what are you doing right now?

[Deleted]

Sept 1, 2023 17:05:31 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Soupandstew,

What about a condo?

We can't afford a nice condo in a safe area which would run $500,000+ in Houston, plus monthly fees and special assessments.  And those communities are usually targeted to younger working professionals. The apartments we are looking at include on-site gyms and pools which would save us a lot monthly for our current gym membership.  The apartment communities we are interested in are targeted to active seniors.  Many of them offer regular social events such as wine or whisky tastings, poker nights, and such.  

[countrygirl2]

We do have a lot for seniors in our community here in Indiana. We have high rises with apartments, my mom lived there for 5 years, when she was there they have a store that delivered cooked food. We have a deli here where probably a lot go and some places will deliver. It was only 20% of whatever income you had. But there was an income limit, not an asset limit.

We have another facility that has apartments for seniors. Included in the rent is house cleaning services and lawn maintenance. You could go next door for meals $5, likely higher now. And when you could no longer stay there, the buildings next door were for assisted living. They also have another facility in town for assisted living that is less expensive.  Neither is set up to care for dementia patients though. We also have 2 nursing homes.

There is now a dialysis center here and the local hospital has a stand alone gym with an inside walking track and rehab facilities there. So there really is a lot here for older people. In the town people all over drive 4 wheelers and I'm sure a lot are using those instead of cars. It's not a bad place and if we could live in town I would likely be more satisfied here. This is too far out.

[Pink Cashmere]

I meant to mention earlier that Aunt D is also struggling with her younger brother being so sick. She told me this morning that this is hard on her, but reminded me again, to call her if there is anything she can do, no matter what time of day or night, call her if there is ANYTHING she can do. She said that several times to Mister and I yesterday, which is why I exchanged phone numbers with her, to reassure her that I would be able to call her if Mister doesn’t, and we or he really needs help with something, and so she can call or text me to check on Mister if she wants to.

She was able to help Mister figure out what to do back in February, when his Mom died, because she had to do it last year when her daughter died. Her daughter was younger than I am.  Her daughter died a few months after one of her and Mr. Messy’s younger sisters died. That sister was the first of the siblings to pass, and it was unexpected.

Aunt D’s husband has also been sick most of this year. So she’s been through a lot herself, since the beginning of last year. But this morning she expressed concern for her nephews, saying she can’t imagine what it’s like for Mister and his brother, with all that’s happened with both of their parents within a year’s time. 

The sister that died last year, I only saw her a couple of times. The first time I met her was at OD’s sweet 16 birthday party, and she was being very protective of me, because everyone knew OD’s Mom had cut up with Mister about not wanting me there, saying she was going to have security escort me out if I came, and some other stuff. Despite the fact that he paid at least half for the party. I didn’t want to go and potentially ruin OD’s birthday party just by being there, but OD was very clear that she wanted me to come to her party regardless of what her Mom said, and Mister really wanted me to go, so I went. And that Aunt offered to bring me food so I wouldn’t have to leave the safety of the table we were sitting at, to go get it myself (I politely declined), walk me to the restroom if I needed to go (I didn’t), anything she could think of to be try to help me be comfortable and not feel like I was alone in the lion’s den lol. I loved her for that.

Anyway, I’m rambling again, and I will hush now.

[andi9899]

Sept 1, 2023 14:27:59 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Going to happy hour for my birthday and then having porch cocktails since it's such a nice day. I went to Nordstrom for a little treat myself and bought some Oribe hair products (moisturizing shine cream and wave spray), and the woman checking me out grabbed one of those gift with purchase bags from the Clinique counter for me. And a random woman in the mall complimented my glasses. Good birthday so far!

Happy birthday!

[Deleted]

Sept 1, 2023 17:13:58 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

Sept 1, 2023 16:32:54 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

countrygirl2   Thanks for sharing the info about some home health services being covered by Medicare. That could be very helpful if we were in a situation where we needed dressing changes, injections, physical therapy and such.  If push comes to shove, I can hire a bi-weekly cleaning service, and we already have a landscaper for the yard.  I know our clinic offers some medical transport services too.  

Our biggest barrier to aging in place will be lack of a walk-in shower, and that will probably change when we move to an apartment.  

This is true, as long as it is skilled care (i.e., the services of a nurse or  therapist) that is medically necessary and is certified by a physician or physician's assistant, and you are homebound.  I may be confusing you with someone else, but if you have a Medicare Advantage plan, you would want to look at your plan's coverage. The Medicare Advantage plans are supposed to cover whatever Original Medicare Parts A and B cover, but the co-pays could be different. 

