won't I get grass all over me. Plus it get really hot here in the summer. I'd rather just pay the money since it's only a problem for half the year.

Just don't wear your nice sneakers to mow in and you'll be fine.

It's nice to be able to hire it out but it's an easy household chore too.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 28, 2023 19:49:05 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Sept 28, 2023 19:09:30 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So, in an effort to talk about something less stressful….

Let’s talk about water hoses.

The water hose that Mister paid a lot of money for, that ended up being the supply for the drip irrigation system in the bed where my tomatoes are, has sprung a leak. The hole is near the faucet. After I saw my tomato plants have dozens of tomato babies on them, despite my neglect because I’d bailed on them, I figured I should maybe start watering them again. The soil is so dry that now,  that there is a small gap between the soil and the container. 

But turning on the faucet, waters the area around the faucet, and not the bed where the tomatoes are, because there is a hole in the water hose now.

The cages for the tomatoes are leaning, and when I tried to stand them up today, it wasn’t working, and one of the cages actually broke. So I turned the water on, in hopes of making the soil more cooperative, but the water spewed out of the hole in the water hose, more than it fed the irrigation system in the vegetable bed. 

So the cages are still leaning, and basically useless, and the branches on one plant are actually on the ground, with tiny tomatoes growing, and I don’t know how to fix it. I thought that if I could get the cages to be upright, I could maybe tie the branches to the cages, but the cages won’t even act right. 

I did take a tomato off the plants today, that was starting turn colors, and it is the one of the very few this season that wasn’t ugly like most of them have been. If I can get some more like that out of the dozens that have suddenly started growing so late in the season, I will be happy.

Would duct tape fix the hose/faucet?

Idk, but that was what I originally intended with my post, to talk about fixing the water hose lol. 

I used Flex Seal on the bird bath, and it seemed to be described as a sealant with many uses, and reviews agreed that it worked for multiple impressive purposes, even to repair certain things and prevent water damage.I still have some, so there’s nothing lost, by trying to see if it will fix the water hose.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 28, 2023 20:41:23 GMT -5 CCL said:

Sept 28, 2023 19:49:05 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Would duct tape fix the hose/faucet?

My sister uses Flexseal. She claims it works on everything lol.

I guess I am on the right track then, thinking the Flex Seal I have should fix my water hose lol.

[busymom]

Sept 28, 2023 20:14:42 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 28, 2023 17:43:58 GMT -5 busymom said:

   I'd take the house, and do the mowing myself.  Mowing isn't all that bad, unless the lawn is huge.  JMHO.  When house shopping, the right house has NEVER popped up at the "perfect" time for us, so I'd take the month to month deal.

But won't I get grass all over me. Plus it get really hot here in the summer. I'd rather just pay the money since it's only a problem for half the year.

   I don't have a problem with getting grass on me, but then we usually have the bag on the mower, or DH sets up the mower so it mulches & the cut grass ends up on top of the lawn.  During the hot months here, we mow after dinner when it's a bit cooler.  Or, you can break up the task.  Mow the front one day, and the backyard the next.  

[busymom]

Sept 28, 2023 20:42:04 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nothing quite prepares you for when your 13 year old son comes home and declares he needs some Barbie clothes.  Never a dull moment around here I'll tell ya.

   Wait until high school when they're responsible for a bag of flour for a week.  That's how our high school tries to prepare kids for parenthood.  If you leave your flour "baby" in your locker, it's an automatic fail.  I gave DD a front loading baby carrier to use to carry her flour around school, so she could manage it plus her backpack.  

[Works4me]

Sept 28, 2023 20:42:04 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nothing quite prepares you for when your 13 year old son comes home and declares he needs some Barbie clothes.  Never a dull moment around here I'll tell ya.

And why is your 13 year old son asking for Barbie clothes?

[countrygirl2]

You can buy a repair kit for the hose if tape doesn't work. You can cut off below the hole and replace that end with the replacement kit. I believe instructions are in it. They work we have used them before.

In the interim carry a few buckets of water to water your tomatoes with, they will appreciate it.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Sept 28, 2023 21:22:03 GMT -5 Works4me said:

Sept 28, 2023 20:42:04 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nothing quite prepares you for when your 13 year old son comes home and declares he needs some Barbie clothes.  Never a dull moment around here I'll tell ya.

And why is your 13 year old son asking for Barbie clothes?

It's the homecoming theme.  He was beach Ken yesterday and tomorrow is all Pink and he wanted a Barbie themed pink shirt. Of course, our town was sold out of everything Barbie or even just pink due to every other kid in high school cleaning the places out.  I had some clothes to return in another town, so we made it a night out for dinner and hitting the Target there.

[giramomma]

When DD1 had her little barbie movie pre-party, she had a boy over that got dressed up in a matching pink shirt with DD1 and her friend.

He did not put tinsel in his hair, though..

We also still have tinsel in our carpet.

[weltz]

My neighbour, who always says I make the best cream of mushroom soup on the planet, said I've outdone myself today.  I must admit, it really is good. I added sherry and nutmeg today.

[andi9899]

My boxing instructor decided today was arm day. The soreness has already started to set in. It usually doesn't happen until the next day.

[lurkyloo]

Sept 28, 2023 20:12:30 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 28, 2023 17:45:52 GMT -5 swamp said:

Tractor supply has a “stop the stink” shampoo.  Now she smells like floral dead fish. 

Everyone on tik tok says to make a paste with baking soda, blue dawn dish soap and hydrogen peroxide. This is to get skunk smell out, so maybe it will work for death smell too...?

Different stink chemistry 
Skunk smell is sulfur based, butanethiol as I recall.  Thiols oxidize (hydrogen peroxide) very easily, even more so in the presence of base (baking soda) and none of the higher oxidation states are anywhere near as stinky.

Dead body smell is mostly long chain polyamines, nitrogen instead of sulfur.  You can google cadaverine or putrescine if you want to see example structures.  Amines will oxidize with hydrogen peroxide, but not as easily as thiols and you probably need to get every nitrogen in the chain up to the amine oxide to really be effective.  The bigger difference to my mind is that amines are greasy under basic conditions but water soluble in acidic conditions.  Although, they need to be in basic/non-protonated form to be oxidized by hydrogen peroxide….Long story short, I’d probably follow up with a diluted vinegar (acid) rinse so she can smell like salad dressing instead of dead fish 

[Peace77]

Sept 28, 2023 22:16:15 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

My boxing instructor decided today was arm day. The soreness has already started to set in. It usually doesn't happen until the next day.

Magnesium lotion or Epsom salt baths can be helpful.

[chiver78]

Sept 28, 2023 17:37:19 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 28, 2023 16:11:36 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Do you have to hire a lawn service?  Just mow it yourself.  I'm assuming it's not real big if in town.

I've never pushed a lawnmower in my life. I wouldn't even know what to do, nor would I want to learn.

I'm with you here.

[jerseygirl]

Sept 28, 2023 22:16:15 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

My boxing instructor decided today was arm day. The soreness has already started to set in. It usually doesn't happen until the next day.

Mow a lawn to get great arms!

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

This evening we went to an old favorite for SLAP.  It’s a pub really out in the middle of no where, in Bow.  

Anyway, I recently was sold, and the new owners started it out as only being open part of the week.  It’s now open all week, for most of the day.  Pretty much the same menu, so all was good.  I had a plum and basil dry cider.  It was quite good, I need to find out who makes it.