toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jul 7, 2023 8:49:05 GMT -5
I guess I don't know the difference between tobacco/pot and crack pipes. And I don't know that I want to Google it. I feel like if there's an obvious difference they can't possibly be sold just openly? But on the other hand how different can pipes be. According to my seedier friends here. There's a difference. They're very different! I wouldn't Google it either. You never know who's going to look thru your phone later and for what!
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jerseygirl
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Post by jerseygirl on Jul 7, 2023 8:51:11 GMT -5
TMR please don’t be offended but you have contributed to DDs being selfish and entitled women. They probably got that lesson when young of momma will always help them but they didn’t need to help momma? Well it’s time to school them now. I wasn't able to help them much growing up, so I've tried to make up for it as they became adults. It hasn't worked like I hoped. That's for sure. Not offended, at all. I'd rather have honest responses, than smoke. And I feel validated. Thank you. When young, Did you insist your DD do dishes. clean their rooms. Take out garbage. Do their laundry, cook a meal once in a while, etc Or did you do all of that for them?? That was helping them when growing up.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 7, 2023 8:56:56 GMT -5
you are not wrong, at all. that's what makes me feel guilty about asking my mom to cover for me as often as I have. but in her case, she's escaping the hotel (yes, they still live there) and gives them a break from each other for a couple days. but, I also absolutely respect when she says no for whatever reason. they are both actually coming tonight til Sunday. as far as the trip on the 18th, you've already told them no. time for them to figure it out that they need to plan better. if it costs them enough for last-minute care, would that make any difference in your boundaries sinking in? They know the cost of care. That's why they keep pushing for me to do it. And their fear that the dog with neurological issues won't get the care she needs. But although I love them all and I do care, they're not my responsibility. DD1 and I had a major falling out a few years ago, when she went on a vacation in Costa Rica, and left her dying dog in my care. Then she wouldn't answer my calls, or return my messages, when I had questions about his care. Instead, she blamed me and came home early. The dog died Christmas night, which was just a few days later. I don't want to go through that again. That would be more than enough reason for me to put my foot down. Make it clear that you are not caring for anyone's pets now or in the future. Do you want me to tell them? I'm most definitely not shy.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 7, 2023 8:57:25 GMT -5
TMR please don’t be offended but you have contributed to DDs being selfish and entitled women. They probably got that lesson when young of momma will always help them but they didn’t need to help momma? Well it’s time to school them now. Yeah, not necessarily. My sister is one of the most selfish people I know and our mama didn't raise that. It's so bad that even DD10 mentioned the other day that Aunt constantly talks about herself and never asks anything about DDs life. Sis calls me multiple times per week, always during my working hours when I have hard boundaries about not answering. She never leaves a msg or texts. Then after I skip 5 calls, she will tattle on me to our mother. It's so bad that my girls and I routinely joke while the phone is ringing - DD14 always answer when DD10 calls you and DD10 don't call your sister multiple times per day just to talk about yourself. Nature and nurture baby! It's a complicated web. As parents/society we tend to compliment ourselves and chastise others for what is predominantly nature. Because the only behavior we can actually control is our own.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jul 7, 2023 8:58:20 GMT -5
They know the cost of care. That's why they keep pushing for me to do it. And their fear that the dog with neurological issues won't get the care she needs. But although I love them all and I do care, they're not my responsibility. DD1 and I had a major falling out a few years ago, when she went on a vacation in Costa Rica, and left her dying dog in my care. Then she wouldn't answer my calls, or return my messages, when I had questions about his care. Instead, she blamed me and came home early. The dog died Christmas night, which was just a few days later. I don't want to go through that again. Then board the dog at the vet where they can ensure if something happens she will have access to immediate care. PetSmart requires we have our vet information on hand and they have verified we do indeed use that vet. That is who they would call in any type of emergency. And SHAME on her leaving a dying dog in your care and not being reachable by phone. That was an unfair burden to place on you. No is a complete sentence and the funny thing is when you start enforcing boundaries all of a sudden these people magically find a way to deal with this shit themselves. They always could they just chose not to because they could