what are you doing right now?

[giramomma]

I think everything is getting to me.

I slept on and off for most of the day, which helped with the physical stuff

The job I had the first interview for on Wednesday, they thanked me for my thank you note and gave an update like they said they would.

I really, really need this job.

I'll hear about whether or not I get a second interview next week.

The workplace situation is the reason for the physical issues. There's no other explanation.

This morning I was ready to pick a few fights at school drop off this morning. I'm just so tired of people.

I know my DH cares about me. It was just one of those times, though, where I had to point out that he was missing the point, again, because he wasn't listening to me. Either that, or he could approach the listening with an empathy lens. I had to clarify several times. His response had nothing to do with the question I asked.

[toomuchreality]

Sept 1, 2023 20:18:38 GMT -5 taz157 said:

Sept 1, 2023 20:14:02 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Is there something going on with your water at home?  Do you have a water softener or anything?

No, I don't think anything is going on with our water at home as I don't notice any difference with washing our hands with soap. We don't have a water softener either. We have city water too.

We had a water leak last winter/spring. When they finally completed the repair, they left the adjustment for the water pressure to the bldg lower than it had been. Even though they got several complaints, they have not increased it back to what I consider to be normal. I have always had short hair (I'm growing it out now, but still only shoulder length). Even my shorter hair takes at least twice as long to rinse. My shoulder length hair seems to take forever. Everything takes so much longer now. Quite often , I feel like I didn't quite get all the soap off my hands, after they dry. I hate it.

I hope you find something that works for you.

[taz157]

Sept 1, 2023 20:28:22 GMT -5 finnime said:

taz157, is your water very soft? That can leave hair feeling like it's still coated.

I don’t think it’s very soft. How do I tell?

[finnime]

It's interesting because hard water is much more often considered to be the problem. With hard water you don't get suds when washing with soap, and minerals build up at water fixtures. With soft water it feels "slippery" and IMO hair, less harshly treated at rinsing, feels like it's coated.

You can do a rude test by sheking tap water with soap (not detergent) and check to see if bubbles form easily. If yes, softer water; no, harder water.

[finnime]

My DH is 10 years older than I. He has 2 major conditions that will most likely end his life, diabetes and chronic kidney disease, now in stage 5. He is looking right now at starting peritoneal dialysis within a couple of months. The kidney stone he has right now just pushed the issue.

Unless I get hit by the proverbial bus it's highly likely I'll outlive him.

He does have fears of being let go before it's his time. He does agree with me, that no life-extending measures should be taken without a real result likely of a return to health. He is also definite that his time is not now. I will be caring for him as I have during previous health crises as needed. With help, as much as we can get.

I am clear with everyone including DH that I do not want ever to live in a nursing home. Rehab, sure, but a nursing home is to me a non-starter. I'd prefer to die sooner. And DH will not take care of messy physical stuff for me; he's not strong enough nor has enough stamina. Assisted living sounds good. And I do not want to go on if I start sinking into the depths of dementia. My mind is one of my best things. I do not want to live without it.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 1, 2023 19:59:58 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Sept 1, 2023 19:36:20 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Good grief! That is really discouraging.

Even with Mister in my life, I try to plan for my retirement as if I would be on my own. I just need to know I can be okay on my own, I guess because I was single for so long. 

When I finally agreed to get married, it was mostly for practical purposes, I am committed to spending my life with him regardless of whether we are married or not. I took that commitment seriously when I made it. But I understand that being his wife vs his girlfriend, gives us both protection against certain things. And I understand that even being married, we still need to sort some things out on paper, legally.

Now that he is officially a disabled veteran, other people, including other disabled veterans that know his status (NOT because I told them. I don’t tell his/our business IRL) keep sweating me about why I need to be married to him, because of the benefits of him being a disabled veteran. I appreciate the advice, but it also kind of irritates me, because I’ve never been with Mister for what I thought being with him could do for me, when we first started our relationship, he didn’t have shit, and I made more money than he did. 

I finally was able to wrap my mind around the idea of us getting married last year, but my commitment to him was already pretty much what it would be whether we are married or not. I get irritated because if I hadn’t already decided to get married, I wouldn’t base that decision on what people keep telling me now that I should do because of the benefits of being the spouse of a disabled veteran. 