 

You are absolutely right that only medically necessary services certified by a physician are covered.  We do have an Advantage plan and it offers those services-I don't know what the co-pays would be but I suspect they are affordable.  I would have been immensely grateful for assistance with dressing changes after DH's prostatectomy as my lack of professional skill caused him additional pain as he was unable to tolerate any pain meds.  Miraculously, we were somehow able to keep the incision infection free.  I think our medical system fails to recognize the limits of familial care.  I had to sleep on the floor of our bedroom because my slightest movement in the bed caused him pain, and I had to be nearby to assist him to the bathroom many times night and day as some of his prescriptions produced severe diarrhea.  He could not tolerate any food either. He lost 20 lbs in two weeks before I finally got the attention of a physician who altered the meds.  

[NoNamePerson]

Happy Birthday Cookies Galore

[countrygirl2]

I cleaned 3/4's of the weeds out across the front of the house, filled a good sized wagon I pull behind the mower 3 times. I had to skirt an area because of biting ants today, so need to work there and clean across the other side of the front step tomorrow. I have 4 flower beds to clean and rose bushes along the fence boundary on top of the landscaping in front. So will likely take me a week to do it all. But its already looking better.

Before that I cleaned our sink and shower. I put the shower mat in the washer with a blanket and sheet and got it really clean, I never can just trying to scrub it, also cleaned the shower.  I have done a couple loads of laundry today too. Need to do one more at least.

Dinner wasn't much, hubs is still having issues. He had a bowl of green beans and potatoes and cottage cheese, he was afraid to eat too much. DD just wanted a bologna and cheese sandwich, I ate green beans. I broke them and cooked them last night, so good. 

Hubs said maybe I need to start taking a day off a week. You think? I think he needs to do more than that. He has lain around today, he needs to do that more often.

Hubs said the apple tree was loaded, varmints got all but 3 apples, my grapes have been too, think all of them are gone also. We have pawpaws and I got 2 ripe fruit, they are soooo good. I pulled 2 more, the only reason they were there is not ripe yet so the critters didn't eat them. Only a few out there now, very discouraging.

[countrygirl2]

Happy Birthday Cookies Galore.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 1, 2023 17:39:22 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Sept 1, 2023 17:13:58 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

This is true, as long as it is skilled care (i.e., the services of a nurse or  therapist) that is medically necessary and is certified by a physician or physician's assistant, and you are homebound.  I may be confusing you with someone else, but if you have a Medicare Advantage plan, you would want to look at your plan's coverage. The Medicare Advantage plans are supposed to cover whatever Original Medicare Parts A and B cover, but the co-pays could be different. 

 

You are absolutely right that only medically necessary services certified by a physician are covered.  We do have an Advantage plan and it offers those services-I don't know what the co-pays would be but I suspect they are affordable.  I would have been immensely grateful for assistance with dressing changes after DH's prostatectomy as my lack of professional skill caused him additional pain as he was unable to tolerate any pain meds.  Miraculously, we were somehow able to keep the incision infection free.  I think our medical system fails to recognize the limits of familial care.  I had to sleep on the floor of our bedroom because my slightest movement in the bed caused him pain, and I had to be nearby to assist him to the bathroom many times night and day as some of his prescriptions produced severe diarrhea.  He could not tolerate any food either. He lost 20 lbs in two weeks before I finally got the attention of a physician who altered the meds.  

I agree. And imo, that’s just one of the ways in which our medical and healthcare system sucks. For us to supposedly be such an advanced nation, thinking we are the smartest and best at everything, the way we take care of each other as a society, regarding mental and physical health, leaves a bit to be desired. Of course, it could be worse, but it could also be a lot better. Especially since we are so “civilized” and smart.

And in the interest of full disclosure, anybody that’s been reading my posts for a while, knows why I’ve started feeling some type of way about our healthcare system due to personal experience, even though I have pretty good health insurance. 

I’ve thought a lot over the last few years about what society expects families to do when it comes to being a caretaker. Using my Mom as an example, I am still in my working years, unable to retire even if I want to. Our system is set up so that most of us regular people have to work until at least our early 60’s, preferably until 70yo, for people my age. So if my Mom really needs 24/7 hands on  care, and I am expected to provide it for her because I’m her daughter, how does that work with me being expected to work long enough to retire? It can’t go both ways. Either I take care of my Mom full time, or I work full time. If I stop working, to take care of my Mom, now we are both in need of government assistance at some point. Or just SOL and suffering. 

That’s just a scenario, I am grateful that while my Mom does need help with some things, she does not require 24/7 care. And although it makes financial sense I guess, to work until I’m 70yo, I don’t see that happening. That’s not even on my radar. I don’t even see myself working until I’m 60yo. I am out as soon as I meet the minimum requirements for my employer, and I can make the money make sense. Which will be in my late 50’s.

My Grandmother was able to care for my Great Grandmother because she was no longer working. My Aunt and my Mom were able to care for my Grandmother because they were both retired. You were able to care for your husband after his surgery, because you are retired. Countrygirl stopped working so she could take care of her Mother, when she already had a disabled daughter. But that worked out because she had a husband who was still working and made decent money. What if she didn’t have her husband? If we took Brother and Horseface out of the equation, Mister would not be able to provide the kind of care for his Dad that he needs. So what, Mister is supposed to give up his job that pays 6 figures, to be a “good“ son and take care of his Dad full time? And when Mister runs through his savings and has nothing left, what is he supposed to do then?