bully someone else into doing it. My dad will watch our dogs and vice versa but we happen to live across the street from each other. None of our dogs need 24/7 supervision so I maybe spend an hour or so over there when they are gone playing with the dogs and raiding their fridge. Charlotte is scared of men so instead of forcing my dad to deal with it and stress them both out we pay to board her. If she couldn't be boarded. . .well we wouldn't be going on vacation. That is the price we pay for choosing to have pets. When you have another living being dependent on you sometimes you don't get to do the things you want to do. We don't have the right to force/guilt our family members into taking care of our pets for us. Especially when they refuse to ever return the favor like in your case. I agree. I didn't go on vacation for about 30 yrs, because I had a ferret and no ferret sitter. My choice. Now I choose not to have a pet, so I can go when an if I want and I don't have the responsibility, or financial obligation. That doesn't mean I want to take on someone else's. Although I have MANY times over the years. I even left my ferret home alone at times, to care for her house and pets.(at her demand)
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 7, 2023 8:59:19 GMT -5
this is an excuse. if they were that concerned, they wouldn't leave her in anyone else's care. don't let that guilt you into anything. you've clearly expressed your boundary, please stick to it for your own sanity. and also - remember, "No." is a complete sentence. True. They wouldn't leave her, if they were that concerned. They want to have their cake and eat it to. No my circus. Not my monkeys. My guess is that everyone else has also already said no, so they're pushing me to do it. But I have been saying no, for months, as well. They may have to stay home, this time. I have done what I could. If the dog is that fragile, it needs to stay with the vet. That way they know it will get quality care. If anything should happen, that's the best place for the dog to be.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 7, 2023 9:02:29 GMT -5
According to my seedier friends here. There's a difference. They're very different! I wouldn't Google it either. You never know who's going to look thru your phone later and for what! that is why you take someone else's phone and Google it from theirs. Duh. Discovery ID 101 baby.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 7, 2023 9:02:55 GMT -5
I have noticed year around fireworks at the truck stops closest to the Nebraska/Missouri/Iowa borders. Usually in a separate building. It has been a while since I stopped, but last time I did, they also had crack pipes for sale next to the cash register at said truck stop.Wait. What? Isn't it illegal to sell those?
I can't be 100% sure we're talking about the same thing, but here there are little tubes with fake flowers in them. People buy them and then use the tube for crack pipes. It's not actually marketed as a crack pipe.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jul 7, 2023 9:03:43 GMT -5
you are not wrong, at all. that's what makes me feel guilty about asking my mom to cover for me as often as I have. but in her case, she's escaping the hotel (yes, they still live there) and gives them a break from each other for a couple days. but, I also absolutely respect when she says no for whatever reason. they are both actually coming tonight til Sunday. as far as the trip on the 18th, you've already told them no. time for them to figure it out that they need to plan better. if it costs them enough for last-minute care, would that make any difference in your boundaries sinking in? HOW ARE THEY STILL LIVING IN THE HOTEL
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 7, 2023 9:04:35 GMT -5
Wait. What? Isn't it illegal to sell those?
I can't be 100% sure we're talking about the same thing, but here there are little tubes with fake flowers in them. People buy them and then use the tube for crack pipes. It's not actually marketed as a crack pipe. Today I learned something new.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jul 7, 2023 9:04:48 GMT -5
this is an excuse. if they were that concerned, they wouldn't leave her in anyone else's care. don't let that guilt you into anything. you've clearly expressed your boundary, please stick to it for your own sanity. and also - remember, "No." is a complete sentence. True. They wouldn't leave her, if they were that concerned. They want to have their cake and eat it to. No my circus. Not my monkeys. My guess is that everyone else has also already said no, so they're pushing me to do it. But I have been saying no, for months, as well. They may have to stay home, this time. I have done what I could. Just keep saying no. It's okay to do that, I promise.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 7, 2023 9:11:14 GMT -5
TMR please don’t be offended but you have contributed to DDs being selfish and entitled women. They probably got that lesson when young of momma will always help them but they didn’t need to help momma? Well it’s time to school them now. Why do people always say "no offense" and then continue on to say something incredibly rude? Didn't your mother teach you not to say anything at all if you don't have something nice to say?