They know Mister’s status as a veteran, because he got the associated license plates on the vehicles, because it’s cheaper and gives him access to Handicapped parking, and I also drive the Tahoe sometimes. 

I appreciate them trying to look out for me, but just say what you have to say and leave it alone and let me make my own decisions. I’m going to marry Mister just because I want to, and that was already decided before he got the benefits he has now as a disabled veteran. WTF? Leave me tf alone about that.

If you think I’m being silly by not immediately trying to take advantage of his status as a disabled veteran, and rushing to marry him, just let me be silly. And STFU. 

This is actually shocking to me, that people would push you to marry someone for the "benefits" whether it's his VA stuff, a big 401K or whatever.  Partnership with someone is tough enough even with love and commitment-I can't imagine doing it for $$.  As you say, you've always taken care of your business and your life.  Yes, there are a lot of practical reasons for legal marriage including the U.S. Tax code which still favors married couples, and other legal protections.  But that's no reason at all if you don't love the person you are marrying.  

None of this is coming from my family, none of my family knows Mister is a disabled veteran, because I don’t talk about that kind of stuff IRL, and even if my family members ever do see the tags on the vehicles, most of them wouldn’t even know what it means. 

I do love Mister and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. But like I said before, I made that decision and commitment, years ago, when he didn’t have much to offer me besides his love and commitment to me. I helped him get his finances and credit together after that, and I cheered him on and supported him when he was chasing promotions, and in a few years, the tables turned and he was making more money than me, and now his income is at least double what mine is. He is after another promotion now, and I am supporting him and doing what I can behind the scenes to help him. like I always have, just because I want him to be successful at whatever he wants to accomplish. 

I understand that money can make life easier in some ways, but that’s not why I settled down with Mister. He didn’t have any money back then, and if money was that important to me, I had other choices at the time…. men that had a lot more money than Mister did at the time, if money was what I was chasing. But I was good with being single, and I had my own shit,  everything I needed, and I could afford a lot of what I wanted, so a man couldn’t impress me enough and make me want to be with him because he had money. 

Until I settled down with Mister, I LOVED being single, and no man, regardless of how much money they had, had been able to convince me to do what I agreed to do with Mister’s broke ass lol.

And I have no regrets. 

I’m not, and never have been in it with Mister because of money and benefits. It’s probably just another example of how I am naive about a lot of things, but I really do feel some type of way when people insist on telling me I should marry Mister because of all the benefits of being married to a disabled veteran. Like I said before, if I’m being silly with that not being a reason for me to want marry Mister, just let me be silly and STFU.

[countrygirl2]

You can add vinegar to water and rinse your hair, it will take the soap out and leave it soft. Sometimes though it will create flyaway hair after it dries.  You can also add baking soda to the shampoo in your hand and wash your hair which will take all the old products out of it, then do the vinegar rinse.  I have used the volume shampoos and they do make my hair feel coated, I quit. The cheaper Pantene and Sauve seem to be about as good or better than the expensive shampoos. I do like the Caviar shampoos but can hardly find them any longer.

We have a softener and sometimes your hair doesn't feel rinsed well.

Hubs went to bed early tonight, I still think he doesn't feel well. That is 100% not like him at all. I am somewhat concerned about him.

I'm thinking about going to bed too. I'm tired after working in the yard.

[countrygirl2]

Pink, have Mister see a chiropractor, they can help with sciatica, it may take a few treatments. He has probably been tense over all the going ons.

[finnime]

Good morning, sage invisipeeps, knocking on the doors of your lives. Welcome to Saturday, Labor Day weekend for those in the U.S. I hope your day opens and extends easily and merrily. And I hope you have plans to get away for a week or weekend some time before Halloween, just to reset and let the river of life flow.

We're leaving for Maine in less than two hours. Hope the traffic from New Hampshire isn't impossible. We should get there well before 9:00. We'll see ODB, YDB and GF, and DSis with Gretel the Dog. DD is staying here, her choice. I need to jump in the shower soon. Also, pack some drinks.

My hairdresser was amazed that I could get going on a trip with overnights without spending hours and hours packing and preparing. Me, I'm amazed that it could take so long. One thing I learned during some intense work years of travel was to never really completely unpack. And to throw the things I used in the morning--medication, toothbrush, etc.--in the bag. That way I didn't forget anything small and essential. I never have forgotten to bring larger and essential things like pants.

