what are you doing right now?

[MarionTh230]

Jul 11, 2023 20:07:36 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Well, I told son to sit down with his wife when I called him this morning and explain finances or where the money is going.

He just called me and said they did, sounds like she listened this time as to where their money is going.

He said this month was bad because he had eye surgery, all their insurance came due and everything at once, he said when he looked at his checking balance it was only $800 and he panicked. He said his pay was deposited today, but he couldn't believe that was all that was in it.

He said they went over their finances and he said they looked at everything, he said he never paid attention to food costs before because he was not about to cut costs on food. He said this time they did and found they spent $2500 last month for food, I said WHAT! He said they couldn't believe it either. He said they both went over all the costs and now know what they are spending. She was in a better mood and decided she will go with us tomorrow. So maybe with all my anxiety over this I did some good after all. I was worried I had said something wrong.

So son called and said everything is ok, they went over why he was worried and all is well. They have money in savings extra but like he said I take it out and even with working I never get it back. I need to add up food costs too since being here, I bet its awful, but it is the same back home. I have been trying not to look at it too.

So it sounds like they finally communicated, he explained why he was worried and she now understands more about their money situation. And they made sure I wasn't worried about them. He knows I worry. So all sounds so much better.

But thank you all for listening and not being too judgmental, like I said I try not to meddle and I try to be nice to both of them. But they need to communicate with each other.

Ok, out to plant my tomato and fix us dinner.

I'm glad you got a happy ending CG!  That truly does warm my heart.  I know you worry and vent and share because you are concerned and loved your family.  I am truly happy this all worked out.

I would ask you one question though.  As a married woman, how many times in your life have either your parents or you in-laws known the dollar amount in your bank account?  I can tell you, for me personally, the answer to that is never.  I never would have shared with my parent my bank account balance to the level of specificity that you describe here.

Now, that's me.  I'm not saying it's right or it's wrong.  All families work differently.  Different certainly does not mean wrong.  Not at all.  But, I do think you may be able to see how certain information may put you a little too much into your DS and DIL's business?  And being a little too much into their business may then cause a problem with the relationships?  I'm not chastising you or trying to be rude.  I'm truly not.  Just trying to get you to see a slightly different perspective.  That's all.  Because you are a kind and thoughtful woman who loves her family.  If there's something that you can do differently to help your relationships, and that something makes sense, I think you'd be open to thinking about it.  And that's all I'm saying.  Think a little bit about how much detail you know about your DH and DIL's life and whether or not that is helping or hurting your chances at having a good relationship.

[MarionTh230]

Jul 11, 2023 19:49:10 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

UHh, let me clarify a few things. DIL was coming to the US hell or high water, so son found a way to do it.She couldn't find doctors, the army was moving out of that base, a bunch changed about paying for housing and such, but I imagine son would have stayed in Korea, he liked it there. They ended up in Watertown, then she decided that it was come to Washington and she was going to or else, she hated NY, before that hated Korea, people were a holes there. I was there and people were extremely polite from what I saw.

She had little guy in a Korean daycare downstairs in the building soon as he could walk. Son paid $400 a month for that. The 6 months she was in Indiana she was having him in daycare or else, so son paid for that. No reason, we were both home, well they do that in Russia. Finally she wasn't happy with it so they said that was ok, they had working mothers waiting in line for it. She tried to get him in daycare in NY. She wasn't trying to work.

Son told her when they moved here or before that he was not moving again, he pulled strings to do it from what I understand. So that is why he moved, wasn't him, was her.

But he did it. I think he is a nervous wreck, a high stress job and a high stress wife, he has his nails chewed to the quick. Again not saying he is perfect, he NEVER complains to me about her nor did he his first wife, this one complains to me. One time she started in on their sex life, I said whoa, this is not something a mother is interested in and I don't want to hear it, I shut that down.

And yes I do have a sewing machine and a serger here. I brought some fabric when hubs came and a bunch of patterns. But so far haven't had time to sew.

I also have grandsons rod and reel out to get it set up. We will go fishing either this week or next, I'm going to find things for us to do several times a week.

I couldn't nail my screening up, the bottom board is hardy plank so for now taped it. I stained the front porch and ran out with about an 1/8 of a board to go. But it needs it all around the edges and a second coat so I need to buy another quart, it will go further this time.

Now out to plant my big tomato plant and see if I can scrape some more paint off. The maintenance man waves at me when I'm out working, LOL!