Before I contacted my relative after I learned they worked for the local Aging Commission, Mister had already contacted the local Aging Commission for guidance and help, and his Dad was put on a “waiting list”. My relative ended up not being much help, and Mister’s Dad is still on waiting lists as far as we know. What’s supposed to happen in the meantime, when a senior needs help that their family can’t provide?

I went on another rant, I apologize. Imma hush for real now lol

[Deleted]

Sept 1, 2023 17:17:35 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

We do have a lot for seniors in our community here in Indiana. We have high rises with apartments, my mom lived there for 5 years, when she was there they have a store that delivered cooked food. We have a deli here where probably a lot go and some places will deliver. It was only 20% of whatever income you had. But there was an income limit, not an asset limit.

We have another facility that has apartments for seniors. Included in the rent is house cleaning services and lawn maintenance. You could go next door for meals $5, likely higher now. And when you could no longer stay there, the buildings next door were for assisted living. They also have another facility in town for assisted living that is less expensive.  Neither is set up to care for dementia patients though. We also have 2 nursing homes.

There is now a dialysis center here and the local hospital has a stand alone gym with an inside walking track and rehab facilities there. So there really is a lot here for older people. In the town people all over drive 4 wheelers and I'm sure a lot are using those instead of cars. It's not a bad place and if we could live in town I would likely be more satisfied here. This is too far out.

There are lots of places here that offer "continuum of care" which means you can start out in an independent living apartment and then progress through stages like getting food in a dining room, to assisted living, to memory care.  The problem is that they are not for rent-you have to buy in and that runs $200,000-$600,000 up front plus monthly fees depending on services desired, usually starting at $1,500.  And that doesn't work well for couples who with differing needs as living in two separate areas raises the cost substantially.  The upside is when you die, your heirs do recover some percentage of your "purchase" price.  

That's part of our challenge - DH is 8 years older than I am and either of us could need more care than the other.  

Hope your DH gets better soon - having intestinal issues is no fun at all.

[Deleted]

Sept 1, 2023 18:42:35 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 1, 2023 17:39:22 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

You are absolutely right that only medically necessary services certified by a physician are covered.  We do have an Advantage plan and it offers those services-I don't know what the co-pays would be but I suspect they are affordable.  I would have been immensely grateful for assistance with dressing changes after DH's prostatectomy as my lack of professional skill caused him additional pain as he was unable to tolerate any pain meds.  Miraculously, we were somehow able to keep the incision infection free.  I think our medical system fails to recognize the limits of familial care.  I had to sleep on the floor of our bedroom because my slightest movement in the bed caused him pain, and I had to be nearby to assist him to the bathroom many times night and day as some of his prescriptions produced severe diarrhea.  He could not tolerate any food either. He lost 20 lbs in two weeks before I finally got the attention of a physician who altered the meds.  

I agree. And imo, that’s just one of the ways in which our medical and healthcare system sucks. For us to supposedly be such an advanced nation, thinking we are the smartest and best at everything, the way we take care of each other as a society, regarding mental and physical health, leaves a bit to be desired. Of course, it could be worse, but it could also be a lot better. Especially since we are so “civilized” and smart.

And in the interest of full disclosure, anybody that’s been reading my posts for a while, knows why I’ve started feeling some type of way about our healthcare system due to personal experience, even though I have pretty good health insurance. 

I’ve thought a lot over the last few years about what society expects families to do when it comes to being a caretaker. Using my Mom as an example, I am still in my working years, unable to retire even if I want to. Our system is set up so that most of us regular people have to work until at least our early 60’s, preferably until 70yo, for people my age. So if my Mom really needs 24/7 hands on  care, and I am expected to provide it for her because I’m her daughter, how does that work with me being expected to work long enough to retire? It can’t go both ways. Either I take care of my Mom full time, or I work full time. If I stop working, to take care of my Mom, now we are both in need of government assistance at some point. Or just SOL and suffering. 

That’s just a scenario, I am grateful that while my Mom does need help with some things, she does not require 24/7 care. And although it makes financial sense I guess, to work until I’m 70yo, I don’t see that happening. That’s not even on my radar. I don’t even see myself working until I’m 60yo. I am out as soon as I meet the minimum requirements for my employer, and I can make the money make sense. Which will be in my late 50’s.

My Grandmother was able to care for my Great Grandmother because she was no longer working. My Aunt and my Mom were able to care for my Grandmother because they were both retired. You were able to care for your husband after his surgery, because you are retired. Countrygirl stopped working so she could take care of her Mother, when she already had a disabled daughter. But that worked out because she had a husband who was still working and made decent money. What if she didn’t have her husband? If we took Brother and Horseface out of the equation, Mister would not be able to provide the kind of care for his Dad that he needs. So what, Mister is supposed to give up his job that pays 6 figures, to be a “good“ son and take care of his Dad full time? And when Mister runs through his savings and has nothing left, what is he supposed to do then?