Yesterday was a brilliant weather day, as portended by the dawn.

[andi9899]

Sept 1, 2023 20:08:15 GMT -5 taz157 said:

For those that have long hair, how do you get the shampoo out of your hair?  What type of shampoo do you use?  What type of hair do you have?

I keep my hair between chin & shoulder-length to about 3 inches below my shoulders.  I tend to get it cut when it's longer than that before I have trouble getting the shampoo out of my hair.  I rinse my hair for 3-5 minutes while moving my fingers through my hair.  After it's dried and later in the day, it just feels like there is shampoo still in it.  DD1 is growing out her hair and it's close to halfway down her back now.  According to her, she rinsed her hair for a good 5 minutes and it didn't feel like all the shampoo when rinsed out.

For shampoo, I use either Aussie Volume, Herbal Essence Color Me Happy, Paul Mitchell Tee Tree color-safe shampoo.  With conditioner, I use Aussie's leave-in conditioner and a conditioning spray.  DD1 uses Paul Mitchell Tee Tree color-safe shampoo and no conditioner.  I've talked with her about using conditioner and I've gotten her a leave-in conditioner, but she tends to forget to use it.

What am I missing when shampooing hair?  When it's shampooed at the salon, they have no problem getting the shampoo out and our hair feels great!  What gives?

I use this shampoo and conditioner. I've never had problems rinsing it out.

www.target.com/p/l-39-oreal-paris-elvive-dream-lengths-restoring-shampoo-for-long-damaged-hair-28-fl-oz/-/A-80014689

I like Maui moisture shampoo and conditioner too. I have waist length hair.

[alabamagal]

Sad to hear of the passing of Jimmy Buffett. I saw him in concert in Miami in 1980 and then at an awesome outdoor venue in Alabama 4 years ago. Not a parrot head but just a fan

Will have a margarita tonight in his memory.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Preatiq plus Nyqil leads to some weird ass dreams.

But you sleep like the dead. I don't think a bomb could have woke me up.

I needed that. My head and throat still hurt but I feel better than I did yesterday

[andi9899]

I was helping my grandma get into the house last night. She seems a bit more frail. I don't think she's going to be around much longer. ☹️

[cooper88]

Also sad to hear about Jimmy Buffet alabamagal

[giramomma]

I told DH that he needs to expand his job search.  At least that would take the pay threshold off of my plate, in terms of applying for jobs.

I have a good portion of sick leave and PTO. I don't want to use it up on this, though.

I also think I'm going to talk to someone about how to document the effects of the work environment.

Meds are the only thing I'm not doing or haven't tried.

I also think I need to get off face book. Which sucks, because there's some nice groups related to my hobbies.

Yesterday, I saw a short of a woman whose stage 2 breast cancer came back in her liver and somewhere else like 5 years later.

Dh is being DH. Oh, you are too stubborn to die early.

And, if my years are numbered, this is not where I want to be working.

I need someone to acknowledge my reality.

To be 25 and blissfully ignorant of life.

[NoNamePerson]

Sept 2, 2023 8:10:22 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I was helping my grandma get into the house last night. She seems a bit more frail. I don't think she's going to be around much longer. ☹️

[raeoflyte]

Sept 2, 2023 9:15:42 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I told DH that he needs to expand his job search.  At least that would take the pay threshold off of my plate, in terms of applying for jobs.

I have a good portion of sick leave and PTO. I don't want to use it up on this, though.

I also think I'm going to talk to someone about how to document the effects of the work environment.

Meds are the only thing I'm not doing or haven't tried.

I also think I need to get off face book. Which sucks, because there's some nice groups related to my hobbies.

Yesterday, I saw a short of a woman whose stage 2 breast cancer came back in her liver and somewhere else like 5 years later.

Dh is being DH. Oh, you are too stubborn to die early.

And, if my years are numbered, this is not where I want to be working.

I need someone to acknowledge my reality.

To be 25 and blissfully ignorant of life.

Hugs Gira. I feel that a little too much.

[raeoflyte]

When faced with needing to use insurance from dh's job we remember why we never looked at it as viable option. The cheapest option is $350 a month more in premiums than what we're paying on mine. Plus his is for an epo instead of an hsa.