I think you should tread carefully here.  I do believe that you use this as a sounding board and a place to vent.  And that is great.  Getting your thoughts out here and trying to figure out things before you engage with people is not a bad thing.  In fact, I think it's a really good thing.  And please know, I am not judging you here.  The thing is though, last time I checked, there are two people in a marriage?  While it may have been your DIL's idea to move every few years, your DS went along with it and supported it.  On top of that, we all make mistakes.  Maybe she regrets making those decisions to move so much?  No way for any of us to know really.  

Or, as I've said, she could be completely off her rocker.  I don't know.  It's just sometimes with familial relationships we may do better assuming the best and giving folks extra grace than assuming the worst.  That is all.

What I do know is that it put your DGS on the same continent as you.  And that sure is something!  Something wonderful.  Something grand.  Which means no matter whether it was a hard decision or a good decision or an impulsive decision, it put you in the position to spend a whole heck of a lot of time with your DGS this summer.  That sure is something worth smiling about!

Good luck with your tomato plant!  Sounds like that climate is awful odd for growing things.  Or at least odd to me?  I have cousins that live in WA.  They have been posting pictures about all the things they have harvested.  And I find it so strange because the weather down here right now is just not appropriate for the things they have grown.

[Deleted]

I have shared enough here from time to time for everyone to know that my DH is far from perfect, as I am.  But, for all his flaws, my husband never discussed our private business - marital, reproductive, sexual, or financial - with his parents nor did I with my mother or his folks.  Of course, we also never asked or took money from them either, so there was no expectation of involvement created.  We made our way on our own.  What we have, we earned by our own labors, plus wise investment of the $30,000 we inherited.  

[Pink Cashmere]

I am really aggravated with Mister for a few reasons right now.

The reason I am willing to talk about here, is we were both sitting on the deck and when I was ready to come inside, I reminded him to close the gate that was still open from when he’d let the dogs go out and run around the back yard earlier. But he couldn’t hear me because he had some stupid headphones on that he wears around the house sometimes. I get irritated that I have to pretty much touch him to get his attention when he has them on, and tonight, I just said fuck it. If the dogs run amok when he lets them out in the morning, so what. Boy regularly gets on my nerves enough that I’m not even sure I’ll miss him much if he runs away. I made some major mistakes thinking I was doing the right thing by letting him be a comfort to Mister while he was going through some shit with his parents and that has bit me in the ass to the point that I don’t even like Boy half the time these days. I’m not happy about that, because I love dogs, and I accept responsibility for being part of the reason he is so annoying, but none of that negates the truth  he gets on my fucking nerves, regularly. And I can’t fix it unless Mister is on board, which he is not, so Boy will just continue to be an annoying asshole.

Imma just try to go to sleep, since I clearly don’t have much to say that’s positive right now

[Deleted]

Well I learned something new tonight.  Our 70'ish year old "community leader" wannabe posted a comment on social media with the acronym "PLGB crowd".  I was all and then another resident posted the definition from the Urban Dictionary, which I won't share here.   This "community leader" has also been doing the cougar thing on social media over a local guy, 20-30, who posts creepy photos and videos, telling him how handsome he is     

[minnesotapaintlady]

Jul 11, 2023 21:17:29 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I have shared enough here from time to time for everyone to know that my DH is far from perfect, as I am.  But, for all his flaws, my husband never discussed our private business - marital, reproductive, sexual, or financial - with his parents nor did I with my mother or his folks.  Of course, we also never asked or took money from them either, so there was no expectation of involvement created.  We made our way on our own.  What we have, we earned by our own labors, plus wise investment of the $30,000 we inherited.  

I think this is a difference between families.  A lot of those topics aren't taboo in our family at all.  I mean, we don't talk about each other sex lives, but financial, reproductive and marital are for sure fair game and have come up with all my siblings and I over the years at one time or another.  My family can be supportive without being intrusive though...well...most of my family.  My mom can go overboard, but stepmom and all my aunts are awesome.

[taz157]

I need to stay away from Amazon. I made 6 orders today. 5 of them were made tonight. Some are birthday presents for DD1, and some friends. 1 is printer ink that will definitely get used between DH and myself. I still need birthday presents for DD2…

Edited: For DD2, I think she’s getting some of the items that were DD1’s at that age. 💡 😉 It’s still new to her and DD2 wasn’t that tough on most of it anyway so still looks pretty new.