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jul 7, 2023 9:13:03 GMT -5
I wasn't able to help them much growing up, so I've tried to make up for it as they became adults. It hasn't worked like I hoped. That's for sure. Not offended, at all. I'd rather have honest responses, than smoke. And I feel validated. Thank you. When young, Did you insist your DD do dishes. clean their rooms. Take out garbage. Do their laundry, cook a meal once in a while, etc Or did you do all of that for them?? That was helping them when growing up. They didn't have to cook, they were too young then. But they did have to do the other things. In fact, DD1 learned to do her own laundry real quick, on her 10th birthday, with guests over. After telling me she cheated her pockets, before I did laundry. I did a load of whites, in hot water and bleach (including my nieces clothes) and then I dried them in my new washer and dryer. I warned her, if she hadn't checked them, she'd be doing her own laundry. After they all went through the dry cycle, I found a large pkg of Double Mint gum had been left in mr pocket and was now melted on everyone's clothes and the inside of my new dryer. She had to leave her party guests, to go clean out the dryer. While I worked on getting the gum out of the clothes. I don't believe it making empty threats. I never did her laundry again after that. She went to live with her dad, the summer after 7th grade, because I went in the hospital.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Jul 7, 2023 9:14:29 GMT -5
They know the cost of care. That's why they keep pushing for me to do it. And their fear that the dog with neurological issues won't get the care she needs. But although I love them all and I do care, they're not my responsibility. DD1 and I had a major falling out a few years ago, when she went on a vacation in Costa Rica, and left her dying dog in my care. Then she wouldn't answer my calls, or return my messages, when I had questions about his care. Instead, she blamed me and came home early. The dog died Christmas night, which was just a few days later. I don't want to go through that again. That would be more than enough reason for me to put my foot down. Make it clear that you are not caring for anyone's pets now or in the future. Do you want me to tell them? I'm most definitely not shy. Yeah, begging you to watch the animals, then complaining about how you care about them sucks. That's happened to me more than once with the dog and it pisses me off...but I do like the dog and it's nice having him around.
When I leave my animals in another neighbors care, I explicitly tell her over and over not to worry if something happens under her watch. Coyotes wipe out the flock occasionally, the goat is old, the house cats are going to be essentially on their own and unsupervised for 9 days. Shit happens and it might be while I'm gone, so I try to drive home that she doesn't need to stress about it.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 7, 2023 9:15:35 GMT -5
Absolutely not. Tell them no and stick to it. The pets/house are their responsibility, not yours. If you can't handle the responsibility, don't get a pet. They actually take very good care of their pets. But it's easier if I dog and house sit for them, when they travel. Everyone else says no. And now, I am and will be too. DD1 works for an airline, so they can travel free and they do, quite often. I can travel free too, but I'm a chicken, so only have a few times, on 1 hr flights. I'm sure they do take very good care of them. Expecting you to fill in for them when you have already stated that you are uncomfortable with it is still wrong.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 7, 2023 9:19:30 GMT -5
When young, Did you insist your DD do dishes. clean their rooms. Take out garbage. Do their laundry, cook a meal once in a while, etc Or did you do all of that for them?? That was helping them when growing up. They didn't have to cook, they were too young then. But they did have to do the other things. In fact, DD1 learned to do her own laundry real quick, on her 10th birthday, with guests over. After telling me she cheated her pockets, before I did laundry. I did a load of whites, in hot water and bleach (including my nieces clothes) and then I dried them in my new washer and dryer. I warned her, if she hadn't checked them, she'd be doing her own laundry. After they all went through the dry cycle, I found a large pkg of Double Mint gum had been left in mr pocket and was now melted on everyone's clothes and the inside of my new dryer. She had to leave her party guests, to go clean out the dryer. While I worked on getting the gum out of the clothes. I don't believe it making empty threats. I never did her laundry again after that. She went to live with her dad, the summer after 7th grade, because I went in the hospital. You don't have to justify how you raised your children to anyone. Especially a random stranger on the internet.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 7, 2023 9:21:08 GMT -5
That would be more than enough reason for me to put my foot down. Make it clear that you are not caring for anyone's pets now or in the future. Do you want me to tell them? I'm most definitely not shy. Yeah, begging you to watch the animals, then complaining about how you care about them sucks. That's happened to me more than once with the dog and it pisses me off...but I do like the dog and it's nice having him around.