Not to mention the fact that dh has rarely consistently held to 30 hours a week, which he needs to be offered benefits. He started looking at adding a 4th day even before all this went down and has officially signed on for an additional 6 hour shift which should keep him solidly over 30 though.

I need to look at the deductible/oop max again. I'm not sure when things are likely to go down, but I think my boss is pretty sold on moving - which I think is my best bet for keeping some kind of income. My plan is to take dh's companies cheapest plan. Test drive it on some appointments and rx's and see how the copay/deductible piece works then see if we want to switch at open enrollment. But their hsa and other plans go to $1200-$1500 a month just for premiums which I'm not excited about.

I'm kicking myself for not tightening our budget earlier too. We have savings thankfully but savings I hate to use.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Sept 1, 2023 19:46:41 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

In other exciting news, 2nd grade is shaping up to be a complete and utter shits-how.  Apparently I am not an idiot, and everything that is happening in the classroom (or, more specifically what content is not being covered by direct classroom instruction) is indeed actually a problem.  While I feel a little bit better that my perception has been validated, it's still very problematic.  Open house is next week.  We'll see how that goes.  Once I have DH's schedule for the week starting on Monday, we will also be touring the private school that is at the top of my list at the moment.

[minnesotapaintlady]

WHY DO I SWEAT SO DAMN MUCH!?!?  Seriously, this is ridiculous.  I was out working not even that hard and my hair is soaked like I just got out of the shower.  I wasn't even sweaty outside because there was a nice breeze, it wasn't until I came in the house and sat down that I became drenched.  I was going to skip going to Women's Health this year for an annual, but maybe I will and ask them if this is some kind of menopause thing.  I don't get hot flashes and I still am as regular as ever on the monthlies, but something is up.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Sept 2, 2023 9:53:08 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

 Plus his is for an epo instead of an hsa.

What exactly is an EPO?  I'm familiar with PPO and HMO, but I was seeing some EPO offerings on the MN site and have no idea how those work.

[finnime]

It's not easy at all, raeoflyte, to piece together a suite of benefits. Health insurance is probably the most difficult. Your plan sounds like it's workable but it won't be easy. Best to you.

[TheOtherMe]

Sept 2, 2023 8:10:22 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I was helping my grandma get into the house last night. She seems a bit more frail. I don't think she's going to be around much longer. ☹️

[countrygirl2]

Got up at 7:30, Smoke helped wake me up, sigh. I was  sleeping so well.

Paid 2 small bills, newspaper and rental light bill.

DD and I got our fasting blood draws so that is done. Ate breakfast at McD's.

Then went to bank and made a deposit. Stopped to get flea meds for the cats but they are closed for the weekend, don't blame them.

I forgot to get hubs  bananas and yogurt, didn't even think about it.

We were home by 11:30, I need to work but I'm so tired, think I will take a nap. Smokey is in the recliner with me snoozing. Tigger was good yesterday and cuddling, got his nails trimmed except for one. He was not upset at all.

Think I need to take a short nap.

[countrygirl2]

Hubs did good, he invested money for 5 year for 4.35%, another with Charles Swab for 5.30%, 1 year and one with Bank of America for 5.150%, these are CD's. Then my bond funds are earning well, so we are doing ok, at least for the next year.

[daisylu]

I'm about 5 seconds from not caring about about anyone or anything but myself.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Just finished our health insurance enrollment for this year. 
Now I have to figure out why $13K was removed from one of DH's retirement accounts and what account I have $1000/month going to. 
Is this annoying poop why some people are communists? 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Sept 2, 2023 11:26:00 GMT -5 daisylu said:

I'm about 5 seconds from not caring about about anyone or anything but myself.

Oh, well, you'll join me then. I'm there perpetually. 

[Peace77]

Sept 2, 2023 11:26:00 GMT -5 daisylu said:

I'm about 5 seconds from not caring about about anyone or anything but myself.

That sounds terrible.  What happened?

[daisylu]

Sept 2, 2023 11:28:19 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Sept 2, 2023 11:26:00 GMT -5 daisylu said:

I'm about 5 seconds from not caring about about anyone or anything but myself.

That sounds terrible.  What happened?

Just tired of trying so hard to take care of everyone else and it being unappreciated.