[raeoflyte]

I realized fairly early that no matter how close of friends my parents are - and they are some of my best friends - the people I want to share good news with before anyone else in the world. But they will always be my parents first so I try to protect them from my problems. If I discuss them I will downplay them but I will just not bring things up too. I know they do the exact same thing to protect me from their problems which makes a weird dynamic that can't last forever.

I can already tell I'll have a hard time not just listening and not trying to come up with solutions for my kids because I struggle doing that now. I will try. And I will try so, so, so hard to get along with my kids significant others. I don't pray, but man I'd pray for that.

[minnesotapaintlady]

That house I was looking at dropped 20K in price today after 2 weeks on the market.  It just has to do that 4 or 5 more times and it will be in my price range.   There's an open house on Sunday so I'm going to try and make that.

[CCL]

Jul 11, 2023 20:55:25 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Jul 11, 2023 20:07:36 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Well, I told son to sit down with his wife when I called him this morning and explain finances or where the money is going.

He just called me and said they did, sounds like she listened this time as to where their money is going.

He said this month was bad because he had eye surgery, all their insurance came due and everything at once, he said when he looked at his checking balance it was only $800 and he panicked. He said his pay was deposited today, but he couldn't believe that was all that was in it.

He said they went over their finances and he said they looked at everything, he said he never paid attention to food costs before because he was not about to cut costs on food. He said this time they did and found they spent $2500 last month for food, I said WHAT! He said they couldn't believe it either. He said they both went over all the costs and now know what they are spending. She was in a better mood and decided she will go with us tomorrow. So maybe with all my anxiety over this I did some good after all. I was worried I had said something wrong.

So son called and said everything is ok, they went over why he was worried and all is well. They have money in savings extra but like he said I take it out and even with working I never get it back. I need to add up food costs too since being here, I bet its awful, but it is the same back home. I have been trying not to look at it too.

So it sounds like they finally communicated, he explained why he was worried and she now understands more about their money situation. And they made sure I wasn't worried about them. He knows I worry. So all sounds so much better.

But thank you all for listening and not being too judgmental, like I said I try not to meddle and I try to be nice to both of them. But they need to communicate with each other.

Ok, out to plant my tomato and fix us dinner.

I'm glad you got a happy ending CG!  That truly does warm my heart.  I know you worry and vent and share because you are concerned and loved your family.  I am truly happy this all worked out.

I would ask you one question though.  As a married woman, how many times in your life have either your parents or you in-laws known the dollar amount in your bank account?  I can tell you, for me personally, the answer to that is never.  I never would have shared with my parent my bank account balance to the level of specificity that you describe here.

Now, that's me.  I'm not saying it's right or it's wrong.  All families work differently.  Different certainly does not mean wrong.  Not at all.  But, I do think you may be able to see how certain information may put you a little too much into your DS and DIL's business?  And being a little too much into their business may then cause a problem with the relationships?  I'm not chastising you or trying to be rude.  I'm truly not.  Just trying to get you to see a slightly different perspective.  That's all.  Because you are a kind and thoughtful woman who loves her family.  If there's something that you can do differently to help your relationships, and that something makes sense, I think you'd be open to thinking about it.  And that's all I'm saying.  Think a little bit about how much detail you know about your DH and DIL's life and whether or not that is helping or hurting your chances at having a good relationship.

I was thinking along the same lines, wondering how/why CG would even know all this. I've told my kids plenty of times that there are some things I don't want to know.

[CCL]

Jul 11, 2023 22:33:12 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

That house I was looking at dropped 20K in price today after 2 weeks on the market.  It just has to do that 4 or 5 more times and it will be in my price range.   There's an open house on Sunday so I'm going to try and make that.

Report back.

[giramomma]

Is there a full moon or something? This has been the weirdest week at work I've had in a long time. And it's still not even half done.

[giramomma]

I think for some, fixing is much easier with having smaller families.

We rarely try to fix anything for the 10+ crowd, There's just not enough of us to do that with four kids.

My inlaws did our taxes for 20 years. They have a good idea of our finances. They gift us special snowflake money every year. We just don't talk about finances, much. There's no need to. We're responsible. End of story.

Now, my mom thinks she's owed my nuclear family's personal information, like how much we make a year or what's in our assets. And if you deny her information that she thinks is rightfully hers, then it's "what are you trying to hide." Mom hasn't figured out, yet that she's not entitled to knowing everything about my life. Or that she doesn't get a say in how we approach our finances.