Before I contacted my relative after I learned they worked for the local Aging Commission, Mister had already contacted the local Aging Commission for guidance and help, and his Dad was put on a “waiting list”. My relative ended up not being much help, and Mister’s Dad is still on waiting lists as far as we know. What’s supposed to happen in the meantime, when a senior needs help that their family can’t provide?

I went on another rant, I apologize. Imma hush for real now lol

You hit the nail on the head!  My mother needed 24/7 care - when was I supposed to work much less sleep?  Just try helping a 180 lb man into and out of a tub while holding his catheter to prevent strain on it and keeping his surgical incision dry.  In many ways, DH never forgave me for seeing him in that condition and having to provide care; it permanently altered our relationship for the worse.  I live my life in sheer terror of needing his help because he's functionally deaf so he could never hear me call for help, and he's not psychologically or physically capable of providing meaningful medical care or even assistance with acts of daily living like using the toilet.  

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 1, 2023 18:49:56 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Sept 1, 2023 17:17:35 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

We do have a lot for seniors in our community here in Indiana. We have high rises with apartments, my mom lived there for 5 years, when she was there they have a store that delivered cooked food. We have a deli here where probably a lot go and some places will deliver. It was only 20% of whatever income you had. But there was an income limit, not an asset limit.

We have another facility that has apartments for seniors. Included in the rent is house cleaning services and lawn maintenance. You could go next door for meals $5, likely higher now. And when you could no longer stay there, the buildings next door were for assisted living. They also have another facility in town for assisted living that is less expensive.  Neither is set up to care for dementia patients though. We also have 2 nursing homes.

There is now a dialysis center here and the local hospital has a stand alone gym with an inside walking track and rehab facilities there. So there really is a lot here for older people. In the town people all over drive 4 wheelers and I'm sure a lot are using those instead of cars. It's not a bad place and if we could live in town I would likely be more satisfied here. This is too far out.

There are lots of places here that offer "continuum of care" which means you can start out in an independent living apartment and then progress through stages like getting food in a dining room, to assisted living, to memory care.  The problem is that they are not for rent-you have to buy in and that runs $200,000-$600,000 up front plus monthly fees depending on services desired, usually starting at $1,500.  And that doesn't work well for couples who with differing needs as living in two separate areas raises the cost substantially.  The upside is when you die, your heirs do recover some percentage of your "purchase" price.  

That's part of our challenge - DH is 8 years older than I am and either of us could need more care than the other.  

Hope your DH gets better soon - having intestinal issues is no fun at all.

Good grief! That is really discouraging.

Even with Mister in my life, I try to plan for my retirement as if I would be on my own. I just need to know I can be okay on my own, I guess because I was single for so long. 

When I finally agreed to get married, it was mostly for practical purposes, I am committed to spending my life with him regardless of whether we are married or not. I took that commitment seriously when I made it. But I understand that being his wife vs his girlfriend, gives us both protection against certain things. And I understand that even being married, we still need to sort some things out on paper, legally.

Now that he is officially a disabled veteran, other people, including other disabled veterans that know his status (NOT because I told them. I don’t tell his/our business IRL) keep sweating me about why I need to be married to him, because of the benefits of him being a disabled veteran. I appreciate the advice, but it also kind of irritates me, because I’ve never been with Mister for what I thought being with him could do for me, when we first started our relationship, he didn’t have shit, and I made more money than he did. 

I finally was able to wrap my mind around the idea of us getting married last year, but my commitment to him was already pretty much what it would be whether we are married or not. I get irritated because if I hadn’t already decided to get married, I wouldn’t base that decision on what people keep telling me now that I should do because of the benefits of being the spouse of a disabled veteran. 

They know Mister’s status as a veteran, because he got the associated license plates on the vehicles, because it’s cheaper and gives him access to Handicapped parking, and I also drive the Tahoe sometimes. 

I appreciate them trying to look out for me, but just say what you have to say and leave it alone and let me make my own decisions. I’m going to marry Mister just because I want to, and that was already decided before he got the benefits he has now as a disabled veteran. WTF? Leave me tf alone about that.

If you think I’m being silly by not immediately trying to take advantage of his status as a disabled veteran, and rushing to marry him, just let me be silly. And STFU. 

[MarionTh230]

My experience with home health via Medicare sucked.  That was about 5 years ago.  No idea if Medicare Advantage is different (it probably is).

The way it worked was, my parent was diagnosed with Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z.  I'm not even kidding with the number of diagnoses.  Based on those diagnoses, Medicare decided they would pay home health $AA.AA to treat the patient.  In turn, the home health care agencies do everything to maximize their profit.  Which means limiting the number of visits per week.  Which sucks for the family.