When I leave my animals in another neighbors care, I explicitly tell her over and over not to worry if something happens under her watch. Coyotes wipe out the flock occasionally, the goat is old, the house cats are going to be essentially on their own and unsupervised for 9 days. Shit happens and it might be while I'm gone, so I try to drive home that she doesn't need to stress about it.
I felt incredibly guilty that Brutus died under my watch. My parents were sad but assured me it was fine. There was nothing I could have done about it. We took care of taking him to be cremated. I gave them my dad's contact information and he handled it over the phone. Brutus was older and he was sick, we later figured out it was cancer likely a tumor ruptured. We didn't know that part at the time. He had been taken to the vet, given meds and we were told to make him comfortable. My parents knew the risk of going out of town. I had permission to do whatever needed to be done they trusted me. I would have never watched their dogs again if they had blamed me for it. As it is I have developed the compulsion of not opening the door until I hear Phoebe bark. Phoebe barking = Phoebe fine. Phoebe not barking = go get DH because I am not going in by myself.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jul 7, 2023 9:26:23 GMT -5
Nature and nurture baby! It's a complicated web. As parents/society we tend to compliment ourselves and chastise others for what is predominantly nature. Because the only behavior we can actually control is our own. So much the truth
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Jul 7, 2023 9:33:28 GMT -5
you are not wrong, at all. that's what makes me feel guilty about asking my mom to cover for me as often as I have. but in her case, she's escaping the hotel (yes, they still live there) and gives them a break from each other for a couple days. but, I also absolutely respect when she says no for whatever reason. they are both actually coming tonight til Sunday. as far as the trip on the 18th, you've already told them no. time for them to figure it out that they need to plan better. if it costs them enough for last-minute care, would that make any difference in your boundaries sinking in? HOW ARE THEY STILL LIVING IN THE HOTELI've stopped trying to have that conversation with them at this point, it's like bashing my head against the wall. I've stopped sending her listings of places that would be perfect for them, and I cut her off when she starts bitching about anything remotely related to still living there. you don't get to complain about anything, when the situation can easily be fixed if you make some decisions. the two of them are not on the same page about where they want to move to, except that it won't be a condo and it will be one-story. Dad refuses to consider any house with a sump pump, Mom refuses to consider any house with electric cooking. like cg, they would prefer a fixer-upper and to do the work (cheaper) themselves. oh, and Dad still thinks he wants to work another 5y, even part-time. so that keeps them in the same general part of the state, where everything is more expensive. if Dad pulls the trigger and fully retires, that frees them up to move out to the country, closer to my sister. they have seen a few listings they absolutely loved, but that were too far for Dad to keep working with the same E-MA contacts he is now. I think those are the major points.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jul 7, 2023 9:36:18 GMT -5
Finally had a great night's sleep thanks to the magic of antibiotics. Now to kick this infection ASAP.
I have seen a doctor more in the last 2 weeks than I've seen one since March of 2020. At least I like her and we are definitely getting to know each other.