Huge difference.

I have no idea how much DS has in his credit union savings account. It is his job to manage his savings. We set some guidelines. He would update us for a while.  I was like, eh. Whatever. you know you need money by such a time for such a thing. It's on you to make sure it happens. Can't make it happen, deal with the consequences.  I'm not micromanaging you.                       

[countrygirl2]

DIL told me that, I had no reason to ask. But because she had been all mad and everything I guess son decided to share. I know he is good with money, so that surprised me and I guess it surprised him too, why the arguing I suppose.

I don't know what he has saved anymore, he used to tell me, but I know he is ok. I know they don't owe anything except for the house. I'm just glad they got together and know what happened this month. I understand that because all of ours comes due in May. For the property, personal, and everything and I stress every year. I wish we had it spread out more but don't.

So I sat down and looked at what I've spent for groceries since I've been here. I like to died, $856!! Holy crapola!! I couldn't believe it, so I messaged son to tell him I just got shocked too. Well, I will tackle that for sure, I can do better. There are probably some non grocery items in there from Walmart I would think, but that is crazy. Going to have to get that under control. I try to buy healthy foods. Grandson said grandma you need to get organic without chemicals, I didn't go into that with him other than to say they are pretty expensive, I would love to have everything organic. When I raise my garden, it is.

I don't know how much higher food can go, but I think we will find out.

Ok, drying my hair. DD had a mess awhile ago I had to deal with and grandson got to involved, I told him not to worry about it I will take care of it and please go to bed. Sometimes he gets a little to involved in things he doesn't need to. So I finally got him in bed while I dry my hair, I am really tired tonight and want to sleep, we are supposed to leave about 10 in the morning, but bet we don't. I worked outside to hard today.

I told him he can spend the weekend with dad and mom, he doesn't want to, but I need a bit of a break. I'm apparently older than I think I am, LOL!

[finnime]

Good morning, steadfast and supportive invisipeeps of Y Ma'am. Welcome to Wednesday. I hope your day sparkles.

DSis is coming today just to spend time together. It pleases me. It's so very nice to be able to hang out with family for no reason and without traveling far. When our children were . . . children, after out father died, my brothers and sister and I would bring them all to a huge lake in New Hampshire to spend a week each August. We all have great memories of those times. It was a 12 to 14 hour drive for me; I was the one that had left Massachusetts. Worth every minute and every mile. We all stayed in different units of an apartment-style vacation home on the lake with huge shared porches on both floors. ODB made breakfast for us all, then we'd spend the days sight-seeing, swimming, going to the arcades, riding boats, and just hanging out. When the kids were a bit older one evening I brought all who wanted to go to LL Bean in Maine, which is open 24/7. Just because.

I'm very glad we did that. Years later our children are close due to those August trips.

Yesterday we saw sun at dawn, the first in almost a month of overcast and foggy mornings.

[bean29]

Jul 11, 2023 15:41:42 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Jul 11, 2023 15:38:05 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

IDK I'd stay out of it but there is a middle ground between her wanting to "spend everything" as you put it and your son working so hard to pay off the mortgage sooner rather than later. 

He seems to have picked up your fear of spending any kind of money that isn't for practical things. . .like paying down the mortgage.  He also seems to have inherited his father's traits of always working.

Which aren't bad things in and of themselves but if your spouse isn't the same type of personality it can clash.

And I understand her point about spending in retirement.  My grandmother did absolute jack shit for most of her life except save and now all she has to show for it is every dime going to the nursing home.  Yeah yeah I get it she had her gold plated YM card in that she hoarded every penny and jealously guarded her credit score but for what?   Yes she got into the home but she has no life to show for it.

I don't want to be the old person in the home that says "Well at least I saved!" on my death bed.  I don't want to be my GU either but there is a middle ground.

Same for your grandson.  I loathe sports.  LOATHE them.   I am not that type of person I would much rather be in a corner reading a book.  I grew up perfectly normal and can handle functioning in society without doing those things as kids.  I got plenty of interaction at school.  I found my niche come HS when I joined drama.   Not everyone has to participate in classes and be scheduled to become socialized.  If he doesn't want to do it don't make him that's how you teach a kid to hate something. 

Has anyone asked him what HE might like to do?  I have my limits but in general I let the girls take the lead on what they want to try.

Kiddo just turned 7.  She has been telling us what SHE wants to do since she was 3!  Dance.  And eventually the martial arts got added last year.