For example, if you have a wound that is actively being treated by a wound care specialist, and that doctor says the dressing needs to be changed daily (7x a week), it doesn't matter.  The home health agency will decide that based on what Medicare will pay them, they will only be at the home site 3 days a week to change the dressing (or 4 days or whatever).  Those other 4 days a week (or whatever number of days are not covered by home health)?  Yeah, the family has to figure it out.

Granted, some things may have changed over the past 5 years.  But, ultimately, home health being paid by Medicare was not some magical savior by any stretch of the imagination.  It certainly helped - I'm not saying it didn't help at all.  It just was not the level of help that most folks would deem reasonable.  My parent received much better home health assistance when they were on private insurance (prior to being on Medicare).

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Gwen gave me strep. I hate the beginning of the school year.

[MarionTh230]

My DH is 7 1/2 years older than me.  And we had Kiddo when I was "advanced maternal age".  I have a lot of concerns about our later years.  I mostly just stuff the thoughts down and ignore them right now.  I don't have the mental bandwith to even contemplate those worries right now.

[MarionTh230]

In other exciting news, 2nd grade is shaping up to be a complete and utter shits-how.  Apparently I am not an idiot, and everything that is happening in the classroom (or, more specifically what content is not being covered by direct classroom instruction) is indeed actually a problem.  While I feel a little bit better that my perception has been validated, it's still very problematic.  Open house is next week.  We'll see how that goes.  Once I have DH's schedule for the week starting on Monday, we will also be touring the private school that is at the top of my list at the moment.

[Deleted]

Sept 1, 2023 19:36:20 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 1, 2023 18:49:56 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

There are lots of places here that offer "continuum of care" which means you can start out in an independent living apartment and then progress through stages like getting food in a dining room, to assisted living, to memory care.  The problem is that they are not for rent-you have to buy in and that runs $200,000-$600,000 up front plus monthly fees depending on services desired, usually starting at $1,500.  And that doesn't work well for couples who with differing needs as living in two separate areas raises the cost substantially.  The upside is when you die, your heirs do recover some percentage of your "purchase" price.  

That's part of our challenge - DH is 8 years older than I am and either of us could need more care than the other.  

Hope your DH gets better soon - having intestinal issues is no fun at all.

Good grief! That is really discouraging.

Even with Mister in my life, I try to plan for my retirement as if I would be on my own. I just need to know I can be okay on my own, I guess because I was single for so long. 

When I finally agreed to get married, it was mostly for practical purposes, I am committed to spending my life with him regardless of whether we are married or not. I took that commitment seriously when I made it. But I understand that being his wife vs his girlfriend, gives us both protection against certain things. And I understand that even being married, we still need to sort some things out on paper, legally.

Now that he is officially a disabled veteran, other people, including other disabled veterans that know his status (NOT because I told them. I don’t tell his/our business IRL) keep sweating me about why I need to be married to him, because of the benefits of him being a disabled veteran. I appreciate the advice, but it also kind of irritates me, because I’ve never been with Mister for what I thought being with him could do for me, when we first started our relationship, he didn’t have shit, and I made more money than he did. 

I finally was able to wrap my mind around the idea of us getting married last year, but my commitment to him was already pretty much what it would be whether we are married or not. I get irritated because if I hadn’t already decided to get married, I wouldn’t base that decision on what people keep telling me now that I should do because of the benefits of being the spouse of a disabled veteran. 

They know Mister’s status as a veteran, because he got the associated license plates on the vehicles, because it’s cheaper and gives him access to Handicapped parking, and I also drive the Tahoe sometimes. 

I appreciate them trying to look out for me, but just say what you have to say and leave it alone and let me make my own decisions. I’m going to marry Mister just because I want to, and that was already decided before he got the benefits he has now as a disabled veteran. WTF? Leave me tf alone about that.

If you think I’m being silly by not immediately trying to take advantage of his status as a disabled veteran, and rushing to marry him, just let me be silly. And STFU. 

This is actually shocking to me, that people would push you to marry someone for the "benefits" whether it's his VA stuff, a big 401K or whatever.  Partnership with someone is tough enough even with love and commitment-I can't imagine doing it for $$.  As you say, you've always taken care of your business and your life.  Yes, there are a lot of practical reasons for legal marriage including the U.S. Tax code which still favors married couples, and other legal protections.  But that's no reason at all if you don't love the person you are marrying.  

[toomuchreality]

Sept 1, 2023 14:27:59 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Going to happy hour for my birthday and then having porch cocktails since it's such a nice day. I went to Nordstrom for a little treat myself and bought some Oribe hair products (moisturizing shine cream and wave spray), and the woman checking me out grabbed one of those gift with purchase bags from the Clinique counter for me. And a random woman in the mall complimented my glasses. Good birthday so far!

Happy Birthday! The things you describe sound wonderful! I'm happy for you.