It took me until about age 70 to actually let people know that my NO is a complete sentence and I don't owe you an explanation. When I would say no and they would ask why, I would justify my no to them. Of course, that was never acceptable to them. No more. Now they get get a NO.
And don't judge how my mom raised me. She did the best she could with the circumstances she was given. I know that isn't true for all mothers, but it is true for mine.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2023 9:39:43 GMT -5
I think my new favorite phrase is "No is a complete sentence". I wish I had learned this earlier in life.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 7, 2023 9:43:15 GMT -5
Threw my hat into the ring for the higher up position. I talked with DH about it because I was feeling awkward because there is another person in the lab applying too and people are assuming he will likely get it. DH said I need to do what is best for myself, whoever is most qualified will get it. I have every right to apply. He said don't shoot myself in the foot because that guy might not get it either! I gave up my opportunity for nothing. I said IDK I have never been in this position before. Academics is very rigid. I did not have a master's or a PhD so no matter how much experience I had I wasn't moving up. Period. This is the first time I've ever had this option so IDK what the unspoken rules are with this stuff. I have almost a decade of experience on him. However he has already been helping in that department so he has the edge regarding familiarity with that specific job. Could go either way. Or neither of us get it because our new uppity up pushes for an external higher with more degrees/experience than either of us. I could certainly see it going that way too based on talking with the guy. He is the type of PhD that has opinions on what type of degree holder can do a job even if the job itself doesn't require that degree to apply. If other guy gets it then his position opens up in the lab and I will try for that one. So I am not totally out of opportunities. If that doesn't pan out then I guess I wait. I could also see me not getting it because of position level BS. My SIL said I might not get an associate because I am a tech and that is "too high" for me to be moving up the ladder at once. But then she is finance, and I am not. There isn't a Tech III or IV position so an associate is the next bar. Our hiearchies are completely different. IDK this is all brand spanking new to me. I plan on harping about my interest in if they are going to build a chemistry/micro hybrid team that I want to be involved in that too. Not only am I a walking talking hybrid skill set but I am a walking talking relative expert in Flow Cytometry which is something they are expressing interest in. At any rate this hopefully shows I am interested in growing and moving upward which is a feather in my cap. That seems to be a huge thing here even if our department is wonky in that regard.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jul 7, 2023 9:47:53 GMT -5
I think my new favorite phrase is "No is a complete sentence". I wish I had learned this earlier in life. I also wish I had learned it earlier in life and I've done a lot of therapy. Guess therapists keep learning, too.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jul 7, 2023 10:02:55 GMT -5
Threw my hat into the ring for the higher up position. I talked with DH about it because I was feeling awkward because there is another person in the lab applying too and people are assuming he will likely get it. DH said I need to do what is best for myself, whoever is most qualified will get it. I have every right to apply. He said don't shoot myself in the foot because that guy might not get it either! I gave up my opportunity for nothing. I said IDK I have never been in this position before. Academics is very rigid. I did not have a master's or a PhD so no matter how much experience I had I wasn't moving up. Period. This is the first time I've ever had this option so IDK what the unspoken rules are with this stuff. I have almost a decade of experience on him. However he has already been helping in that department so he has the edge regarding familiarity with that specific job. Could go either way. Or neither of us get it because our new uppity up pushes for an external higher with more degrees/experience than either of us. I could certainly see it going that way too based on talking with the guy. He is the type of PhD that has opinions on what type of degree holder can do a job even if the job itself doesn't require that degree to apply. If other guy gets it then his position opens up in the lab and I will try for that one. So I am not totally out of opportunities. If that doesn't pan out then I guess I wait. I could also see me not getting it because of position level BS. My SIL said I might not get an associate because I am a tech and that is "too high" for me to be moving up the ladder