I mean, her and that fishing thing is how we ended up on our spring break adventure.  She said she wanted to go fishing.  So we did.

I wanted to say this the other day. When my kids were small O signed them up for parks & rec classes. They both played T-ball and then were done with baseball. They did very basic swim classes and that was it. I thought DD was a good swimmer, but she got into trouble once at the Wilderness when she was 8-10, and has pretty much avoided water since. Her best friend had a pool. As a teen, she put her suit on and laid on the deck. Signed DS up for Karate when he was 6-7 and he wanted nothing to do with it. DH played soccer, wanted DS to play soccer-no go. In High School, the neighbor kid convinced my Son to join wrestling. He was Varsity 2 or 3 years and Lettered. My son got into Powerlifting in College. He also did Ultimate Frisbee.

I would think maybe grandson is the one who nixed Soccer. Does he have kids to play with if he is at home? I wouldn’t give up on the new house so soon. Your Grandson will remember this time with you and his Grandpa. It was a good move.

If your Son is paying off more than scheduled P & I, maybe he could think about the best use of his $$- his mortgage is probably 2-3%, so paying it off early dosn’t gain much. They could budget a family vacation, Idk if I would budget money for trips away from each other though.

[daisylu]

Have getaway narrowed down to 3 semi close locations. Decision needs to be made today.

[andi9899]

Y'all, I can't stand Jackson right now. He's laying on the floor whining about a ball. It's laying on the floor in front of him. Instead of getting it he's laying there whining for someone to roll it the 6 inches to him so he can have it. It's far too early for this.

[andi9899]

Jul 11, 2023 21:17:29 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I have shared enough here from time to time for everyone to know that my DH is far from perfect, as I am.  But, for all his flaws, my husband never discussed our private business - marital, reproductive, sexual, or financial - with his parents nor did I with my mother or his folks.  Of course, we also never asked or took money from them either, so there was no expectation of involvement created.  We made our way on our own.  What we have, we earned by our own labors, plus wise investment of the $30,000 we inherited.  

Right! I have been scrolling past all the books written here, but from the bits and pieces I've seen, I can't imagine a parent being so involved in an adult relationship. I don't insert myself in the girl's relationships. If asked for advice, I'll give it. For the most part I mind my business. They're adults and can figure it out. I also can't imagine taking large amounts of money from my parents as a grown ass woman. Granted I've taken small amounts here and there as a broke kid, but not thousands of dollars at a time.

[andi9899]

Jul 11, 2023 22:33:12 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

That house I was looking at dropped 20K in price today after 2 weeks on the market.  It just has to do that 4 or 5 more times and it will be in my price range.   There's an open house on Sunday so I'm going to try and make that.

It is a pretty nice house.

[andi9899]

My first prime order is 1 stop away. I'm sure the mail workers are going to hate their lives for the rest of the week.

[NoNamePerson]

Jul 12, 2023 7:00:54 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Jul 11, 2023 21:17:29 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I have shared enough here from time to time for everyone to know that my DH is far from perfect, as I am.  But, for all his flaws, my husband never discussed our private business - marital, reproductive, sexual, or financial - with his parents nor did I with my mother or his folks.  Of course, we also never asked or took money from them either, so there was no expectation of involvement created.  We made our way on our own.  What we have, we earned by our own labors, plus wise investment of the $30,000 we inherited.  

Right! I have been scrolling past all the books written here, but from the bits and pieces I've seen, I can't imagine a parent being so involved in an adult relationship. I don't insert myself in the girl's relationships. If asked for advice, I'll give it. For the most part I mind my business. They're adults and can figure it out. I also can't imagine taking large amounts of money from my parents as a grown ass woman. Granted I've taken small amounts here and there as a broke kid, but not thousands of dollars at a time.

I would think I had failed as a parent if I had to give huge amounts of money to my adult son and was all involved in his relationship with his wife. Ick factor on this end Like you, if asked for advice I would give it.  I raised an independent adult!  In fact when my son got married I told son and DIL that I would NOT be doing their tax returns. I had no need to be up in their business. By same token they are not up in my business. But some just can’t give up control. 

[chiver78]

Jul 12, 2023 6:53:22 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Y'all, I can't stand Jackson right now. He's laying on the floor whining about a ball. It's laying on the floor in front of him. Instead of getting it he's laying there whining for someone to roll it the 6 inches to him so he can have it. It's far too early for this.