[Deleted]

Sept 1, 2023 19:43:52 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

My DH is 7 1/2 years older than me.  And we had Kiddo when I was "advanced maternal age".  I have a lot of concerns about our later years.  I mostly just stuff the thoughts down and ignore them right now.  I don't have the mental bandwith to even contemplate those worries right now.

That's a smart approach - there's an old saying about borrowing trouble and none of us need to do that.  I married for love and have no regrets about the age difference; I just recognize the challenges it presents on some fronts.  

[taz157]

For those that have long hair, how do you get the shampoo out of your hair?  What type of shampoo do you use?  What type of hair do you have?

I keep my hair between chin & shoulder-length to about 3 inches below my shoulders.  I tend to get it cut when it's longer than that before I have trouble getting the shampoo out of my hair.  I rinse my hair for 3-5 minutes while moving my fingers through my hair.  After it's dried and later in the day, it just feels like there is shampoo still in it.  DD1 is growing out her hair and it's close to halfway down her back now.  According to her, she rinsed her hair for a good 5 minutes and it didn't feel like all the shampoo when rinsed out.

For shampoo, I use either Aussie Volume, Herbal Essence Color Me Happy, Paul Mitchell Tee Tree color-safe shampoo.  With conditioner, I use Aussie's leave-in conditioner and a conditioning spray.  DD1 uses Paul Mitchell Tee Tree color-safe shampoo and no conditioner.  I've talked with her about using conditioner and I've gotten her a leave-in conditioner, but she tends to forget to use it.

What am I missing when shampooing hair?  When it's shampooed at the salon, they have no problem getting the shampoo out and our hair feels great!  What gives?

[giramomma]

Sept 1, 2023 19:02:40 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Sept 1, 2023 18:42:35 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I agree. And imo, that’s just one of the ways in which our medical and healthcare system sucks. For us to supposedly be such an advanced nation, thinking we are the smartest and best at everything, the way we take care of each other as a society, regarding mental and physical health, leaves a bit to be desired. Of course, it could be worse, but it could also be a lot better. Especially since we are so “civilized” and smart.

And in the interest of full disclosure, anybody that’s been reading my posts for a while, knows why I’ve started feeling some type of way about our healthcare system due to personal experience, even though I have pretty good health insurance. 

I’ve thought a lot over the last few years about what society expects families to do when it comes to being a caretaker. Using my Mom as an example, I am still in my working years, unable to retire even if I want to. Our system is set up so that most of us regular people have to work until at least our early 60’s, preferably until 70yo, for people my age. So if my Mom really needs 24/7 hands on  care, and I am expected to provide it for her because I’m her daughter, how does that work with me being expected to work long enough to retire? It can’t go both ways. Either I take care of my Mom full time, or I work full time. If I stop working, to take care of my Mom, now we are both in need of government assistance at some point. Or just SOL and suffering. 

That’s just a scenario, I am grateful that while my Mom does need help with some things, she does not require 24/7 care. And although it makes financial sense I guess, to work until I’m 70yo, I don’t see that happening. That’s not even on my radar. I don’t even see myself working until I’m 60yo. I am out as soon as I meet the minimum requirements for my employer, and I can make the money make sense. Which will be in my late 50’s.

My Grandmother was able to care for my Great Grandmother because she was no longer working. My Aunt and my Mom were able to care for my Grandmother because they were both retired. You were able to care for your husband after his surgery, because you are retired. Countrygirl stopped working so she could take care of her Mother, when she already had a disabled daughter. But that worked out because she had a husband who was still working and made decent money. What if she didn’t have her husband? If we took Brother and Horseface out of the equation, Mister would not be able to provide the kind of care for his Dad that he needs. So what, Mister is supposed to give up his job that pays 6 figures, to be a “good“ son and take care of his Dad full time? And when Mister runs through his savings and has nothing left, what is he supposed to do then?

Before I contacted my relative after I learned they worked for the local Aging Commission, Mister had already contacted the local Aging Commission for guidance and help, and his Dad was put on a “waiting list”. My relative ended up not being much help, and Mister’s Dad is still on waiting lists as far as we know. What’s supposed to happen in the meantime, when a senior needs help that their family can’t provide?

I went on another rant, I apologize. Imma hush for real now lol

You hit the nail on the head!  My mother needed 24/7 care - when was I supposed to work much less sleep?  Just try helping a 180 lb man into and out of a tub while holding his catheter to prevent strain on it and keeping his surgical incision dry.  In many ways, DH never forgave me for seeing him in that condition and having to provide care; it permanently altered our relationship for the worse.  I live my life in sheer terror of needing his help because he's functionally deaf so he could never hear me call for help, and he's not psychologically or physically capable of providing meaningful medical care or even assistance with acts of daily living like using the toilet.  

I know in my parents case, the expectation is that you have a man, doing what they should, which earning enough to support a family.

Problem solved.

And it's perceived that the solution is simple and doable.

Unfortunately, I don't think the needle has moved much in 30-40 years. We like to think it did.

It didn't.