at once. But then she is finance, and I am not. There isn't a Tech III or IV position so an associate is the next bar. Our hiearchies are completely different. IDK this is all brand spanking new to me. I plan on harping about my interest in if they are going to build a chemistry/micro hybrid team that I want to be involved in that too. Not only am I a walking talking hybrid skill set but I am a walking talking relative expert in Flow Cytometry which is something they are expressing interest in. At any rate this hopefully shows I am interested in growing and moving upward which is a feather in my cap. That seems to be a huge thing here even if our department is wonky in that regard. Try (and I know I wouldn't be able to) to stop thinking about it. What will be will be. You applied, and that's what's important. You're creating opportunities for yourself. If you didn't apply, you wouldn't even be considered. At least now you will be considered. You may still not get it, and that's okay! You're still awesome. So much goes into hiring decisions. There is little you can control now. You did the part you can control. You applied.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 7, 2023 10:04:46 GMT -5
To this day I am mad at myself for not having Bob buy me that blown glass Mr. Hanky pot pipe. I could not buy it because it was a medical store so to buy anything you had to have a prescription. He could working there since he had his license. He said it wasn't selling because nobody wants to smoke pot out of a piece of poop. It would have been so awesome as part of my Christmas collection. Now I want a taxidermy alligator dressed as a Victorian caroler. Hope that lady is at the October oddities festival. She's the one I got Lady Squeakers from. I would absolutely smoke out of a Mr. Hanky bowl. Or is it a bong?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 7, 2023 10:07:25 GMT -5
To this day I am mad at myself for not having Bob buy me that blown glass Mr. Hanky pot pipe. I could not buy it because it was a medical store so to buy anything you had to have a prescription. He could working there since he had his license. He said it wasn't selling because nobody wants to smoke pot out of a piece of poop. It would have been so awesome as part of my Christmas collection. Now I want a taxidermy alligator dressed as a Victorian caroler. Hope that lady is at the October oddities festival. She's the one I got Lady Squeakers from. I would absolutely smoke out of a Mr. Hanky bowl. Or is it a bong? Bowl? It wasn't a bong though that would have also been extremely awesome.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2023 10:20:52 GMT -5
I have a thing about liars. First off, I feel insulted that they think I am so stupid I don't know they are lying. Then, some of them actually seem to believe their own lies and that's pretty scary. In this digital world, what you write and, sometimes, what you say lives on forever. Screenshots, archived emails, saved voicemails - all of those show the truth. And "my account/phone/whatever was hacked" really doesn't work 99% of the time.
Just random thoughts on a rainy day
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 7, 2023 10:27:35 GMT -5
I would absolutely smoke out of a Mr. Hanky bowl. Or is it a bong? Bowl? It wasn't a bong though that would have also been extremely awesome. Sweet. I'm not big on bongs, err, "water pipes." Lol
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 7, 2023 10:47:26 GMT -5
To this day I am mad at myself for not having Bob buy me that blown glass Mr. Hanky pot pipe. I could not buy it because it was a medical store so to buy anything you had to have a prescription. He could working there since he had his license. He said it wasn't selling because nobody wants to smoke pot out of a piece of poop. It would have been so awesome as part of my Christmas collection. Now I want a taxidermy alligator dressed as a Victorian caroler. Hope that lady is at the October oddities festival. She's the one I got Lady Squeakers from. I would absolutely smoke out of a Mr. Hanky bowl. Or is it a bong? It's a bowl. A bong is much larger and requires water to be added to it. I may or may not have been a serious toker in HS...
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 7, 2023 10:57:27 GMT -5
I'm making a few more arrangements for a vacation DH and I are taking next week. It's a minor compared to what a lot of you do, but for us it's a lot.
We're going in an airplane!
Do any of you have a rental car company preference? I've personally rented one car in the last 20 years. I've done it a few times with work, but I didn't make the arrangements or spend the money. I think I have gotten my best results from Costco. I keep forgetting to use them, but find they work best with rentals we reserve for longer than a day. I have not seen a huge difference between companies, have used them all. I tend to go with cheapest.
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