Punk did that to me at 3am. hers wasn't a ball, but her beloved 1-armed teddy bear. 

[minnesotapaintlady]

Jul 12, 2023 7:15:30 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Jul 12, 2023 7:00:54 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Right! I have been scrolling past all the books written here, but from the bits and pieces I've seen, I can't imagine a parent being so involved in an adult relationship. I don't insert myself in the girl's relationships. If asked for advice, I'll give it. For the most part I mind my business. They're adults and can figure it out. I also can't imagine taking large amounts of money from my parents as a grown ass woman. Granted I've taken small amounts here and there as a broke kid, but not thousands of dollars at a time.

I would think I had failed as a parent if I had to give huge amounts of money to my adult son and was all involved in his relationship with his wife. Ick factor on this end Like you, if asked for advice I would give it.  I raised an independent adult!  In fact when my son got married I told son and DIL that I would NOT be doing their tax returns. I had no need to be up in their business. By same token they are not up in my business. But some just can’t give up control. 

I'm pretty sure she doesn't HAVE to and he is fine without it.  She just has the money and wants to gift it. I'd rather advance my kids their inheritance while I'm alive and during a time when they need it than have them wait until I'm gone too.  Of course, at this point I don't know if there will be money left, but if when I'm pushing 80 I'm sitting on a lot of money, you can bet I'll be sharing the wealth with my kids.

[wvugurl26]

I had $110 in gift cards on my Amazon account. I'm just annoyed it's all boring stuff we needed. I finally got a case for my Dyson hair dryer though. And some stuff to better organize the pantry.

DH's parents gave him $10k for his down-payment on the house we live in. I'm grateful they did so. That was much more valuable to him at that time than a pile of money when they are gone and he's well established in his career.

Personally I'd define failure as my SIL needing her dad to sign on the lease so she could get a house at 45 not someone gifting their child down-payment money.

[andi9899]

Jul 12, 2023 7:46:28 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Jul 12, 2023 6:53:22 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Y'all, I can't stand Jackson right now. He's laying on the floor whining about a ball. It's laying on the floor in front of him. Instead of getting it he's laying there whining for someone to roll it the 6 inches to him so he can have it. It's far too early for this.

Punk did that to me at 3am. hers wasn't a ball, but her beloved 1-armed teddy bear. 

I feel like she's similar to Jackson in a lot of ways and LD is to Macy.

[daisylu]

I must have everything, because nothing at Amazon is tempting me. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jul 12, 2023 6:53:22 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Y'all, I can't stand Jackson right now. He's laying on the floor whining about a ball. It's laying on the floor in front of him. Instead of getting it he's laying there whining for someone to roll it the 6 inches to him so he can have it. It's far too early for this.

The kids will do that to me.  I take great delight in pushing whatever it is they are begging for on the coffee table farther away from them and walking away. 

[wvugurl26]

My purchases were pretty much things we regularly buy and need, razor blades, face wash, shipping labels, and mints. I've been going to buy a case for the Dyson for a year now.

I need to ask DH about the golf balls. I should look for a wall bracket for the TV that is going in our office/gym. And an air purifier since our air quality is crap again today.

[Cookies Galore]

Jul 12, 2023 7:47:07 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jul 12, 2023 7:15:30 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

I would think I had failed as a parent if I had to give huge amounts of money to my adult son and was all involved in his relationship with his wife. Ick factor on this end Like you, if asked for advice I would give it.  I raised an independent adult!  In fact when my son got married I told son and DIL that I would NOT be doing their tax returns. I had no need to be up in their business. By same token they are not up in my business. But some just can’t give up control. 

I'm pretty sure she doesn't HAVE to and he is fine without it.  She just has the money and wants to gift it. I'd rather advance my kids their inheritance while I'm alive and during a time when they need it than have them wait until I'm gone too.  Of course, at this point I don't know if there will be money left, but if when I'm pushing 80 I'm sitting on a lot of money, you can bet I'll be sharing the wealth with my kids.

My MIL gifted husband $10,000 after both her parents died and everything was settled with her siblings and the estate. I consider that an advance on inheritance because it certainly was not expected or needed, but definitely a pleasant surprise. It's sitting in an account now because we have no need to touch it. It would be pretty sweet if I could get an advance on an inheritance! Lol. My MIL will also send us $100 for our anniversary and any vacations we take so she can treat us to dinner, as she always says. I think that's sweet. I lucked out with her.