[giramomma]

Sept 1, 2023 20:08:15 GMT -5 taz157 said:

For those that have long hair, how do you get the shampoo out of your hair?  What type of shampoo do you use?  What type of hair do you have?

I keep my hair between chin & shoulder-length to about 3 inches below my shoulders.  I tend to get it cut when it's longer than that before I have trouble getting the shampoo out of my hair.  I rinse my hair for 3-5 minutes while moving my fingers through my hair.  After it's dried and later in the day, it just feels like there is shampoo still in it.  DD1 is growing out her hair and it's close to halfway down her back now.  According to her, she rinsed her hair for a good 5 minutes and it didn't feel like all the shampoo when rinsed out.

For shampoo, I use either Aussie Volume, Herbal Essence Color Me Happy, Paul Mitchell Tee Tree color-safe shampoo.  With conditioner, I use Aussie's leave-in conditioner and a conditioning spray.  DD1 uses Paul Mitchell Tee Tree color-safe shampoo and no conditioner.  I've talked with her about using conditioner and I've gotten her a leave-in conditioner, but she tends to forget to use it.

What am I missing when shampooing hair?  When it's shampooed at the salon, they have no problem getting the shampoo out and our hair feels great!  What gives?

Is there something going on with your water at home?  Do you have a water softener or anything?

[taz157]

Sept 1, 2023 20:14:02 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Sept 1, 2023 20:08:15 GMT -5 taz157 said:

For those that have long hair, how do you get the shampoo out of your hair?  What type of shampoo do you use?  What type of hair do you have?

I keep my hair between chin & shoulder-length to about 3 inches below my shoulders.  I tend to get it cut when it's longer than that before I have trouble getting the shampoo out of my hair.  I rinse my hair for 3-5 minutes while moving my fingers through my hair.  After it's dried and later in the day, it just feels like there is shampoo still in it.  DD1 is growing out her hair and it's close to halfway down her back now.  According to her, she rinsed her hair for a good 5 minutes and it didn't feel like all the shampoo when rinsed out.

For shampoo, I use either Aussie Volume, Herbal Essence Color Me Happy, Paul Mitchell Tee Tree color-safe shampoo.  With conditioner, I use Aussie's leave-in conditioner and a conditioning spray.  DD1 uses Paul Mitchell Tee Tree color-safe shampoo and no conditioner.  I've talked with her about using conditioner and I've gotten her a leave-in conditioner, but she tends to forget to use it.

What am I missing when shampooing hair?  When it's shampooed at the salon, they have no problem getting the shampoo out and our hair feels great!  What gives?

Is there something going on with your water at home?  Do you have a water softener or anything?

No, I don't think anything is going on with our water at home as I don't notice any difference with washing our hands with soap. We don't have a water softener either. We have city water too.

[MarionTh230]

Sept 1, 2023 20:08:15 GMT -5 taz157 said:

For those that have long hair, how do you get the shampoo out of your hair?  What type of shampoo do you use?  What type of hair do you have?

I keep my hair between chin & shoulder-length to about 3 inches below my shoulders.  I tend to get it cut when it's longer than that before I have trouble getting the shampoo out of my hair.  I rinse my hair for 3-5 minutes while moving my fingers through my hair.  After it's dried and later in the day, it just feels like there is shampoo still in it.  DD1 is growing out her hair and it's close to halfway down her back now.  According to her, she rinsed her hair for a good 5 minutes and it didn't feel like all the shampoo when rinsed out.

For shampoo, I use either Aussie Volume, Herbal Essence Color Me Happy, Paul Mitchell Tee Tree color-safe shampoo.  With conditioner, I use Aussie's leave-in conditioner and a conditioning spray.  DD1 uses Paul Mitchell Tee Tree color-safe shampoo and no conditioner.  I've talked with her about using conditioner and I've gotten her a leave-in conditioner, but she tends to forget to use it.

What am I missing when shampooing hair?  When it's shampooed at the salon, they have no problem getting the shampoo out and our hair feels great!  What gives?

Loreal hyaluronic something or other in a purple bottle. Fingers (or fingernails if you can stand it) right on the scalp. I rinse more like 7 to 10 minutes. My hair is longer than yours and very thick and very coarse. I also do not put conditioner on my scalp. 

Some shampoos do stick more than others. I don't think you are missing anything, it's just different at home. Hard to figure out the right procedure at home sometimes.

[MarionTh230]

Sept 1, 2023 20:02:05 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Sept 1, 2023 19:43:52 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

My DH is 7 1/2 years older than me.  And we had Kiddo when I was "advanced maternal age".  I have a lot of concerns about our later years.  I mostly just stuff the thoughts down and ignore them right now.  I don't have the mental bandwith to even contemplate those worries right now.

That's a smart approach - there's an old saying about borrowing trouble and none of us need to do that.  I married for love and have no regrets about the age difference; I just recognize the challenges it presents on some fronts.  

Yay!!! For once in my life sticking my head in the sand and pretending like the problem doesn't exist is finally the right answer!!!! 

On a more serious note, there is nothing I can do about it. Why waste my time worrying about it at this stage when I should be concentrating on taking care of our minor child.  I'll have lots of time to worry about it later.

[toomuchreality]

Sept 1, 2023 17:17:35 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

We do have a lot for seniors in our community here in Indiana. We have high rises with apartments, my mom lived there for 5 years, when she was there they have a store that delivered cooked food. We have a deli here where probably a lot go and some places will deliver. It was only 20% of whatever income you had. But there was an income limit, not an asset limit.

We have another facility that has apartments for seniors. Included in the rent is house cleaning services and lawn maintenance. You could go next door for meals $5, likely higher now. And when you could no longer stay there, the buildings next door were for assisted living. They also have another facility in town for assisted living that is less expensive.  Neither is set up to care for dementia patients though. We also have 2 nursing homes.

There is now a dialysis center here and the local hospital has a stand alone gym with an inside walking track and rehab facilities there. So there really is a lot here for older people. In the town people all over drive 4 wheelers and I'm sure a lot are using those instead of cars. It's not a bad place and if we could live in town I would likely be more satisfied here. This is too far out.

Wow. We don't have anyything like that, where I live. Or in the surrounding areas, that I know of. I wish we did.
I have looked into moving several times during the last 20+ years. Unfortunately, I'm still in the same place.
It would be helpful to me, to live on the 1st floor these days, due to my heart, as well as other issues that come with age. But the new mgmnt has changed the rent structure, so I can't afford to move, even within the same complex.

Heaven for bid, they give me any kind of break, for living in the same unit for so long and them having to do minimal maintenance. My rent is always paid on time. And I've never had any complaints, for any reason. You'd think that would count for something.
At least I have a roof over my head, a car that runs and my utilities are all on. There's something to be said for that.

[taz157]

Sept 1, 2023 20:19:24 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Sept 1, 2023 20:08:15 GMT -5 taz157 said:

For those that have long hair, how do you get the shampoo out of your hair?  What type of shampoo do you use?  What type of hair do you have?

I keep my hair between chin & shoulder-length to about 3 inches below my shoulders.  I tend to get it cut when it's longer than that before I have trouble getting the shampoo out of my hair.  I rinse my hair for 3-5 minutes while moving my fingers through my hair.  After it's dried and later in the day, it just feels like there is shampoo still in it.  DD1 is growing out her hair and it's close to halfway down her back now.  According to her, she rinsed her hair for a good 5 minutes and it didn't feel like all the shampoo when rinsed out.

For shampoo, I use either Aussie Volume, Herbal Essence Color Me Happy, Paul Mitchell Tee Tree color-safe shampoo.  With conditioner, I use Aussie's leave-in conditioner and a conditioning spray.  DD1 uses Paul Mitchell Tee Tree color-safe shampoo and no conditioner.  I've talked with her about using conditioner and I've gotten her a leave-in conditioner, but she tends to forget to use it.

What am I missing when shampooing hair?  When it's shampooed at the salon, they have no problem getting the shampoo out and our hair feels great!  What gives?

Loreal hyaluronic something or other in a purple bottle. Fingers (or fingernails if you can stand it) right on the scalp. I rinse more like 7 to 10 minutes. My hair is longer than yours and very thick and very coarse. I also do not put conditioner on my scalp. 

Some shampoos do stick more than others. I don't think you are missing anything, it's just different at home. Hard to figure out the right procedure at home sometimes.

Thanks for the shampoo recommendation!

[finnime]

taz157, is your water very soft? That can leave hair feeling like it's still coated.

[giramomma]

Sept 1, 2023 19:43:52 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

My DH is 7 1/2 years older than me.  And we had Kiddo when I was "advanced maternal age".  I have a lot of concerns about our later years.  I mostly just stuff the thoughts down and ignore them right now.  I don't have the mental bandwith to even contemplate those worries right now.

We have four.

I was 36 and 42 with my last two kids. If they partner up and procreate later in their life, there's simply no way in hell they will have the bandwith.

My dd1 is already the helper. She needs to be relieved of that role.

DS is the only one that's going to live close by, for sure He's pulled his head out of his ass, for sure.

So, I think you can have a whole bunch and still not feel secure about old age.

DH's grandparents gifted him small bits of stock here and there. It's grown, largely untouched now, for 40 years, give or take. Between that, and our home equity, we should be able to live in one of those nice continuum care places for about a decade.

My life would be so much easier and fun if we enjoyed that money, rather than pretending that it didn''t exist.

Being responsible sucks. And I don't really know what our alternative is.

I can't even rely on my husband in a meaningful way. Actually, if I get cancer again, I'm having a friend be my medical person. My DH can't set his personal feelings aside enough to be useful.

My first choice would be DD1. She's too young to  put that on her.

[finnime]

I hope you're having a most excellent birthday, Cookies Galore!